Without Feeling
folder
+M to R › Neon Genesis Evangelion
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
5,095
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
+M to R › Neon Genesis Evangelion
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
5,095
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Evangelion, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Without Feeling
A/N: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion. I truly wish I did, but alas, I do not. This story is SUPPOSED to be several chapters. Right now my brain is telling me three or four. This is sort of the introductory chapter, as all it does is reiterate what happens in the show, but in my own words, I suppose.
Anyway, eventually the story will fill you in on what, according to this fiction, happened off camera-time between Shinji and Kaoru. Yes, I spell his name Kaoru, because that is how it is spelled on the videos I own, which are official releases. This is probably going to be more shounen ai than yaoi PWP, but who knows. It¡¯s up in the air right now.
It¡¯s very possible that facts will be omitted or changed according to how the story decides to turn out. I apologize in advance if this causes any confusion or any OoC-ness on any character¡¯s part.
This is my FIRST EVER Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction, so PLEASE read and review honestly. Please, I cannot beg you enough, review. I need the input for this fandom.
Warnings: this chapter may contain shounen ai hints and DOES contain spoilers.
------------- ------------- ---------------
¡°Without Feeling¡±
Chapter one: Oxygen
------------- ------------ -------------
Breathe.
It was a beautiful day. But it was often a beautiful day. Shinji Ikari inhaled and exhaled the oxygen with the respect he thought it deserved. It was always there, no matter what happened in Tokyo 03. No matter what happened on Earth.
It was always there.
Certainly his mind was not in the best of places. His brain was working on autopilot so that he could be free to do other things such as walk, talk, and continue existing without feeling anything.
Because to start feeling anything again, well¡¦ that would be bad.
Because Toji... Because Rei¡¦ Because Asuka¡¦
Walk, talk, exist without feeling.
Because Misato¡¦ Because father¡¦
Breathe in the oxygen with respect. It will always be there, even when everything¡¯s over.
The beach was particularly lovely. Waves crashing and breaking on the shore like liquid glass. If for some reason the movement of the water ceased completely or froze mid-motion, Shinji was sure that he¡¯d be able to walk on it. Climb the ripples of the waves and dance upon their crests. His feet would make a solid but lovely noise. Something between a tinkling sound and a thud.
But it didn¡¯t cease. It didn¡¯t stop moving. The tide was pulling out; slowly, lowllowly it withdrew. Pulling away from Tokyo 03 as if it were afraid of what was to come.
Shinji respected the ocean. Water would always be there. And it seemed to be much smarter than any of the people he knew. Running, withdrawing, escaping. What a good, smart, safe idea.
Nobody really had to get hurt, did they?
It was far too late for that.
Bodies had been battered. Hearts had been broken. Emotions had reached a feverish, screaming pitch. Something would certainly have to give soon.
Shinji wondered if he¡¯d go crazy before all this was over. And if he did, who would take care of him? Perhaps he¡¯d be lucky enough to stumble into an oncoming train or something before he became a burden on someone who didn¡¯t want him. Poor crazy Shinji. Misato again, maybe? Ritsuko? Someone who would take him in and take care of him and resent him forever. No, if he went insane from all of this, the train was looking to be the best option.
He thought about walking closer to the water; letting it soak through his socks and shoes. Could he still feel? No, he shouldn¡¯t. Because to start to feel anything again¡¦ well¡¦
He inhaled, he exhaled, and he respected the beauty laid before him for his enjoyment, and he felt¡¦
Good.
Which in turn made him feel guilty. Which made him ashamed, which made him confused which madehimangrywhichmadehim¡¦.
Breathe.
Walk. Talk. Exist without feeling.
But it was too late.
//All my friends... Toji. Kensuke. All their homes have been destroyed and now they¡¯ve left¡¦//
Shinji stared out into the sky. The setting sun was beginning to cast a hideously orange glow on everything. What had been beautiful only moments before was now disgusting. Of course, he knew very well that his sour, depressing, self-indulgent thoughts were the only ugly thing out there on the beach. But it just seemed like¡¦
Even the water was infected with the color of the bleeding st ant and Shinji wanted to yell, to scream, to cry.
He clenched his hand, which by now was almost raw with the habit.
He was terrified, revolted, appalled as the sun set on Tokyo 03.
//I don¡¯t have anybody left I can call my friend¡¦ I¡¦//
Humming. From somewhere to his left. A beautiful sound; a song familiar to him. The sun was finally resigning itself to its fate, the music was drifting to him, and the tainted ocean was pulling farther and farther away from him and closer and closer to the horizon.
Shinji turned towards the soft sound, which he could barely make out over the comings and goings of the tide.
A boy sat perched on top of one of the larger pieces of rubble, which stood stranded in the shallow waters, sticking up as if it were surprised. His hair reflected the horrid reddish-orange hues being cast by the sunset.
Only it wasn¡¯t disgusting or terrifying.
It was¡¦ captivating.
Breathe.
He couldn¡¯t.
Feet dangled carelessly off the edge of the stone he was sitting on. Long legs met slim hips. A thin, willowy torso gave way to comfortably folded arms. A graceful neck and hair that Shinji could only imagine was as silver as the ocean normally was because at the moment it was *precisely* the same fire-color as the waves.
More humming, and Shinji finally placed the song mentally as ¡°Ode to Joy.¡±
¡°That song is good.¡± Blood red eyes blinked warmly, leisurely, amicably at him.
Kaoru Nagisa. ¡°You can call me Kaoru, Mr. Ikari.¡±
¡°Mr. Ikari?!¡±
//NO. No. no.//
¡°Oh. No. You can call me Shinji.¡±
Smiles on both boy¡¯s lips, and suddenly Shinji felt a thousand times better than he had in months. No. Years. No¡¦
Had he ever felt this good?
----------- ----------- --------
-TBC
Anyway, eventually the story will fill you in on what, according to this fiction, happened off camera-time between Shinji and Kaoru. Yes, I spell his name Kaoru, because that is how it is spelled on the videos I own, which are official releases. This is probably going to be more shounen ai than yaoi PWP, but who knows. It¡¯s up in the air right now.
It¡¯s very possible that facts will be omitted or changed according to how the story decides to turn out. I apologize in advance if this causes any confusion or any OoC-ness on any character¡¯s part.
This is my FIRST EVER Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction, so PLEASE read and review honestly. Please, I cannot beg you enough, review. I need the input for this fandom.
Warnings: this chapter may contain shounen ai hints and DOES contain spoilers.
------------- ------------- ---------------
¡°Without Feeling¡±
Chapter one: Oxygen
------------- ------------ -------------
Breathe.
It was a beautiful day. But it was often a beautiful day. Shinji Ikari inhaled and exhaled the oxygen with the respect he thought it deserved. It was always there, no matter what happened in Tokyo 03. No matter what happened on Earth.
It was always there.
Certainly his mind was not in the best of places. His brain was working on autopilot so that he could be free to do other things such as walk, talk, and continue existing without feeling anything.
Because to start feeling anything again, well¡¦ that would be bad.
Because Toji... Because Rei¡¦ Because Asuka¡¦
Walk, talk, exist without feeling.
Because Misato¡¦ Because father¡¦
Breathe in the oxygen with respect. It will always be there, even when everything¡¯s over.
The beach was particularly lovely. Waves crashing and breaking on the shore like liquid glass. If for some reason the movement of the water ceased completely or froze mid-motion, Shinji was sure that he¡¯d be able to walk on it. Climb the ripples of the waves and dance upon their crests. His feet would make a solid but lovely noise. Something between a tinkling sound and a thud.
But it didn¡¯t cease. It didn¡¯t stop moving. The tide was pulling out; slowly, lowllowly it withdrew. Pulling away from Tokyo 03 as if it were afraid of what was to come.
Shinji respected the ocean. Water would always be there. And it seemed to be much smarter than any of the people he knew. Running, withdrawing, escaping. What a good, smart, safe idea.
Nobody really had to get hurt, did they?
It was far too late for that.
Bodies had been battered. Hearts had been broken. Emotions had reached a feverish, screaming pitch. Something would certainly have to give soon.
Shinji wondered if he¡¯d go crazy before all this was over. And if he did, who would take care of him? Perhaps he¡¯d be lucky enough to stumble into an oncoming train or something before he became a burden on someone who didn¡¯t want him. Poor crazy Shinji. Misato again, maybe? Ritsuko? Someone who would take him in and take care of him and resent him forever. No, if he went insane from all of this, the train was looking to be the best option.
He thought about walking closer to the water; letting it soak through his socks and shoes. Could he still feel? No, he shouldn¡¯t. Because to start to feel anything again¡¦ well¡¦
He inhaled, he exhaled, and he respected the beauty laid before him for his enjoyment, and he felt¡¦
Good.
Which in turn made him feel guilty. Which made him ashamed, which made him confused which madehimangrywhichmadehim¡¦.
Breathe.
Walk. Talk. Exist without feeling.
But it was too late.
//All my friends... Toji. Kensuke. All their homes have been destroyed and now they¡¯ve left¡¦//
Shinji stared out into the sky. The setting sun was beginning to cast a hideously orange glow on everything. What had been beautiful only moments before was now disgusting. Of course, he knew very well that his sour, depressing, self-indulgent thoughts were the only ugly thing out there on the beach. But it just seemed like¡¦
Even the water was infected with the color of the bleeding st ant and Shinji wanted to yell, to scream, to cry.
He clenched his hand, which by now was almost raw with the habit.
He was terrified, revolted, appalled as the sun set on Tokyo 03.
//I don¡¯t have anybody left I can call my friend¡¦ I¡¦//
Humming. From somewhere to his left. A beautiful sound; a song familiar to him. The sun was finally resigning itself to its fate, the music was drifting to him, and the tainted ocean was pulling farther and farther away from him and closer and closer to the horizon.
Shinji turned towards the soft sound, which he could barely make out over the comings and goings of the tide.
A boy sat perched on top of one of the larger pieces of rubble, which stood stranded in the shallow waters, sticking up as if it were surprised. His hair reflected the horrid reddish-orange hues being cast by the sunset.
Only it wasn¡¯t disgusting or terrifying.
It was¡¦ captivating.
Breathe.
He couldn¡¯t.
Feet dangled carelessly off the edge of the stone he was sitting on. Long legs met slim hips. A thin, willowy torso gave way to comfortably folded arms. A graceful neck and hair that Shinji could only imagine was as silver as the ocean normally was because at the moment it was *precisely* the same fire-color as the waves.
More humming, and Shinji finally placed the song mentally as ¡°Ode to Joy.¡±
¡°That song is good.¡± Blood red eyes blinked warmly, leisurely, amicably at him.
Kaoru Nagisa. ¡°You can call me Kaoru, Mr. Ikari.¡±
¡°Mr. Ikari?!¡±
//NO. No. no.//
¡°Oh. No. You can call me Shinji.¡±
Smiles on both boy¡¯s lips, and suddenly Shinji felt a thousand times better than he had in months. No. Years. No¡¦
Had he ever felt this good?
----------- ----------- --------
-TBC