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My Immortal	By : JazzyGirl Category: +. to F > FAKE Views: 2060 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own FAKE, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-My Immortal
- 1
My Immortal

By JazzyGirl

Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE…the wonderful Sanami Matoh does. I also don’t own the song "My Immortal". That belongs to the awesome Evanescence.

Warnings: Lots of angst and depressing stuff.

Author’s Note: I came up with this little piece when I was struck with a moment of depression. This fic will probably reflect that. Enjoy anyway, and as always, let me know what you thought.

Lyrics and random thoughts

*****

I’m so tired of being here

Suppressed by all of my childish fears

Ryo slowly opened his eyes. The first thin bec became aware of was Dee’s musky scent hitting his nostrils. Smiling softly to himself, he reached out a hand to touch what he most certainly thought was there, but was surprised when what he felt was the soft fabric of the bedsheets. Funny, Ryo thought, I hadn’t heard Dee get up. Maybe I really am a sound sleeper like Dee says I am.

Standing up and stretching, Ryo took a look around the apartment. It seemed kind of odd to him…something, somewhere, seemed a little off. As he became more alert and awake, Ryo could have sworn there were some things missing, mainly Dee’s things.
Hell, they were all of Dee’s things, Ryo noticed.

What the heck is going on here? Ryo thought, puzzled, as he made his way to the bathroom. Stepping in to wash up and brush his teeth, Ryo’s eyes drifted over to the toothbrush holder, which seemed a little empty. He then saw that Dee’s toothbrush, which usually lay next to his, was gone. Ryo opened the medicine cabinet and gasped at how empty it looked when it only contained his things. He didn’t realize how much stuff Dee actually kept in there.
Ryo’s knees started to shake as he slid to the floor, quickly realizing what had happened.

Did…did Dee leave me?
And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

Because your presence still lingers h/P> /P>
And it won’t leave me alone

Deciding that this all must be some horrible nightmare his tired mind produced to him, Ryo stood on shaky legs as he exited the bathroom and entered the kitchen. But as he noticed more of Dee’s things missing, he knew he was indeed living in a reality. His mind raced with the events of last night. Had anything occurred between the two lovers that would just have Dee up and leave him like that? Ryo tried as hard as he could to think, but nothing came to mind that would make Dee leave him.
Ryo then noticed the note sitting on the kitchen table. Sure enough, his name was scrawled across the front of it. Afraid of what the letter might hold, Ryo reluctantly reached out and opened it, his eyes filling with tears as he read the words contained within.

Ryo,
Consider yourself lucky that I left a note for you concerning my sudden departure. Sorry to break this to you, but things just aren’t going to work out between the two of us. I just don’t see a future for us. I hated to have gotten your hopes up, but hey, you were one nice piece of ass in bed. At least I benefited from this in that aspect. After we fucked last night, I got to thinking and realized I really don’t love you…I was only blinded by my need to have a quick fuck. I hope you realize that any exchange of words between us from now on will be strictly business. Have a good life.
Dee

Ryo winced at the choice of words Dee had used. He had used the word "fucked" instead of "made love". Was that really all Ryo was to Dee? Someone he could get between the sheets to pleasure him?
Ryo noticed the paper in his hands grow wet with the tears that freely fell from his eyes. But he didn’t care. The only man he had ever loved…the only person he had ever loved, and who he thought returned those feelings…just told him that he was exactly the opposite.
"Why, Dee?" Ryo asked aloud, his voice shaky. "Why did you use me like that? I thought…"

These wounds won’t seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There’s just too much that time cannot erase

Ryo remembered when Dee had confessed his "love" to him. He had said things to Ryo that nobody had ever said to him…words he thought were coming from Dee’s heart. And they seemed to be…but now that Ryo thougboutbout it, his voice hadn’t possessed a loving tone of any sort. It had been lust…pure and simple lust.
Ryo grit his teeth as the memories flooded back to him. What a fool he had been! He had been through similar situations countless times, and each time he had allowed himself to be fooled. Dee had been no exception. Ryo couldn’t understand how he couldn’t see through Dee’s act…how Dee just took the feelings he knew Ryo had for him and used them to his advantage, with no intention of having Ryo’s heart.
Instead, he chose to walk on Ryo’s heart just to bring himself some pleasure, just like so many others had. But for some reason, he saw something with Dee that he didn’t with all of the others. He saw sincerity…he saw honesty…he saw someone who cared for him…he saw so much more…when in reality all he saw was a living lie. He had been blinded by the love he had felt for his partn/P> /P>

"God damn it…Dee…" Ryo whispered, the tears which had stopped momentarily starting to fall again as more memories came back to him.

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears

When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears

I’ve held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

Ryo remembered how Dee would spill his heart out to him, and tell him things of his past that he knew Dee had never told anybody else; and in turn, Ryo had done the same. It seemed to Ryo that Dee had trusted him, and had maybe loved him, just as the Japanese-American man loved and trusted him…but now he knew the truth. There could be no love with Dee…all Dee was looking for was a good time, a "quick fuck", as he so blatantly called it.
Ryo didn’t know how it happened, but he soon found himself behind the steering wheel of his car, driving furiously to the station, his mind set on confronting Dee about this. He had to set his partner straight, and he had to get more answers. He wanted them from Dee’s mouth, not from a piece of paper.

You used to captivate me

By your resonating light

But now I’m bound by the life you left behind

Dee’s face kept popping into Ryo’s mind as he drove, distracting him even further than he was at the moment. He realized what had attracted Dee to him in the first place…his gorgeous green eyes. Ryo had always been a sucker for eyes. Dee’s eyes were quite stunning…somehow captivating, and fou found he couldn’t draw himself away from what he considered Dee’s best feature. He would find himself daydreaming about those eyes many times during his day, and at night, he would dream of them. He would dream of the day when Dee would cast a loving look in Ryo’s direction with those very eyes. And that day finally did occur…or so he thought. The moment had gone as quickly as it had come.
Surprisingly, Ryo found himself in the parking lot of the precinct in one piece. Getting out of the car and forcefully slamming the door behind him, Ryo stalked his way up to his and Dee’s office, finding his unfaithful partner sitting there, sipping on some coffee and looking over the morning newspaper. He didn’t even glance up as he heard Ryo enter the room.
Ryo slammed his fist down onto the table. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" he growled.
Dee looked up, acting oblivious as to the reason for Ryo’s foul mood. He then proceeded to shrug his shoulders and ignore Ryo, going back to his paper.
This only angered Ryo more. He walked over to Dee and grabbed him by the collar, lifting him up out of the chair and pushing him back against the wall. "Don’t you dare play your fucking games with me, Laytner," Ryo seethed, putting emphasis on the last word.
Dee found he couldn’t meet Ryo’s gaze. "I thought my letter said all that needed to be said," Dee said nonchalantly, a smug look on his features.
"How could you fucking do this to me, Dee? AFTER ALL WE’VE BEEN THROUGH!" Ryo yelled, not caring if he caused a scene or not.
What Dee did next caused Ryo’s eyes to widen in astonishment.
Dee laughed at him.

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

Dee was laughing so hard, Ryo could see the tears rolling down his cheeks. "You…you can’t be…serious…can, Ry, Ryo?" Dee managed to ask between fits of laughter.
Ryo just continued to glare at him.
Dee went on, seeming to have calmed down a little. "Don’t tell me you took any of our actions seriously?" Another glare. "I can’t believe you, Ryo! I didn’t think you were that stupid, but hey, you never fail to surprise me!" Dee started to laugh again.
Ryo couldn’t take any more. He pulled his fist back and punched Dee hard in the face. Dee fell to the ground out of Ryo’s grip, startled and holding his cheek, already feeling a nasty bruise forming there. "Why, you little fuck…!" Dee hissed.
Ryo crouched down so he was eye-level with Dee, the hurt clearly showing on his face. "You selfish little bastard. To think I even fell in love with you…I feel so incredibly stupid for allowing myself to be fooled by your act. You told me you loved me, Dee…how the hell do you expect me to react? I let you into my home, my heart, and my soul…and for what? Tell me, Dee…why the hell should I have to suffer so you can benefit from a simple pleasure? Do you think any man would just give themselves so willingly like that?! God, Dee…you were the first person I gave that special gift to. I vowed to myself I would stay a virgin until I was sure I had found my soul mate. And you…you fooled me into thinking that you were. How the hell do you feel knowing you took something that precious from someone…knowing that you lied…ANSWER ME, DEE!" Ryo demanded.

These wounds won’t seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There’s just too much that time cannot erase

Dee shrugged and looked away. "Just get away from me, Ryo. This conversation is over. I have nothing more to say to you." Dee stood and brushed himself off before exiting their office, leaving behind a hurt and ashamed Ryo.

I gave him everything without asking for anything in return…

Ryo sat down at his desk, burying his head in his hands, his body shaking with the tears that wracked his body. He didn’t care who would walk in at that moment…he didn’t care who saw him cry. He couldn’t hold it back.

Dee…why did you betray me…I thought you really loved me…God, why?
When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears

When you’d scream I’d fight awal ofl of your fears

I’ve held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone

But though you’re still with me

I’ve been alone all along

Ryo knew that no matter what had just happened, he’d never stop loving Dee. He knew those feelings would never be returned, but his feelings couldn’t be denied. For as long as he lived, Dee would forever haunt his dreams.

End

*hides* Yes, I know that was angsty! But I was in a very, very angsty, depressed mood as I said in the beginning, so what was expected? I still hope it was enjoyed. Oh, yes, and the song can be found on Evanescence’s CD "Fallen", which I highly recommend! Please, review!
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My Immortal