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All the truth is on the table	By : animegher Category: +M to R > One Piece Views: 13709 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: All characters and boobies belong to Eiichiro Oda and other producing companies, etc, etc...

Warning for gay sex, pulp-fiction level language, and liberal amounts of artistic license.

Zoro opened his eyes up to the same blue sky with small, white clouds spotting the horizon. It was a wonder that they always sailed on such calm seas with such perfect weather day after day. It was like Luffy had somehow managed to get on the better side of Mother Nature, singing loudly on top of the figurehead to the rhythm of someone hammering. Zoro rolled his head around on the deck to spot Usopp nailing a support beam onto the mast of the ship. Even if Luffy did have some strange luck with the weather, there was nothing protecting the ship from Luffy. The idiot captain had somehow managed to trip and run headfirst into the mast, causing more damage to the wood than anything else. Usopp did his best to take care of things, but there was no helping it when such a destructive person like Luffy was around. Zoro had never known anyone to be more durable and� so blindingly stupid. There wasn�t a day that went by where Zoro didn�t have to remind himself exactly why he was following this brain dead, wet-behind-the-ears, stunningly naïve delinquent around. If Luffy weren�t so damn confident about becoming the Pirate King, Zoro would have never agreed to become a crewmember in the first place. There was something about that son of a bitch, beyond that monstrous strength of his, which made Luffy worth following�

Even if he had yet to hit a single note right as that horrible singing rang in Zoro�s ears. What a fucking appalling way to wake up, rubbing a hand through his hair as he sat up lazily to look around the ship. Robin was probably down below deck, reading some book and gracefully avoiding the usual insanity that was their crew. Zoro had to respect a classy woman like that, and not just for her Devil Fruit ability-unlike another woman. Nami had unfolded her lawn chair and was tanning on the raised deck of the stern, a newspaper on her lap and a large umbrella over her head. That devil woman looked like a princess right now in a white bikini, a half-empty drink hanging from her fingers and a little smile on her fox-like face. Sanji didn�t help matters by serving on that witch�s every whim and favor. Zoro could tell she was plotting something from this far away; Nami never gave it a rest. He could hear the coins dropping through her selfish head even across the deck. He somehow still owed that damn thief money, though he had paid her back four times over now. That interest kept adding up, Zoro somehow always ending up in the hole. Fortunately, he hadn�t joined this pirate ship in order to make money.

"Oh, Zoro, you�re awake?" Usopp asked around a mouthful of nails, glancing over his shoulder as Zoro sat up from what was either his morning or afternoon nap. Zoro couldn�t quite remember. The days between landing at each dock just blurred together, nothing to do beyond attacking the occasional ship they came across or killing a Sea King for dinner. It was still nothing worth calling actual sword practice, his three swords sheathed, waiting on the deck next to him. There was no reason to carry them when they were on such miserably peaceful waters. Zoro could only train, endless push-ups, sit-ups, weight-lifts, and constantly swinging a sword over and over again in the same exact move for hours on end... and then he would nap until something better came up. Except today, he had already finished his usual training and seemed to have napped as long his body could stand.

"Anything going on?" Zoro asked, wiping tears from his eyes as he stretched and stood up. Amazing how easily he had settled into this life with these guys, so carefree that it could make someone go insane- if he didn�t from Luffy�s antics alone. He had never gotten thrown around more in his whole life, cursing the day some deranged power-that-be had seen fit to make something like the Devil�s Fruits. And a rubber one at that? Zoro wouldn�t be able to guess at how anyone would be able to use that ability as a weapon, but Luffy had proven to be ridiculously powerful over and over again. He was easily the strongest pirate in East Blue, but he still had a long way to go until becoming Pirate King� Just like Zoro was still not the strongest swordsman in the world. He would make his ambitions come to life, no matter if it was as a villainous pirate or the fearsome Three-Sword Pirate Hunter. Luffy and he had something in common when it came to their dreams. Luffy completely understood his ambition and wasn�t about to get in the way of it, which was something that no one else had seemed able to do before. Each and every one of them on this ship had a dream that they were going to see through, and for some reason it seemed attainable with Luffy as their captain.

"Chopper�s talking to the seagulls. Apparently there�s an island somewhere around here," Usopp answered after taking the nails out of his mouth. Zoro couldn�t help but slowly look up the main mast to see a pink top-hat and a small hoof gesturing wildly at a pair of birds that had landed on the edge of the look out. It was certainly helpful having a creature that could talk to animals, even if the reindeer-man was a total coward. Zoro was surprised that the blue-nosed reindeer had even climbed up that high. Chopper would probably be screaming for help down soon enough. Until there was confirmation on the island, Zoro could either nap again or start singing with Luffy. He frowned, rubbing his stomach as he realized that he was hungry at last.

"Is it dinner yet?" Zoro asked, trying to find the sun in the sky so he would be able to tell the time. Except he could tell it was somewhere behind the sails, hopelessly in the middle of the afternoon. Usopp began to grin, a malicious glint in his eyes when Zoro�s stomach growled underneath his green waistband.

"You missed lunch," Usopp sang out, one hand covering his mouth underneath that absurdly long nose of his as he dared to laugh at Roronoa Zoro.

He walked away from Usopp, after giving the little freak a well-deserved punch on the head. The idiot was lying in a smoking heap on the deck, no more smart comments coming out of his mouth after being knocked unconscious. He shook his head at the village kid, wondering how Usopp had managed to get mixed up with them as well. Beyond that wickedly long nose, he was every bit of normal; perhaps a little too easy to knock out, but that was to be expected.

Zoro went to the galley, opening up to door to what served as Sanji�s working and living room. If the navigation room was Nami�s, the kitchen was definitely Sanji�s, his own hammock hanging close to the stove. Zoro had first thought the man was really an fool, the perfect example of a dumb blonde�until they had entered the Snow Country and Sanji had a warm, goodnight�s sleep every time. Zoro had quickly become jealous of Sanji�s sleeping arrangement, shoved between Usopp and Luffy for one night more than intolerable. He had ended up sleeping in the hallways, telling himself that being cold was a part of training as well. At least they were back in good weather, the sun almost strong enough to be too hot, if not for the soft breeze that was pushing the Going Merry through the waters right now. It was definitely hotter in the galley though, something going on the stove and smoke hanging in the air from the smoking blonde sitting at the table. Despite the large pot sitting on top of an open flame, the cook was smoking and relaxing at the corner of the large table that served as the ship�s dining area.

Zoro closed the door and walked in, sitting down at the end of the bench opposite of Sanji without greeting. The blonde didn�t glance up, his one visible eye focused down on the work between his hands. The jacket was gone and his shirtsleeves were folded up to the elbow, his tie loose and collar open in the stuffy heat of the kitchen. The smoke swirled around at his entrance, marking his disturbance to whatever Sanji might have been in the middle of. Zoro couldn�t understand how a man could smoke in these kinds of conditions, already feeling a sweat break out on his neck. It didn�t seem to touch the cook other than his loose and rumpled shirt, blowing out even more smoke from his frowning mouth. There was a mess of flour, eggshells, used spoons and measuring cups with a dozen other things that Zoro didn�t really care about. In front of Sanji was an opened wooden box and a bag of loose, dried, brown tobacco spilled out onto the table. There was a packet of white papers, one being rolled by Sanji right now. Zoro raised an eyebrow, not knowing before that Sanji had made his own cigarettes, hopelessly fascinated by the process. Sanji had the paper loosely folded long-ways, his fingers pinching the edges together while he rubbed it down, working the tobacco into it�s typical thin cylinder shape. He paused, holding it carefully with one hand as he took a final hit from the cigarette already burning his mouth before pressing it out in the ashtray by his hand. Zoro watched as Sanji ran his tongue along the edge of the paper before setting it against the table and quickly twisting it up, blowing out a smooth line of thick gray smoke the whole while. The cook padded the cigarette into shape with thin fingers, picking up a lighter and burning it along the length of the paper to seal the loose edges. After one final examination, the cigarette passed a silent test and was set down off to the side, finally finished.

He couldn�t help but get caught up in watching Sanji�s hands. They really were something else, even though the cook never used them to fight. He had declared his hands too precious to his life as a cook to be broken punching someone when he had perfectly good shoes on his feet. Even saying that, Sanji�s fingers were still callused and rough. There were scars from mishandling knives, just like Zoro did from when he was a kid first learning how to handle a katana. He could only assume that those cuts and burns had come from when Sanji had been foolish and inexperienced as well, since he hadn�t seen the blonde drop a cutting knife once. Sanji handled open grease fires like a man that had no fear of death, sautéing creations that Zoro had never even imagined. It had been quite a change to suddenly have a gourmet chef cooking for him all the time, used to scavenging on the streets or through pirate ships for food. He didn�t even know that there could be seven courses in one meal.

"Are you just going to stare the whole fucking time, or did you actually have a question?" Sanji asked at last, raising up that ludicrous curly eyebrow at Zoro�s silent observation of the cigarette-making process. He liked blondes, and he liked the short, stylish way Sanji wore his hair. He did have to wonder why Sanji always kept his left eye covered though. In fact, there were a lot of questions he had to ask the stupid Love Cook, now that Zoro thought about it. There were some things that he didn�t know about Sanji, like anything that had happened to him before joining their crew. All Zoro knew was that Luffy had somehow managed to convince the shitty waiter to leave that restaurant-boat and sail with them instead. He could pity the poor bastard, also not sure exactly how he had ended up in this rag-tag group of pirates either; but there were still a few things a man would like to know about the person he called nakama. Damn Luffy for making him believe in that word again.

"Is there anything to eat?" First and foremost would still be his stomach, though.

"You�ll have to wait. I�m making stew right now," Sanji answered, tossing his head toward the pot on the stove. Zoro frowned over at it in disappointment, hoping for something a little more substantial than damn stew. He was going to need some meat if he was going to become the strongest swordsman in the whole world; not some mix of leftovers and water left to boil together. He knew how much Sanji liked to save and use every possible shred of edible material, but a man got sick of the same leftovers after three days, no matter how Sanji dressed it up. Zoro had never once found himself able to complain about the taste of things though, better than any of the scraps he had picked up off the ground, dusted off, and ate happily when he had been living in harder times. He just hadn�t had any other choice then, but he had gotten spoiled eating Sanji�s cooking all the time. Perhaps if the guy didn�t have such an attitude about it, it wouldn�t have bothered Zoro so much; but for some reason the thought of shitty stew made him pissed off.

"Looks more like cigarettes," Zoro grumbled as he settled his chin down into his palms, resting his elbows on the table to glare at Sanji. He was supposed to be the cook, not the drug supplier. Besides, Sanji was the only one who smoked on this vessel. What if they were attacked? They were going to need his great strength then, and there was no way Zoro was going to be able to fight on an empty stomach. Sanji would be crying with regret then instead of glancing up to glare at him.

"I was going to offer to make some bread real quick, but you can forget it now. There won�t be anything to eat until I finish rolling the rest of this bag," Sanji declared, cold and indifferent to anyone other than Nami. Just because that bitch had a nice rack, the cook turned into a whiny mess of a man, spouting out French in another vain attempt to impress their navigator. She didn�t even care beyond the favors she could get out of the blonde. It was so pathetic that one couldn�t help but pity the poor bastard. Especially when he couldn�t notice that other people would make far better partners. Zoro wasn�t able to accuse the cook of being dull, but when it came to certain things, the blonde truly was oblivious. Zoro frowned as Sanji began to drop more of the crumbling, dry leaves in a messy line on another paper.

"Are you even old enough to smoke cigarettes?" Zoro asked as Sanji began to roll a second one. He got another glare for that, but it was something that had been bothering him for a while. He didn�t know Sanji�s age, couldn�t really assess it from that long body and jaded manner; along with the bizarrely childish side of him that rivaled Usopp and Luffy�s. It was hard to think that a guy like Sanji actually had facial hair. Zoro couldn�t help but feeling like he was sailing on the ocean with a bunch of kids, despite their fighting skills. He didn�t really have anything against underage smoking, not about to stick his nose into anyone else�s life�but it was a good question to ask. He had to know if Sanji was a minor or not, since Zoro did have a few morals. He didn�t know the exact moment he had suddenly decided that he wanted to screw their ship�s cook, but being stuck out in the endless blue sea with four other people and one reindeer was bound to make any man have strange thoughts. Homosexuality wasn�t really an issue either, since Zoro didn�t care whom he slept with whenever they finally docked at an island with humanity. After being stuck on the same ship with the same people and having no choice but to jerk off into the ocean, Zoro had surpassed horny and became near mindless with lust. There were some things that a man just had to do in order to stay sane, Zoro needing the stress relieve more than anything else. Fucking was always nicer than masturbating. Zoro liked the freedom of lying with a person for one night and setting sail the next morning, never having to see his or her face again. Having sex with a crewmember was a completely different matter. If things went bad, there was nowhere to go on a ship, but that reasoning had been sounding weaker and weaker lately. Zoro was definitely a pretty boy, even if he did have a kick that was just as destructive as Zoro�s swords along with more than his fair share of arrogance. There were times when Zoro wondered if he hadn�t mistaken the desire to punch the blonde a good one right in the face for love.

"I can smoke more than you, muscle-head," Sanji returned sharply, beginning to roll his new cigarette with a lot more aggression than was necessary. Zoro watched in amusement, waiting for the paper to rip. The man still hadn�t answered his question, dancing around the subject with as much grace as an avalanche. Even if Sanji wasn�t going to say his age, Zoro could still guess that the blonde was younger than he was.

"I�ve slept with more people than you can even dream of," Zoro shot right back, gaining the delight of seeing Sanji blush underneath the fringe of his bangs, his visible cheek turning a light rose as he blinked up at Zoro in shock. He was still so young if he was getting embarrassed over talk like this, despite chasing after Nami like a dog in heat. His thin goatee almost seemed ridiculous on such an attractive face, but it only added to the charm of this foul-mouthed cook.

"Wh-what does that have to do with anything, you shithead?!" Sanji stuttered, unable to meet Zoro�s eyes for more than instant despite all attempts. "Making jokes like that�" he mumbled, finishing the second cigarette in a mechanical manner. Sanji�s ears were turning red, his whole face beginning to flush like he was suddenly coming down with a fever. It was almost a shame that the guy colored this easily, his pale skin doing nothing to hide the blood rushing to Sanji�s face. Zoro knew he had the advantage, able to switch the conversation around quicker than Sanji could keep up. He liked being in control.

"I bet you�re still a virgin," Zoro whispered it, making his voice go to that low, sexy drawl he would usually use on the women. Men weren�t typically impressed with such things, but it seemed to do the trick with Sanji as he dropped the misshapen cigarette from lifeless fingers. There was a moment�s pause, nothing but the sound of the stew boiling on the stove as Sanji and Zoro stared at each other. And then, Sanji�s bench went flying backward as the blonde shot out of his seat, stepping away from the table in a clear fighting stance.

"Try saying that again, fucker!" Sanji yelled, daring Zoro to taunt him one more time. That blush was completely gone, the blonde�s face hardened with anger at his chastity being brought up so casually. Zoro didn�t even get out of his seat, still too tired from his nap and this morning�s training to want to fight right now. He just smiled at the irate blonde, ready to admit that he had probably pushed the brat too far. He just hadn�t expected the cook to have such a temper, proving just what a child he was� one that looked very grown up in those black pants and heavy, studded belt. Zoro couldn�t help but stare at the crotch that had become so conveniently eye-level before he even looked at the face above it.

"It�s not anything to get upset about," Zoro tried to calm Sanji down, raising up an eyebrow of his own at the cook trembling in outrage. His shoulders were heaving with each breath, his delicate and scarred hands making fists at his sides, a little bit more of his neck showed, as the tie became looser. Zoro unconsciously tapped his nose with his finger as he studied the blonde that was turning homicidal in front of him. He decided that Sanji definitely looked his best when he was angry about something, becoming focused and somehow more mature, even if he was fighting. It was really his own fault for looking so good; that very uncommon and perfect golden hair color that was rare among blondes. Zoro had done girls with hair so light and pale it was nearly silver and dirty blondes that should really just give up and call themselves brunettes, but he had never found anyone with Sanji�s particular shade before. He suddenly had the strangest desire to touch it, to feel that hair and finally know if it was just as soft as it looked.

"In fact, I could help you out," Zoro suggested, simply unable to resist the taunt. Sanji went red in the face all over again, but this time it wasn�t from embarrassment. Zoro could taste the killing spirit in the air, realizing a moment too late that he had accidentally pissed Sanji off enough to make him serious.

"Like I need your fucking help!" Sanji�s hissed words were all the warning Zoro got before one long leg snapped up and hit him in the shoulder like a gunshot. He was sent backward, flying straight out of his seat and against barrels stacked up against the wall. Zoro barely missed hitting the wind holder, but a bottle still fell down and shattered on the floor from the force of impact. Zoro threw an elbow out far too late, hauling himself up and reaching for�. Swords that weren�t there. He had left them on deck like an idiot. Zoro tisked, already regretting starting a fight in such small quarters. If he was going to start trouble, he should come prepared next time. Thankfully, Zoro was no fool when it came to a regular brawl either. He knew that if Sanji dropped his hands down to the floor and was able to get into a good position to kick, Zoro wouldn�t have a chance. Except right now, Sanji had his foot raised for a single blow, probably waiting for Zoro to rush in. If he was lucky, if he was fast enough, he might be able to avoid it. If not, he was probably going to wind up with a few broken bones. Zoro couldn�t help but smiling, finally finding something to fight that would actually hold a challenge.

He moved, forward� eyes widening when he saw muscles move, could feel the air begin to push toward him as Sanji started his kick�was so in the moment that the cook might as well have been moving in slow motion. He sidestepped and was inside Sanji�s guard before the blonde could knee him, quickly grabbing both wrists and pushing Sanji back until he could pin the man against the wall. He might as well have been holding a wet cat for how much Sanji fought at that point, cursing so loudly that it was a shock no one came to see what was going on. Zoro supposed that being on the same ship as Luffy would deaden the most sensitive of hearing, only able to grin as Sanji struggled against him. Zoro had to move in closer just to protect a very precious organ from Sanji�s knees; not about to give Sanji the room he needed to get off a good kick. He could hold the cook�s arms easily enough, however, not about to lose to anyone when it came to physical strength. And, besides, in terms of upper body, a swordsman had more muscle on a martial artist who only used his feet any day. He dragged Sanji�s wrists together with a fight, not sure if the cook was just skinny or if his own hands were simply too big, but Zoro held Sanji�s hands above his head with one arm. He rested the other one on his hip, grinning triumphantly at the blonde while his backside and shoulder began to ache. The shitty cook had more than enough bite to him.

"You son of a bitch!" Sanji snarled, spit hitting Zoro�s cheeks now that he was so close to the blonde. That longer, thinner body was struggling against his own, one deadly leg trapped between both of Zoro�s as he leaned his heavier weight on top of the cook. He could feel the bones in Sanji�s wrists begin to grind together as the blonde still tried to struggle, absolutely livid with anger. He was rather breathtaking at the moment. Zoro couldn�t resist the temptation any longer, putting one hand to the side of Sanji�s cheek and brushing aside that hair that had hung over half of the cook�s pretty face for too long. He was already leaning in for a kiss, his body instinctively moving in before his eyes registered what was underneath Sanji�s bangs.

There was a light scar around his temple, puckered and silver-white skin about the size of an orange. It cut off the eyebrow before the hair could curl around to match the other one, but on the most past wasn�t very terrible or horrible to look at. Zoro had far worse and much larger scars decorating his own body, too many to even count. But, that scar wasn�t what was most shocking. Sanji�s left eye was completely white, the pupil and iris bleached into a milky swirl that Zoro could barely distinguish. Sanji immediately went still while Zoro could only stare at the unexpected wound, wondering just where the hell the cook had managed to get something like that. Sanji couldn�t even look him in the face, staring down at the floor and biting his lower lip in shame. Zoro felt like a jerk for peeking, dropping his hand away quickly and backing off. There was no fight in Sanji now as his hair fell down to hide his eye again, the blonde slapping a hand over it in embarrassment. It was somehow worse than seeing Sanji naked, than knowing his deepest secret. The wound was obviously extremely personal to the cook, and Zoro had just exposed it and looked on in horror.

"When�What�?" Zoro tried to form a question that wouldn�t sound incredibly insensitive and failed. He took another step back, giving the cook more room as Sanji shuddered and dropped his head down in shame- because Zoro had just done whatever he wanted without asking. He gritted his teeth, shaking his head at the mark on that otherwise lovely face. Why did he have to just look instead of thinking a little bit first?

"When I was young, I met that shitty old fart on our ship. He beat me up and kicked me overboard into the middle of a storm," Sanji started in a tired voice, his shoulders hunching down lower with each word. Zoro stood back, wisely deciding to shut his mouth and listen. He had already proved himself to be enough of a bastard when he had brushed Sanji�s hair aside. Of course the cook would have something to hide when he always wore his bangs down in front of that left eye. Zoro had just never known how serious it was. He frowned, wanting to ask if the �shitty old fart� was that head cook with the ridiculously tall chef�s hat back on the Baratie, but wasn�t about to interrupt. Sanji would tell him everything that he wanted to. Zoro knew that if he were spilling his heart out to anyone, he wouldn�t want them to suddenly interrupt him with a question or lame comfort like �everything will be alright.�

"We were stranded on a rock for�for weeks. There was nothing there� Absolutely nothing," Sanji�s voice took on a hollow sound, his good eye staring forward at nothing. The tall blonde�s knees buckled, long legs folding as the cook slid down against the wall and hit the floor. His arms wrapped around his thighs, looking very young and very vulnerable as Sanji started to reminisce. Zoro doubted that he had told this story to anyone before, not even Luffy. That straw-hat moron seemed to understand them all, somehow able to make them admit everything. Such a strange captain to follow, Zoro not sure if Luffy was incredible dumb or unimaginably enlightened. He hadn�t seen anyone as innocent as Luffy before. Everyone had committed some sort of sin in their lives. Zoro had become an evil Pirate Hunter with reason; killing many even as they screamed for mercy. He had managed to ignore their words, turning cold whenever someone cursed him with their final breath. It had been a long time since he had smiled and laughed like he had on this ship. And, it wasn�t just Luffy. As much as he hated Nami, he loved her like a little sister. He also had a soft spot for younger women, always feeling the foolish need to protect them. Chopper was an aggravated version of that, so disgustingly cute with those wide eyes and large top hat. He bordered on stuffed-animal cute, always impressed whenever they docked at a new shore. Usopp was the same, nothing more than a country boy that had somehow got caught up in Luffy�s quest to become the Pirate King. He was an incurable liar and coward, but was rather handy when it came to repairs. Usopp could even draw as well, impressing Zoro a few times with sketches he had done in permanent pens. He apparently ran out of pencils often, having to wait until they landed in a town with an art store for more.

Zoro knew all these stupid, useless details about his friends; and yet he didn�t even know if Sanji had a hobby beyond cooking. This was the most he had ever heard of Sanji�s past before, crossing his arms as he tried to recover from the shock of that colorless eye. He didn�t quite understand what this story would have to do with it, but he was sure that Sanji would explain soon enough. If this had happened when he was �young,� barely seeming out of his teens even now, Zoro couldn�t imagine what it must have been like. They passed by the rocks Sanji was probably remembering, nothing but lava that had hardened up from volcanoes on the ocean floor. Nami had explained it to them before, that eventually dirt would collect, leading to soil for plants, then animals. It was hard to picture that all islands had once started as nothing more then foul-smelling, black waste�even worse to think that Sanji had been stuck on one as a child. It was one thing to starve when you had an ambition you had already sworn your life to; but Zoro doubted that Sanji had the same resolve. The hopelessness that Sanji must have felt was palpable, just looking at that defeated figure curled up on the floor at the mere memory of it.

"That wound got infected. I never got the protein for my body to heal, because we nearly ended up starving to death in that hellhole before a ship came," Sanji's voice was somehow very calm even though this must be a horrible memory for him. Zoro tried to remember the days he had gone hungry, having no money or means to get meat. He had dug turnips up as he found them in the ground, nothing too low as long as he lived. Zoro wasn�t the type of person to let his pride get in the way of survival. He had to become the greatest swordsman before he died, nothing else. To just be a kid, out in the middle of the unforgiving sea without any supplies. It was a miracle that a ship had passed by in the first place, considering how great East Blue was; and it was considered to be the weakest, smallest ocean of all. Zoro thought about looking out on all of the water flowing out until it met the horizon and knowing that he couldn�t drink it. That the same water that was responsible for his death also might bring a ship that would save his life� It must have been horrible for anyone, adult or child.

"I�m�I�m blind in that eye," Sanji admitted at last, burying his face into his knees as his explanation finally seemed to come to an end. At least, the cook didn�t seem like he was going to be able to talk any time soon. There weren�t any tears, likely cried out a long time ago. Sanji had been dealing with this for years, after all. Zoro closed one eye, unable to help it. Immediately he was trying to look over the bridge of his nose, his blind spot suddenly growing beyond just his back. Zoro soon had a headache, opening his eye back up and rubbing at it in irritation. To never be able to open that eye and see clearly again� Zoro was overcome with a fear for himself, imagining such a blind spot, an appalling handicap in depth perception when he handled three swords. He doubted that he would be able to pull of any special techniques if he ever lost half his vision. He might as well loose an arm.

Zoro wasn�t even sure how he could begin comforting someone for that.

He tentatively reached out, intending to put a hand on Sanji�s shoulder. Now wasn�t the time to be thinking with his dick, even if Sanji looked rather lovely right now. The suffering profile was just as nice as the angry one. He�d love to just hug and kiss everything better, but Sanji wasn�t some woman he could charm with his reputation and�well, frankly, God-given good looks. Zoro knew he had a handsome face, unlike Sanji. The blonde should know better than to think that a scar that didn�t even cover much of his face would be a turn-off. Zoro had scars wider than his hand and longer than his katana running up, down, across, horizontal, and around his body. If anyone should consider themselves horribly disfigured, it should be Zoro. He hoped that would be enough to understand Sanji�s feelings, to at least get him off of the floor.

"Don�t fucking touch me! I�ll gut you like a damn fish," Sanji threatened, slapping his wrist away before Zoro could even come in contact with him. His mouth dropped open, not expecting to be so harshly rejected when he was doing his best to be nice to the little brat. Instead of saying �thank you,� the blonde slapped both palms down on the ground and was beginning to propel his body up to get into position for a kick. The only difference was that Zoro was expecting it this time. Sanji finally got a taste of his own medicine when he slammed his knee into the conveniently exposed stomach as the cook hesitated one fatal moment in rising up to his usual handstand. Sanji fell down straight onto that stubborn head of his, his body slumping over and hitting the floor in short order.

"I was trying to be nice, shitty Love-Cook," Zoro snapped down at the motionless body at his feet. He could almost regret at the sight of those long legs and arms sprawled out limply, the waist tapering in like any woman�s. Sanji just had the sort of body that demanded one�s full attention. It was almost painful to stay on the same ship as the cook and not say anything day after day. How was he supposed to just sit there and pretend like he didn�t have very, very vivid dreams whenever they had been out at sea for too long? Zoro couldn�t wait for another stranger in the next town when he had a living wet dream unconscious in front of him. Zoro glanced back at the door, wondering if their fight had brought any attention yet. He shouldn�t be calculating how much time he could possibly have alone with Sanji� he still hadn�t even figured out the blonde�s real age yet! Damn if he didn�t care either at this point.

"You broke my fucking rib!" Was the surprising curse Sanji growled out, curling up around his side. Zoro crossed his arms, a little bit taken back at that. He wasn�t sure if it was because Sanji was still able to insult him or if it was because the cook had managed to stay conscious after taking a kick from him. Zoro may not have the same kind of skill as Sanji when it came to using his feet, but he was no weakling either. Even still, there was no way he could have possibly broken a bone. Sanji was made of tougher stuff than that. Zoro knew it rather well from his own experience, not quite able to come away with a clear win whenever he got into a fight with Sanji.

"I didn�t get you that hard," Zoro argued, his voice sounding weak to his own ears. He hadn�t! Sanji was just trying to make him feel guilty or such. The bastard had to be faking this; that had to be the case. Because Zoro didn�t want to start thinking about how guilty he would feel if he had accidentally managed to hurt the cook.

"You did!" Sanji whined out, surprisingly vocal about his injuries when they weren�t in the middle of a real life-or-death fight.

Zoro grabbed Sanji by the wrist, roughly hauling him up from the floor and into a standing position�well, at least the best Sanji could do when he was hunched over like an old woman. As was to be expected, there was an immediately a struggle that ended up in Zoro getting fingernails raked down the side of his face in an accidental collision with a loose hand that wasn�t even making a fist. Even still, getting hit in the face was something that Zoro didn�t easily stand for. He got a better grip on Sanji�s arm and got it twisted around behind the shitty cook�s back, slamming the blonde face-first into the table by the mess he had made with those damn cigarettes.

"I�ll really hurt you if keep trying to hit me!" Zoro promised, shoving all his weight onto the captured limb and grinning in satisfaction when he felt bones grind together. Sanji winced and made a painful noise with his breathing, attempting one final time to throw Zoro off before there was a warning creak. Zoro really would break a bone if Sanji kept this up. The message finally seemed to get through, because the blonde slowly let the tension drain out even though he obviously hated it. He backed off as well, not fool enough to actually let Sanji go quite yet as he kept a firm grip on the cook�s wrist.

Silence. Angry, sullen silence that promised unimaginable violence whenever Zoro eased up. Sanji�s golden locks were hiding whatever murderous look Sanji might be making right now, his Adam�s Apple bobbing as the cook swallowed. It was probably killing him to not fight back right now, but Sanji didn�t have a choice when he was being pinned to the table by the legendary Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro. Zoro paused at that, actually realizing their positions as he ground a hip into Sanji�s ass, unaware that he was touching the man so much. It felt awkward now that they weren�t fighting, too close to what Zoro had pictured before. His dreams certainly hadn�t included the galley�s table, but Sanji was being bent over something, so that was good enough for him. The only trick was to get Sanji to want this too. It was like the stupid bastard didn�t think about sex beyond Nami-and the innumerable number of pretty ladies Sanji had attempted to swoon and fail. He had no idea that Zoro thought about him at night, wondering how Sanji would feel from the inside. He had a few men before, but none of them had been as pretty as Sanji. He was all legs, ones to be jealous of no matter what sex you were. He had a handsome face and he knew it�at least on one side. Zoro brushed the hair aside, exposing that scar. It was almost like he couldn�t get enough of it, fascinated by the way Sanji�s eyes had turned completely white, the strange pattern that the skin had healed in.

"Don�t look at me, damn it!" Sanji screamed it hoarsely, trying to twist his neck around at an impossible angle so he could see what was going on. He truly was blind in that eye, Zoro blinking as the shock really settled in. He wasn�t quite sure what he was thinking- or if he was thinking at all- but Zoro leaned forward over Sanji�s back and placed his lips on that scar. He kissed it while the blonde shuddered and went completely still for the first time since he had walked in the galley. The skin was rough and hard like a callous, but Sanji was very warm, and very, very nice to look at in spite of his arguing and cursing.

"Zoro, what-�?" Sanji tried to ask a question, but the sound of his name in that deep smoker�s voice made his pants become too tight. If Zoro had any confusion about his feelings, they were now completely cleared up. He really did want to screw Sanji into the table; and damn the consequences. He should have just kept his mouth shut instead of trying to argue with that voice that didn�t quite match the pretty face. Zoro let go of Sanji�s arm, but this time it was to grab the man by the shoulder and jaw, forcing the cook up for a proper kiss. Well, it was more of lips being smashed together; Sanji�s teeth clenched shut as he tried to twist away from the unwanted affection. He ended up completely on his back; their stomachs pressed together as Zoro forced himself between the cook�s legs. He may be stupid enough to just go for it with Sanji, but he wasn�t about to allow the man a chance to kick him again.

Sanji was reduced to struggling sounds underneath him, opening his mouth and unintentionally letting Zoro in. He prided himself on knowing how to kiss, leaving many women gasping or outright fainting afterward. Zoro let his tongue explore this velvet inside of Sanji�s mouth which, big fucking surprise, tasted like cigarettes. He had never had been particularly fond of the things, but on Sanji it just seemed ridiculously sexy. The man himself was no longer fighting as much, he hadn�t even tried to bite Zoro�s tongue. All it took was licking the roof of Sanji�s mouth to have the cook responding at last, his own tongue meeting Zoro�s and a hand sliding through his own short hair until it rested on the back of Zoro�s neck. He took that as a signal to go; finally, letting Sanji loose and immediately undoing his tie without even breaking the kiss. He had the piece off cloth sliding out from Sanji�s collar and across the room in no time, popping a few buttons to expose more of the cook. He didn�t undo the shirt all the way, wanting to take his time and enjoy this. If Luffy and the others hadn�t come in to check on Sanji�s earlier yell, they certainly wouldn�t now. He wouldn�t be too concerned if the rest of the crew saw this anyway, not about to give up this opportunity to make the rotten bastard scream his name aloud. Zoro broke the kiss to start licking and sucking a messy line from chin to ear, noticing how the cook shivered when he continued the same treatment on his scar.

"I�ll be gentle," Zoro whispered against Sanji�s neck, pressing his lips against the skin afterward. Sanji somehow managed to taste like sugar� in fact, there was a dusting of sweet stuff across his tongue now as Zoro realized the cook must have spilled something while at work. It was so bizarrely fitting that Zoro had a hard time not laughing aloud. He wondered if Nami�s aversion to their love cook would change if she knew he tasted sweet on top of being so hopelessly enamored with her. Well, Zoro was officially there first, determined to make Sanji completely forget about the greedy bitch, because he just might want to do this again.

"I'd hate to ruin your little fantasy here, but I�m not a virgin," Sanji sighed out in tired irritation, his hand moving to shove at Zoro�s face. He wondered for a moment if the blonde might be lying just to get him to back off, but his relaxed body language and dull gaze told Zoro that he wasn�t. Sanji tossed his hair back lazily, unimpressed even though he had been very responsive only moments ago. The cook�s turn-off was obviously being coddled. He didn�t know what to say, a little horrified that Sanji had managed to hit so close to the mark with that �fantasy� comment, more than disappointed that he wasn�t the first. Zoro had just assumed when he saw the suave cook turn into a squealing twelve-year-old boy with a crush on their navigator. Zoro tried to imagine the kind of woman that could ever honestly consider sleeping with the painfully eager love cook��Woman.� Zoro grinned, finding hope yet. He could still very well be Sanji�s first male lover. Either way, it was important to make a lasting impression.

"Discouraged?" Sanji asked when Zoro kept silent for too long, all of this thinking diverting his attention. The blonde was looking over to the side at the few cigarettes he had managed to finished, as if he wanted to smoke right now because he was so bored. Sanji didn�t even know what he was provoking.

"Hardly," Zoro answered quickly, not about to lose in an exchange of wits between him and the fucking cook. With that said, Zoro quickly resumed his attack on Sanji�s mouth, finding the shirt once again with his hand and undoing every single button before starting on the belt as well. Sanji was surprisingly complaint, kicking off his own shoes and wriggling his hips out of the pants to help speed up the process. Soon the cook was mostly naked; the shirt still caught around his arms with a hand locked around the back of Zoro�s neck. He wasn�t sure if he was pinning Sanji down, or if the cook was keeping him from backing up. It was the first time Zoro had ever had sex with someone who could just as easily beat him up right now, since Zoro had come in unarmed. Zoro gave up trying to understand why he found that so exciting, sucking on an earlobe while Sanji made encouraging sounds.

He let his hand wander from throat down to Sanji�s chest, nice and smooth skin stretched over more bones then muscle. There were entertaining divots in Sanji�s chest from his ribcage before Zoro finally ran his thumb over one nipple. He felt skin begin to tighten at the contact before he pinched it, causing Sanji to jerk so deliciously that Zoro had to do it again. He was so entranced by it that he didn�t even notice a foreign hand touching the front of his pants before cupping his dick through the fabric with enough force to make Zoro�s vision tinge gray. He coughed and would have fallen on top of the cook if he hadn�t caught himself with one elbow on the table. He glared at Sanji, who had a sly grin on his face as he looked triumphantly up at Zoro with his good eye.

"Are you going to keep your clothes on?" Sanji asked, easing up the pressure to lightly knead his balls. If he hadn�t had an erection before, Zoro was definitely hard now. It still wasn�t very relieving, more like a lingering threat as he was slowly allowed to back up to remove his clothing. Sanji remained sprawled out on the table like the shirt falling off his arms was pure gold, smirking at him in a smug manner that could give Nami a run for her money. Zoro had his waistband and shirt off so fast that he might have heard seams popping. He starting undoing his pants, belatedly realizing that he didn�t have any lube or condoms� It wasn�t like he had walked in here expecting to screw the cook. Zoro glanced around the place frantically, his eyes falling on the mess Sanji had left behind after whatever he had been cooking, to the butter sitting on a plate. He kissed Sanji one more time on the mouth to make sure that he didn�t lose the mood before awkwardly reaching over the cook for the spread.

"You can�t use that!" Sanji snapped in an offended way when Zoro just put his fingers into the stick of butter and clawed away a good-sized chunk. He sighed, letting his shoulders drop in disappointment. Couldn�t Sanji at least recognize the fact that he was damn well trying?

"You want me to just do it dry?" Zoro snapped testily, wanting Sanji to tell him just what else they could do.

There was a light in Sanji�s gaze that wasn�t quite sane.

It wasn�t fear of Zoro�s threat since Sanji could knee him in a particularly sensitive spot right now, but the personal knowledge of just how painful that could be. Zoro blinked, regretting saying anything at the panicked expression that had come over his face. There was nothing but the usual rocking of the boat making them press together, Sanji�s fingers scratching on the surface of the table as he suddenly tried to get away from Zoro.

"You wouldn�t," Sanji hissed, muscles tensing up as the blonde obviously got ready to fight, naked or not. Zoro knew the safest thing to do was give Sanji some space, even if it meant letting the cook have enough room to attack. Mood: completely fucking blown to hell. It was hard to be romantic with someone who was so obviously terrified of him- and it was Zoro�s own fault for being an ass. In his defense, how was he supposed to know that Sanji would take that joke so honestly? There was no possible way that Zoro would actually consider doing that to the tough but thin and delicate-looking blonde, no fucking way he could treat a lover with such disrespect. Zoro might have slept around, but he had at no time taken someone against his or her will, or forced them to do anything they didn�t want to do. Surely he could be given a little fucking bit of credit for being a friend!

"No, I wouldn�t," he promised, sensing that Sanji needed to hear that even after he had been so bitchy about Zoro swearing to be gentle earlier, "�but this is the best thing I�ve got," Zoro held up the butter in apology. The cook sucked in a sharp breath through his nose, looking at the grease starting to melt in his hand, and let out a nervous laugh that sounded more like open sobbing to Zoro. The cook sagged back onto his elbows in relief, a shudder running down from his shoulders to his toes. Zoro drooped down as well, figuring that he should probably just do his pants up and find a towel to clean his hand off with. Things were going to be pretty damn awkward now with one failed attempt at sex between them. He cursed under his breath, starting to back away before Sanji noticed the movement. Zoro suddenly had two long legs wrapped around his sides, trapping him there. An arm was hooked around his shoulders and Sanji was suddenly close enough for their noses to brush together.

"Just do it," Sanji whispered, a blush beginning to come to life on the man�s cheeks. Zoro couldn�t look down to confirm it, but he was pretty sure that Sanji had an erection of his own digging into Zoro�s stomach.

"Are-�" Zoro started, uncertain if this was reality or not.

"Just do it!" Sanji snapped out, grabbing Zoro�s wrist roughly and yanking his hand down to what had been his flagging erection. Zoro caught the hint, stroking himself a few times to coat his dick and get himself nice and hard for Sanji. The cook just leaned forward to begin nip and sucking on Zoro�s collarbone, lips so soft and teeth grazing across the skin. He used the leftover to smear around Sanji�s rear, not hesitating to stick one finger inside. Sanji was impossibly tight, even if he had given his consent. Zoro was glad he hadn�t tried this without any lubrication- he was likely to tear skin off his own penis. Sanji grunted and his legs relaxed around Zoro; the blonde�s lip curled up in discomfort as he attempted to make it easier. Even if the cook was concentrating on it, there were some muscles that just wouldn�t relax on cue. It took several moments for just one finger to finally be able to slide in and out. Another was added and Sanji was having a hard time controlling his breathing, eyes clenched shut and teeth grinding together. Zoro bent down, finding one of the perky pink nipples and taking it in his mouth to help distract the man from it. That seemed to work well enough, because Sanji started moaning aloud in what could only be pleasure. Zoro choked at the tightening sensation that shot right through his groin, wondering how such a simple noise could arouse him so much. He couldn�t wait any longer, pulling out his fingers to replace them with something much larger. He placed the head of his erection against Sanji�s asshole, hands clutching and spreading the cook�s buttocks. Sanji had just enough time to gasp and throw his other hand on Zoro�s shoulder before he was lifted all the way up off the table. Sanji turned out to be even lighter than he had suspected, an easy weight against his chest and on his palms. It wasn�t even a workout to slowly lower the man onto his dick.

Zoro tried, really tried to take it slow for Sanji, but the cook still winced and made muffled, whimpering noises as he obviously tried not to cry aloud in pain. It was a struggle the whole way in, a tight ring of resistance that made Zoro see stars�and then nothing but yielding, heated organs inside. It was like driving up into a piece of heaven, Sanji gripping his shoulders for dear life. Fingernails were digging into his back; sure to leave marks, but Zoro hardly even felt it. Every sense he had was being directed to his groin, to every inch of how deep he went inside the man. Sanji groaned and twisted, but he had nothing supporting him beyond Zoro. His cheeks were starting to turn a deep red and a sweat was breaking out all over the man�s body, his good eye unfocused with pleasure. Zoro could feel the cook�s insides shifting around his throbbing cock, adjusting until it was a perfect fit. He so malleable and warm inside that Zoro could hardly believe the same man cursed enough to cover everyone else on the ship�s share. It was mind-blowing to simply stand there, but he lowered Sanji onto the table again so that the cook�s back was up against something solid.

Now that the blonde was thoroughly loosened up, Zoro could drive in at the speed he wanted. He spread Sanji�s legs, pulling out and thrusting back in a wavelike motion. The blonde cried out at that, putting one finger into his mouth and biting down on it while his other hand slipped in between them. Zoro began to move back and forth inside Sanji, the cook�s ass making a powerful suction that Zoro couldn�t get away from. He had to keep pumping his hips forward, balls slapping up against smooth skin while Sanji jerked himself off. A bowl fell off the table, followed by something else that made a breaking noise upon impact with the floor. Zoro paid it no mind, preferring to listen to Sanji pant and groan in time to his own thrusts. He threw one hand down on the table to brace himself while his other lifted up Sanji�s knee, finding the right angle to drive home in.

Sanji came first, physically forcing Zoro to come not soon after when his ass clenched around his dick. He had been planning to hold out for a little bit longer, but there was no choice when Sanji made a mangled, half-scream of pleasure at the end of it. Zoro lost all control of his body, all thought gone. He fell down heavily, buried his face into the curve of Sanji�s shoulder, and just breathed for a while.

He became aware of things in a strange order. He was tired as all hell, his knees starting to shake with exertion. His sweat had cooled, but it was still wet and sticky on his skin. It was rather warm in the kitchen area, beginning to smell like stew and sex. Sanji was still trapped beneath his wider body, making an excellent pillow for him. There was something rather gooey between their stomachs, the awkward mound of Sanji�s penis pressing below Zoro�s bellybutton. His cock was still inside the man, even though he had gone flaccid long ago. He really had just made love to Sanji, like he had wanted to for weeks�months. Zoro was happy, more satisfied then if he had just won a particularly troublesome duel. That wasn�t so far from the truth, not with how hard Zoro had to work at getting Sanji to go through with it at all. He backed away, relishing the feeling of sliding out from the blonde and standing back to survey his handiwork.

Sanji laid there in contented oblivion, legs dangling loosely over the table and his heart visibly beating in his chest. His eyes weren�t even open, and Zoro couldn�t tell if the cook was unconscious or not. Smirking in satisfaction, Zoro looked around to find his discarded shirt. Frowning at the waste but not seeing anything else in sight, Zoro used the clothing to wipe off the grease remaining on his hand and the cooling mess covering his groin. He dropped the shirt back to the wooden deck afterward, doing up the front of his pants before stretching out. His back popped, any tension or anxiety his body might have been holding completely gone. Sanji had definitely been everything Zoro had hoped for, that blonde head beginning to move as the man seemed to come back to himself.

"Shit, I need a cigarette," Sanji announced softly, the shirt being pulled up onto his shoulders as the blonde sat up with great effort. He leaned over, picking up one of the white sticks and put it in his mouth, slightly swollen from Zoro kissing too hard. Sanji was absolutely stunning with his usually smooth blonde hair ruffled, various pink marks coming in on the blonde�s flesh that would likely last a few days. Zoro lost a bit of his contentment when he noticed Sanji�s hands were shaking as the cook lifted the cigarette up to his mouth and lit it up. The blonde was avoiding his gaze so obviously that it was painful, his feet swinging loosely off the side of the table like a child that didn�t know where he belonged.

"So, do you want to talk about it?" Zoro finally had to breach the subject of Sanji�s minor panic. No one should have that sort of reaction to such a ridiculous suggestion. The thought of someone hurting Sanji in such a manner made Zoro want to go grab his swords and teach the bastard a lesson. He was sure that the cook could do it himself, but Zoro was suddenly very protective of the blonde. One tended to do so after screwing.

"No."

Quick, one syllable answer that somehow managed to say so much. Whatever had happened, it had hurt. Sanji had a hard enough time dealing with it himself, and wasn�t about to share it with anyone. Zoro wondered if the blonde had actually had a lover before, someone who had actually respected him. Sanji couldn�t even look him in the face, cigarette lazily burning at the corner of his mouth, forgotten. The blonde was turning something over in his head, and all Zoro could do was wait for it. He stayed silent, listening to the usual melody of the life at sea: the waves hitting the hull, the wood creaking as it was pushed around, seagulls squawking in their always-irritating manner outside� Sanji finally taking a large hit off his cigarette and blowing it out in small circles, one after another. Zoro watched as they slowly lost shape, spreading out and disappearing into the air. Sanji silently finished off the cigarette and put it out in the ashtray, wincing at whatever pains his body might have after Zoro had his way with him.

"Will you just� stay a while longer?" Sanji�s voice was unusually small, hands clasped over his groin in a bit of delayed modesty. Zoro knew it took a lot for someone as proud as Sanji to ask for such. He was just the same, not about to admit that he would actually need someone else�s help- or that he was scared to be alone. Sanji was obviously afraid that Zoro would just fuck him and leave, able to guess that someone had done the same before. Sanji was so utterly fragile right now, shoulders trembling even though there wasn�t the slightest hint of emotion on his face. Zoro stepped in, planting a quick kiss on top of Sanji�s head before wrapping his arms around the blonde. Sanji shuddered before he relaxed, leaning forward until his face rested against Zoro�s chest. There were no real tears, but there was also no doubt that he was crying.

---

Usopp and Nami both slid away from the portcullis in the gallery door, putting their backs up against the wall on either side of the doorway and staring forward in mute shock. Chopper was completely oblivious above their heads, and Luffy was still on top of the figurehead, though he had stopped singing. The fighting had drawn Usopp at first, along with a desire to ask Zoro just who the hell he thought he was to knock the great Captain Usopp unconscious- again!

But, every good captain checked out the situation first, nervously peeking through the window to make sure that the two of them weren�t killing each other, nothing more. There was no way he could stop their cook and swordsman from fighting if they had started going at it like usual. He hadn�t been expecting to see Zoro pinning the blonde down�and then proceeding to strip him naked. He mind froze, his knees started shaking, and his hands were pressed up against the wall in utter horror. They weren�t fighting, they were kissing.

He saw tongue.

Nami finally had to come look when Usopp choked and stammered in front of the door. She glanced through without asking Usopp anything, leaned back with her mouth open to ask a question before blinking and throwing herself up to portcullis as well. Now they both regretted watching in the first place, Nami�s usually calculating eyes gone wide and blank. Usopp couldn�t even speak, trying to mouth out something coherent and failing every time. Zoro had been kissing Sanji! Kissed him and had sex with him! He had seen a lot of crazy things on this ship, especially when two of the crewmembers had eaten a Devil�s Fruit� and the other two human were so ridiculously strong that they couldn�t really be considered human.

"Did they-�" Usopp couldn�t even say it, glancing over at Nami to see the same horror reflected back at him.

"I think so," Nami answered back, shaking her head in disbelief.

"What�s goin� on?" Luffy asked, unexpectedly close. They both yelped in surprise, neither of them noticing when the future Pirate King had approached. Usopp and Nami immediately turned around to one another, shushing the other in case the newly formed couple inside found out they were being spied on. Luffy tilted his head to the side, a questioning look on his face at their behavior. Nami wisely grabbed the straw-hat dork by the elbow and pulled him away from the quarterdeck. The three of them went down the stairs and onto the main deck before conversation was resumed.

"Luffy, Zoro and Sanji just did it!" Nami hissed out, shaking Luffy�s arm for measure. He made a confused noise, glancing back and forth between Usopp and Nami several times before crossing his arms and frowning.

"Did what?"

Luffy was nothing if not simple. Nami cried out in wordless frustration, her patience for explaining things long since run out. Usopp couldn�t blame her with a crew like this, Luffy the worst of all. Nami turned her back to them, muttering under her breath dark, horrible things that Usopp was glad he didn�t hear most of. He decided he should try to explain it himself, knowing that their captain should know before any trouble was started. If Zoro and Sanji got truly pissed off at each other, Luffy was probably the only man alive who could stop them.

"You know, they-�" Usopp started off before being interrupted by the completely blank and uncomprehending expression on Luffy�s face. Blank, black eyes blinking as he waited for Usopp�s clarification, slowly realizing that he would probably have to use explicit language. Of course their captain didn�t know, practically needing a diagram drawn out for him before Usopp would be able to get the point across.

"They had sex, you idiot!" Nami finally screeched out, stomping a bare foot on the deck in irritation. Luffy let out a loud note of understanding, nodding his head at last as if he really understood what was going on. Usopp wasn�t so sure while Nami just crossed her arms under her breasts; nicely sized mounds of flesh unconsciously pushed up. Usopp quickly tore his gaze away, not about to think about things that would never happen. Besides, Kaya was more of a lady than Nami could ever dream of being, a hopeless thief to the very end. Kaya was sweet and gentle, while Nami had given him bruises the size of her fist and lied worse than him when it came down to it. Usopp was just trying to make everyone laugh during the otherwise dull days at sea. Today was a different case, especially after Zoro and Sanji had just decided to make love instead of fight. It didn�t make any sense.

"Really? Damn it, I wanted to do it with Zoro," Luffy said in the same exact way he might talk about getting chicken instead of his favorite pork for dinner, a hand slapping down on top of his straw hat as he frowned at the two of them. Usopp�s jaw dropped so hard that it hurt, wondering how Luffy could be so carefree about it. In fact, he was freely admitting he was gay too. Usopp hadn�t even expected Luffy to realize what it would mean to have sex, and here he was frowning over the lost opportunity to make-out with the former Pirate Hunter. That was it. They were all crazy. That was the only answer.

"Why am I on this ship?" Nami asked herself, pressing her fingers into her temples as if to fight off the impending headache. Usopp wanted to join her.
AUTHOR�S NOTES:

I went to a pirate movie last night and I would have invited you, but it was rated �ARRRRRR.�

...And there�s still MORE bad pirate jokes to tell.

I call my ukes like I see them, and boy does Sanji fit the picture. Smoking badass blondes with attitude...I�m sensing a theme in anime. It was so hard to avoid writing �Sanzo� instead of �Sanji.� This is mostly fun loving, perverted humor, but for some reason it�s physically impossible for me to write fluff. I rewatched the first few episodes of One Piece and realized...Zoro kicks more ass than Bruce Lee and Jet Li's love child. Come on, he's Mugen (...don't tell me you haven't watched Samurai Champloo yet?)!

CREDITS

Cutelikabu for beta-ing and inspiring gift art

Iie Nome for musing and beta-ing.
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