Return To Me

Thanks to my darling friend nekojita and isabeau gower for the beta. Any remaining errors are mine alone but feel free to point them out if you see any. Hope you enjoy.

Aya closed his eyes when the kiss began and tried to blank his mind to all but what his body was feeling. At first, it seemed to be working as his breathing hitched and heart sped up the tiniest bit. But then his mind intruded to let Aya know that it was the wrong taste, that those lips weren’t right. The body against his should be taller and lankier, the hold he was in, more possessive. With a sigh of regret, Aya pulled back and offered a silent apology to the man whose eyes weren’t green and whose hair was too light a blond.

“I understand, Aya,” Chloé said in his unruffled manner. “You still have unresolved issues.” Chloé gave Aya a hard look and continued, “I think its time to face them though, don’t you?”

Aya began to shake his head and utter his normal denials when Chloé placed a finger over his lips. “I’ve heard you say numerous times that you and Yohji never had any commitment to each other, that it was over long before the last mission together, but in your heart, you’d made that commitment. Tell me the truth. Didn’t you suffer when Yohji and you decided to end it and he returned to seeking out all those other women?”

Not able to meet those probing eyes, Aya turned away and walked over to the French doors of the living room. Aya looked out over the night but wasn’t really seeing anything. He remembered back to each time he watched Yohji leave to sleep with Tsujii on that last mission. And the times before Ken and Yohji had left for Europe when Yohji went out for the evening. How miserable he’d felt seeing his ex-lover go out dressed to kill. It was the haunted look in Yohji’s eyes that held Aya back from asking Yohji not to do it. He had been at a loss to help Yohji through the darkness that had consumed his one-time lover. Asuka’s ghost seemed to have taken a firm hold onto Yohji two years *after* the death of Neu.

Aya had really been surprised when Yohji had started having severe nightmares shortly after they’d gotten a reprieve from that awful van. Living in those close quarters was enough to make anyone go crazy and maybe that’s what finally happened. Ken and Yohji certainly changed. Not that they all didn’t have their nightmares from time to time, but for Yohji, these particular ones were so bad that he was afraid to sleep. And that led to him doing anything to stay awake; including drugs.

Aya had found out that Yohji was shooting up and, while in his drugged state, started fucking around. Since they’d never made any promises to each other, Aya calmly told Yohji that it was time to end their fuckbuddy relationship as Aya didn’t like to share. He’d turned on his heel and left the room, never giving Yohji a chance to say a word; when Aya returned home that night, everything of Yohji’s had been removed from the room they’d shared.

Aya had never admitted, even to himself, how he’d hoped Yohji would offer to not sleep around and maybe even commit to them having an acknowledged relationship. He also admitted that he’d let the man down terribly by not trying harder to help Yohji help himself. Aya had basically cut the man loose when he’d needed him the most. Aya still felt particularly guilty about that. But at the time, he wasn’t in much better shape than Yohji. And when he finally was more in control and level headed, he let Yohji’s cocky attitude piss him off so he never pushed it. Aya shook his head and returned his thoughts to the present and realized Chloé was still waiting patiently for his answer.

“Yes,” Aya admitted in a small voice as he turned around to face Chloé, surprised to see him right behind where Aya was standing. “But as you said, there had never been any promises so I had no right to those feelings.”

“Idiot. You can’t just turn off your heart because you say it is so.” Chloé shook his head and stroked a hand down Aya’s cheek. At that moment Aya wished he could control his feelings and love the man before him. Chloé was a good friend, was handsome and sexy, and he made Aya laugh and forget the reasons why his life was such a mess for periods of time.

Maybe the man was right and he could open his heart again if he had closure on his relationship with Yohji. Aya always felt that their last parting was incomplete; his promise to Yohji broken as much as Yohji’s to him. Not that either of them could have predicted Yohji’s amnesia or the fact that Aya didn’t save him. That’s what weighed heaviest on his heart all this time. There’d been something in Yohji’s eyes that night… it had reminded Aya of the fire between them before everything went to hell, showing Aya that it’d never disappeared but had been mostly smothered through their time apart.

“I never told Yohji that I loved him.” Aya felt he could say almost anything to Chloé, but was still surprised to be speaking his deepest secret. One that Aya had never before even admitted to himself - that he had loved Yohji… and still did. Even though the man didn’t remember him and probably never felt the same about Aya.

“Then maybe you need to go find Yohji and see if he feels the same. Even if he doesn’t love you, you may finally be able to move on if you tell Yohji what you feel for him.” Chloé continued to hold Aya’s gaze.

“He’s not Yohji anymore. He’s married and doesn’t even remember me,” Aya said bitterly. Again he surprised himself to realize that he was upset with Yohji over the man’s amnesia. Even though it wasn’t Yohji’s fault, Aya was angry and since there was no one else he could blame, he’d turned the feelings onto Yohji.

“Yes he is. He may not recall who you are, but I have a feeling that the heart remembers what the mind does not. Go find him. Tell him what is in *your* heart and even if he looks at you oddly and asks you to leave, at least you won’t have anymore unfinished business with him and you may be able to move on.”

Aya shivered as he thought about the possibility of letting Yohji go. He’d held the man in his heart for six long years and wasn’t sure he wanted to let him go. But on the other hand, Aya didn’t want to be alone the rest of his life either. As easy as it was for Yohji to plunge into other physical relationships, Aya had not been with anyone else, either before or after Yohji. Now that he had the possibility of moving on with someone else, Aya couldn’t.

“Maybe you’re right. I need to talk to Mihiroghi and find out when I can take some time off.” Aya rubbed his arms, the chill still not leaving him. The thought of going back to Japan was a bit unsettling. “I’ll need to contact Mamoru Takatori to let him know that I’m returning - but not for good.”

Aya saw something flash through Chloé’s eyes when Aya made his decision but it was gone to quickly to discern what it was. “I think that’s a wise decision, Aya. But for now, it’s probably best if you go upstairs to your room and get some sleep. Tomorrow is soon enough to begin making arrangements.”

Not sure if it was a wise or not, Aya was now committed to this endeavor. He wasn’t sure how things would turn out, but it felt as if he was coming out of limbo and finally beginning to live again.

*******

Ryo thrust into the pale body beneath him with a deep groan of satisfaction. Leaning down to capture the lips that whispered a name so familiar but still not, he never faltered in his movements. Only when it became imperative to breath did he pull back to savor the lovely eyes locked onto his. A name slipped from Ryo’s lips as his movements increased. Harder and faster, his breathing was labored; he was just about to tumble over the edge when…

Ryo was jolted awake by the alarm on his clock. He opened his eyes and looked around in confusion. It took a moment to realize that he was alone in a one bedroom flat and not locked in a passionate embrace, fucking the phantom lover that always haunted his dreams. But it wasn’t only Ryo’s dreams in which the vision appeared, since his waking thoughts had begun to focus almost completely on the mysterious ‘Aya’.

The only reason he knew the name was that his soon to be ex-wife had flung it in his face enough times. Apparently he’d called the name out in his sleep most nights since they’d been married and it had come to a head a few months ago. She’d basically told him she wanted him to leave and that she was filing for divorce.

Far from upset by this turn of events, Ryo had embraced his new found freedom by quitting his job and then began to investigate who he’d been. He didn’t really have to worry about money for a while. When Ryo was in the hospital, he’d found a very large sum of cash in the bedside table. It had been enough to cover his hospital bills and purchase a moderate condo for him and Asuka while the rest went into the bank. With the divorce, she decided to buy him out of half of the condo and he’d agreed. For some reason he was seriously contemplating opening his own business investigating things. First he’d see how he did finding out more about himself.

Ryo only had one possible clue to go on. A safe deposit box key had been in his possession along with the katana he no longer had in his care. He cursed himself for not finding out more from the brunette who’d come to claim the thing as his returning memories showed him that it belonged to Aya and not the man named Ken.

While Ryo hadn’t really come across anything yet, he had contacted half of the banks in Tokyo to see about safe deposit boxes. He’d started searching, one ward at a time, and was still only through half of them. First he’d call to see if the bank offered boxes, then he go in with the key to see if it belonged to that bank. It was a long and arduous task, but since he had nothing better to do these days, he really didn’t mind. When he wasn’t doing that, he was surfing the web for news articles to see if he could get any clues. The funny thing was, some of the odd stories about criminal’s mysterious deaths years ago always struck a cord within him.

Getting up to start a pot of coffee, Ryo then headed for the shower. Fifteen minutes later he was driving toward the first bank on his list. Thankful that the bank had parking, he walked in and headed straight to the safe box counter.

“Good Morning, may I help you?” The clerk asked in a pleasant tone.

And with that Ryo's day of hunting began once more. He was starting to get discouraged that he’d never find the damn box, but kept checking on the slim hope that he’d finally get lucky. After lunch he found parking near a number of banks on his list, right across the street from a flower shop. Ryo got out of the car slowly and looked around as if he somehow recognized the area. He stared hard at the shop but then shook his head and reminded himself what he was there for.

Ryo walked into yet another bank and walked to the safe deposit box area. He waited until the clerk was finished with her current customer and turned to him.

Holding out the key to the young woman, Ryo said, “I need to get into my safety deposit box.” He held his breath, waiting for her to tell him that wasn’t their key and have the disappointment wash through him yet again today, but all she said was, “Of course, sir.”

He couldn’t believe it. Finally he’d found the box. Now to hope there was some clue as to who he’d been. The name Ryo didn’t sit well with him at all.

The young woman slid a form to him and asked, “Could you please sign here? Then I’ll take you back to the box.”

Ryo quickly signed his name and held his breath to see if she compared signatures but seem satisfied as she filed the paper away. “Right this way, sir.” He was led to a long line of boxes and asked to put his key into one lock while she placed hers in the other. They both turned them and she opened the door and pulled out a long slim box before leading them to a private room. She set the box on the table then left, closing the door behind her.

With his heart pounding, Ryo slowly opened the lid, almost afraid there would be nothing in there. When he finally glanced inside, he found that it contained several items. Most noticeable was a large amount of cash. He pulled out several documents, one which was a passport. Ryo opened the cover to find a picture of himself… but not quite. It was similar to how he’d looked when he first woke from the coma. Short, bleached blond hair and sporting a smirk that was almost cruel. What struck him most was the empty look in his eyes when this picture was taken. Glancing down further, he found what he was looking for.

“Kudoh Yohji.” Yohji. Now that felt right. “I’m Yohji.”

Suddenly, he had a pounding headache and needed to sit for a moment as memories ripped though his mind too fast to make sense of. When the spell passed he got back up and walked to the door.

“Miss?” He called out to the clerk. “Do you have a bag? I forgot to bring something with me and have a few things I need to take along today.”

She nodded. “Yes, one moment.” A few moments later she handed Yohji a heavy plastic bag. “I hope this will help.”

Yohji thanked her and closed the door again before he emptied out the contents of the box, except for the cash, and put the items in the bag. He would look at the stash back at his apartment but couldn’t help count the cash before leaving. It was twice as much than had been left in his hospital room, more than enough to get his business started.

Stopping by the desk again, he said to the clerk, “I’m finished for today.”

“Very good, sir.” They both went to return the box and lock the door.

“Thank you for your help,” Yohji said with a smile then left the bank. He hurried to his car so he could get home and go through everything and see if there were more clues to his prior life. At least he had a name now. Not that he hadn’t had a name before, but it had never felt like it was his and he’d always had trouble answering to it. Yohji hoped something in there would lead him to his past.

And, more importantly, help with trying to find his mysterious lover who he couldn’t forget. Yohji knew that he loved this Aya as sure as he drew breath. Most of the memories were still locked inside of him but he was desperate to find Aya.

What he couldn’t figure out though, is why Aya never came looking for him. Had they broken up before Yohji lost his memories? The redhead must know where he was since that man Ken had come for his sword. That was another thing. Why hadn’t Aya come for it himself? His memories showed Aya wielding the katana but again, they weren’t very clear as to why he was using a sword. Yohji never got a clear view of what was happening at those times.

Yohji had more questions than answers but hopefully some of what he was seeking would come to light after he looked through the contents in the bag beside him.


*******

A young woman working at police headquarters in the research department was shocked when she read her latest email. The flag she’s set on an account over a year ago had paid off, at last. Yohji had accessed one of his accounts after all this time.

Her mind racing, she began to make plans. Finally, it was within her grasp and she would get back what had been stolen from her.

*******

An insistent ringing woke Yohji from his pleasant dream. He cursed as he sat up to answer, frustrated to be woken at such a climactic part of his dream. When he saw who the caller was, his raging hard-on immediately wilted and he shouted into the phone, “What?!”

“Ryo, I got a late start since I worked a double yesterday and didn’t hear my alarm go off. I’m going to be late for work and really need to be on time. Can you lend me your car today?” Asuka’s voice pleaded over the phone, completely ignoring his rudeness.

Rubbing his free hand over his face, he sighed. “Sure. I’m not dressed, but I’ll meet you down by the car in a few minutes. It’s parked in front of my building.”

His apartment was just around the corner from Asuka’s and it wasn’t as if they were enemies. They’d just gotten married when it would have been better off them just being friends.

“Thanks, Ryo. I’ll return it tonight.”

“No, problem. I didn’t really have anywhere important I needed to go today.” And if Yohji wanted to go back to that flower shop he stumbled across the other day, the one that looked so familiar, he could take the subway. He mostly used that mode of transportation as it was hard to find parking many times and gas prices, not to mention parking fees, were ridiculous. Yohji had kept the car as a convenience but since he wasn’t working, could go a week or more without using it.

“Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” She disconnected the call and Yohji got up to throw some clothes on. Figuring he had enough time, he quickly brushed his teeth as well as combed his hair. He could never leave the apartment not looking his best.

Yohji thought a little bit about the flower shop with the absurd name of ‘Kitten in the House’ and how he seemed to have memories of it. When he went back to the bank a second time, to place a few of the documents in for safe keeping after exploring them minutely, he’d actually stopped at the shop and felt that he was on the brink of... something.

The documents had mostly been a dead end so he returned a few bank books, containing some decent amounts of money, the passport, a title to a car that he couldn’t locate on the web via the VIN number and even more disturbing, a death certificate with his name on it. Yohji had retained the duplicate driver’s license, but returned the credit cards that still were active. He didn’t have a need for them at the moment.

Finished making himself presentable, he put his shoes on. Just as he was about to leave, something made him grab the watch that he’d found in the safe deposit box and put it on. As he closed his apartment door, his phone began to ring. Yohji quickly answered it by saying, “I’m on my way down,” then hung up. Deciding the stairs would be faster; he headed toward the staircase and soon found himself outside, walking toward Asuka - who was standing next to his car tapping her foot impatiently.

“Ryo, hurry up. I have to be in surgery soon, otherwise I would have called off today.”

“Well, hello, nice to see you, too,” Yohji said with a hefty bit of sarcasm.

Asuka had the grace to blush as she said, “I’m sorry. It’s been one of those mornings. I really appreciate you loaning me the car.”

“That’s okay.” Yohji smiled as he handed her the key as he pocketed his key ring. “Here. If I’m not home when you return, just leave the key under my door.”

“Okay. Sorry to rush off, but I’m really late.” She kissed his cheek before turning to get into the car.

“Drive safely.” Yohji waved and started walking back to his apartment when, all of a sudden, he heard a horrendous noise at the same moment heat filled his back and something sent him flying through the air. Pain exploded in his head then there was nothing but blackness.

*******