This Is How It Ends

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Hope you enjoy beshies!


Song: You Fight Me
Breaking Benjamin


||Yadda Yadda Yaaa|| = Lyrics
"Yadda Yadda Yaaa" = Talking


Suichi’s POV
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||You fight me, flat on my lonely face I fell.||

I sat there, alone in my room.

Yeah, my room.

Since you’ve… told me it was over, I’ve been trying to manage on my own. I got my own little place, a few blocks away from your apartment… yeah, yours, it was never ours to begin with, right Eiri? Even our relationship was a blind one-sided road block in your life. Your life, it was never ours.

Pathetic I know, sitting here on my bed, hugging onto a pillow you once owned… one of the few things you threw out along with my belongings that day. Heh. Even after six months, I still can’t get you out of my head Eiri. I’m more in love with you than I’ve ever been before.

||Finding in the end I live well.||

But then again… I was always in love with you.

But that wasn’t what you wanted, you could have cared less of how much I would’ve sacrificed just to see you smile at me or give me word of praise or appreciation. Even a look of affection could light my world for days and keep a smile on my face for weeks.

But you never did.

||In light of the life that I have found
It's coming down. ||

You’re always in my thoughts Eiri… and I sometimes find myself wondering… if I was ever in yours, even for a moment, bad or good. Of course not… I’m only fooling myself with this false hope I’ve desperately clung to for so long. So long Eiri… you made it very clear to me that day.

||I don't know what isn't real||

Even while I sleep… you’re always in my dreams. But this dream Eiri is so different from you, he’s gentle, he’s caring… but in the end… it was all the same ending to my life. I don’t understand.

Why?

Why can’t I get you out of my head, my thoughts?! Even for a split second! Why did I love you as much as I do? Why the hell does it hurt so damn much?! Why does it hurt so much… that even every time I breath… I can feel the shards of my heart stab me from within.

Why can’t I just let go Eiri… like you did to me? You let me go Eiri… threw me to the trash… and that’s where I belong.

The last time I contacted anyone… was 5 months ago. During that month when I was still intact with reality… Hiro’s been worrying a lot, not that he wasn’t worried since you officially broke our relationship off… you broke us off. Hiro keeps pestering me, to eat more, to smile more, to go outside once in a while. K tried to dragged me… more like threaten me to go outside on afternoon with the group… I saw you… walking hand in hand with Her.

I smiled, pretended that everything was okay, that I didn’t see you, but… still I cried… it’s just not there anymore… my spark. Yeah. You broke my heart Eiri and with that…

You broke me.

||But it's easy
To beat me. ||

Pretty easy wasn’t it Eiri?

Me, the energetic, hyper frenzy, lovable ball of nonsense who could never be brought down… was broken by 3 minutes in front of you and your harsh, agonizing words.

I learned my place quickly Eiri. Aren’t you glad? Proud? I’m here… the lowest of the low… in the gutter where I belong.

That’s when I moved out of Hiro’s and to an apartment, told everyone I was visiting my family. They… my friends knew nothing about it, the apartment. They had thought I needed some space and left me alone… I wonder if they even bothered to call Mom… see if I really did what I said I panned… I wonder… did they even care?

||Life is sink or swim.
Love is blinding, no surviving. ||

I realized something Eiri…

||I don't know what I want to be yet.
But I can show that I need to see this. ||

Something that i can't hold in, something i figured out weeks after you told me it was over to get out of your life.

||No time for lies and empty fights.
I'm on your side.||

I can’t seem to live on without you Eiri.

|| Can we live a life of peace and happiness?
I don't think so.||

You were the very air I breathed… and now I’m suffocating without you, and the pain Eiri… it’s just too real.

I love you so much Eiri… and I realize now, I would rather live with you hating me and have become your shadow like i was many times, than without you in my life at all.

I realized now… now that I’m nothing but an outer shell of my broken dreams… that I need you so much.

||No denying I am scared to lose the things I love.
I'm in control.||

But it’s too late.

You hate me.

I love you.

And I can’t live with out you.

|| This is how, this is how it's going to end.||

I planned it all out Eiri…to set myself free from those thoughts of you.

To get you out of my head so i can sleep.

But this time Eiri… i don't and i won't wake up.

I bet you heard, I quit Bad Luck, 2 months ago. But I begged Hiro to stay in the band, to continue what was once our dream, my dream. And you know what… he did… he kept his promise and now Bad Luck is tied for first… with NG of course… but when I was singing… we were always one behind… I was the one behind. I was keeping everyone back.

|| This is how, this is how it's going to end.||

I hope you love her Eiri, the one I saw you with at the park… you … you never once took me to the park… yet alone hold my hand.

|| End||

I’m still sitting here on the bed, grasping tighter to that pillow you discarded. My eyes hollow, dark and lifeless, to think, I was so much full of life once…

But I’m tired, Eiri.

I’m tired of weeping, of thinking of you, of crying my eyes out… so I gave up on wasting tears for something that was never going to come back to me. But then again… I never had it in the first place, right Eiri?

I never had your love…

Something I wanted so desperately… but you never even once let me feel it.

|| Everyone is waiting here for everyone.||

The only time you ever pretended to care… was after and during sex.

Sex.

That’s all it was, was sex, never did you make love to me. And that Eiri, that kills me.

|| Leave me alone.||

I think this all started… when I broke a mug… and it erupted into something more.

You hit me… I had a bruises for weeks.

Then you tore me down to nothing. You stated you hated me and you had hit me again. I couldn’t tell if you were drunk, I was having too much fun avoiding your fists and spiteful words.

|| This is how, this is how it's going to end.||

“I don’t want to see your face again, get the hell out now, and if you ever come back this time, I’ll fucking kill you.”

I think you were drunk… I could smell the intoxication from the corner I was cowering in. But maybe… that’s what I thought… just a small hope that you weren’t yourself Eiri.

You said it so calmly, but I, I was too afraid to move under your hateful glare, so you neared me and took hold of my arm. I flinched. You growled. Half dragged me to the door, and when you raised your hand to take the door knob, I whimpered, I shook, I cried, I was scared…

I was terrified Eiri… but you know what…

I still love you so much.

|| This is how, this is how it's going to end.||

I’m still temped to go back to see if you would hold yourself true to your words. You would do me a favor Eiri… you see… the day you said those words… I wanted to die.

|| This is how, this is how it's going to end.||

I pulled out that small pocket knife that was hidden beneath you pillow and I looked at it.

I made my decision Eiri.

I couldn’t live with you, and I couldn’t live without you. You plague my thoughts, my sleep. I found no joy in eating, singing or being with my friends.

As far as I’m concerned… I’m already dead. So let me finish the job?

|| This is how, this is how it's going to end.
No…||

“Hello, Eiri Yuki speaking.”

I almost cried this was the first time I heard your voice in months… god how I missed it.

I had you on speaker. I needed both my hands to commit my act and holding a phone would have been too much trouble while trying to attempt my final act of stupidity. You always called me an idiot, I guess I truly am.

“Hello?”

I must’ve made some sort of noise, I suppose it was a choked sob and a whisper of you name, because I heard your breath hitch and heard you mumble my name.

“Shu? God Shu, everyone’s been looking for you. They thought you were kidnapped, or had gotten killed and buried in a ditch somewhere. Where are you Shu and I’m calling Hiro on the cell right now.”

I mumbled something under my breath, i couldn't think, all my thoughts were on you Eiri… now i lifted that blade to my neck, I never released just how tired I was… until the weight of the pocket knife seemed to double the higher I raised it.

“What did you say Shu? Shu…?”

|| This is how, this is how it's going to end.||

I didn’t reply, I just listened to you voice and pictured your face in my mind… I love you Eiri… and to realize that you’re not screaming at me through the phone… it made me happy.

“I love… you Eiri… I just wanted… you… to k-know that.” God I’m crying again. “I-I… know you hate me… b-but I… I always thought… t-that if I had to die first… I… wanted to die in your arms… but…”

I smiled to myself, this was it, this is how… this is how its going to end.

“Being a-able… to hear you voice… b-before… I die is equally as great.” I said trying to hold back my sobs, I heard you gasp, I heard you scream my name, but you see, I push the blade deep enough to ensure that I wouldn’t be waking up or replying.

How long,

How long did i lay there and how long did you scream my name only to be replied with a gargled attempt to say your name.

That coppery taste filled my mouth, as my vision faded in and out… funny thing was… it didn’t hurt… and the darkness… it was almost like those rare embraces you used to give me when I was sick or had hurt myself. I felt the blood soak through the sheets.

And I saw it, that pillow.

I reached for it, god I was so tired and all I wanted to do was fall into the darkness, but the pillow… I pulled at the pillow, tried to snake my hand inside it until a small picture rested in my grasp. I smiled, or tried to. It was a picture… of us.

I tried to take in a sob, but, i couldn't breath, i tried, tried to focus on your voice... but it was hard Eiri, it was too hard, and the darkness that seemed to consume me was so welcoming.

I just want you to know,

I love you Eiri…

"…Lo…you…"

|| This is how, this is how it's going to end.||


END

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Em… First Fanfic on here, so… be nice? O3o

I dunno I was thinking I should continue on Eiri’s POV or something… but I dunno. Should I add another Chapter of should I leave it as thus?! Only by reviewing me shall I know!

Review and rate Pwease.

Oh and sorry about all the errors... but you see, its 1:25am here on a monday night... so... i'm just a bit tired you know.