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The Hazards of Dating	By : katami Category: Weiß Kreuz > General Views: 1803 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Weiß Kreuz, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Author’s Notes: Somehow the one-shot grew a plot. *Hangs head in shame* Damn plot bunnies. This one is for the Chibi, who found her muse again. Also, no sex this time but sex will be coming, I promise.

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Schuldig sauntered into Nagi’s room, looking far too smug and pleased with himself. Nagi knew that look, it was his ‘I just got fucked and loved it’ look. Most times Nagi hated that look because it meant Schuldig would be crowing his conquest for the rest of the day. Although how the German crowed when he was the one to get fucked was still a mystery; but Schuldig managed it somehow. And Nagi really didn’t need to know that much about Brad Crawford’s sex life. He liked Crawford but the idea of him having sex was like his parents having sex - logically, he knew it happened, but that didn’t mean he ever want to know about it. And the less said about Schuldig’s sex life the better!

“Good news, brat. The fearless leader has given the kitten his stamp of approval with some minor convincing from yours truly,” laughed the German, ruffling Nagi’s hair as he passed. Nagi considered tripping him, but Schuldig had gotten Crawford to let him go out so he figured he owned the telepath for his help. After that whole Tot debacle Crawford had been making grumblings about not letting him out until he was thirty. And Schuldig hadn’t been much better, suggesting heavy medication and years of therapy.

He didn’t see how they had any right to throw stones though. Crawford was sleeping with Schuldig and there was no way the German could be considered sane. And Schuldig…well, he was Schuldig, that alone should have been enough to throw his judgment into question.

Schuldig frowned at him, apparently he had thought that a little to loud. Be nice to me or I’ll remind Brad that chaperones are traditional for dates, warned Schuldig as he sprawled across Nagi’s bed. The telekinetic glared but Schu received glares regularly from both Crawford and Abyssinian, one annoyed fifteen year old was not about to faze him.

“You wouldn’t do that,” replied Nagi, confident on that point at least. “If you told him that, Crawford would probably make you go since you’re the one that got him to agree.”

Schuldig frowned, considering things before nodding, “You’re probably right. Fucking bastard.”

“I heard that,” rumbled Crawford as he came to lean in the doorway. He was freshly showered and dressed in crisp slacks with a towel around his shoulders - Nagi decided he definitely didn’t want to know what Schuldig had done to get him to agree. And they thought Tot was bad for him? Where did coming home to find your guardian and Schuldig on the kitchen table rate? He shuddered faintly at the memory, there were some things he just didn’t need to see. Ever. In fact, there were some things that were just wrong - like world ending wrong. And Brad Crawford fucking Schuldig on the kitchen table was one of those things. Whatever Schuldig had done to get Brad to agree was sure to be another of those things.

Schuldig grinned, “That was fun. Even if you and Farf did make us replace the table afterwards.”

Nagi blushed and wondered if he could will someone to have a stroke. If he had to hear about Brad and Schu having sex he really was going to need therapy.

Crawford frowned for a second, clearly trying to track the conversation, not always an easy thing to do with Schuldig, but he seemed to pick up the trail because he smirked. It was the smirk he reserved for Schuldig, about equal parts arrogance and sexual heat. “I thought we agreed not to mention that,” murmured Crawford in mild rebuke.

“Hey, don’t look at me, the kid was the one thinking about it. And you have to admit it was fun, Brad,” purred Schuldig, his tone positively obscene in Nagi’s opinion. “Although, I still think that time in the car is my favorite,” murmured Schuldig as if he was talking about nothing more embarrassing than the contents of the morning paper.

Nagi gave up wondering if he could will others to have a stroke and instead wondered if he could will himself to have a stroke. Anything to stop hearing this.

“Really? I would have thought…” began Brad, a brow arched as he studied his lover.

“Do you two have to talk about this in here? And honestly, can’t you just fuck each other in a bed like normal people?” yelled Nagi surging to his feet and glaring at the two older assassins. He didn’t need to hear about their sex lives; the brief visual from that time in the kitchen was more than traumatic enough. Someday he wanted to be able to have a sex life of his own, which wasn’t going to happen if he had to hear any more about theirs.

“Do you want to go out or not?” growled Crawford, his glasses flashing dangerously. Nagi shrank back into his chair and nodded meekly.

“Good,” muttered Brad, taking a moment to adjust his glasses. That was a common gesture for him when he was trying to collect himself, realized Nagi. Maybe he wasn’t the only one disturbed by this conversation? It was hard to tell what disturbed Brad and nothing disturbed Schuldig; the telepath didn‘t know the meaning of the word discretion and he had absolutely no shame.

“Schuldig’s convinced me that you can be trusted to date. That being said, there are a few ground rules and if I find you’ve broken one or I think you have, you won’t be going out again until you reach forty. Do we understand each other?” Cold brown eyes pinned him to his chair and Nagi nodded.

“Aw, lay off the kid, Brad. He’s fifteen for Christ’s sake. By the time I was his age,” interrupted Schuldig.

“First and foremost, Schuldig is not to be used as a dating model. If you even think he might do it, you won‘t,” snapped Brad. A pillow sailed at his head but the pre-cog caught it and his head whipped toward his lover so he could glare at Schuldig. “I don’t give a damn what you were doing at his age! We’re talking about Nagi and he isn’t going to do the sort of things you did,” snarled Brad.

Nagi glanced between the two men wondering if they were going to get into one of their famous rows right in the middle of his bedroom. It had been awhile since their last blow up and they had never had what could be called a stable relationship. Their affair seemed to have only two settings, fighting or fucking.

Of course, when Brad and Schuldig fought it was the rest of the world that suffered. Brad would snap and snarl and be an anal jerk until he and Schuldig had made up and Schu would drink and flirt and do everything he could to torture Brad and the rest of the world until they made up. And these were supposed to be his role models! They wouldn’t know healthy if it bit them on the ass.

“You weren’t objecting to the things I could do an hour ago when I was trying to suck your brains out through your cock,” growled Schuldig, his voice low and dangerous as his eyes flashed angrily, something else lurking in their depths, something Nagi really didn‘t want to think about. Nagi could feel their eyes lock and knew they were arguing mentally as a tense silence filled the room. He was never going to get to date. At this rate he was going to be lucky if they didn’t have sex on his bed.

Finally, Schuldig tilted his head like a wolf baring his throat and Brad ducked his head a little, like he was slightly ashamed of what he’d said to the other man. Schu smirked faintly and rose gracefully from the bed, his movements fluid and sensual. The telepath draped himself against his lover and one of Brad’s arms wound around him to hold him close.

Nagi watched the exchanged slightly puzzled as he always was by the interplay between his teammates. For all their bickering and flashes of temper both Crawford and Schuldig seemed content with each other. They had been together for almost five years and been monogamous for nearly three (their version of monogamous, which was not exactly Webster‘s and could be suspended when they were really fighting apparently). He didn’t get it. They drove each other nuts and had nothing in common but they refused to consider anyone else.

Laughter tickled his brain, Give it a few years, kid, came Schuldig’s voice in a happy purr. There’s something to be said for our ‘fight or fuck’ way of doing things.

Brad sighed and ran a hand over Schuldig’s hair in a surprisingly tender gesture. “I want you home by eleven and take your phone. Take your .22 as well.”

“It’s a date, Brad. Unclench a little and let the kid have some fun,” ordered Schuldig as he kissed a path up his lover’s neck. Crawford growled and pushed Schuldig away, but it wasn’t a hard push, more like the pre-cog was trying to put the German aside until he got through the task he had set for himself.

“I expect you to tell us where you’re going and to call if you get hung up. I want to be notified in advance if Tsukiyono is going to come here, and I don’t want him here without supervision - neither Schuldig nor Farf count as supervision.” Schuldig grinned wickedly at that. “And if your grades slip then this whole thing is off.”

“There, you’ve laid down the law, can you let it go now?” demanded Schuldig with exasperation. “Honestly Brad, could you take the stick out just once? It’s just a date and it’s not like he couldn’t kill the kitten fifty times over in under minute,” muttered Schuldig once more plastering himself to Crawford’s side. “Come on, I want a beer and that damned news program you want to watch is on. The kid will be fine and if he isn‘t we can have a fun-filled time watching Farf play Skin the Kitty.”

Lube and condoms are in your bottom drawer, kid. Enjoy with my compliments, Schulidg told him as he and Brad turned to leave, arguing good naturedly. Nagi felt his eyes go wide, there was no way Tot had been worse for him than living with those two.
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The Hazards of Dating