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Aftermath	By : FatuousOne Category: +. to F > Fate/stay Night Views: 21435 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Fate/stay Night, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Aftermath
- 1
Aftermath

Begin

---

Endings had become bitter, a bitterness that gave way to a routine sort of hopelessness.

He did not quite realize at what point he began to dislike the endings to things—stories, adventures, lives—but it was still there. The thought of some event taking place had become tainted merely by the fact that the ending was always, at best, bittersweet. Even if there was a happy ending for some trope of people, he could foresee a terrible fate on the horizon.

"But that's just how I see it," he sighed. Finished watching the daybreak atop the household roof, he jumped down and hit the grass lightly. Sedately going inside, he already had the day's menu in mind.

He was a cynical one, certainly. Even if he foresaw an unpleasant end, it did not mean it always happened. Yet, it was hard to be optimistic after so much. He had slaughtered countless people himself, guilty or otherwise, just for some impossible ideal.

And he would continue to, again and again; people would continue to die by his hands.

"The fate of a Counter Guardian," Emiya Shirou whispered harshly as he stirred the soup.

It was not necessarily in his nature to brood over that fact; it was simply something that had been compounded by an endless, brutal era of killing in his life—or more specifically, death.

He could briefly remember a time when it was fine. Just so long as the people around him were happy, it was fine. The death and sorrow that would surely come could be overlooked, because the happiness was still there, the people he had saved were happy.

But that lie was something that was only useful to a human being. To a heroic spirit that was a cleaner of humanity, it held no worth. Perhaps the entire reason why he found the end to things so tasteless was because he could never find one. Not any longer.

"Enough." Shirou grimaced, finding his own brooding annoying. The rice was almost done.

It was because of that mindset that his current situation was so difficult. Over and over again, he was just brooding about how it would eventually end badly, it wasn't even hard to imagine since the atmosphere was often gloomy at best.

"But that's wrong." Shirou ladled a bit of the soup into a saucer and sipped it. Perfect. The fish looked just about done as well. "If it continues like this�"

The sound and motion of the living room door sliding open caused Shirou to glance behind him briefly.

"Good morning, Irisviel."

He did not need to glance back again to know that she was looking about the room blankly. It was nearly a minute later before she gave a tired reply.

"Morning, Archer."

"Is Illyasviel up yet?" Shirou had called her Ilya at first, but the eight year old apparently took her full name very seriously. No. That wasn't it; the reason was simply that he wasn't—

"No, she's still asleep." Sneaking a glance, Shirou saw that she had stopped looking around for someone that was not there, and was just standing in the doorway.

"Breakfast is just about ready, so could you go wake her up?" Shirou heard the woman give an affirmative and leave. He turned off the rice cooker and stove, and began to set the table.

"It can't keep going like this, otherwise�"

---

Irisviel was a completely different woman from what he saw of her at the beginning of the grail war. The change brought about by her husband's death at the end of it was startling, but Shirou had never really known the woman to begin with, so he could not really judge her character just from the brief sights he had glimpsed of her.

Even when he and Hisau had eventually taken Ilya from the Einzbern family so that she could live with her mother in the Emiya residence of Fuyuki city, it was merely a salve onto a deeper infection. The time she spent with her daughter she was much like he had seen previously, happy with simply living, yes. However, when the quiet moments came upon her, the times when she reflected even a little, she seemed to sink back into despair.

It was an odd paradox, being so wonderfully happy, yet also in agony.

But it could not continue. He could not let it continue, even though he had no true idea how to solve it.

"Please take care of my family." That was a promise—no, a contract—he made to a dead man, one whom he had idealized from his youth. It was somewhat ironic that the man, whom had spent his life impartially saving and sacrificing lives equally, without any regard for personal attachment, had thought only of his family in his last moments.

But that was fitting. It was right. It was why he could not break his promise to the man who would have been his father.

Even if he had no true idea how to take care of that man's family, he had to try his very best. He couldn't replace a husband and father, but he could at the least try to help them live without that man.

"Good evening, Archer."

Shirou mentally thanked the visitor for breaking his reflection. It was difficult to connect with Illyasviel and Irisviel as they were—as he was. He didn't regret his actions, but the consequences of them left him in a quandary, and before he realized it, his very presence seemed to make things more difficult for the two women he was residing with. That was a big problem in itself, but lack of conversation left him without any sort of outlet, which gave way to brooding.

"Good evening, Hisau." Kiritsugu's former assistant, Hisau Maiya, was the only one who came to the Emiya residence regularly. She traveled often, but tended to end up at the household door every month at the least.

"How are they?"

Conversations between the two of them were always impersonal. They weren't friends, merely acquaintances—or perhaps, a better term would be colleagues, albeit distant ones. Shirou had promised to take care of Kiritsugu's family in his stead, and Hisau helped from time to time, most significantly as an assistant to Ilya's abduction.

In all likelihood, Shirou doubted that Hisau liked him very much. However, in terms of protection, he was the highest level of defense. Very few things were as powerful as a Servant, after all. But to him, she was one of the few he had met since his summoning that he was comfortable around.

"As well as always," Shirou gave a shrug. "Irisviel is still clearly depressed; Illyasviel is taking it much better, but her mother's wallowing isn't really helping her."

"I see." Hisau sat down on the porch next to Shirou. "Where are they now?"

"A festival. Illyasviel wanted to go, and Irisviel didn't want to disappoint her." Shirou looked at Hisau more closely. She was dressed in her usual business suit, but her hair style was grown out a little. There was something different about her. "Any news?"

"Not really," Hisau shrugged, and then froze. "Well, there is one bit of information that might interest you."

"Oh?"

"Waver Velvet and Rider are making a bit of a ruckus in the Association." Hisau glanced up at the sky with a tiny grimace. "Apparently, Rider still plans on ruling the world."

"Somehow, I expected as much from that man." Shirou controlled the bubble of laughter that threatened to pop out of his throat. "I don't expect many magi took an immediate liking to him."

"Actually, you would be surprised at how popular he is." Hisau gave a smile. "Velvet has a bit more influence nowadays as well, the El-Melloi family has had him take up the reins in place of Kayneth."

"I somehow doubt that will end entirely well, but I suppose it really doesn't have anything to do with me." Shirou gave a half-hearted shrug. The memories of his original life told him how certain things would unfold, even with his interference, so he wasn't particularly surprised.

"Who knows? Perhaps the world will be ruled by that crazy person in a few decades."

"You seem a lot more relaxed." Shirou stared at the woman. It was exactly that. The stiff attitude that he had experienced all the time from the woman was not there at all. If anything, she seemed to be relaxing more as time passed.

"Do I?" Hisau ignored his look and kept her gaze directed at the stars. "I suppose so."

"Is there any particular reason for the sudden change?" Shirou finally tore his eyes away and looked towards the grass.

"I owe a lot to Kiritsugu," Hisau said. "If it weren't for him� well, I suppose you could say I own him my life, but all that really matters is that he was important to me. I would have gladly given my life for him, but he's gone now, and I'm still alive."

"Hmm," Shirou hummed neutrally, waiting for her to get to the point.

"It's not like I've only thought of using my life to help him. When he retired, it was just me, and I did move onto other things. But it always seemed like I still owed him, perhaps like it was my duty to help him."

"But it's different now?" Shirou's gaze shifted from the grass back to Hisau.

"Not really." Hisau stood up, and Shirou looked at her more closely, quirking a white eyebrow curiously. "But I realized that you're just like me."

Shirou's eyes widened slightly, and some surprise slipped into his expression.

"I just didn't understand you at all. When he begged you to take care of his family, you agreed instantly, and have been working hard to fulfill it. Even for some honorable hero, it seemed like it was too much. But a week or two ago, it just seemed to come together in my mind."

Shirou frowned, his features narrowing as he stared at her in askance, unsure as to what direction she was headed.

"I'm not sure why, but I just knew that you also owed Kiritsugu. Maybe not even that, but its similar enough, right?" Hisau shrugged. "That's why I feel I can trust you; that's why I can feel relaxed. If you're around, I won't need to worry about Kiritsugu's family, because they're safe with you."

In other words, it was just intuition. She didn't really know anything.

That was fine.

"I'm not too sure about that," Shirou sighed and shifted his gaze to the stars. "I may be able to protect them from any threats, as unlikely as it is for that to happen. And note, I'm not protecting them right now—but the bigger problem is that taking care of them isn't just protecting them."

"You'll do fine," Hisau said with an oddly warm tone. "I know that Irisviel would be a lot worse off if you weren't here. She wouldn't have Ilya for one, well, unless she went back to the Einzbern's."

That was true. At the very least, there were plenty of things that could be worse. It wasn't something that had occurred to him, oddly. It didn't mean that he could leave it as it was, but it also meant that he had done something. He could continue to do something for Kiritsugu's family.

"Hm," Shirou glanced at Hisau as she started to walk away and leave the household. "Thank you."

"Mm." Hisau waved. "I'll be around sometime next week, I think; I'm kind of getting tired of traveling around so much."

"Then, until that time."

---

The incident that caused Shirou to take a more active role, ironically, came from the most hated of sources. The entire reason he had wished to participate in the Grail War—albeit the fifth instead of the fourth.

Himself.

His large build and exotic features made him stand out a bit, but the few places he visited had started to grow accustomed to his presence. Although on the opposite spectrum, he felt a little uneasy about Fujimura Raiga, whereas the man had seemed to take a liking to him. It was useful to be in the local mobster's good graces, but Shirou knew that the loincloth he had been given as a gift promised some rather uncomfortable events in the future (even if he was confident in his combat prowess).

But the shopping district was busy enough that even though the stores he visited had grown familiar with him, the other passersby had not. It wasn't odd for people to stop and stare, but Fuyuki was Shirou's hometown, so he felt no discomfort even meeting the eyes of strangers looking at him as a foreigner.

However, when he locked eyes with himself, he suddenly felt quite out of place. Small amber eyes stared at him with unflinching curiosity, and recognizing his own face, he paused.

He felt a momentary surge of anger, and his hands clenched on handles of the plastic bags in his hands.

The child didn't have his parents with him—both of whom were alive—and was merely sitting on bench nearby, seemingly without a purpose. The little boy's head cocked to the side slightly as he stared at someone who looked very strange compared to everyone else he had seen before.

Simple curiosity, that was all that was in the boy's eyes, nothing else. No determination. No goal. No borrowed dream.

He had no wish to become an ally of justice. He might have some fanciful, childish dream, but he would never have that same all consuming ideal within himself. The boy wasn't broken. He was not Emiya Shirou.

Shirou knew that before, of course. When Kiritsugu died—when the area of Fuyuki that he had lived in before it was destroyed was not destroyed, he knew that he wouldn't be able to satisfy his grudge against himself.

But actually meeting himself as he would have been was jarring in a way that he hadn't expected. He wasn't envious or angry, all he felt was—pity.

The Shirou in front of him would live an ordinary life and die an ordinary one. The circumstances that caused Shirou to grow up an Emiya were so unique that it was probably the only way he would have ever had any effect on people. It was the one path where—in terms of having influence on the world—he would have amounted to anything.

But—that was a contradiction. Didn't he, Emiya Shirou, hate that same person? The Shirou that took up that foolish and hypocritical ideal, the one that tried to save people, the 'ally of justice', it was something so foolish he wanted to punch that Emiya Shirou's face in. To make him realize how utterly stupid he was.

And yet—looking at what he would have been without that ideal, he felt most certainly that, "I wouldn't want to live that way."

His staring contest broke when he said it out loud, and the child on the bench frowned at him. Shirou blinked, and started to head back to the household he shared with Irisviel and Illyasviel, but his mind was still conflicted.

Certainly, there wasn't anything wrong with living an ordinary life. On the contrary, he fought so people could live just like that.

But the price of being ordinary was being powerless. As foolish as Emiya Shirou thought he was, as sickening as the thought was, if he had to choose between an ordinary life and the life he had after the fire, he would choose the latter.

He had never truly considered a choice like it before, and after putting the groceries away and starting on dinner, Shirou gave a small laugh.

"I guess I haven't changed at all." He was aware that his own desire was as stupid as his ideal, but he had thought that he had grown enough that he had fully realized the extent of his hypocrisy. "Really, it's absurd."

If he couldn't look back and say that he regretted it, his own grudge was just another aspect of hypocrisy.

It wasn't like he could say that his grudge was legitimate in the first place, but if he couldn't even regret the first step toward that path—even as involuntary as it was—it wasn't even a grudge so much as a tantrum. A childish fit with no reason behind it, that was all.

'Irisviel wasn't the only one living aimlessly,' Shirou sighed and palmed his forehead.

Peering through his fingers, Shirou looked around the kitchen. From the rice cooker to the stove, it was mirrored in his memories of the past.

As he started to place the groceries away, Shirou reminisced. He remembered waking up in his shed to the face of his first love, the morning and evening meals, archery, school, magic – the daily consistencies that made up his youth, yet ones he never consciously thought about.

If Shirou were to usually reminisce—which was honestly something he liked to avoid—it was about his past regrets. He would think of his ideal, and the results from that boyish desire to help people.

"Now that I think of it, this life is a bit too nostalgic," Shirou murmured as he flicked the rice cooker on.

'I didn't even notice,' Shirou thought with a sigh. 'I had become utterly complacent� just running on my past habits.'

Shirou ripped away the plastic covering the meat he had bought and started cutting it. 'Even though I kept telling myself that I needed to change things, I've just been fooling myself, as usual.'

'I suppose it's natural, but—' Shirou paused, a frown forming on his face as he tried to shake the memories. 'If I want to be able to talk to Irisviel honestly, I need to put this hypocrisy to rest.'

'All of it.' Shirou heard the door to the household open, signaling the return of the other two residents.

Shirou breathed out slowly, and continued cooking. There was no figurative weight lifted off his shoulders, no peace of mind but—

"Welcome home, Irisviel, Illyasviel." Shirou greeted the two as they entered the dining room, causing them to both to stop and look at him curiously.

It was a start.

---

It was an uncomfortable realization afterward that Shirou discovered he actually knew very little about Irisviel. It told him how much he had simply been ignoring things unconsciously. Even different, he still knew Ilya well enough to pick up her habits as they came along, but Irisviel was a blank. Her likes and dislikes were very mild, and the only thing that Shirou could really tell immediately was that she loved Ilya and Kiritsugu.

So it was only after several weeks of gently inserting himself in activities that he got a feel for her personality beyond her obvious depression.

She was like Ilya in many ways, but only in terms of her general world outlook that came from isolation. Putting to the side her love of her daughter, Irisviel was someone who had a genuine love of life—or perhaps it was better to say that she had that outlook due to her daughter. Of course, with her depression, it made her look almost bipolar at points when she switched between carefree and miserable.

Looking at it from an angle of progress, Shirou actually felt optimistic. Since her daughter had come back into her life, much less of her time had been spent lingering in the past. Even if he wasn't there, she would eventually be able to live her life happily, but he still felt that the core problem would never be addressed if he left things alone.

One curious problem to his more active role was amusing—from his point of view—as Ilya had apparently taken exception to him. Ironically, her blatant and childish attempts at keeping him out of the way were more refreshing than annoying.

Although he drew the line when she tried to mess with his kitchen materials—food included. Ilya had learned not to step into the area after his first lecture. There was something both cathartic and fitting about channeling Heracles to get the attention of his Master.

All in all, it took nearly a month and half before Shirou found himself addressing the main issue of Irisviel.

"Is Illyasviel sleeping?" Shirou placed a cup of tea in front of Irisviel as she sat down.

"Yes," she paused and blinked at the tea, but soon took a sip. "I think she exhausted herself earlier, there was this one local boy at the park that she took a liking to."

"That's good." Shirou smiled and sat down with a cup of tea for himself. The Ilya he remembered had never had the chance to play with children near her age, and hearing that she exhausted herself playing was something heartening.

It meant that, even if it wasn't because of him, Kiritsugu's family was living well. One of them anyway, he was working on the other.

"Irisviel." Shirou set down his cup. The woman in front of him looked like she was fine, but it was less that she was recovering from her depressing and more like she was beginning to learn how to ignore it.

"Are you happy?" Shirou began the subject from the side.

"Happy?" Irisviel tilted her head and looked at him curiously, and then frowned. Her brow knit together as she actually thought about it. "I'm not sure."

"I suppose I am." She finally nodded. "Yes, I'm happy."

"Hm," Shirou grimaced. "Well, if you can say it like that, I'll be blunt: you're lying."

"I—what?" Irisviel was taken aback, not simply by his words, but the stare he was directing at her. "What do you mean?"

"Anybody who looks at you can see you're suffering," Shirou glanced to the side. "Even—no, especially Illyasviel can see that you're still suffering."

"Ah�" Irisviel's face flushed, and a heavy feeling settled into her stomach. "I�"

Irisviel trailed off and frowned at table, unable to refute him, but too uneasy to simply agree with him.

That, of course, was the result of his passive role. He had been a distant watcher instead of protector.

"Well," Shirou leaned back slightly. "I suppose there's not much point in simply accusing you like that. However, I really don't think you can just ignore your depression either. He—Kiritsugu died with the wish that you and Illyasviel lived on."

Irisviel glanced up sharply, her expression tense, and Shirou paused.

"I�" Irisviel opened her mouth, and paused. She fidgeted and glanced about, searching for some sort of escape, or perhaps simply for the words to put her feelings into.

Shirou waited.

"I thought," Irisviel finally said something, a sigh causing her to stop momentarily before starting again. "I thought I had first discovered happiness when Ilya was born."

"It was true but�" She glanced in the direction of Ilya's room. "It was only a realization. I had never truly understood how happy I was with Kiritsugu until now, now that I realize how much I miss him."

"I was happy from the things he showed me and the life he gave me, but I never truly knew how much until he was taken away." Irisviel sighed again, but the uneasiness that she had felt only a few seconds earlier seemed to have abated.

"I was prepared to die for him, I fully expected to in fact, but—no matter what, I never thought he would die for me. That's why� I just don't know�"

"I think that's natural," Shirou didn't take his eyes off her as he spoke, but his lips twisted into a frown. "But it's also a sad thing, Irisviel."

"Is it?" Irisviel looked at him like she honestly wasn't sure.

"Yes, it's sad that your love for him isn't allowing you to be truly happy. No matter what, I do not think that was what Kiritsugu wanted for you." Shirou frowned, a memory of bubbling up to the fringes of his mind. "If he were alive in your place, I know for certain, that he would love you, and still live happily. Even if there were days that it was painful, he would still live in peace. So, why can you not do so as well?"

"I'm—" Irisviel flinched. "I'm not that strong."

Shirou paused, glancing at her with a curious expression. "If that was truly the case, I don't think that Kiritsugu would have ever loved you."

Irisviel looked at him in shock. "I—what?"

"I'm not Kiritsugu, so I can't ever know what made him love you, but I'd like to think I know him well enough that I can say that he wouldn't have loved you if you weren't a strong person." Shirou picked up his cup and silently sipped at his tea, carefully not looking at Irisviel as she floundered visibly.

"I'm� how could you know what Kiritsugu was like?" The words were less an accusation and more a weak protest.

"I think," Shirou set his tea down and avoided the question, "The better question is: what do you think?"

"I—" Irisviel glanced at the table her expression full of despair. "I'm sure that if Kiritsugu could see me now, he'd be very sad."

"Yes, very likely." Shirou looked at Irisviel as her eyes started drip with tears. "And?"

"And, I—" Irisviel bit her lip, her expression becoming more agonized. "I don't know!"

"I don't know anymore. When I lost Kiritsugu everything just turned on its head, the one certainty I've always had was that no matter what, he would live. If he was alive, I was happy. He gave me Ilya and everything that held any worth in my life. If there was a reason I was strong, then it was because he loved me. And now that he's gone, I—just� don't know."

"You're lying again, Irisviel." Shirou coolly ignored the beginnings of her stifled sobs.

"I am not!" Irisviel finally looked at Servant angrily. "Without Kiritsugu, I'm nothing!"

"Do I need to repeat myself?" Shirou returned Irisviel's glare. "Do you think that Kiritsugu would have loved someone that was worthless? If, as you say, you held no worth before Kiritsugu came into your life, no matter the circumstances, he wouldn't have loved you as he did. Of that, I am certain."

Irisviel stopped short again, a snort coming out of her lips as she glanced downward. "I'm just running around in circles, huh?"

"You are."

"But even so, Archer," Irisviel looked up at Shirou. Her cheeks were slick, and eyes red, but her expression was clear. "I'm not sure what to do."

"It's true, Kiritsugu would have lived on. He wouldn't want me wallowing like this. But I don't know what I can do. Everything I do seems to remind me of him, even—no, especially Ilya too. I don't ever want to forget those memories of him, but� I don't know how I can possibly move on like this."

"Hmm," Shirou grimaced internally. The whole idea was to get Irisviel to 'come clean', as it were, but now that she was so readily admitting that she had no idea how to recover, he was coming up short as well.

"Why not, ah�" Shirou's expression quirked and he said the first thing that popped into his head. "You could try dating?"

"Dating?" Irisviel blinked, and mouthed the word again, as if tasting it for the first time.

"Ah," Shirou almost fidgeted before he controlled himself. "Well, perhaps not immediately, but perhaps the best way to move on is to make new memories with someone."

"Of course you shouldn't forget Kiritsugu or anything," Shirou felt a tendril of panic rise up as Irisviel focused on him intently. "Don't forget, but make new memories to help offset them. It doesn't necessarily need to be dating or anything, but just get closer to somebody, or�"

'What am I saying?' Shirou mentally groaned.

"Da-ting�" Irisviel tapped her forefinger to her mouth, a focused expression on her face as she stared downward.

Shirou felt like smacking himself. "On second tho—"

"Alright," Irisviel nodded thoughtfully, a determined expression replaced her previously intense one. "I'll try that, Archer."

"You� will?" Shirou blinked.

"Well, the point is, I should make similar, happy memories, right?" Irisviel looked at him. "I think you're right, so I'll try that."

Shirou found himself without anything to say in reply, so he just nodded. At the same time he glanced at the clock and felt a wave of relief hit him.

"It's about time I started making dinner," Shirou said as he stood. "If you could, would you wake Illyasviel in about a half an hour?"

---

Strangely, it was three weeks later that Shirou found himself running into a thought that he had not expected when he had blurted out the notion of dating to Irisviel.

Actually, Shirou was rather stupefied that he hadn't realized sooner. It began simply as Irisviel coming along with him to shop for groceries. It was very simple, but shopping with Irisviel turned out to be an interesting experience when they got sidetracked into a department store, and things snowballed somewhat when he had run into his younger self who Irisviel had said was the boy that Illyasviel had gotten along wonderfully with.

He found himself not amused by that at all.

It was exhausting mentally, but by the time they got back—three hours later than he had thought—he could say that they had fun.

He should have figured it out right then and there, but for some reason, his brain simply refused to connect the dots. Even after several more shopping trips, and then a night out with Ilya, and then Irisviel deciding that they needed to visit an amusement park�

Maybe it took so long because, despite never actually knowing the woman, she would have been his mother had she lived.

It was only after she outright asked him to go with her to a restaurant without Illyasviel that it finally connected.

Irisviel's idea of dating was dating HIM.

The night became extremely awkward when he came to that realization—for him. Thankfully, Irisviel seemed to have enjoyed it.

Hisau's opinion didn't help.

"That's good." She said and nodded. Hisau's words were entirely without any sort of sarcasm or mockery. "I think it's a good solution, honestly. Although I somewhat doubt that Kiritsugu meant for you to take care of his family quite in this way."

Shirou—couldn't disagree. The most important fact was that it seemed to be working, that or Irisviel had quite suddenly gotten good at hiding her depression.

She started the mornings with greeting him instead of blanking looking around. Instead of reminiscing on her memories, she tended to spend any time without Ilya talking with him. And she seemed to enjoy that time.

If that was the case, Shirou didn't have any reasons to object. No, more than that, he started to find himself looking forward to the time he spent with her.

"Actually, I never did anything like this with Kiritsugu." Irisviel told him on their second date at a restaurant, half lounging on the clothed table as she rested her arms. "It was an arranged marriage, I think they're called. Most of the time we spent together was business; even the more intimate moments were really scheduled for convenience."

"Well, I know how the Einzbern family operates to a degree, so I can understand." Shirou frowned as he recalled the patriarch of the family, an altogether unpleasant man. Shirou was expecting some sort of vengeance from him in the future.

"What about your past, Archer? Did you have a lover?" Irisviel's expression turned curious.

"I�" Shirou quirked his lips in a self-deprecating grin, feeling chagrined as he remembered his few relationships. "Yes, I did. But none of them� worked out in the end."

"Oh," Irisviel frowned. "Do you� regret it?"

"Ah�" Shirou paused. His thoughts turned to Saber, to Sakura, Rin and Ilya. "I regret that I couldn't do more for them. In the end, what I did wasn't enough. But if you're asking if I regret getting involved with them, then no, my memories of my time with them are some of the most precious to me."

"I see," Irisviel dropped the line of conversation with a smile, and they soon turned to more present events as the food arrived.

The 'second' date turned into a third and then a fourth. Shirou stopped bothering to count soon afterward, and although he enjoyed the time more and more, he failed to connect the obvious progression of things. It wasn't until Irisviel displayed her blunt approach to matters she wasn't quite experienced in that Shirou came to the logical conclusion of becoming more intimate.

"Archer, could we have sex tonight?"

"Ah�" Shirou literally paused in mid motion as he tipped a kettle of water. Thankfully, the boiling liquid slipping onto his hands shook him away from his stupefied state before too long. Shirou closed his jaw and after letting out a mild curse, quickly grabbed a towel to clean away the overflowed tea.

"I-Irisviel, ah�hah�" Shirou found himself stumbling over his words for the first time he could remember since his incarnation as a Servant.

Irisviel waited a few seconds, but frowned as he kept coming up short. "Is there a problem, Archer�?"

"N-no, but—" Shirou palmed his flushed face and gave a sigh. "I just�"

"Shouldn't you�" Shirou paused again, thinking over his words. "We HAVE been dating for some time, but doesn't sex seem like� betraying Kiritsugu?"

Shirou grimaced, his words felt more than contradictory—they felt ridiculous.

"Mm�" Irisviel fingered her lips with a frown. "Isn't this� the next step?"

"I think you were right, Archer," Irisviel said, and gave him a smile. "I've been feeling a lot better these past few weeks. Kiritsugu will always be in my memories, my heart, but� experiencing new things� spending time with another person—is definitely a wonderful thing. And I liked having sex with Kiritsugu, it was amazing, and what came from it was even more amazing."

Irisviel, still smiling, reached forward and cupped her hands around Shirou's. His were so massive compared to hers that even together, her slender fingers were only barely able to wrap around them. "I still miss the time I spent with my husband terribly, but I'm beginning to enjoy the time I spend with you just as much."

"Do you think th—" Shirou started, but cut himself off. "No, you're right."

Why was sex any different from what he was already doing? It was far more intimate, yes, but the feelings behind the matter were largely the same. Moreover, if it helped Irisviel—

"If you want to, I will not refuse you." Shirou gave a smile—albeit an uneasy one—and curled his fingers slightly to hold her hands.

"I do want it," Irisviel nodded. They stood there for a few moments before Irisviel broke away and sat down at the table. It took Shirou several seconds before he realized that he had been in the middle of serving tea and turned back to his work.

The rest of the evening followed its usual course, but Shirou's mind kept building tension as the late hours approached, and he made his way to the room that he slept in when needed. Ilya was in the same room as Irisviel, and it was rather obvious they weren't going to do anything in front of her.

"�Right?" Shirou frowned as he opened the door and felt a twinge of relief as he saw Irisviel seated on his spread futon.

Then his tension shot up again when he noticed that she only had a very thin shift covering her.

"Archer," Irisviel acknowledged him as she opened her eyes and smiled. "Would you take off your clothes?"

"Ah, right." Shirou glanced at his simple black T-shirt and slacks. He hadn't materialized his armor since his journey to Germany, but the simple cotton he was wearing suddenly became difficult to remove as he fumbled the shirt over his head.

'Damn it, Emiya, calm down.' Shirou cursed himself. The worse thing was that—

"Oh, but you're still small." Irisviel blinked as he pulled his underwear down and stared at his flaccid prick.

All the tension he felt was pure nervousness. His view of Irisviel was so narrow he couldn't even imagine her looking erotic. Even in the tiny slip, she looked more angelic than sexual. The effect was only increased by her pale skin and alabaster hair.

"Heheh," Irisviel giggled and crawled over to Shirou. "This reminds me of my first time, Kiritsugu wasn't very excited at the start either."

"I-is that so�?" Shirou blinked, his mind suddenly shifting gears.

"Mmhmm�" Irisviel hummed, and beckoned for him. "Come down here, Archer."

"Ah, right," Shirou knelt down, just realizing how much their size differed. Even when standing next to one other, he had a full head or so of height, and you could almost add two of her side-by-side him and he'd only be somewhat smaller. It wasn't something he had been unaware of, but the situation made it more obvious.

His inane thoughts were cut off as Irisviel did something he hadn't expected at all. Popping two of her fingers into her own mouth, she allowed a copious amount of saliva to moisten the digits before she pulled them out, reached behind Shirou and shoved them into his anus.

"Guh!" Shirou didn't hold back the grunt of shock that flew out of his lungs at the sensation that assaulted him.

Completely ignoring his surprise, Irisviel's other hand reached up to grab the back of his head and forcefully pulled him down into a kiss. Using his open lips to her advantage, Irisviel casually inserted her tongue into his mouth. Immediately, the sweet taste of the oranges he had peeled for her after dinner assaulted him. At the same time, Irisviel's fingers in between his buttocks wiggled, sending more odd signals to his brain, but before Shirou could decide whether they were pleasant or not, she pulled them out.

"Mmh�" Shirou groaned slightly into Irisviel's mouth as her right hand, after giving his behind a playful squeeze, trailed away from his ass to his front.

"There� we go�" Irisviel murmured breathlessly as she pulled away from the kiss she had initiated. The hot air from her faint gasping lingered against his cheeks for a moment. Flashing him a somewhat dazed smile, Irisviel grasped his penis tightly in her hand.

"Ah..." Shirou felt another groan escape him, surprise and now arousal caused his mind to blank. He hadn't even noticed his own erection until she had grabbed it. Her soft, manicured fingers gave his dick a few short pumps, causing his breathing to hitch slightly.

"This is a bit quick� but I think� I got more excited than I thought so�" Irisviel murmured, and then bent downward, engulfing his dick without any warning.

"I-Irisviel, wha—" Shirou gasped, completely off guard. Irisviel's tongue revolved slowly around the head of his cock, before she pressed it up against the underside of it and thrust her head downward. Immediately, she pulled her head up again while sucking, and focused on the tip again. Her cheeks indented slightly as she pushed down, and then up again. Each movement had Shirou barely holding back groans of pleasure. He had only just started to enjoy the motions of her hand, but the feeling of being inside her mouth took the sensations to an even higher point.

Irisviel's right hand was slowly making circling motions under the left side of his chest, and as she felt the tension in it, she let out a small giggle that caused vibrations to tickle at his cock.

"Iris—viel, ah—" Shirou grit his teeth. "I'm going—to come!"

"Mm." Irisviel hummed a response, and Shirou could almost feel her smiling at him as he felt an onrush of pleasure. An orgasm spiked from his groin to his head, and he dimly felt his dick pulsating.

"Mmhm�" Irisviel pulled back, and lifted her left hand to her mouth as she felt a few droplets of sperm drip out. Swallowing twice, Irisviel opened her eyes and blinked several times. "Th—mmh� That was quite an amount, Archer�"

"Ahhahh�" Shirou breathed deeply, and glanced downward to Irisviel's impressed expression. Still dazed, he just looked at her in amazement.

"Was it good, Archer?" Irisviel questioned him, her face honestly curious.

"Irisviel�" Shirou felt a chuckle bubble out of him. "That was incredible."

"Oh," Irisviel smiled. "I'm glad."

"But, I think we should continue." Shirou let out a long breath of air. His nervousness had evaporated when Irisviel had completely pulled him along into an orgasm, but he still felt a weight on his chest.

But he could enjoy it, because—now more than ever—he wanted Irisviel to enjoy herself.

"All right�" Irisviel assented and leaned forward.

Shirou met her halfway and drank in another kiss. His own flavor greeted him, but he didn't mind the bitter taste. The sensation of kissing Irisviel gave him a heady feeling as she hummed in a pleased way into his mouth, half moaning, half laughing.

Cupping the sides of her face, nearly engulfing her head with his giant hands, Shirou deepened the kiss even more, and couldn't hold back a groan of pleasure as Irisviel's hands also gently massaged at his chest. Sliding his right hand down the side of her face, he slowly rubbed at her shoulder and silently marveled at the flawless feel of her skin against his callused fingertips.

"Ahn� Amh—hhmer�" Irisviel's muffled cry of his title made him break away from the kiss, and a thick tendril of saliva still connected their lips for several seconds afterward before snapping. The feel of her lips and the taste of her tongue continued to linger on his for several moments afterward. Irisviel opened her eyelids and her crimson orbs greeted him with a dazed look.

"Just� returning the favor," Shirou said breathlessly, and tugged the short straps of her chemise to the side. Dipping his head, he placed a kiss on the area of her shoulder the cloth had just vacated. Slowly, he pulled back and then pressed his lips down again, near the crevice of her neck, peeking a bit of his tongue out to lightly caress at the skin. The warmth of his tongue on her skin incited a soft sigh from her, and as he laid another kiss on her collarbone, the heat that was already burning beneath her nerves grew. When Shirou's left hand slid down her shoulder and began to lightly caress at the edges of her areola, her hands came up to grasp his shoulders in a tight hold, her nails stabbing into his bronze skin.

Peeking at her from the corner of his eye as he laid another kiss down just above her right breast—this time suckling lightly on the flesh—he saw her eyes shut, and her face flushed. A look of impatience, or perhaps desperation was starting to make its way onto her expression.

"Ahh�" Irisviel let out a breathy moan as Shirou flicked the fingers of his left hand across the top of her erect nipple, just a tiny brush of contact. At the same time he strained his head to the side and grabbed the side of her right breast with his mouth and sucked on her smooth skin. Briefly, he marveled at her surprisingly ample breasts, and had to resist the urge to stop his teasing simply to feel them in their entirety with his hands. Her pale skin, now tinged a light pink from her blush, curved into such bountiful globes that his hands itched to pay them far more attention.

But while his mouth drew nearer to his desire, he forced his hand to slowly slide downward. Curving at her stomach, his fingers rubbed at the area around her bellybutton before he maneuvered around to her back, and then downward to caress at her buttocks. As he grasped at the firm flesh, he couldn't resist a few less gentle squeezes.

"Haah�A-Archer�" Irisviel let out a gasp, her voice directed down to his head and a tendril of air flicked at his ear. Irisviel's hands reached down and under Shirou's arms to grab onto his back. Her tight grip beckoned him into an embrace, but he resisted in favor of finally engulfing her nipple into his mouth. Twirling his tongue around the stiff teat, and then suckling forcefully incited a sharp gasp from Irisviel, and Shirou had to pull his hand up to support her lower back as she gave a convulsive shudder.

"A-Archer, I can't—" Irisviel paused as she sucked in another breath. "I-I'm going to come, n-no—wait...I—"

Irisviel grabbed onto Shirou's head with a powerful grip, but let out another shuddering gasp and jerked. "A-Arch—herr!"

A light liquid shot onto Shirou's bent knee, causing him to blink. After he took a short moment to assure himself that it was Irisviel's ejaculate he gave Irisviel's nipple another suckle. His left hand lowered again to tickle at her derriere, and his right hand curved downward to rub at her twitching legs.

Feeling Irisviel's grip loosen, Shirou pulled away from her chest and then leaned forward again to grasp her lips into a kiss. It took a few moments before she responded, and a moan bubbled up from her throat as his tongue caressed hers.

"Mm—cher�" Irisviel pulled away, giving him another smile. "Archer, could you�"

Irisviel paused, closing her eyes briefly, a sigh of pleasure escaping her lips from Shirou's hand continuing to rub her ass slowly. "Could you� do me from behind?"

"You mean like—" Shirou paused, resisting his first urge to fidget, but gave a nod of acceptance as he got her meaning.

"I've� never had sex like that before, so—" Irisviel tilted her head in askance.

"Just, well—" Shirou stopped for a second, taking a glance at Irisviel's glistening vulva. "Get on all fours and turn around."

Irisviel padded onto her hands and knees like he said, and then twirled herself around until she was facing away from him. Turning her head to the side, she looked at him questioningly. "Like this?"

Shirou nodded mutely, his attention suddenly encompassed by Irisviel's body. In a few short motions, she had exposed herself completely to him. Her previous position had her lower body all tightly compact as she sat in stanza, but now everything that had been so neatly folded was displayed to his eyes, from her curving legs to her dripping pussy. He could see her breasts swaying gently from her breathing, just a small peek from around her back, but his mind summoned up the perfect image of her pale, yet blushing bosom. Her blonde hair half clung onto her sweaty back, and half hung down onto the futon, and Shirou suddenly had the urge to run his fingers through it.

"Hah�" Shirou let out a nervous breath, his erection made itself painfully known to him, but he paused to bend forward and kiss Irisviel's turned cheek. His right hand reached forward to stabilize himself as he looked at his lover while his left reached out to her hair. Since she had just taken a bath that day, Irisviel's hair felt almost like strands of silk to Shirou's fingers as he stroked it.

"Archer�?" Irisviel looked at him questioningly. Her face was flushed, and her breathing was starting to speed up again, causing her beautiful breasts to sway even more from her position. His erection was almost snuggly pressed in between her buttocks and he felt her breathing hitch from the sensation.

"It's nothing, I just�" Shirou smiled and dipped his head again to kiss her on the lips, just a small peck. "Are you ready?"

"Yes�" Irisviel let out a small sigh, and closed her eyes, her expression changing to one of anticipation. Her fingers were lightly grasping onto the soft material of the futon, and Shirou felt her suppress a small shudder pass through her, causing her behind to wiggling slightly—temptingly.

Shirou straightened up and palmed his phallus, guiding it to Irisviel's dripping hole. His other hand was massaging the back of her thigh, and he thumbed at her labia, a slow pull on the wet lips of her pussy. Irisviel gasped at the sudden touch, the first one to her sensitive vulva, but the gasp turned into a grunt as he plunged into her depths.

"Gh—ahh!" Irsiviel let out a low whine of air, and Shirou saw her right arm wobble.

She wasn't the only one left unsteady; Shirou felt a small moan escape his lips at the sensation of being enveloped, and had to grab onto her butt with his free hand as a frail support. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, but Shirou's memories of his time with his lovers were so distant that he felt entirely unprepared for the sensations that quickly welled up. The excitement that stirred from his prick to his belly made his vision blur. He stood there for a few seconds, his dick halfway into Irisviel, trying to cull the emotions enough to continue.

"Ahh—Arr—Arche—her!" Irisviel's voice warbled horribly. He felt rather than saw or heard her suppressed sobbing, and Shirou immediately felt his stomach drop.

"Are� you all right, Irisviel?" Shirou reached out and touched her smooth back, and then slowly slid his hand up and down it in a soothing manner.

Irisviel shook her head, causing her hair to fly to and fro before she glanced toward Shirou unsteadily.

"I-I'm wonderful," Irisviel told him with tears streaking down her cheeks. "I... I had forgotten this sensation, this w-wonderful, wonderful feeling."

"Oh—" Irisviel sucked in a shuddered breath. "God. This feeling. I hadn't realized how much I missed it—how much I wanted it again."

"Archer," Irisviel smiled again, "please, make love to me. Have sex with me. Fuck me. Just—don't stop, please."

"O-of course," Shirou stuttered, shock and arousal suddenly at war within him at Irisviel's unexpected begging. After placing his hands back onto her hips, and finally completing his thrust, he found that the overwhelming sensations had quelled. Nevertheless, the pleasurable feelings coming from his engulfed dick didn't abate a bit, and he felt a groan pass his lips as he pulled out and thrust in once more.

The muscles of Irisviel's vagina clamped down tightly whenever he forced his way into her, making even pulling himself from her depths feel like a great exertion as his nerves continued to crackle with bliss.

He thrust and pulled evenly, pacing himself, but each motion after the other felt even more pleasurable than the last. Irisviel's insides felt like they were caressing every contour of his prick.

"Hahhn�" Irisviel let out a long moan of breath as Shirou gave a particularly forceful thrust, his desire to go faster momentarily overcoming him.

The sound of their copulating filled the room. The wet, slapping noises of his cock stirring their mixed juices within her pussy chorused with their grunts and moans of pleasure. His hips collided with her ass and caused her buttocks to jiggle slightly from the force of his thrust. Her pants of exertion mixed with his, and he felt his desire build even higher as he heard her groan out a muffled yell into the futon. Her hands had long since stopped keeping steady, and she instead relied on her entire arms to help her receive his thrusts.

"Ar—her!" He was aware of her screaming his known name into the mattress, but his ears were pounding with blood from his own excitement so it was only a dim recognition. "Archer! Oh, go-god, Archer—!"

Irisviel's voice began to clear as she tilted her head to the side, her lungs screaming for air. Her limbs' had lost so much strength that Shirou's hold on her hips was less for his support and more to keep her upright as he continued to pound his dick into her overflowing pussy.

Irisviel's breasts rocked from side to side as her lungs heaved and body quaked. "A-Arc—"

"Iri�sviel�" Shirou's voice cracked as he panted out her name. "I'm� going to come!"

Dimly amazed that he had held out as long as he had against the onslaught of pleasure spiking into his brain, Shirou only vaguely heard Irisviel's moans of happiness at his announcement before his prick began to pulsate.

"Ahh—aah!" Irisviel's voice tickled at his ears as he let out his own exclamation. His toes went numb as a surge of bliss washed away the noise of the world. He saw Irisviel's back arch, and his fingertips felt vibrations from her skin, but he couldn't hear her voice.

After four long spurts of fluid, he felt his cock quell its ejaculation, and the crackling sensations of pleasure began to slowly fade. But even as his hearing started to return, Irisviel's body still twitched, her panting hitched and her jaw clenched painfully as her orgasm continued.

Shirou watched her in mute amazement for several more seconds until Irisviel suddenly lost all tension and collapsed to the futon. Blinking twice, Shirou pulled his half-erect prick out of her, and almost jumped as he felt a flood of white fluid drip out of her all at once.

"�ehh." Shirou ignored the thoughts of clean up and turned Irisviel onto her back. A smile curled his lips as he saw the exhausted—happy expression on her face. A bit of arousal tickled at him as he saw her still heaving breasts, now covered in a thin layer of sweat, but he ignored it as he laid down next to her.

"Mm�" Irisviel immediately leaned onto his form as he positioned himself. "Thank you, Archer. That was� just� beautiful."

"Ah�" Shirou felt a twinge of chagrin at her description. "It� was my pleasure, Irisviel."

"Mm�" Irisviel sighed dreamily against his chest. "Could you—would you call me Iri?"

"I—" Shirou started to move, but stopped, deciding not to look at her expression. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am." Irisviel let out another sigh, and contentedly hummed against his chest for a few moments. Her fingers traced along the clearly defined muscles of his chest and she slowly breathed in his scent.

Shirou hesitantly wrapped his arm around her, his hand slowly brushed through her hair—feeling the soft, almost silk-like texture to it even after their copulation.

They didn't speak any other words for the rest of the night, but they didn't sleep for quite some time either. They simply shared each others' company.

---

Shirou let out a small sigh of contentment as he finished his meal, and a peaceful feeling began to settle in his stomach, but after glancing to the two others seated with him, he hid a small grimace.

Something was bothering Irisvi—Iri. She was hiding it well enough, but he had memorized enough of her normal motions that he could tell she was nervous about something.

'Regret, perhaps?' Shirou was not necessarily bothered by that. It had only been a month or thereabout, and they had had continued to make love when the mood struck. However, Kiritsugu was too idealized in his mind to truly allow him the thought that she could come to love him as much as that man. But at the very least, he wanted her to move on from any pain associated with that thought. Not just because of Kiritsugu's promise, but for her own wellbeing.

"Illyasviel," Shirou frowned as he noticed something else off. "Is something wrong with my cooking?"

"Ah." Ilya gave a small jump, before looking at her half-finished meal. "No, it's good."

"Is your stomach bothering you, then?" Shirou leaned forward to look at her more closely.

"No." Ilya leaned back. "But�"

"But?" Shirou sat back into a normal position as she fidgeted.

"Could you," she paused for a second, looking somewhat uncomfortable, but still giving a tiny smile. "Could you call me Ilya, like before?"

"Of course," Shirou gave a small grin of his own in response. "But what brought this? You were rather adamant about your full name before."

"Ah, well." Ilya gave Shirou an unreadable expression. "I figured if I'm going to have to call you dad, it'd be weird if you still called me my full name all the time."

"Ah, guh?" Shirou choked on his own saliva.

"Oh." Iri suddenly inserted herself into the conversation with a tiny clap. "That, um, reminds me, Archer."

"Ah, wha—now, hold on a second, Ilya, Iri." Shirou stumbled about for words. How much did Ilya know? The memories he had of her before were a bit blurry, but still remembered how devious she was. Was that something that was just in her nature?

"Archer, I—mm�" Iri's voice trailed off into a murmur. Shirou's head whipped around to look at her.

"I'm sorry, wh-what was that?" He had to have misheard.

It wasn't possible.

And yet Iri gave him a nervous, but happy smile and repeated herself clearly. "Archer, I'm pregnant."

Shirou gaped at her stupidly.

"What?"

---

End

This was pre-read by Hawker_748. It's entirely thanks to him that it turned out somewhat decent.
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Aftermath