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No Idea	By : sashocirrione Category: Death Note > Yaoi-Male/Male > L/Light Views: 2754 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

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Title: "No Idea"

Author: Sashocirrione

Spoilers: MAJOR Spoilers for everything up to chapter 58 of the manga and episode 25 of the anime.

Warnings: NO UNDERAGE READERS. Rated M for a reason. Contains sexual activities, strong language, foodplay, bloodplay, involuntary bondage and dub-con (sexual consent issues due mainly to mind control). References to amputation, necrophilia and semi-bestiality. Extremely gross. The grossest things all occur "off-screen" so to speak, and are merely discussed rather than shown directly, but the discussion may still be stomach-turning.

Pairing: LxLight. It really is LxLight (L seme and Light uke) despite initial appearances.

Summary: They are destined to be together. Supernatural forces are pushing L and Light into a romantic relationship, and there is no possible escape. But, L just doesn't seem to get how this works. What is wrong with him? LxLight presented as a crack pairing.

Additional Notes: This starts just after Misa has been arrested. All the canon events previous to this have occurred as normal, but from then on, things change.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

CHAPTER 1: Love Spell

Light paced back and forth in his room. This was infuriating. Just when he thought he'd gotten L backed into a corner, L had pulled that stunt with the cellphone and then Misa had been arrested immediately after. That sneaky bastard had only pretended to let Light into the investigation. In reality, L must have been investigating Misa secretly.

Now, there were so many things that could go wrong. If Misa talked... if Rem broke Misa out of whatever cell they were holding Misa in and the investigators realized there was something supernatural going on...

No, Light had to believe that Rem would erase Misa's memories and, once freed of the bond that kept her tied to Misa's location, seek out Light for some kind of plan. That was the only move that made sense for Rem, and even someone with her limited brainpower should see that. The only question was, what kind of plan would work? It was too late to just destroy both death notes. When the deaths stopped and didn't re-start, it would prove L's theories and L would be sure to execute both Kira suspects, whether they remembered killing or not.

What was needed was to get a death note into the hands of someone who would continue judging criminals. If the deaths restarted while both Kira suspects were imprisoned, especially if they both appeared innocent because they had lost their memories, then sooner or later L would be forced to let them go.

Even in the best case, L would surely continue to keep a watch on them, perhaps even subject them to surprise searches for the rest of their lives. And, if he got his hands on a death note and figured out how the death notes worked, he'd probably forcibly restore their memories and then execute them.

From then on, the plan got sketchy. No matter who Light sent the death note to, L was probably smart enough to eventually catch that person. How could Light regain his memories and his death note? The memoryless version of Light would want to rejoin the investigation to clear his name, but would L let him? L might, under the guise of continuing to keep a close watch on his Kira suspect, but that was iffy. In any case the investigation would get the death note and everything would become clear. Surely, even if Light were part of the investigation team, L wouldn't be stupid enough to let him hold the death note for 40 seconds?

Light could think of a few ways to improve the plan, such as putting some fake rules in, using a bit of death note paper concealed in his watch to kill the new Kira, and switching death notes between Rem and L so that Ryuk would be there to make the eye deal with Misa, and so that even if Misa had forgotten L's real name Rem would be with the investigators and still might kill L to save Misa.

But, even with the improvements, however he looked at it, it was an incredibly bad plan. There was no way things would work out quite that well, especially since the plan completely depended on L being stupid by letting his prime suspect come into contact with his old murder weapon. No, that just wasn't like L.

What Light really needed was some kind of backup plan, something to fall back on if... no, when... the primary plan failed. If he could just find some way of making L act a bit stupid around him, of influencing L's behavior and decisions...

Light continued to pace, impatiently waiting for Rem to figure out what she needed to do and arrive. Suddenly, Ryuk started talking. Light's head snapped up, but Ryuk was facing the wall, talking to the air. It wasn't Rem.

Ryuk said, "Hey, buddy, it's been a long time."

Ryuk listened to something, and then said, "Ho, ho, you should see the entertainment I've been getting from this guy and his sworn enemy. It's absolutely hilarious."

Ryuk nodded, and then said, "Yeah, that might make it ten times as funny. Or, it might cause my fun to end too soon. It's hard to tell what would happen."

"Ryuk," Light said, "are you talking with another god of death?"

Light felt something tap his shoulder, and a terrifying apparition was suddenly standing in front of him. Its overall body shape was roughly similar to Ryuk, but instead of Ryuk's gothic clothing style, it was done up in a pink and red pantsuit with shimmering gauzy stripes and bits of ribbon and lace everywhere in a massive profusion. It even wore a bonnet that was just as lacy and gaudy as everything else. Despite this, the figure appeared to be male... possibly.

It said, "Hello, human. I am Carminious, a god of romance."

Yes, that voice certainty sounded male. But perhaps a little fruity. Light saw a glowing red notebook hanging around the waist, attached by a kind of glittery pink webbing to the bottom of what looked like an extremely fancy fanny-pack. He quickly figured things out.

Light said, "That's a love note, isn't it? You can make people fall in love with it?"

Carminious made an irritated little sniff. He said, "It is a romance note, not a love note. Everyone always thinks these things are love notes. Romance is so much more than just love. You can love your family members, but that's not romance unless you're a sick incestuous bastard."

Light said, "Carminious, do you have eyes that can see a person's name just by looking at them?"

"Of course."

"Then," Light said, "how could I trade for those eyes?"

Carminious said, "First, I would need two romance notes and you'd have to become an owner of one. The king of romance gods is stingy so I don't see that happening. Besides, I can tell by looking at you that you don't have the thing I'd want to take."

"Which is?"

"If a person is deeply in love with someone, I take that love in return for the eyes. At this moment, you're not even slightly in love with anyone. Except maybe yourself, which doesn't count."

Light said, "And, I assume you can't tell humans the names you see, just like gods of death can't?"

"Right on"

Light thought for a bit. He said, "If I took you somewhere and indicated a person, would you write their name down along with the details of how they fall in love? I'd like someone to fall in love so deeply that he'll give up his career just to pursue the woman."

"It doesn't work like that. I must write two names down, and the only details I can specify are when and where the love starts. The romance note always creates an intense, strong love, the love of a lifetime, and it transcends barriers of culture, distance and even sexual orientation. Regardless of the obstacles involved, the two people want to be together in a romantic way as long as they are both alive."

"Damn it," Light said, "I can't get his name this way, and even if he starts a romance it isn't going to interfere with his work or allow me to influence his actions. This is no good. Let me think."

As Light turned over the issue in his mind, he could only see one way to make it work in his favor. If L fell in love with him. Yes, that way, L would be reluctant to push any avenue of investigation that would show Light to be Kira. Even if L did find absolute proof of Light being Kira, he'd never hand over the love of his life to Interpol. Furthermore, if L were reluctant and conflicted about the Kira investigation, he'd be sure to make more mistakes. But, Light would also be in love with L. Could he handle it?

Yes, Light decided. He was perfectly capable of killing anyone who stood in his way. If L were still capable of being an obstruction to Kira even when deeply in love with Kira, Light would just kill him. After all, Light had already decided that he could slaughter his entire family if need be. He knew he could kill the love of his life as well.

The thought of sex gave him a bit of hesitation. But, with the effects of the romance note, if the relationship progressed that far, he'd enjoy it immensely. The queasiness he felt at this moment would be entirely gone. It would be every bit as good as having sex with a girl once the romance note dissolved his resistance.

And, Light had no doubt he would be seme. That social reject would never top him. A grin of pure evil spread across his face as he imagined L, so fragile and pale, panting and moaning beneath him, begging Kira to penetrate him. There was something girlish and weak about the guy. Yes, that was a satisfying image even with his heterosexuality entirely intact, and once Light was under the effects of the note, it would be positively intoxicating.

Yes, if Light and L were in love, Light's crazy plan of investigating alongside L until he got his death note back would have a better chance of working, and even if that plan failed, there would be a back-up plan to save him from execution and maybe, just maybe, allow him to continue to operate as Kira.

"Okay," Light said, "Carminious, I would like you to follow me until I meet with a man I'll call Ryuzaki, and then I want you to look at his true name and write down both our names to fall in love immediately."

Ryuk went into a chuckling fit and seemed unable to come out of it.

Carminious said, "I'm not your little slave, human. If you want me to make you and this 'Ryuzaki' fall in love, you'll have to pay me the same way you pay Ryuk."

"With apples?"

"No, with perfume."

Light said, "My mother and sister have plenty of perfume stashed in the bathroom. I can give it all to you."

"Oh, no," Carminious said, "that isn't how it works. You can't give me perfume. You see, I'm constantly needing to go through walls and things, and the perfume just comes off the moment I dematerialize. If I'm going to follow a human and do their bidding for even a short time, I need THEM to wear perfume. Preferably at least half a bottle at any particular time. If the scent starts fading, I'm gone!"

Light gritted his teeth in irritation. Well, this wasn't much of a price to pay for such a good plan. He went into the bathroom and began digging through the drawers of the vanity. In less than a minute, he'd found three bottles of perfume that weren't too offensive. He unscrewed the top of one and dumped the entire contents on the front of his shirt, then stashed the other two in his pocket. A choking stench arose from his shirt and made his eyes water. Carminious leaned over, sniffing like a crazed dog, his face a picture of bliss, just like when Ryuk ate apples.

Ryuk smirked at the sight of Carminious with his nose practically buried in Light's shoulder and said, "Oh, Light, you smell lovely."

Light scowled. "Shut up, Ryuk."

Light could not sleep with so much at stake, let alone the unbearable intensity of the smell soaking him, so he continued to pace in his room for the next several hours until Rem came. By then, it was four in the morning, and with two death gods to keep watch, it wasn't at all difficult to sneak out of the house, right past the guy watching it and continuing on to a secret spot in the woods.

With Carminious hovering nearby in his shimmering, glittery pink-and-red pantsuit, Light exchanged the death notes so that each shinigami was attached to the opposite note as before, then sent Rem on her way with instructions to find a greedy corporate type as the scapegoat Kira. As soon as Rem was gone, Light began explaining to Ryuk his plan to give up memories of the death note while in captivity.

Carminious said, "You'll forget about me too, when you give up your death note. But, when the memories return, you'll remember me as well."

Light said, "That will make things easier. I don't think I would have let out such a ridiculous story anyway, but if I remembered about romance notes I might suspect myself too much while my memories are gone, and that wouldn't be good. I need to be as innocent as possible for L."

Light smiled in an evil way to himself, thinking about how thoroughly he would get under L's skin and upset L's plans. He'd be so innocent and cute, and L would have the force of destiny working against him. This time, it wouldn't be L surprising him with an unexpected move and throwing him off balance, like that trick of L admitting his identity at the University opening ceremonies. No, this time Light would have an unexpected plan that would come out of nowhere and hit L like a ton of bricks.

Just then, Carminious said, "I think the smell is fading. You'd best reapply now, or I might go away."

Light groaned, got another bottle of perfume out of his pocket, and dumped half of it on himself.
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