Alone In A Crowded Room

Shoulders hunched, eyes downcast, and his feet dragged across the tiles. The noise was inaudible in the crowded hallway. This was his life. He was nobody. He was Matthew, but no one knew that. If he was lucky, he was ‘Alfred’s brother.’ And if he wasn’t lucky….

Alfred…. Matthew loved his brother. But his brother was never very observant. And Matthew couldn’t bring to tell his brother about his tormentors. Alfred was the most popular guy in school, and Matthew was invisible.

Alfred was on the football team. He was kind, and funny. Everybody loved him. Matthew hated how petty he felt. He envied his brother and hated his own life. With all the teasing, with how weak he was… How could he possibly be happy?

That didn’t change the fact that Alfred had always been good to him. He didn’t even make him do his homework. Sure, he asked for help, but academics weren’t really his brother’s strong suit.

They might be twins, but they couldn’t be more different. They might look alike, but that didn’t make him any less invisible. That didn’t stop people from knocking him down in the middle of the hallway. That didn’t stop those poison laced words.

Alfred had always told him that he could sit with him at lunch anytime he wanted. In fact, Alfred encouraged it. But he didn’t belong there. Matthew knew it. And what was worse was that everyone else knew it.

Matthew didn’t really have any friends. No one really wanted to be friends with him. He was a social outcast to the social outcasts.

All the cool kids knew what a screwup he was. And everyone else was afraid to be friends with him, because Alfred has always been overprotective. He stuck inbetween. He doesn’t fit in with his twin brother’s friends, and everyone else is too afraid of messing up.

His only friend is his older brother. And he jealous of him. His situation almost made him want to cry. But that was for when no one could see him. Not that anyone would take note if he sat down in the middle of the hall and started to sob.

He finally made it to his next class and slumped down into his seat. He survived another five minutes alone with his own thoughts. He just wanted the day to end so he could get to band practice. That was the only thing in his life that he couldn’t complain about. He loved everything about it. The smell of the shiny brass instruments, the sound of the rustling music sheets… It was just the perfect mixture of peace and chaos. It was his little slice of heaven.

He slumped further into his seat as if the bullies could sense his geekish thoughts from a mile away and would commence the beatdown regardless of the teacher sitting behind his desk, patiently grading papers.

He nearly jumped when the bell screeched louder than he had remembered. Just one more class, and then he’d have to deal with the worst part of the day. Then he’d have to sit all alone in that huge lunchroom.

Maybe he’d summon up the courage to sit next to Alfred today. Or maybe he’d chicken out and sit next to Toris and his friends again. At least Toris wasn’t mean like all the others.

Maybe Toris wouldn’t even deny knowing him like all the others. And his friend’s were nice enough. He didn’t normally sit with them because for some reason, Ivan, the russian foreign exchange student seemed to take an interest in them. He was on the football team with Alfred, and he was always smiling. But something seemed a little off with him.

He was over six feet tall, and had a large build. On more than one occasion during a game, someone had seen Ivan coming at them and had just ran the other way. There was talk that he was some kind of demon, but when mentioned to Alfred he just laughed.

‘What, Ivan?’ he had looked up as if thinking for a moment, ‘He’s a nice enough guy. I don’t hang out with him a lot, but it’s only ‘cause I have a hard time understanding him with that heavy accent. His english isn’t the best. I think it’s why people misunderstand him so often…’

Though even Matthew knew that Alfred was being naïve. He knew that it was more than that, because the the look on Raivis’ face whenever Ivan started walking across that room. The way that Toris’ breathing changed.

Matthew did have to admit, no matter how ashamed he was… That he even envied Ivan. He was confident. He never had anyone bothering him. He at least had enough strength to protect himself. Even if he did misuse that power of his.

Though that smile did give him chills. As if when he looked at Ivan… Like he wasn’t doing it right. Like he didn’t even know how to smile. It was unnerving.

Matthew sighed. He had the demeanor of a bunny rabbit, so it didn’t actually take much to unnerve him. He was so made at himself for judging another person like that. He couldn’t even pretend to understand Ivan, because he was too much of a coward to want to.

He had seen bruises on the other students enough to know that Ivan was dangerous. Most even claimed that he was unstable. And frankly it wouldn’t really surprised Matthew that much. But it did cause him to worry about his brother. Alfred was very nice. If Ivan wanted, Matthew was afraid he would eat Alfred alive.

And there wouldn’t be a thing Matthew could do with this weak body of his. His body was so weak that he was catching colds every other week. Ivan was probably never sick a day in his life. Or at least since he transferred. Ivan’s victims could probably tell you that much…

The next time the bell rang Matthew actually knocked his books off the table. His stomach sank when he realized that he hadn’t heard a single word out of the lesson. And he couldn’t exactly asked the teacher what he missed. He gave a small pitiful whimper before putting up his books and heading out the classroom door.

He decided that he would indeed sit next to Toris today. He knew how he looked when he sat alone and he didn’t want his brother to worry. He sat his tray down barely noted the clacking sound it made against the cheap table.

Matthew didn’t say anything even when he noticed the lovestuck look on Toris’ face when he looked at Feliks. The only male member of the cheerleading squad. Probably the only in history that got away with wearing drag.

That was another reason that Matthew liked to sit with Toris. Because he knew that he had a very important secret in common with him. Even if Toris hadn’t noticed. But Matthew didn’t have anyone he wanted to fawn over.

He didn’t bother looking. Who would want to spend time with Matthew period. He couldn’t think of anyone who wanted to go to the movies let alone…. Kiss him. Hold him. LOVE him. It seemed depressing just thinking about it.

“So, how was work yesterday?” Matthew asked casually. Toris would never live it down if someone with a loud mouth saw the look he was giving Feliks.

Toris gave an fullbody shiver, “It was horrible. I was just doing some dusting. The library gets so full of it after vacations, because you know they don’t trust me not to steal anything if they’re away. And than Natalia came up to me, and she was holding a kitchen knife. She was asking me about the weather and she kept getting closer, and she was like stroking the blade on the knife. I never thought I’d be glad for Ivan getting home, but she was giggling excitedly and threw the knife and ran off to meet him. I thought I was going to have a heart-attack.” Toris was clutching his chest to emphasize his point.

Matthew had no idea why Toris kept his job as a housekeeper at the ‘House of Hell’. Toris kept insisting that it paid really well, and when he had accepted he had no idea whose house he would he working at. He almost had the impression that Ivan might take it personally if he had decided to quit. And the Russian was quite terrifying when he took things personally.

“Hey Matty!” Matthew nearly jumped out of his skin when Alfred had rested his strong arms on his shoulders, “Just coming to check up on you. You know Mom’s been really worried about you. And when Mom worries about you I worry about you, and when I worry about you Dad worries about you. And when Dad worries about you Grandma worries about you. And when Grandma-“

“I get it Al,” Matthew doesn’t often interrupt his brother, but he had gotten the point already, “They don’t have to Al. I’m fine. Just haven’t been getting much sleep lately.”

“Huh? Have you been having nightmares again? If you get scared again you can always sleep in my room like you did when we were little,” Alfred never really put much thought into what he said.

And now Matthew was embarassed. At least he knew no one at this table would tell anyone what Alfred had said, “No, I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind. It’s nothing to worry about, really…” Matthew insisted.

“Well, okay. I was actually coming over to ask you a favor,” Alfred smiled at his precious baby brother.

“Okay,” Matthew was ready to listen, but not ready to accept. Alfred was a great guy, but he had some pretty weird ideas in that head of his.

“Well, you know how if you don’t pass you don’t play,” Alfred had the cutest pout on his face. This was how he asked for homework help.

“Yeah, yeah,” Matthew started moving his food around on his tray. It’s not like he could say no anyway. The whole school would be mad, and so would his parents. Not that he didn’t want to help his brother. Sometimes it just got a little frustrating, “I’ll help.”

“Really?!” Alfred actually sounded a little surprised, “I just knew you would! You always come through for me. After all, we might not win the championship without him,” He saw the surprised look on Matthew’s face, “Oh, that’s so cute Matty. Big brother’s good, but he can’t win the championship all by himself.”

Matthew had the urge to his head on the the table from his brother’s statement, but his dread was getting the better of him. He was awkward around everyone. He was awkward around the people who knew him his entire life. He thought that he was just going to help Alfred again. He was supposed to teach someone. Someone who would probably be judging every move he made. Someone who could beat him up at any second.

“He’ll be so happy. He told me that he didn’t think you’d want to. I told him, ‘No. Matty’s a good kid. If you need help, I’m sure he’d be happy to.’ He said, ‘Are you sure?’ And then I said, ‘Yeah, why wouldn’t he? In fact, why don’t I go ask him now? You wait here, I’ll be right back.’ And then sure enough when I got here you offered no questions asked. What a good little brother I have. Mom’s gotta be so proud of you,” Alfred droned on and on. Matthew was too busy having a mental breakdown to stop him this time.

Matthew could feel his throat dry up. He wanted to ask who he was supposed to be helping, but he didn’t really care. Whoever it was, it was going to be terrible, and he’ll be eager for it to be over.

“Oh, wait, that’s right. I told him that I would be right back. I’ll go tell him. Thanks again, Matty,” Alfred waved and turned around. He took a few paces before he turned looked back, “Wait… You can understand Ivan through his accent, right? Oh, well. You’ll figure it out. I got faith in you Matty.”

Matthew could almost feel his heart sink as he watched his brother walk away. He held back tears that he was sure would come. He could feel some kind of panic attack coming on. The road to hell was paved with good intentions. And Alfred might have just killed him.

A/N: I'm not sure why it was, but it got deleted. (Maybe 'cause I got so busy I didn't update) But I'm reposting it. Enjoy. <3