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Miracle Springs	By : sashocirrione Category: Death Note > Het-Male/Female Views: 2112 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 1-Chapter 1
- 2-Chapter 2
- 1
- 2
Title: "Miracle Springs"
Author: Sashocirrione
Spoilers: MAJOR Spoilers for everything up to nearly the end of the entire series.
Warnings: NO UNDERAGE READERS. Rated M for a reason. Sexual activities.
Summary: Mikami and Sayu have an accidental meeting at a mixed-gender hot springs, and things get very heated and a little insane. Creepy and sad.
Pairings: MikamixSayu and maybe a very slight MatsudaxSayu
Additional Notes: All canon events previous to this have happened as normal, except that Mikami somehow knows Light's name before the Yellow Box (perhaps he did unauthorized research?). Sayu is 20 years old by the time Mikami becomes part of the Death Note storyline, so in this fic Sayu is NOT underage (and Mikami is 27). The specific hot springs noted here are entirely fictional.
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.
CHAPTER 1
Sayu had stopped talking entirely months ago. Something inside her just wanted to break, but perhaps there was nothing left to break. Everything within was already broken. It felt as if her mind existed in several pieces that couldn't quite connect with each other, her consciousness detached.
She wanted to cry and scream at the top of her lungs about how unfair it had been. She desired to kick things and drive her fists into a wall again and again. She wanted to do it badly enough that she often felt a kind of disbelief that she wasn't doing it.
But, instead, she did nothing at all. She stared into space. Her mother and the nurse that had been hired were the ones who spoon-fed her when she ate. She sat in a wheelchair most of the day even though she was perfectly capable of walking. And she considered it a kind of minor miracle, born of embarrassment and sheer force of will, that she was able to go to the bathroom by herself instead of wearing a diaper.
Every action she took, no matter how small, was a fierce mental battle. She was tired from fighting. Each day it was a strength-draining effort to not sink even further into a passive state.
They tried all sorts of treatments, of course. There were always plenty of psychiatrists and doctors to visit. Sometimes they sent her to homes for the rich mentally ill, secluded mansions where attendants fussed over your every need all day and where they often took you outside on visits into the most beautiful gardens imaginable. They were supposed to be places to rest and gather mental strength, but Sayu never lasted more than two or three days.
It just didn't feel like home without her mother, and she'd lapse into constant moaning and fidgeting, and she'd eventually give herself a fever from sheer worry. They'd send her back home every time. Home, where she belonged, where she had the feeling that if she just tried harder to care, the pieces of her mind would come together and start healing. But did she want to heal? That was a tricky question.
Sayu remembered the exact moment when everything had begun to fall apart inside. It had been during the kidnapping. Mello had been a gentleman, surprisingly protective, and he didn't let his underlings touch her, though she guessed from their lecherous glances what they might do if they weren't restrained by orders. Mello had only slipped up once, and he'd probably never realized it.
No, they hadn't raped her, nothing like that.
It was words that had destroyed her mind, nothing else, only words. The moment was from an overheard conversation. Sayu remembered the terrified thoughts running through her head as she heard, by pressing her ear against the wall, the most horrifying thing imaginable. Kira had to be a member of the task force, and there were good reasons given as to why.
Knowing that Kira was part of the task force, Sayu had first thought of her father on that team and her brother. They were both in terrible danger. Kira had infiltrated their organization and was surely planning to strike soon. Light and her father would both die.
But she'd had many hours to herself, to think over what she'd heard, and it didn't make sense. She picked at the little holes in it, trying to figure it out. If Kira had infiltrated the investigation team, then why wasn't everyone already dead? From Kira's perspective, they'd all need to die at the same time, or any survivors would act against Kira.
Yes, why weren't they already dead? She could only come up with one reason. Kira obviously faced a choice between killing everyone else on the team or killing nobody on the team, an all or nothing choice, and maybe Kira was reluctant to kill someone else who was on the team with him.
Why would Kira feel like that? Wasn't Kira a remorseless murderer, someone who took out any cops who got in his way without a second thought? That trail of thinking had led her to her father and brother. If Kira had any human feelings left in him, he'd be reluctant to kill a family member. Two people in the same family on the Kira task force, with one of those two being Kira, that would solve the puzzle.
The thought of her father being Kira was so ridiculous she'd dismissed it immediately.
But Light had been a different matter.
As soon as the speculation of Light being Kira had entered her head, it had made so much sense it was scary. Light had changed his personality just when Kira first appeared and there had been so many mysterious habits he'd picked up then. Light was smart enough to work alongside those investigating Kira without revealing himself as Kira, wasn't he? Almost nobody could be that smart, but Light was. Yes, he was exactly that smart.
And then there had been more details pouring into her mind, all sorts of little things that just matched up perfectly, leaving her chest constricted, her brain in a whirl, her fingernails digging into her palms so hard they bled.
And then her father had come to that nasty underground place, and traded for her life as she shivered behind a glass wall with a gun pointed at her. He had traded away a notebook that could kill people just by writing down their names, and with that display of a mafia member using the notebook to kill a man in front of her on Mello's phoned orders, Sayu understood how Kira's power worked. She knew the secret.
She'd gotten a good look at that notebook as it was passed over to the criminals. It was slim and black, and she thought she might have seen the top of a notebook just like that barely sticking out of Light's backpack years ago, precisely when the Kira killings had started, but surely her memory wasn't so good as to be reliable about something like that.
No, it had to be a mistake, a silly delusion of hers created from all the stress of being a hostage.
But then she'd remembered another notebook that had looked very similar, if her memory was correct. This one had been unobtrusively held in the hands of Misa Amane the first time she'd ever appeared at the Yagami household, when she'd claimed to be a classmate of Light's who was returning a notebook to him. But Sayu had seen the notebook across half the distance of a darkened yard at night, so perhaps she was mistaken. Many notebooks looked slim, and perhaps they all looked black in the dark, and certainly there were many black, slim notebooks in the world that had no power to kill anyone.
But Misa Amane was never a college student and certainly hadn't been one at that time. Though that first visit had been just when the second Kira had been sending out videos trying to meet the true Kira, and Misa absolutely adored Light, and Misa was a strong Kira supporter, and shouldn't the Kira task force be worried about one of their members having a Kira supporter as a long-term live-in girlfriend?
There had to be another explanation for the two notebooks that Sayu had only gotten the slightest glimpses of and had never really paid any attention to.
Just thinking about it, she could feel it inside her. Insanity was swirling in her brain. She'd somehow made all this up, implanted the clues in her memory, and completely lost her mind.
She didn't trust herself to say anything, so she had said nothing when she was passed over to the custody of her father. She only fell into his arms and softly sobbed into his shoulder. Thankfully, he didn't seem to expect anything else from her at first, so she was able to not say a word while she gave herself a little more time to think over everything so she could realize the real truth, the kind of truth where Light was not a murderer at all and everything would quickly go back to normal.
Her father soon began to ask her questions, though, and his face looked more and more concerned when she said nothing in response. Her throat closed up every time she attempted to mumble even as little as one word in response, and that made her burn with shame, the humiliating fact that she couldn't even say something like, "I'm fine," or "Thanks for rescuing me," or "I love you, Dad," or anything else that would ease the worried look on his face.
Instead of talking, she patted his hand and smiled at him to try to show him that she was fine, that she would be fine soon. In return, he lessened his attempts to get her to talk and gave her a little more quiet and leeway, extending through the long plane ride back to Japan.
That gave her hours to attempt to pull her thoughts back together to form a world that she could live in, along with a few hours of refreshing sleep on the reclined plane seat, but the world only seemed to get more distant from her as the time piled up.
And then all her time was gone and she was home again and they were demanding that she say something. Her father, her mother, they became painful voices, pulling at her. She turned away from them, staring at walls and ceilings. Sayu couldn't get a single word out of her treacherous throat.
Even Matsuda had come to try to interview her about the kidnapping, and he looked so earnest and concerned and shy that her throat almost opened enough for her to talk. She had taken a deep breath and actually expected that she was about to say something, but then her throat had closed again before she could speak.
That had been months ago. Sayu rarely moved much any more, the world getting fuzzy and slow around her. It hurt to pay attention to it. She was only motivated enough to walk when the needs of her bladder or her bowel became too much to bear, and then she remembered her determination to never wear diapers and somehow made it to the bathroom on her own.
Doctors had told her mother that it would be good for Sayu to go outside, to go into public places and to stores and to be around people. That was when the wheelchair had first appeared, a few weeks after the kidnapping, and Sayu still wouldn't take a step outside on her own, but if someone prodded her and insisted loudly, she'd get just enough energy to climb into the wheelchair.
And then, her mother or her nurse would push her, so many places, colors and landscapes flowing past her, men and women and children and cars and buildings and sidewalks. In the air around her were words and at times even music. It was all the same. All of it consisted merely of things that went past Sayu and did not grab her attention.
Sometimes she wanted to tell them. She could feel the words in her throat, ready to come out.
"Light could be Kira. Light is almost certainly Kira. I know things that make it seem as if Light is Kira, please explain them, please tell me what they really mean; please; please; please."
But her throat closed up and the words died every single time.
She couldn't say them. She couldn't say anything.
It was hopeless, hopeless, hopeless. If L couldn't catch Kira, if all the detectives who worked alongside Light couldn't catch Kira, if her own father had never noticed Light being Kira, then what good would it do to say anything? It would sound exactly like the ravings of a lunatic, and even if someone did pay attention, that person would end up dead as soon as they began to act on Sayu's tips, so it would still be true that no progress would be made. The only thing that could possibly happen would be more dead people.
There was no point to saying anything because nothing would be improved by it, and because it really would be the ravings of a lunatic.
Sayu knew she was wrong in her delusions. The insane were always wrong, and she was certainly insane.
And then her father died and she wondered if Light had done it and her throat was more tightly closed than ever before, so tight that she sometimes thought the air must stop flowing in and out of her lungs.
She couldn't look Light in the eye any more. She couldn't look anyone in the eye after her father died. On those rare times when someone would grab her attention, her gaze would invariably fasten on their chin or their forehead.
Sayu knew it was her fault for never saying anything, and yet she also knew that everything she suspected about Light was a complete lie, a sickness that had infected her mind and made her daily life into an impossible series of tasks.
Sayu did not believe she could get better. But they never gave up on trying different treatments, and that is how they even ended up looking for miracles.
One day, Sayu's mother told her that a decision had been made to send her to Kiseki Shinsei Springs, nicknamed "Miracle Springs" for all the miraculous healings that supposedly took place there.
Sayu did not pay much attention as her mother spoke to her about all the people who had bathed in Miracle Springs and had been cured on the spot of serious illnesses such as cancer or schizophrenia. Bits and pieces of the stories worked their way into Sayu's mind, in the fragmented way that the outside world tended to impinge on Sayu's consciousness, but she did not know any single story from start to finish.
It did not really matter if she didn't know the stories. They were likely due to selective retelling and the placebo effect and just plain lies.
Sayu had the impression that her mother considered Miracle Springs the last chance for a cure. Sayu was sure it would be yet another disappointment and wondered who had convinced her mother to try something so unorthodox.
Sayu knew it was an odd choice for a few different reasons. One was that her family wasn't very religious. Another was that it was a mixed-gender hot springs, without any divider to separate the males and females. Though holy sites were a little different than any ordinary springs, it was normally true that young women avoided mixed-gender springs, because of the risk of sexual harassment, even if it was just in the form of stares.
Everyone knew that mixed-gender hot springs were usually full of men, with just a few unattractive or old women who were completely outnumbered by the males.
Sayu ended up being taken to Miracle Springs by her nurse alone. Her mother was sick on that day, but a great sum of non-refundable money had already been paid to reserve a place for Sayu, and so Sayu was sent there with only the nurse for company and protection.
Sayu was first wheeled into the nearby shrine so she could receive a blessing and hear the myth of how the spring's miraculous powers were first discovered.
She barely heard the shrine maiden reciting the legend in a well-practiced voice. It was something about a snake and a fox and a clay pot and a precious gift promised to all humankind. The bits Sayu did hear sounded like extremely generic folklore. Sayu's mind kept drifting off in the middle of sentences, getting lost in the incredible ornate woodwork of the roof. It was warm and stuffy and the air smelled of incense.
Very few of those who attended the service also traveled out back, where there was a maze-like stone building that was a combined changing and purifying area, and then beyond that a series of wide stone steps gradually sank into the earth, disappearing into a bank of thick, white fog.
Dim shapes of bathers were already out there, barely discernable through the mist that hugged close to the surface of the waters.
A fragment of something Sayu had been told before, but had paid no attention to at the time, suddenly popped into her head. It was something about how the bathing area was considerably downstream from the source of the springs, and that where the springs spewed from the earth the waters were hot enough to scald both skin and flesh right off your bones.
The nurse had previously stripped Sayu nude, though she'd been barely aware of it at the time, and the nurse was now pushing the wheelchair as close to the edge as it was possible to be and still get out.
Sayu watched as an old man, completely naked, wandered past her without a glance and waded away. The water was milky-white with its high load of minerals and the white fog started just above it, whiteness upon whiteness without a clear boundary between them.
The old man became a gray shape that barely seemed human, and then that shape wavered, twisted, and was entirely indiscernible. It was like disappearing into a supernatural, otherworldly realm. White above and white below, directionless, misty.
No wonder it had inspired legends.
Sayu realized that her thoughts were running more clearly than was usual. Her thinking was unmistakably more linear, not the chaotic mess of scattered fragments that it had been for so long. Paying attention wasn't as difficult as it used to be. Her breathing was fast and hard.
She was frightened of Miracle Springs, of what might happen after she disappeared into it.
Her nurse was trying to urge her up, out of the wheelchair. Sayu swatted at the wrinkled hand being presented to her and stared down, looking between the pale points of her knees to see that unnatural-looking water flowing along the stone steps.
It would surely take her in and devour her. She wasn't ready for it.
She tried to calm her breathing. Perhaps religion was her only hope now. The psychiatrists and the doctors had completely failed.
Religion was everyone's desperate last stand, wasn't it? If you couldn't find the answers, if the pain wouldn't stop, if you wanted to be doing things differently but you didn't know how and nothing else worked, at last you would find yourself, beaten and broken, dragging your sorry carcass off to see what religion could do for you.
Sayu smiled a small, bitter smile, and she felt the dry edges of her lips crack at the unfamiliar movement.
Life wasn't fair. Not when a facial expression could hurt, or when chasing a miracle was the only chance left.
Somehow, somehow, she was letting her nurse take her hand, pulling her out of the wheelchair and leading her to the waters. Sayu's foot went in. It was shockingly warm, warmer than bathwater but not too hot to endure it.
Bit by bit, almost unbelieving that she was moving forward, Sayu went down the stone steps, with the water rising to her knees, then her thighs, then her waist. It was like an immensely warm, enfolding embrace; not as terrifying as she had expected, though it still scared her. All around, on every side, the blankness was positively unsettling. The mist confused her sense of direction, baffling her about the way back, and an irrational belief was growing inside her that the springs must go on forever like this.
Her nurse led Sayu slowly. The water had a current, but it was weak; it never felt as if it would knock Sayu off her feet. And the bottom was mostly-smooth bedrock, dipping down here and there but never with a change in elevation enough to trip her.
There were other figures they passed in the mists, but the nurse led Sayu around them, so that they never fully resolved. Even sound seemed muffled, the reciting of prayers from numerous directions muted and odd.
Sayu's nurse stopped near a rock outcropping that protruded above the water and let go of Sayu's hand, moving slightly away with a watchful expression.
Sayu wondered what she was supposed to do. To continue standing? To crouch down and let the water come up to her neck? To splash to water over herself? To think prayers inside her mind?
Something made her want to try her voice, though, to see if she could speak. If there were a time and place when it might work, it would be here. She was breathing fast. She felt as if she could do it.
And then a grayish thing resolved out of the fog, and continued moving in Sayu's general direction. Sayu thought the person would pass by her left, but then realized she had either misjudged or the person's course had changed. The grayish thing was getting very close. And then features suddenly materialized, of a young man with a lean yet muscled physique, long black hair to his shoulders framing his haughty face and distracted eyes.
She was standing there bare-breasted, but the water gave them both modesty from the hips down. She was fairly sure that he was bending his knees to sink lower in the water to give his private area that concealment. He had the look of someone who was taller than he presently seemed to be in the water.
He glanced her way as if bored and about to glance away, but then his eyes rose up, looking over her head, and his face completely changed in an instant, odd, feverish, almost glowing with some fierce emotion Sayu couldn't identify.
Words spilled from his mouth.
"God's sister!"
A/N (Author's Note):
This fic is kind of a Sayu character study, a possible behind-the-scenes glimpse at what was wrong with Sayu to make her go nearly catatonic, and is also a fill for a request on the dn_kink meme.
The request was: "Mikami and Sayu, in a mixed-gender hot springs."
I've only seen maybe two MikamixSayu fics before, so this is a very rare pairing. I'm not sure if it has any fans, but here it is anyway. I like to write weird pairings; I can't seem to resist trying to make them work.
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Miracle Springs