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What I\'ve Done	By : jessimaxwell Category: +S to Z > Tsubasa Views: 1396 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa, I don't make money off it. Sorrow.

Chapter List
- 1-What I've Done
- 1
What I've Done

Written by Jezz-Ra

Warnings - Not all warnings apply to all chapters. Violence, Language, Angst, Death

Disclaimer - I don't own Tsubasa or anything CLAMP related, don't make money off it. Wish I did.

Challenge - Written for Mikkeneko's Angst/Fluff Olympics - Team Angst. Prompt - Sleep Deprivation.
My other stories can be found under my author profile at any of my archive sites.

Archived at - jezz-ra. livejournal. com, adultfanfiction. net, fanfiction. net, and mediaminer. org

Questions or Comments? Email me at megami _ no _ remon @ hotmail. com ((remove spaces))
// Blah // indicates thoughts.
A/N - Well, here's my submission for Team Angst for the TRC Angst/Fluff Olympics. I haven't written a really dark story for a while, so I'm a little rusty. Bear with me. This is set post-series, mostly because I...didn't know what to do with Sakura during all this?... This didn't end up going where I had originally intended - I didn't have the time to build up the massive plotline I had originally scripted. And I feel this is horribly incompetent to follow konnichipuu's fabulous fic, but here's my entry anyway.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

So let mercy come

And wash away

What I've done

I'll face myself

To cross out what I've become

Erase myself

And let go of what I've done

~ What I've Done, Linkin Park

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
"Fai, you really need to get some rest or you're never going to get better," Syaoran said softly. He didn't expect his words to have any more result than they'd had the previous several attempts, however. He hadn't seen the mage sleep in the better part of a week, and what had started out as a simple bout of the flu had gotten worse. Fai's eyes were glassy and his face was hot and flushed from fever.
"Don't worry about me," the mage snapped, making no effort to curb the sharpness of his tone or the dark look on his face. Some distant voice whispered in the back of his head that this wasn't fair to Syaoran, the kid was just worried about him...but maybe that was part of why he felt so antagonistic about it.
He didn't deserve Syaoran's caring or concern.
He didn't deserve ANYONE'S concern, and couldn't understand how the boy was being so..so NICE. Maybe it was a front until they could figure out what to do with him.
"I'm going out," Fai announced, sitting up and swinging his legs out of bed. He ignored the dizzy rush to his head as the world titled crazily around him. He paused for a moment to rub at his eyes in a vain attempt to ease the heavy ache behind them.
Syaoran's frown deepened and a faint line of determination creased his brow as he slowly moved between the mage and the door. "You need to rest. You aren't well, Fai. And there's no where to go, really, anyway." Syaoran hesitated before continuing. "This is the only place Kurogane cleaned up. He should be back soon. Besides, it looks like it's going to storm."
Kurogane. Oh, no. Fai didn't want to see him right now. He wanted to get out of here for a while. The mage bared his teeth in something close to a snarl as he strode forward, the look so angry and feral and just completely out of character that it set Syaoran back on his heels. "Get out of my way or I will move you out of my way. I can take care of my damned self. It's not like there's anything left out there to hurt me."
Syaoran sighed and stepped aside. Concerned though he was for his friend, he didn't want to make the effort to force him back into bed. Even though his body had been weakened by fever, lack of sleep and improper eating, Syaoran wanted to avoid a fight. He could almost feel Fai's tremendous power crackling just below the surface, seething, roiling to escape like chained lightning. The boy was truly afraid that if he confronted Fai, in the mage's current less than lucid state, Fai may well unleash that power without any thought of constraint. No, a delusional mage of Fai's caliber was definitely not on his list of desired confrontations.
Besides, Fai had one valid point - Syaoran hadn't seen anything move in about two days. The only thing around here that could possibly hurt the mage was his own illness. He'd just have to send Kurogane out to get him later and hope for the best.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Fai walked slowly down the cobblestone-paved street in the village, his eyes downcast. Overhead, the sky was starting to be overtaken with angry purple-black clouds, and he could hear the distant rumble of thunder. An erratic breeze had picked up, winding between the small clay-brick houses and whipping his hair around his face. Fai made no effort to restrain it, concentrating on moving one foot in front of the other. Every part of his body just felt so heavy and leaden. He had never felt so exhausted in his life...but he knew if he gave in and tried to sleep, he'd end up like the last couple attempts....plagued by vicious nightmares until he woke up screaming.
The mage was in something of a daze by the time he reached town square and was jerked back to reality as his shuffling feet bumped into something solid. He jolted and skittered back a step, inhaling sharply and almost gagging on the sickly sweet scent of death. A noise caught somewhere between a low whine and a sob escaped his throat, but he couldn't keep himself from looking.
All around the square lay the bloated corpses of the villagers, sprawled out in the street wherever they had fallen. It hadn't been that way a few days prior, of course - at first, the survivors had been taking care of their dead, bringing them to a mass grave outside the village itself. But now, a mere couple days later, there were no more survivors to take care of the dead. Even the animals were nowhere to be found - if they had survived, their instincts were warning them to steer clear. As far as the mage knew, he was one of the only living things left in all this world.
Fai felt tears running unchecked down his cheeks, but made no move to wipe them away. His heart was twisted and he felt something in his head screaming wildly, a lunatic wail of pain and grief and guilt. Slowly, he picked his way through the square until he reached the village Elder's house, doing his best to ignore the voices in his head, the voices that hissed and whispered sibilant words of blame.
// Cursed. This is all your fault. //
Fai forcibly pushed it down and entered the house. The Elder's daughter had died in the kitchen. Bitter, choking sobs tore their way free as Fai stumbled over next to her. A week ago, her eyes hadn't had that horrible film over them... her neck and face hadn't been swollen, the skin a nasty, bruised black and yellow. Traces of blood hadn't been visible running from her mouth.
She had been so lively and sweet and kind, enthralled by Fai, Kurogane, Syaoran and Mokona. The four of them had eaten dinner in this very kitchen and talked well into the night with her and her father after arriving on this world. This girl had taken personal care of them all, showing them around town and bringing them things to eat, even fussing over Fai's cold despite his protests.
She was heavier than Fai had thought she would be. Or maybe he was just too weak right now. Either way, he carefully lifted her onto a blanket he had taken from the other room. It was a bit of a feat to wrap her in it and even more to lift her stiff body, but he was bound and determined to at least take her out and give her a proper burial.
It was the least he could do after killing her.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"But Kuro-rinnn, it looks so GOOD!" Fai half-whined, half-cajoled, grabbing on to the back of the ninja's shirt stubbornly. "Just look at it! Can't you hear it calling you?"
Kurogane glanced at the display of baked goods in the little bakery / restaurant's window. He had to admit, they DID look rather good. He tried to think of a time Fai had insisted they stop someplace for food and failed. But that didn't mean he was going to give in so easily. "Not over all your whining, I can't. Idiot."
Fai flounced over next to Syaoran with a dramatic pout. "Syaoran, Kuro-tan's being mean to me!"
"I'm not being mean, but we're about to head out of h--" Kurogane's words got muffled as Mokona launched herself at his face and clung there.
"Kuro-daddy needs to stop here, because Mokona is hungry! Your children are starving! And what about Fai-mommy?!"
A low growl emanated from Kurogane as he tore Mokona free of his face, refusing to wince as she came free of her surprisingly strong grip on his ears. "Dammit, pork bun, you said we were going to leave tomorrow, as soon as we got out of town. We shouldn't wait around here. We can get something when we land on the next world. Besides, the girl running that place looks like she has a cold."
Fai laughed and waved dismissively in Kurogane's direction. "I haven't caught a cold in almost twenty years, Kuro-puu, although I think it's sweet that you're worried about me. Besides, we won't actually be leaving until tomorrow, and who knows where we'll end up or if they have food there?"
"We have supplies."
Fai laughed and ignored Kurogane, heading into the building with Mokona perched on his shoulder. Syaoran gave Kurogane a helpless shrug and half a smile before following him in.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
The next morning, Fai woke up sneezing. He sat up with a low groan and clutched at his head, which felt like it was stuffed full of cotton and far too hot. Bleary blue eyes drifted across their little campsite to lock on Kurogane. Kurogane was leaning against a tree and smirking darkly in victory.
"And just what is so amusing, Kurogane?" Fai mumbled as he sat up.
"I did warn you that we shouldn't go in that shop."
Fai sneezed again. "Hmph...its not like you to gloat, Kuro-rin."
"This is entirely your own fault. Maybe you should listen once in a while, Mr. look at me, I haven't had a cold in twenty years."
Fai let out a huff, hating the nasal quality his voice was taking on. "For that, you can damn well sleep on the couch tonight."
Kurogane stared at Fai before letting out a growl. "Couch! And just what did I do t--....we don't have a couch! We don't even have a house! And you don't get to dictate to me where I sleep anyway! Its not like we--..." The warrior trailed off, aware that he was a little red himself now, and he quickly turned his gaze away from Fai.
It was too late. Fai pounced on the opportunity.   "Oh?...Like we what?"
"Shut up, idiot mage. And here I thought being sick might make you stop talking for a bit."
"My, my, if only I knew what was going on in your head, Kuro-tan! What sort of thoughts are you having about me, mm?"
Kurogane growled and did not deign to respond further. Fai would normally have been a bit more relentless in his teasing, but another round of sneezing distracted him. Besides, Syaoran was waking up now too, and much as the mage liked to tease the taciturn ninja, he generally avoided doing so in front of Syaoran. It wouldn't do to traumatize the boy after all. Much.
They had their camp cleaned up within a few minutes. After they were all dressed and ready to go, Mokona transported them to their next world.
Fai loved it immediately. They had landed in a field of white and gold flowers not far from a small village. The town couldn't quite be called primitive, but they had surely not been introduced to any forms of higher technology. The homes were all slightly rounded and built out of clay bricks with thatched grass roofs. Birds swooped in small, brightly colored flocks overhead. Everything seemed so lush and vibrant.
They gained the immediate attention of the townsfolk as well, having been dropped so near to the town itself. While several of them had spears at the ready, the villagers came towards them, led by a broad-shouldered man with graying hair. They were all dressed in furs and leathers, dyed in rich colors. Many had tattoos or decorations made from bone , beads, and feathers. There was something...not quite human about them. Their features were on average a bit too slender and angular, their ears delicately pointed, their steps a bit too light.
The big man whom had led the way stepped forward. The small group of travelers could tell by the extra decoration on his clothing and the mantle of feathers he wore that he must be someone of importance, perhaps their leader. This was confirmed a few moments later by his words. He bowed slightly before speaking. "Greetings, travelers...I am the chieftain of this tribe. Do you come in peace?"
Despite the weaponry several held, Fai didn't feel particularly threatened. It only made sense that they would want to protect themselves and were being cautious...but he could tell that these people were no warriors. Few of them had the practiced grace or efficiency of movement of a real fighter. "Yes, we do. We don't mean you or anyone here any harm. We come from...a distant land. I know people usually don't just...uh, fall out of the sky like that, but--"
The chieftain held up one hand, interrupting with a slight smile. "I have seen many magics in my day. There are some who move between the tribes of this world daily with these powers. It is not so strange to me that you could come here in the same way."
Fai exchanged a brief but surprised glance with his companions. This certainly made things easier, didn't it? Rather than instantly being treated with suspicion, hatred, or like animals on display...their arrival was shrugged off simply as a matter of course.
"If you come in peace, friends, then please, enter! We shall not keep our guests standing in the middle of a field. Come. My daughter will prepare a meal for you and I can give you a place to stay in exchange for your story."
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
They had met the chieftain's daughter, Janelle, and talked until long after the sun had gone down. They had a large tale to tell of their own adventures, even leaving out some things. Their hosts listened with rapt attention. In return, they learned much about the world of Kelari.
There were many different tribes of Kelarins, but they were all able to stay in close contact with each other due to their Windwalkers, as they called them. These Windwalkers were largely scholars and devoted to the gods of Sun and Sky that the Kelarins worshipped. They would travel from waypoint to waypoint, moving between the various clans to learn all about different parts of the world as part of their religious studies, or to carry messages, goods, or even a passenger on occasion.
The tribes led simple lives - most of what they needed they could get by hunting, fishing, and foraging in the nearby landscape. The tribes enjoyed a healthy trade system due to their Windwalkers, and anything one tribe lacked could and would be brought in immediately.
The Kelarins had very few natural enemies - generally speaking, the only threat to the villages were the occasional assault by some of the larger predatory beasts that roamed the world. It was rare, however, for them to suffer an attack.
The only thing that marred Fai's enjoyment of this wonderful little world was the nagging flu he had picked up before they left. He knew he was running a slight fever and he couldn't help sneezing his fool head off.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Despite Fai's protests, everyone agreed that he should lay down and get some rest. The mage reluctantly relented. The chieftain and his daughter had initially been alarmed and very concerned to hear of Fai's illness, but Fai assured them he would be fine in a couple days with a little proper bedrest and a lot of water. Mokona insisted on helping Janelle fuss over him regardless. Kurogane stayed close enough to keep a watchful eye on everything that was going on and Syaoran spent a lot of time out in the village, fascinated by their artistry and culture.
By the next day, the chieftain was ill. This caused quite the commotion amongst the villagers, and the town shaman and seemingly everyone else came to visit, offering their prayers and wellwishes. They seemed largely, morbidly fascinated by the illness - apparently, this world didn't have a variant of the common cold.
By mid-afternoon, the chieftain had taken to his bed, the flu symptoms presenting themselves much more strongly than they had in Fai. What had been a mild case for the wizard proved very serious to the Kelarin chief. His breathing had taken on a wet and nasty sound and his throat had swollen, puffy and colored a bruise-like yellow-black. He was sweating profusely and running a scorching fever, soon mumbling deliriously, deep in the grip of hallucinations.
Fai felt absolutely terrible for getting him sick and was very alarmed at how severe his symptoms were presenting. He didn't know if the virus had mutated when they had changed worlds, or if it simply affected the Kelarins humanoid but not-quite-human system differently. For far from the first time in his life, he cursed his inability to learn anything resembling healing magic and questioned the shaman rigorously about local herbs to see if there was anything they could use. The shaman had never seen something like this before, however, and they basically made every concoction available in the vain hope something would work.
Before the sun set, almost everyone that had been in contact with the chieftain or Fai were presenting symptoms of the flu. By morning, the chieftain had died.
Panic swept the village. The introduction of a foreign pathogen was beyond their ability to accept or handle. A few spoke in hushed whisper about a curse from the gods. Several people fled as the Windwalkers arrived to stay with friends or relatives across the other tribes, in a vain attempt to flee.
Some of the tribe had drawn up their courage and took up arms, intent on driving the Cursed One, the Bringer of Death, out of their village. Fai blanched, the words having an obvious impact on him. Kurogane took one solid look at the mage's guilt-stricken, horrified face and promptly drew his sword and marched out the door. It only took a few displays of Kurogane's skill with a weapon and a few mildly bruised townsfolk for the people to call off their raid. After that, they simply withdrew and gave the chieftain's house a wide berth.
Fai got absolutely no sleep that night. He was exhausted enough with his own bout of the flu as it was, but every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was the kindly chieftain's swollen face, and all he could hear was the sibilant hiss of the villagers words.
Cursed. Bringer of Death.
By the following afternoon, the bodies of the dead and dying littered the ground. Those that were less affected or not presenting symptoms were doing what they could to get the living inside. The dead were growing in number too fast to inter with proper ceremony, and the digging of a mass grave was underway out behind the village.
Janelle was one of the few left in town not showing any signs of illness, although her bright blue eyes were glassy with dread and fear and simple horror as the plague swept across Kelari. What few Windwalkers came through - they stopped eventually - reported the same situation from every other tribe. The people that had initially fled had carried the virus with them.
Kurogane went out that morning and when he came back, he more or less forcibly dragged Fai and Syaoran with him to the shaman's house on the edge of the village. There was no trace of the shaman or his family anywhere. Every single herb and medicinal salve that had been stored in the place had long since been taken by panicked villagers.
The warrior had wanted a place that was both more defensible and out of the way. Despite his scare tactics earlier, he was still worried that the villagers might take another shot at Fai. Desperate people could cause trouble. He also wanted to be away from all the rampant death and dying, fearing that Fai too might catch something more lethal with his immune system already struggling against the flu.
Fai had no strength to protest. He hadn't slept or ate since this whole pandemic had started. Every time he closed his eyes, visions of the dead and dying flooded his consciousness. His own condition worsened due to his behavior, but it was nothing compared to what was going on outside.
Five days after their arrival, the three of them and Mokona were the only things left alive.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
It took a long while for Kurogane to finally locate Fai, and he was roundly cursing the mage's name under his breath by the time he did. It had been raining sporadically for the past couple hours, and the warrior just KNEW that Fai was off doing something counterproductive to his recuperation.
Sometimes, he hated being right.
He found Fai sitting against a tree, drooped over like an abandoned doll. He was a muddy mess. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he had been up to, what with the shovel and obvious fresh dirt next to him., the large and half-filled hole nearby.
"Oy, wizard..."
Fai didn't respond to him.
Kurogane felt an unexpected flutter of worry in his chest and he quickened his pace until he was close enough to touch the mage. "Hey."
Fai's head shot up and his bloodshot eyes darted over Kurogane without seeing him at first. They finally fixated on the ninja and his gaze narrowed, as dark and cloudy as the sky overhead. "Will you just STOP IT and leave me alone already?!"
Kurogane took a step back, surprised at the sudden outburst. His gaze immediately narrowed. "What the hell? I didn't even say anything yet!"
Fai gave him another glare. "Just leave me alone."
"I sure as fuck am not going to leave you alone. You're in no condition to be sitting out in the damn rain! Come on, lets go back to the house...the kid is getting frantic."
Fai's voice dropped from angry to exhausted and he looked at Kurogane as if really seeing him for the first time. "Kurogane..."
Kurogane winced inwardly at the use of his name. As much as he hated the nicknames, it was never a good sign.
Fai gave him a weary smile that didn't come anywhere close to reaching the rest of his face. "I'll come back soon. I just have to...finish this. I needed to take a break."
Kurogane frowned. "No, I think you should come back with me now. This can wait, at least until the rain stops."
Fai's glare returned. "No, it cannot wait! I need to do this!"
"What, and kill yourself in the process?"
"So what if I do?! It'd only be fair after killing all of them, wouldn't it?!"
Kurogane couldn't help but stare. "Damn it, it wasn't your fault. You didn't know this would happen...none of us did."
"I made you all go into that shop with me. I insisted. It's my fault. All of these people are dead because of me."
"Don't be ridiculous," Kurogane snapped. Fai didn't respond. The warrior felt an unexpected lump of horror wriggling in his gut like an obscene worm.   Something was more wrong here than he could immediately see, although the blank look Fai was wearing was chilling enough on its own. The mage's eyes were glazed and sunken, his body moving in slow jerks of extreme effort, like an unwilling marionette as he stood.
To Kurogane's disbelief, Fai staggered over to get his shovel and go back to work on the grave. The shaking in his limbs was evident. The ninja wasn't sure how he was still going - he was far past the brink of sheer exhaustion. Sheer stubborn willpower, perhaps - the mage surely could be obstinate if he got his head into it.
"This is for your own good," Kurogane muttered, as much of an apology as he'd ever utter. One sharp blow was all it took to knock Fai out. Kurogane caught him before he hit the ground and began the laborious trip of carrying him all the way back to the house.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Valeria.
Ceres.
Kelari.
Each name was like a hammer-blow to a soul that felt as fragile as glass. A high, lunatic laugh through the tears was the only response Fai could give as he writhed internally.
Cursed.
And dear gods, was he ever. Being the catalyst for the death of one world would have been bad enough. By his second world, Fai had been convinced he truly was cursed, a harbinger of death. And now, a third?
Where would it stop? How much more pain and suffering and calamity could he bring about? And it wasn't just the worlds.   Everyone close to him died. Fai. King Ashura. That sweet girl, Janelle, who was so interested in hearing about the other worlds and was taking care of him.
"How long will it be before Kurogane joins the list?" a soft voice whispered. Fai looked over, but wasn't surprised and didn't think it out of place to see his brother standing there, admonishing him.   Not as a child, but an adult, identical to himself. It was the face he saw every time he looked in a mirror. "Or Syaoran? Or even little Mokona? You can't save any of them. You couldn't save me."
"It... its not my fault." The words tasted weak and false, even to him.
"It was never your intention, but the blame is yours. We were born cursed."
Fai let out a low moan of defeat. He had tried so hard to run. He had done everything he could to distance himself from King Ashura in a vain attempt to spare his life. He had run long and hard, taken great pains to avoid getting too close to anyone... but it never mattered. It always caught up with them in time. He hadn't directly killed King Ashura, but Ashura had died because of him all the same. He HAD killed Sakura with his own hands. His beloved brother had died for him.
Who would be next?
"Kurogane..." he whispered to himself as he slowly got to his feet. The few hours he had spent unconscious had done nothing to alleviate the exhaustion he was suffering, but it had given it time to get dark outside. The storm seemed to have passed, although everything glistened wetly in the moonlight.
"Where are you going?" his brother asked him softly.
Fai paused near the door before nodding slowly. "You're right. Kuro-puu would hear me if I tried to slip out that way. I'm sure he's standing guard out there." He couldn't quite keep the sad, fond smile off of his face as he considered the closed bedroom door, imagining the familiar sight of Kurogane propped against the wall with his sword resting across his chest. Kurogane, so big and broad and brash, coarse and unapologetic, hiding a fiercely loyal and protective sort of love for little 'family' under an exagerratedly rough exterior.
A slight smile drifted ghostlike across Fai's lips as he slipped out the window, recalling the teasing conversation they'd had before coming to this world. "I think he was attracted to me," he finally confided with a laugh.
"And you cared for him, far more than you should have."
"Yes," Fai confirmed with a nod. His bare feet made no sound as he walked through the wet grass. "I think I was falling for him."
"Are you going to save him?"
Fai's smile softened and he paused for a moment, turning to look back towards the house. "I am. He'd call me a coward, tell me I was running away...that I was an idiot. But...not everything fits into his adorable but narrow-minded categories of black and white. I'm confronting the enemy. The only problem is that the enemy is myself."
"They won't understand."
Fai closed his eyes, reaching for the magic coursing through him, feeling it coil through his veins in an intimate caress. "I know. Is this why we were cursed? The price for this power?"
"Perhaps. It was too great to be contained in just one of us. You can rest if you let it go. No one else will have to suffer, including you."
Fai nodded, grateful for his brother's wisdom. Yes, it was part of the curse of his birth, this power that was so feared, that had enabled him to destroy so much. He should have left it alone after he had given the last half of his power in exchange for Kurogane's arm....but no.
He came to a stop amidst the field of flowers near a large, rounded rock. He wasn't terribly far from the house, but he was far enough away that he shouldn't draw any immediate attention.
As he lifted his arms slowly skyward, he felt his brother's arms around him. Strange, that they seemed to have no warmth or support, but that didn't penetrate the dreamlike haze that was Fai's consciousness. "Do it, Yui. Let it go. Let it wash away, erase the memories of all you've done. Then we can stay together...I'll be with you forever."
"Yes." Fai nodded and closed his eyes, dropping into the ebb and flow, the tidal surge of magic whirling within him. He gathered his power up until it was churning, pressurized....raging to be released. Ever so slowly, he relaxed his constraints, the mental locks that kept his power under control.
It was the same restraints that sometimes, a lesser skilled mage would blow open on accident, resulting in their spells going awry, potentially causing a great deal of harm to others or themselves. Like dialing in the numbers on a combination lock, Fai let each layer of protection slip away. And then there were none.
The raw power within him exploded outward and upward, roaring through his body like a living beast of flame. Blue-white energy arced skyward, snapping and surging. He couldn't have stopped it now even if he had wanted to.
It was an ecstasy, nearly sexual in its intensity. Fai hardly registered anything but a state of tormented bliss, a pain too intense to simply hurt as his body shattered, all snapping bones and sundered flesh. Fai heard a raw scream of tragic, ecstatic agony, but it was distant now.   He hardly registered anything as he collapsed down against the rock.
It was done, now. He had purged himself, been hollowed and scoured out, purified in the power that had caused so much grief. As his vision faded, he thought he felt a cold breeze, and distantly he saw flecks of falling white.
// Snowing...It's snowing, Fai...// he thought dimly, a smile quivering on his lips as he sank into his brother's embrace, felt fingers slowly stroking through his hair, felt a gentle kiss brushed against his forehead.
"I know, Yui. It's beautiful.."
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
If the blinding blue-white arcane storm and the sound of tremendous explosions and screams hadn't been enough to get Kurogane's attention, the sudden frigid breeze was.
"The fuck?!" The warrior was out the door in an instant, almost falling onto his face as his footing beame slippery. A thin layer of ice and frost had covered everything, and the last few flakes of snow were starting to fall....which was a sign that something in nature had gone seriously haywire for a few moments, considering it was summer.
A growing sense of dread filled Kurogane as he tore down the path, knowing who he would find at the end and hoping viciously that it wasn't too late already. Even still, imagining all the possibilities despite himself, he wasn't prepared for the reality.
Fai was propped against a rock amidst the flash-frozen flowers, a picture painted in red and white. He was a fallen toy, a broken and discarded doll with broken limbs. His skin was a pale white and his lips a faint shade of blue to match his vacantly staring eyes. Tiny snow crystals stuck in his hair. The whole area around him was covered in crystalline white. The only thing marring the wintery perfection of the moonlit scene was the faint mist and streaks of red everywhere in a wide ring around the mage. Cuts and lacerations adorned his body like a fine mesh, staining the pristine white with the last outpouring of his life.
"Damn it!"Kurogane cursed as he stumbled over to the fallen mage, hesitating before touching him, gathering him up in his arms, afraid of causing more damage. With hesitant, trembling fingers he reached to feel for a pulse and was astounded to find one, although it was faint and fluttering oddly.
"Fai! Damn it, Fai, what the hell happened...what did you do, you idiot?!" Kurogane resisted the urge to shake him, alarmed at how cold he was.
Fai's eyes moved towards him, although Kurogane doubted the mage saw anything. They were unfocused and distant. A small, horrifyingly serene look was on his face, and his voice was a cracked but blissful whisper.
"Kurogane....you came."
The warrior was dimly trying to kill the voice inside him that whispered that Fai's damage was far, far too severe...that even now, he shouldn't be alive. He'd seen enough death to know. "Yeah, I'm here. Damn it, Fai...what were you thinking...."
"The stars are so beautiful tonight...I'm glad you're here too, with us."
//Us? '// Kurogane's gaze darted around for a moment, wondering if he had somehow missed the presence of someone else. He slowly flicked his gaze upwards. No stars were visible underneath all the cloud cover - even the moonlight was intermittent at best. He swallowed thickly, hoping Syaoran hadn't heard all the noise, wouldn't see this...although he knew he had heard the boy moving as he had run out of the house. "Yeah...I....I guess they are."
"You're safe now, Kurogane. The curse won't be able to have you. I've washed away all I've done. I just wish I could have seen you again. My eyes...something is wrong with them."
"You're not cursed, you idiot! Just...stop talking, I'll get you back and get you patched up...somehow...Fai?...FAI!" Kurogane did shake him this time. He had never imagined the magnitude of hurt and pain he'd feel at losing the mage, who meant more than he had ever cared to admit to himself. He wished now that he had been...less awkward, that he could have found a way to broach the issue.
Another faint smile twitched the wizard's lips. "Fai approves of you too....he likes you. How lucky am I, despite everything, to be with my two favorite people like this?...."
Before Kurogane could begin to follow the confusing trail of the mage's fading words, they stopped altogether, in time with the last stuttering beat of Fai's heart.
Kurogane had never felt so alone.
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What I\'ve Done