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Wants and Needs
By : Nuwanda
Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > Yaoi - Male/Male > Gojyo/Hakkai
Views: 1092 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0Disclaimer: I own no part of Saiyuki, nor any of the characters in this story, and I make no money and/or profit from this work. - Chapter List
- 1
Hakkai thrust upwards into the warm, willing body above him, feeling that familiar touch as Gojyo's hands traced over his chest, coming up the grip the kappa's shoulders as he rocked in Hakkai's lap.
Gojyo smiled down at Hakkai, movements smooth and sure, leaning in to kiss the brunette. Crimson hair brushed Hakkai's cheek, long and soft, and a memory flashed back to him….so vivid it was as if it had happened yesterday. This same scenario, only it was Kanan on top of him, her hair stroking his face, soft and brown, her gentle green eyes smiling down at him. He felt lips against his, and he willed the memory to be true. "Kanan," he breathed, without even realizing he'd spoken the name aloud.
He felt Gojyo falter above him, and a pang registered in his chest. He tried to shove away the guiltiness he felt at wanting to replace his best friend with the love he had so recently lost. Gojyo had been so good to him, giving him a home when he had none, a shoulder to cry on even when he had refused to accept that comfort, and then, a warm embrace with no questions asked. Even though Gojyo had never asked for any sort of romance, he felt terrible for allowing this memory to overwhelm him, for bringing Kanan into their bed. But he didn't know how to take it back, and wasn't sure that he wanted to. Just for now, he wanted Gojyo to be Kanan. Just this once, he begged inwardly, hand reaching to stroke Gojyo's cheek. Just this once.
And somehow, Gojyo seemed to understand. He turned into that touch, kissing Hakkai's palm, murmuring, "Gonou."
Hakkai whimpered, an arm wrapping around Gojyo's neck, pulling him down for a desperate kiss. Gojyo returned the kiss with as much fervor, and let himself be fucked, giving Hakkai what he needed.
And when Hakkai came with her name upon his lips, Gojyo bit his lip and said nothing. He stroked Hakkai's hair back, murmuring soothing words as the man rode out his climax, chest rising and falling with heavy breathing, more sated than Gojyo could remember ever seeing him.
He carefully climbed off Hakkai, moving to sit beside him, legs hanging off the side of the bed, leaning down to find his pants. Hakkai opened his eyes. He was beginning to come to now, eyes focusing, watching as Gojyo, arousal still obvious, slipped into his pants. The sight brought Hakkai fully to his senses, and he sat up slowly, moving to sit beside Gojyo.
"…I'm sorry," he said softly. Gojyo shook his head.
"Don't be. It happens." Gojyo turned to look at Hakkai, whose face was drawn with worry and guilt. He gave a smile. "Hey." Gently, he tugged a lock of Hakkai's hair. "I said don't worry. It happens." He didn't say to who, and Hakkai didn't ask, for he didn't think Gojyo would have an answer.
He managed a smile, though it wasn't very convincing, and that was saying something. Gojyo knew all of Hakkai's smiles, and this was by far one of his worst. But at the moment, Gojyo didn't know what to say to make it better. He'd given Hakkai all he had. He felt hollow, empty….he couldn't offer anything else tonight.
"…..I'm gonna go have a smoke, okay?"
Hakkai nodded. Gojyo gently ruffled the already messy brown hair, and, grabbing his cigarettes and lighter from the table, headed barefoot outside.
He wasn't what Hakkai wanted….he knew that. The newly born youkai was still not over the loss of his sister, and indeed, of his entire former life, and honestly, Gojyo didn't know if Hakkai would ever be able to get over Kanan. But he still couldn't help wishing. He didn't know how a man so different from him could come into his life and turn it totally upside down, make Gojyo fall ridiculously and completely in love with him. But Gojyo had. And now he was utterly fucked.
Gojyo took a long drag on his cigarette. No, he wasn't what Hakkai wanted, and maybe he never would be. But for now, he could be what Hakkai needed. He exhaled, watching the smoke disappear off into the night sky, soft gray patterns drifting slowly on the wind.
-fin-- 1
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