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Che, Fucking Kitty	By : Doodled93 Category: +. to F > Eyeshield 21 Views: 3140 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Eyeshield 21 or any of it's characters. I make no money from this piece of fiction, just entertainment :D

Chapter List
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Chapter 1

"The fuck?"

Hiruma was fairly used to odd things happening, being the initiator for most of them, but this was just…

The genie floated above the discarded cup, its single point of polished surface gleaming in the early morning sun. The genie itself looked as shocked as Hiruma, though in a more fearful-for-my-life kind of way. That could be attributed to the rather large rifle that looked as if it was taken straight from a game of HALO (insert number :]) pointed straight at its head. In the background Kurita sat in shocked silence, a broken bit of equipment sitting forlornly next to him.

"What the fuck are you?" demanded Hiruma, the metallic 'ke-chuck' of his rifle prompting a quicker answer.

"W-wait! You were the one to rub my lamp?" the blue, almost Kurita sized floating figure stuttered out.

Hiruma's lip peeled back, baring one of his fang like incisors, his eyes narrowed to slits as he glanced down at the old trophy directly below the floating blob. "Does that look like a fucking lamp to you?"

The flat face of the genie looked down slowly, a crease forming between darker blue eyebrows as… 'he' stared down at the cup, a slow realization dawning across his features.

"Oh yeah, I remember, I made that bet with Kuro, and switched… oh, right…" seeming to collect his thoughts and realize once again that he had a giant gun pointed at his head, and he immediately snapped to attention.

"Gene the genie, at your service! Hello insert name here, I am the genie of the lamp—"

"Fucking cup"

"— and in rubbing my lamp, I now grant you three wishes! Now what would you like to wish for? Money? Intelligence? Fame?"

There were a few minutes of silence, the newly labeled Gene started to sweat, the confidence he was feeling at the awed expression on Kurita's face being squashed by the sense of foreboding at Hiruma's thoughtful face (and the gun still cocked and pointed at him).

Soon, the silence got too much for the unfortunately named genie, but before he could get out a word, Kurita jolted from whatever reverie he was caught in.

"Oooh, we can wish for more team members! How great!"

Hiruma turned to frown at his large acquaintance.

"Fucking fatty, we can do that on our own!" he barked out, shooting a couple rounds at his feet.

"Um, you could wish for some more equipment? Or maybe unlimited funds?" suggested Gene, thinking that maybe if they would get their wishes over with then he could go on his way to a saner part of town… he hadn't been in that la… cup for that long, so he knew it wasn't exactly normal for what appeared to be a high school student to have firearms at all, let alone of that size.

Hiruma gave the genie a coolly superior look that clearly said 'I know something obvious that clearly YOU don't'.

"Kekeke, don't need that… The school board deals with replacing our equipment… funds are not an issue for the same reason…" accompanied with a disturbingly maniacal grin.

"Umm…." Gene was starting to sweat; something he didn't know he could do before he'd met these two (mainly the Blond), but at the moment he'd rather be sweating bullets than be shot with them.

Somehow Gene felt that he wouldn't be getting away anytime soon… that suggestion he'd made earlier about wishing for intelligence… well hopefully the spiky haired demon wouldn't take his offer.

He seemed likely enough to take over some country without the assistance… however minimal.

Sena stretched out in the sun, kneading his paws into the soft grass before regretfully getting up. That big black Tom from earlier had acted weirdly enough, trying to do that doggie dominance mounting thing earlier… well if it was his territory, the why didn't he just say so? No need to go emulating dogs to get your point across…

Well, in any case, it was time to move on. Odd behavior or no, there wasn't the right kind of… feel to the area that Sena was looking for in a home territory.

That and this was the fifth Tom who tried that trick, and it was getting old. It was only due to his quick paws that Sena had managed to get away… who knows what else they would have done in dog fashion?

Some dogs even played, biting each other's TAILS! Sena's fur stood on end at the very thought of a mouth full of teeth clamping down on his precious tail…

Some cats didn't have tails—heck, some dogs don't have tails (though Sena wondered if it was because of that damned playing as they called it)—but Sena was very happy with his spotted tail, it's fur all sleek and smooth, that little wispy bit at the end that flipped so wonderfully in the wind…

Well, Sena could admire his own tail all day without getting bored, but now wasn't the time. Now was the time for action.

So Sena trekked across the rooftops, his pads tingling pleasantly from the heat, the sun beating down and tempting him to just lay down for a little bit, just for a little nap, but no, that big burly black Tom's territory was not a place to be right now, not for a small cat like Sena.

Crossing several mildly busy streets with the speed that he'd developed over his lifetime, as well as dodging through crowds of humans (while deftly avoiding the smallish ones—they liked his tail almost as much as he did, but with less care with their grabby hands), Sena decided to take a break on a stone wall thing. Why the humans needed them was beyond Sena, but they regularly had convenient trees on either side, and when they didn't they held heat so well… on a sunny day like today, a little nap wouldn't hurt, just a little rest for his paws and a chance to clean up a little… ooh, that's the ticket…

Stretching out on an expanse of wonderful heat, part of his belly turned towards the comforting sun, Sena gave a sniff to a passing breeze, scenting for other cats around.

While he wasn't in that black Tom's territory anymore by the smell of it, he didn't want to be invading on someone else's napping space. And it seemed like such a nice area too… and—

Sena's ear twitched slightly when he processed what he smelled, or rather what he didn't smell, his head coming up from its resting place from the shock.

There wasn't a smell of any cat, a Tom or otherwise at all around.

Not even any of those pretty outdoor collared cats that barely flicked their tails at a nice salmon tail in an alley.

That was odd… usually there were a few cats to an area that called it their own, each avoiding or ignoring the other supposed 'owners' of the space… Sena wouldn't mind living with or around another cat, but most of the cats he'd met over his lifetime were fine on their own, and when they wanted to be on their own they didn't want company strangely enough.

But no, this space didn't have any cat smell at all, aside from a far off ones carried from other territories.

The wind shifted to the opposite direction, and Sena strained to smell where the nearest taken territory was, but it was about as far off as the others in the opposite direction. But the wind this time also brought a couple of new smells.

Turning his head to look at the ones who gave off such interesting smells, so different from other humans that he'd had the occasional misfortune to get a nose full of scent from, and studied them curiously. (AN: Ignore the grammar/sentence structure of this bit and the next please)

Two humans, with about the same fur patterns to them, one large in both height and width, with small eyes and a big mouth, and one with ears actually in proportion to his head as they should, its yellow fur spiked up like he was ready for a fight. The one with the spiky fur was holding onto a dark metal thingy that made loud noises, pointing it at— hey, wait a second…

There were enough smells coming from them to make him interested, but it was only two human smells, and there was a floating blue thing, lighter than the sky, with them. Maybe it was some kind of bird… but there was no scent coming from it… hmm…well then.

Many smells were coming from them only a few similar; the musky and slightly sour smell of sweat, a new smell that he'd not smelled from other humans, a sweet smell like from outside of that brightly coloured store the smallish humans went into, a metallic smell like those little brass circle things on the ground—a smell that made his nose twitch similarly—that humans of all sizes picked up, a minty smell that most humans had near the beginning of the day, and… hmm, well one smell, very separate smelled like a dog.

It was actually very strong.

Like it was within a couple of roof lengths of him… oh…

A growl rumbled across the clearing that the two figures and the blue thing were in. The growl said "You are in My Territory, Prepare to Die"

Well that explains why there aren't any other cats in this area…

But for some reason Sena's body was frozen. His fur was standing on end; his glorious tail twice its normal size, the tip twitching madly.

The growl came closer at an intense speed, a cloud of dust appearing at the other end of the field. Sena watched with mild horror as it came, fast, towards him, the angry eyes of the dog set back behind a long muzzle, with what seemed like every tooth bared and ready to shred whatever's in its way.

The show of fangs swept any indecision from Sena's muscled, and he was off like a shot, mind whirring in a way that only a threat to your existence could bring about.

Nonono, I can't deal with this right now, maybe left—a slight turn (one that would have allowed Sena to skim past him) brought an immediate change in direction from the beast—nooooo, can't turn in any direction! If even a slight shift brings THAT about… no help for it then, hope he doesn't bite my tail off…

Sena shifted so that he was running straight for the dog, lowering his tail from its arch and crouching lower to the ground, the feel of the wind on his whiskers sending countless signals as adrenalin pumped through him.

The dog faltered for a moment—a short moment—surprised at its prey heading straight for it, but that was all that Sena needed.

A sudden burst of speed brought Sena face to face with the beast, and in that half-second hesitation, Sena's dark brown eyes meeting the dogs own pinprick eyes and- There!

Sena twisted his body to the right, then to the left, allowing his tail to move accordingly to keep him from toppling (such a useful, beautiful tail), and HAH! He was past and still running. A glance behind him told that the momentary shock of the speedy canine didn't last longer than it took for him to swivel around, his claws digging into the packed earth as he slid backwards, and then he was after Sena, drool sliding from the corners of his black lips as his growl reemerged.

Well that's just great…

The two humans (and the floating blue no smell thing) were directly in front of Sena, and an inbuilt reaction to the smallish humans grabby hands made Sena turn a direct left, his back paws leaving minor claw marks as well as a slight puff of dust as they pivoted and slid.

The humans made a loud noise, the one with the blond fur using that metal thing to make even more loud noises before Sena's attention was directed once again to the dog that somehow appeared right in front of him—only a complete 180 degree turn, a liberal use of his claws, and a vigilant tuck of his tail kept all of Sena from sliding right into the open jaws of the dog. A small jump got him going again, tail tucked and kept neatly between his legs, and then there was a commotion with the humans and the blue thing and—

A growl—the deep rumbling kind that told Hiruma of an invader on his practice time—rumbled from where Cerberus (A/N; or is it Cerberos?) was chained to the ground, and the accompanying sound of metal breaking was the closest thing to calm before the storm that the field had ever had.

An inspection of the field proved otherwise, only showing the usual dusty field, the wall, and the trees, a stray spotted cat lying in the sun…

"What the fuck?"

Cats didn't come anywhere near Deimon, after the first few got mauled by Cerberos (A/N: this one sounds right, so please tell me if it's not). So why the hell was this one here?

Did it have a death wish? Or maybe it was going to try some dominance fight… hmm, that would be amusing… well—at least until animal control came.

That part wouldn't be nearly as amusing…

A quick tug to somewhere (he'll never tell) and a click later documented the occasion on his camera, a close up picture of the suicidal feline for the memoires.

Before he could put it away from his quick examination of the shot, a familiar rumbling of the ground and a dust cloud passing heralded the arrival and passing of Cerberos, and—the cat wasn't moving.

Suicidal.

Death wish.

Stupid.

Whatever.

But then the cat WAS moving, and moving quickly, paws blurring as the damn animal darted across the dusty field. Maybe not so suicidal… or else it's just some instincts kicking in

Well holy crap the damn thing could have been a miniature cheetah with how it was moving, the spots covering it only adding to the image. He tilted to one side, aiming just to the side of Cerberos, but that wasn't anything that Cerberos couldn't handle. 'Che, so fucking proud. Cerberos adjusted accordingly, and just as his path was straightening out to catch the little cheetah, the damn cat turned right back around, heading straight for Cerberos.

Suicidal then.

And then he wasn't. Cerberos paused momentarily in his barreling chase

Eyes trained to catch such speedy movements, mind already picturing such a move used against a line backer—maybe even that damn Shin Seijuuro—Hiruma observed the darting right-left movement, an idea niggling at the back of his mind, and the furrball went even faster and—the fucking cat went past Cerberos.

And there the idea was, 'YA-HA'-ing right in front of his face. A notepad came out, and a demonic grin was directed at the blue dumbass.

His hand moving the pencil across the notepad almost quicker than he could think what to write down—almost—and hardly a second after he finished the last letter of the last word was the page ripped out and shoved at the now sweating dumbass.

"I want that cat human, with all of these perks included. What are you waiting for? Do it!"

"W-what? But the physical laws—and the metaphysical laws—that would be breaking—"

A spray of bullets interrupted him.

"'Che, what you want it in wish form? Fine. I WISH that fucking cat was human, with all of the parameters specified on THAT."

He reloaded his gun. Gene gulped.

A quick glance at the cat showed it pivoting, nearly sliding right into Cerberos' jaws, darting away after a pause, and then the blue retard finally did something, leaving a big cartoonish 'POOF' of smoke…

There was a moment's pause, and a small nude form darted from the wafting smoke (apparently the cat's a boy), a panicked expression on his face as he glanced fearfully back. His now bare feet stumbled momentarily, but that passed and the boy tried to speed back up. Tried being the optimal word.

"Haa! No, I'm not doing anything here, I swear! Ouch!"

Cerberos clamped his teeth into his ankle, earning a startled and pained yelp from the teen as he stumbled.

At least the damn blue fucker read through everything, thought Hiruma as he grabbed up the struggling pipsqueak around his waist, signaling for Cerberos to let go.

He did, with a low growl, and that made the kid start up his struggling, a low whine building somewhere in the back of his throat. It was a familiar sound to Hiruma, who heard it after a particularly harsh blackmailing/threatening session from both old and young… but he had to wonder what brought it out when he hadn't even started on him yet. He got his answer a moment later.

"Nonono, I swear, I'm not! No! I'm not trying to scent mark your human, it's just not letting me go! NO! I'm not I'm not I'm not! Just get your human to let go and I'll leave and never, ever, ever, never come back! I'm not trying to scent mark him! I'm trying to escape, ONLY! Not anything else!"

Hiruma's eye twitched at being called 'it' as well as apparently being Cerberos' human, but he couldn't help but grin at that. He vaguely recalled something about why cats rubbed themselves against their owners, twining around their ankles and the like, something about scent marking them as 'theirs' or some shit like that.

Apparently it wasn't total bull.

But now the kid was struggling like he was in a death trap—which with what Cerberos apparently 'said' wouldn't be entirely off the mark—and it was getting fucking (*1) annoying, and there was something whipping at his leg—

Wait…

2 legs a kicking, 2 arms a struggling, and one something whipping…

But the flailing limbs kept him from getting a good look at whatever the hell it was, sooo…

"Fatty, hold him for a sec." and without waiting for an answer Hiruma shoved the cat-turned-human boy to Kurita, who caught him automatically in his giant arms, pinning both his arms and his legs together.

And then Hiruma bludgeoned him in the back of the head with his rifle, silencing his whines and denials and stopping his struggles. Hiruma picked up the now limp form, debated for a moment the benefits of slinging him over his shoulder, and decided instead that that'd be a bit much, and brought him inside of the clubhouse, dropping him on the dusty couch. Kurita squeezed inside after, rubbing his hands together nervously, and behind him the floating genie who gave Hiruma his runner.

His running back who was going to win the Christmas bowl under him.

His running back, under him… huh.

A glance down at the knocked out teen, and Hiruma's grin widened, taking in the smooth skin, the soft brown hair, the fuzzy, darkly spotted cat ears, the equally spotted tail… (*2)

Hiruma rounded on the floating dumbass, firearms coming out in the process.

"He's got ears and a tail. That wasn't on the list. Explain."

Gene waved his hands around wildly, sputtering out a response.

"NOW Dumbass"

"W-w-well you see, it takes a l-lot to –to do something like change a small c-cat into a human, s-so there'll be some t-times that he'll s-sort of, um, revert a bit—but only a bit, like with the ears, and, um, t-tail—but it's only for a temporary amount of time! I s-swear!"

"And when exactly should I be expecting these episodes?"

"Only o-occasionally, and the episodes should get f-fewer and farther between! And the only time they're l-likely to happen later on is when he's under an extreme—and I mean extreme—amount of stress!" (*3)

There was a moment's pause, Gene's eyes trained onto the gun still pointed at him, when Hiruma seemed to decide on something, turning from the trembling genie, who practically melted from the release of tension.

"Che, well you'd better hope it doesn't happen anywhere inconvenient, fucktard"

He rifled through one of his duffle bags and pulled out one of his black turtlenecks, pulling it over the fuzzy teen's head and continued by putting his arms through their respective sleeves despite the small groan of protest. Pulling the edge down made it cover down to about mid thigh, higher than that when he curled up—as he was doing right then, his tail curling and uncurling over his leg.

The shrimp of a cat was rubbing his face in Hiruma's lent shirt, letting out a purring that normally wasn't possible through a human body, and rubbed the overly long sleeves over his bangs, sniffing all the while.

"Aww, he likes your shirt Hiruma." Kurita wasn't daunted in the least at the glance shot at him.

Hiruma reached down and fingered the furred appendage on his new running backs head, rubbing the base of one ear when the purring increased in volume, the kids head nuzzling into his palm. He didn't even pull away when the kid abandoned one sleeve to clasp onto his wrist, keeping it in place. It didn't matter, it was kind of cute anyway, and it wasn't like Hiruma couldn't easily break his grip.

A few minutes of this, and the running back's eyes fluttered, opening with a sleepy smile to reveal sleep hazy brown eyes. A moment of gazing with animal delight at Hiruma, and purring contentedly at the ear rub, the purr slowly died, and the situation he was in apparently sunk in and he froze. Hiruma got up and went to his bag again, grabbed something, and came back, the frozen cat just staring at him. He didn't even move when Hiruma clipped a black leather collar around his neck, giving a pat on his head along with a demonic grin.

"'Che, here fucking kitty, you're mine now, got it?"

The boy's mouth opened and closed, no sound coming out.

"What's your name fucking chibi?"

The boy blinked, and while still trying to process the words, stuttered out an answer.

"S-Sena"

Hiruma's grin widened.

This was going to be fun.

-TBC-

(*1)- All the swearing—this is just my rant, and I send a cookie to anyone who can sympathize with me here. I naturally write friggin/frikkin/other variations of fucking, and I've had to go through my whole fanfic and changed all of it. I love Hiruma to death, but wow is writing dialogue for him tiring as hell… still love him and the whole SenaHiruma pairing though :3

(*2) – Spotted cat features—don't get me confused with the people who just want to add cat ears and a tail. I have plans, and as I've explained, they aren't permanent. Look up 'Marbled Bengal Kitten' for what kind of cat I envisioned :P

(*3) – All the stutters—holy hell this guy is annoying, I want to get him out of the story already. I don't like writing stutters, 'cause they never sound natural to everyone, and they're always leaving little red squiggly lines on my screen. Hate those.
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Che, Fucking Kitty