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Secret Desire	By : flamingice_28 Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > Yaoi - Male/Male > Sanzo/Hakkai Views: 1122 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki or any of the characters. No money is also being made from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Secret Desire
- 1
Hey guys! Some of you might have come across my stories on livejournal but I’m moving them here as well. This is a ‘Just in case’!

Secret Desire
It had been snowing heavily for two straight days. Sanzo stared outside absently as he watched the snowflakes land on the ground. The chilliness outside was a sharp contrast to the warmth of the room. Dressed in a dark turtleneck shirt and his usual tight jeans, he sat at the window sill, his mind oddly blank though outwardly, he looked as though he was deep in thought.
Hakkai sighed as he watched the beautiful monk sitting silently at the window. He had been there for most of the day. In the midst of the evening light with snowflakes dancing in the background, he looked like a forbidden angel, untouchable. That was rather a disturbing thought, Hakkai realised with a sad smile, when he wanted to touch very much.
The journey to India and back had been quite successful. Of course, in the course of returning back to Chang’an, Hakkai had to stop himself numerous times from simply grabbing their unconventional leader and proclaim his undying love for him. When this feeling had started, Hakkai never knew and did not bother to find out. However, he realised he had feelings for Sanzo when Homura started targeting their group and when they broke apart due to Hazel. Not to mention, a certain Dr. Nii that had a fixation on Sanzo. Jealousy, anger and utter helplessness were the feelings Hakkai had gotten used to by the end of their journey. Then, their journey back was filled with one desperation and frustration: sexual.
Now that they were free of their obligation and Sanzo had finally gotten back his master’s scripture, Hakkai wondered if he should just come out clean and tell the uncouth priest his feelings. Then again, he had always been a coward when it came to Sanzo. Simply because he wasn’t sure if he can take rejection and if Sanzo stopped looking at Hakkai as a friend and companion, Hakkai doubted his sanity could take it.
So the safest way, Hakkai thought as he watched Sanzo in his room, was to keep quiet. Though, he couldn’t help but wonder for how long. Life was so short anyway. And Sanzo was also silently tempting him. If only Sanzo had stayed at Chang’an. But the priest couldn’t take living in the temple and had moved into a house with Goku. Being used to the other two ‘idiots’ as he called them, caused him to invite – ahem, demand was more like it – Hakkai and Gojyo to stay as well. The arrangement worked just fine.
Yeah...right.
Hakkai couldn’t stand watching Sanzo prance around the place at times wearing only his jeans. He had bumped numerous times into the priest wearing nothing but a towel tied low carelessly at his hips, his body still damp and droplets of water sliding down his pale skin. It had taken all of Hakkai’s discipline, sanity and rationality not to just grab Sanzo and fuse their lips together; tracing the path the droplets of water took as they slide down Sanzo’s body and kissing each scar that only served to magnify Sanzo’s beauty rather than diminish them. In fact, once, Hakkai had walked in on Sanzo bathing, forgetting that now four people were living in one house and one of them happened to be the man he has been in love with for over four years!
If that wasn’t enough, nearly two weeks ago, Sanzo had spent over an hour watching Hakkai cook in the kitchen. It was something he never did but Hakkai had chalked it up to curiosity. Well, it would be fine if Sanzo was actually dressed decently. Instead, he was only wearing a thin robe that outlined his obviously naked body so perfectly and the dark colour had contrasted very fitting with Sanzo’s skin, it made the man glow. Hakkai thought that by now he would be a saint for not succumbing to his intense desire of just eating up the blonde priest.
Now, it was a whole month since this living arrangement had been made. Hakkai slipped into the kitchen silently. The house was too quiet. Goku had already succumbed into a deep slumber after a hearty meal. Gojyo had managed to escape to one of his ladies before the snow got too heavy. Which meant, for the first time, he was – technically – alone with Sanzo.
The need to do something special kneaded his mind. Taking out one of his favourite recipe books, he glanced through them before a recipe caught his eyes. A recipe for sending out a message to a special someone. Not that Sanzo would even know the name of the drink...
A sly smile graced Hakkai’s lips and he laughed lightly as he took out the ingredients and made a nice warm drink.
It was also a nice way to secretly tell the monk his deepest desire and feelings.
Laughing at the irony of that thought, Hakkai poured the drink into two glasses and mixed in just a hint of sake for Sanzo. He placed the glasses on the tray, took a deep breath and walked up into Sanzo’s room.
Hakkai couldn’t help but wonder if he was masochist. Even as he walked into the room, he knew he was just torturing himself with the blonde’s presence. But it was like moths and fire. You just can’t get enough and would risk getting burnt...
Hakkai had enough mind not to sigh at the sight of the fragile beauty sitting there like a delicately sculptured stature. He knew, personality wise, that Sanzo was far from delicate or fragile but he just couldn’t help associating those words with him. By right, Sanzo should be the weakest member of the ikkou but he was not. He was strong and independent. He hated relying on others, physically and emotionally. That was why it was so hard to approach him. That was also why Hakkai felt an incredible pull towards him. Forbidden fruits are after all, the sweetest.
Wasn’t his love for Kanan a prove of that?
Mentally shaking his head, he cleared his throat and waited for the blonde to turn his attention towards him. Deep violet pools looked into his own emerald ones making Hakkai wonder if he could ever catch his breath.
Sanzo raised a well shaped eyebrow.
Hakkai just smiled.
“I tried out a new recipe. Thought you might want something warm,” Hakkai said as he passed the blonde a glass.
“Hnn.”
Sanzo accepted the glass gratefully, his eyes expressing thanks that the stubborn lips refused to say. Hakkai only smiled and nodded. Together, they sat on the small round table in Sanzo’s room and enjoyed the drink.
It was, Hakkai thought, a really nice drink. The sake only spiked the taste, making it sharper and sweeter. Sanzo did have a slight penchant for sweet things once in a while. As he drank, he glanced at Sanzo and noted with satisfaction that the monk looked just a bit more relaxed than usual.
“It’s quiet.”
Looking up, startled, Hakkai noticed that Sanzo was looking directly at him. He nodded his head. “Aa. Goku is asleep and there is no way Gojyo might return tonight.”
“It’s been awhile since I felt this...peaceful.”
This time, Sanzo’s words did startle Hakkai. Never had Sanzo said anything about his feelings or ideas, thoughts or emotions. So why...?
“I’m glad. Your usual headache had not made an appearance in a while.”
Sanzo snorted. “It will when those morons start back their bickering.”
Hakkai laughed easily at that. “You wanted ‘those morons’ here with you, Sanzo,” he said reminding Sanzo whose choice it was.
Sanzo frowned then, looking thoughtfully outside. “I wonder whatever possessed me to do so.”
Why did it hurt, Hakkai thought as he stared dully into his cup, his good mood vanishing. The fact that Sanzo might regret asking him and Gojyo to stay never did occur. Was this Sanzo’s way of telling them to leave?
Swallowing, Hakkai looked at Sanzo. “Sumimasen. I didn’t know we were bothering you. Maybe...we should leave?”
When Sanzo didn’t immediately answer, Hakkai felt his hope dying out slowly. Just one month? That’s all he really had?
The scrape of the chair made him look up only to find Sanzo looming over him. Shocked, his eyes widened as Sanzo grabbed his chin and tilted his head up so that amethyst eyes could look directly into emerald ones.
“Do you want to leave?”
That question took him by surprise. What was that suppose to mean?
“I...If you want me to...”
“I know what I want. What I want to know is what you want. Do you want to leave?”
Hakkai tried to pry his chin away but the warning in Sanzo’s eyes changed his mind. Instead, he tried to understand what was it that the love of his life wanted.
“I only want what you want, Sanzo. If you want me to leave...”
A smirk graced the blonde’s face and Hakkai wondered what was going on behind those guarded eyes. He also wished Sanzo would let him go before he did something he regretted like attacking those thin cherry like lips.
And then...his mind when blank.
His lips were kissing Sanzo’s or Sanzo was kissing him. Hakkai just couldn’t think. All he could do was feel. Sanzo’s lips chastely kissed his. It was just a light taste, a touch hesitant but otherwise, a feathery feeling against his lips. Sanzo’s tongue lightly trailed Hakkai’s lips before moving to pull away. Hakkai groaned. Before the blonde could pull away, Hakkai grabbed the back of Sanzo’s head and fused their lips together, kissing the blonde deeply. Never in his entire life did he imagine those thin lips to be so soft and warm. Needing to deepen the kiss, his desperation obvious, Hakkai nibbled on Sanzo’s lower lip, causing the blonde to gasp and took the opportunity to slip his tongue inside the warm cavern.
Sanzo tasted of cigarettes, beer and Hakkai’s new speciality. He was a mixture of flavour and Hakkai found himself intoxicated by Sanzo’s taste. This was somehow uniquely Sanzo. A soft moan escaped from the man above him as Hakkai played with his tongue, tasting, teasing.
Without breaking the kiss, Hakkai got up from the chair and pulled Sanzo closer. By now, he just wasn’t thinking anymore. He was quite surprised that the aloof man had even allowed the kiss to get further but Hakkai wasn’t complaining. He would go as far as Sanzo was willing to go. Despite the kiss, Hakkai couldn’t help but wonder if Sanzo had gone all the way before. If Sanzo would let him, Hakkai knew he would grab the chance without a second thought.
Sanzo’s hand grabbed his shirt while another hand tangled in Hakkai’s hair. Hakkai’s hand slipped behind Sanzo, grabbed his ass and pulled him roughly so that their arousals mashed together. Both of them instantly groaned with need.
Up close, Hakkai could smell the fresh scent of soap and Sanzo. He pulled away and drew in a ragged breath.
“Sanzo...?”
The smaller man was panting heavily. His eyes were shut and a light pink hue colored his cheeks. His lips were swollen from being kissed so thoroughly. Hakkai found him absolutely adorable...so different from the cold, untouchable Sanzo he had known.
Sanzo was also trembling.
“If you want to stop...”
Amethyst eyes snapped open and eyed Hakkai hesitantly. The dazed look was gone in an instant replaced with something else. The look was utterly new, so unlike Sanzo’s usual demeanour that Hakkai found himself wondering again what the blonde was thinking.
“Do you want to stop?”
Sanzo calm voice, a contrast to his appearance made Hakkai look at his directly in the eyes. Where was the blonde going with this?
“I will, if you want me to.”
He would never and could never do anything Sanzo didn’t want no matter what.
“I want to know what you want.”
Was it the sheer stubbornness in Sanzo’s voice or was it the magic of the moment, Hakkai did not know but the word formed and was out of his lips before he could stop it.
“You.”
One word, one simple word and Hakkai wondered what would happen now. He was startled by the blonde’s sudden smirk and could only stare at him in confusion before Sanzo’s gaze once more locked with his.
“About time. Frankly, I’m tired of waiting.”
“Wha..?”
But Hakkai could form a word as Sanzo once more attack his lips, this time he made Hakkai forget everything else. Sanzo was hell bent on making sure that Hakkai only thought of him as he heard the brunette moan in pleasure.
XXX
As they lay tangled on the bed in the wee hours of the morning, Hakkai still feeling like all of it was a really superb dream, Sanzo tugged Hakkai’s hair to get his attention.
“Sanzo?”
“Why did you think I wanted you to leave?”
Hakkai found himself captured by the intensity of the violet pools waiting his answer.
“You said you were wondering what possessed you to ask us to stay with you.”
Sanzo frowned and looked at Hakkai.
“I said those morons. It was after all the only way to ask you to...well...you know...stay,” Sanzo said haltingly, hating the fact that he was feeling embarrassed. “Shit! You know what I mean! I couldn’t just say I wanted you! Fucking kappa would have teased the hell out of me!”
Hakkai stared openly at Sanzo. He had never known that Sanzo wanted him as well. His eyes soften and looked just a touch teasingly at Sanzo.
“So...you wanted me?”
Sanzo’s eyes narrowed even as a touch of red claimed his cheeks.
“Che! Like you were not obvious. You kept watching me. Now that trip is over...”
Hakkai nodded understandingly, curling up to Sanzo, a small smile on his lips.
“Hakkai?”
“Hmm?” Hakkai asked voicelessly, marvelling on how much the blonde was actually talking and the gentleness of his tone. He sighed as the hand on his hair played with his brown strands gently.
“I was meaning to ask you this before we...ah...hmm...well...what was the drink you made? It was really nice.” Sanzo asked in a hurry, his face red as he turned to look away.
Hakkai burst into laughter. Sanzo looked at him, annoyed. “What’s so funny? Hey, Hakkai!”
“Sorry, Sanzo,” Hakkai tried apologising despite the lightheaded feeling he was experiencing. “It’s nothing.”
Sanzo frowned and looked at Hakkai indignantly. Hakkai leaned forward, kissing the frown that marred his lover’s face. “Don’t frown so much. It will ruin your wonderful complexion.”
Sanzo growled and pulled away. “I’m not some fucking girl to worry about my complexion!”
Hakkai laughed as his hand reached down between Sanzo’s legs to grab him lightly. Sanzo gasped, his eyes widening instantly.
“Hak...kai...” he gasped, tried for a warning tone and failed miserably as he felt himself hardening once more as Hakkai’s clever fingers worked on him.
Hakkai grinned mischievously as he watched the deep red hue spreading on Sanzo’s face that only enhanced the blonde’s beauty. His fingers worked their magic, lightly stroking Sanzo’s length until the man hardened beneath him.
“I would never mistake you as one,” Hakkai whispered erotically in Sanzo’s ear as he leaned forward to grab another kiss.
XXX
Sanzo wondered why Hakkai needed so many damned recipe books anyway. He really wanted to know the name of the drink Hakkai had made and had been going through nearly 10 books already. Just as he was about to give up and thought of torturing the answer out of the blonde when his eyes caught a book placed hastily back. He took it and flipped the pages, noticing one of it was folded. Curiously, he flipped to that page and stared at the familiar picture of the drink he had been served and stared at the words written.
Bring out the deepest desire of the one you love with...
“Secret Desire.”
Sanzo turned around quickly at the ever familiar voice and saw Hakkai leaning casually at the kitchen doorway, looking extremely amused. Masking his features, Sanzo placed the book back and walked towards Hakkai.
“Never knew you needed a drink to figure out your feelings and mine.”
Hakkai shrugged and kept close eye on Sanzo.
“I always knew mine. It was yours I never knew. I thought the drink seem apt. It was subtle. ”
Not that he had been expecting much, Hakkai thought in amusement as he eyed his lover.
Sanzo threw Hakkai an incredulous glance before shaking his head. He simply walked past the brunette slowly.
“Hakkai.”
“Hai, Sanzo?”
“How could you not know how I felt when I have made it obvious enough?”
“Eh?”
Sanzo smirked as he watched the confusion in the eyes of the dark haired man.
“Since you always seem to know everything, why don’t you stop to think for whose benefit do you think I was parading around with only a towel after my baths?”
At Hakkai’s stunned face, Sanzo’s smirk widened.
“Oh and while you’re at it, the night you walked into my bath was very well planned and timed, don’t you think so?”
Hakkai watched, stupefied as Sanzo walked upstairs without even a backward glance.
-Fin-
- 1
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Secret Desire