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Mending Ties in Paris	By : finnian4ever Category: > Black Butler (Kuroshitsuji ???) Views: 2593 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji or the characters; all belong to Yana Toboso, I make no money off of what I write, it is just for enjoyment

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"Sebastian, I feel…hungry…" Ciel said, irritated at himself for hesitating on the last word even though he was unsure it was the correct word for what he was feeling. He had never experienced this empty longing that a demon might call hunger. A few short months ago when he was still human he would never have questioned his own needs, or faltered in making Sebastian aware of them. Now everything was different.
"Shall I prepare you something? A nice sandwich perhaps?" Sebastian's voice was nearly toneless, as it was every time he spoke now, but there was just enough sarcasm implied in the words to make heat rush to Ciel's cheeks.
"I don't care for one, no," he said shortly, but chose to ignore the tug of anger tempting him toward an argument. Sebastian knew full well that it was not a sandwich that he needed.
"Are you sure, master?" Sebastian drawled slightly, "You just said you were hungry."
Ciel halted in his steady gait down the cobblestone walk and simply clenched his fists, uncaring if Sebastian would see it or not. The air was chilly here in Paris, and the sight of his own breath billowing in white clouds from his mouth had been an inexplicable comfort to him during their strolls out through the city, as if confirming that he still existed, if only in this echo of his previous self. It did little to comfort him at this moment, however.
While he could still taste and enjoy human food, Ciel had found quickly that it could not stave off the dull craving that had risen in him lately. His stomach would never again roll and groan in need of sustenance, no longer would it require food grown out of the earth. No more would food prepared by careful hands have to pass his lips to keep him alive. Ciel knew what he was supposed to eat as a demon but…he had no desire to do such an evil thing as tear a human's soul from their body. He knew it would have to be done at some point, but he was trying to avoid it as long as possible.
The last thing Ciel wanted right now was to ask Sebastian for secrets on how in the world he could stand being so hungry. After all those years working and waiting to consume that which was his due, only to have it snatched away…Ciel did not want to even give Sebastian an inkling of a chance to describe to him what that was like.
"You heard me correctly, Sebastian," He forced out between clenched teeth as he stared out over the reflections of the tall buildings on the water of the canal. "I need something to eat…but not a sandwich."
This quipping had been most of their conversation over the last few days, almost as if speaking directly to one another was a thing of the past.
"Well, then, young master," Sebastian said, coming up to stand beside him, but not even glancing down in his direction, "would you care to sample a few of the delicacies Paris has to offer?"
"Like what?" Ciel asked.
"The usual riffraff that the grim reapers are willing to turn a blind eye to, as long as it's only one or two; street rats, vagabonds, wenches, dock workers…" Sebastian spoke in such a neutral, almost bored voice as he spoke, only infuriating Ciel more. "Drunkards are easy prey, but they do seem to carry the flavor of their favorite liquor with them when they die…"
"Shut up." Ciel said in a stony voice, "forget it." With that he resumed his walking, a little faster than before. The young earl had done his fair share of killing, by his own hands as well as the many countless cut down on his orders by Sebastian's, but…he had always had a reason, an end goal. Now…it was almost as if he valued human life so much more as a demon than he had when he was one of them. Ciel was confused, could not understand what had gone wrong in his head to make him hesitate. He needed to eat. That was his reason now. He should be able to kill with no scruples. Taking what he needed, regardless of the will of others. Wasn't that how he had always lived? So why was he being so very hesitant now? Why was he giving Sebastian one more reason to sneer at him behind that mask of cold indifference.
Cold. The very best word to describe Sebastian lately. Never before had Ciel truly cared about what his butler thought of him, or even how the demon felt. Now, however, he seemed to be nothing more than a machine that spouted 'yes my lord' when required and hardly anything else if it was not. Even before when Ciel knew his true nature, he would present a warm, smiling front that had comforted Ciel, though he would never admit it. Now there was no need for Sebastian to pretend to be anything more to Ciel than what he was; a slave, bound to service by an eternal contract. For some reason, the boy felt it was only now when he needed his warm, confident butler the very most…even if it was a lie.
The sun was setting on the other side of the city, casting brilliant streaks of vivid orange, soft pink, and bright yellow across the sky. The undersides of the puffy clouds were stained with lavender in the wake of the retreating orb, their tops dark purple and red against the darkening blue sky. Ciel let his eyes drink it all in, taking genuine delight in his surroundings for the first time since he was ten years old. He drew in a calming breath of the crisp evening air, trying to let the beauty of nature soothe him while at the same time fighting the nagging question of why he wanted it to in the first place. He had cared so little for anything other than his quest for vengeance that he hardly knew what to do with himself, let alone the time he now had to being and enjoy the world around him again. A world that could no longer touch him. No longer scar him. Even the nightmares had stopped altogether.
Everything in Ciel's world had been shaken up. At first he had donned a very positive outlook on his entire situation, viewing it as something of a second chance. He could experience life with literally no limitations whatsoever. As time passed, however, he found himself increasingly more confused. On one hand, it was as if he were more human than he had ever been: nature suddenly appealed to him, he wanted to taste food in every country, and he was even sleeping longer every night than he had in years. These changes confused him almost more than the inhuman changes. The smell of human blood caused his mouth to water. Sounds and sights were so sharp he could still be easily startled. Beautiful people drew his attention and made him want to engage in carnal pleasures the likes of which he had always thought were beneath him.
It was easy to right off these new aspects of himself as his demon-ness, but that did not mean it was any easier to adjust to them. Ciel found his life a hodge-podge mix of sudden joy, shame, confusion, anger, happiness, and even depression. And hunger…now there was hunger. And through it all his butler just stood by, bound to his side but wanting absolutely nothing to do with him or his internal struggle. This hurt Ciel. It hurt more intensely than he ever thought something of that nature could, which only caused the boy to be even more confused and angry at himself. Day by day he was finding that his life was becoming harder and more stressful, even though he was doing nothing more than touring the world.
While Ciel knew it was still early (and ultimately pointless) to consider such a prospect, he was already considering whether or not a demon could actually take his own life.
"I know at least one person who would gladly point me in the right direction…" Ciel muttered to himself as he walked. Sebastian did not ask what he had meant. He didn't care. He didn't care about anything to do with Ciel anymore.
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Mending Ties in Paris