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Space Dandy in The Donut Syndrome	By : xandermartin98 Category: -Misc Anime > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 553 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: All copyright for Space Dandy and its characters goes to Studio Bones, and this is a nonprofit fanwork with no intention whatsoever of infringing upon the official copyright.

Chapter List
- 1-The Donut Syndrome
- 1
Space Dandy in THE DONUT SYNDROME
by XanderMartin98
(PLEASE NOTE: This story is a parody of “The Diet Syndrome” from Panty & Stocking With Garterbelt. Also, Dr. Gel does NOT carry any of his giant “evil” scepters in this story.)
During an incredibly fateful morning (at roughly 10:00 AM, to be exact), in the central command room of Dr. Gel’s Spaceship Of Liberty, in space, the “incredibly intelligent” Gel and his incredibly lame sidekick (Bea) were increasingly-intensely arguing with each other about which one of their new Dandy-capturing plans was the one that had the least pitifully low probability of working. Naturally enough, the ideas that Gel and Bea were telling each other about became progressively more ridiculous and reliant on cartoon/anime logic as they did so...until Bea finally ended the argument that he and Gel had been competing with each other in by suggesting an idea that was so utterly crazy that Gel immediately knew exactly what he needed to do after being told about it.
“Let’s send a Corona-Chan-containing lifetime supply of bacon-and-cheese-filled donuts and extremely sugar-filled soda to Meow so that he will become Corona-Chan’s new puppet and then unwillingly stuff the contents of said lifetime supply into himself until he dies from how fat he is due to the fact that he no longer is able to control his own brain! While Dandy is busy crying about how much he misses the almost-entirely worthless jackass that Meow is, you and I will then ambush and imprison Dandy while the only bodyguard that Dandy has left is busy being an old and fat vacuum cleaner that barely even is strong enough to be able to move!” Bea increasingly-excitedly explained to Gel before then throwing his arms out beside himself, turning his hands into blatantly villainous claws and maniacally yelling “MWAHAHAHAHA!” about how much he loved being evil. Meanwhile, Gel rolled his eyes and exasperatedly groaned while crossing his arms over his chest.
“HMM...actually, despite how much I hate having to say things such as this one, what you have just told me and yourself to do quite-frankly is so hilariously far-fetched that it is EXACTLY what a show such as this one needs right now!” Gel un-crossed his arms, cupped his chin in his left hand and increasingly-happily told Bea. Meanwhile, Bea crossed his arms over his chest and smirkingly winked at Gel while Gel increasingly-mischievously smiled back at him.
After Gel and Bea had finally finished making a lifetime supply of bacon-and-cheese-filled donuts and extremely sugar-filled soda cans by using one of the cloning machines that the Liberty Spaceship’s secret laboratory contained (roughly twenty minutes later, due to how quickly they believed that the stuff that they were making was going to cause Meow to die), Gel finally released the weirdly human-sized Corona-Chan from the cryogenic stasis tube in which he had been keeping her in order to tell her about what he wanted her to do for him. Meanwhile, Bea was busy stuffing the lifetime supply of death-causingly unhealthy garbage that he and Gel had just made into one of the Liberty Spaceship’s extremely “bigger on the inside” delivery pods (which also were rather average-sized portable refrigerators) and utterly despising his own largely pointless existence as he did so.
“Ugh...where AM I?” Corona-Chan confusedly asked Gel while dizzily clutching her forehead with her right hand and unfortunately still being only halfway awake as she not-quite-fully-clothedly walked out of the aforementioned cryogenic stasis tube that Gel had been keeping her in. Predictably enough, Corona-Chan looked like an evil, high-heel-wearing and bare-legged clone of Chun-Li and had both a lovely pair of bat wings and equally lovely sets of brightly green fingernails and toenails, causing Gel to very-arousedly blush and have a quite hard penis “hidden” inside his pants despite the fact that he far-too-clearly was trying to not do so.
“Uhh...well, let’s just say that you’re in the future...” Gel briefly shook his head back and forth in order to regain his ability to focus on his main objective and then crossed his arms behind his back and somewhat-embarrassedly began explaining to Corona-Chan...before then suddenly throwing his hands straight up into the air and triumphantly yelling “OF SPACE!” while Corona-Chan rolled her eyes and exasperatedly said “UGH...” in response. Unfortunately for Gel, Corona-Chan still remembered exactly how to change her size, and his head already was making her want to shrink herself and then fly into it...so, naturally enough, she did exactly that.
“HUH? Where did you go?” Gel looked back and forth around himself and bewilderedly asked Corona-Chan (who had just shrunken herself to the size of a very small insect) as she flew directly toward the right side of his head and then quickly-yet-quietly dug/snuck her way through his hair in order to enter his right ear. “OH…” Gel clutched his head using both of his hands and rather-terrifiedly gasped as he suddenly began to feel and hear Corona-Chan running straight through his right ear canal.
“Personally, I don’t REALLY care about who you are at all, but whoever you fracking THINK that you are, PLEASE listen to me when I say this: if you have woken me back up in order to use me as a person killer, then you definitely should know that I do NOT like having to kill people that do not deserve being killed by me.” Corona-Chan sternly told Gel while crossing her arms over her chest, crossing her legs just to make the way in which she was standing even more sexy, and very-smugly leaning her back against his right eardrum. “Um...okay?” Gel nervously replied while quite-visibly trying to not wig out due to his awareness of the fact that Corona-Chan was inside his head.
“Right now, I want you to do exactly two things. First, tell me what your name is; next, tell me who the person that you presumably want me to kill right now is and why you think that he/she deserves being killed by me.” Corona-Chan un-crossed her legs, turned herself around so that she was facing directly toward Gel’s right eardrum, crossed her arms behind her back, looked directly into the center of Gel’s right eardrum, and authoritatively told him through said eardrum. Thankfully, Gel actually was smart enough to keep himself alive by very-quickly following Corona-Chan’s new orders.
“SIGH...my name basically is Dr. Gel, and the CAT that I want you to kill is Meow, who is an extremely pathetic and perverted anime-loving dweeb who also is an almost-completely useless freeloading glutton whose existence mostly just makes the lives of his best friends worse rather than making them better. Despite how incredibly useless he largely is, he also is a beloved sidekick of Dandy, who is a comically egotistical and dim-witted Elvis impersonator who also is my immensely over-emotional main enemy and presumably will immediately start crying like a helpless little girl and therefore become extremely easy for me to capture and imprison if/when his glorified cat dies.” Gel shrugged his shoulders and depressed-lookingly told Corona-Chan.
“Never mind; judging by what you have just told me, Meow definitely DOES deserve a very slow and painful death...preferably one that happens after or at the end of an extremely arduous and humiliating self-improving journey that ultimately turns out to be completely pointless.” Corona-Chan shrugged her own shoulders and extremely-disappointedly admitted to Gel and his right eardrum before then finally flying back out of Gel’s right ear and growing herself back to her human size for some good old-fashioned walking over to where the aforementioned delivery pod that Gel had decided to hide her in was. Meanwhile, Gel very-agreeingly nodded his head despite how unbelievably uncomfortable Corona-Chan had just caused him to feel.
“Please do not EVER get as un-nervingly close to my brain as you have just gotten again unless you absolutely HAVE to do so, okay? In fact, please do not completely disobey ANY of my orders again, unless you want me to use my smartphone’s Bomb Activator app to activate the virus-killing bomb that I have implanted into YOUR brain and therefore kill you. By the way, I also have implanted a voice recorder into your mouth, so please remember said fact so that you will NOT suddenly start traitorously whispering into the ears of my enemies during this mission.” Gel shiveringly-yet-sternly told Corona-Chan, causing said virus to shudderingly-and-audibly gulp as he and said virus quickly-yet-quietly approached the delivery pod that Bea had just finished stuffing Meow’s new gift into. “I sincerely promise that I will follow the instructions that you have just given to me as completely as I can, Sweetie Pie!” Corona-Chan smirkingly fluttered her eyelashes at Gel and nervously-yet-flirtatiously told him, causing him to quite-understandably gag and think “Corona-Chan really is SUCH a fracking slut...” to himself as she did so.
“Wow; what in the actual Hell has caused the two of you to get here so fracking SLOWLY?” Bea placed his hands onto his hips and rather-irritatedly asked Gel and Corona-Chan, causing the two of them to grinningly shrug their shoulders and smugly tell him “Who fracking CARES?”. A few seconds later, after Bea had finished rolling his eyes and groaning, Corona-Chan shrunk herself back to her germ size and then immediately flew straight into the delivery pod (flying refrigerator) that Bea had just loaded with bacon-and-cheese-filled donuts and extremely sugar-filled soda cans so that she would become able to sneak into Meow’s body after his new gift had been delivered to him.
“Goodbye, sweet princess…” Gel slowly shook his head back and forth and somewhat-regretfully thought to himself as Bea very-tightly closed the delivery pod that Corona-Chan and the gigantic pile of junk food that he and Gel were about to deliver to Meow were inside, said “go to the Aloha Oe” to it, and then immediately launched it into outer space. Predictably enough, Dandy, QT and Meow actually did somehow manage to completely fall into the unbelievably obvious trap that Meow’s new gift was after said delivery pod finally finished going to where the Aloha Oe (Dandy’s spaceship) was (aimlessly floating in outer space like the big and yellow sitting duck that it was, of course) and being loaded into said spaceship by Dandy.
“Sweet Jesus, Meow; can you even fracking BELIEVE how big of a load of both one of your favorite types of food AND one of your favorite types of drink the three of us have just gotten from a completely anonymous sender? You must feel as if you’re in fracking HEAVEN right now, baby!” Dandy somewhat-teasingly told Meow (who, for some reason, was wearing a quite-excessively large bright-green shirt rather than wearing his bright-green sarong) as he slowly and awkward-lookingly dragged the new portable refrigerator that Gel and Bea had just given to him into the Aloha Oe’s living room. Meanwhile, Meow was boredly sitting on his favorite couch and reading a Japanese comic book in said living room while QT was even-more-boredly making sure that he had properly cleaned said living room like the good little robot that he was.
“Oh, come on, Meow; do you REALLY not want to eat and drink some good old-fashioned bacon-and-cheese-filled donuts and completely sugar-loaded soda after how much junk food you’ve eaten in the past?” Dandy very-teasingly asked Meow while taking a quite informative peek into the new refrigerator that Gel and Bea had just given to him. Meanwhile, Meow increasingly-arousedly wiggled his hearing antennae and desperately tried to not drool and intensely blush as the smell(s) of bacon, cheese and donuts immediately began filling the air that Dandy’s living room contained as a result of Dandy opening said refrigerator and then purposely (and smirkingly) leaving it open.
“N-NO, thank you; I have no INTEREST in things of that nature!” Meow tremblingly and shifty-eyedly told Dandy, causing QT and Dandy to respectively giggle at him and chuckle at him while Corona-Chan immediately flew straight into his nose through his left nostril and then equally-immediately flew straight down his throat and into his increasingly-rapidly beating heart. “Yeah, RIGHT!” Corona-Chan gigglingly thought to herself as she used her inexplicable ability to breathe underwater as a way to swim into the part of Meow’s heart that contained his quite literal heart strings and then immediately start tugging/pulling on them with her bare hands.
“SERIOUSLY? Well, I suppose that there technically isn’t anything WRONG with me allowing you to make your own decisions about this type of stuff, but it definitely looks like I’M going to be eating some QUITE tasty stuff today!” Dandy told the intensely trembling Meow while snidely glaring at the poor “cat” in order to see how imminent the poor “cat” freaking out and quite-possibly lunging at him in the process of doing so was. Predictably enough, Dandy telling Meow that he (Dandy) was about to eat one of the absurdly numerous donuts that Gel and Bea had just sent to his (Dandy’s) “house” caused Meow to almost-completely lose his mind while QT face-palmed himself with his right hand and embarrassedly muttered “OH, boy; here we go again...” to himself.
“Yeah, that’s right; COME to Papa…” Dandy told one of Meow’s new bacon-and-cheese-filled donuts as he (Dandy) immediately began holding it directly above his (Dandy’s) mouth with his (Dandy’s) left hand and then widely opened said mouth while doing so. Meanwhile, Meow briefly looked away from the Japanese comic book that he was trying to read in order to utterly-horrifiedly look at what Dandy was doing right in front of him and think “OH, DEAR GOD, PLEASE, NO!” to himself while doing so. “HUH?” Dandy looked at Meow and somewhat-confusedly thought to himself as Meow extremely-uncomfortable-lookingly continued trying to read the Japanese comic book that he (Meow) was holding while Corona-Chan continued tugging/pulling on his (Meow’s) heart strings.
“3...2...1…” Dandy increasingly-teasingly told Meow while far-too-eagerly readying himself to drop the aforementioned donut that he (Dandy) was holding with his (Dandy’s) left hand into his (Dandy’s) mouth. “W-WAIT!” Meow frantically swung his face back toward Dandy and desperately screamed as Dandy dropped said donut into his (Dandy’s) mouth, chewed it up in extreme slow motion, and then finally swallowed it in equally extreme slow motion while Meow regretfully-and-cryingly forced himself to watch as said thing happened.
“Wow; I feel fat already!” Dandy teasingly told Meow while said “cat” dropped the Japanese comic book that he had been trying to read onto the couch that he had been sitting on and then immediately got back up onto his feet in order to very-tightly clutch his head with both of his hands and devastatedly look straight down at the floor of the living room that he, Dandy and QT were in. Meanwhile, Corona-Chan already was flying straight back up Meow’s throat and into his brain.
“UGH...Meow really is such a fracking BABY…” QT crossed his arms over his chest, hatefully glared at Meow and disgustedly thought to himself as Meow spent quite-literally two entire minutes speechlessly standing on the floor of Dandy’s living room and crying like a little girl due to the fact that Dandy had just eaten one of “his” donuts. Meanwhile, Dandy licked the fingers of his left hand and said “MMM, MMM, MMM!” before then crossing his arms behind his back, somewhat-worriedly looking at Meow, and surprisingly-patiently waiting for said “cat” to calm down while Corona-Chan was busy entering and hacking the central nervous system of said “cat”.
“Oh, I’M sorry; have you decided that you actually DO want to ingest some of the ludicrously unhealthy garbage that our new refrigerator is completely loaded with right now?” Dandy got extremely close to Meow’s left set of hearing antennae and then extremely-mockingly began saying directly into it while said “cat” was busy trying to recover from how much Dandy apparently had just traumatized him. Meanwhile, Corona-Chan already had entered Meow’s quite-amusingly small, hollow, dusty and cobweb-containing brain and began taking control of his body by using the Central Nervous Super-Computer that his frontal lobe somehow contained as Dandy spoke.
“Have YOU decided that you want to shut the frack up?” Meow rather-angrily asked Dandy while shyly looking away from said man and nervously sweating as the loading screen of the body-controlling program that Corona-Chan had just activated inside the brain of the poor “cat” reached 25%. “Oh, MEOW?” Dandy gaily fluttered his eyelashes at Meow and extremely-mockingly asked him.
“WHAT?” Meow very-angrily growled at Dandy while desperately struggling to keep his self-control. Meanwhile, inside Meow’s brain, Corona-Chan far-too-proudly sat in her new Meow-controlling seat, tightly fastened its quite-frighteningly non-lockable glorified seatbelts that far-too-fittingly made it look like a roller coaster seat, and devilishly grinned from ear to ear as the loading screen of the body-controlling program that she had just activated inside Meow’s frontal lobe reached 33%.
“ARE YOU ON A DIET?” Dandy rather-loudly asked Meow while smiling in an extremely cartoonish way. “You totally CAN tell me if you are on one, you know!” Dandy told Meow in a highly-visibly failed attempt to reassure him. “WHAT?!” Meow horrifiedly shrieked at the top of his lungs as the loading screen of the body-controlling program that Corona-Chan had just activated inside his brain reached 42%.
“O-Of COURSE not; why would you say such a thing? I’m naturally small and THIN! In fact, I currently am the main cause of my fellow Betelgeusians making themselves HURL!” Meow completely buckled under the pressure that Dandy was exerting on him and blatantly lied to said man in an extremely nervous-sounding way in the process of doing so as the loading screen of the body-controlling program that Corona-Chan had just activated inside his brain reached 50%. “WHOOPSIE!” Dandy yelled in an utterly ludicrous falsetto as he lifted the bottom of Meow’s blatantly-too-large shirt with his right hand in order to reveal the highly fat belly that Meow had been very-poorly hiding beneath said shirt.
“PEEKABOO! I saw it! There your big and fat belly is! There it is again! HELLO! It’s STILL THERE! Fatty! Fatass! Here we go! Fatty! Fatty, fatty, fatty, fatty, fatty-” Dandy began mercilessly-teasingly saying to Meow while repeatedly lifting and lowering the bottom of the poor Betelgeusian’s shirt with his right hand. Unfortunately, however, said teasing caused Meow to become so overloaded with anger that he completely lost his mind despite the fact that the loading screen of the body-controlling program that Corona-Chan had just activated inside his brain actually was at 75% rather than being at 100%.
“AHHHHHH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAH!” Meow maniacally laughed in almost-exactly the voice of Ren Hoek while bloodshot-eyedly and extremely-tightly clutching his head with both of his hands. “OH, DAN-DEEEEEE! COME HEEEEEERE!” Meow extremely-happy-soundingly squeaked as he forcefully dragged Dandy into the Aloha Oe’s main bathroom and then rather-loudly slammed and locked the door of said bathroom behind himself while QT horrifiedly said “GULP” in response.
“APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT YOU HAVE JUST SAID TO ME RIGHT FRACKING NOW, UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO BEAT YOU TO FRACKING DEATH!” Meow furiously screamed at Dandy as he pinned said man down on the floor of the bathroom that the two of them were in with a combination of his knees and his weight and brutally-and-repeatedly punched said man right in the face with both of his hands while being atop his chest and doing so. Meanwhile, inside Meow’s brain, Corona-Chan quite-arousedly whispered “yeah; BEAT that son of a bitch up” while the loading screen of the body-controlling program that she had just activated inside Meow’s frontal lobe reached 98%.
“OKAY, okay; I’m fracking SORRY! Jesus CHRIST, dude!” Dandy indignantly and bloody-facedly yelled at Meow as said Betelgeusian briefly stopped punching him in order to cross his arms over his chest and hatefully glare and hiss at him. “TRY AGAIN!” Meow angrily yelled at Dandy as he ferociously swung a combination of both of his fists straight down and into the face of said man, causing said man to briefly-yet-terrifyingly become unconscious due to how much of a beating he had just taken.
“Um...MEOW? Are...are you OKAY?” QT gently pushed the palms of his hands toward Meow and utterly-terrified-lookingly asked him as he (Meow) finally began walking back out of the bathroom that he had just locked Dandy into while suddenly being completely calm again. “Well, at least I’m more okay than THIS guy!” Meow snickeringly replied as he dragged Dandy’s unconscious body back out of said bathroom and showed its rather-heavily disfigured face to QT.
“OH, MY GOD!” QT rather-loudly gasped in terror while very-tightly covering his mouth with both of his hands as he saw Dandy’s extremely bruised and bloody-nosed face. “Eh...who cares? Due to how quickly Dandy always does recover from this type of stuff, those injuries will pretty-much-instantly disappear any- HEY! Watch where you’re GOING, ya FOOL!” QT shruggingly-and-relievedly admitted as Meow gently lowered Dandy onto the floor of the hallway that he and QT were in...then suddenly shook his right fist at Meow and aggravatedly yelled at him as he (Meow) immediately started running back into the Aloha Oe’s living room at an abnormally fast speed.
“Tee hee hee hee hee...Meow really is SO hilariously fracking pathetic! Even when his brain is NOT being directly controlled by someone else, he STILL loves junk food so fracking much that he almost-completely loses his self-control whenever a sufficiently large and tempting supply of the stuff is near him!” Corona-Chan increasingly-excitedly giggled and whispered to herself as the loading screen of the body-controlling program that she had just activated inside Meow’s brain finally reached 100%. Needless to say, once Corona-Chan had finally finished taking control of Meow’s body, said Betelgeusian immediately started devouring the bacon-and-cheese-filled donuts that Dandy’s new refrigerator contained like a completely wild beast, with an unbelievably-excessively large amount of soda being the drink that he washed the comically unhealthy food that he was eating down with while QT crossed his arms over his chest and exasperatedly glared and sighed at Meow in response to said completely shameless and utterly disgusting display of both gluttony and absolute idiocy.
ONE UNBELIEVABLY MASSIVE JUNK-FOOD-EATING SPREE LATER…
“Jesus CHRIST, Meow; are you fracking FULL yet?! You have eaten almost an entire FIFTH of the donuts that this new fridge of ours contained when Dandy got it today AND have DRANK almost an entire fracking THIRD of the soda that it contained when Dandy got it today! Just LOOK at what you have just done to your fracking body, you fat piece of garbage!” QT frantically dug through the remaining contents of Dandy’s new refrigerator with his hands and furiously ranted at Meow, who had become grotesquely obese and was almost-completely-immobilizedly lying face-up on the floor of the Aloha Oe’s living room like a giant sugar-loaded beanbag as QT spoke.
ONE REMOVAL OF MEOW’S CROCS LATER...
“UGH...what’s going on in- OH, MY GOODNESS!” Dandy woke up from his unconsciousness, walked back into the Aloha Oe’s living room and then light-headedly began asking QT and Meow while clutching his intensely aching face with his left hand...before then rather-tightly clutching his intensely aching head using both of his hands and quite-loudly screaming in terror as he saw the absolutely enormous ball of fat that Meow had just turned himself into due to a combination of his aforementioned gluttony and the fact that Corona-Chan had taken control of his body after/by sneaking into his brain and was quite-eagerly waiting for a proper chance to re-take control of said body without blowing her cover as Dandy spoke.
“Um...I can explain! I, uhh...I needed to cause Meow to wiggle his legs and laugh so that he would get some exercise!” QT extremely-embarrassedly waved his hands back and forth and told Dandy due to the fact that said man also had just seen him lovingly tickling and rubbing Meow’s completely exposed and defenseless bare feet (which, for some reason, were rather big and sexy in this story) with said hands and even-more-lovingly sucking some of the dirt crumbs and sweat droplets that were on said feet off of them with the vacuuming holes that the palms of said hands featured as he did so. Meanwhile, Dandy stuck his tongue out and nauseatedly winced, with Meow and QT far-too-clearly knowing that Dandy largely was just jealous of QT’s devotion to Meow as Dandy did so.
“UH-HUH...well, at least Meow’s shirt somehow has grown with him, I suppose...anyway, it looks like there’s only one thing left for us to do about this utterly revolting monstrosity that Meow has become!” Dandy crossed his arms over his chest and increasingly-confidently told QT. “I REALLY don’t like where this seems to be going…” Meow and QT worriedly thought to themselves as Dandy did so.
“Let me guess; you want to give Meow liposuction, right?” QT shruggingly asked Dandy, causing Meow to regretfully think “Well, doing that probably would be MUCH easier than doing whatever Dandy is thinking about right now...” to himself while Dandy shook his head back and forth and said “NOPE”. Meanwhile, inside Meow’s brain, Corona-Chan was changing the speed of Meow’s metabolism from being so amazingly fast that gaining weight was quite-nearly impossible for him (the food that he had just eaten really was INCREDIBLY fattening) to being so dreadfully slow that losing weight basically WAS impossible for him and was sadistically grinning from ear to ear as she did so.
“Personally, I’d MUCH rather make Meow go on an exercise-laden journey around a certain very famous planet that actually is extremely close to where we are right now...a certain very famous planet that I like to call EARTH!” Dandy pointed his right index finger straight up into the air and triumphantly told QT and Meow, causing both of said sidekicks to quite-understandably roll their eyes and exasperatedly groan due to the fact that there barely even was anything left ON Earth in this story. Meanwhile, inside Meow’s brain, Corona-Chan increasingly-eagerly readied herself to make Meow do something that he basically NEVER did outside of extremely urgent and life-threatening missions during which he absolutely HAD to do it...exercising, of course! As for the “traveling around the world” part of said exercising, the technology of this story’s version of the Space Dandy universe luckily was so advanced that the Aloha Oe’s flying speed made said trip around the entire home planet of this story’s writer take basically two minutes despite the fact that the Aloha Oe actually was one of Space Dandy’s slowest ships.
ONE FLIGHT OF THE ALOHA OE TO LONDON LATER…
“Come ON, you utterly pathetic little pissant; put your bloated posterior into this!” Dandy angrily told Meow in an extremely stereotypical “British” way while wearing a bowler hat and a fancy suit as he and QT (who was wearing a stovepipe hat and a bow tie) used Meow as a “horse” whose job was pulling the dainty little carriage that he and QT were publicly riding around in. Luckily, however, I’m using the word “publicly” rather loosely in this case, because in this story, a dreadfully unfortunate combination of World War 3 and COVID-19 had caused Earth to become almost-completely deserted and downright-incredibly dilapidated (which was a fact that was made rather obvious by how extremely empty and crumbling-looking the “beautifully classy” streets that Meow was pulling Dandy’s rusty old carriage that QT had found right next to an extremely haunted-looking graveyard through and across were).
“HMPH! You really do have absolutely NO dignity, Meow!” QT indignantly told Meow as said hilariously fat Betelgeusian exhaustedly collapsed onto the ground and began desperately begging Dandy for non-sugar-loaded water and non-disgusting food. Thankfully, Dandy’s main refrigerator/freezer actually did contain quite healthy amounts of said things in this story, because Meow’s body absolutely did not, and overall, neither did London.
ONE FLIGHT OF THE ALOHA OE TO SOUTH AFRICA LATER…
“DANCING! WE’RE DANCING! You’re not the greatest, because I am the greatest! NO! WE’RE BOTH GREAT! WHEEEEEE!” Dandy and Meow excitedly and tribal-clothing-wearingly sang as they fiercely slammed their butts together (causing Dandy to quite-nearly fall over due to how big Meow’s butt had become) and extremely-drunk-lookingly danced and twirled all over the place in the middle of one of Cape Town’s immensely war-torn and corpse-littered streets. Meanwhile, QT (who was playing a remarkably cool-looking pair of African hand drums for the amusement of Dandy and Meow) and the ghosts of numerous dead African people very-annoyedly thought “what in the actual Hell are these fracking idiots DOING?” to themselves. Whatever the correct answer to said question was, it definitely was not “losing a very large amount of weight” in Meow’s case (or Dandy’s, since Dandy already was rather skinny).
ONE FLIGHT OF THE ALOHA OE TO THE MIDDLE EAST LATER…
“Stop running away from us, you filthy little piece of shemagh-wearing SCUM!” Dandy jokingly yelled at Meow in an extremely stereotypical US American redneck/hillbilly accent as he and QT foot-chased an even more Middle-Eastern-looking (and much fatter) version of Meow through and across the dreadfully dusty and desolate streets of Iraq while respectively wearing a US Army soldier suit and a US Army soldier hat and also-respectively brandishing a hunting knife and a kitchen knife. “You might be able to run, but you DEFINITELY cannot hide from US!” QT frustratedly told Meow as he and Dandy finally got Meow properly trapped against a wall.
“NOOOOOO!” Meow tightly closed his eyes, equally-tightly clutched his head using both of his hands, curled himself up into a fetus-shaped ball and horrifiedly screamed as Dandy and QT sadistically-grinningly began poking him with their knives...which, as Meow very-quickly realized, actually were rubber knives that incredibly-convincingly looked like real knives. “Of fracking COURSE…” Meow extremely-irritatedly groaned as Dandy and QT smugly-grinningly dropped said knives onto the ground.
“Come on, Meow; don’t you know that we actually are just pulling your BEARD when we do this type of stuff to you?” Dandy teasingly-but-lovingly asked Meow as he surprisingly-gently began tugging on the blatantly fake and quite-excessively large and long Middle Eastern beard that said Betelgeusian was intensely rolling his eyes while humiliatingly being forced to wear with his left hand. “We would NEVER try to kill you after how much of our food you have eaten and how little you have done for us; don’t be silly, you silly GOOSE!” QT sarcastically told Meow while playfully patting the poor Betelgeusian’s head with the palm of his right hand. Meanwhile, Meow frustratedly-and-depressedly sat on the ground while intensely-frowningly crossing his arms over his chest and regretfully thought “I really do hate my life so fracking much” to himself.
ONE FLIGHT OF THE ALOHA OE TO RUSSIA LATER…
“WOO-HOO! This is even better than PROFESSIONAL wrestling!” Dandy excitedly cheered while drinking vodka straight out of its bottle as he and QT lazily-and-happily sat on their lawn chairs in the extremely cold and dead-looking remains of Khimki Forest while respectively wearing a thick jacket and an ushanka as the giant three-eyed grizzly bear that the sweater-wearing Meow had been wrestling with (and, of course, getting majorly beaten up by) very-widely opened its mouth and increasingly-eagerly readied itself to eat Meow. However, while said grizzly bear was doing so, Corona-Chan used her superhumanly powerful mind to channel the energy that allowed her to shrink herself into Meow’s brain while also channeling said energy into herself, causing Meow to become small enough to be able to easily fit inside the throat of said grizzly bear while she remained small enough to be able to properly fit inside the brain of Meow.
“Mr. Bear, I’ll have you know that I am doing this FOR THE GLORY OF MOTHER RUSSIA!” the suddenly small-rat-sized Meow valiantly yelled at the top of his lungs, causing the power of Mother Russia to suddenly make him even more invincible than the power of his version of Toon Force had already been making him as he fearlessly jumped straight into the mouth of the grizzly bear that had been attacking him while it was busy trying to properly eat him like the fat little rat that Corona-Chan basically had just turned him into and then immediately ran straight down its tongue and began crawling through its esophagus and into its stomach while it increasingly-terrifiedly was able to feel him doing so. “Meow really IS absolutely insane, isn’t he?” QT crossed his arms over his chest and rather-worriedly groaned as Meow finally reached the bear’s aforementioned fish-and-human-filled stomach and then immediately began savagely-and-effortlessly cutting, ripping and tearing said stomach into horrifically mangled and bloody pieces with his claws and teeth while extremely-literally being too manly for the bear to able to digest him.
“GYAAAAAAH!” the bear that Meow was inside weepingly screamed in agony as Meow crawled back up its throat and then immediately gave it an extremely literal heart attack with his claws. “Good night, sweet prince…” the bear that Meow was inside light-headedly said to itself before then gaily twirling like a ballerina and deadly collapsing face-first onto the ground. Naturally enough, Meow incredibly-smugly walked back out of the mouth of said bear and got enlarged back to his normal size by Corona-Chan a few seconds later while Dandy and QT completely-speechlessly stared at him.
“Wow, Meow; I didn’t know that you had the ability to SHRINK yourself!” Dandy very-confusedly scratched the back of his head with his left hand and chucklingly told Meow, causing QT to cross his arms over his chest and sarcastically think “neither did I...” to himself while rather-worriedly glaring at Dandy and rather-curiously wondering how stupid said man actually was. Meanwhile, the blood-soaked Meow placed his arms behind his head, crossed his legs and seductively glared at QT while licking his lips, causing QT to quite-loudly gag in total disgust.
“However, there’s something that I really do need to ask you right now; are you REALLY conceited enough to call whatever in the actual fracking HELL you have just done to that poor, POOR bear a fair way to win a fight?” Dandy somewhat-irritatedly asked Meow as he suddenly decided to surprisingly-gently set his vodka bottle down onto the ground and then immediately begin walking toward the poor little Betelgeusian in order to comfort him. “Hey; as long as it works!” Meow shrugged his shoulders and triumphantly laughed as Dandy got down onto his knees and lovingly hugged the poor little Betelgeusian; meanwhile, in Meow’s literal “seat of consciousness”, Corona-Chan far-too-eagerly waited for the next thing that she presumably would get to make the poor little Betelgeusian do while secretly being inside his quite-fittingly small and hollow brain.
ONE FLIGHT OF THE ALOHA OE TO CHINA LATER…
“Come on, Meow; put your fracking BACK into it!” Dandy frustratedly encouraged Meow as the two of them gas-mask-wearingly rode their bicycles along the top of the very dilapidated remains of the Great Wall of China (which was a wall that roughly 33% of the total length of had basically disappeared) while the sky that surrounded them was busy being so gray, light-polluted and foggy that the two of them barely even were able to see where they were going (let alone the extremely barren and over-industrialized land and even-more-extremely polluted and murky water that surrounded them). “Why don’t YOU watch where you’re GOING, ya FOOL?” Meow angrily yelled at Dandy as the bicycle that said man was riding quite-nearly bumped into the one that he was riding.
“What an incredibly interesting thing for Meow to be saying while being in THIS fracking place…” QT dejectedly and conical-hat-wearingly thought to himself as he increasingly-worriedly followed Dandy and Meow using his built-in wheels. Meanwhile, inside Meow’s brain, Corona-Chan depressedly and head-shakingly looked at the nightmarish wasteland that the people of her home country had turned said country into through Meow’s eyes and thought “Humans really are such utterly disgusting creatures...” to herself while tightly gripping his brain’s built-in steering wheel with both of her hands and desperately trying to not start crying as the theme song of Super Metroid’s Lower Brinstar played inside Meow’s head due to how oddly-perfectly fitting of a theme song it was for the things that he was looking at.
ONE FLIGHT OF THE ALOHA OE TO TOKYO (JAPAN) LATER…
“Alright, Meow; now that you actually HAVE gotten slightly less fat then you were when we started doing all of this crazy stuff, it’s about time for you to show me what you can do as a REAL fighter who isn’t a totally pathetic cheater!” Dandy excitedly told Meow as the two of them bravely and bare-footedly stood in front of each other and faced each other in the middle of the main fighting room of “Dandy’s” extremely wooden dojo that quite-literally looked as if it was about to fall apart. “Gee; I sure do WONDER which one of these two characters is going to lose this fight!” QT shruggingly-and-sarcastically thought to himself as he looked at the white gi that Dandy was wearing and the pink gi that Meow was wearing while reluctantly watching the antics of the two of them from the sidelines (the furthest-from-the-center part of the floor of said room).
“I accept your challenge.” Meow surprisingly-respectfully said as he and Dandy very-politely bowed toward each other while a rather loud “gong” sound effect played in the background. Meanwhile, inside Meow’s brain, Corona-Chan suddenly was joined by an even more unwelcome new occupant of the poor little Betelgeusian’s central nervous system...the ghost of Dan Hibiki!
“Who in the actual Hell are YOU?!” Corona-Chan bewilderedly asked Dan as said man suddenly entered Meow’s brain and then obnoxiously yelled “YAHOO!” directly into the poor woman’s right ear. “My name is Dan Hibiki, and you’d BETTER remember it, because my fighting style is the strongest one on this entire fracking PLANET!” Dan incredibly-arrogantly explained to Corona-Chan while self-lovingly flexing his muscles and unbelievably-smugly grinning from ear to ear in the process.
“UHH…” Corona-Chan confusedly said out loud while raising her left eyebrow at Dan.
“MOVE over, you fracking slowpoke! What Meow needs right now is the fighting expertise of a TRULY legendary and BRILLIANT warrior such as me, and you look like a total fracking BIMBO to me!” Dan mockingly told Corona-Chan as he very-rudely un-buckled and shoved her out of Meow’s “seat of consciousness” with his rather-surprisingly strong arms and then immediately took complete control of Meow’s body by quite-literally entering (flying into) his Central Nervous Super-Computer as Meow and Dandy FINALLY finished their pre-fight praying session and began fighting each other. Unfortunately for Meow, having Dan’s fighting style was NOT as beneficial as said man made it sound...or WAS it?
“GA-D’OH-KEN!” Meow valiantly yelled as he forcefully thrusted the palm of his right hand directly toward Dandy and produced a pitifully small and blatantly fake Hadoken ball that appeared for exactly one split second and then immediately disappeared by doing so. Meanwhile, QT quite-understandably face-palmed himself using both of his hands and hopelessly whispered “I wanna die…” to himself as Dandy tightly clutched his chest using both of HIS hands and uproariously laughed at Meow while said Betelgeusian increasingly-intensely growled and shook with rage.
“Can you withstand the power of my Dandy Kick?” Dandy teasingly asked Meow as he jumped directly toward Meow in order to deliver a Ryu-style jump kick directly to the poor little Betelgeusian’s face. “KORYUKEN!” Meow excitedly yelled as he performed a pathetically weak and short-range spinning anti-air uppercut and did so far too early, causing himself to quite-painfully-and-deservedly get kicked right in the face by Dandy. “YAH-HOOOOOO!” Meow idiotically yelled as he jumped all the way across the room like Mario in order to avoid the rather-excessively intricate series of non-aerial kicks and punches that said aerial kick was followed by.
“WHEEEEEE!” Meow childishly yelled as he jumped directly toward Dandy in an almost-perfectly horizontal way and then surprisingly-forcefully kicked said man right in the face three incredibly well-done times in a row. “SHUN GOKU SATSU!” Meow furiously yelled as he unleashed an absurdly large and fast series of extremely forceful punches and kicks directly into Dandy and completely knocked said man out in the process. “My fracking DAD could have beaten you in that fight, and he’s DEAD!” Meow looked down at Dandy and hatefully sneered at him after QT had finally finished yelling “KAY OH” at the top of his lungs and amazedly clapping his hands.
“Well, THAT certainly did just happen...” Corona-Chan clutched her aching head with her right hand and very-confusedly groaned as Dan FINALLY flew back out of Meow’s head and allowed her to get back into Meow’s “seat of consciousness” without making “the amazing and legendary Dan Hibiki” extremely angry by doing so. Meanwhile, Meow bewilderedly clutched HIS rather weird-feeling head with his left hand and wondered who/what had just gotten into him while QT fanboyishly and heart-eyedly jumped for joy and said “Sweet JESUS, Meow; that fight was absolutely fracking AMAZING!” to him.
“HMPH! This is exactly what Dandy gets for calling me fat!” Meow smirkingly thought to himself as he looked down at Dandy (who was lying face-down on the floor) and saw how relievingly unconscious said man was. “Well, it looks like North and South America are the next two places on our visiting list…” QT somewhat-worriedly thought to himself as he unlocked the smartphone that Dandy had left in his (Dandy’s) regular clothes and began looking at the “visiting list” that said man had made using its Notes app. Unfortunately, what Meow ended up doing in North America was incredibly stereotypical itself and was stereotypical in an extremely bad and embarrassing way.
ONE FLIGHT OF THE ALOHA OE TO NEW YORK CITY (NORTH AMERICA) LATER…
“Look, Meow; I really do completely understand how extremely frustrated the fact that you barely have lost any of the weight that your new snacks have caused you to gain despite how small of an amount of them you have ingested during this incredibly weird trip around Planet Earth has caused you to become, but can you PLEASE just go to at least ONE of this city’s gyms and give yourself some proper non-goofy exercise before you become any fatter?” QT asked Meow while nervously backing away from said Betelgeusian and pointing the palms of his hands directly toward said Betelgeusian as the two of them frustratedly stood in front of each other and faced each other in the Aloha Oe’s living room. Meanwhile, in the Aloha Oe’s main bedroom, Dandy was sleeping atop his bed and was about to finally finish recovering from how intensely Meow had just beaten him up in Tokyo.
“NO! I SIMPLY CANNOT FRACKING TOLERATE THIS UTTERLY AGONIZING NIGHTMARE ANYMORE! THEREFORE, I’M GOING TO MINDLESSLY STUFF MYSELF WITH DONUTS AND SODA UNTIL I DIE AS THE TOTAL FRACKING PIG THAT I HAVE LIVED AS!” Meow maniacally laughed and screamed as he frantically ran/crawled directly toward Dandy’s new refrigerator and then immediately began eating and drinking the remaining donuts and soda that said refrigerator contained like a completely wild animal. Meanwhile, QT extremely-depressedly thought “I give up” to himself and began flying the Aloha Oe straight back up into outer space while Meow’s hilariously over-the-top screaming and yelling abruptly woke Dandy right back up.
ONE HORRIFICALLY MASSIVE JUNK-FOOD-EATING SPREE LATER, IN SPACE…
“Meow, WHAT in God’s fracking name is WRONG with you? Firstly, I’m supposed to be SLEEPING right now; secondly, you now have eaten and drank what appears to basically be HALF of the donuts that my new refrigerator contained when I got it today and two THIRDS of the soda that it contained when I got it today!” Dandy frustratedly ranted at Meow as he very-reluctantly walked back into the Aloha Oe’s living room and extremely-disappointedly saw both the absolutely-disgustingly huge living ball of fat that Meow had just willingly allowed himself to continue being and how unbelievably large of a portion of the initial contents of the aforementioned “junk fridge” that said room contained somehow had already been consumed by said utterly obnoxious living ball of fat. “You probably are going to literally fracking DIE if you ingest any more of that garbage!” Dandy threw his arms out beside himself and disgustedly warned Meow while QT horrifiedly thought “Probably? More like DEFINITELY!” to himself in agreement.
“Dandy, I’ve been too shy to properly tell you about this for FAR too long of a time, but I’m pretty sure that I literally am not even in proper control of my own fracking body right now!” Meow tightly clutched his chest using both of his hands while helplessly lying on his back and regretfully told Dandy as his intensely aching stomach quite-loudly growled and gurgled due to how many donuts it had just gotten filled with. “I fracking KNEW it…” QT crossed his arms over his chest and exasperatedly thought to himself while Dandy desperately continued trying to figure out what was going on.
“What do you fracking MEAN, you aren’t in proper control of your own body right now? What; is there some kind of evil GERM hiding in your brain and literally pushing your buttons right now or something?” Dandy crossed his arms over his chest and aggravatedly asked Meow, causing Corona-Chan to intensely-blushingly think “Well, YES…” to herself while Meow humiliatedly said “I think so...” to Dandy. “Well, in that case, I guess that there really IS only thing left for QT and I to do about the utterly revolting monstrosity that you have become!” Dandy pointed his right index finger straight up into the air and valiantly admitted while QT boredly-and-shruggingly rolled his eyes and thought “Oh, BOY; what is Dandy’s utterly fracking crazy plan going to be THIS time?” to himself.
“Oh, for the love of God, PLEASE don’t tell me that you and QT are going to-” Meow horrifiedly began begging as he suddenly realized that Dandy was planning to send QT and himself into his body. “Indeed, QT and I are going to shrink ourselves to microscopic sizes and then fly into your body in order to see what REALLY is going on inside your head, whether you like the fact that QT and I are going to do so or do NOT like said fact!” Dandy placed his arms behind his head and chucklingly told Meow, causing said Betelgeusian to become extremely green-faced and quite-nearly pass out.
“FINE...Dandy, I’ll get our body-entering suits out of the nearby storage room that you have been keeping them in.” QT loudly sighed and then very-reluctantly told Dandy before then immediately going to said storage room and pulling said suits out of it. Meanwhile, Dandy crossed his arms over his chest, repeatedly tapped his right foot against the floor of the Aloha Oe’s living room, and increasingly-eagerly waited for QT to finally finish grabbing the body-entering suits that he had asked him to grab.
“Alright, Dandy; here they are!” QT somewhat-worriedly told Dandy as he finally came back into the Aloha Oe’s living room while holding his body-entering suit with his right hand and holding Dandy’s body-entering suit with his left hand. “Is there anything else that you would like to say to Meow before you and I go into his body, Dandy?” QT curiously asked Dandy, causing said man to smilingly nod his head as the two of them quickly-yet-quietly put their aforementioned body-entering suits on and gave Space Dandy’s viewers a quite good-looking view of Dandy wearing nothing but his underpants in the process.
“PLEASE stay calm and upright, Meow; there probably is quite a bit of work that QT and I are going to end up having to do inside your body, and you definitely DO know how fragile internal organs can be!” Dandy surprisingly-politely warned Meow as he (Dandy) finally finished changing himself into his body-entering suit and moved his ray gun into its gun holster. “SIGH...yes, I do know that, Mister Professional Doctor…” Meow depressedly thought to himself as Dandy and QT pushed him back up onto his feet with all of their might and then leaned him against a nearby wall of the Aloha Oe’s living room so that his internal organs wouldn’t be tilted at extremely weird angles while the two of them were busy exploring/repairing his body.
“Alright, QT; when I say ‘ZERO’, be ready to shrink! THREE...TWO...ONE...ZERO!” Dandy increasingly-excitedly told QT as he surprisingly-carefully used one of the alternative functions of his ray gun to fire shrinking beams in order to shrink said robot to a microscopic size and then shrink himself to another microscopic size. Naturally enough, the equipment that Dandy and QT were wearing and carrying shrunk with them while Meow increasingly-fearfully trembled due to a combination of how irresistibly delicious the remaining contents of Dandy’s new refrigerator were and the fact that Dandy was about to enter his body while carrying a rather powerful gun.
“Dandy, are you REALLY sure that you aren’t going to accidentally kill Meow and/or severely damage his brain in the process of us doing this?” QT looked at Dandy and very-worriedly asked him as he (Dandy) quickly placed his ray gun back into the gun holster of his suit and then eagerly looked straight up at Meow’s mouth and nose. “RELAX, QT; honestly, when have I EVER had an unforgivably bad idea?” Dandy shrugged his shoulders and over-confidently asked QT while lovingly patting the head of said robot with his right hand, causing said robot to exasperatedly roll his eyes and say “Practically every fracking WEEK, Dandy!” to Dandy while crossing his arms over his chest.
“QT, please just trust me when I say that I KNOW what I am doing right now! I have watched numerous cartoon episodes that are about characters entering the bodies of other characters, and the goofy little mis-adventure that THIS cartoon episode has been about so far already is EXACTLY like said episodes! Meow will be totally FINE!” Dandy crossed his arms over his chest and reassuringly told QT, causing said robot to shruggingly say “Well, at least we aren’t about to enter the terrifyingly fragile internal organs of a GOOD sidekick!” to the completely-agreeingly head-nodding Dandy while Meow released an extremely gross burp from his mouth and then childishly laughed about how loud the soda that he had been drinking had caused said burp to be.
“Let’s see how cute this fat little kitten is on the INSIDE!” Dandy very-excitedly told the considerably less excited QT as he and said robot used the fact that their suits were filled with Pyonium energy that caused said suits to allow them to fly like Superman (and change their sizes) as a way to fly straight into Meow’s mouth while said Betelgeusian was busy widely opening it in order to allow Dandy and QT to fly into it. Naturally enough, said mouth was an utterly nasty one.
“Jesus CHRIST, how much fracking sugar do the donuts and soda that Meow has been consuming CONTAIN?!” Dandy tightly clutched his thankfully visor-featuring and entire-head-covering helmet using both of his hands and immensely-disgustedly yelled as he and QT stood atop Meow’s grimy and slimy tongue and quite-reluctantly looked at the absolutely hideous brownish-yellow THINGS that the unbelievably massive amount of sugar consumption that said Betelgeusian had been doing had turned his teeth into. “I don’t even WANT to know the answer to that question…” QT agreeingly-and-shudderingly groaned as he and Dandy quickly-yet-quietly flew down Meow’s throat in order to examine his stomach, liver, lungs and heart.
“GULP!” Meow extremely-nervously said out loud as Dandy and QT flew straight into his stomach and then immediately began hovering directly above the absolutely massive pile of fat and processed sugar that said intensely rumbling, growling and aching stomach contained. “Please don’t accidentally kill me, Dandy; PLEASE don’t accidentally kill me, Dandy…” Meow tightly closed his eyes and increasingly-worriedly thought to himself while Dandy and QT were busy being utterly disgusted by how much worthless garbage said piece of worthless garbage had been putting into his body.
“If we don’t hurry up and help this poor guy, he probably IS going to have a fracking heart attack!” QT very-tightly clutched his head using both of his hands and VERY-horrifiedly told Dandy as the two of them regretfully looked down at the comically enormous pile of blatantly toxic factory-made sludge that was directly below them before then quickly flying back out of Meow’s stomach through the hole that they had entered it through. “Probably? More like DEFINITELY!” Dandy completely-agreeingly told QT as the two of them hastily flew into Meow’s far-too-clearly dying liver.
“Yup; Meow almost-AS-probably is going to die from how high his blood sugar level currently is if we don’t find a good way to fix THIS problem!” Dandy crossed his arms over his chest and exasperatedly groaned as he and the equally frustrated-looking QT hovered directly above the giant pool of blood that Meow’s liver contained and saw how extremely sugar-loaded and bubbly said pool had become. “Meow almost already IS dead to me…” QT shruggingly and extremely-disappointedly admitted to Dandy as the two of them gracefully flew into Meow’s very dusty and cobweb-filled lungs.
“BLECH! This repulsive mess is EXACTLY why I keep telling Meow to stop spending SO much fracking time indoors!” QT disgustedly ranted as he incredibly-skillfully vacuumed the aforementioned dust and cobwebs that Meow’s lungs contained out of them with the vacuuming-hole-featuring palms of his hands (thankfully, the palms of his suit’s gloves featured another pair of giant holes so that he would be able to do so while wearing them) while also instantaneously “digesting” said dust and cobwebs using his version of a stomach. “Meow generally needs to come out of his shell REALLY fracking badly…” Dandy regretfully admitted as he and QT rather-reluctantly flew into Meow’s rapidly beating and VERY cholesterol-and-fat-loaded heart.
“Well, at least I can properly breathe now…” Meow somewhat-relievedly thought to himself while Dandy and QT were busy wondering how said Betelgeusian was going to manage to NOT die from how frightfully clogged-up his heart’s blood-transporting tubes were becoming. “Well, at THIS point, I guess that there really IS only one thing left for us to do…” QT regretfully looked straight down and depressedly told Dandy after the two of them finished flying back out of Meow’s heart and into his esophagus. “Well, what do you think that said thing is? Are you saying that we should play with Meow’s uvula in order to force the poor guy to vomit?” Dandy shrugged his shoulders and listlessly asked QT, causing said robot to completely lose his patience with said man.
“IT’S CALLED A BRAIN, YOU FRACKING DUMBASS; WE NEED TO ENTER MEOW’S BRAIN AND SEE WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE IT! YOU AND MEOW LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT A FEW FRACKING MINUTES AGO!” QT very-tightly grabbed Dandy’s shoulders with his hands and then furiously yelled at said man while surprisingly-intensely shaking him. “However, we probably SHOULD also trigger his gag reflex…” QT suddenly decided to let go of Dandy and surprisingly-calmly admit as the two of them somewhat-reluctantly readied themselves for a journey into the completely defenseless and extremely fragile core of Meow’s central nervous system.
“Hmm...well, at least I haven’t died YET…” Meow somewhat-relievedly thought to himself as Dandy and QT very-quickly flew straight back up his throat and into his mouth in order to do some good old-fashioned uvula-touching. “HURK!” Meow rather-loudly gagged as Dandy very-tightly grabbed the left side of his (Meow’s) bifid uvula with both of his hands while QT equally-tightly grabbed its right side with both of HIS hands.
“Meow is a little teapot, short and stout! Here is his handle; here is his spout!” Dandy and QT teasingly sang as they began forcefully tugging on Meow’s uvula with their hands, causing said Betelgeusian to embarrassedly-and-blushingly cover his mouth using both of HIS hands and then immediately run straight into the Aloha Oe’s main bathroom (which he naturally ended up having to extremely-cartoonishly squeeze himself through the entrance of due to how fat he was) in order to do some good old-fashioned bulimic vomiting. “Uh-oh; I think that the volcano that Meow has turned his digestive system into is about to erupt!” Dandy frightenedly warned QT as he and said robot immediately flew straight up the back of Meow’s throat in order to then equally-immediately fly straight through the inside of his nose and into his poor, POOR little brain.
“BLEAUGH!” Meow nauseously yelled as he got down onto his knees, very-tightly grabbed the rim of his toilet’s bowl using both of his hands and extremely-intensely vomited into said bowl while Dandy and QT were busy pointing and laughing at how incredibly-fittingly small and weak-looking his brain was. “I really do wish that I could never have to look at this extremely unhealthy trash that I have been ingesting again, but at least my stomach now hurts considerably less and isn’t making an absolute ton of noise anymore…” Meow immensely-disgustedly groaned as he briefly looked down at the absolutely massive load of sludge that he had just thrown up into his toilet and then sighingly flushed said toilet while Dandy and QT finally entered (flew into) his poor little Betelgeusian brain.
“CORONA-CHAN?! What in God’s fracking name are YOU doing in here?” Dandy threw his arms out in front of himself and bewilderedly asked Corona-Chan after landing on the floor of Meow’s thankfully upright brain and rather-surprisingly catching said woman in the act of idly sitting in Meow’s “seat of consciousness” and forcing herself to NOT continue controlling and destroying the body of said Betelgeusian as she did so in the process of doing so. Meanwhile, QT dutifully vacuumed the dust and cobwebs that Meow’s brain contained out of it with his hands.
“What in God’s name are YOU doing in here, ya FOOL?!” Corona-Chan un-buckled herself out of Meow’s “seat of consciousness”, threw her arms out beside herself and aggravatedly yelled at Dandy, thankfully spitting all over his helmet’s visor rather than spitting all over his face as she did so. “I’m trying to prevent Meow from KILLING himself due to the mental illness that you presumably have given to him, you fracking JERK!” Dandy threw his arms out beside himself and exasperatedly yelled at Corona-Chan, causing said woman to cross her arms behind her back, cross her legs and very-regretfully look straight down at the floor of Meow’s brain while said Betelgeusian was busy tiredly walking back into the Aloha Oe’s living room and then very-depressedly standing in the exact same position that he had previously been standing in.
“Well, ACTUALLY, I am inside this poor guy’s head right now because I HAVE to kill him, not because I WANT to do so.” Corona-Chan somewhat-reluctantly admitted while intensely blushing, crossing her arms behind her back and meekly crossing her legs as she did so. Meanwhile, Dandy rather-surprisingly decided to NOT pull his gun out of his suit’s gun holster and attempt to shoot Corona-Chan with one or more of its anti-virus bullets, mostly because he was both a rather bad gun aimer and a rather-surprisingly nice guy and therefore did not want to end up severely/fatally damaging the brain of the almost-completely useless and parasitic pile of cancer that Meow was by accidentally shooting said brain...but also because Corona-Chan was unbelievably cute and sexy and was causing his penis to become painfully hard while he droolingly-and-blushingly grinned from ear to ear and began daydreaming about having sex with her.
“Jesus CHRIST, dude; are you fracking DONE yet? You DO know that I am a fracking VIRUS, right?” Corona-Chan placed her hands onto her hips and very-annoyedly asked the completely hypnotized Dandy, causing said man to sweatingly and swirly-eyedly say “You and your feet look so fracking juicy and delicious that I quite-frankly don’t even care WHAT you are!” to her as a comically large amount of saliva dripped/flowed from his mouth. Meanwhile, QT (who had just finished vacuuming Meow’s brain and then very-gently landed right next to Dandy on the floor of said brain) disgustedly face-palmed himself with his left hand and thought “what a total fracking pervert” to himself while Corona-Chan completely-agreeingly nodded her head and glared at Dandy.
“GET A FRACKING GRIP, YOU IDIOT!” QT infuriatedly yelled at Dandy while very-forcefully slapping the face of said man with his (QT’s) right hand. “Ugh...WHERE am I, again? Oh...RIGHT…” Dandy light-headedly and drunk-lookingly groaned, causing Corona-Chan and QT to exasperatedly roll their eyes and sigh as Dandy’s daydream about having sex with Corona-Chan and licking her feet finally ended.

“Basically, some extremely weird simian guy who calls himself Dr. Gel and wears a costume that makes him look like a hilariously stereotypical president of the United States of America wants me to kill the immensely pathetic but largely innocent and very cute Meow so that you will become easier for him to capture and imprison…” Corona-Chan crossed her arms over her chest and surprisingly-calmly told Dandy while said man attention-payingly nodded his head. “...and if I don’t obey his orders, then he is going to give me a quite-literally fatal headache by activating a bomb that he has placed inside MY brain!” Corona-Chan tightly clutched her already-aching head using both of her hands and increasingly-terrifiedly explained to Dandy.
“PLEASE HELP ME! I’M FRACKING BEGGING YOU TO DO SO!” Corona-Chan got down onto her belly, grabbed Dandy’s ankles with her hands and cryingly screamed in terror, causing Dandy and QT to shruggingly look at each other and sigh while Gel (whose Spaceship Of Liberty suddenly was extremely close to the Aloha Oe) was busy listening to everything that she was saying by using a combination of his smartphone’s Voice Recorder app and the aforementioned actual voice recorder that he somehow had implanted into her mouth.
“Hmm...perhaps I SHOULD put the poor woman out of her misery...but who else would even-nearly be as effective of a bio-weapon as her if I did so?” Dr. Gel rather-depressedly wondered/thought to himself (due to the fact that Corona-Chan basically was the only remaining copy of herself and rather-oddly was NOT able to make additional copies of herself without having sex with someone else) as he increasingly-boredly sat on one of his favorite chairs in his Spaceship Of Liberty and used his smartphone’s Bomb Activator app to make the bomb that he had implanted into Corona-Chan’s brain temporarily heat itself up and cause her to feel quite a bit of cerebral pain in the process so that she would know exactly how much her rule-bending was beginning to annoy him. Meanwhile, inside Corona-Chan’s rather-weirdly hollow and giant-computer-containing brain, her literal “inner angel” and her equally literal “inner demon” were hovering right next to the giant bunch of brain-cell-transporting wires that said bomb was being held by and were arguing with each other about whether they wanted Corona-Chan to become a “cat” murderer or wanted her to become a martyr as they did so. Naturally enough, the two of them quite-literally were visible to no one other than themselves (just like everyone else’s inner selves).
“HMPH! Why in the actual Hell are we even arguing about this at ALL? In my current opinion, what Corona-Chan SHOULD be doing right now actually IS exactly what Dr. Gel is telling her to do; after killing Dandy and QT with her incredibly superhuman and extremely superior-to-theirs power, she will then fly into Meow’s torso and then kill HIM by viciously attacking his heart and lungs while he is busy being a pathetically obese and defenseless junk-food-fetish-having FREAK! Dandy and Meow will finally be properly punished for how stupid and lame they are, and Corona-Chan will avoid being killed by Dr. Gel while also earning both his respect and quite-possibly a VERY large amount of money in the process!” Corona-Demon placed her hands onto her hips and increasingly-frustratedly ranted at Corona-Angel while said angel crossed her arms over her chest and disgustedly shook her head in disagreement. “For CRYING out loud, WHAT do you not absolutely fracking LOVE about that idea?!” Corona-Demon threw her arms out beside herself and exasperatedly yelled at Corona-Angel while said angel boredly-and-tiredly thought “Say it; don’t fracking SPRAY it…” to herself.
“What I do not like about said idea mostly is the fact that it quite-clearly is NOT something that Corona-Chan actually does absolutely HAVE to do right now.” Corona-Angel crossed her arms behind her back and incredibly-smugly began explaining to Corona-Demon. “Since Corona-Chan far-TOO-clearly IS an anime character, wouldn’t you and I making her arbitrarily decide that ‘killing is wrong no matter who its victim is’ and ‘heroically’ allow herself to willingly die for said belief in the process of doing so technically make FAR more sense while also making the universe that she lives in a far less dangerous place?” Corona-Angel smirkingly shrugged her shoulders and asked Corona-Demon while said demon VERY-boredly rolled her eyes and sighed.
“Well, yes, but what about the THIRD option that I like to call us being CREATIVE? Why don’t we try causing Corona-Chan to PRETEND to kill Meow so that Gel and Bea will go into Dandy’s spaceship in order to capture Dandy...then causing her to fly straight up Gel’s nose and take control of his brain in order to make him kill Bea with his bare hands, disarm the literally headache-causing bomb that you and I currently are floating right next to by using his smartphone’s Bomb Activator app, and then finally break both his own smartphone and Bea’s smartphone with his aforementioned bare hands...THEN causing her to immediately start dealing untold damage to Gel’s brain, lungs and heart after forcing him to stuff himself with the exact same horrifically unhealthy garbage that he has just sent to Meow until he is so comically fat that he barely even is able to move anymore?” Corona-Demon shifty-eyedly and mischievously-smilingly cupped her hands around Corona-Angel’s right ear and increasingly-excitedly whispered into it, causing Corona-Angel to become intensely aroused and sadistically grin from ear to ear while Corona-Demon far-more-predictably followed suit.
“You really do manage our affairs with SUCH poise!” Corona-Angel lovingly and rather-flirtatiously told Corona-Demon as the two of them immediately flew straight back into the giant-computer-containing part of Corona-Chan’s frontal lobe and then equally-immediately buckled themselves right back into her “seats of consciousness” in order to instantly re-take control of the body that the Central Nervous Super-Computer of said woman was connected to. “Naturally! As do YOU!” Corona-Demon even-more-lovingly and even-more-flirtatiously told Corona-Angel as Corona-Chan suddenly became extremely aroused due to how much she absolutely loved the deliciously brilliant plan that her inner selves had just caused her brain to contain.
“Dandy, PLEASE listen to the thing that I’m about to say to you VERY-carefully, because I currently am almost-completely out of mission-completing time and far-too-probably am going to be killed by Gel and Bea if I say said thing with my mouth while the voice-recording device that the two of them have implanted into said mouth is inside it!” Corona-Chan got back up onto her feet, tightly grabbed the forehead of the extremely surprised-looking Dandy using both of her hands, very-tightly closed her eyes, and then immediately began saying to said man by channeling the thankfully un-recordable telepathic energy that her mind contained directly into his own even-more-thankfully existent mind.
“As you clearly seem to enjoy saying FAR too much, there really is only one truly optimal thing left for us to do right now; you and I need to make Gel and Bea think that I have killed Meow so that I will then become able to sneak into Gel’s body and give him and Bea the deaths that they deserve! If you and I actually do manage to successfully pull said plan off, then you, QT and Meow will all remain completely alive while I will also do so and will never have to follow Gel’s and Bea’s stupid orders again! ALL of us will be victorious!” Corona-Chan increasingly-excitedly continued explaining to Dandy with her mind, causing Dandy to completely-approvingly nod his head and smile while QT confusedly scratched his head with his left index finger and thought “HUH?” to himself. Meanwhile, Gel eagerly began moving his Spaceship Of Liberty even closer to the Aloha Oe while somehow still not being properly aware of the incredibly obvious fact that Corona-Chan had been plotting against him.
“Basically, what Corona-Chan has just told me is that you, her and I need to fake Meow’s death in order to lure Gel and Bea into my ship so that she will become able to enter Gel’s body and cause Gel’s own plan to completely fall apart in the process!” Dandy shifty-eyedly whispered into the left side of QT’s head, causing said robot to approvingly-and-winkingly give him a “thumbs up” gesture with his right hand. Meanwhile, Corona-Chan eagerly readied herself to “attack” Dandy, Meow and QT.
“GET OUT OF MEOW’S BODY RIGHT FRACKING NOW, OR ELSE I AM GOING TO UTTERLY RIP BOTH OF YOU APART WITH MY BARE FRACKING HANDS AND THE LIKE!” Corona-Chan “furiously” and surprisingly-convincingly screamed at Dandy and QT while transforming her fingernails into the absolutely enormous razor-sharp claws that their true forms were, making her mucus tentacles come out of her nose like a pair of freakishly long and slimy worms, and jokingly lunging toward said explorers of outer space as she did so. Despite the fact that said “attempt to attack them” was fake and also rather-clearly was the first part of a plan, it freaked Dandy and QT out so much that the two of them jumpingly screamed in VERY loud and genuine terror and then immediately flew straight back out of Meow’s body through his nose.
“Wow; those two really are SUCH fracking cowards!” Corona-Chan snickeringly and head-shakingly said as she sucked her mucus tentacles back into her nose and transformed her fingernails back into normal human ones. “Goodbye, sweet prince!” Corona-Chan mockingly told Meow as she immediately ran straight back over to said Betelgeusian’s Central Nervous Super-Computer in order to turn his brain off so that Gel and Bea would think that he was dead.
“Alright, now let’s take these suits off of ourselves and reveal my absolutely BEAUTIFUL body in the process of doing so!” Dandy rather-hastily whispered to QT as he used one of the alternative functions of his ray gun to fire enlarging beams in order to enlarge said robot and himself back to their normal sizes. “UGH…” QT exasperatedly rolled his eyes and thought to himself due to how much Dandy loved himself as the two of them took their body-entering suits off and then threw said suits onto the exact same floor that Dandy had thrown his regular outfit onto. “Gel and Bea will NEVER see THIS coming…” Dandy mischievously thought to himself as he suddenly removed his underpants and threw THEM onto the floor of the Aloha Oe’s living room in order to make himself completely naked while QT and Meow bewilderedly glared at him.
“Alright, Gel; I’ve finally killed Meow! Feel free to enter Dandy’s ship and then capture said man while he is busy crying and screaming like a total idiot due to the fact that Meow is dead!” Corona-Chan triumphantly told Gel using the voice recorder that he had implanted into her mouth as she quite-literally turned Meow’s brain off using his Central Nervous Super-Computer’s “Shut Down” feature. Meanwhile, Meow passed out and screen-shakingly and face-downly collapsed onto the floor of the Aloha Oe’s living room due to what Corona-Chan had just done to his brain while Dandy and QT were busy extremely-worriedly hoping that said Betelgeusian actually WAS still alive.
“HMM...I wonder…” Dandy very-curiously thought to himself as he and QT used the combined strength of all four of their arms to flip Meow so that he was face-uply lying on the floor of the Aloha Oe’s living room. “Yup; he’s still alive!” Dandy shifty-eyedly but very-relievedly told QT after he (Dandy) had finished pressing his right ear against Meow’s chest and hearing the rather distinctive sound that the beating heart of said Betelgeusian made. Naturally enough, however, Meow still being alive did NOT stop Dandy from doing some utterly-hilariously over-dramatic crying about the “death” of said Betelgeusian and the fact that said Betelgeusian was one of his only real friends while Corona-Chan was busy flying back out of Meow’s body through his nose in order to then sneak into Gel’s body through HIS nose.
“Man, I really am SO fracking glad that a hot chick like Corona-Chan flew into Meow’s head in order to do my brain-operating work for me today while I slept like a log and dreamed about smoking weed and eating ramen…” Meow’s rather-ironically skinny inner self grinningly and barely-awakely thought to himself while rubbing his partially closed eyes with his hands as he finally woke up and flew out of the giant bunch of brain-cell-transporting wires that he had been sleeping in as if it was a cocoon. “Speaking of Corona-Chan, I’m pretty sure that it’s time for me to give myself my daily workout…” Meow’s inner self arousedly and lip-lickingly thought to himself as he immediately flew into Meow’s frontal lobe, buckled himself into said Betelgeusian’s “seat of consciousness” and turned his Central Nervous Super-Computer back on in order to completely-shamelessly masturbate to the pornography that it gave him access to.
“HUH?” Meow very-tiredly wondered out loud as he very-suddenly opened his eyes due to what his inner self had just done to his brain, causing Dandy and QT to very-tightly cover their mouths with their hands and extremely-loudly-and-horrifiedly gasp due to how big of a failure Corona-Chan’s plan presumably was about to become. “FALL BACK ASLEEP! FALL BACK ASLEEP! Gel and Bea are coming, and we NEED to make them think that you are dead right now!” Dandy and QT frantically whispered into Meow’s hearing antennae as Gel and Bea eagerly readied themselves to walk out of their Spaceship Of Liberty and into the Aloha Oe (which automatically allowed the occupants of any sufficiently “cool” ship to enter itself) while quickly-yet-carefully inserting their smartphones back into the pockets of their pants so that they wouldn’t end up being almost-completely defenseless themselves if/when Dandy and QT tried to attack them. Thankfully, Meow actually did fall back asleep after Dandy and QT told him to do so...but not without far-too-vividly dreaming about having sex with Corona-Chan as he did so.
“FINE…” Meow’s inner self exasperatedly groaned as he rather-interestingly used the “Shut Down” feature of said sleeping Betelgeusian’s Central Nervous Super-Computer to simply turn the body parts that the brain of said sleeping Betelgeusian was connected to off (in other words, make Meow completely unable to move or speak) rather than actually turning the brain of said sleeping Betelgeusian off. “OH, YEAH...OH...OHHH...AHHH…” Meow’s inner self immediately began moaning as he far-too-eagerly continued using the Internet access that Meow’s Central Nervous Super-Computer gave to him as a way to masturbate to pictures of Corona-Chan. Meanwhile, Meow dreamed about nakedly and face-uply lying on the floor of the equally naked Corona-Chan’s bedroom and being quite-literally paralyzed due to a combination of how utterly beautiful she was and how dreadfully sick the unprotected sex that she was having with him already had caused him to become.
“My mother risked her LIFE for me, and now you have done so as well…” Dandy got down onto his knees, pressed his hands against Meow’s big and fat belly and began nakedly-and-sobbingly saying to said Betelgeusian while QT head-shakingly face-palmed himself with his left hand and quite-embarrassedly sighed. Meanwhile, Corona-Chan already was unbeknownstly flying into Gel’s brain through his nose as he and Bea eagerly walked through the Aloha Oe’s interior and into its living room while respectively being armed with a freakishly powerful pair of bare hands and a laser shotgun.
“I should have SAVED you…” Dandy blushingly buried his face in Meow’s chest fat and extremely-fake-soundingly continued sobbing while QT crossed his arms over his chest and exasperatedly rolled his eyes. “Dandy, please don’t say something that is utterly retarded…” QT began thinking to himself. “PLEASE don’t say-” QT continued thinking to himself before then being very-abruptly cut off by Dandy delivering one of THE worst lines of dialogue in the entire history of Japanese animated shows.
“I should have been the ONE to FILL YOUR DARK SOUL with LI-(voice crack)-EEEEEEGHT!” Dandy unbelievably-stupid-soundingly yelled while melodramatically throwing his head back and sparklingly crying onto Meow’s chest in slow motion as he did so. Meanwhile, QT shruggingly said “PLEASE don’t ask…” to Gel and Bea with his eyes as said villains walked into the Aloha Oe’s living room and then immediately became completely speechless and motionless due to what they were seeing.
MEANWHILE, INSIDE GEL’S VERY LARGE BUT EXTREMELY HOLLOW BRAIN, AFTER CORONA-CHAN HAD QUICKLY-YET-QUIETLY REMOVED HER HIGH HEELS AND THEN QUITE-CAREFULLY PLACED THEM ON THE FLOOR OF HIS OCCIPITAL LOBE SO THAT HER FOOTSTEPS WOULD BECOME MORE GENTLE AND LESS NOISE-MAKING ONES…
“To put it MILDLY, what I’m doing right now is something that really does give a COMPLETELY new meaning to causing things to come to a HEAD...” Corona-Chan smirkingly thought to herself as she bare-footedly snuck up behind Gel’s inner self (who she somehow was able to see both the location of and the exact shape of with her mind) by incredibly-gracefully walking across the rather-delightfully soft and squishy floor of Gel’s brain, un-buckled him out of Gel’s “seat of consciousness” so that he would become able to more-arousingly squirm and choke for her amusement, and then quite-literally blew the life out of him by blowing a horrifyingly huge load of extremely toxic “germ gas” directly into his nose and lungs with her mouth while grabbing him with her freakishly strong arms and mucus tentacles. After effortlessly breaking the spine of Gel’s already-dead inner self with an extremely deadly combination of said arms and mucus tentacles and her right knee and then oddly-gently setting said self down onto the floor of Gel’s frontal lobe, Corona-Chan immediately sucked her mucus tentacles back into her nose and then sadistically-grinningly buckled herself into Gel’s “seat of consciousness” in order to do some good old-fashioned body controlling with his Central Nervous Super-Computer.
MEANWHILE, IN THE ALOHA OE’S LIVING ROOM…
“Um...I can explain! After Corona-Chan chased us out of Meow’s body and then killed him, Dandy suddenly decided that he wanted to NAKEDLY show me how much he loves Meow! He totally isn’t gay or a necrophile, I SWEAR!” QT incredibly-frantically waved his hands back and forth and hilariously-desperately explained to Gel and Bea while Dandy was busy literally-nakedly lying atop Meow’s chest and intensely-lovingly kissing said Betelgeusian right on his mouth. “HMPH! I already have had FAR more than enough of this utterly DISGUSTING tomfoolery! Do NOT force me to turn this gun on and fracking SHOOT the two of you with it, Dandy and QT!” Bea aggravatedly yelled as he suddenly pointed his laser shotgun directly at QT, causing said robot to immediately and quite-startledly point his arms straight up into the air as if he was being arrested by police officers...before then suddenly sucking Bea’s clearly-in-its-Safety-Mode gun right out of his pitifully weak hands with the vacuuming holes that the palms of his own hands featured while Bea and Gel were busy being distracted by Dandy pretending that he was about to start sucking Meow’s penis while lying atop his chest.
“NOOOOOO!” Bea melodramatically threw his left hand out in front of himself and horrifiedly yelled as QT sucked his laser shotgun right out of his hands and into HIS hands and then immediately turned it on and began pointing it directly at HIM. “Here’s some extremely valuable advice for the two of you; do NOT come any closer to me or Dandy, or else I definitely WILL shoot BOTH of you with this fracking gun until both of you are DEAD!” QT desperately and intensely-shakingly began yelling at Gel and Bea while surprisingly-effectively backing the two of them up against the door that they had entered the Aloha Oe’s living room through as he did so. Meanwhile, Dandy finally got off of Meow’s body and grabbed his own ray gun off of the floor of the Aloha Oe’s living room before then immediately activating its main function (killing people) and pointing IT directly at Gel while having a quite-surprisingly serious look on his face.
“Dandy, for CRYING out loud, Bea and I really don’t want to hurt you! We actually just want to give your life an actual PURPOSE, which is something that it completely lacks right now in our opinions!” Gel crossed his arms over his chest, rolled his eyes and exasperatedly told Dandy while the comically-extremely terrified-looking Bea completely-agreeingly nodded his head. “HMPH! Gel and Bea, let me tell you something right here and right now; you can do whatever you WANT to me as long as you just want to kill me, but I absolutely WILL NOT become one of your mindless slaves!” Dandy indignantly ranted at Gel and Bea while Gel suddenly heard his inner self screaming in agony inside his head and therefore utterly-horrified-lookingly realized where Corona-Chan probably was.
“Corona-Chan, you had BETTER not be messing around in my fracking HEAD right now, or else I am going to-” Gel furiously began yelling at Corona-Chan through his ear canals before then immediately being cut off by Corona-Chan incredibly-teasingly and very-loudly telling him “Of COURSE I’m inside your head right now, sweetie pie! In fact, I even am using the inner surface of your poor little simian brain as a foot massager as we speak! Go a-HEAD and TRY to get me out of here without dying in the process! I DARE you! I DOUBLE-dare you, motherfracker!” using his Central Nervous Super-Computer’s “Inner Voice” microphone. Needless to say, Gel became even more extremely shocked and utterly furious than realizing that Corona-Chan was inside his head and was playing with his brain already had made him after hearing said words.
“Oh, BELIEVE me, Corona-Chan; Bea and I are PRETTY FRACKING SURE THAT-” Gel immensely-disgustedly began screaming at Corona-Chan as he and Bea immediately began pulling their smartphones back out of their pockets...and then immediately got cut off by Dandy incredibly-sternly saying “Here’s a new rule for the two of you; if ONE of the two of you even MOVES in a way that we don’t like, then we are going to IMMEDIATELY shoot both of you.” to him and Bea while QT completely-agreeingly nodded his head. Needless to say, Gel and Bea immediately shoved their smartphones straight back into their pockets, crossed their arms over their chests and angrily-but-helplessly began standing perfectly still after hearing said words.
“10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1…” Corona-Chan sadistically-grinningly began counting down into Gel’s “Inner Voice” microphone as the loading screen of the body-controlling program that she had just activated inside the poor guy’s brain incredibly-rapidly began reaching 100%. “Please don’t hurt me...PLEASE don’t hurt me…” Gel very-tightly closed his eyes and intensely-shakingly and pants-wettingly thought to himself before then suddenly grinning from ear to ear and maniacally laughing as Corona-Chan took complete control of his extremely powerful body.
“Have fun rotting in HELL, you utterly fracking pathetic JOKE of a sidekick!” Gel snickeringly told Bea while ribcage-crushingly squeezing the torso of said sidekick with his right hand and incredibly-forcefully punching the head of said sidekick right off of his neck with his left hand before then using an unbelievably deadly combination of both of his hands to throw the body of said sidekick onto the floor of the Aloha Oe’s living room with a quite-literally skeleton-shattering amount of force. Meanwhile, Dandy and QT completely-speechlessly shivered in terror as they watched Gel being forced to utterly-brutally murder his own sidekick with his bare hands.
“Have fun being sent to a fracking LANDFILL, you pitifully fragile little TOYS!” Gel maniacally laughed as he pulled his smartphone out of his pockets, permanently disarmed the bomb that he had implanted into Corona-Chan’s brain by using a combination of said smartphone’s Bomb Activator app and the passwords that his memory bank(s) contained, and then brutally crushed said smartphone into pieces by squeezing it with his left hand before then shaking Bea’s smartphone out of HIS pockets and then equally-brutally crushing IT into pieces by squeezing it with his right hand. Meanwhile, Dandy and QT angrily shook their guns at Gel and yelled “HEY! Those smartphones are VERY fracking useful and expensive, you know!” at him due to how much money he was shamelessly wasting, with Gel completely ignoring their advice just to annoy them as they did so.
“I CAN’T EVEN FRACKING CONTROL MYSELF ANYMORE! I ABSOLUTELY MUST EAT ALL OF THE FOOD THAT DANDY’S NEW REFRIGERATOR CONTAINS! ALL OF IT! ALL OF IT! ALL OF IT!” Gel dementedly clutched his Corona-Chan-containing head with both of his hands and screamed at the top of his lungs before then immediately and completely-wildly running/crawling straight over to Dandy’s new refrigerator on all fours in order to utterly-mindlessly eat and drink every last crumb and drop of the remaining donuts and soda that it contained (in other words, basically HALF of the amount of donuts that it had contained when Dandy had gotten it and one third of the amount of soda that it had contained when Dandy had gotten it). Surely enough, Gel quite-deservedly became every bit as fat as Meow had become after ingesting said hilariously massive load of blatantly unhealthy garbage.
“DURR HURR HURR! Mommy, I think I just pooped in my diaper!” the comically obese Gel idiotically-and-droolingly giggled while idly sitting on the floor of the Aloha Oe’s living room and having extremely crossed eyes as Corona-Chan horrifyingly-gleefully flew around inside his brain and dealt so much damage to it that he literally became a toddler who was trapped in the body of his grown-up self. Meanwhile, Dandy and QT quickly-yet-carefully placed their guns onto the floor of the Aloha Oe’s living room and then immediately began mercilessly pointing and laughing at Gel while Corona-Chan karate-chopped MANY of his brain-cell-transporting wires in half and left numerous extremely large and bloody wounds in the inner surface of his brain using both her razor-sharp finger claws and her equally razor-sharp toe claws.
“Who is the smarter one between the two of us NOW, ya fracking MONKEY?” Corona-Chan hatefully sneered as she transformed her finger claws and toe claws back into normal fingernails and toenails, lovingly licked the blood that she had gotten onto her hands and feet in the process of utterly destroying Gel’s brain off of said hands and feet, and then FINALLY placed her feet back into her high heels and flew back out of what was left of the precious little core of Gel’s central nervous system. “Let’s see how much YOU fracking like the thing that you have just tried to force me to do to the cuddly little kitten that Meow quite-literally is being done to YOU, ya FOOL!” Corona-Chan disgustedly growled as she extremely-rapidly flew straight down Gel’s throat and into his lungs while he was busy tightly-and-cryingly clutching his head using both of his hands and swirly-eyedly saying “WAAAH! My head hurts, Daddy!” to the uproariously laughing-at-him Dandy while a very big circle of stars spun around his head.
“MOMMY! HELP ME! I’M CHOKING TO DEATH RIGHT NOW!” Gel nearly-deadly crawled toward the uproariously laughing-at-him QT on all fours and cryingly screamed in agony as Corona-Chan entered his lungs and then immediately began filling them with immensely toxic “germ gas” using her mouth. “Well, you also are forgetting to say ‘PLEASE’, young man!” QT closed his eyes, wagged his right index finger at Gel and incredibly-teasingly told him as his lungs quite-literally began shriveling up and dying while Corona-Chan sadistically-grinningly flew/swam straight into his increasingly-rapidly beating heart in order to FINALLY deliver the immensely satisfying “coup de grace” that caused this story’s main conflict to end once and for all to him.
“HYAAAGGGH!” Gel extremely-tightly clutched his unbearably aching chest using both of his hands and horrifiedly-and-horrifyingly shrieked in agony as Corona-Chan entered his heart and then immediately began cutting it into a miserable little pile of pieces with her finger claws. Once she had finished utterly destroying Gel’s heart and transforming said finger claws back into normal fingernails, Corona-Chan immediately flew straight back out of Gel’s body through his rather-intensely bleeding nose and then equally-immediately flew straight into Dandy’s left ear while said man and QT were busy almost-cryingly covering their mouths with their hands and utterly-terrifiedly looking down at the completely useless corpse that Corona-Chan had just effortlessly turned Gel into while barely even being able to remain standing as they did so.
“Oh, dear GOD; I think that Corona-Chan is inside one of my fracking EARS right now!” Dandy continued covering his mouth with his hands and intensely-panickingly told QT while said robot boredly-and-tiredly crossed his arms over his chest and rather-callously rolled his eyes and sighed at said man due to how extremely predictable said twist was. Meanwhile, Corona-Chan already had flown all the way through Dandy’s rather-surprisingly clean and smooth left ear canal and was surprisingly-gently knocking on his left eardrum with her right fist in order to get his attention.
“Dandy, there’s something that I need to tell you right here and right now.” Corona-Chan crossed her arms behind her back, crossed her legs, looked directly at Dandy’s left eardrum and blushingly began saying to Dandy through said eardrum while said man and QT shruggingly looked at each other and thought “This day really has been one of THOSE days…” to themselves. “I want to have sex with you.” Corona-Chan whispered to Dandy through his left eardrum, causing Dandy to rather-intensely flinch and scream “WHAAAT?!” at the top of his lungs in a hilariously stupid-sounding falsetto while QT quite-embarrassedly face-palmed himself with his right hand.
“HUH? What’s going on in here right now? Why is Dandy NAKED right now? Also, why is there a grotesquely fat and presumably dead version of Dr. Gel in here right now?” Meow (who still was incredibly fat) got back up onto his butt and tiredly-and-dizzily asked Dandy and QT as his inner self finally turned his body back on and turned his metabolic rate back into the perpetual-slenderness-causing one that it normally was (by increasing it) so that he would wake back up and would NOT quite-possibly spend the rest of his hilariously pathetic and pointless life being heart-attack-causingly fat. “Well, let’s just say that I’ve got both good news and bad news!” Dandy shrugged his shoulders and merrily told Meow while said Betelgeusian and QT tremblingly and very-worried-lookingly wondered what said “bad news” was going to be.
“The GOOD news is this: the dead ‘version of Dr. Gel’ that you have just mentioned actually IS Dr. Gel, who Corona-Chan has taken control of the brain of in order to force him to kill Bea and then make himself every bit as fat as you have become.” Dandy cupped his chin in his left hand and snickeringly explained to Meow, causing said Betelgeusian to blushingly cover his mouth with his hands and quite-nearly burst out laughing due to the fact that Gel had become so utterly pathetic. “However, the BAD news is this: we have saved the life of CORONA-CHAN by allowing her to kill Gel and Bea, AND said woman apparently wants to have SEX with me!” Dandy crossed his arms behind his back and quite-reluctantly explained to Meow, causing said Betelgeusian to rather-hypocritically stick his tongue out and green-facedly think “EWW” to himself while QT utterly-horrifiedly clutched his head using both of his hands and increasingly-desperately tried to pretend that he had not heard what Dandy had just said.
“You’d better fracking BELIEVE that I do, sweetie pie!” Corona-Chan flew straight back out of Dandy’s left ear, enlarged herself back to her human size, looked directly into Dandy’s eyes while standing right in front of him, and then incredibly-teasingly told him while placing her hands onto her hips and very-seductively crossing her legs. “Speaking of which, would you like to know which type of sex my FAVORITE type of sex is?” Corona-Chan cupped her chin in her right hand and smirkingly-and-winkingly asked Dandy, causing him, Meow and QT to disapprovingly-and-tremblingly shake their heads back and forth and quite-audibly gulp in response.
“UNPROTECTED SEX.” Corona-Chan cupped her hands around Dandy’s right ear and then extremely-arousedly whispered into said ear before then quite-passionately biting and licking said ear. “GYAAAAAAH!” Dandy horrifiedly screamed at the top of his lungs, causing his voice to rather-hilariously echo through outer space itself as this incredibly bizarre and disturbing episode of his life FINALLY ended.
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Space Dandy in The Donut Syndrome