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My Sun, My Supernova	By : ditchgospel Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 3354 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
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My Sun, My Supernova

Chapter 10

Lost in Orbit

Hakkai and Gojyo have their full attention on Yaone now, prepared to listen
to whatever information she can give them regarding their situation. In this
case, differences must be put aside, and they must put trust in what she has to
say.

She looks unsettled and disturbed, as though a dark shadow is clinging to her
heart. What's more, there is sympathy in her eyes, and a sorrow that speaks of
tragedy, and it is this that causes her audience to clench their hearts in their
chests as they wait for her words.

"I had a suspicion that something was being planned, something involving a
psychic who was being prepared for some kind of assignment. I didn't like the
sound of it. So when I heard that she was being sent to intercept your party, I
became alarmed. Now that I have heard your story, and seen the evidence for
myself, I believe I know what is going on. I will tell you, because this whole
situation doesn't sit well with me, and if I were in your place... But, although I
can give you knowledge, I'm afraid I cannot offer anything in the way of
hope."

She pauses, as though hesitant to go on, until Hakkai gently encourages her
to continue.

"If... if a skilled and powerful psychic can search the soul of an intended
target, and find something sensitive to grasp onto, something painfully
significant, and force it to the surface, then... the resulting spiritual shock
can create a tear, or an opening. This in itself is damaging, perhaps beyond
possibility of repair, this digging through the fragile nature of the soul to
bring forth what was safely buried. But, if the psychic is carrying a form of
dark magic that has been implanted in her mind like a dormant seed, and one
which will prove fatal to her, then... once this opening has been created, the
seed passes from the psychic to the victim, and implants itself within the
vulnerable, freshly wounded soul, much like a virus, or an infection. It spreads
quickly, and produces a kind of sickness of the soul."

Hakkai and Gojyo share a concerned glance. A sickness of the soul? In
that case, then at least there should be a cure, right?

Yaone seems almost as if she senses the turn their thoughts are taking, for
she shakes her head sadly, and then continues.

"The subconscious resists the attack, usually causing physical effects, such
as bleeding from the nasal passages. But the virus compels the victim to crave
and seek out the scent of a particular herb, one that will work to lull the
subconscious and suppress its strength to resist. As I said, this affliction
spreads very quickly. It works to corrupt and break down the protective walls
that the mind builds up around the dark side of the soul. This darkness is then
released, allowing the expression of hidden desires, tendencies and thoughts
that have previously been repressed. At the same time, the virus offers
resistance to things that have been injurious or hurtful to the spirit of the
victim, such as denial, or fear. Inhibitions and moral obligations may no longer
be an obstacle."

Yaone pauses in her explanation to take a shaky breath, preparing herself to
say what she must.

"Gradually, the affliction takes permanent hold, and the bleeding will stop
as the resistance is weakened enough to completely succumb. At this point, there
is no chance of reversing the effects. The victim becomes a sick, twisted
version of the former self, with the soul effectively turned inside out to
reveal its dark and hidden inner lining. I have heard that the process is a very
painful and difficult one for the victim to endure. However, after it has run
it's course and taken root, it becomes easier. There is no more inner struggle
between what is allowed to be expressed and what must be repressed."

She casts her eyes to the ground, and her final words are spoken with sincere
regret.

"I'm afraid there is no known remedy for this unnatural and cruel
affliction."

Hakkai and Gojyo remain silent as they absorb all that they have heard.
Finally, Hakkai speaks.

"I see. Miss Yaone, I'm afraid we have one more favour to ask of you. Will
you please leave us now to attend to matters here, with your assurance that
there will be no interference from your people? Things would likely get very...
unpleasant if Kougaiji were to seek to try and take some kind of
advantage of this situation. Goku especially is not willing to put up with any
kind of intrusion. Do you understand?"

"Yes. And I... I'm so very sorry."

XXX

After Yaone's departure, Hakkai and Gojyo remain quiet for a long time. They
simply sit, Hakkai with his hands folded in his lap and Gojyo with his head in
his hands, lost in thought and utterly shaken by the grim truth just imparted to
them.

At last, Gojyo raises his head, carefully tucking his hair back and out of
the way.

"Hakkai, what would happen if one of us ever totally lost it? If we
fell into the same state as the demons we've always gotta kill? What if, say, we hadn't been able to restore Goku when he went berserk? Is there any
doubt in your mind as to what Sanzo would do then? Do you ever doubt that he
would... release us?"

Hakkai meets his friend's eyes with a growing realization pricking at his
heart. He shakes his head slightly, and offers his reply.

"No."

A small smile, devoid of any humour, comes and goes quickly across Gojyo's
lips.

"Me either. I think it's almost like an unspoken promise between all of us.
That he would put a quick and merciful end to it, rather than let any of us live
like that. But... we never considered it from the other perspective, did we? Do
you think... Sanzo wants to live like that? Doesn't he deserve the same
treatment as what he would give us?"

Hakkai finds he has become very aware of the sensation of his own pulse
rushing throughout his body, of the rhythm of his own breath and the beating of his heart. What is
this stillness that seems to be descending upon him, this sense of certainty?
What is this terrible, dreadful calm? Hakkai tries to shake it off, but his
reply feels almost as if it were coming from somewhere very far away.

"Goku would never allow it. He won't let us anywhere near Sanzo now."

Gojyo sighs and nods in agreement.

"True, and if it does have to end this way, I don't think Goku's gonna take
it. It'll change him. Either way, we'd... probably have to put Goku down as
well."

"We may not be able to."

"Then we die trying. For his sake, and Sanzo's."

"I can't believe we're even discussing this. Gojyo, is this real?"

"No. It's a nightmare, and I think... I think we might not ever wake
up."

XXX

How can such a warm embrace feel so sharp? How can something so
intimate be so destructive, or something so beautiful, be so
painful? How can something that should be perfect, hurt so
much?

Goku wonders these things, and it saddens him, yet he does not feel used or
abused, because he is always willing. The words sick, morbid, wrong,
never once cross his mind, for this is not about pain, this is about taking
the pain away. If he himself must suffer, this is merely an insignificant side
effect of the remedy for Sanzo's inner agony.

So when Sanzo gets carried away, and cuts too deep, Goku
will only whimper, and never protest. When this happens, Sanzo will kiss him
tenderly and soothe the wound with his tongue, and whisper words of comfort in
Goku's ear in a soft caress of sound and breath.

And there is always afterwards, when Goku will hold Sanzo in his arms until
the tormented man falls asleep, and Goku is assured that, at least for a little
while, he is at peace.

Goku's life feels so different, now. Gone are the carefree days and
lighthearted jokes. No longer does he have the luxury of voicing his complaints
of eternal hunger, nor does he have a group of supportive companions to share
his trials with. There is only himself and Sanzo, caught together in a strange
new world of pain. But there is also certainty here, and belonging, for he knows
that his place is always at Sanzo's side, no matter how many shadows they must
pass through. No shadow can ever be as dark as a world without Sanzo. The very
thought is unbelievable, the idea unacceptable

"He took me away from that dark, dark place without light. He gave me a
world much, much more brilliant than the sun."

Now it is his turn to rescue Sanzo, and he will use everything that he has in
his power in order to do so. Once, Sanzo said that he had heard a call, and
answered it, but now, Goku feels like he is the one who must answer a call,
except that it is not a voice that beckons him, but a beacon of light. And he is
afraid, because what if that light should dim? What if it should fade away? Then
there will be nothing left but emptiness, and darkness.

Goku is afraid of that darkness.

He wants to protect Sanzo. But what if he isn't strong enough? Sanzo pleads
for his help, for him to take the pain away, but what if... what if he is unable?
What if his blood is not enough? What will Sanzo do then? What else does
Goku have to offer?

Goku begins to feel a desperation rising up. It slowly eats away at his
courage, at his sense of reason, perhaps even at his very sanity. His universe
now consists of one man, who is the sun, and he revolves around this alone, in
an intense, single-minded orbit. Everything else is beginning to blur, because
he is spinning so fast, and has become so dazzled by the light.

At this point, he will do anything to keep the sun in the sky, no matter what
the cost may be, no matter what price he must pay. No matter how much of himself
he must lose in the process.

Even if Sanzo must bleed him dry.
- 9
- 10
- 11
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My Sun, My Supernova