My Enemy is a vegetable

Anyone else think there was more chemistry between Alucard and D (heck, in just one chapter!) than D and Kale over the first TWO STORIES? Anyone else wondering why everyone suddenly liked Kale, no questions asked? Anyone else wonder why D doesn’t care that Alucard was hitting on his girlfriend (or did he just not notice)?
My answer: A conspiracy. That’s right. A conspiracy. They were planning to use her to steal from people, but either figured she was too naively set in what little morals she had, figured she was too dumb, or got completely distracted by her pheromones.

D (putting hand around Kale): Consider yourself, at home

Alucard: Consider yourself, one of the family!

D: We’ve taken to you so strong!

Alucard (putting his arm over Kale): It’s clear, were
Going to get along.

D (shoving Alucard away): Consider yourself well in

Kale: In what?

Alucard: Consider yourself, part of the furniture.

D: There isn’t a lot to spare.

Alucard: Are you kidding, we’re royalty!
Whatever we’ve got, we’ll share!

D: Pulling Kale away): If it should chance to be
We should see
Some harder days,
Some empty larder days

Kale: We’ll just hunt something and I’ll make stew!

Alucard: Ugh. I mean, uh, great! Why grouse?

Kale: What’s a grouse?

Alucard: Always a chance we’ll meet someone to fit the bill

D: Yeah, me. Then drinks are on the house!

Kale: I don’t drink.

Alucard: Consider yourself our mate

D: Get your own!

Alucard: For after some consideration, we can state…

Parasite: That I’m surrounded by morons.

D: Shut up. Consider yourself, one of us!

Kale: Actually, I don’t want to consider myself a male.

Alucard: Consider yourself…

Kale: At home

Paraiste: Look, she’s as smart as a parrot

D: Shut up or I’ll drown you

Parasite: We aren’t anywhere near water.

Alucard: consider yourself…

Kale: One of the family. That means your dad will stop hitting on me, right?

Alucard: Not in the least.

D: We’ve taken to you

Alucard: So strong

D: That’s her line. It’s clear

Alucard: We’re

Kale: Going to get along.

D: Consider yourself

Alucard: Well in

Kale: In what?

Parsite: Now everyone’s repeating themselves. Great.

D (shoves Alucard): Consider yourself

Alucard (shoving D): Part of the furniture

Kale: I’m prettier than that.

D: There isn’t a lot to spare.
Whatever we got, we share!

Alucard: Except playboys.

D: No one tries to be la-d-da or uppity

Parsite: What the heck does that mean?

D: There’s a cup of tea for all!

Parasite: D, what have you been sniffing?

Alucard: Only it’s wise to be handy with a rolling pin

D: When the master comes to call

Alucard: Consider yourself, our mate

D: I saw her first!

Alucard: We don’t want to have no fuss

D: For after some consideration, we can state (punches Alucard)

Alucard: Consider yourself (punches D back)

Kale: Yes!

Alucard: One of us.

D: Consider yourself at home
We’ve taken to you so strong! (draws sword)
Consider yourself well in!

Kale: Wouldn’t you be in me?

Alucard: Ha ha ha. (Draws sword) There isn’t a lot to spare.
Whatever we get, we share!

D: Not girlfriends

Alucard: Wanna bet? If it should chance to be
We should happen to see
Some harder days
Some empty larder days.

D: Why grouse? Always a chance we’ll meet
Som to to fir the bill
Then drinks are on house!

Alucard: Consider yourself our mate!

D: That’s it! (attacks Alucard, starting a swordfight)

Alucard: We don’t want to have no fuss
For after some consideration, we can state
Consider yourself, one of us!

D: She’s mine!

Alucard: MINE!

Castle: Alucard, are you fighting over another woman again

Alucard: It’s not what it looks like. We’re just… playing.

Castle: Get your stuff tomorrow.

Alucard: (running after Castle) Honey, wait, listen, let me explain!