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Never Forget Where You've Been	By : BishiMistress Category: +S to Z > Trinity Blood Views: 4142 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
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DarkCrusnikMagician: hugue's my lovie bear character :"> hey! pssst! *you won't have to wait long* ;) next chapter! Yeah, I'm starting to find rosetail females at the petsmart in town! I love my bettas. They're my babies. One of them is named Ilarius :">

Darkephoenix: I'm glad you enjoyed and your scenes are great too! I almost died when you ended the last chapter, such was my nose bleed! lol keep reading and enjoying and I will eagerly await your next update in return!

winterfrau: Thank you for the compliment! I tried to imagine the most obnoxiously sexy personality I could. I'm getting there I suppose :P And yes, it is strange to think of everyone as old :(

Have you guys stopped reviewing because it's no good and you're too nice to say anything??? Is anyone still reading? >_< lemme know, even if you hate it and lemme know why do I can scold myself!

Chapter 9: One Step Forward and Two Back

Alex wandered into the kitchens, foraging for food in the dark. The bright light from the refrigerator made her sensitive eyes ache as she reached in and felt around for something edible. Finding nothing readily made, Alex grumbled as she made herself a sandwich, pulling an almost half empty bottle of wine from the back of the fridge. Alex sat at the large wooden table the group had settled around earlier that day and began eating her food. After the first bite, Alex had lost her appetite and her will to finish what she�d made for herself, yet she lost herself in her thoughts, mentally coaching herself through her late night dinner. She knew she needed to eat more often than she did, but it seemed like such a chore to eat. She never had understood Abel�s insatiable appetite. Alex poured herself a glass of wine, drinking deeply, closing her eyes as the curious warmth spread through limbs. She missed drinking wine, having given up most every beverage but blood, and sat back to enjoy the way it infected her body, warming her, relaxing her. The door creaked quietly, but footsteps never sounded on the stone floor. Alex mentally sighed, wishing for blissful solitude. A sharp feminine gasp made Alex look up.

�Oh! Alexandra, you startled me!� Seras grasped her chest as though she were having a coronary and Alex smiled at the all-too-human movement.

�Forgive me, Seras, I didn�t mean to. I was just forcing myself to eat. Care to join me?�

�Sure! I was in here looking to do just that. Well, not forcing of course. Sir Integra told me that there were blood packets here for us?� Seras grinned a little sheepishly, looking like a young child that had been found out.

�Of course. They are in a separate refrigerator, over there.� Alex pointed, finishing the last bite of her food as Seras walked over to poke around in the second refrigerator. Alex smiled and she sat down next to her, plopping two blood packs down on the table with a wet thump. Seras retrieved a glass and moved to slice the first bag open, stopped by Alex�s words.

�Don�t you drink it warm?�

�Err... Not usually. It�s quicker this way, and it�s hard to make it body temperature.�

�Do you prefer to have it warm?�

�Oh, definitely! I usually take my fill of warm fresh stuff when we fight, but otherwise I don�t... hunt the way Master does.� Alex smiled at Seras�s unrelenting use of the term Master.

�Here, let me see that.� Seras gave Alex a quizzical look, but obediently handed her the packet. Alex smiled, holding the packet between both hands. Concentrating, she pooled the warmth she controlled in her hands, warming the blood until it was at normal body temperature. When she was finished, she handed the packet back to Seras, whose eyes went wide with wonder at the warm packet in her hand.

�How in the world did you do that?� Seras eagerly cut the packet open, draining it into a large glass, taking a deep, eager, drink. Seras moaned in a very satisfied way, licking her lips when she finally set the glass down. Alex chuckled at the child-like exuberance that never failed Seras.

�I�ll let you in on a little secret, Seras, but it must stay between us, hmm?� Alex smiled coyly, waiting for Seras� enthusiastic nod. Alex leaned forward over the table, bracing one arm on the table as though she were preparing for an arm wrestling match. Seras eyed her with intense curiosity, staring avidly at the fist Alex held tight. As Alex�s fingers opened and spread, they began to glow, the fingertips steadily engulfed in flames. Seras eeped and moved back, instinctively afraid.

�Oh, my god! Alex--�

�Shhh.� Alex smiled reassuringly, the fire spreading up the back of her hand, swallowing her up to the wrist. The bright orange flames licked at Alex�s hands, though she showed no signs of pain or distress. Seras watched, captivated, as the flames softened to a bright blue, finally turning a beautiful green. Alex watched the wonder that played across Seras�s features, feeling a keen longing for her children once more. Seras was like a refreshing breath of cool clean air after a lifetime in a polluted cityscape. Alex finally let the flames die down, holding out her untouched hand for Seras�s inspection.

�That was beautiful! How do you do it?�

�The same way Methuselah do. Some rare Methuselah have the ability to control the elements, such as with pyromancy. I, too, have this ability. Changing the colors is as simple as gathering trace elements within my own body and passing them through my skin. As the elements are adding to the fire, it changes the colors.�

�Wow.� Seras stared up at her in wonderment for a moment, drinking deeply of her warm blood. �That�s bloody brilliant.� Alex leaned back and laughed a warm rich laugh that sent a little thrill through Seras.

�Why thank you, Seras. I�m glad I bring amusement to those around me still.�

�I think that�s the first time I�ve heard you laugh! You have a beautiful laugh, Alex.� Alex�s smile settled into a more saddened line and Seras frowned outright at her shift in attitude.

�I have so little that brings me true happiness, that brings an honest smile to my face, Seras. That alone, reminds me of my years.� Alex sat back in her chair, taking a drink from her glass. The women were quiet for a tense few minutes until Seras�s curiosity finally won out.

�How has it come to this, Alex? What saddens you so?� Alex looked up at Seras, realizing fully that her vast years far outweighed her own, yet feeling like an old woman, warning a younger woman of the dangers of life.

�How much do you really want to know, Seras?� Seras flushed slightly in the dim light.

�Only as much as will help you.� Alex eyed the blonde Vampire for some moments before she continued, taking another sip from her nearly empty glass. She mused that she probably would not have been brave enough nor steady enough without that drink, to tell this story.

�My sons, should you ever meet them, will strike you as identical twins. However, they are not identical.�

�Twins? How lovely! I always adored twins!� Seras grinned, hoping perhaps to learn more of Alex�s children.

�Yes, it�s quite extraordinary to have twins. They are quite beautiful, just like their fathers.� Alex drained her glass, pouring another as Seras eyed her, quite confused.

�Fathers?�

�Yes. Abel has an identical twin as well.�

�Abel... is the father?� Seras hoped she hadn�t misinterpreted Alex�s message and made a horrible faux pas.

�He is Ilarius�s father, yes. Cendricus�s father is Abel�s twin, Cain.� Seras was quiet, absorbing the information.

�How can you know?�

�I know by the one difference between their fathers, the difference that carried into their sons. Ilarius has silver hair, and Cendricus has gold. Their fathers were identical twins, so, essentially, they may as well have the same father. However, they were not a single embryo that split into two during development, they were two separate embryos. Ilarius came only slightly before.� Seras was silent as Alex sipped from her glass, a forlorn look painting her darkened features.

�How did it happen?� Seras watched Alex�s face for any changes in emotion.

�I was in love with Abel. I arrived here on accident. I met Abel on a stormy night when I sought shelter from the storm in a small cathedral. Lady Catherina found out about my occupation when I was attacked by a Methuselah, one of Cain�s cronies, in that very cathedral. I was an archaeologist at the time, digging for something very important in Rome. Lady Catherina realized my importance after the attack and so I was inducted into the AX, in a manner of speaking. I fell head over heels for Abel. He was so sweet and loving, so gentle. I had been alone in this world for so long, that I allowed myself to dive in head first, never realizing how shallow the pool was. I was so naive.� Alex sighed and sipped her wine.

�It sounds like love at first sight. How could it have gone sour?� Alex smiled sadly at Seras, blood tears rising, stinging her eyes and blurring her sight.

�Oh, Seras. There are so many ways for love to go wrong. Abel and I were together for such a blissful but short time. Cain kidnapped me and held me in his coven for some weeks. The entire AX was out looking for me, but Cain�s sorcerer Methuselah, Isaak, was spectacular at hiding the entire coven.� Alex stopped for another sip and Seras looked at her with a slightly horrified look.

�He... raped you?�

�I suppose you could call it that.� Alex�s tears fell silently, staining her cheeks in the dark.

�Well, what would you call it?� Alex thought for a moment before answering.

�I don�t know.� She swirled the wine in her glass, thinking back on those strange nights with Cain. �He was so much like Abel. He was fearsome, threatening, in the beginning. He tried to scare me with his Crusnik form, but I�d already seen it, already knew what they were. He was beautiful, just like his brother. They starved me for the first week, because I would not acknowledge him as my Master. Isaak attended me during the day, beating me, then treating the wounds. Isaak was allowed to drink from me daily and between the beating, starvation, and his gluttonous feedings, I was near death at the end of the week. It was so hard to move, to breathe. Everything made me so very tired. I would have given up then, if my body would only have failed me.� Alex grew quiet, her voice tremulous though her tears had dried.

�You are here though, so he must have changed his mind.� Seras gently encouraged Alex to continue. She took another sip, draining her second glass before moving on.

�Yes, he changed his mind. He enlisted Isaak�s help and they used his magic to disguise themselves as Abel and Hugue. They... violated me together, like it was some sort of game. Isaak was completely insufferable after that, reminding me constantly of their conquest, how easily I was broken. Cain was another story. He announced to his coven that I was their Queen, that I was his chosen mate. He became tender and loving after that night, providing me with every possible comfort. He took me everyday after that, and I could do nothing but allow it. Isaak used his magic to drug my mind that first night, to soften the last of my will so that they could accomplish their task, but thereafter, Cain no longer needed Isaak�s magic to force me into his arms.

�They were so alike in the way they loved, that I thought I was losing my mind. I wanted him with all of my heart to be Abel, every time he touched me, but I knew perfectly well that he wasn�t. I began to take pleasure from our couplings, even as I felt shame in the very same act. I hated myself, my weakness. At the time, I thought myself so wanton that my mind was swayed by the pleasures my body felt, but now I know that it was Cain�s special brand of manipulation. The last day we were together he drained me. I felt my life leaving me, but he gave it back to me. He waited until moments before dawn and brought me to the main courtyard of the Vatican as his blood burned through my veins. He told me that I carried his child and Abel�s child and that I must survive to protect them. He told me he loved me. He left me as the sun rose over the rooftops. They barely got me inside before I was completely consumed by the light.� Seras was wearing a sympathetic grimace as Alex paused for another sip from a fresh glass.

�How awful.� Alex considered her quietly.

�You must think me a monster.� Alex felt the tears rising again, but fought them down.

�You, a monster? Why would I think that?�

�What else is a woman who finds pleasure in the arms of her captor, a captor that raped her?�

�You said yourself that was his specialty. Besides, what true rapist acts tenderly and kindly with their victims?� Alex considered her point quietly, though her guilt was far from assuaged. �Do you think he impregnated you on purpose?�

�Perhaps. I believe he took me to hurt Abel, to take away his love interest and take her for his own. I don�t know whether or not the pregnancy was intentional.�

�Bloody hell. What a mind job.�

�Indeed.�

�So, do the boys know the truth?� Alex swallowed another mouthful of wine along with the bitter taste this subject had produced.

�Yes. They knew after the first time they saw Abel. After Cain returned me to the AX, Abel touched me and I transferred some images and superficial emotions to him through that touch. He saw images of me with Cain, felt the bodily pleasure, but he didn�t feel the mental anguish that was hidden beyond. He was infuriated, with Cain, with me. He rejected me the day Lady Catherina attempted to truly induct me into the AX. I packed my things and I left. Hugue came with me. We�d had some emotional dealings before my kidnapping, but I�d remained faithful to Abel. He insisted on coming with me, knowing I was with twins.�

�Wow, what a great guy.� Alex bit her lower lip, a few fat tears rolling slowly down her cheeks.

�Seras, he was the greatest guy I�ve ever known. He was too good for me.� Seras grew dismayed at Alex�s downward spiraling emotions, but she attempted to remain upbeat.

�Oh stop, we all say that when we find a really good guy.�

�But he loved me unfailingly from the moment we left together. He proposed to me a few months after we left and I accepted. We were married, but we didn�t consummate until almost two years after leaving the AX. He waited so patiently for the boys to be born. I carried them for a year and as soon as they were born, we married.�

�Why did you wait so long to be with him?� Seras prodded gently, but Alex�s face crumpled at her innocent question, her tears flowing with renewed fervor.

�I�m such a terrible person, Seras!� Her agonized whisper bounced off the table as she rested her head in her hands. �I made him wait because I couldn�t stop thinking about Abel. I wasn�t completely over him, and though I grew to love my husband, I was afraid I would never love him as much as I loved Abel. I hated myself so much that I he wasn�t the love of my life on our wedding day. I was stuck on my feelings for Abel and my own anxiety about intimacy. Our first night together was nerve-wracking and I couldn�t help remembering my nights in captivity. Hugue was so gentle, so kind. He put aside his own pain and loss to invite me into his heart and I couldn�t even love him with all of mine.�

�Love isn�t immediate, Alex, it isn�t just magically there the moment we think it should be. Love grows and blooms and sometimes it needs a lot of tender care.�

�But I still felt for Abel. Even now I can�t deny that I wish to be with him. I miss him, body and soul and at the same time I�m swamped with feelings of guilt. I feel like Hugue is watching over me, praying that I don�t give in.�

�That sounds more like your own mind. You�re convincing yourself that you don�t deserve happiness. Sure, Abel screwed up, in fact, he�s a right git for tossing you out when you needed his support the most, but he�s here now. He wants to be with you, Alex, and you want to be with him. You should see the light in his eyes when he looks at you. It�s like he�s looking at the greatest treasure in the world.� Seras smiled, reaching out to squeeze Alex�s shoulder. Alex lifted her head, pushing her wine away. What had begun as a little comfort to steady her nerves, had unleashed a floodgate she�d no desire to open.

�Honestly, Seras? Do you mean that?�

�Isn�t it obvious? Cain�s plan worked, he drove you apart. His plan only works, though, if you stay away from Abel. You had your time with Hugue. Mortals live and die, and there�s only one way to keep them with you. Hugue isn�t with us any longer and you can�t mourn him forever. If he was as great a guy as he sounds, then he wouldn�t have wanted you to. If you want to be with Abel, be with Abel. It�s obvious he wants to be with you.� Alex lifted her head from the table, bringing Seras�s face into focus.

�Damn. You make it sound so simple.� Seras chuckled at the almost awed tone in Alex�s voice.

�Silly woman, it is that simple!� Alex smiled lopsidedly.

�You�re right, Seras. You�re absolutely right. I�ve been a fool this entire time.� Alex sighed and raked a hand over her smooth hair. �I miss Hugue so much, Seras. It wasn�t immediate, but he was the love of my life. The world will never see a sweeter man. He was so selflessly devoted to us, to the boys, even though he wasn�t their father. I�ll never forget the look on his face when I told him I was carrying his child.�

�Oh! You make me feel lonely. I didn�t know they made men like that outside of the movies and romance novels.� The women shared another laugh and Alex sat up fully in her seat.

�He was one in a billion, Seras.�

�Oh, good, then that means I have a few potentials out there.� The women laughed again and Alex stretched her back, scooting to the edge of her seat.

�Thank you, Seras.� Alex�s tone was serious, more sober than a few moments ago.

�For what?�

�For making me talk. I forget sometimes that talking really helps me feel like less of a monster.�

�You�re not a monster, Alex. You did what you had to do to get through tough times.�

�I really should just start paying you.�

�You can pay me by hooking me up with one of those guys...� Seras put on a look of serious contemplation and a moment later they were dissolved in laughter again.

�Well, I�d better get going. It�s getting late.� Alex stood, taking her plate and glass to the sink. Seras rose as well, a warm grin plastered across her face.

�I�m glad you�re feeling better, Alex. It makes me so sad to see you crying.�

�I�m glad I�m feeling better too. Feeling guilty and miserable kinda sucks.� Seras smiled at her and they said their good nights, Seras headed for her room and Alex headed for Abel�s.

Abel was asleep when he heard a soft knock at his door. He�d only fallen into a fitful, shallow, sleep about an hour before. He rose and threw on some pants, padding over to the door. As he opened the door, Alex took in his state of half-dress, his chest bare, his hair loose, and his glasses forgotten. He was just as handsome as she remembered. She looked up at him, her face flushed as her eyes flitted down over his toned torso.

�Good evening, Alexandra. See something you like?� Abel chuckled quietly, stifling a yawn.

�Yes.� Abel was caught off guard by her positive reply and leaned against the doorframe, leaning over her.

�Really... I have to say, I�m rather pleasantly surprised by that reply.� Alex smiled nervously, glancing up and down the hallway.

�May I come in?�

�Whenever you want, Alex.� Abel stepped aside and closed the door behind Alex. �So, what brings you to my room in the dead of night?�

�More accurately, in the very early morning.� Abel chuckled, approaching her slowly, his eyes roving over her body. She was in another skirt and corset combination, both black, her hair pulled up into another painfully tight bun. She was beautiful, even when she tried to hide it.

�You haven�t answered my question.� Abel drew close, watching her curiously as she backed away from him, step for step. �Is something bothering you, Alexandra?�

Abel finally had her pressed up against the wall, a hand on either side of her head effectively trapping her. Alex was trembling, blushing, but not rejecting him. He smiled, keenly reminded of her innocent manner in their first days together.

�No, I�m fine.� Abel leaned in closer, his lips almost pressed to hers, reaching to loosen her hair. Her breath hitched and Abel felt heat pool low in his belly.

�Just fine? I could make you better than just fine. Is that what you came here for?� Abel finally pressed his lips to hers and Alex actually jumped as though he�d shocked her. She melted back into the wall and whimpered softly, allowing his tongue access to her mouth. He slid his tongue in quickly, cupping hers, suckling softly. Alex�s breath became labored as he fondled her tongue, tracing every contour of her mouth. When he finally broke away to give her air, she was a gooey mass leaning against the wall completely for support.

�Maybe fine wasn�t the right word.�

�Mmm... Maybe...� Abel trailed off as he kissed down her throat, his tongue flicking over her pulse point. As she began to slide down the wall, her knees failing her, Abel gathered her in his arms, supporting her against his muscled chest. His mind cleared the haze of sleep as his body awoke fully to her open and inviting air. She wasn�t attempting to push him away, she wasn�t saying stop, and Abel dared to hope that the day he�d prayed for was finally here.

�I�m sorry, Abel.�

�Don�t be. It�s nice to know I can still make you weak in the knees.� Abel grinned and bit into her shoulder with his dull teeth. Alex released a shaky moan that sent an electric bolt of pleasure rocketing to Abel�s already aroused sex. He groaned softly against her skin, steering her over to the bed. As he lifted her onto his raised bed, he kissed her chest until he reached the top of her corset, finally laying her back.

�I mean it. I�m really sorry, Abel.�

�Sorry for what, love?� Abel leaned over her, kissing her deeply, his hand wandering up her thigh, lifting her skirt as he went. Alex shifted a little nervously, pulling away from his touch ever-so-slightly.

�I�m sorry I�ve been so harsh on you. I�m sorry that I couldn�t forgive you for the past.� Alex�s eyes were closed, her eyebrows knit in thought and Abel sat back to consider the taste he was just beginning to recognize.

�Alex, have you been drinking?�

�What?� Alex sat up as Abel withdrew his hand, looking down at her somewhat disappointedly.

�Have you had wine tonight?�

�Well, yes, but I--�

�How much?�

�What does that ha--�

�How much, Alex?�

�I don�t know, a few glasses.� Alex�s tone was becoming aggravated, and Abel sighed, sitting back on the bed. Alex sighed as well, taking in the gorgeous picture before her. She�d forgotten how good he looked in a state of relaxation. Unfortunately that relaxation didn�t reach his face.

�What�s wrong?� Abel sighed as Alex reached to caress his abdomen. It almost pained him to stop her touch and pull her hand away.

�Maybe we should do this another time.�

�What?�

�Alex, I�m glad that you�re ready to forgive me, and nothing makes me happier than the thought of being with you again, but if you have to be drunk to initiate it, then I think I�ll pass.�

�I�m not drunk, Abel!� Alex�s eyes were ablaze with fury and he groaned inwardly, knowing he might have irrevocably damaged what little progress they�d made.

�All right, you�re not drunk, but it�s obviously relaxed your inhibitions, and I don�t want you to regret this or see it in a different light tomorrow.� Abel tried to sound comforting and understanding, but it was lost on Alex.

�Oh, so you think I�d come to you willingly and just scream rape tomorrow? I suppose you think that�s just something I do, hmm?�

�Now that�s uncalled for--�

�Is it? You think I went to him willingly and just screamed rape because he was over the relationship, but I wasn�t?�

�What? Now wait a minute--�

�Take a minute, take an hour, take a fucking lifetime. I�ve got countless lifetimes.� Alex stood, righting her dress and corset. Abel hopped off the bed, catching her wrist as she fled. Alex whipped around, her wrist bending toward his elbow until the pressure on his thumb forced him to release her. The anger and hurt in her eyes were as fresh as the day they�d been first inflicted.

�Alex, please...�

�You�ve made your choice clear, Abel. I won�t bother you anymore.� Alex left, slamming the door behind her. Abel sat on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He wasn�t sure which was worse, seemingly rejecting her again, or letting her go through with it and call it a mistake the next day. All he knew as he struggled to find sleep again, was that his body called to her, to the warmth of her skin, and would not be silenced until he had her again, until he made his love for her known unquestionably.
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Never Forget Where You've Been