Zoro Learns Some Manners

…so I’m just borrowing them for the sake of Yaoi. Once I’m done then I promise to wipe them off and give them back ;) Any resemblance to real people is coincidental - these characters are pure fantasy!

Warning: contains a lot of very strong language and steamy Yaoi / boysecks (Zoro x Sanji)

Sorry this one took a while! I can’t quite figure out if the action is dragging out for too long. Thoughts? We finally got to the marines though (thanks to narcissa-s for being so patient)!

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“Hold my hand.”


Sanji’s cornflower blue eyes glared out from under his soft blonde hair with barely contained malice. The damp autumn mist wound between the angry lovers and snaked off through the vines.


Zoro glared back through black leather. With the mask, the mist, and the stupid hat he could barely see. He could exude pure rage just fine though, and he had saved up his best glare for Mr. Mouth. As if he had a right to be pissed off! First the asshole had dressed him up, then he’d scrubbed his head with soot, and now he was leading him in circles in a dark forest and wanted to hold his damn hand.


If he was just doing this for kicks…


“Hold. My damn. Hand.” A long leg swept in from outside Zoro’s narrowed field of vision and connected with his hip. Sanji knocked Zoro off balance and then grabbed the swordsman by his flailing arm and began to drag him bodily through the brush. Zoro just sighed and dug his heels in. With the combined weight of him and his passenger, Sanji had quite a task hauling them along. Zoro figured if he was tuckered out then he might ease up on the bitching just a little. He’d been going at it pretty much constantly for the last few days. The blonde looked really sexy all worked up; but it was not doing his hangover any good at all. Sanji kept hitting this one note that made his teeth hurt.


Damn girly sexy-ass cook.


Not only was he bitching non-stop, but he’d told Zoro nice and clear that there was no fun to be had in the forest today. It was a pity, really. With all the lush wet grass and the rough bark to grind that sweet pale body against… They were in the middle of nowhere, what was the problem!?


As if reading the swordsman’s mind Sanji said, “If you wander off one more time it will be dark before we get there. We can’t afford any more delays, baka. Do you really want that guy to wake up?” The blonde jerked a thumb at the unwieldy red headed package that Zoro had slung over his shoulder. The swordsman grinned. He had missed his chance to try his strength with the man, and he had the look of a true warrior. None of this bizarre-coloured-costume-pointless-poncy-attack-devil’s-fruit bull shit. Pure strength and raw power; just what Zoro appreciated most. He was just opening his mouth to voice this opinion when the cook cut him off.


“You know what? Don’t even fucking answer that. Look, we’re here.” Sanji parted some branches with an out-stretched foot and forced Zoro through. Suddenly he was standing in front of a huge stone wall. He shifted Black Blood onto his other shoulder and tried to adjust the straps across his chest. They kept digging in under his arms; and he was too hot in all these layers of heavy fabric. What on earth was the cook thinking putting him in this stupid get-up?! Perverted shitty…


“Oi. Pay attention! Follow that wall until you get to the gate and then say your piece, ok? Don’t fuck this up. I know it’s going to be hard for you seeing as you got lost fucking following a man in a tropical shirt two shitty miles but just try to concentrate because N..”


The man could really talk.


Zoro grabbed him by the belt and yanked his slender waist and sharp hips close. He pressed their lips together and cut off the lecture in mid flow.


This was a much better way to say goodbye.


Shitty cook was probably too frustrated to know any better… He pressed Sanji into the contours of his body and moved gently against him as the cook surrendered to the deep kiss. After an eternity Zoro stepped back and left the blonde to find his feet again.


“See you later” the swordsman said. He cast one final grin at the compromising bulge in Sanji’s pants and strolled off into the mist. Aside from the damn chafing this was going to be a breeze.


“Wait!”


Zoro stopped and turned slowly. Sanji was striding towards him purposefully.


“What?!” he barked, as the cook stopped in front of him and put one hand on the swordsman’s shoulder. He drew his long fingers up and sunk two into his mouth, sucking them gently. Zoro tried not to stare as they disappeared behind his sweet pink lips and re-emerged slick and suggestive.


Sanji looked deep into his eyes, a warm pink blush slowly rising in his cheeks.


“You’ve got soot on your head, idiot.”


The cook scrubbed his wet fingers on Zoro’s forehead and made a face, rubbing it with the sleeve of his jacket. His wide blue eyes focussed just above Zoro’s own, his soft lips all screwed up in a determined pout, the sweet hot flush of his cheeks…


“No shit.” Zoro batted his hand away and tried to retain the dignity of his dramatic exit. Sanji let his hands fall and grinned sheepishly from under his personal blonde curtain.


“You’re so dirty.” He sucked his fingers again, this time slower and with a lot more tongue. Zoro stumbled over a tree root and did his best to look disinterested as he left the cook behind.


Damn blonde always had to have the last word.


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Zoro stood in the huge banquet hall and tried to look at home. The ceiling soared away from him into the heavens and pink and orange banners spiralled down towards the marble floor. A massive table laid with clean white cloths and silver stretched off into the distance. Various high ranking marines were lounging around it consuming a late lunch, with a lot of drink to go with it. Zoro took it all in with a sneer. These marines sure knew how to live it up in style…


Unfortunately the swordsman had not been invited to dinner. He eyed the copious sake with jealousy and tried to concentrate on his situation. He took a deep breath to regain his composure and glanced airily around the room, trying to convey an aura of authority. In fact, he only succeeded in looking more dangerous.


The ring of men in white and blue uniforms around him backed a few steps away while keeping their rifles levelled on him. Zoro sized them up; they looked organised but pretty green. Their short over-dressed vice admiral stepped forward and held up a news paper. His chubby fingers held it out to Zoro and he contemplated the pirate with sleepy brown eyes. His wide lips were permanently set in a bemused smile. Just looking at him was pissing Zoro off. He probably hadn’t done a days work in his life.


The swordsman stepped forward to take the newspaper and was promptly prodded with rifles in all his softest parts. He wished that he still had his beloved katanas. How the hell had Sanji convinced him to leave them behind? The cutlass was completely useless. He’d be better off trying to get someone to swallow the damn thing and choke than he would be to actually try and fight with it!


“What do you mean I’m dead?” he threw his voice out clear and deep. He had to bluff this or Nami would be grumpy. If Nami was grumpy, then Sanji was grumpy, and right now he was annoying enough.


The short Vice Admiral looked up at him and began to read the proffered article out loud.


“Eric Rothbury, well known entrepreneur and play boy was discovered dead this morning after a suspected feud with an underground pirate collective… The rest is equally interesting, but I think you get the gist. So; what’s it like being dead? Any wisdom to share?” The beady eyed man peered up and him and smiled that condescending smile.


“I feel much better now. I have a great Doctor. So, how about that bounty?” Zoro narrowed his eyes and craned down over the tiny man. Irritating midget; Luffy would probably like him.


The Vice Admiral chuckled and gestured for Zoro to sit back down at the table where they had been conducting their negotiations. The swordsman remained standing. He had thought it was all going well… Then a whole bunch of men with rifles had poured into the room and a pretty blonde secretary had scuttled in after them and dropped that paper in Vice Admiral Aston’s lap.


“You tell me who exactly you are and I’ll consider it.”


“I told you who I am. My time is too valuable for these games, so give me my money or get out of my god damn way.” Zoro hoped that was in character enough. Stupid love cook, why the hell wasn’t he the one stuck here dressed up like a frilly idiot? It would have suited him much better. Wine loving, tie wearing, limp wrist-ed pansy…


“I’m sure we can figure this all out once we’ve detained you for some questions. If you are indeed who you say you are, then we can have all this sorted out in a matter of days.” The man beamed up at him. Zoro did his best not to loose his temper. They still didn’t know who he was, so that was something at least. He could still scope the place out and then take what he could find as he left.


“If you insist Vice Admiral. Just be warned that I shall be contacting my lawyers!” Zoro stuck his chin up in the air and marched off towards the door feeling like a complete tit. Robin should be able to hear what was going on. Maybe she had figured out where the money was held by now. If he could just keep the rabbit man occupied for a little while longer…


The place that they kept the prisoners had to be pretty far away from their gold and the further away he could take them, the better. He let them march him down dark corridors with only token resistance. He bumped a couple of guards into the wall, just to make sure that they kept a full escort on him. He also bumped a particularly annoying red headed rookie who kept jabbing him in the ribs. Gave him a neat hip and shoulder at the top of a flight of stone stairs that wound off into the darkness… The kid went flying and cleared half the stair case before he collided with a second marine and they both continued their unhappy descent. They hit the bottom with a crack and when Zoro got down there, one of them was out cold. Whoops. He smirked. Have to remember to go easy on the poor boys.


Finally the swordsman was taken along a long stone corridor lined with cells with old rusty metal bars. All of the marines guarding him crammed into the space and the Vice Admiral set about organising who would keep watch and who would interrogate the suspect. Pretty soon half of them were going to leave. Zoro drew himself up and finally let the marines see the vicious delight in his eyes. He turned slowly, until he was facing the short rabbit man who was still serenely issuing orders.


“One more thing…” the swordsman said, sending his cloak billowing over his shoulder with a dramatic sweep of his arm, “I don’t take lightly to being treated like trash.”


That time, he got the tone just perfect. The corner of his mouth twisted into a sadistic grin. He could finally test out what he had learnt. Faster. Better. Stronger than ever. He could smell the fear in the room. It made the blood rush in his ears.


The swordsman pulled his pathetic cutlass out as the marines began to close in on him. They hadn’t even bothered to take the thing off him. He gave the brittle weapon a cursory glance; the metal hadn’t even been folded! It would be an insult to Wadou if he treated this thing like a sword. He held it like a throwing knife and launched it at Aston’s chubby throat. The first marine reached Zoro and tried to grab his arm. He ducked and twisted his shoulder under the man, then straightened up and sent him flying into the bars of the cell behind them. Zoro turned back to where the Vice Admiral had been. Instead of a nice gurgling noise and a satisfying puddle of arterial blood, there was nothing there. Nothing.


The guy had just vanished.


A couple of the younger marines had finally snapped out of shock and were firing wildly in Zoro’s general direction. The swordsman hit the floor rolling and felt the bullets whistle over his head. He popped up in front of a stern dark haired recruit and snapped his rifle in half with a good strong punch before knocking the debris into the face of the man next to him. He threw his body into a low spinning kick and scanned the room as he swept their legs out from under them. No-one too close just yet. He took off his cloak as he rose to his feet, shaking the dark fabric it out in front of him.


Everyone in the room paused for just a second; it was long enough.


Zoro threw the cloak out like a blanket and rained blows through it, whirling like a tornado behind the dark screen of velvet. He felt his arms and legs melt into the form of the fabric and he turned with it and kept it in the air. He let it fall to the ground covering a pile of marines, and struggled out of yet another layer of fabric. Finally he was down to his shirt and pants. Much better. He closed his eyes and felt out the room. They were still staying away from him.


Clever, clever lads.


He could feel the slightly acid ache of the hangover in his muscles. The tight leather straps were digging into him and the stupid hat meant he could barely see. The whole place was full of rookies and he probably wasn’t even going to be able to get his kinks out before Luffy came rampaging in and destroyed the place. He narrowed his vision and focussed on the lines which formed the nose of the marine closest to him. The man blinked and Zoro drove an elbow into his face and then deposited him on the floor. He was better off out cold.


He could feel a group closing in behind him and there was one big man striding up to meet him head on. At least someone here had some damn guts.


Perfect.


Pity lover boy wasn’t here...


Zoro closed his eyes and waited. He could feel the men getting closer behind him. Most of them had swords instead of rifles, so he could let them get just a little closer. Waiting…. Waiting…


Zoro looked deep into the eyes of the single huge marine in front of him and gave him the courtesy of knowing exactly what hit him,


“Swordless Style: Stampede!” he drew his hands up in a level arc and rolled all his power up into his shoulders before releasing it in one double palmed hit onto the floor. The stone underneath him shattered and a wave of buckled rock rolled out, knocking over half the men in the room. Zoro leapt up onto the shoulders of stumbling tall marine in front of him. The man grabbed at his feet but after using the man's head to get a bit of leverage, Zoro was in the air again. He pushed off the nearest wall, flipped, and then kicked an unlucky marine in the back before landing on him. This was where Aston had been. He couldn’t have gotten to the door; he just hadn’t had enough time. So where was he?


“Looking for someone?” A serene voice hovered behind him.


Zoro spun, elbow and knees first. He sailed around in a perfect murderous arc, with enough force to crush bone. Once again, no-one there.


The swordsman saw a shadow flick past and then his head hit the floor. Everything went dark for just a split second and he knew he had taken a decent hit. He scrambled and got his feet just before being slammed into the rusty bars. There was Aston, peering down at him. Smug bastard was grinning again.


There was no way that guy could possibly have knocked him on his ass.


Maybe he was still drunk…


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Sanji did up his trousers and sighed. Damn marimo was really playing on his mind way too much. He looked so good with black hair. Zoro was always rubbing him and stroking him and kissing him… it was a wonder that he hadn’t gone mad. At least out in the forest he could relive some tension without having to worry about someone catching him at it. The mist was so thick he could barely see the end of his cigarette.


“I think we have a little trouble,”


Sanji spun around only to find Robin inches away from his face. His skin crawled a little, but he quickly regained his senses.


“He’s only been in there fifteen minutes!”


“Swordsman-san does have a certain talent for confrontation…” she smirked. Sanji realised how close she was, he could smell her sweet scent on the air. He could feel his knees turning to jelly. There was something about this woman. She dripped with power and danger… there was something untameable about her. Something wild. Just like Zoro.


The idiot.


“He can take care of himself.” Sanji grumbled, “We should go for a walk in the forest while he sorts his own mess out…” he winked suggestively and proffered his elbow for Robin to take. A nice stroll with a beautiful lady was just what he needed to take his mind off… things.


“I’m not worried about him.” Robin said, cool as ever.


Sanji looked up into those dark inscrutable eyes.


“Who then?”


“Captain-san wanted to see Zoro in his outfit and so he decided to go in…” her eyes narrowed into what Sanji assumed was a smile.


“He WHAT?!”


“Apparently he didn’t see it before Zoro left; I did try to tell him…” Robin trailed off. There was no point in trying to get a message through to the retreating blonde blur. The best she could do was head in the front door and try to mop up whatever mess the three of them had created.


They really were a strange bunch.


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Zoro stared into those complacent brown eyes. The man was not there before. So, where had he come from?


The swordsman struggled to his feet. He was a little dizzy, but apart from that it looked like his strong young body had come through for him again. There was something strange about rabbit man. He had a weird blurry outline. Almost as if he was standing in front of a bright light. Zoro circled the man warily and squinted at him, trying to get a clear picture. He smiled offensively and waved Zoro away,


“Don’t worry yourself. Even you, Roronoa Zoro, cannot cut mist.”


His hand melted away into the air and his arm, chest, stomach, legs, and finally head all followed. He just whispered away into the air leaving nothing but an aura of self-importance.


Oh great. not only does he know my name, but he's a mist man.


I always get the weirdos.


Zoro whirled around trying to detect where Aston had gone. He made sure to keep his back to the wall in order to reduce the chance of being hit from behind. There was a jab near his kidneys and he felt a cold blade sink in. He put his hand down where it hurt and then kicked off the wall behind him. He whipped his shoulder around and knocked the knife away from him. He heard it hit the ground.


No-one there.


The bastard could fight while he was invisible. This might just be interesting…


The swordsman put his back to the wall again. This didn’t make it any different. It wasn’t like he could see him before anyway. Damn hat.


The first blow crushed the wind out of his lungs. The second hit his knee as he tried to defend and slammed his ankle into the broken stone. The force jarred through his body as the third blow sent him flipping into the debris. He hit rock, crumpled, and then twisted back onto his feet. He stumbled for a second, wishing that he had stood up slower. His vision was a little fuzzy. Nothing to worry about, just the lights looked a little brighter, and everything was fading together.


The lights.


There were a line of braces in the wall with lamps in them. He grabbed a handful of rocks and began to hurl them… One light went out, then two. He felt a cold damp breeze rushing towards him and he stepped out from the wall. He let it go just past him then slammed his forearm back to send rabbit’s face through the stonework. Zoro’s feet shot out behind him and his knees buckled. He used the forward momentum to dive roll onto his shoulder; flicking his wrist to take out one more light. He rolled back up to his feet behind where he thought Aston must be. One of his boots had half come off.


The stragglers from the stairway were finally making their way across the room. If enough of them got in the way, it might buy him some time… Zoro leapt over the broken stone towards them, changing direction as often as he could. He aimed a whirling kick behind him and managed to send a lanky marine slamming into one of the last lights. His boot almost came clean off. Zoro looked at it with disgust.

Fucking ero-cook and his fucking 'outfit'...


The boot sailed across the room into the last lamp and suddenly it was pitch black.


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