Poisoned Rationality

Outside, it was very still and dark. Without the light pollution of civilisation, the sky seemed plastered in stars. Mello leaned on the steering wheel, staring up through the windowscreen. Beside him, Matt was glaring through the side window. "I swear I saw a sheep."



"It\'s possible." Mello breathed in deeply. "You can taste the sea in the air."



"This is the countryside." Matt said pointedly. "There was a sheep."



"I know. Fresh air."



"But it\'s my birthday and we\'re not kidnapping anyone. Why would we come into the countryside?" His head had disappeared into his collar, so only orange goggles and red hair were visible above it. "Unless this is our big swan song and you\'re going to keep on driving over the cliff, like Thelma and Louise or something."



"Do you want me to?" Mello put his hand onto the gearstick, though the engine was switched off. "I could probably make it through those bushes, though I\'m not so sure about the wall."



"\'kay." Matt settled back into his seat and lit a cigarette. "As long as you do it at over 100mph. It worries me when you drive at the speed limit."



"More than me driving over a cliff worries you?" Mello turned from the stars to watch Matt instead. "The really scary thing from my point of view is that you\'ve only had two cans, which means that you aren\'t even drunk." He looked back at the headland, seen only in shades of grey and black. "Mind you, if I hit that ridge there at speed, I might clear the wall. It\'s your birthday, do you want us to commit dramatic suicide?"



"Yeah, go on." Matt stared directly ahead. It was too dark to see if he was smiling, but his tone was light. Mello switched on the engine and began driving forward. "That\'s not over 100."



Mello put his foot down and they hurtled forward, over land, the car protesting at the treatment. "Just say if you want to back out."



"\'kay." Matt sucked on his cigarette, not even holding the edges of the seat. Bushes reared up in the headlights and Mello fought to keep control of his steering. The four foot, drystone wall was approaching at speed. "I know you\'re going to stop, because you\'re not waffling on in Croatian and crossing yourself."



"0 moj Isuse, oprosti nam naše grijehe, oèuvaj nas od paklenoga ognja," The wheel was jolting terribly in Mello\'s grasp, his face tight with concentration, "dovedi u raj sve duše, osobito one kojima je najveæa potreba tvojega milosrdja. Just say the word, Matty."



They hit tarmac unexpectedly, with a sickening screech of metal and burning rubber. The car span twice, and began to slide down an embankment. Mello was thrown off the wheel, into the centre of the car; Matt hit the side, arms flying to protect his lover\'s head. Within seconds it was over. They came to a stop with the vehicle remaining remarkably upright. It took a few more seconds for them both to realise that they were still alive and to begin the process of working out if they were injured. But for bruising, it appeared not. "Mell, just for the record, would you have stopped?"



"I was really hoping you\'d tell me to." Mello rubbed underneath his hip where he hoped it was a huge bruise forming and not a cracked femur. "I admit it slipped my mind that you\'re a fucking masochistic, self-destructive, insane adrenaline junkie."



"And you have to win everything." Matt started laughing, searching the floor for his burning cigarette. He was still laughing, as Mello unstrapped himself from the seatbelt, opened the door and stepped out shakily into the freezing night air. Mello slammed the door behind him and screamed out his panic and rage. The redhead stopped laughing, the realisation fully dawning at how bad that could have been. "Stubborn git." He pulled out his keyring and found the little torch, then stepped out to inspect the damage to the car. The skidmarks in the peat went on for yards; it was churned up fully for the last ten of them. "We are so bad for each other." The front wing was scratched down to the base; the wheel half buried in peat. Both headlights were still blazing. He could see Mello on his knees at the edge of their illumination. "I can\'t believe we just played chicken against each other! You\'d think the outcome of that would be kind of obvious." There was no smoke. The bumper was scratched too, but not dented. "Are you throwing up, praying or having a moment?"



Mello\'s voice growled back from the darkness. "I\'m deciding whether to kill you or kiss you."



"\'kay." The driver\'s side of the car seemed reasonably unbattered. All of the bushes must have been on the other side. Matt kicked the tyres and tried to work out how badly the tracking was knocked out. Nothing fell off. "This is a good car. All that and so far, I think all I need to do is knock out the passenger side door and repaint it." He returned to the driver\'s door, sat down and set the gears into neutral. There was no excessive crunching. The engine, when he turned the key in the ignition, purred into life. Nevertheless, Matt popped the bonnet and wandered around to shine his torch inside. "It seems fine."



"Oh good." Mello\'s tone dripped with sarcasm, as he loomed out of shadows to Matt\'s side. "Next time, stop us. Don\'t challenge me like that and..." His words dropped away. He wrapped his arms around Matt and held on for dear life. Matt cupped the back of Mello\'s head and rubbed his back, sensing the fear that would never be expressed.



"Can you teach me the Last Rites in Croatian please? Just so I can recognise them in future." Matt kissed the side of Mello\'s head. "Just so I know when you\'re serious."



"Assume I\'m always serious."



"kay." Matt sniffed. "Mell, it\'s really fucking freezing in this countryside. Shall we dig the car out and I\'ll drive us back?"



"I\'ll drive us back." Mello pulled away. "You\'ve been drinking and you\'re hyper."



"And you just crashed our car." Matt placed himself out of reach, grimacing as he crouched to pull away peat with his gloved hands. "But fair enough. You drive. Is my birthday over yet?"



"No. It\'s only nine o\'clock." The blond had found the big torch in the boot and was shining it around the landscape, following the process of their route here and torturing himself with \'what ifs\'. Ironically, the hidden dip meant that they were never in as much danger as it seemed of hitting the drystone wall. The sea was loud though and he wondered if the line above them was actually the cliff itself and not just some precursor headland. "Why didn\'t you say stop? Why did you let me drive on? Are you actually suicidal?" Another thought occurred and Mello span around. "Is it revenge for Japan?"



Matt just shook his head with a huge grin on his face. It was actually easier when Mello blamed him, because the alternative lasted longer. He succeeded in freeing the tyre and pulled himself up using the battered wing. "Ok, all done. Let\'s go."