When hearts Collide

I do not own D. Grayman or any of it’s associated characters, nor do I own any songs used within this fic. I do not make any money off of these works of fiction, they are for entertainment only.


Waiting, as I'm wanting to.
Speaking as I'm spoken to.
Changing to your point of view.
Fading as I follow you.

A boyish notion of false emotion.
These words are spoken, despite my love.
A fool's devotion was set in motion.
My eyes are open now.

It's a glass cage so I can't pretend.
You hide beneath the physical.
I see it coming but I can't defend.
You cut so deep, my belief is gone.

Tell me what I want to say.
Save me for another day.
Break me. It's the game you play.
Hate me as I turn away.

A boyish notion of false emotion.
These words are spoken, despite my love.
A fool's devotion was set in motion.
My eyes are open now.

It's a glass cage so I can't pretend.
You hide beneath the physical.
I see it coming but I can't defend.
You cut so deep, my belief is gone.
My belief is gone.
My belief is gone.
My belief is gone.
My belief is...

Looking Glass - The Birthday Massacre

Allen watched Kanda closely as they prepared to leave the Asian Branch. The Japanese man was more hostile and volatile than usual and Allen could only guess that he was both worried for Aleia and missing her already.

He had purposely limited his contact with her according to Savitar’s wishes. Though it pained him greatly, he hated the thought that his presence caused her more suffering.

“Kanda” Allen said quietly as the taller man tossed his bags into a cart.

“Kanda?” A little louder this time. Still, the mechanical movements.

“Kanda!” he finally shouted.

Kanda dropped his last satchel and turned to Allen with a snarl, “What the hell is your problem?”

Allen growled right back, “You are. If it bothers you that much, talk to Komui and Bak.”

“Mission is mission.” was all he replied.

Allen sighed, “I’ll miss her too you know”

Kanda grunted, leaping into the cart. “I have more important things to think about” he snapped. Like keeping his stomach from coiling any tighter. From letting his eyes stray back to the imposing walls that separated them.

Aleia.

He shook his head, no, this was for her sake.

“Did you tell her?” Allen prodded.

“What?”

“That its mostly Savitar’s fault that you are going.”

“No. Why would I?”

Allen let his brows rise, “Why wouldn’t you? She is just going to think that you leaving like this has something to do with how you feel for her.”

“Baka. Shut up. If I made her angry at him her training would go nowhere. As for how she feels… I can’t do anything about it now. I left her…something. She will know.”

Allen looked back at the branch as they began to move away. “I hope so. But in my experience, human hearts don’t work that way. What exactly are you two anyway?”

Kanda ignored him.

“I’m just asking because she might not understand either, if you never said.”

Kanda felt his temper explode, “I said she was mine damn it.”

Allen hid his smirk, “In or out of bed?” he asked very seriously.

Kanda blinked, “That’s none of your business sprout. Not like it matters anyway, there’s no difference.”

But Allen knew better, “You’re right” he said easily, “Not my business, but Kanda it makes all the difference in the world.”

“Shut up!”

So he did. All the way back to Headquarters. Enjoying that Kanda became decidedly more cranky as the days went by.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Weeks went by. Endless sleepless nights and days of second guessing. The passage of time marked by an infinite number of ticks and tocks. Nothing more.

Fou watched it with a critical eye. Something had to give soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aleia moved woodenly through the halls, Savitar chattering away beside her. Kanda had been gone for a week. He hadn’t even really said goodbye or told her why.

“Aleia..” Savitar had stopped and therefore so had she.

“What?” she asked, had she missed something important?

“You are upset because Kanda left so quickly. I understand.” he said gently.

She frowned at him, wish she could see him. See if he meant it. She felt so fragile. As though she might shatter to a thousand pieces.

“I’m fine. Lets train” she said then.

Savitar sighed and led her away.

Days passed and she endured the pain of his manipulations. Each day the flash of vision lasted a little longer. Fou confirmed that the blockage was slowly shrinking.

“I think that in a few more weeks you will be seeing just fine.” Fou told her. She had watched Aleia’s appetite fade, her color lessen. She missed Kanda.

“Have you spoken to Bak since Kanda left?” she asked pointedly.

Aleia’s hands clenched. “No, I haven’t. I have nothing to say to him for sending Kanda away.”

“For your own good, and you stop moping around and get your ass on the ball. You need to see and you need to train. This isn’t a pity party. Now come on.” Fou barked, clasping her arm and dragging her down the hall.

“I don’t wanna!”

“I could give a shit, this is retarded.” Fou was downright heartless.

She was so angry that she forgot that the stone floor here was uneven. She felt Aleia jerk and turned to see the woman face plant on the hard stone.

“Aleia?” Fou asked with concern as she knelt near the fallen woman.

“Ow” Aleia muttered, still laying prone.

“I’m sorry. Are you ok?” Fou pressed.

“I’m gonna kill you Fou.” Aleia growled, pushing herself into a seated position. Her hands covered her face, but Fou saw the crimson trickle on her chin.

“Don’t move.” Fou barked, “Bak!”

Bak stepped into the hallway hearing his name called in unfriendly tones. He saw Fou standing over a sitting Aleia.

“What happened?” he demanded as he hurried over.

“I accidentally made her fall” Fou replied.

Bak knelt before her, trying to push her hands away, “Lets see the damage.” he said quietly, reaching into his jacket for a kerchief.

Aleia slowly dropped her hands.

“Ah, split lip” Bak said, gently dabbing at the cut with the material.

“Ssss. Ow” she said.

“I know” he replied.

Aleia slowly opened her watering eyes and found herself staring at cornflower blue eyes tipped up at the corner.

She blinked. They were still there.

“Bak?” she asked quietly, stilling his motions.

“Yes? Are you ill?” Maybe she had hit her head harder than he thought.

“Are your eyes blue?”

“Well.. Yes…”

“And you are blond!”

His eyes widened, “Aleia! Can you see me?”

She nodded, not daring to blink lest it go away, “You are a lot better looking than thought, but ….I hate that jacket” she told him bursting into tears and throwing herself into his arms.

He hugged her tightly as she wept happily all over him. “I can see…. But I thought. Fou!”

The other looked over guiltily, “Am I still sentenced to death?”

Aleia shook her head, reaching for the other. “No! Never!”

Bak sighed in relief. So she thought he was good looking. “I have something for you” he told her then, “I would have given it earlier but you didn’t want to see me.”

She blinked now, slowly, fearfully. Vision remained.

“I’ll give it to you after I examine those eyes. Come on. Careful now.” She wobbled a bit, her depth perception off from not having use of it for so long. Still, they managed.

Bak set his light aside and faced her squarely, “Your eyes are fully functional. I think that worry is behind us. However I would like to slowly re-integrate your sight if you don‘t mind. A few hours at a time. Should prevent the headache from eye strain.”

Aleia breathed out in relief. How she wished Kanda was here for her to see right now.

“Now then” Bak said reaching into his pocket and drawing out a small silk packet. “This is for you. I’m sure you’ll know who it’s from.”

He pressed it into her hand and she slowly unwrapped it. Nestled in the colorful silk was a small silver lotus blossom on a thin silver chain.

A lotus blossom.

Kanda.

She clutched it tightly to her chest and bit her lip, fighting back the wave of longing that she felt for her missing lover.

Bak gave a small smile and reached his hand out, “Can I help you with it?”

She nodded passing the bauble to him and he gazed at it.

‘Way to mark your property’ he mused, then draped the chain at her throat and fastened it. “It looks very nice” he said stepping back. It sat in the hollow of her throat, too short to interfere with fighting or training.

It winked in the light, daring any to challenge what it meant.

“You know the meaning of the lotus to him?”

She nodded. His life was bound to the flower.

Bak patted her on the head and left her to find Savitar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Weeks flew by, Aleia’s vision clear and keen. Her training now began in earnest. Her innocence surprised everyone, including her. She was able to transform it into several different weapons by the third week.

Her favored became the Bo staff and the long range senbon and bow.

Bak watched her carefully, seeing her determination rise each day.

“Stubborn” he said grimly but his mouth was curved in a grin.

“Like Allen” Fou added, “And if you don’t stop looking at her like that Kanda will come back and slice you to sashimi.”

He visibly flinched and she laughed softly, her paddle like hands ruffling his hair. He frowned at her indignantly.

“Wonder what she sees in him anyway?” he mused.

Fou crossed her legs beside him, “He’s hot.” she said plainly, “And maybe she can see underneath the underneath.”

Bak opened his mouth to question her, but she laughed and pecked him on the lips. His eyes went wide at her blatant display of affection.

“What?” she said when he continued to stare.

“I prefer that to your kicks” he teased.

She smacked him and walked off, muttering about how he was such a pervert. Bak merely stood there with a smile on his face and a pink cheek.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I think its time to test her” Savitar said one evening as he drank tea with Bak.

The blond looked over at him in question, “Really?”

Savitar nodded, ‘That woman needs to kill something’ he mentally added.

“How long has it been?”

“Nearly four months.” Savitar confirmed.

“And no word from Kanda in all that time…”

“None. It affects her.” Savitar said.

“What do you propose?”

“Time away. I would like to travel with her, test her strengths against akuma.”

Bak was not fooled, “You wish to take her to India”

Savitar was unrepentant, “What do you suggest Bak? Her lover has all but abandoned her, she is a good fighter but she is wasting away here. Waiting for a man that we are both certain will not come back for her.”

“He was told to wait at the Order” Bak said then, “She knows that?”

“I have not told her. She has told me plainly that I will not speak of such things to her. But Bak look at her! There is no….”

Bak sighed, “Fire”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That night Kanda sat down as he had nearly every night since leaving China. He stared at the paper and ink before him, but couldn’t make the words flow. Everything sounded ridiculous to him.

His mind was clogged with whirling words and images. Things that he wanted to express and was unable to.

Such as the color of her hair in the sunlight and how it’s gleam fascinated him.

How he wondered what state she as in now. Could she see?

How he loved the way she laughed whole heartedly. How her hands were so small against his own. How she was pale and bright and beautiful.

He longed to write of how he missed the scent of her hair and the taste of her kisses. How he missed curling beside her at night, her little hands stroking his hair.

How the memory of her was deep, and alive. Flooding him with images of her.

Like the image of her sprawled across his chest in sleep.

His chest tightened again, like another iron band had been dropped into place. And he wadded up the paper with it’s incoherent ink blots and threw it into the corner of his room.

The blossom in the corner mocked him, reminded him of the parting gift he had left for her. He was bound by this blossom, his life entwined with it.

As he was to her.

He swore, kicking the chair over and left the room. He needed to kill something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aleia lay in the cool grass, staring up at the stars, drinking in the many sights she had missed. Beside her lay a letter. From Allen. Again.

She was glad he wrote of his travels and how he and Lenalee and Lavi were doing. She missed him.

But it hurt when he wrote that Kanda was rarely around, always on missions. And when he returned he was more cranky than ever. Allen said he guessed Kanda missed her, but with no word from the other, she doubted it.

Why didn’t he write? Was the silver trinket at her throat just that? A trinket.

Or a true goodbye?

Over the months that had passed, she had grown closer to Savitar, and Bak. They never spoke ill of Kanda in her presence but she had heard snippets from them in the evenings when she haunted the halls like a lovesick ghost.

The trickle of water on her cheek drew her from her musings. A tear.

She was crying for him? Really?

“Why don’t you write him a letter?” same the smooth voice from the steps.

She didn’t have to look to see Savitar in all his barely clothed glory. “Think that would help?” she asked.

He crossed the space to her, grass tickling between his toes. He dropped to sit beside her.

“Can’t hurt” he said.

She looked up at him, his golden eyes serene. He wasn’t so bad. Now that she knew him.

“How do you do that?” she asked.

His brow arched in silent question.

“Look so smooth and serene all the time like nothing bothers you?”

He chuckled, reaching out to toy with a wayward lock of her hair that lay across the grass.

“By being bothered by all of it far too many times” he admitted, “After so long, the world repeats it’s patterns. Friends and lovers come and go, all that remains is time… and the one suffering from it. That is all there really is.”

He had tilted his face up to look at the stars.

“I hadn’t pegged you as the suffering kind.”

“The first akuma I killed…..” he said softly, “Was my wife. The only wife I wanted.”

Aleia sat up to stare at him, “You made her a…”

He cut her off, his voice soft and low. “No. Her brother did. Very close to her. I was already a part of the Order and lingering relations are forbidden. She died of fever in the summer rains of my country. By the time I reached the estate it was too late, all I could do was slay what she had become.”

Aleia gaped at him.

“She was twenty three years old, heavy with our first child. For all that I might have given her, death was my gift.”

“You said estate…”

He nodded, “Yes. Long ago the last ruler of India found and cultivated a lovely estate. Dalup Singh left it to his children and theirs and theirs. It is all that is left of the true Sikh empire.”

“Wow, you are like a prince?”

“Not in the eyes of Britain and it is Her Royal Majesty’s banner that flies over my homeland.”

Aleia dropped her eyes, “I am sorry. It must be very hard.”

He sighed, “That was a very long time ago. Such things are best forgotten. We must choose to live in the now. And love there too.”

He eyed her meaningfully and then pointed to the letter, “I am certain your friends would want that.”

She nodded, gathering the letter, “I will write the letter.”

She rose to go and do just that when his hand on hers stopped her, “I would like to return home and test you against Akuma there. Will you return with me to India as part of your training?”

She shrugged, “Why not?”

He nodded, “Very good, then this is the place where Kanda should reply.” he passed her a bit of paper to include in her letter.

She met his golden eyes and smiled, “Thank you”

“It will be hard trip.”

He nodded in that regal way he had and then shooed her away so that he could take her place watching stars.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They departed a week later. Her letter to Kanda somewhere on the waves of the sea making it’s way to him.

She fervently hoped he would write.

She was dressed in leather pants, and sturdy boots. Her pack bulging with dry supplies and warm clothing. They had poured over the map, Savitar pointing out that her ship had entered China at Qingdao, they had traveled through Taian, Taiyuan, and had finally arrived in Xi’an.

She hadn’t been aware of how many miles they had covered. Most of it over small forest paths. No wonder they had walked! Now, looking at the journey before her, she was stunned. It was like walking across half the known world!

They would cross mountains together.

Savitar laughed and joked as they left the Asian Branch, traveling through the forest, the scent of coming autumn in the air. Through the crowded marketplaces of and small outlying villages, until they met the Yellow River.

They arrived at Lanzhou. Here they booked passage on a slow moving river boat that would wind it’s way towards their destination. She stared in awe at the temples in the city. The Ganzu temple with it’s many niches carved into the bare stone.

Along the river they saw the passing scenery change from small cities to rural villages and finally to untouched forest. Savitar sat on the deck with her each evening and they spoke of the travel to come and things left behind.

When they neared the Bayanhar mountain, the voyage by river ended. They walked the dusty roads through the mountain towns, Savitar cautioning her not to touch the crystal clear lakes.

“They are sacred to the people here, they say a god lives in them and if you touch them you will be punished. They also have fish without scales that swell in the waters, but the locals must not eat them. They too are sacred.”

She shook her head and walked on.

They made their way to Golmud, which in contrast to the other places they had been was arid and cold. A great valley surrounded by jagged stone walls. There were open air markets with meager offerings of fruits and vegetables.

“We can take horses to Lhasa” he told her as they approached an inn. “ From Lhasa it will mostly be on foot”.

She nodded and followed him inside.

The next day saw them at the market ,a tiny ramshackle affair that looked like would blow away with a good wind. Still, they purchased their mounts and prepared for their journey.

Unlike the western saddles she had ridden on, this one was hard, flat and very thin. She voiced no complaint, stretching often and napping when she could. But her backside hated her.

Savitar pushed them further in to the Taklamakan desert. The sand whipping around them. Savitar rode alongside her and adjusted her scarf to cover her nose and mouth and shield her eyes as his own did. They met with a small caravan of merchants with camels later that evening and rode with them. Their happy little fire seeming so small in the vast barrenness around them. But they sand cheerful songs and the women more tiny silver bells that jingled as they moved.

When at last they reached Lhasa, Aleia all but sang her own song. Her mount seemed happy as well, and she was certain the dried wheat they had been feeding them hadn’t been appetizing.

Savitar led them toward the wind swept capital of Tibet, the first light dustings of fresh snow clinging to the ground and she pulled her coat closer. The mountains loomed before them. All around them.

Mountains that had claimed countless lives and she felt the first stirrings of fear. Would hers be one of them?

Aleia was amazed at the intricate step-like city that was Lhasa, it‘s striking whites and brilliant reds. The holy men chanting in the distance. The scent of snow and spices filling the space.

“We will spend the night here and hire a guide to take us over the mountains” Savitar told her. She had nodded, grateful for the rest. That afternoon she dined on sweet spices and tender meats. Savitar making her laugh as he told humorous tales of his early days in the Order.

Of his encounters with Marian Cross and the many broken hearts left behind when the red haired man vanished.

He watched her eat with delight, for she clearly enjoyed what was given her. She had lost a great deal of weight in training and now on this journey. He could easily lift her with one arm.

“So tell me where our guide will take us?”

Savitar nodded, swallowing some sweet wine. “Through the Himalayan mountains from Lhasa into Khodari.”

She nodded, only seeing them as points on a map, but the journey, though hard was amazing to her. How she wished Kanda was here with her.

“You should see the temple” he said then and she glanced up.

“I can go?”

“Well, why not?”

“Woman. Me”

He laughed, “These people are not like that, the monks in this place… are a gentle people.”

So they climbed and climbed until they encountered a man with a shaven head. He looked confused by their presence but he smiled anyway. Savitar spoke to him a swift swishing language and the man glanced at her.

“Please come” he said in halting English, bowing and motioning her forward. The air was warm and still here, peaceful. The scent of incense thick around her. She watched as Savitar unlaced his boots just inside the door and followed his lead.

They padded down chilly stone halls to a place where two great golden doors sat.

“The holiest man here, is behind those doors. They say that his love for the world can touch you even through walls.” Savitar said softly.

The monk beside her, urged to her to another room, where several monks sat in meditation. When he gestured to a pillow, she sank on it.

“Sometimes…soul get lost” the monk said, “With love. You find it.”

She heard the soft chants, and chimes, and closed her eyes, letting her heart feel this place. Feeling the love of the people around her, wrap around her, flow through her and she smiled, adding her own love to the mix.

As she was leaving much later, an older monk smiled at her and said, “See you very soon.”

She blinked but smiled anyway, her heart feeling lighter because of the gentle spirit she had encountered.

She bowed to the monk at the gateway, “Thank you.”

Savitar watched it all, his golden eyes tracing over her soft features and smiled.

“I wonder if you know” he said as they descended the steps again.

“What’s that?” she asked.

Savitar looked up at the fiery orange sky, “How beautiful you are.”

She blushed and looked away, “Pervert.” But she smiled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They began the climb the next day. Up and over the mighty Himalayan mountains. So high that the air thinned and she panted for air. Savitar was always beside her, “Breathe slowly”. The wind slammed into them, the snow swirled, blinding them.

She clung to the side of the mountain as they traversed the thin, rocky crevices. A rope looped at the waist, kept them all connected, reminding her that they could easily fall here. Die.

Suddenly she laughed out loud, making Savitar look up at her. His golden eyes were boring into her.

“What life without a little risk?” she shouted to him.

His handsome features split into a wide grin.

Later that day she got the risk she’d been looking for when her footing slipped and she nearly fell.

Savitar grasped the rope and looped it around a large outcropping of rock, reaching down to grab her with the other hand as he did so.

He pulled her back up and let her huddle in the shelter of his arms for a few minutes.

“You were saying?”

“That I love flat ground and risk free life” she said quickly, “Love it.”

He laughed at her.

They traveled by day, hunkering down in the hollows of the mountains by night. They slept in shifts, each one taking a turn making certain that the small tent stayed up and the fire stayed lit and no one died in their sleep.

Because the air was so thin, and the temperature so cold, Aleia fought to stay awake during her watch. The urge to sleep so strong. But people were depending on her and she wouldn’t let them down.

After nearly fifteen days, they came down from the mountains. Wind burned, exhausted, hungry and dirty.

Kodari was a welcome relief. There were may hot springs on the way into town and they stopped at one to scrub the worst of the mountain stink off them before heading back to civilization. The houses built against the mountains. The shops lining the small streets.

Aleia watched as Savitar and their guide procured rooms and then she smiled at them, “Real food!”

They laughed as she hurried towards the vendors to snoop. The guide would have dinner with them tonight and then go his own way. It then that Savitar pointed out they might as well stay a few days to rest up and plan for the next leg of their journey.

Aleia wasn’t about to argue. She was able to sleep without fear of dying from cold. She could have a hot bath and food! Life couldn’t be better!

“You’re as bad as Allen” Savitar teased her as she bought a spice bun and devoured it, immediately turning for another.

She smiled at him and he thought she looked quite nice, even with food swollen wind chapped cheeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amir, the guide stumbled into his room on tired legs. He dropped his pack and turned toward the low bed. Sleep. Sleep would be good.

A low flicking noise drew his attention as did the small burst of flame from the corner. It was quickly out and he saw the red glow of a cigarette.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“Tyki Mikk. You have something very important to me in your care.” he said smoothly taking a long drag. His golden eyes followed the smaller man around the room.

“I have nothing of yours” Amir insisted and made for the door. This man, in his fine suit was not normal. His eyes like melted gold, his skin gray like a dead man.

Tyki cut him off, “Not so fast.”

“Let me go! I have nothing!”

“But you do. You have two exorcists in your care. You were their guide.”

Amir’s eyes went wide.

Tyki smiled, “Yes I see you begin to understand. You are going to help me get closer to them.”

Amir shook his head but Tyki merely laughed. “Oh you won’t have a choice. Don’t worry once I am done borrowing you… I won’t leave you to suffer the guilt.”

Amir flinched when the man ran his elegant hands over his face. He opened his mouth to scream but the man silenced him with a palm over his nose and mouth.

“Now now, don’t be like that. I am just going to merge with you, control you and then later… I will kill you. Or at least Tease will.”

The man felt ill and icy cold as the man before him slid into his skin and then he knew nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Savitar looked over at the guide Amir. The man quietly sipping his tea, staring out over the small orangish dots that were lanterns on the mountainside. Something about the man seemed off, but he couldn’t place it.

“Amir?”

The man blinked and turned to him a smile in place. “Yes?”

“Are you well?”

“Yes. Just a bit tired. The mountains take it out of me these days”. A perfectly logical excuse.

Savitar nodded, his gaze finding Aleia across the room. Some local children were making her a bead bracelet.

“She is very pretty” Amir said then.

Savitar smiled softly, “Yes, she really is.”

“She will be yours?”

Savitar eyed the man and then chuckled, “Yes I think so.”

Amir chuckled, and unseen by Savitar his eyes flashed golden for a moment, “Yes, I think so too” he agreed, for completely different reasons.

For Tyki liked lovely things. And she was lovely as well as useful.