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Heh Killua	By : Dadou Category: +G to L > Hunter x Hunter Views: 4595 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money for the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
I'm sorry for the long wait! I've been reaally busy on work! But to make amends I'm giving you two chapters in a row (Next one tomorrow) :)

Ok, now onto serious matters. This chapter has a major Warning.Thanks to all of those that have kept with me now.

I do understand though that there are all kinds of readers, so, I encourage all of you to read what you like with freedom. But you are warned, you will find graphic violence, sexual content and extreme abuse. If you do not want to stumble with these items and something terribly crude, please do not continue. You've been warned so don't flame. What's to come is sad. And it happens. Terribly difficult to write... (Part of why I took so long...)

Long chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own hxh

CHAPTER 10: x VOID x

He was mindlessly wasting minutes, enumerating the rules of poker. As he closed his eyes, he knew it was time. He looked at the digital watch at the side of the bed.

11:50 pm.

Killua slid across the sheets.

He turned the door's knob as slowly as he could.

He turned back one last time. And took with him a mental image of the sleeping boy he was leaving behind… And left.

He was still had ten full minutes...

He searched lazily for a song to hum inside his head, as he walked. Never making a sound. What was it that Senritsu called it? Estinto?

"Now I understand why Kurapica trusts you. It's amazing; you've got the softest steps I've ever heard! Truly an assassin"

He noticed the silence after the recent hard rain … and the lonely halls reaching the deck.

White-washed in the moon's light, arching the magnificence of the ship...

In other occasion it would have been peaceful...The given situation lined them like the lonely walkways of a graveyard. The world was held by the pale light, all still, as if communicating it shouldn't be disturbed… He had to swim against the thick silence.

Out there, the sea was a spoonful holding the firmament.

He grinned bitterly.

All was void of sound and meaning. It held no beauty; if somewhat a little cruelty.

It was inviting

His legs took him to the known handrail…Where some idle day Gon had spent hours upside down, trying to reach for the water unsuccessfully…

Ki-llu-aaa. He would call up, extending the vowels.

The albino had been flopped beside him, upside down. He'd reached the water with the tip of his fingers easily. Gon had been quite annoyed at this. But it hadn't stopped him from leaving them surfacing the water till they'd Gone numb.

The night breeze now played with some strands of his hair. Distracted, he'd peered down the edge. He'd caught a boy staring from the dark waters. As if from a well.

And that a reflection held no answers.

In the same way that the cold canvas of scenery beheld him in mute silence.

He shook his dark thoughts away. He was wasting time.

But he wasn't moving.

So he wasn't jumping in glee at tonight prospect. Right. And he was darkly amused to notice his legs momentarily refused to move his body, a rare reaction for him. What would Gotoh say to that eh?

Where was it? His determination. To remind himself again. And again. As if chanting a mantra.

Oh, there it was, and he began walking silently, hands in his pockets. And it was somewhat soothing.

Peaceful night for you Freecs.

He yearned for Gon's frame of mind right now, being the optimistic one. Or at least that his head was conceded with a silence resembling the one outside. But he was going to fight Illumi. He was. He had to. So he was. That should be a little bit satisfying. No? -Yeah, in the narrow chance that you are actually able to fight back. He laughed bitterly.

For his mental stability he'd keep the wishful thinking.

Yeah right.

As if in other moments of his life he'd been able to keep up with such deceptive thoughts for more than just a paltry moment.

He walked, his characteristic nonchalant pace, his head chanting now some idle tune.

Down the stairs. Tap tap tap.

Not thinking anymore. Not even feeling dread. He crossed the spot where he'd been lifted by his collar. And he felt nothing. Emptiness.

Good. He'd started wondering since when he'd become so weak to pain.

He turned the corner. Where he stared the dark hall. Three steps and he would be in front of the door. He felt his own Nen flowing- a faint warm layer blanketing him since he left Gon's room. Nothing was impeding him from using it.

He would give a fight.

And he was stalling, outside that door.

He had already calculated all the possible different outcomes. He'd rechecked them. And rechecked.

His watch itched against his skin.

00:00

He sighed...

And he turned the handle...

-Killua! What are you thinking?

Gon stood up, his fist clenched.

They were in front of Nobunaga, trapped in a room at the spiders den. Only some candles lit the chamber.

The albino sighed...It was a matter of time.

And he took another step forward.

That was why it made sense. 'You can't' Illumi had said...

-Shut up! - The albino had yelled at Nobunaga as he mocked them. - If we don't try, we'll never know!-

Nobunaga shook his head. Ready for the attack. Killua had turned to face Gon.

-I'll manage to stop his sword, even if it costs me my life. You'll use that moment to escape-

He looked ahead to avoid Gon's stare. And he felt the determination blanket his stress.

There'd been a moment of silence where he took a step forward. And then...

VLAM.

Uh?

He'd been hit.

Gon had punched him. Agh!

Killua turned swiftly to grab the collar of his green shirt feeling furious.

-ARE YOU CRAZY!

-YOU'RE THE ONE CRAZY! Gon eyes were lit in anger.

-WHAT THE F***?

He was about to knock the DUMBASS, but Gon spat angry

- YOU'RE the one that told me NOT to talk so easily of dying!

-WHAT?

And then Gon yelled crossly, shaking his head furious

-It's all the same to me if I die but not YOU!

The raven boy glared in rage.

What...?

Nobunaga exploded in laughter.

-Ah! You're funny!

...

At the end they had been able to escape. Safe and sound, both of them, running together. And that was the first time he'd tasted cheap beer...

Killua opened the door...The lights were off. He could make out a bed and a table. And there didn't seem to be anybo-.

Someone had covered his mouth, faster than what he could react. This is to say a lot. But again, this didn't surprise him.

"Brother" he registered a hand that grasped his shoulder tightly from behind.

"So… obedient. Like a dog" He felt the monotone murmur down his ear. Long hair sliding to his shoulder... "Just like my beloved little puppet"

And in a second Killua turned, summoning electricity to his palm. But Illumi grasped his forearm.

And he realized with exasperation that he'd been forced into zetsu several seconds before.

Illumi's iron fingers clasped his arm over his head, and detachedly he felt the pain as he wondered when it had happened. He ran calculations in demisecs- Now he had to try if attacks from afar would work.

Illumi was smiling.

Correction. Smirking. With certain fondness...

Killua closed his eyes. And he relaxed, falling limply to the front, against the elder's chest.

He waited. Without moving.

Illumi amused lifted Killua's chin as his grasp loosened.

His dark bottomless eyes- and Killua jumped backwards releasing his arm. Hah, he'd fallen.

Now he would rely on speed. As he did so he tried again to summon electricity-all in half a millisecond -

And dizziness struck him. He stumbled; realizing he felt like all his limbs weighed a ton. Oh, so he still was in zetsu. He cursed under his breath.

No, it was more than that. It was as if Illumi was draining all of his energy, while not having moved at all from the corner near the door.

Alarms were ringing inside his head as he realized he'd fallen to his knees without meaning too.

And he didn't miss the elder's expression.

He clenched his fists trying to move.

The elder had approached him slowly… and had gently lifted the boy. As he did so Killua turned swiftly to sink his claw. He grazed him drawing blood before his hand was taken. Expecting that he twisted his arm to use the other one to sink the pocket knife he carried into the elder's chest. Illumi just stared at him, already his fingers around the wrist that held the weapon a millimeter from the body clenching firmly the boy's smaller hand. Slowly twisting. Pain aside the albino didn't let go of the pocket knife, so Illumi just took it off. The elder tossed it, raising an eyebrow mockingly. And Killua couldn't help but agree. It had felt pathetic.

"...Hadda try" he tilted an empty grin.

Killua felt the draining of energy loosening its coil around his body…Illumi caressed the loose silver strands of hair framing his forehead.

"To kill me?" He lifted an eyebrow.

With empty eyes Killua assented.

And as the man dropped his hand to the boy's shoulder to toss him to the floor, Killua acknowledged, with a sinking familiar feeling, that nothing had escaped his own predictions.

He hit the ground, avoiding those dark pits of eyes that beheld him.

And he felt dead, just dead. He wasn't even aiming for a scream or anything. The boy stared at the ceiling as Illumi hovered over him and started to unbutton his shirt. "I missed you Killua..." A voice more akin to control than to emotion. "I've been condescending. I've let you wonder out into the world for quite some time" he whispered against his neck.

Oh and there he was thinking his freedom was his own achievement.

And then he felt a mouth kissing unresponding lips. He stared at the ceiling. That hand trailing down there, the unzipping of pants...

But it abruptly stopped... And the elder incorporated. As seconds passed and nothing came, not a punch, not anything, Killua finally stared at his elder brother.

Illumi was disgusted.

Somehow it was an expression that regrettably stuck to his mind. Those dark eyes in disgust.

"This is just paperwork for you" the voice observed…and there was a hint of amusement. His eyes had turned darker.

"You're like another slut" The corner of his mouth lifted faintly. And Killua was raised by his PJ's and was tossed to the bed. He felt nails sinking in his waist

"Now Kills, you are smart. If I'd wanted that, I would have just snapped my fingers back at home. I would receive better services, sparing me off the journey, don't you agree" he said tonelessly, as he patiently lowered himself over the boy, his grasp tightening the ring of pain around his arm.

"I'm sure you're aware of this" there was again that faint amusement on that cold voice. And he could feel each one of his nails sunk against his waist.

"Sorry. It's all I've got in stock".

And he felt the sting on his cheek reach his skull to the side.

He'd been slapped with force. When he looked up, he met with defiance Illumi severe expression…the same one he bore when training. His weight made it more difficult to breathe. Two cold fingers grabbed his chin forcefully.

"I could kill you. I have the power. Do you understand that" His acrid toneless voice was low as a knee pressed to his chest. And suddenly Killua felt that anger almost visibly coiling around his body, engulfing him.

"...Father wouldn't like it" He answered emptily.

"He wouldn't know the actors involved" those dark eyes beheld him...

...Then do so...

But something in those eyes softened. Killua looked away.

"Killua, you've got things in the wrong order" Illumi insisted patiently as he lowered over the boy. "Wake up" And a punch came to his ribs. He was left breathless.

But he felt dead. A slap, a punch they were nothing. Sometimes in the old days Illumi would do that … He was just waiting for it to finish... and the other part to start...

Suddenly a fist came to his stomach making him curl involuntarily. Illumi smirked. And Killua felt the pain wave. But he didn't make a sound.

Again, rock hard punch this time to his chest. He felt all the air leave him painfully. Wearily, he tried again to protect himself with Nen but to no avail. Illumi's aura enveloped him sickly….a surpassing possessiveness against his skin.

He endured. He always endured.

But then Illumi leaned, his hair falling to the boy's shoulders. He whispered against his ears

"So, are you starting to believe your lie? Ah little Killua?"

Other less trained would have shivered at the name. He felt the uneasiness creeping as he tried to refrain from showing anything but his impassive mask, looking at one side.

"How do you do it?" Illumi loosened the grasp of his arm to unbutton the rest of his shirt. "Believing the lie you think you are living? Again?"

But Killua had seen his narrow chance immediately, moving his arm fast away, and gaining momentum with his legs.

He learned immediately Illumi had loosened him on purpose as he caught him and turned him violently to punch him on his back, now holding him with his knee to hold him still. Sighing in disappointment. Killua felt his pajama top being torn in two tries, the sick sound of cloth tearing.

Illumi's voice was very very low.

"Stop messing around Kills" he felt the fist connect to his backbone. Sharp pain traveled through his spine. He felt claws bury on the skin of his back and his breath hitched. Illumi then yanked his hair.

Remember, it's just pain.

"Beg"

"No"

He then pushed Killua's head into the mattress, not letting him breathe.

Seconds later he was yanked again from his head.

"Beg"

"No"

He once could follow, feign, comply, submit, tainted as ever, dirty-he'd always been. The painful fact was burnt into his brain. But now he wouldn't do what Illumi wanted; he had...he had something he cared for under lock and he'd tossed the key. He was not dead as he'd been before...

Suddenly with the corner of his eye he saw Illumi retrieving his pocket knife and before he knew it he felt blinding pain on his back.

"Ngh"

Illumi was drawing a single straight line down his spine. The pain rose and fell. It was just another torture session, it was just pain...

The elder could tell though the boy's expression was dissociated. And he sunk the tip of that blade again, now at the small of his back. And the boy realized he was being written something.

"Feeling creative…" the albino muttered under his breath, not able to hide the thickness of his voice.

Pain. Illumi had caught his bruised wrist and had twisted again to dislocate it.

"Tch-"Killua closed his eyes, biting his lip. No, that pain would not reach his dead eyes, he wouldn't allow it-but Bastard he wasn't a fucking farm animal to be branded – the albino used his own knee against the mattress to flip over.

But as he did so, the blade on Illumi's hand sank deep on his hip.

In slow motion he felt it hit the bone. Illumi was startled...but left it there, observing.

In delay he felt blinding pain, like a needle embedded in his nerves chill up his spine. And then the immediate red wetness trailing his waist. He felt faint. Switch.

Dead again.

Automatically, all endurance and self control summoned to hold to the numbness. He felt the dizziness reach his head… Blood on his back, and on the sheets. It pulsed up his spine, the pain.

And he… he actually grinned feeling the irony…The pain it… it just augmented that desire that was eating him from inside to die. Nonexistence being a void so much preferable than the one in those eyes.

You could read in them surprise. Then Lust. And Killua felt the strong aura rise smothering as his hands were pinned.

"You…" He observed Killua intently "You are the one that makes me do this brother. It's as if you still, still don't understand". He smirked, pressing down the smaller body, cherishing the control.

"You do this as if you were making me a favor. When I'm just putting things on the right place" he hummed against his skin"...It's for your own good..." His hand covered the wound at his waist, as if to stop the bleeding. The boy remained impassive; slightly trembling at the strain it took to endure against those void eyes...as if they were two seams where all light was consumed to nonexistence. He fought back the childhood terror. As Illumi shortened the distance between them he muttered, looking intently at the boy's reaction.

"You're doing me no favor. I've had better than you. And now... I'm actually dying to do this to an actual virgin. A raven virgin in particular"

His heart stopped.

He's just taunting. He is.

Illumi's sickening tongue continued to explore... And he let him...

"Mmm but little brother... I bet you would want to do it yourself on him first uh?"

Killua kicked violently Not Gon, not here but that voice continued to drip black words "Don't you want to mark him as your property? Aah... you see...the problem is that I'm doing now the exact same thing to you…things you won't be able to undo"

And the boy felt a certain lack of air, as if the words were stones weighing over his bare chest.

"I'll be priceless when I try him for the first-"

"I'll kill you" he smirked. He didn't recognize his voice.

Illumi seemed offset a second, and then he chuckled "Oh so then why haven't you already uh? Mmmm I have a wild guess here."

And he unzipped his pants.

Killua felt bitterness reach his throat.

"It's either 'cause you can't… or cause you like this" He grinned. "Stop kicking Killua"

Toneless command as he felt a punch again to his chest to cut his breath.

He felt the unburying, the resurfacing of that familiar blazing hate.

Oh have the rest, the vulture on the ruined meat, the awareness of his exposed body cutting clear as he felt the elder's hand grazing his waist, his thigh…. He wouldn't mess with his mind. And yet Illumi chuckled, as if reading the boy's gaze.

"I know you brother. Entirely" his soul-less eyes stared into Killua's orbs "Because I made you into what you are."

"No" Edge of bitterness in that single syllable. Like marking a limit.

"You might try to deny it...I once did myself. But you are the coldblooded killer I trained Kills. The best assassin the family has given"

"No." Not anymore.

"… and mine" Illumi's aura rose, in a rush of thrilling venom "I created you. All those machines connected to your body" and Illumi took eager the boy's elbows, where once indeed he'd adjusted the electric wires "all the people I forced you to kill until you liked the business on your own-" he said almost breathless, savoring each word.

"NO" he felt again that scorching-white hate burning his lungs.

"YES" and as if to ink the truth of this, Illumi took the pocket knife. Killua braced himself; he was being particularly violent this time.

"You're mine creation" he delighted in tracing slowly a short line on the soft skin down his navel to the open hem of his pants. Killua hissed, actually feeling the sudden searing cut of the blade against his skin–No. No -

"Imagine what would Gon think if he saw you begging. Why don't we build that scenario? Uh" He felt the fingers grazing the wound. And a leap of pain. Those eyes burning into his

"Cause you want someone to touch you like I do." He smiled "It's too sad that the one who you want is too naïve to treat you like I do-"

"CUT IT NOW ILLUMI, YOU LEAVE GON OUT OF THIS" feeling the rage, the fear- knowing he'd crossed a boundary just by calling him by his name as he was slapped.

"You don't get to say what gets done" His eyes darkened "But don't worry I'll teach him soon, he'll like it as you di-"

"YOULL BE DEAD BEFORE YOU TRY" he'd managed to lift his arm, his hand already a claw, but it was caught in the air.

And this time he felt it. A loud crunch.

"NNgh!" Hand swiftly over his mouth to muffle the cry.

Illumi pressed strongly prolonging the affliction, observing the boy's expression, wide bottomless eyes.

The albino shut tight his eyes. He had to endure.

Illumi's hovered over the boy, feeling the power in a sudden rush. Not letting go, the man trailed down with his other hand...lower enough to touch Killua there over his boxers, his pants unzipped.

Time stopped.

"I can imagine Gon's face when I squeeze him" He wrapped his hand around Killua…No... He'd lowered himself... He sucked the tender skin of his navel… Blood dripped from the wound he'd produced before.

"No..." his voice was just a whisper as he shifted to avoid it. Don't…please…no

"What? You said please Gon" He continued slowly

"No, no no no no no NO NO! NO!" he felt a wave of nausea hit him. Gon could not be here present, not on the conversation, not on this, he wouldn't allow it.

Illumi pulled out the blade "After all, you were the one that came here like an obedient dog, just like my beloved little puppet!" A cut over the first one but deeper. The searing pain arched Killua back and he gasped, he was feeling the pain, like in zoom Wtf Wtf-

A rush of connection to his body, like lightening up an electricity panel, to all the pains, the bruises, the cuts, the broken bone, the connection threatened to overcome him. Illumi sucked again the soft skin of his navel, nearing there... And he tried not to listen, not to break, not to throw up, not to feel, and a knot closed his throat… a knot that had no relation to the pain but to…Gon's image.

"Stop kicking!" Illumi held with strength his knees bent to stop his thrashing, opening them to allow-

"NO" he kicked him and fought- He didn't want this...Escape.

He was slapped again "So you want this to be faster heh?"

His dark eyes held him. And he kissed him violently on the mouth.

"Nggh!" Killua tried breathing but Illumi's tongue forbid it, forcing to open the boy's mouth to allow the intrusion. As he did he felt the blood on his back, the faintness, he was losing blood from the gash. Killua shut his eyes. When he parted his lips and left for the neck, Killua breathed but a finger was introduced into his mouth. He tasted blood.

"So you like it Killua? Your blood?" and before he could react another flesh was introduced into his mouth. He gagged trying to pull away. But Illumi yanked his hair to lift him to his waist "You try anything stupid and I'll kill him." And then he proceeded to thrust himself into his mouth. "I'll be delighted"

Not…not happening…

Air. He needed air...he gagged... pain...air. His words came as if underwater, his throat raw-

"Oh it's so sad. Imagine you are going to give your first kiss with this same precious mouth now holding me!" His thoughts were now just images- Gon... the pain...thrust... air… words… Gon…gag … breathe

"How will you confess him how traveled you are? How could you even dare! Being as disgustingly used like a tooth brush over and over"

Air!…he…needed…air...Gon...-air…breath... him knowing… gag, air, Killuaa Gon's voice. Extending the vowels…

It went on an on... until Illumi pulled out.

Forceful intake of air.

The boy choked as he hit the bed.

Sob of air. Illumi lowered himself to spread the boy's legs and take of his pants eager. He closed on himself. Air- Resisting the grasp, clenching his fist. Feeling the blazing aGony on the gash near his hip- Air Air. His mind tried to grasp something. His lungs were burning, a roar in his ears. Not registering that he could not breathe, just sob for air and choke lying on one side, folded on himself, his fist clenched... Sob… Air... Sob... Gon... Air... Sob... Hate... Air.

There again, again againagain. He was there again.…

He felt Illumi hardening against him, he was there again again.

"This is most interesting. I haven't seen you like this since you were so small" Illumi whispered. He was sadistically enjoying the wetness trailing from his younger brother eyes as his chest hitched with no control. He gently cupped the boy's face… and the boy's knuckles whitened, his clench so fierce. And the cold spidery hands stopped at the boys pants.

A wave of tiredness hit him. He was sick... He wanted things to be over, just a warm bed, safe alone, let it end. He felt the iron cold fingers around his waist and he shut tight his eyes. He was being taken the pants along the boxers. Let this end. Killua realized he was hearing himself crying. He knew what part was coming. Make it stop.

Time edged down. His legs were being spread and his waist lifted…Illumi stopped at his own loosened belt, to take it now off completely, maybe to tie him.

And Killua changed of plan. He was leaving and taking Gon safe away. They could leave on the boat to wherever. An endless sea would be better than this. He had to escape this. Escape this. He couldn't, he just couldn't anymore... He thought he'd be able to face this, but he couldn't take it. He kicked trying to free himself.

"Ow!"

Disbelief. He'd kicked Illumi on his chest with both his legs, and tumbled him.

He made a run for the door.

It was open.

He'd crossed it.

He was running

Escape

He was free.

Arms encircled him

"NO!"

He fought. With nails and teeth. But he was dragged and thrown to the bed violently. He lost sense of orientation, but still tried to stand again. Fight. But he was flipped and his head was pushed against the mattress... A body pressed him to the bed, the weight immobilizing him. No- two hands grabbed his hips and separated his thighs, a hand to push his head down No NO NO NO-

AAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Cry of pleasure.

Killua's scream

PAIN

Illumi pulled out and thrust again.

This is not happening

He heard his own voice howling, as he was pushed against the blanket to muffle him…he was screaming like never before- Pain-he couldn't switch to dead mode -PAIN, burnt, he was begging stop, let it stop "STOP!" feeling down all the searing PAIN, he hissed -WHY- pain- WHY- Illumi grabbed his hips firmly and thrust further into him, his name being called AGH PAIN stop! Stop! STOP! - But Killua... I can't...- His voice in lust, please, please stop, NO! Rip and skin being torn

"AAAAAAGHHGH!" PAIN shot up his spine- he roared- STOP THE PAIN- "STOP!"

Let him die

He cried now freely as he tried to be deaf to Illumi's rhythm, and felt sick, let me die he cried, but Illumi's arms surrounded him to stop his thrashing and panted to go further in, he was being torn, broken, burnt from inside, ripped, searing pain, pain pain pain. Only that blazing white pain.

Killua howled...

And gradually... he felt... numb...

Numbness.

His body had shut down.

He breathed. Blood down there was making things easier...

And suddenly he was far, far... system shutdown far… time seemed to float in a different way…

He did not gather when Illumi escalated his gasps, holding his limp shoulders, nor when the elder cried in pleasure arching his back, and pulled out one last time, to plunge into Killua's dead body. He did not register as he was filled with stuff he'd rather not know off... he did not register when Illumi pulled out. Words from afar were being spoken by him "broken toy…" he would say... he did not care... he was so far and drowsy. He felt so tired… He did not notice when Illumi left the room. From far above he tried to move... it pained... and so he kept still for hours on end… drifting…

He only registered the last words Illumi had spoken before he'd left...words that hung in the air...and painted the ceilings... and drifted as haunting echoes…. "I'll return to the ship in one week. Tell anyone and I'll take him away with me. Until you find his small tanned body floating overseas"... and the empty smirk yes...

...A door closed... and from the corner of his mind he thought he had to go back and protect Gon...Gon But then the ceilings and walls slowly faded to black...

-Catch me!

Gon was running... the hills deepened the afterglow of the sunset. Each blade of grass and each tree gently blurred with the island's breeze...

He ran after him, after him, after him. Feeling the wind against his hair. Gon turned to smile.

-Ki-llu-aaa!

-I can't! You're too fast!

He felt the grass under his feet. And the wind against his skin. And the green blur in front...

-Come on dumbass! I know you can! So catch me!

...

...Swimming. A huge dark lake, floating in black waters…. Lifting his arm. Trying to reach to the surface of consciousness…

...

...As he opened his eyes he barely realized it was still dark. He moved slowly…

...Pain...

The room went hazy. He drowned again.

He'd drifted to blackness...

...

...He awoke again.

It was still dark...

It was cold.

He was shivering... He still was drifting...

He tried to move.

Pain

He tried to incorporate...

Ow Ow Ow

He breathed. Ok. Again...

He moved slowly...

He managed to lift himself. He knelt naked, blinding pain. He took the room, in the darkness. He was alone... He grabbed a fistful of the sheets... And slowly he took them to clean the smeared patches of skin across his body with them. All of it. Slowly as the pain would allow. The wounds had stopped bleeding...Down there too...Slowly, he reached out... his boxers... He pulled them on, with effort. Then his pants... he stared at some rags...his pajama top was ruined.

He finished his movements with effort. And fell against the bed exhausted. He smelt the blood. And him... it bothered him.

You can do this...

You've done this before…

He lifted himself once more and sat at the edge of the bed... pain bothered him... a known pain. He slowly aimed to walk...

Step...

And he staggered falling on his knees. He bit his lip.

And he pulled himself together and aimed for the door ...He opened it.

Zombie walking slowly. There was pain on his every move but he was elsewhere… Halls appeared to his sight as if in slow motion.

Step. After step...When he turned a corner, reaching the deck, he stopped. He realized he'd fallen to his knees... because of the pain...

The sea that he'd stared at hours before now seemed unrecognizable… The deck, the moon, the halls, they all seemed unfamiliar.

At the edge of his mind... the pain he was still pushing back, unacknowledged.

He stayed there staring with empty eyes far ahead. His gaze lost.

Half an hour later he made the effort to reinitiate his mind. His warm bed was waiting…

He mustered strength somewhere to stand up.

He'd been shivering. He was shivering. Sleepwalking.

He'd reached his room.

Gon slept.

Gon was ok.

He went into the bathroom... and he slumped to the floor. Slowly pain made him lean his whole body against the cool tiles... as he felt pain in every motion...He rested there.

In his chest he felt nothing really. Just tiredness.

He closed his eyes. Images. Torn images of it all... broken jigsaw pieces that lacked sense as he felt like floating through them...

Long time passed before he slowly incorporated.

Slowly he addressed the wounds with toilet paper in case they continued to bleed...

He felt reality slowly edging down. Time felt more real and so did the pain. He decided to change his clothing, which was stained with blood and... Semen… and hide it. He put long dark pajamas to hide all the bruising. As he did he saw the word written on his back but it just made him stare startled before he covered it. Then he went to bed slowly. And slowly he was by Gon's side who was fast asleep. He felt so cold...his teeth were chattering. He tensed, to stop but it was painful... He curled and closed his eyes. Gon was so warm...he was still shivering. He couldn't stop shivering...

"Killua?"

His blood froze.

He did not answer

"Killua. You're shivering" a very drowsy and sleepy voice. He felt Gon incorporating.

He looked at the albino who had his eyes closed. And he covered the boy, tucking him with all the quilts. With care he made sure he was well covered.

"There you go"

He dropped dead weight to bed, and snuggled closer...

Killua suddenly closed his eyes in anger... he fought back the tears of rage. He was a fucking liar, a fucking dirty liar...
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Heh Killua