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Pins and Needles	By : libek Category: Digimon > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 5186 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon: Digital Monsters, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Prelude
- 2-Daisuke
- 3-Yamato
- 4-Ken
- 5-Yamato
- 6-Miyako
- 7-Ken
- 8-Yamato
- 9-Takeru
- 10-Ken
- 11-Yamato
- 12-Ken
- 13-Yamato
- 14-Hikari
- 15-Ken
- 10
- 11
- 12
DISCLAIMER: See previous parts.

A/N: Yamato's POV again. Poor boy. A good deal of angst, and we see Taichi once more. Some things are explained, and new questions are raised. All in all, it's a typical chapter from me in this fanfic. Oh, but there are some heavy implications of violence. Sorry about that. Ken isn't a very nice person right now.

Pins and Needles

Part Eleven

by Libek

After so long spent in the upper levels, the penetrating cold of the prison came as something of an unpleasant shock and Yamato hunkered down in his cloak, clinging to it for the warmth it provided and for a moment feeling so grateful that he almost did not care that it had cost some poor digimon his life. Yamato froze in the act of hugging himself and gave the flesh of his wrist a sharp pinch. There were some thoughts that you should never even come close to thinking. He turned his eyes instead to the Digimon Kaizer's back, expecting it to give him nothing more than something else to think about, and realized that it had ceased its forward motion about three seconds too late to avoid crashing into him.

The impact was nothing terrible, really; just the sort of bump that he would have ordinarily muttered an apology for and moved on without thinking much about. Considering who he might have caused the very mild pain to, Yamato felt even less sorry for it than usual. Except, of course, that they had just spent the last ten minutes in stony silence. Biting his lip, he backed away hurriedly and lowered his eyes to avoid the younger boy's cool gaze. He was not afraid of Ken, knew now that he could not let himself be afraid -- but they were going to see Taichi, and he desperately did not want the Digimon Kaizer to be angry when they arrived. If only he'd had some idea what to do to prevent it...

As soon as the thought occurred to him, Yamato went down on his knees. He tucked his legs beneath his body and leaned forward so that he could bow with his fingers placed neatly on the painfully hard, blisteringly cold stone floor in front of his lowered head and wished fervently that the wardrobe had produced something a little bit thicker than satin for his clothing. To placate Ken, though -- well, anything was worth a shot.

"And what is that supposed to be?"

The Digimon Kaizer's voice was still cool, but now it held a trace of interest -- of amusement. Sucking in a deep breath and holding it somehow made talking more difficult and much easier at the same time.

"An apology," Yamato told the stone. "That was careless and clumsy of me. I -- I beg your forgiveness. Please, Digimon Kaizer-sama. Please accept my apology."

Coming out of his mouth, the words sounded stiff and far too formal, but at least he had gotten through them without laughing.

There was no sense of movement above him. He got the distinct impression that Ken was considering, weighing his apology and judging it. Then the Digimon Kaizer laughed and took a step back.

"I don't know that I believe you," he said, "but it is a lovely bow. Very well. You're forgiven this once."

And in his tone: Besides, you'll make up for this later.

Later. Even as he forced a smile, even as Ken returned it and turned abruptly to resume their journey, even as he scrambled up to follow -- even then, Yamato couldn't entirely stop himself from shuddering. Later would be when the Digimon Kaizer expected him to -- to do -- but no. He shut his mind down, blotted everything out violently, and happily did not think about that. Whatever his former friend expected of him, dreading things wouldn't help -- not him, and certainly not Taichi.

Yes, Taichi. The blond boy seized that thought and clung to it like a lifeline. That was who he should have been thinking of. That was what he needed to focus on. He would make sure Taichi was okay, or at least fit to travel, and then they could start planning their escape. After all, just because he couldn't think of any way out of this place didn't mean there wasn't one. Yamato knew that coming up with strategies -- real, solid strategies -- well...it wasn't one of his strong points. He would've missed something that would seem very obvious once Taichi had pointed it out, and then the two of them could make a mad dash for the exit and be out of the prison by nightfall. Long before the Digimon Kaizer had time to exact his payment for this time alone.

Optimism, from him? Yamato smirked faintly. He had always thought of optimists as either dreamers -- like his baby brother -- or just weak people who couldn't handle the harsh reality of things. Sarcastically, he wondered which category he had fallen into, and sighed. Rather more likely, they wouldn't be able to leave for months if at all and by the time they could the Digimon Kaizer would have used him so many times in so many ways that he would no longer want to go home. That he would no longer be able to endure the shame of explaining what had happened to him.

There. He felt more like himself already.

Unfortunately, thinking of that possibility was causing him an intense and very nearly physical sort of pain, so Yamato stopped and swallowed. This once, things would be okay because they had to be. This once, the universe would have to just let him get away with optimism.

A heavy door swung open, and Yamato froze uncertainly, trying not to make the same mistake twice with his eyes fastened firmly on the floor. He made a startled noise when the Digimon Kaizer abruptly seized one of his wrists and jerked him closer. Their eyes met for only half a second before he remembered that this was dangerous, but that was more than long enough to see the younger boy's smirk. Then he felt a cool gloved finger under his chin, lifting it.

"You wanted to see Taichi-san, did you not?" Ken's tanzanite eyes were hard and cold, but he turned them to the open door and whatever lay beyond it made the smirk on his face widen considerably. "I believe you also wanted to speak with him, but...that might be problematic. I don't know how conscious he is at the moment." He grinned, showing his teeth. "Good luck, Yamato-chan. I'll be waiting out here, so...don't take too long?"

Yamato tried to nod, found this difficult in the younger boy's grip, and looked pointedly at the door. It worried him to realize that he could actually feel the Digimon Kaizer still staring at him, like a tangible heat on his face. Or maybe that was the start of a blush. It wasn't exactly difficult to guess why Ken might've wanted him back quickly.

The door, had to think about the door. Yamato blinked and tried to see what he was looking at instead of the painfully vivid images in his own mind. Then he blinked again and frowned, because there was nothing to look at except for blackness. No light of any kind in the room beyond the door that Ken had opened. He took a step towards it, barely noticing when the Digimon Kaizer released him, too intent on the rough outlines of things further in that he could just barely make out if he squinted. He thought there was a wall, and a figure, but other than that...

Everything seemed to happen at once. One second Yamato knew he had opened his mouth to ask whether this were the right room, but before he could speak the Digimon Kaizer was reaching past him, flicking a switch on the wall to the right of the door, and the motion had brought the younger boy's face to the back of his neck, so that their bodies were almost touching. It made him tense, yanked his attention back out of the room, and then his eyes registered what they had seen when Ken had turned on the lights.

Taichi. Oh, god.

That was when he felt the hand ghosting over his rear end through his cloak, slow and subtle so that even if Taichi had had his eyes open he wouldn't have seen it. The lips that brushed the back of his neck were curved in a self-satisfied smile. And Yamato tried desperately not to throw up. They were in a room splattered with his best friend's blood, and Ken -- no, the Digimon Kaizer -- was fondling him. Squeezing and releasing and acting for all the world as though this one glimpse had fulfilled his end of the bargain, as though they were back in the privacy of his luxurious bedroom and as though there were any chance in hell that Yamato could possibly get turned on with Taichi strung up by the wrists right in front of him.

Then the brunet opened one eye, and Yamato caught his breath in panic, and the Digimon Kaizer released him with a quiet laugh, shoving him forward into the room and slamming the door shut behind him.

Silence, thick as the air in a tomb. Yamato made no move to stand up. He was fully clothed, but he felt naked -- as naked as he'd been in the bath, because clothing didn't seem to offer any protection whatsoever. Not from Ken's touch, and not from Taichi's eyes. He didn't think it would have looked like anything bad, not from the other side of the room with the cloak in the way, but what if it had? What if he'd been flushed or glassy-eyed? What if his body had been rocking with the force of the Digimon Kaizer's fucking ministrations?

Stop it! he told himself angrily. He hadn't done anything wrong, damn it. What he'd done, he'd done selflessly, sacrificing himself for Taichi's sake. Yamato was sure of it. So how come he couldn't quite convince himself that his best friend would see things the same way?

Maybe because his sacrifice and his suffering seemed so utterly inconsequential when compared to the jagged marks that scored Taichi's brown skin almost from head to toe. The brunet had been bruised and beaten, struck again and again with what had probably been a whip, made to bleed and turn purple and -- according to Wormmon -- very nearly killed outright. Yamato couldn't imagine trying to tell someone that he hadn't had any choice in the matter when that person had obviously found another path.

"Yama...to...?"

His voice. Ragged and dry and sort of reedy, but still Taichi's voice. He sounded happy. No matter how he tried, Yamato couldn't seem to meet the other boy's eyes.

"Yama?"

There was a note of uncertainty now, a certain plaintiveness. The sound of it made his chest tight. Slowly, he forced himself to rise from where he'd fallen when the Digimon Kaizer had shoved him into this horrible room. Maybe the light had blinded Taichi briefly, maybe he hadn't seen or didn't realize. Maybe.

"I'm here," Yamato whispered. "I'm here, Taichi."

Each word felt like swallowing barbed wire, but it was worth it to see the grin that spread across his best friend's swollen face. "Good," Taichi said hoarsely. Then he shook his head. "Sorry. 'Course you're here, right? Why wouldn't you be? But...I have dreams sometimes." His mouth twisted in a way that looked bitter, then went slack. "You're in all the good ones, though."

Oh, how Yamato tried to smile at him, to appreciate the light teasing and the good humor that he knew must've been so hard to keep up. He wanted to let Taichi believe that it was working, that it was keeping the tension out of the air, and he thought he was doing okay with that until his vision blurred and he realized there were tears in his eyes. Yamato swallowed, closed them, then darted forward and threw his arms around his best friend's neck and hugged him as tight as he possibly could and thought, Machismo be damned.

He didn't let go until he heard a muffled grunt of pain and it abruptly occurred to him that Taichi wasn't in the best of shape for bear hugs. Yamato pulled back hastily. "Oh, god, Taichi...I'm sorry! Are you..." He cut himself off and shook his head. "Of course you're not okay. Stupid question. But I mean, I didn't break anything...?"

When he tore strips off the bottom of his shirt and started to wrap them around the gashes that were still bleeding or had opened up from the force of his hug, Taichi winced slightly but was somehow still grinning when Yamato dared to glance up at his face. "Nah," the brunet said fondly. "Nothing that wasn't broken already."

Staring at his best friend, Yamato could no longer stop the tears. He should have killed Ken in the night, even if it meant strangling the younger boy with his bare hands. Taichi didn't deserve this -- and no one did, but least of all Taichi. The Digimon Kaizer had already taken Agumon, forced them to fight one of their own and forced Taichi to give the order that his digimon partner be killed. Yet, when Ken had come back, when Daisuke had claimed he was better now...Taichi had forgiven him without question. They might not have been close friends, but the brunet had never hated or persecuted him for it, and this was the thanks he got. Yamato bit his lower lip until he tasted blood and struggled to keep his hands from shaking while he dressed the other boy's wounds. He had never regretted not killing someone before.

"I'm sorry," he said finally.

Taichi blinked at him, and only one eye responded. The other one was swollen shut. "For what?" Then he laughed. "Yama, don't be stupid. You didn't do anything."

Really, he should have explained it then. He certainly wanted to. But when Yamato tried to force the words out, when he tried to say that he had had the opportunity to save them all last night and hadn't taken it -- all he managed was a weak, whimpery noise. His throat had gone tight and closed off, choked his attempted confession with the knowledge of what else it would heave meant admitting. Wouldn't Taichi want to know what he'd been doing in the Digimon Kaizer's room, in the Digimon Kaizer's bed? The way he'd wondered what Ken had done to earn the Master's implicit trust. And like him, Taichi wouldn't be stupid enough to believe it was all an innocent coincidence. If he got really lucky, the brunet might decide he'd been raped and maybe not be so furious over it that he got himself killed.

As with so many things that day, Yamato closed his eyes tightly and tried not to think about it. Tried not to visualize his best friend's dead body. "I...I guess not," he murmured, somehow still feeling like a traitor. "I just wish I'd known, is all."

"You and me both," his best friend agreed heartily. "We never should have trusted him."

There was a new venom in the other boy's voice that made Yamato pause, made him frown uncertainly, but then he grinned, said, "You're probably right," and went back to securing the last of the makeshift bandages. After all, Taichi had every right to be angry.

"I mean, we were stupid," the other boy continued dully. It was sort of strange. He looked tired, even worn, but at the same time...there was a kind of fierceness in him. "People don't change that much overnight, no matter what they've been through. He's probably had this planned all along."

Startled, Yamato glanced up at him, thinking -- that must have been a joke. There was no way he could have meant it seriously, right? But in his eyes, no glimmer of humor. "You...really think that?"

If anything, this cautious question seemed to surprise Taichi more than his blunt statement had surprised Yamato. The brunet stared at him, openly sarcastic. "Well, let's see. He's beaten me, tortured me, and enslaved my digimon -- a lot like the shit he was doing four years ago. And just like four years ago, he's calling himself the Digimon Kaizer. Gee, I wonder if there could possibly be some connection."

His words were more than venomous now. They were acidic, and Yamato winced a little. He felt torn, not to mention slightly incredulous. "But Taichi, that doesn't make sense. Without the Dark Seed --"

"What proof do we really have that Oikawa ever actually took it out?"

That stopped Yamato. He frowned and started to reply, not even sure what he was going to say, but Taichi cut him off.

"Sure," the other boy began smoothly, "I know Ken said he did, and Daisuke backed him up 'cause he puts blind faith in people like that, but supposedly the whole thing happened in the back of that truck, right? Conveniently when there was no one else around?" He snorted in a contemptuous sort of way. "Nope, don't buy it. That Dark Seed thing's still inside him, ten to one. In fact --"

"Taichi," Yamato interrupted softly. His best friend was ranting, and he had every right to rant and rave and scream, if he had to -- but it was obvious that he hadn't quite thought this thing through. "Why would Ken have waited four whole years? Come on. If he's been evil all this time, wouldn't he have tried something before this? Like last year, before we got the Chosen Cadet network up and running?"

He wanted to say more. He knew even though the brunet had forgiven Ken, been a fucking saint about everything he'd done, that the two of them had never spent much time together. If they had -- if their interests had matched up better, or if he'd maybe gotten a certain lecture in a certain year of high school on certain grades and then been foisted on Ken because his dad (or mom) hadn't wanted to pay for a proper tutor -- none of which would've been his fault, of course -- maybe then, Taichi would have gotten to know him better. Maybe Taichi would've ended up playing videogames with him to pass the time until the next train was scheduled to arrive, and maybe Taichi would've branched that out into seeing movies occasionally and just hanging out sometimes.

Maybe Taichi would've decided, like Yamato had, that the younger boy was good company, that he was fun to be around even with the hang-ups and the total lack of self-confidence -- which were really sort of cute anyway. Maybe Taichi would've decided that, really, everyone deserved more than one friend. And maybe then, he would have realized that Ken was like a puppy dog with a bent tail -- and that he and the Digimon Kaizer were fundamentally, utterly, and completely different people. Maybe then, he would have known exactly how implausible the suggestion that the Digimon Kaizer had somehow faked being Ken was.

With the current situation, however, Taichi merely offered a small shrug and said, "He was biding his time. But you know what?" And when he turned to look at Yamato with the eye that wasn't swollen up, his face was perfectly, horribly expressionless. "I don't really care why he's doing this, whether it's because he's been evil the whole time or the Dark Seed went dormant or just because he fucking snapped under the pressure of entrance exams. As far as I'm concerned, Yama, the main point is that he's dangerous and that trying to bring him back to the good side of the Force didn't work last time. That doesn't leave us with a whole lot of options."

He hadn't quite said it, but the meaning was clear, and Yamato swallowed hard. Damn it, no. Sure, he'd wished only a minute ago that he had already killed the Digimon Kaizer, but that would've been his choice, his burden to bear, and he didn't want any of his other friends involved. He didn't want any of their hands bloodied.

So Yamato said, "You don't mean that." So he said, "He's one of us."

Even to his own ears, it sounded like a weak argument, and the brunet gave him a crooked smile for the effort. "Yama. Do you have any idea what he's done to me?"

All of the lacerations. The bruises on his naked hip bones, bruises that were shaped like fingertips. Mostly-dried blood everywhere. Yamato stared at him and thought that yeah, he did have some idea. "Tell me," he said quietly.

"You really don't want all the gory details," Taichi told him with a raspy, dismissive laugh.

Which was true -- so very, very true -- but he reached up and took one of the other boy's hands in his own, squeezing it gently. "Maybe, but tell me anyway. Please, Taichi. I need to hear it."

"Why?" His best friend looked suspicious now, not to mention confused and more than a little bit alarmed. If he had been Taichi, hearing his grave tone of voice, he probably would have felt exactly the same way.

What he had to say next wasn't going to help that, either, so Yamato took a deep breath and spit it out. "Because otherwise I won't be able to do it," he said. "And...and it needs to be done."

Their eyes met, and Taichi's one brown one was questioning. Then he blinked and smiled grimly and seemed to understand. Anything to make the kill easier when the time came, right? Taichi opened his mouth and began to speak.

As he spoke, he explained all of the things the Digimon Kaizer had done to him. He related their mostly one-sided conversations in as much detail as he could remember. Minutes passed, more than twenty, and he was still talking, his inflection dull and almost dead even when he was describing things that made Yamato's skin literally crawl. After a while, the words began to blend together, one horror melting into the next, and it became a sort of thick silt-colored haze. Yamato stared into his best friend's face fixedly and knew that his eyes had long-since glazed over. He wasn't processing anymore. He was starting to repress, and none of this had even happened to him. Only the sharper details stuck out afterwards. The things that he would have given just about anything to pass on to Daisuke and the others, and the things he would have given anything at all not to know himself.

Shortly after they'd arrived at the Digimon Kaizer's prison, their digivices had been confiscated and broken apart -- put into a vice-like machine and crushed until only a handful of dust remained. Both their digimon had been put to work as guards on the perimeter, and the Black Matter collars seemed to have no difficulty controlling their higher evolutions, though Taichi had never seen it in action and was reluctant to say for sure. In their current situation, they needed all of the potential weaknesses they could get.

The reason for their separation, as far as Taichi had been told, was that he'd been caught almost immediately and Yamato had made a run for it, managing to get himself briefly lost in the snowstorm rising up around them all and the confusion of the brief battle between Omegamon and Gokumon. He had also managed to get himself early-stage frostbite and pneumonia, but never mind that part. Taichi, on the other hand, had arrived in perfect health and made a much more immediate target. He had spent the five days since then being tortured more or less constantly.

When the brunet had finished, Yamato could only gaze at him miserably and lace their fingers together in a gesture that felt distinctly useless. "Taichi," he started to say, then trailed off weakly. What was there to say? What could he have possibly said? To a prisoner of war? To an arachnophobic who had been tied down, coated in insect blood, and left for the spiders to feast upon? There was nothing. Yamato tried to swallow and nearly choked. "I'll get you out of here. I promise."

Skeptical curiosity on his best friend's face. "Yeah, right. What can you do, Yamato?"

Again, he should have explained it. He really did want to. After the story Taichi had shared with him, he no longer even felt particularly embarrassed over the way the Digimon Kaizer had been treating him. If anything, he felt privileged. Lucky to have escaped a far worse fate. But at that moment, right before he could come clean, the cell door opened and Ken crossed the room to seize his wrist.

"That's enough now, mon petit loup. We should be going."

He thought, What, what? but then he was distracted by Taichi's sudden tension. Funny, how the other boy didn't seem afraid of their captor. Cautious and wary but not afraid. After everything he'd been through, he still didn't fear the Digimon Kaizer. Yamato wondered whether his best friend would have been proud of him in the hallway.

"Go?" Taichi demanded. "Go where? Where are you taking him, Ken?"

The Digimon Kaizer said nothing, but after a moment, he turned and struck Taichi with the back of his fist. "Slaves do not speak," he hissed, and Yamato sucked in a sharp breath as the grip on his wrist tightened painfully.

Then he realized that the brunet meant to reply even then, and stepped between the two of them hastily. It was hard to smile with the hand on his wrist now cutting off circulation. "Yes, you're right of course. Let's be going, Digimon Kaizer-sama."

Something about what he had said seemed to stun his best friend into silence, and Yamato was extremely glad of it. For once in his life, why couldn't the other boy just be quiet? He was acting like he didn't care whether Ken killed him, just so long as he got the last word. And, knowing Taichi, maybe he didn't -- but Yamato did. He loved the other boy like a goddamned brother, even when they were pissed at each other, and he was going to get him out of here alive despite himself. Both of them, if he got really lucky, but at the moment he was only figuring on Taichi and some of the captured Cadets.

After all, he was going to try to kill the Digimon Kaizer. With all of the younger boy's guards and defenses, Yamato seriously doubted that he would survive the attempt. But when he thought of what the Digimon Kaizer had done to his best friend...

Leaving that awful bloodstained room, he turned back to look over his shoulder and mouthed three simple words that might very well fuck them all over beyond repair.

It's a promise.

TRANSLATION NOTES


mon petit loup : my little wolf

To be continued...
- 10
- 11
- 12
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Pins and Needles