Only in Your Eyes Am I Worthy | By : Lucythebeast Category: +M to R > Neon Genesis Evangelion Views: 28767 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Evangelion: Only In Your Eyes Am I
Worthy
Chapter 11: Requiem for the Fallen
“Shinji-kun? I wanted to tell you that………………….” Misato
paused as she noticed Asuka sleeping next to the other pilot. “Um……….. that
your sync test with Unit 01 got moved up to today. You’ll be coming with Asuka-chan.” The major smirked at her double-meaning.
Shinji blinked sleepily. “I know. Father informed me of that
last night. But thank you, Misato-san.”
“……………………………. Do I want to know?” The purple-haired lady
asked with a knowing grin on her face. <Sexual tension between them… that
would explain things.>
“Nani?” The boy shifted and
realized a weight was on him. He looked down to see Asuka’s head lying on his
chest. And with her leg hooked over his the way it was, the pondering as to
whether or not the girl was wearing underwear was answered. “Uh……….. it’s not
what you think. We just slept.” <I think? I hope!>
“Mmmph… Shinji-chan…
mmmmmm.” The German girl muttered in her sleep. “I
didn’t realize you were that passionate. You are so good…”
The third child’s eyes widened in horror. <Oh god… did
we!?> He blushed and looked at Misato. “Um… do we have time for breakfast?”
The major chuckled and nodded. “I picked up some breakfast
pastry last night. Don’t take too long, we need to leave in about an hour.”
With that, she closed the door.
<Don’t take too long? She thinks we’re going to… again…
or… for the first time… or… oh my!> Shinji started to panic.
“You’re so easy to tease. You really should make it more
challenging for me or I might lose interest.” Asuka muttered, sitting up and
smirking at the boy.
After several blinks, he realized she had been awake and
purposely trying to make Misato think the two had been intimate. “You are
unbelievable. Now she’ll think we’re screwing all the time!”
“So? She’ll probably be envious.” Unit 02’s pilot stood up
and looked down at the boy. “Perverted as ever. But I’ll forgive you. This time.”
Shinji looked down. “No, that happens every morning! Really!
Asuka-kun! Damn it…” The boy sighed and got up and exited his room. He grabbed
a plate with a pastry on it and some milk and settled onto an armchair and
calmly chewed at it while planning his day. He looked up as Asuka came out of
the wash room and grabbed the other plate and settled on the couch. As they
ate, he noticed her legs kept shifting and drifting apart, only to close again
moments later. What made it so distracting, other than the expanse of her
shapely legs, was that he saw even further up the bottom of her nightshirt at
this angle. The sight reminded him a bit of when she had forced hersel him him,
but it also drew his attention no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. Asuka
seemed oblivious to the turmoil she was causing in the third child.
“I wonder why they want us to have simultaneous sync tests.”
The second child said as she toyed with the last of her pastry.
Shinji shrugged. “I suppose it doesn’t matter. We can’t do
anything about it.”
The German girl hissed in frustration and left to get
dressed, calling out over her shoulder, “You’re so obedient, just like your
doll. Can’t you ever question your orders without imploding?”
The third child stared at his empty plate deep in thought
until Misato came out and nudged him. “Are you going to get dressed or would
you rather go to NERV in your pajamas?” She asked. The young Ikari blinked,
coming out of his train of thought. Her words sunk in so he quickly apologized
and hurried to his room to dress. The major sighed and shook her head,
suppressing a grin. “Shinji-kun, you never change.”
************************
Rei opened her eyes as she felt a presence looming in the
room. Since the nurse had already checked on her a half hour before, and the
physical therapist had visited her early that morning, it was most likely the
young Ikari. “Shinji-kun?” She asked, turning to look at the arrival.
Gendo Ikari looked down at her, his face unreadable, even to
her. “Not exactly.”
Rei blinked a few times. <Why is the commander here? And
where is Shinji? Visiting hours started already. He… promised he would be
here.> “Ohayo gozaimasu, Ikari-shousei.”
“Do you know why I am here, Rei?” The commander asked, his
tone grave.
“………………………… Iie. Are you here to
see if I am well?” The blue-haired girl asked.
“I am here because you checked into the hospital and had
surgery without telling me. If my son had not called, I may not have even been
aware of it.” Gendo loomed over her with a slight scowl across his countenance.
Rei remained silent.
“Have you nothing to say?” The commander asked. Rei was one
of the few people who knew him well enough to hear the anger in his voice.
“No sir. I will not make excuses.” The first child replied.
“Give an explanation then.” Ikari ordered.
Rei glanced downwards. She felt uncomfortable sitting there
in only her hospital gown, but she wasn’t sure why. “Pilot Ikari noticed the
bandaging on my hand. He inspected it and found the wound and felt it necessary
forto sto see a doctor. He immediately brought me here.”
“You did not think to call me to inform me of this?” Gendo
inquired.
“….. I did not.” The girl with the crimson eyes replied.
The commander’s hand shot forward, backhanding the child
across her cheek so hard she fell out of the bed and crashed against her tray
stand which was knocked against the opposite wall. He reached down and yanked
her up by her gown where she hung limply, making no moves to defend herself in
any way. His other hand came around again, this time slapping her across the
face with his palm, then pushed her onto the bed sideways. He held her down
like that, though he knew she would not move. “Don’t ever forget to call me about
something like this again. Do I make myself clear?”
Rei felt fear clutching at her heart, though it was more
because of how she was being held down than Commander Ikari’s threat. Her robe
had slid up from the attacks so everything below her navel was exposed and
Gendo was standing between her splayed legs. She wasn’t sure why this made her
so uncomfortable, but it did nonetheless. “……………………………………………….. Hai. Of course, sir. Gomen nasai.” She stated in a monotone voice, nothing betraying
the fear she felt.
Though he would never admit it, even to himself, her robotic
reply bothered him. The lack of fear in her eyes. The total acceptance. She
should have been intimidated by how he was holding her, but she was not, as far
as he could tell. It made the action completely pointless. He looked purposely
at her sex and frowned. <Strange. She could still be a child, from the
appearance.> He backed away a step, satisfied that she still did not move.
“Rei… why are you… bare?”
Her crimson eyes blinked then looked downwards at where the
man’s gaze was directed. “My S2 organ.” Her simple explanation obviously wasn’t
enough, given his blank stare. “I have no uterus. No ovaries. Therefore, I do
not produce sufficient hormone levels to reach full puberty. Did you not know this
was a side effect of the Lilith DNA you placed in me?”
<I never even considered it.> “It was not a concern.”
<But it is now?> Rei stared up at him silently.
Gendo backed away a few more steps. “Is Dr. Akagi aware of
your hormonal levels?”
“She explained it to me last year, and also what to expect
in the future, commander.” The first child replied. <My back hurts.>
Ikari frowned and took a few steps towards the door then
turned to meet the clone’s gaze. “You may act freely, as long as it does not
interfere with your duties at NERV and to me. But never forget to inform me of
important matters again, or I will have you replaced.”
“Understood.” The girl replied, sitting up on her elbows
slowly and carefully, but otherwise not moving since the commander had not
given her permission to move yet. Gendo nodded and left without another word.
Rei could see that the man was slightly disturbed by what he had discovered,
though she was not sure why. <Shinji… where are you?>
**************************
“Sync test complete.” Lt. Ibuki announced. “Pilot Ikari… 91%
sync ratio. Pilot Soryu… 49%.”
Major Katsuragi sighed. “Extract
them. Well, Shinji-kun’s is excellent, as ever.
Asuka’s… at least there was an improvement since last time. The commander
instructed me to have Pilot Ikari taken to Akagi-dono for a routine physical.
Lt. Ibuki, since you’re going that way anyway?”
“Hai, Katsuragi-shousa.
It is no trouble at all!” Maya smiled. She left and walked to the men’s locker
room. She listened but didn’t hear a shower running so assumed the boy had just
taken a quick one to rinse off the LCL fluid. “Are you decent in there,
Shinji-kun?” She called into the room.
Shinji backed his head away from the water’s spray and
rubbed at his ears. <Did someone call me?> “Yes?” He called back.
Not realizing the boy had misheard her and only hearing the
yes, she entered. <Where is he?> She walked further into the room with a
pretty pout on her lips. She came to the shower area and glanced in, thinking
the boy had went in there to grab something he forgot, or something. Her eyes
widened when she saw the pilot still showering, in all his naked glory.
“Shinji-kun?” She gasped out in surprise. <He said he was decent… so
embarrassing>
The third child turned and stared at Maya in shock, frozen
like a deer caught in the headlights. <Am I dreaming again?> His member
stiffened at the thought, and he desperately hoped it was a dream or he’d be
eternally shamed. “Maya-chan?”
The lieutenant had been about to step back into the locker
area when the familiar tone came from the boy. <Chan? Is he… does he have a
crush on me? How cute! Oh my… he certainly seems happy to see me.>
She turned back and raised a questioning eyebrow.
Misinterpreting why she was still standing there, he smiled.
<Yes! I’m having a… what’s the term… lucid dream! Oh… this is going to be
great!> “You’re welcome to join me in the shower, Maya-chan.”
He gave her his best wolfish grin.
Maya’s mouth dropped open in shock. <He… oh my. He must
be ill! It couldn’t be a biological angel invasion, could it? Oh no… poor
Shinji-kun!> “I… I will wait out here, thank you.” Her cheeks burning in
embarrassment, she turned and sat down on one of the benches, worry creasing
her lovely features. <Good thing I’m taking him for a physical.>
Once again misunderstanding the older girl, Shinji grabbed
his towel and dried off quickly and strolled out with the towel draped over his
shoulders, not covering his nudity. The NERV officer had her back to him, so he
approached her from behind. “Maya-chan?” Unit 01’s
pilot asked in a, what he hoped, seductive tone.
Maya turned, expecting to see a fully dressed and apologetic
pilot, but instead found her face centimeters away from an erection. Her mouth
dropped open in shock again. <What the hell!?> It was a mistake. Taking
it as an invitation, he pressed his penis to her lips and half of it slid into
the girl’s mouth and choked her. She shoved him away roughly and jumped up and
back. “What do you think you’re doing, Pilot
Ikari!?”
<Oh shit! Wait… please, please…> “Um… I’m trying to
make love to you.” <Please let this be a dream. the the love of the heavens,
please let it be a dream! If it isn’t… no amount of groveling will ever be
enough to gain her forgiveness.>
“And what made you think I would want to make love with you,
young man!?” She demanded.
<I am so dead…> “I… am dreaming, aren’t I?”
<He thinks he’s dreaming!? Oh… that means he’s dreamed
about me before. I’m so flattered!> “No, Ikari. You are not dreaming. You
are very much awake. And very much naked. I would appreciate if you did not
attempt to molest me again. Are we clear?” Maya asked.
With a deep full body blush, the boy covered himself and
squeaked out an apology and dressed in record time, apologizing with every
breath. “Gomen! Gomen nasai! Domo sumimasen! [The last
phrase is a more formal apology]”
“Forget it, Shinji-kun. We’ll just write it off as stress
and stupidity, ne?” She grinned, taking the edge off
the insult.
Shinji slumped down onto the bench, fully dressed and still
blushing. “I am ashamed. I honestly thought I was dreaming.”
Maya raised an eyebrow. “Have you fantasized about me
before, Shinji-kun?”
His blush deepened, giving her the answer. He changed the
subject rather than voicing his shameful secret. “Were you looking for me, Ikuki-chuui?”
The lieutenant chuckled softly. <I could tease him about
this, but it’s so cute. I can certainly laugh about this.> “Hai. You are to accompany me to see Akagi-dono, who will
administer you a physical.”
The third child frowned. “A physical? I just had one… a
month ago.”
:Lt. Ibuki shrugged. “Orders from your father.”
“Otou-san?” Shinji blinked in
surprise and silently followed the older girl. As he followed her, his eyes
narrowed in thought. <Is she swaying her hips more than usual, or am eeineeing things? Damn it Shinji, quit thinking like that! You’ve already shamed
yourself with her! She’s probably going to report me. I deserve it. I’m so
fucked up.>
“Ikari-kun? My eyes are up here.” Maya stated in a teasing
tone.
The pilot blinked and realized that since his eyes were
slightly downcast (from both shame and watching the swaying of her hips, like
he was hypnotized) and the girl had turned around to face him he was now
staring at her breasts. “Gomen, Ibuki-chuui! I
wasn’t, I swear!”
She chuckled. <Poor kid, he’s got it bad for me.>
“We’re here. After you.”
Shinji hurried into the infirmary, finding Dr. Akagi leaning
over her desk and studying some papers intently. He noticed that her expression
looked darker than usual, and he wasn’t sure, but it looked like her eyes were
reddened and a little puffy from crying. <I wonder what happened?>
“Ohayo, Akagi-dono.”
Ritsuko looked up and noticed the young Ikari as well as
Maya, who was smiling at her. “Something I can help you with, Pilot Ikari?”
The pilot blinked in confusion and looked at Lt. Ibuki for
help. “The commander wanted him to have a complete physical checkup, sempai.”
The blonde doctor scowled at the mention of Gendo. “Well,
what the commander wants the commander gets, ne?” She
motioned for the boy to get on an exam table. “Have you experienced any changes
in your health since your last checkup?”
“No, doctor.” Shinji replied.
Dr. Akagi caught a furtive glance towards the lieutenant. She
turned to her assistant. “Do you want to try taking a blood sample?”
Maya blinked. “You… want me to take blood, sempai?”
“You are my
assistant, are you not? I think it’s time you learn things beyond the MAGI
system. Do you disagree?” Ritsuko raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
“No, of course not. Right away, sempai.” Several pricks
later, the pretty young lieutenant had finally gotten it right and had a blood
sample taken. She wiped the excess blood away and put a Band-Aid over the
wound. She smiled at the pilot as she finished up. “There, that wasn’t too bad,
now was it?”
“Iie…” Shinji stared at his feet.
<Why isn’t she angry at me about earlier? Is she really that forgiving?>
<Poor kid. He’s so dreadfully shy and his crush for me is
driving him crazy. I wish there was something I could do for him, that didn’t
involve doing something with him.>
The lieutenant turned to look at the doctor who was approaching with a
stethoscope.
Ritsuko sat down on a stool and listened to the third
child’s chest. “Heartrate… a little accelerated. Are
you ok, Ikari-kun?”
“Hai… of course, doctor. Really,
I’m ok. Nothing wrong.” He blushed and avoided Maya’s gaze.
The blonde woman looked up at her assistant then back at the
pilot, noticing the looks again. “Is there something I should be aware of
between you two?”
“I swear I thought I was dreaming! I never meant to do it!
I’ll grovel at her feet for forgiveness for the rest of my life! I’m so
wretched and undeserving!” Shinji cried out all at once.
At the doctor’s questioning look, Maya explained. “Um… he
sort of thought he was having a dream when I came to get him for the physical.
He… misinterpreted my reason for being there.” <Is that… a flash of jealousy
in her eyes?> “It was just a misunderstanding. There’s no reason for him to
be so embarrassed. It was an honest mistake. Frankly, I was flattered that he
fantasizes about me. A crush is so cute!”
Shinji’s eyes doubled in size and his cheeks did their best
cherry impersonations. He stared at his feet, not daring to add to what Maya
was saying. <I just had a naughty dream or two about her. I’m 15, what does
she expect?>
“I see.” The doctor responded in a cold tone, fixing a glare
on the boy. The rest of the physical was spent mostly in silence, except for
the blonde woman instructing the lieutenant in several of the procedures she
needed to learn how to do. Later, the doctor was looking at the blood sample.
“You may go, Ikari-kun. If we need to see you for a follow-up, we’ll let you
know.”
Lt. Ibuki smiled and walked with the boy to the elevator.
“See you at your next sync test.” She announced brightly.
“Or angel attack.” Shinji added.
“Try to think positively. Well, matta
ne.” She knew she shouldn’t have, but it was an
impulse and one that made her giggle with devilish glee afterwards, but she
leaned forward and gave the boy a tight embrace. She bit her tongue to keep
from bursting into laughter when she felt him stiffen.
Shinji stared at her for several moments then coughed. “Uh… matta ne, Ibuki-chuui.” <So
soft and warm… oh man. I hate myself sometimes.>
“Maya is fine, Shinji-kun.” She said, grinning despite his
discomfort.
“Oh… uh…” He blushed furiously and hurried off, apologizing
again.
The lovely young officer snickered and returned to her
duties, cataloguing the boys expression in her All Time Best 10 Most Adorable
Moments.
Ritsuko frowned as she looked over the results of the blood
test and decided to look at his blood under a microscope. She lifted her head
back up and tapped the counter thoughtfully. “That’s rather odd.”
“Sempai?” Lt. Ibuki asked, looking up from her monitor.
The doctor wiped the lenses of the microscope down again,
even though she had just cleaned them, then looked again. “Come, take a look at
this.”
The girl frowned and approached, leaning over to look into the
microscope. “Chigau! Did I mess up? I’m sorry! It’s
contatedated, ne?”
Dr. Akagi shook her head. “You drew the blood correctly. The
sample is not contaminated.”
Maya blinked and looked at the blood sample again. “What
does it mean?”
“I’d say when Ikari-kun regained his physical form after
losing his ego image in Unit 01, he came back slightly different. Perhaps he
began a series of changes. They were not noticeable when I examined him after
the incident. Or perhaps some other factors are causing mutations. I will
investigate.” The doctor stated thoughtfully. “Perhaps I should examine Rei
again as well. This may be a result of the 16th angel’s
infestation.”
The lieutenant frowned and struggled to make a decision,
before cautiously stating, “I believe he was acting strangely earlier.”
Ritsuko’s eyebrows rose up
inquisitively. “How so?”
The dark haired girl chewed her lip and sat down on a nearby
bench. “I promised him I wouldn’t tell anyone, because he was under the impression
that he was dreaming. And you know, it’s so cute that he has a crush on me!
But… I promised not to say…”
Rather than demanding to know, the older woman simply sat
down in front of her and waited. She knew the girl would tell her.
“….. Well, first he invited me into the shower with him.”
Maya explained, blushing from embarrassment.
“Ikari-kun?! That seems rather… unlike him.” The doctor
resisted the urge to impatiently demand to know what happened.
“Hai… when I refused, I sat down
to wait for him to come out. I thought perhaps he was joking, or wasn’t feeling
well. He approached me and when I turned to speak to him… I guess he
misunderstood, and thought I wanted to give him oral sex…” She wet her lips,
though whether from the memory or because nervousness was drying them, the
other woman couldn’t tell.
“He asked you for fellacio?” The
blonde asked in disbelief.
“……… Not exactly.” The lieutenant replied, wincing in
sympathy for the poor boy and his hopeless crush on her. She could see the
impatience on the older woman’s face so she decided she had best say it and be
done with it. “Well… you have to understand, I turned and I was so shocked at
having a penis in my face that my mouth dropped open in shock……… and………….
well………….” Ritsuko blinked a few times but didn’t interrupt so Maya finally had
to say it. “He inserted his penis into my mouth.”
Dr. Akagi was shocked, though whether more towards the
younger girl or the pilot, she couldn’t be sure. “You sucked him off?!” She
bluntly exclaimed.
“Nani? No! I pushed him away and
demanded to know what was wrong with him. He was mortified and said he thought
he was dreaming. For some reason, he thought he was having a sexual fantasy
about me.” The dark haired girl quickly explained.
The doctor sighed and rubbed her temples, trying to sort out
her conflicting emotions. “I should look at his neurotransmitter levels then.
It’s possible that he was having an episode of somnambulism.” Maya gave her a
blank stare. “Sleep walking.”
“Oh! Actually… you might be right. How strange!” The younger
girl exclaimed, raising a hand to her mouth in surprise.
“I’ll have Ikari come in for a more thorough examination. I
may as well have Ayanami in as well. I haven’t had a chance to examine her
fully since the incidenth thh the 16th angel. She’s been in the
hospital or recovering at home the whole time.” Ritsuko scowled at the thought
of the blue-haired girl, but she knew that it was just transferred anger and
frustration concerning Gendo so she tried to suppress any ill feelings towards
the girl. It was very hard. “I was going to meet up with Misa-chan
for dinner tonight anyway, I may as well inform her of needing to see Ikari
again. Ayanami… I’ll have to see if she has been released yet.”
“Oh… Katsuragi-shousa?” Maya
looked down at the floor to the left, not doing a very good job at hiding her
disappointment.
“Hai………………… do you want to come
with me?” The doctor asked, catching the change in attitude.
Maya’s face instantly brightened. “Hai
semsei! Arigato gozaimasu!
[Thank you for what you are doing]” She paused and looked crestfallen again.
“Oh, I’ll just be in the way. I don’t want to get between your…………. friendship
with the major.”
Dr. Akagi frowned. “Nonsense. You’ll join me as my date. Misa-chan won’t mind a bit. She’d likely love to have
someone else to talk to.”
Maya couldn’t stop blushing at the blonde’s reference to her
being a date. “Arigato. You are too kind.”
“We have some work to finish up. We’ll leave a little early
today so we can get changed.” Ritsuko decided aloud.
“Hai.” The lieutenant agreed,
unable to keep herself from glowing for the rest of the day.
*************************
“So how are you feeling today, Asuka?” Dr. Kagame asked,
smiling in greeting at the pilot as she sat down in the chair facing his desk.
She shifted around until she was comfortable before
answering. “Es geht mir
gut, Herr Doktor. Und Sie?”
“I’m well, thank you. Would you mind trying to remain only
in Japanese, please?” The doctor asked.
The red-haired girl shrugged. “But of course.”
There was silence for a minute as the therapist waited to
see if the girl would begin talking on her own, but she stared at him
expectantly so it was up to him to begin the session. “Are you adjusting well
to the medication?”
“It makes me horny.” The girl deadpanned.
“Pardon me?” He asked, peering up at her over his
spectacles.
“It makes me horny.” Asuka repeated a little more slowly
this time.
The psychiatrist blinked several times then realized what
was going on. “Oh, I see. No, technically you were already feeling… er… desirous, but you were too depressed to notice. The
medication is balancing your neurotransmitter levels so you’re beginning to
notice things like that again. Does it bother you?”
The German girl shrugged and leaned back in the chair and rested
her feet up on his desk, despite the scowl sent her way for the action. “It’s a
little distracting. But nothing I can’t handle. The dizziness has passed. I’m
getting hungry a lot more often now, though. Is that because I didn’t notice it
when I was depressed, as well?”
“Hai. Though technically you are
still depressed. It’s sort of a matter of the chicken the the egg. Events in
your life brought the depression and that caused the chemical imbalance that
deepened and worsened the depression. Though the chemical levels are beginning
to return to normal, and they won’t be completely normal for quite a while, the
causes of your depression are still there. That is why you come here for
therapy, to address those issues.” Dr. Kagame explained.
The second child looked over at the window and twirled a
lock of hair around one finger, obviously bored. “I slept with Shinji last
night.” She stated out of the blue.
The doctor frowned. <She’s toying with me.> “How do
you feel about that? Your first sexual experience, since you said you were a
virgin?”
Unit 02’s pilot looked at the therapist and narrowed her
eyes, offended by his comment. “I did not lie. I am a virgin. We did not have
sex, we merely slept in the same bed. And to answer your question… it was
restful. I don’t think I’ve slept that soundly in years. It was………. comforting.
But it wasn’t sexual.”
“I see.” He looked at his notes for a moment then back up at
the pilot. “Tell me more about your relationship with Pilot Ikari. Do you feel
romantically or sexually interested in him?”
“Our relationship is… complicated. In many ways he is like a
brother. But, he is attractive, when he’s not being meek and apologetic. I’ve
never admitted this aloud, but I desire him when he pilots the Eva and I see
his passion. He always seems to have a much stronger will when he’s piloting.
Outside, he apologizes constantly, he stares at the floor, he never questions
orders. It’s like he’s two different people. The brave and noble pilot, and the
meek and scared child. He both allures and disgusts me. Does that answer your
question, Herr Doktor?” Asuka raised an eyebrow
inquisitively.
The doctor nodded. “Somewhat. So you find yourself
frustrated when he becomes meek on the outside, in the real world? Is this why
you are always teasing and mocking him, and becoming aggressive with him?
“Ja. I’m trying to make him show
some backbone. He has it in him, I’ve seen
it. But no matter what I do, he just apologizes and scurries about like a puppy
that has been kicked one too many times. I don’t know what to do with him
anymore. I want him to…” She trailed off. She wasn’t ready for that admission
yet.
“You understand that it was the way he was raised?” Dr.
Kagame asked.
The German girl blinked. “Nani?”
“In our culture, we Japanese offer apologies and sympathies
very often. It is more a courtesy than anything else, often enough. Pilot Ikari
is young, and thus not in a position to be anything but subservient to the
majority of the city. He is polite and well-mannered. You take his actions as a
weakness because in your culture, apology is an admission of weakness, of
guilt. In our culture, it is not. It is a sign of strength of character. You
have to understand that difference to understand why he acts that way.” The
therapist explained.
The second child snorted and brought her feet back down to
the ground. “That may be, but I have told him that he does not have to act that
way around me. He knows that, yet still he says excuse me and sorry every other
word. He never opens up to me. It frustrates me. I feel like slapping him when
he does that.”
“Ikari-kun reminds me of a samurai, of ancient Japan.” The
therapist observed, surprising the girl.
“A samurai!? They were warriors. Shinji is a meek, whiny
child!” The pilot protested.
A momentary grin splayed across the psychiatrist’s lips. He
had seen the sudden interest in her eyes, then the immediate defense mechanism
of equating the boy to a child. He was beginning to read her more easily now.
Given how expressive she was, unlike many of his Japanese patients, this made
it rather easy. “Pilot Ikari al'>is a
warrior. He battles the angels, risking his life and being one of the only
hopes for the entire human race. That is an awesome responsibility for anyone,
and especially to a 14 year old child.”
“He turned 15 a while ago.” Asuka corrected him.
“Even still. My point is, on the battlefield, samurai were
intense warriors. Fierce, determined, and always ready to accept their death if
it came. But off the battlefield, they were cultured, refined, polite. They
wrote poetry, they took part in matters of the court, and they were completely
subservient to their lords and cowed before any noble without feeling shamed
for doing so. They had to balance both aspects of their lives in order to live
in harmony.” The man explained. “Ikari is like that as well. This is why he
does not show you his ferocity, because you are not an enemy. If you keep
pushing him you may become his enemy
and I think you do not wish this to happen.”
The pilot frowned in thought. “So what are you saying?”
“Accept him for who he is, because he is not weak as you
think. He is showing remarkable strength of character to keep the traits on and
ohe bhe battlefield separate.” The doctor elaborated.
She frowned and shrugged. “I guess I can try. I don’t know
if I buy that story though.” She stared at her fingers, lost in thought.
“A change of subject, would you like to talk about your
relationship with Katsuragi-shousa?” Dr. Kagame
asked.
“Did we not already cover this? She is like a big sister.
Not a mother. We talked about this last time.” The pilot rolled her eyes.
“But I was thinking perhaps you would say more. Do you try
to please her?” He asked.
“Not at home, no. But when we are at NERV, yes. She is my
commanding officer. I try to do a good job. Lives depend on me doing a good
job.” Asuka stated confidently.
“Do you feel attracted to her?” The doctor asked.
Asuka blinked several times. “Sexually?”
“If that is hou cou choose to interpret it, yes.” He
replied.
Asuka bit her lip thoughtfully. “Why would you ask me that?
Do you think I am a closet lesbian or something?”
He scribbled down some notes and looked back up, noticing
she was sitting up higher in her seat and trying to not be obvious about trying
to see what he wrote. From what he knew about her, she didn’t read kanji all
twellwell so she wasn’t likely to understand half of it anyway. “What I think
does not matter. Your avoidance at answering the question gives me pause,
however.”
“I don’t think of her that way. She is like a sister, as I
already told you. I am not a lesbian. I already told you I was sexually
attracted to Kaji and Shinji.” Irritation seemed to
nearly ignite sparks from her eyes.
“I did not say anng ang about believing you to be a lesbian.
You are the one jumping to that conclusion. Whether or not you are, you should
understand that at your age most girls and even many boys have not explored
their own sexuality enough to make a proper judgment on sexual preference.
Thus, when aroused you are likely to consider any option as viable, whether you
are attracted to someone or not. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.” Dr.
Kagame explained. “Now, when I asked you if you were attracted to her, you
could have just as easily said you felt comfortable with her, or that you
became instant friends, or that you never saw eye to eye. Instead, you took it
as a question of sexual interest.”
“I told you the medication was making me horny.” The second
child said as a way to defend herself.
“You are missing the point. I am not saying you are sexually
attracted to Katsuragi-shousa. I am saying you are
still in an undefined area in your sexuality and you should try not to feel
uncomfortable with that. It is normal.” The doctor tried to not become
frustrated, but he was beginning to worry that the culture differences and the
slight language barrier of speaking in the girl’s second language would present
more misunderstandings in the future. There wasn’t much that could be done
about it, however.
Asuka stared at him silently then shrugged it off. “Change
of subject, please. This one is tiresome.”
“Hai… would you care to discuss
your relationship with Ayanami-kun?” The man asked.
“What about Wonder Girl?” The German girl inquired,
stiffening slightly.
“You feel resentful of her. Why?” He inquired.
The pilot looked over at the wi for for several moments then
back at the doctor. “Several reasons. She is cold, emotionless, follows orders
without thought or question, sucks up to the commander, and acts superior to everyone
else, especially me.”
“So she is quiet, thoughtful, obedient, respectful to
authority, and passive.” Dr. Kagame said as way of interpretation.
“That is not what I said, Herr Doktor.”
The second child growled.
“Hai, I know. But it was another
way of interpreting what you did say. You dislike her because she did not warm
up to you. She did not attempt to become your friend. She is a very introverted
and introspective girl. She is the type that picks her friends very carefully
and remains loyal through adversity and peace. She is very dissimilar to you,
and perhaps that is why you only see the negative traits in her.” The
psychiatrist explained.
“So you are a member of the Wonder Girl fan club as well, I
see.” The pilot observshifshifting in the chair to get comfortable again.
The doctor made a few notes then inquired, “Who else would
you say is a member of this fan club.”
“Commander Ikari, of course. He kisses her perfect little
ass all the time, when she’s not kissing his. Shinji worships the ground she
walks on, as well.” Asuka replied.
“Two interesting observations about what you just said…” The
doctor began.
“Of course. Here comes the spin.” The pilot interrupted.
“Indeed. First, you described her posterior as being
perfect. In essence, describing her as being perfect. You perhaps feel inferior
to her in some ways, and this bothers you. This brings out the defensive
reactions of being antagonistic with her.” Dr. Kagame explained.
“Or, I just think she has a nice ass.” The red-haired girl
retorted.
“……….. Of course. Secondly, you mentioned Pilot Ikari’s
feelings of her as being in awe. I would say that it is likely your feelings
for Ikari, whatever they may be, make you feel jealous of his attention towards
Ayanami. After all, when he is looking at her, he is not looking at you, as you
feel he should be.” The doctor continued.
“Or… or…………… he’s just a bastard that would rather fuck that
little doll instead of me.” The second child could think of no other retorts
than that.
“Interesting….” The therapist jotted down a note. “You
claimed that the feelings between Ikari-kun and yourself were not sexual. And
yet, you just now expressed the desire that he would wish to have sexual
relations with yourself rather than Ayanami-kun.”
“It’s not like that.” The red-haired girl protested.
Lacing his fingers together, unknowingly imitating Ikari
Gendo, he leaned forward. “Explain it to me then.”
Asuka sighed in frustration and shifted in her chair again.
“You really should get more comfortable chairs.” She paused and waited to see
if he’d fall for the change of subject, but he remained silent. “Fine. I don’t
know how else to relate to him, ok? We fight, we compete, and every great once
in a while, we talk as friends. But with Ayanami, he never fights with her.
They never feel the need to compete, content to work as a team. And they are so
comfortable with each other, they don’t even need to talk. So what do I have?
Nothing. The only way I can think of to relate to him is affection and sex. But
offering him some pussy to get him to notice me as something other than the
‘Red-Haired Deof Dof Death’ does not mean that I am actually interested in
having him as a lover. It’s just…………… it’s all I have.” She slouched down in
her chair, grumbling under her breath.
“So it is an extension of your loneliness.” The therapist
observed. He waited for confirmation or rejection, but none was given. “Then I
challenge you with something.” This caught her attention and her eyes narrowed
suspiciously. “The next time you feel the need to use violence or sex to gain
his attention, instead give him a gentle hug and say you care about him. Tell
him that his friendship is important to you. Don’t kiss him, don’t grab him in
a sexual manner or encourage him to do the same. Just give him an affectionate
hug and kind words. Do you accept this challenge?”
“I can’t do that.” The girl stated, shaking her head with a
frown.
He was learning how to push her buttons, however. It was
frightfully easy how quickly a psychiatrist could learn to manipulate people.
“Ah, I see. You are afraid. Su sim simple thing to be scared of. Fine then.”
“I am not afraid!” The Unit 02’s pilot declared, sitting up
and leaning forward to slam her palms down on the desk before her. She narrowed
her eyes when she saw his skeptical expression. “Fine, I accept your little
challenge. It is a simple matter for me. But if he misinterprets and starts
humping my leg like the hentai no baka that he is, I
will blame you.”
Dr. Kagame nodded. “Agreed, then. Now, we still have a
little time so I wish to talk about one last person. Your mother.”
“My aunt? She was decent enough. Nothing really I can say
about her. She provided a place for me to live while I went to university and
underwent pilot training. I did not have much of a relationship with her.”
Asuka stated with an indifferent shrug.
“Ihre Mutter. Nicht
Ihre Tante. [Your mother.
Not your aunt.]” Dr. Kagame said firmly. He knew she did not misunderstand him,
but he had to play her game this time.
“My aunt was my
mother those last few years. I did not misunderstand you, Herr Doktor. Your pronunciation is atrocious, by the way.” The
red-haired girl looked up at the clock and frowned, seeing they still had a
little time left.
“I asked about your mother, though. The woman who gave you
life. Soryu Kyoko Zeppelin.” The man pressed. He could see the turmoil in her
eyes and in her mannerisms, but this was an important step. It would likely set
them back for a few sessions, but it was worth it in the long run.
“I do not wish to speak of her.” The second child insisted.
“We will speak of her, regardless. Or I will revoke your
pilot status. Tell me something about her.” Dr. Kagame requested.
Asuka shifted in her seat again and fidgeted, clearly
agitated. Her breathing rate had increased as well. “She died. There, you
happy? I would like to leave now.”
“Permission denied. How did she die?” He knew how she died,
but he had to get her to say it. To speak of it and get it out he bhe bottle
she had wedged it into.
“So, were you ever married? Were you divorced, are you a
widow? Do you have children?” The second child had twisted a lock of hair
painfully tight around her finger in her attempt to appear nonchalant and she
was beginning to shake involuntarily. She coughed nervously and shifted in her
chair again.
“How did your mother die, Asuka-san. Tell me about it. How
did it make you feel? What did you do when she died?” The psychiatrist was on
dangerous ground and he knew it. But he felt he had to press her until she
spoke on it.
Asuka stood up and threw her chair across the room where it
slammed into the wall and knocked one of the degrees off the wall as well as a
painting. “Damn chair! Can’t you get something decent to sit in!?”
“Calm down, and tell me what happened to your mother,
Asuka-san.” The therapist spoke in a gentle tone.
The pilot slammed her hands on the desk and leaned forward
to intimidate. “I. “I said I will not speak of her. Are you deaf!?”
Dr. Kagame stood as well and placed his hands over hers to
hold her in place. “Tell me about your mother, Asuka. Say it.”
The girl thrashed about and tried to yank her hands from
under his, but his grasp was like steel. She growled and considered head
butting him, but he was careful to keep his head far enough away from hers to
make the move futile. “Let me go, damn it!”
“Not until you tell me about your mother.” He stated in a
calm tone.
“Fick dich,
arschloch! Leck mich am Arsch! Mach es dir selber! [A bunch of
curses… heh. If you must have a translation… Fuck
you, asshole! Lick my ass! Go fuck yourself!]” She cried, obscenities flying
out as fast as she could think of them and tears were beginning to spill from
her eyes.
“Such language. Now, calm yourself and tell me about your
mother and I will let you go.” Dr. Kagame still spoke in a gentle tone.
She struggled for several moments longer, but she was
trapped. Finally, she shouted the words he wanted to hear as loudly as she
could, in a hysterically shrill voice. “Fine! My fucking mother was crazy! She
kept talking to this little stupid doll, thinking it was me! The day I found
out I was chosen as an Eva pilot, I ran home to tell my mother and she had hung
herself, as well as the doll she had thought was me! Is that what you wanted to
hear, you piece of shit!? Is that what you fucking wanted to hear?! She killed
herself and if she hadn’t have been as fucked up as she was, she would have
killed me too! Now are you happy?! Let me go!” She was distraught and shaking,
her fight or flight responses were screaming at her to no avail.
“Thank you. Yes, that was what I wanted to hear. Now, I want
you to calm down. I will not let you leave until you are calm. I am afraid you
will hurt yourself or have an accident if you leave as distressed as you are
now. So I want you to take some deep breaths. Let yourself cry. Do whatever you
have to do to compose yourself.” The doctor spoke in a soothing tone in an
attempt to calm her down.
“Just let me go.” Asuka pleaded in a weak and defeated tone.
“Of course. But you are not leaving until you are calm. I
don’t want you accidentally stepping in front of the subway train or
something.” The therapist released his hold on her hands, and as he expected,
she crumbled to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest and sobbed. He
moved around the desk and knelt down next to her and put his arms around her
shoulders and patted her back, whispering soothing words. He already knew that
she would be antagonistic for at least one or two sessions, if not longer. But,
it was all in the name of progress.
“I’m not weak.” The second child whispered, her voice
breaking from the sobbing.
“I know… I know. You’re strong. You’ve survived a great
deal. You’re strong. I’m proud of you.” He was glad he didn’t have any patients
until later that day, because Asuka didn’t move for nearly two hours. When she
finally left, she did so wordlessly. She looked haunted, but calm. It was as
good as she was going to get for a while.
*************************
Rei perked up as someone started to enter her room but she
slumped back down when she saw it was the on call nurse again. He smiled at her
and checked her IV bag. “Feeling ok, Ayanami-san?” He asked.
“Hai.” She had tried to ignore him
earlier when he asked her, but since he wasn’t familiar with her mannerisms, he
thought something was wrong and ran to get a doctor. So, to avoid any more
embarrassment, she made sure she replied even though she was attempting to will
the man to leave her alone. Every time he entered the room, he grated her
nerves. <Where are you, Shinji? It’s approaching mid-afternoon already. You
promised you would be here. Have you forgotten about me already?> She was
still unsure of what to think about Commander Ikari’s strange behavior that
morning, but she was trying not to contemplate it too deeply. She hated having
to think about things she couldn’t do anything about.
“Any pain? You haven’t pressed the button to release extra
medication even once. It won’t do you any good to be in pain, young lady.” The nurse
stated, frowning down at her in what he considered a charming manner. And
likely on any other patient it would have been, but he was talking to Ayanami
Rei now. And she was agitated by him.
“I am well. I do not require any further medication.” She stated
in a flat tone. <LEAVE!>
“All right then. If you start feeling some pain, don’t
hesitate to hit that button. It won’t overmedicate you. Remember, you can hit
it every ten minutes if you need to.” He smiled at her as he checked her blood
pressure.
She stared at him silently. <I know. I’m not a baka.
LEAVE ME ALONE!>
“Your pressure is still a little low.” The nurse stated.
“That is normal for me.” <As I told you the last four
times you took it and told me it was low.> The first child wondered briefly
if this was some test on her patience.
“So you say… so you say. Your pulse is elevated as well.” He
reported.
“That is normal for me.” She repeated in the same tone as
before. <Are you brainless?! I’ve said several times now that my pulse is
always elevated. Yours would be too if you had a Super Solenoid organ pumping
liquid energy into your bloodstream as well as generating an AT field.>
“Anything you need? Help to the bathroom? Help washing? A
snack perhaps? I know that liquid diet isn’t the most filling.” He smiled at
her, turning his charm up to its maximum level.
Still, she remained unaffected. “I require nothing at this
time.” She stated emotionlessly.
“All right then. Call me if you need anything.” He flashed
her his pearly whites again and left.
Rei gritted her teeth together to keep from snapping when
the man reentered the room. She looked up, her eyes intense despite how hard
she tried to remain expressionless, and saw Shinji standing there, looking
horrified by the look on her face. “Konnichiwa Rei-kun… gomen
nasai. I got here as quickly as I could.”
She glanced at the clock, noting it was nearly 15:00. She
looked back at him. “…………………………”
The third child sighed and trudged into the room. “I had a
sync test this morning. Father set it up last minute last night. Afterwards
they made me go have a complete physical. I tried getting a taxi to take me
from NERV to the hospital, but the drivers that stopped left again once they
saw me.”
Rei’s eyes narrowed and she looked at him, noting that he
was drenched in sweat. <He looks like he… ran here from NERV. Oh my.> “It
is fine, Shinji-kun. I can leave at any time. Would you like to go ahead and
leave, or do you require some time to rest?”
The pilot had already collapsed into a chair and a guilty
look crossed his face as he realized she would want to leave as soon as
possible. “Just give me a minute to catch my breath and I’ll go sign your
discharge papers.”
Rei nodded and watched his face, noting how flushed he was.
He stood when the first child knew he was still tired and shuffled down the
hall and the elevator to sign her out. The annoying nurse came in a few minutes
later. “I heard you’re leaving us! Oh no! Well, let’s get you all ready to go.
Let’s get this old IV needle out. Would you like some help getting dressed?”
“I am capable of dressing on my own.” Rei stated flatly.
“Suit yourself. Just thought I’d ask. You take care of that
pretty little hand of yours, you hear?” He smiled again.
<What is the point of asking someone if they can hear
you? If they cannot, how would they know you asked?> “………………..”
“Well I can see you’re tired and ready to leave. Go ahead
and get changed, use the bathroom, whatever you need to do. I’m sure your
little boyfriend will be back soon enough. You press that call button if you
need me. You get better soon!” He strolled out. For all appearances, he seemed
about ready to burst into song. He was that
annoying.
The red-eyed girl dressed quickly, glad to be getting away
from the jovial nurse and his many comments about her ‘lovely red eyes’ and
‘darling little hair.’ She used the toilet and sat down on the edge of the bed,
absentmindedly rubbing the pad of her thumb over the bandages covering her
hand. Her S2 organ had healed the wound sufficiently so that it was now itching
like crazy. It felt very much like a mass of insects were crawling around on
the wound and prodding at the scabs with their sharp jaws. It took quite a bit
of concentration to keep from scratching the wound. She sighed inwardly with
relief, noticing he had a wheelchair and a pharmacy bag. “I believe I can walk,
Shinji-kun.” Rei stated.
“Possibly, but I thought we’d go for a walk and get some
fresh air. You can be self-reliant later. For now, spend some time with me.
Indulge me in a little caretaker blues.” Unit 01’s pilot grinned.
Rei nodded, getting into the wheelchair without any further
arguments. It was strange her her to be wheeled around when she knew she was
capable of walking, though slowly and with the occasional assist by an
inanimate object or a friendly fellow pilot… <Perhaps it is best that I just
relax and let Shinji-kun take me where he wants to.>
They reached the outside and moved at a strolling pace.
Though she was a bit curious what their destination was, she remained silent.
They stopped briefly as they passed a restaurant. “Are you hungry, Rei-kun?”
Shinji inquired.
The first child glanced briefly down and then nodded. “Hai.” <The only thing I’ve been given to eat today was
juice, coffee, beef broth which I did not have, and gelatin.>
They entered the restaurant and were greeted by a lovely
young lady. “Greetings. Thank you for gracing our humble restaurant!” The girl
announced. “You are in luck today. We are one of the only two restaurants still
in operation ever since the explosion a few days ago. A table for just the two
of you?”
“Hai.” The young Ikari replied. As
they were taken to their table, they did not pass very many people. Most of
those they did pass were NERV personnel. “It’s so deserted. It’s a bit
unsettling.” The boy remarked.
Rei remained silent. Though she was actually relieved that
the majority of the crowded populace had left, she wished they had not taken
their businesses with them. It made things rather inconvenient.
Moments after they were seated, serving platters with various
meats, vegetables, sauces, rice and noodles were brought out, as well as miso soup, both with tofu and seaweed as well as plain. “Is
there anything special you want brought to you from our humble kitchen, Sir?”
The waiter asked after a bow.
Shinji glanced around at what they had. “Ah… sembei, if you have it? Rei-kun, anything additional you
would like?”
“This is more than sufficient.” The first child responded.
The third child nodded at the waiter who left to get the
rice cracker treats. “I hope the extra time you spent at the hospital not
not
too bad.” He apologized again for the delay and the inconvenience.
“It could not be helped.” Rei responded. She frowned at her
left hand. She liked using that hand with chopsticks, but it was bandaged up
and likely still too weak to hold the utensils even if it weren’t. She fumbled
with the sticks for several long moments, dropping them twice before she
adjusted to using her right hand. They ate in relative silence, the girl
noticing that the young Ikari ate in a manner that made it obvious he was very
hungry. She found it amusing and gave him a gentle smile.
“Gomen. I did not eat very much
for breakfast.” The pilot stated. A piece of pastry was a rather poor
breakfast, especially when one is distracted by one’s thoughts and tantalizing
glimpses of nubile flesh.
“You are healthy, I trust?” Rskedsked, finally breaking a
nearly ten minute silence. It had been a comfortable one, but curiosity had
proven too great for the girl.
“Nani?” Shinji blinked in surprise
then realized she was asking about the physical. “As far as I know. Akagi-dono
and Maya-san did not say otherwise.”
The first child froze as she was about to pop a rice ball
into her mouth and set it down gently. “Maya-san?” For a reason she could not
quite understand, the boy being on a first name basis with the attractive young
lieutenant bothered her.
“Gomen. Ibuki-san. She told me to
use her personal name as I was leaving.” He blushed and tried not to think
about the earlier events between himself and the older girl.
“………………………………………………. I did not realize you were on such a
friendly basis with her.” The remark was almost a catty remark, though it only
had the slightest of edge to it. Otherwise, it was her normal soft and
emotionless tone.
“I suppose it just happened today. We just… I guess she
wants to be my friend.” He chewed on a strip of seasoned chicken and noticed
the girl’s posture had stiffened somewhat. <It’s hard to read her, but I
think she’s upset at me?> “Are you ok with that, Rei-kun?”
“……………. Of course.” The girl responded automatically.
<What led to such familiarity? I don’t really want to know.>
“I really enjoy your company, Rei-kun.” The third child bit
his lip nervously and hoped it would not upset her.
It had the opposite effect, bringing back the soft smile to
her countenance. It was the same smile she gave him when he had ripped open the
hatch to her entry plug after Unit 00 had been badly damaged fighting the 5th
angel. And it made the boy feel… complete. The rest of the meal was passed in silence,
save for the sounds of eating, then they were walking again. Or rather, Shinji
was walking and Rei was being pushed in her wheelchair.
The third child was walking with purpose now, no longer
distracted by the rumblings of his empty stomach. The blue-haired girl seemed
not to notice the change, but soon enough they entered a cemetery.
The first grave they stopped at was that of Ikari Yui. The
first child watched the dark haired boy kneel down and lower his head in
reverence and place a sembei cracker on the top of
her gravestone. “These were her favorite.” The young Ikari stated for the
girl’s benefit.
She watched him curiously. He played his roles in society
very well. The quiet apologetic child one minute, the wrathful and brave
warrior the next, then the calm and confident restaurant patron, and now
finally the reverent and dutiful son. It was a world, Rei realized, that Asuka
would never understand. Each was a reflection of Shinji, yet none were the true
Shinji. She saw into that truth when she gazed into his troubled eyes. It was a
world she wanted to be a part of, yet one she hated at the same time. She did
not understand her feelings. “You miss her.” The first child stated the
obvious.
Unit 01’s pilot sat on his ankles and nodded. “Hai. Every day. Especially times like now.”
“Times like now?” The crimson-eyed girl asked.
“Mother… I would like for you to meet Ayanami Rei. She is
important to me. She is my best friend. And… I have feelings for her. I… ok, I
can’t describe the depth of them now, but you can see into my heart, mother.
You know. I miss you. Rest well.” He bowed his head and ran his fingers over
the letters carved into the stone then stood up. He flashed a quick smile at
the other pilot, noticing that her eyes were wide in… he wasn’t sure. Shock?
Maybe a bit of confusion.
He wheeled her further into the cemetery, towards the newest
graves in the back. “One more stop before we go home.” Moments later, he was
kneeling before Toji Suzuhara’s
grave. “I’m sorry, Toji-kun. You did not deserve to
die. I hope you are finding peace and happiness on the other side.” He placed a
sesame seed rice ball on top of the deceased boy’s headstone, the image of his
friend being crushed inside the entry plug forever burned into his memory.
“Rest well.” He turned to kneel in front of Rei. “It’s all my fault, Rei-kun.
If I had fought the 13th angel and made sure the pilot got out
safely, Toji-kun would still be alive today. I failed
him.” [AN: Yes, in this storyline Toji lost his life,
not just a limb or two.]
The blue-haired girl shook her head once. “No… it is not.
You should not blame yourself, Shinji-kun.” <Such pain and sorrow. All
because of the dummy plug. All because of… me.>
“It was the dummy plug, Shinji-kun. Not you. Do not blame yourself.”
“I hate that fucking dummy plug!” The third child growled
vehemently.
“……………………………………………….. There is something I must tell you
about the dummy plug.” The girl paused, seeing the other pilot’es fes fixed
intently on her own. She forced herself to continue a few moments later.
<Just tell him!> “The system was based on me. On my psyche. It is
essentially me, without a soul.”
The young Ikari stared at Ayanami for several long moments
before asking, “So… you’re saying you are responsible for causing me to crush
my friend in my Eva’s hand.”
“……………………………………………………… Hai.”
Shinji’s hand came up, ready to strike the girl across the
face. She met his eyes with her own for a few moments then look away. She would
accept her punishment. It never came, as the boy forced his hand back to his
side. No matter the offense, he could never bring himself to strike her. Anyone
but her. “I will take you home.” Was all he said. He wheeled her home and made
sure she was in bed and comfortable then left without another word. Rei sighed
and slumped down in the bed, tears trickling from here eyes unbidden.
**************************
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