Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

My Sun, My Supernova	By : ditchgospel Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 3283 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
My Sun, My Supernova

Chapter 11

Release

Goku sits with his knees drawn up, watching as the sun sets on the horizon.
As he watches, he is not so much thinking anything in particular as he is simply
lost in emotion. He feels a sense of fear, one that seems to grow in intensity
as the sun sinks lower and lower in the sky, promising to disappear from view
altogether in just a short while. Sunsets have come to frighten him of late, as
has the darkness of night that always follows.

He hears a shift of movement behind him, and turns with a flood of relief.
Sanzo is awake at last, and he will not have to face the sunset alone.

"Sanzo? Come an' watch with me."

"Are you watching the nasty sun again? I swear, one day the silly little
monkey will burn his eyes blind, and then there will be only darkness, forever
and ever and ever."

"Don't say that, it's not nice. Just... come over here, 'kay? I don't wanna
be alone."

With a mumbled groan of agreement, Sanzo crawls his way over to Goku's side
and leans snuggly against him.

Goku breathes a sigh of contented relief, greedily soaking up his presence.
There, it's not so bad now. Let the other sun sink as far away as it wants, for
he already has one of his very own.

"Goku, why do you feel so drawn to the sun? Can its fire not be too vicious
at times?"

"But the earth couldn't even live without the sun."

"So you don't deny its potential for cruelty, then?"

Sanzo's words are starting to confuse Goku again, and he feels frustrated that he can never seem to understand. Is Sanzo trying to tell him something important?

"Sorry, Sanzo, but I don't get it. I'm just a stupid monkey,
remember?"

Goku rests his head on his knees. He wonders why can't he just exist, without
having to worry and think so much. It's hard, this being responsible, being
reasonable and always trying to understand things. Why can't life be just a
little bit simpler?

"Ah, but even monkeys have souls. Goku, don't you ever wish you could leave
behind all the burdens that come with carrying the soul's load?"

Is Sanzo talking about death? Goku almost has the urge to cover his
ears, except he would never want to shut Sanzo out in that way.

"Goku, listen. I woke up just now, and I could feel it. The
difference. The pain is gone now, all gone. My soul feels so light. I
barely feel it at all. It feels wonderful, Goku. Perfect. Clean. Free."

Did Sanzo just say what Goku thinks he just said? Is he really...

"Sanzo, you mean... you don't hurt anymore? Are you... are you sure?
There's no more pain, at all?"

"No, it's been washed away. It feels wonderful."

Gently, Goku places one hand on each side of Sanzo's head, as if handling something so precious that to touch it is almost an act of worship. He looks straight into Sanzo's eyes, long and hard, trying to search for any evidence of pain in their violet depths. His heart is racing, afraid to believe Sanzo's
words, afraid to hope, because what if they aren't true? He's worked so
desperately to try to erase the terrible pain in Sanzo's eyes, but nothing has
helped, and he feels so worn out.

Sanzo matches the intensity of his gaze, and neither moves as this curious
investigation takes place.

As Goku looks into Sanzo's eyes, he can see something swirling in
their midst. Something he can't name, but no, he can no longer see that raw,
overflowing pain that had already broken his heart so many times.

Is it really over?

Suddenly, Goku is struck with pure joy, just completely unadulterated
elation.

Hot tears begin to stream down his face, so overcome is he with relief. He
presses his lips to Sanzo's in a kiss of celebration and devotion, as if in a
last desperate attempt to swallow up any remaining, hidden traces of pain from within
the other.

Sanzo allows this over-enthusiastic display of emotion, and responds by
slipping his arms around Goku. Their two bodies, now marred with fresh scars and
all the hurts that still haven't healed, find themselves entwined in an embrace
that is finally not one born of pain, but of freedom.

Goku eventually breaks off the kiss for one more look, just to be sure. What
Sanzo says seems to be true, but what then is that something that he is
sure he can see swimming around within those purple pools? There's almost
something frightening about it, something not quite right. But Goku doesn't
care. Right now, he couldn't care less.

He is about to engage in another kiss, but before he can do so, Sanzo takes a firm hold of his wrists and removes his hands fom their position.

"Goku, be still. Listen. I wish you could share this feeling, this freedom.
I'm sad for you, my Goku, because you have to keep suffering like you do.
I want to release you, so you can join me. Will you let me release you, my
little Goku? Will you trust me enough to let me decide what's best for you?"

"'Course I trust you, you know that. But I don't know what you
mean. "

"It's so simple, Goku. I only want you to be free."

"I am free, aren't I?"

"No. Let me show you. Close your eyes."

"Sanzo?"

"Trust me. Now close your eyes. Don't open them until I tell you to."

So Goku squeezes his eyes shut, trusting in his Sanzo to know what's best,
because he doesn't have a clue what he's talking about, and he's so
tired of struggling to understand.

He feels Sanzo moving away from him, hears him stop a short distance off.

"Open your eyes, and tell me what you see."

Goku snaps open his eyes, and the shock of what he sees stuns his mixed-up
heart.

For Sanzo has the muzzle of his gun pressed up tight against his own head,
his finger squeezing dangerously down upon the trigger.

"Sanzo, no, what are you doing!"

He begins to rise in order to go to Sanzo and stop whatever insanity he has
in mind, but Sanzo kills this impulse with his next chilling words.

"One more step, and I'll shoot myself dead, Goku. Do you want me to do
that?"

Goku freezes, beginning to panic.

"I though you said you weren't hurting anymore? Why are you... do you
wanna die? Sanzo?"

"Shhh... Just tell me what you see."

What does he see? He sees Sanzo, his Sanzo, holding a gun to his head. His
Sanzo wanting to kill himself and splatter his own brains all over the ground as
if it were some kind of a game, right in front of his very eyes. He sees...

"Pain. I see too much pain. Sanzo, please... I can't stand it
anymore."

His eyes begin to shed tears again, but this time they are not tears of joy,
but tears of grief, helplessness, confusion, tears of torment.

"Don't cry, Goku, My little Goku. Do you see what I mean now? You are
not free, are you? Do you see that now? You are still bound by the
fragility of the soul, still bound to pain. Let me set you free, Goku.
Let me set you free."

Goku is allowed one brief flash of relief as Sanzo turns the gun away from
himself. He is forced to watch, then, as Sanzo instead points it directly at
him, aiming for the head.

His mind goes blank, all coherent thought unexpectedly caught off guard.

In the next instant, Sanzo pulls the trigger.
- 10
- 11
- 12
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

My Sun, My Supernova