Moon and Stars | By : Monddame Category: Sailor Moon > General Views: 5134 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon in any way shape or form. I am not given money or any other compensation (not even hugs) for my writing. All I get is the satisfaction of knowing that it's out there somewhere for others to read. |
The next few days passed in much the same way. Each day she felt a little more comfortable with her family, got used to smiling genuinely again a little bit more. She felt her old joy returning just a small piece at a time. But each night somewhere in her dreams Seiya would appear and her self-loathing and agony would begin again.
She talked to Minako on Wednesday and then Rei on Thursday, both girls encouraged, but skeptical at the new hopeful tone in Usagi’s voice. But in agreement with Luna, they decided to let Usagi make the next move to see them, instead of rushing around making crazy plans that might upset her.
As the week neared an end, Usagi prepared for her removal back to her own apartment. She hoped leaving a few days to adjust to being in her own space again before going back to work would help her keep her upward trend on track. And after an off-hand suggestion, Shingo was coming to stay with her Friday night and spending Saturday with her as well before returning home.
“Well, here it is.” Usagi ushered her excited brother into the one bedroom apartment she called home. “This is the living room. The kitchen’s in there and the bathroom is through my bedroom in there. I can sleep on the couch and you can sleep in there.”
“No way. I’m not kicking you out of your bed. I’ll sleep on the couch. Looks comfy.” Shingo flopped down on it to illustrate his point folding his arms behind his head. “Now, what’s there to eat?”
Usagi laughed and headed into the kitchen, hoping she had something decent she could serve him. She started pulling out the fixings for sandwiches: something she could make more than ordinary with very little effort and no heating of any kind. She was scanning the fridge for the mustard when she caught herself rubbing her left ring finger with her right thumb: a habit she’d been developing since she’d put away Mamoru’s ring which Luna had pointed out.
She opened a can of tuna fish for the cat and brought the sandwiches out to her brother who was watching a soccer game on her small television. They spent the evening talking and watching TV together until the conversation found its way to a discussion about Shingo’s confusion about girls. Usagi attempted to give him some advice, but rolled her eyes at his hopelessness.
“What about you, Usagi? How’s your love life?” He immediately regretted his jest and wished he had the power to stuff the words back into his mouth.
“Well, pretty much non-existent at this point.” Usagi smiled at him and sighed. The both sat locked in their own thoughts for a moment, silence filling the room. “Actually, can I ask you about something Shingo?”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“You liked Mamoru, right?”
“Yeah, he was great.” He considered something, deciding whether or not he should say it. “To be honest, I was really looking forward to having him as a brother.”
He studied his sister’s expression, trying to gauge her reaction. He wasn’t quite sure where the safety boundaries were on this topic, and he didn’t want to push her back into her shell while he felt them out. But though she looked sad and wistful, she gave him a weary smile.
“And I’m sure he would have been a great brother to you.” She drifted away for a second, her mind full of the picture that Shingo had presented her, one she hadn’t considered before. “Can any other man really ever take Mamo-chan’s place?” She said it more to herself than to him.
“Mamoru was a good guy, and no one will ever take his place. But that doesn’t mean that another guy won’t come along and create his own place in your life.” She looked at him, at the earnest, almost fierce, look in his eyes.
“Do you really think so? You really think that it would be okay to make a place for another?” This time he rolled his eyes at her.
“Usagi, just because Mamoru’s gone doesn’t mean you have to become a nun or something. If your spots were reversed, wouldn’t you want him to move on, to be happy even if that meant he was happy with someone else?”
Would she? Could she really want Mamo-chan to be with someone else? From the time that she had spent in Mamo-chan’s love she knew it was deep and abundant. And that kind of love was meant to be shared, not pent up inside oneself. And he deserved everything, including someone to love him back. Yes, she would want him to be happy, no matter what. And knowing that love he exuded, her heart started to believe that he would wish the same thing for her.
“Yes, I would want him to be happy.” He smiled; glad she could admit that he was right.
“So, does that mean that another someone is trying to make a place, since you seemed to be so worried about it?” Usagi’s first instinct was to deny, deny, deny; but the blush that crept up into her cheeks ruined that plan. “There is! Tell me, who is it? Do I know him?”
“Do you…do you remember Seiya?” He thought for a minute.
“That dark-haired guy, from the Three Lights, right; is it him?”
“Yes, but it’s not an active campaign, so to speak.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well, you know that I’m Sailor Moon. Well, the Three Lights are also…they’re the Starlights that helped me defeat Galaxia.” Shingo’s eyes widened.
“But aren’t the Starlights girls?”
“I know. It’s confusing. Well, after the battle, they returned to their home planet, Kinmokusei, with their princess to rebuild it.”
“But that was years ago. Have they ever come back to visit?”
“No, not once.” She looked down again, damning herself for the tears forming in her eyes. “But I’m sure they’re very busy. That’s what I meant that it isn’t an active campaign. It’s only memories…and dreams.” She took a shaky breath, steadying herself. “I don’t know why my heart is aching to break itself again, dreaming about someone in a different galaxy.”
Shingo took a deep breath himself. He had no idea what to say to that. The only thing that came to mind was a cheesy cliché: the heart wants what the heart wants. That was decidedly unhelpful. His romantic problems were nothing in comparison to this. What had his sister done to attract such a difficult life? Not only was she denied a normal adolescence because of her duties as Sailor Moon, but her true love died before they could really start a life together. And now, the man who might be able to help her mend her broken heart was someone millions of light years away! It just wasn’t fair.
“That sucks.” Usagi smiled sadly and nodded, agreeing with his assessment. “Don’t you have any way of contacting them?”
“No: and what would I say to him if I did? Sorry for choosing Mamo-chan over you, but he’s dead now so why don’t you come back?” She sighed. “Even if I could truly believe I could move on from Mamo-chan and there was some miraculous occurrence that brought him back, it wouldn’t be fair to Seiya to ask him to overlook the past just so I wouldn’t be alone anymore. I made my choice, and the consequences are mine to endure.”
Bidding Shingo goodnight, Usagi retired to her room and lay awake a long time thinking about the impossible situation she was in before falling asleep.
Shingo was having a hard time falling asleep, too. Some of the last things she’d said were bothering him. If she could believe she could move on from Mamoru? Why couldn’t she believe it? And that comment about choosing Mamoru over Seiya; he assumed that meant Seiya had expressed an interest in his sister. And apparently, she was sure that these feelings hadn’t lasted her rebuff and the subsequent years since they’d seen each other. He wondered if that were true. Maybe he should tell the scouts about what Usagi had told him; they might be able to figure out a way to contact the Starlights. But, though he would do anything to keep his sister from sliding back into her depression, Shingo concluded that it wasn’t his business to tell the scouts. Usagi would tell them when she was ready, and he didn’t want to endanger the new trust she’d placed in him. He fell asleep wondering what he could possibly do himself to make the situation less grim.
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