Choices

AN: This chapter... *sigh* it gave me some trouble, but not as much as others. And you will see Matt struggling with his emotions in this one, well, the start of it. Hehe. (and as usual my beta is M.I.A… but has good reasons for it)

Suggested Listening: Friend or Foe by t.A.t.U; Another Way In by The Rosebuds (hard to find, try either or )

Chapter Nine: Mihael

Matt glanced up from the laptop, though not long enough to gain Mello's attention.

He had no idea what he was supposed to do. Mello's had begun to question what he was doing. He had slipped up, or was the blonde was just too damn observant. Or… worried?

Mello seemed to pay more attention to him with each passing day, and not in a good way. His gaze lingered longer and seemed to question his every move when he was at or near his laptop, or when he had been gone longer then stated.

Mello increasingly more curious. Even to the point of outright asking him what he was doing, what was so interesting to him, and even tried to lean over the top of the laptop and see.

Today's excuse had been pinball.

The look Mello had given him clearly stated he wasn't believed one bit.

Matt wondered if he could continue to lie to Mello, because he could obviously tell. He could see the brief flickers of hurt, as well as the suspicion, in Mello's eyes every time he was forced to lie to him.

And Matt hated it. So. Damn. Much.

Should he... should he tell Mello everything? Could he tell him? About the mission, about Kira, about everything? Would Mello even let him finish before he stormed off...? His whole life did seem like something out of a crappy mystery novel or soap opera.

Matt sighed softly and ran gloved fingers through his hair.

Mello was all he seemed to think about. No one had affected him so completely ever. And it seemed his mission, and all the secrets that came with it, had begun to grate on their friendship.

Matt was frustrated. And he knew that decisions born of frustration were usually bad ones. He glanced over at Mello again, who was studiously ignoring him for the moment, and knew that he couldn’t tell him.

Even if it would make some things easier.

Matt suddenly felt angry at himself for even thinking of doing something as stupid as that, just for the sake of a friendship. It was bad enough he'd deleted stuff, even lied about things, but to even think of exposing the mission...

But the mission was wrong... wasn't it?

What was the right thing to do?

“I'm going for a smoke.” he needed to get away. Clear his head, and think. And he couldn’t do that around Mello, not with the atmosphere between them so damn tense. Mello looked up quickly and appeared ready to say something but Matt was smart enough to leave before he could.

Matt was... aggravated. It was in both their best interests for him to sort things out before something unpleasant was said. Something Matt would probably regret later.

The air outside was cold, the early days of December, much colder than before. They had already had a small snowfall, though it was apparently warmer than usual.

His orange covered eyes stared blankly, unseeing, across the yard. He took a long drag and held it in until his throat burned before he exhaled. His eyes flickered to the soft cloud of smoke as it floated and drifted away into the air.

He couldn't tell Mello. That much was certain. If it were the secrets that slowly eroded their friendship, telling Mello would kill it. Matt just wouldn't jeopardize that on the off chance Mello would listen to reason for once.

Matt left the cigarette pressed between his lips and hung his head.

What was he supposed to do...? He couldn't tell Rodger, that was just a stupid idea if he couldn't even tell Mello...

Maybe it was best just to let it be and... see how things played out on their own.

He didn't really see any other options.

He felt cornered, trapped, and he disliked it immensely.

He didn't even feel like smoking anymore at the moment. He stubbed it out on the side of the building and tossed the crushed butt out onto the lawn. He'd probably get chewed out by Rodger if it was found but at the moment that was he least of his worries.

Matt took his time in getting back to the room and wished he'd taken a little longer. Mello was still in the same position on the bed, except now he fiddled awkwardly with a bar of chocolate.

Matt had no idea how to fix the prevailing weirdness at the moment, so instead he went back to the laptop. It was time to finally hack Whammys, something he was supposed to have done within his first month there.

He had kept putting it off, even going so far as to tell Light that the system was encrypted with things he'd never seen before and that it was taking much longer than he'd expected to crack it. In short, he'd been lying to his boss for months.

For no real reason either...

In reality Whammys was ridiculously easy for Matt to hack into. If that was L's best system then he had no idea how he'd managed to stay faceless for so long. Then again, not everyone was as good when it came to computers as he was.

Matt didn’t have anything specific in mind to look for. He just wandered... there was so much information on there. There was a file, it seemed, for every child at Whammys. Nothing on L though. At least there didn't appear to be from the quick once over he did of the file names.

Something, however, did interest him.

A folder with the title of 'successors'. Matt gazed curiously at the unassuming folder for a second before he clicked on it. Inside there were three other folders, each with a name. Matt, Mello and Near.

He clicked on his own folder first, and found it mostly filled with the garbage Light had fabricated for him. Though there did appear to be notes written by someone else; observations perhaps? He decided to look at that later, there was one folder he really wanted to look into.

Mello's.

His heart beat faster in his chest, what he was doing having finally caught up with him. Mello, whose real name and birth date were in that folder, was in the same room with him and hardly seven feet away.

So with a small form of excitement Matt opened the folder. Mihael Keehl, born December 13th. Matt found that he rather liked that name, Mihael.

It was certainly better than his own. He found that Matt suited him much better than Mail ever had.

Then it clicked. December 13th, that was only two day's away! And Mello hadn't ever said anything about it. He would never have known....

Matt knew that he would have to work quickly if he wanted to get Mello something by his birthday; as in have to talk to Rodger before tomorrow when classes began again. It wasn't like he didn't have money, being one of L's successors had its perks after all, but would Rodger allow him to spend some of it?

That man was so damn irritating at times...

Out of curiosity Matt opened Near's folder and looked it over quickly. Nate River was the albino's name. Somehow it suited the boy, though it was still an odd combination.

As he exited out of the folder Matt came to a decision. A rather important one.

Light could never get his hands on any of that information. None of it. So he worked a virus into the system that would corrupt and destroy everything should anyone attempt to hack into it. Just like he had. Though Matt would still be able to, as he knew what too look for.

Matt knew that he was hiding things that Light had specifically requested he find. But it was different now that he knew these people. Lived with them, was friends with them. He wasn't exactly sure where that left him mission wise.

He knew he shouldn't care about Mello or any of those at Whammys, that the mission should be the only thing in his thoughts. But Matt was afraid he'd already crossed over that line so far that he couldn’t go back.

That the mission just didn’t matter anymore.

He shoved those thoughts away quickly. It was dangerous to think things like that. Even more dangerous than hiding vital information....

He knew that he only clung to the one thing he was sure of, or had been sure of, but with his thoughts taking him in every direction... the mission was the only thing that made sense.

It was a Sunday, a fact for which Matt was thankful for; otherwise he wouldn't have been able to spend so much time inside Whammys system. During the week he had a bit more than going over surveillance to deal with. But at the moment he had something more to do.

He logged out of Whammys, shut his laptop, and without a word to Mello left to find Rodger.

Thankfully the man was highly predictable, unless something went wrong and altered his actions accordingly, and as usual was in his office at that time of day. Matt may not have liked having to talk to him, but for a situation like that he had to remind himself to remain civil.

As in not avidly trying to piss the man off. Which was generally rather fun.

He didn’t bother to knock on the door as it was already open, like it usually was unless a meeting was going on, and walked in. Rodger looked up from a stack of papers with a poorly disguised frown.

Why did he have to be nice to this man again? Oh yes, Mello.

“Good evening Matt, is there something I can do for you?” Rodger had asked as he laid down his pen and steepled his hands, and watched patiently as Matt seated himself.

“Actually, yes. I need to buy a leather jacket.” the quicker he got Rodger to agree the quicker he could leave. Matt wasn't sure why he hadn't immediately thought of the jacket when he'd learned Mello's birthday was so close.

The blonde had complained, rather loudly, about a tear in his old jacket just over a week ago. Mello had explained that Rodger probably wouldn't let him get a new one unless it was for Christmas, even if though he was willing to pay for it, saying that something like that was better left as a gift.

“And before you ask, it's not for me.” Matt added as an afterthought. Rodger's gaze took on some curiosity, though it should have been rather obvious as to whom it was for. At least obvious by Matt's standards.

“For Mello I presume?” Rodger said after a moment. Matt nodded slowly, it seemed he was going to have to explain why he was requesting it and not Mello. Though Matt knew Rodger wouldn't even think of allowing Mello to get it. He really did have a vendetta against the blonde, or something of that nature.

“It's for his birthday.” Matt supplied before Rodger had the chance to speak again. Rodger's eyes widened slightly. “It is that time of year again, isn't it?” Matt ignored the rhetorical question and remained silent.

“I assume that you already know that Whammys will not cater to every wish and desire-”

Matt rolled his eyes and cut the man off mid speech. “I am one of L's successors, I believe I have more than enough money lying around to buy a jacket.”

“Are you certain you want to waste your money on something like that?” Rodger questioned with a raised eyebrow. Matt was uncertain, at this point, whether the old man was talking about Mello or the jacket. He wouldn't put it passed the Rodger to say something of the sort about Mello...

It left Matt feeling rather hostile towards him.

“I'm sure that I have more than enough money floating around that I could buy hundreds of jackets. I only need one, however.” Matt still attempted to be civil, by his standards at least, though he had begun to edge the line into sarcasm.

“Very well. Do you have anything specific in mind?” Rodger sighed, apparently having realized that he would have been sitting there a while had he not just agreed. Because Matt would have argued with the man until he gave in.

“Can I use your laptop?” Rodger merely sighed again and pushed the machine towards him. Matt already knew the website to order from, and pulled up an almost exact copy of Mello's ruined jacket.

Matt blinked at the cost. Huh, his shit was expensive.

He pushed the laptop back to Rodger and almost laughed at the mans expression. “This one? Are you certain?” Matt nodded to Rodger's question and watched the man shake his head as he placed the order.

“It will be here on the thirteenth. As for your other items, they will be here sometime tomorrow. There was a mix up in the shipping and they were lost for a little while. Is that all you needed?” Rodger's tone was hopeful and Matt almost told him no.

“At least until I need to shop for Christmas.” Matt smiled at Rodger, who frowned. Matt took that as his cue to leave. Though now that Matt thought on it, he really had no idea what to do for Christmas.

He could always just get Mello a ton of his favorite chocolate. The blonde couldn't seem to get enough of it, so Matt couldn't really go wrong there. And Mello was on a sort of chocolate restriction, mainly because he only wanted to eat the expensive stuff now.

He had at least a week before he really needed to think more on that subject. Let him get through Mello's birthday first.

Matt knew that dinner was practically ready to start, ten minutes at most, and yet he was still headed back to their room. He wasn't sure why he didn’t just head there on his own as he and Mello hadn't really spoken since that morning.

Mello was still sat on the edge of his bed when he walked in; he didn’t even glance at him. Somehow Matt felt he should have expected that...

“I'm sorry...” Mello's face was turned away and his voice low. Matt was rather... stunned. Never once, in the four months that he'd known him, had he ever heard Mello apologize. For anything.

At all.

“Then I am too.” it hadn't been Mello's fault really. Matt was the one with all the secrets. Mello, it seemed, was just as bothered by their silence as Matt was. It wouldn't fix the main issue, which Matt wasn’t sure was fixable, but it was a start. And it would set them at ease at least for that night.

The only thing that would 'fix' it would be for Matt to come clean about everything. That might also be the one thing to ruin everything. It all seemed to come back to the mission. And Mello.

Mello who now stood and was headed for the door, as the sounds of other children now came from the hallway which in turn signaled dinner. Though Matt did noticed that Mello had left his chocolate lying abandoned on his bed.

“Don't forget your chocolate, you'll regret it.”

Mello smiled at him and Matt felt a fluttery sensation in his stomach, like butterflies. It wasn't... unpleasant. Just, unexpected, and odd.

“Stop daydreaming, I’m hungry.” nothing was fixed, but at least for now it seemed back to normal. Matt followed the chocoholic to dinner and they sat with their usual table mate.

Matt did wish that Near would move back to whatever table he had frequented before Matt came to Whammys. Or get sick again. At least then he could eat in peace.

Snap

Matt didn't even have to glance up from his meal to know it was Mello eating his chocolate. He smirked into his food. How Mello could eat so much of that stuff and stay so damn skinny he would never know.

He swore Mello did better in the weekly tests just so Matt could get him the expensive chocolate that Rodger didn't allow him to have.

“What is Matt so amused about?” Near's soft voice floated across the table and made Matt pause. He must have let his expression slip more than he'd thought. No matter, it wasn't like he ever really answered Near anyway.

“Probably thinking of a way to murder you in your sleep sheep boy.” Mello sneered. Matt merely shrugged a shoulder. Let them think what they want, Mello never got it right.

“I do believe Mello is incorrect. As he is about most things.” Near stated calmly while he no longer looked at either of them. Mello snarled and stood up quickly. That happened about twice a week. Near goading Mello until he wanted to kill the albino, that is.

Matt gently grasped Mello's wrist and the blonde instantly stilled. His angry features remained though he sighed heavily now. “Come on Matt. I'm done.” Mello stalked off leaving Matt behind.

Matt stood and looked down at Near and met his gaze. “One of these days Mello is going to snap. And when that happens, I won’t stop him.” Near was good at creating problems where Mello was concerned, but Matt wondered just how good he would be at fixing them.

Matt left Near seated there by himself, and after a quick smoke, joined Mello in their room.

“I should have known you would go and smoke. That's so damn unhealthily.” Mello muttered as he exited the bathroom in a t-shirt and boxers. At least he wore a shirt that time...

Mello never went to bed that early unless he was tired, so Matt guessed he was going to either read a novel or study. Though he would undoubtedly be under the covers. It was rather cool in the room.

Matt followed suit and changed into his own night clothes and hurried under the covers, already having started to shiver. Did Rodger ever turn the heat on here?

They hadn't said another word to each other, since before dinner, and yet the silence that was now cast over the room wasn’t uncomfortable. Enjoyable even.

Matt was mostly covered by his blankets, lying on his stomach, with his arms propped on his pillow to play the PSP. Only his head stuck out; and even then only the smallest amount. It was cold.

Matt had never been one to enjoy extremes of either weather, preferring instead to stay in moderate climates. Or inside where you controlled the climate. So it wasn't a surprise when he began to feel drowsy despite the early hour.

Matt's eyes fluttered and he vaguely noticed his fingers had stopped moving across the PSP buttons. He was comfortable, and warm. It made him tired; seemed to suck at the energy from his body.

He was thankful he'd already turned his light off, because he knew he wouldn't be able to turn it off at the moment.

His eyes closed completely and the soft turning of pages lulled him to sleep.

-

Matt was pushed gently to the bed and he gazed up at his attacker with an amused air about him. Slim fingers tugged his goggles down so that they hung loosely around his neck. Green eyes widened as a hand shoved its way into his jeans; rubbing harshly against his growing erection.

His breath hitched and Matt was met with laughter. “Not so calm now, are you?” the soft pop of the button being undone seemed to echo in his ears. Whatever he'd been expecting, it wasn't this.

As Mello's mouth engulfed his erection and he couldn’t help the moan that escaped his now parted lips.

The blonde's mouth was hot, wet and absolutely exquisite. Matt bit his lip to silence himself as Mello's gently sucks became fiercer.

And oh god, his tongue!

Cold fingers wrapped themselves around the base, giving a gentle squeeze, before they slid up and back down in agonizingly slow motions. Matt was breathing harshly now, eyes half lidded, as Mello took more of him into his mouth.

Matt's fingers were tangled in the blonde's hair, urging him on; pulling, tugging and gripping fistfuls of the silky hair tightly. “M- oh!”

Mello had all of him in his mouth now, head bobbing up and down, and Matt just couldn't hold out any longer. He moaned loudly as he came and Mello didn’t move away until he was completely spent.

Mello was fucking amazing, though it was so much more than that.

Matt leaned foreword and captured the blonde's lips in a heated kiss; teeth and tongue clashing until Mello pulled away, breathless.

“Mihael” he breathed; “I love you.” Matt smiled warmly at the blonde who smirked happily in return.

-

Matt's eyes shot open and he laid there for a full minute while he tried to steady his breathing. Only once he was fully awake, and his mind in working order, was he able to recall what he'd been dreaming about...

"Oh Fuck." he swore. And what was worse, he noticed the way Mello stared oddly at him from across the room.

-End Mihael-

AN: I bet none of you saw that coming (*cough*) am I right?

oh...... I so loved ending it here. Hahaha poor Matt. Originally I didn't have anything like this planned, the dream thing and all, but it just kind of worked its way in.

How was it?

Fangasm?

Boring?

Review?