Gold & Guns
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Death Note › Yaoi-Male/Male › Mello/Matt
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Category:
Death Note › Yaoi-Male/Male › Mello/Matt
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
14
Views:
1,722
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own or make money from Death Note
Part 11 - Sympathy
AN: You NEED to listen to the song for the chapter to be as intended. The song literally FITS the chapter COMPLETLY. Really, I implore you to listen to it for this.
Suggested Listening: Sympathy by Karmina
Part 11
~Sympathy~
Mello had known something was wrong, that something was off, for the past few days. Matt had been acting guilty ever since he had woken up in bed and covered in rolls of bandages and feeling as though his body was in hell. And Matt's behavior had gotten steadily worse and Mello had finally had enough of it; he was in constant pain from his healing burns, the act of walking caused him enough agony to not try it again anytime soon, and he just wanted the tenseness between them to leave.
"Matt what the hell is your problem? What happened while you were out the other night to make you feel so damn guilty?" he sighed through his words, his exhaustion extinguishing his anger before it could even form. He looked at Matt, who was seated in the armchair across from the couch he was slumped in.
Matt looked like a deer caught in headlights and Mello knew it couldn't be good. He narrowed his eyes and sat up a little, hissing in pain, and making it completely clear with his expression alone that Matt needed to tell him. Whatever it was, was seriously bothering the redhead and in turn bothering him, not that he would let Matt know the last part...
Matt seemed torn and indecisive for a few moments before he dropped his gaze, fingers paused over his game.
"I never told you.. but I went back to the club after our fight, the night of the explosion. I was in one of the rooms. And I... went back the other night." Matt's voice had drifted to a whisper towards the end but he had still been clearly heard.
Mello felt as though all of the air had been taken from his lungs, as though someone had kicked him straight in the gut with steel-toed boots. Matt had done that after their fight... and had gone back recently? He had stayed away for so long... and he had gone back for that?
He didn't know how to react to that. He really didn't.
He forced himself to stand, though he didn't dare try to take any steps yet, the pain from moving more than enough to keep him still.
"Mello I... I hadn't planned on going back..." Matt pleaded quietly.
But you did, he thought.
Mello wished he felt anger... wished he could feel something; but it was as though he had suddenly been emptied of all emotions.
"I know it was a stupid thing to do but I just needed-"
"Be quiet." he muttered. He knew all the places where he had weapons hidden, a few were even within reach. He shook his head slightly. He was surprised that the thought had had even crossed his mind. What the hell would he even do, certainly not hurt Matt...maybe the fuckers who had touched him…
"Mello your bandages-"
"Just stop. Leave me alone." he shakily turned, a brief moment of vertigo causing him to pause, and stumbled out of the room as he left the stunned redhead in the armchair. He couldn't... he really shouldn't have believed that Matt would listen to him, especially after that fight before the explosion. Matt hadn't made things easy since their reunion, and Mello had been so fucking stupid to believe that things would stay good. But Matt wasn't the problem. He was.
His feelings were the issue.
The delayed spark of betrayal flooded his senses and nearly toppled him as he reached the bedroom. It wasn't Matt's fault that he had left him at Wammys... and left him to get used to that life... wasn't Matt's fault that he wasn't enough to break the cycle that had been Matt's entire existence for four whole years..
he wasn't enough...
...in anything he did.
And maybe it was just the weight of the last few months... years... finally taking their toll on his mind, but Matt's admittance that someone else had touched him again, just when he had begun to understand that he truly cared for Matt more than a friend should, more like a lover, crushed him.
His burns itched painfully and his breathing had elevated from his idiocy in moving to the bedroom. He couldn't tell which pain it was that made him shake, and he didn't care, he hated it just the same.
The aching in his chest overwhelmed that of his burns and he crumbled to the bed and turned his back to the door, lying on his side. His fingers gripped the sheets tightly in his fingers, as tightly as the weakened muscles could and he simply laid there with his eyes closed. He cared for Matt. And he could never tell him... because he wasn't... enough.
Mello felt the bed dip and realized he hadn't even heard Matt come down the hallway; cold fingers gently touched his shoulder and he flinched away, he didn't want Matt near him...
Matt pulled back but didn't leave, wouldn't leave him like this, and instead curled up on the other side of the bed. Matt didn't say a word, simply kept his back gently touching his. His fingers were white knuckled and it was all Mello could do to keep his emotions at bay. It was all he could do...
-End Part 11-
AN: Yay for drama? Hehehe.
Suggested Listening: Sympathy by Karmina
Part 11
~Sympathy~
Mello had known something was wrong, that something was off, for the past few days. Matt had been acting guilty ever since he had woken up in bed and covered in rolls of bandages and feeling as though his body was in hell. And Matt's behavior had gotten steadily worse and Mello had finally had enough of it; he was in constant pain from his healing burns, the act of walking caused him enough agony to not try it again anytime soon, and he just wanted the tenseness between them to leave.
"Matt what the hell is your problem? What happened while you were out the other night to make you feel so damn guilty?" he sighed through his words, his exhaustion extinguishing his anger before it could even form. He looked at Matt, who was seated in the armchair across from the couch he was slumped in.
Matt looked like a deer caught in headlights and Mello knew it couldn't be good. He narrowed his eyes and sat up a little, hissing in pain, and making it completely clear with his expression alone that Matt needed to tell him. Whatever it was, was seriously bothering the redhead and in turn bothering him, not that he would let Matt know the last part...
Matt seemed torn and indecisive for a few moments before he dropped his gaze, fingers paused over his game.
"I never told you.. but I went back to the club after our fight, the night of the explosion. I was in one of the rooms. And I... went back the other night." Matt's voice had drifted to a whisper towards the end but he had still been clearly heard.
Mello felt as though all of the air had been taken from his lungs, as though someone had kicked him straight in the gut with steel-toed boots. Matt had done that after their fight... and had gone back recently? He had stayed away for so long... and he had gone back for that?
He didn't know how to react to that. He really didn't.
He forced himself to stand, though he didn't dare try to take any steps yet, the pain from moving more than enough to keep him still.
"Mello I... I hadn't planned on going back..." Matt pleaded quietly.
But you did, he thought.
Mello wished he felt anger... wished he could feel something; but it was as though he had suddenly been emptied of all emotions.
"I know it was a stupid thing to do but I just needed-"
"Be quiet." he muttered. He knew all the places where he had weapons hidden, a few were even within reach. He shook his head slightly. He was surprised that the thought had had even crossed his mind. What the hell would he even do, certainly not hurt Matt...maybe the fuckers who had touched him…
"Mello your bandages-"
"Just stop. Leave me alone." he shakily turned, a brief moment of vertigo causing him to pause, and stumbled out of the room as he left the stunned redhead in the armchair. He couldn't... he really shouldn't have believed that Matt would listen to him, especially after that fight before the explosion. Matt hadn't made things easy since their reunion, and Mello had been so fucking stupid to believe that things would stay good. But Matt wasn't the problem. He was.
His feelings were the issue.
The delayed spark of betrayal flooded his senses and nearly toppled him as he reached the bedroom. It wasn't Matt's fault that he had left him at Wammys... and left him to get used to that life... wasn't Matt's fault that he wasn't enough to break the cycle that had been Matt's entire existence for four whole years..
he wasn't enough...
...in anything he did.
And maybe it was just the weight of the last few months... years... finally taking their toll on his mind, but Matt's admittance that someone else had touched him again, just when he had begun to understand that he truly cared for Matt more than a friend should, more like a lover, crushed him.
His burns itched painfully and his breathing had elevated from his idiocy in moving to the bedroom. He couldn't tell which pain it was that made him shake, and he didn't care, he hated it just the same.
The aching in his chest overwhelmed that of his burns and he crumbled to the bed and turned his back to the door, lying on his side. His fingers gripped the sheets tightly in his fingers, as tightly as the weakened muscles could and he simply laid there with his eyes closed. He cared for Matt. And he could never tell him... because he wasn't... enough.
Mello felt the bed dip and realized he hadn't even heard Matt come down the hallway; cold fingers gently touched his shoulder and he flinched away, he didn't want Matt near him...
Matt pulled back but didn't leave, wouldn't leave him like this, and instead curled up on the other side of the bed. Matt didn't say a word, simply kept his back gently touching his. His fingers were white knuckled and it was all Mello could do to keep his emotions at bay. It was all he could do...
-End Part 11-
AN: Yay for drama? Hehehe.