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Heh Killua	By : Dadou Category: +G to L > Hunter x Hunter Views: 4595 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money for the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 10
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This chapter was also difficult to write (Last one was... well.. trust me, difficult). And I don't know why next one's a bitch. But after that I got all somewhat written, so hence my intent in making this a weekly update. But I dont promise anything... la la la

It's on purpose but.. he he, chapters keep getting longer and longer! do tell me if you don't like this.

Disclaimer: Don't Own H x H. But I love it.

CHAPTER XI: x THE AWAKENING x

Gon was observing the sea… the sun rising, gently touching the tanned skin on his shoulders. And far off there was an island.

On its cliff there was a silhouette.

He was overcome with a certainty. Outlined against the dawning, sky, at the edge of the green cliff, that figure, it had to be Ging. As Gon stood to stare, the figure, draped in those vast clothes of his, turned to face him. And as far as he was, the man reached a hand.

Find me Gon

And Gon smiled.

So he was exactly as he'd imagined

I will Ging.

Gon felt the sun warming his closed eyelids… it was a nice feeling. And close by, Killua's scent. He decided to stretch longly.

It was itching him, the need to go and check if they were near an island with a cliff. He yawned and sat in the bed. And he looked lazily at Killua, at his side.

He seemed fast asleep, curled on himself…

Covered as if he was freezing.

He did seem tired. Kurapica had been right about that.

Only then he remembered. Oh no!

And he hesitated. Should he wake him up?

Yeaaah

"Killua! Killua! We missed it!"

Nope. No answer. It was unusual for the hyper vigilant ex-assassin, but he wouldn't give up, or you don't know Gon Freecs.

"Killua! Ki—llu—aa—"

Albino deep in sleep. Gon took his shoulder gently, to shake him.

"killu-"

And next thing he knew he was on the floor.

Uh? Oh, Killua had pushed him a bit violently. The albino sat there, his eyes wide open. He stood disoriented for some moments, taking the scene. Suddenly he understood.

"sorry Gon..." He whispered weakly

"what were you dreaming of? The ring tower?" Gon inquired as he broke into his usual smile again, returning to their bed. And doing so he remembered his objective. "Oh right! Killua, we forgot to watch the sunrise! And I did not wake you up"

Killua seemed lost for some seconds before he remembered.

"Right..." he said faintly "Well, I did not wake you up either..." His voice sounded hoarse.

Killua closed his eyes feeling pain on the wrist. God. Was that still not on place?

Suddenly pain crushed through his body.

He winced and curled again underneath the blankets. Coming up with some quite creative swearings inside his head in the process. PAAAAIN

Where was his blessed mechanism now eh?

He tried to find again the warm numbness in which he'd been floating just a while ago. He HATED mornings.

"Hey let's get breakfast and go out again!" Gon's radiant call came as if from underwater…

"-I need to check for a particular island like seriously, and we could show Kurapica and Leorio all that we saw yesterday also and-."

But he'd stumbled with the the albino's grimace half concealed by the pillows.

"…..sorry Gon ...but I... feel sick" and the voice under the blankets sounded like sandpaper to the albino because of its frailty. Ugh.

Well... at least he wasn't lying. Expected silence and-

"you are sick?"

The albino felt a weight by his side and a hand checking his forehead temperature.

"oh no." Gon's eyes widened a bit "I think you might have a fever"…

Figures.

Killua looked up. And he loosened up a little in those chocolate honey eyes.

"damn Killu, you have the flu. That would explain why your voice is so hoarse- wow you're shivering…"

Right. He'd been chattering… how mundane. It was just because he'd felt the cold air outside, and their bed was so warm. Tiredness closed his eyes to cast out Gon's outrageously unbelieving face.

"You are sick"

"mmm"

"Why?"

"mmm"

Gon wasn't satisfied.

"You are sick probably because we swam till late... I'm so sorry killu!"

"I threw you to the water first. Don't take my win" he said faintly.

"I shouldn't have bugged you to drive till so late..." gon hesitated.

"hah. That was fun"

"But how are you sick? You must feel awful! How can you be sick? What should I do? "

"Gon, trust me I've been worse."

He knew this was just his mind lacking a bit in training after all. His body had allowed the fever to creep in.

But Gon had already taken out from the closet another quilt and had frantically thrown it over his friend.

He didn't know how to handle a situation where Killua was sick. He was never sick. "Do you need anything? Of course you do, I'll bring you breakfast, and...and look in the mess for your game boy! And I'll make sure Kurapica comes here to check you- Or Leorio! I'd forgotten He's a doctor no?" all words jumped at Killua so hyper it made the corner of his mouth lift a little.

" -SO first-first-first I'll start cleaning for them guys to come here!" Gon said critically.

"...have to see that" Killua murmured.

Gon dived heroically into the monstrous mess of a room they had, as he repeated outloud his to-do chores. Killua noted how he managed to leave behind a messier assortment of magazines and dirty laundry...

He... He felt pain…. And so he rested his eyes on Gon…

On his side of the room, Gon felt a bit guilty. It was like the time he'd intoxicated Killua with his cooking. The raven put in a corner all the empty pizza cardboards, thinking how, seriously, he was a danger sign that had grown legs; No wonder some Zoldicks thought he was not the best influence for their heir… leave it to him to manage to poison and make sick a terminator in the span of three years.

On the corner of his mind Gon felt somewhat a bit discouraged… he didn't want to admit it but he'd been looking forward to go out on the adventure today. Maybe a bit too much. It was difficult to pretend he hadn't been expecting it, to find some clue of Gin on the islands.

That was their real quest. That had always been their real quest, since that night on Whale Island by the fire, where they'd come to an agreement. Netero's mission was just an excuse meanwhile they searched on the exact locations they needed too go.

He looked at Killua. Oh, right, concentrate island-boy. Or that nickname Killua used to call him… Ok Gon, you have a sick friend. What should he do?

"I'm calling Leorio right now" Gon adopted a commanding voice, as he searched for the cell phone around the mess.

He barely missed Killua murmuring a negative.

"uh?"

"No doctor" he muttered.

"Of course doctor"Gon dismissed him with patience, still searching.

"I don't need it."

" like doh you do!"

"that even a phrase?" Killua murmured playfully

"Yes. And yes doctor " Determination marking his movements.

"...Kurapica would get a toothache with your grammar, boy"

"don't detour me! You have to see a doctor! I order so!" assertiveness weighed his command, but then he heard a faint giggle "Now what"

"'detour'" The albino giggled weakly. Pain always stitching its way higher... crisscrossed with Gon's voice and his funny words and he was so tired...

" what with it?"

"its a weird word" Killlua grinned with sleepy eyes. And he giggled. "detoour". Where his throat was raw and his back sore, the giggles crept further.

"Ok. Now I'm really worried" Gon stated. On his hand was finally the graced cellphone, that now was being dialed. But a control remote was tossed at him with dexterity. The offensive succesfully managed to knock away the gadget from Gon's hands. Gon stared from the dismantled pieces on the floor to Killua's face, but this one halted him.

"Forget it. No Doctor. And I'm sleeping now"

"GEEZ" Gon exhaled. "Ok...you sleep now" he sat " I'll bring Leorio later. "

"No" Gon heard his voice muffled from under the covers.

"Yes you must see the doctor Killua! He'll give you medicine!"

Killua bursted out laughing and only then Gon realized he was actually echoing Mitosan. Wow.

He thought the moment would never come. Rolling his eyes he placed a hand again over the boy's forehead to check his temperature.

He had a fever. And Gon felt an unfamiliar tug on his chest. Worry?... His silver hair fell messily over his brow...Almost unconciously, he tenderly caressed some strands away from his face.

But Killua closed his eyes tightly, disturbed.

"Don't…Don't do that"

The known pang of guilt sank him further in the bed….but right now he couldn't stand the thought of being ...touched...

Not... and Gon's interrupted gesture hung in the air for a fleeting moment... Killua exhaled, feeling the room swaying on its own volition. He knew there in the bed lied his body sewn to this dark vocabulary... meanings that were threatening but somberly familiar, they lingered where his skin ceased being his own, where phantom traces encripted a whole depth of things that wouldn't be verbalized. And who cared, they were too darkly tangled to begin to unravel.. not now, not at least with a sore back, a raw throat and a dead mind.

Gon was examining him with honeyed humble eyes...

"Ok " And his eyes had been scared, something seldom seen there. So sitting down he added, almost to himself, a determined "You'll be fine."

That was always the operation he ran in his mind. Something dark couldn't be true, wouldn't be true for him, therefore it wasn't. His voice was so serious and sure he made you believe it. Sure. He'd be fine. Why not?

He did not deserve a Gon taking care of him. Nor bringing him breakfast and all he'd said. He wondered if the Whale Island kid would dare touch him had he known what had happened.

Suddenly last night washed bitterness to his mouth. And with it he felt the pain beginning to grow from bothersome to the slightest unbearable…

Gon was telling him his dreams and wonders as he changed in front of him while talking, while Killua listened from afar. Never had they minded with things like that. They both were comfortable in the familiarity they'd created for each other….He'd had to find an excuse to change his clothes in the bathroom for some time.

He gave up on choosing a lie, his actual state of mind depriving him of his usual cunning liar side. He'd leave it to later…

There went the days of swimming shirtless.

Gon was laughing at something…

The albino took every word, every expression and smile as an opportunity to sidetrack his mind. Closing down tabs and windows overlaid in his head and slicing his nerves, closing the dull stabs that crept up bothering him like alarm pop ups..

Focus…

Almost all of Gon's outfits were green.

He tried one of the like again...

But there it was again, words that came and went, and only Gon's eyes that surfaced in between the winding pain...

Killua closed his eyes. He felt pain all over his body. His sinews and ligaments, the flesh over his bones, his very bones to the marrow under incandescent dull pain. Agh...patience. His muscles groaned like having been stung by bees. Or aflame in the kind of throb you feel when your fingers get squeezed on the hinges of a door. That whitewashed pain, permeating different surfaces against his back and navel, burning at the gash on his hip and down there... it waved to the background of his mind with dullness, to pierce sharply to the front by every faint movement. Draining out every ounce of patience and will he possessed...

...He did not want to touch his wrist, he did not want to move at all, but to stay still, still. Still in nothingness.

Not to think or feel again.

" So i guess it was just a dream...weird huh?" but he caught Killua's violet eyes that now stared emptily ahead.

"Ki-llu-aa" Gon appeared in his field of vision suddenly. "...so I guess it was a boring dream"

"uh? no"

"where you hearing?"´

One eyebrow raised, Gon dared him with those caramel eye the albino had never been able to lie to...

"Sorry... I...am so tired.." . Gon smiled warmly.

"Then you sleep now. I'll go bring breakfast" The tanned boy began to leave.

"no wait,"

Gon looked back,

"Gon…" he breathed… pain was horribly sharpening all edges… "ah, don't leave "

The inquisitive gaze was not met. But after some moments Gon sat beside him…

"I will wait until you fall asleep. Its early anyways…Meanwhile I'll look for your game boy"

He received that tilted smile, as those violet eyes sleepily thanked him...

Those eyes and Gon almost forgot about the island with the cliff he'd wanted to chase off.

"Sleep"

He barely nodded... before allowing himself to lose the bare thread of consciousness he'd been holding so tight.

Wires and cables cover all his body. He's wearing shorts and nothing more. He feels the bruises, the belt lines. Today's practice has taken hours longer. He was hanging, his body limp with exhaustion - a discharge of electricity ran through his small body. Pain. It's a dull second were all the signal occupying his brain is seeking freedom of the pain. Let it end. He can't breathe. But he doesn't scream.

The horrible pain connects a ray of electricity to his wrist and the pain worsens. Then it stops. Drowsy he calls again "Let me out bro. It doesn't hurt me anymore. Just cut it out-" and his voice is that of a child…just interrupted by doubling pain. And he learns that it could get more intense. Cause there was always room for something more painful, more horrible and dark. Another discharge and he finds himself biting his lip to avoid the scream. His wrist can't stand that electricity it's horrible. But it is. It is set higher, the voltage. And he knows finally that cord snap inside and he is giving him what he wants. He is screaming. For the longest seconds all his mind knows is the pain. Let him die…

Through the haze he hears his father screaming somewhere, since long it was enough, you'll kill him, a slap to Illumi. The words fade, pain.

But he's only left with the sensation that Illumi won.

Again.

And again.

He woke up with a start. He'd been screaming… He took the scene in front of him wide eyed without understanding. He was being shaken by Gon, who was repeating his name. Suddenly realization hit him. He was on his room. He'd been dreaming.

As if someone had adjusted the volume, he heard Gon's voice.

"Killua!"

And suddenly he realized- he was shaken- Gon was shaking him still-touching his shoulder-hand

Oh!

And he jumped out of the bed, freaked out. He landed three feet away from where Gon was.

Pain!

And he felt to his knees as pain shot through his spine.

Ugh..

He was in their room. The clock generously informed him it was hour and a half later.

So he'd fallen asleep.

And Gon couldn't touch him yet, he had to take a shower first. Mandatory. Whatever he felt that would kill the real immediate… dirt.

"Killua! Are you alright? You were screaming!" Gon attempted to come closer again, but stopped, not knowing if Killua wanted him near in violent-disoriented-mode.

Killua read his confusion and tried to breathe.

"I'm sorry. I just.. I'm... sorry. I was..." he laughed out of breath "just dreaming about battling Illumi... Can you believe it?" he said, trying to imprint nonchalance to his voice as he let his back fall against a wall.

Somehow the first thing that came to his mind had been the truth.

"Wow!" Gon plopped in front of him with wide eyes. "How epic!" His eyes were caramel pools. Killua smiled.

"Totally"

"Was it too terrible?"

"neh"

"You were screaming"

"… well yeah.." Killua felt embarrassed. He hadn't had one of those dreams for years. The dream wasn't much he thought. He did not know why it scared him so…

He was still surprised at his own boldness, saying the truth like that.

"...Is he still around here, on the ship?" Gon suddenly asked.

"Lets hope no" Killua whistled, feeling honest sincerity weighing his voice as he felt his back against the cool wall…

Gon was now examining him intently

"what"

"…so when are you going to do it?"

"what?"

"…fight him"

Killua averted his eyes to stare at the roof.

Yeah, answers were too entrenched inside him for it to be safe to look any other way. He felt stillness and silence blanketing them both.

But then Killua looked at Gon tilting his grin "I should have asked that to the chocolate ladies"

Gon smiled. He suddenly stood up in front of Killua and extended him a hand.

"Come, go back to bed now"

Killua nodded. The jump had been an idea his body was protesting loudly against. He still was in pain. But then he shook his head.

"Bathroom yours in fifteen, I'll take a shower"

"oh, but not now! I'm bringing you breakfast! Besides you'll get even sicker with your hair wet" Gon protested. Wow, so he really activated his Mitosan like mode no?

Suddenly he realized Killua fidgeted with his sleeve as he stood up slowly.

"I just really need it... I feel the salt of the sea itching my skin" not exactly the sea. He blocked it.

"Mmm…ok… but Kurapica is coming in to check you soon with Leorio. Try take a short shower. And then I'll come back so we can have breakfast together."

Killua felt slightly cornered. He had to avoid the checkup. He barely heard when Gon said good bye to go out on his errands. He meditated as he headed for the bathroom.

Stupid fever, he cursed it, just a childhood mecanism damn remnant.

It had been a way of passive aggressiveness outlet; his patient way of protesting against the training he was submitted day to day in his earlier childhood . He ran a high fever. He didn't control it, yes. But it did came quite handy when he pursued being allowed to rest.

It was rendered ineffective though as training escalated. And so, as if his body had been wise, he' never had a fever again after he got the message it wouldn't take him anywhere.

It had grown into a childhood story they told him about himself…he'd never been sick after that. Vulnerability was an idea he'd learned to despise along the years.

Maybe that's why he was drawn from the beginning to Gon...

It was not that Gon wasn't vulnerable. It was that he was so…while being as well strong…while blinding all with that strength.

Or something more complex he decided he was too tired to fathom.

Maybe he could feign being asleep by the time Leorio arrived, so they would not bother him until he woke up. Which would be a day after, when he would act as if being perfectly fine so no one would think he was still sick.

He had already admitted to himself, very against his will, that he needed at least a day of being left at peace. Right now he felt his every bone was aching. And a serious lack of disconnection. It was as if he'd made a regression in all his capacities. It was as if he was weak. And he wasn't. Or he was. And he felt the familiar hate akin to that last word.

He dragged himself into the shower in a bad mood. He closed the bathroom door. And he put lock…and took off his pajama top to stare at his back… at the carved word…

Puppet

He reeled his thoughts away of the meaning under the cut. He turned the water on to the hottest, so that all could get killed by the heat. He stepped in.

And he closed his eyes, just letting the droplets fall… and finally, too pained and dizzy of standing so long, he slid to the floor.

He poured a ton of shampoo on his hair. He rinsed the silver strands again and again.

He only had one good hand it seemed. He took the slippery soap and rubbed it strongly against his skin. AGH. He was in pain everywhere. Too kneel, to sit… But slowly he was relearning how to let the pain be as he laid on the shower floor.

He reinitiated his system again and again to find somewhere will.

He rubbed his chest, and the wound in his navel stung from afar. He rubbed his waist, his thighs… his back. The most painful cut burned on his hip to the contact of soap. Finally he brushed his teeth under the shower. He felt his throat raw, despite all the toothpaste added again and again, it was still raw. He.. felt covered in the black shadow that his brother...overcast...and... But he knew that feeling was something different from the real filth..

He sighed. He needed to get out of there fast if he wanted to feign sleep.

He dried himself and put on some new pajamas just because. The effort of all his moves making him decide he wouldn't leave his bed today.

He planned on throwing away the dirty clothing, all of it, burn it.

As he planned these details he left the bathroom. But his thoughts were stopped mid-track as Kurapica and Leorio patiently stood there sitting respectively on couch and little chair. They'd been reading an old newspaper and were commenting when Killua smiled glad to see him.

Fuck

"Hey there, how are you doing fellow?" Leorio stood up to greet him.

"yo"

"hi Killua" Kurapica said brightly.

"Soo...I knew your idea to escape with Gon for a small adventure that late was reckless!" Leorio adjusted his glasses.

Kurapica sighed knowingly.

"Ah,save your breath, It won't halt them from doing it again"

"Yup. Listen to the blond" Killua added. Inwardly his mind raced for an escape. Breakfast or too tired, or busy, but with what?

"Gon was hyperventilating about you being sick. Lets see what you've got" Leorio turned onto serious matters, clasping his hands. Kurapica snuggled comfortably on the leather couch.

"Can I stay here while you're checked?"

"Actually guys, I don't need this. And I really want to sleep. No means to sound rude but don't worry and go have breakfast" he winked at the pair.

"Your voice...does your throat hurt?" Kurapica inquired.

"i'm fine" Killua had paled imperceptibly as he dismissed it with a wave of his hand.

"Ah, let's get done with it now, I brought my suitcase and all" the doctor insisted.

"Unnecessary. Gon seriously overreacted"

"But he is right, you do look awful… let Leorio check your temperature at least" Kurapica interceded.

Killua whistled. "Concerning aesthetics I don't know, but I'm an ex assassin so believe me, I've got a nice health insurance. I'm fine"

"Oh yeah! Concerning aesthetics, by the way, there are two girls parked outside waiting for you to go out" Leorio smirked. "and there are others in the ship forming the club! It's outrageous! you and Gon are taking out all our possible catches! And you're underage!"

"Our 'catches'?" Kurapica said a little vexed "girls are not my priority right now if you must know Leorio, I find that quite a puerile activity" The Kuruta had popped an eyebrow

"you find girls to be a puerile activity, so I guess boys it is then uh? And somehow it didn't come out as unexpected …" Killua grinned as Leorio bursted out laughing. Kurapica sighed and ignored them.

"I did not meant it that way. And right now I would punch you. But Gon wouldn't be happy, no?"

The undertone implied was barely missed by the zoldyck.

"That moron outside is just a pussy when he sees me tired"

"You don't feel sick?" Leorio asked frowning.

"I'm fine."

"Killua" The blond faced him "you haven't seen yourself in the mirror. I've never seen you this...pale. You're like a ghost with black rings under his eyes. You look feverishly sweaty, and you're voice is gravel... You're not on drugs are you?"

Leorio laughed at this as Killua's eyebrows jumped to hide entirely under his bangs

"Of course not" he answered annoyed.

"Nah, Kurapica, it's probably a flu. Killua, I just need to know if its viral or not , if I give you antibiotics or other meds. The sooner the better" Leorio smiled reassuringly while attempting to check his forehead temperature. Killua flinched away a little disturbed.

"hey, you're hot.."Leorio said worried

"The girls outside are of the same opinion"

"Killua get serious. This is never a good sign. I'm pretty sure you have a fever"

" Ah" He exhaled "I was quite eager to take it as a compliment"

Kurapica eyed him and tried to touch his forehead, but the boy retreated a little.

"Ok Guys. So maybe I have a little fever. But I really don't need this entire circus around me. If I feel bad I'll go to the infirmary, but thankyou very much, i'm the one taking care of my back"

As if a Zoldick would go to an infirmary.

Leorio looked at the pale boy, as if trying to see something on his look. It unnerved Killua. Kurapica however continued.

"I think that in this one I trust Leorio more than a ship nurse" he said kindly. "don't you?"

"I don't need medical attention of any type!"

"And what if Gon poisoned you again without knowing?"Leorio retorted

"then I'll send him to Siberia for some twelve years. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get my breakfast and sleep. You'll see me as new tomorrow so buh-bye" he said as he went to open for them the door.

But Kurapica rolled his eyes, blocking his path "and here we were thinking Gon was the stubborn one" He sighed

"Look Killua, we have to see what you got first"

"Can't it wait until breakfast?"

" Maybe you can't eat but crackers if it's an infection on your stomach, or maybe you can't eat of a determined specie of food, because you could be reacting to an allergy or maybe-"

"shall I quote Gon about the parenting?..." Killua said snapping suddenly

There was a brief silence.

Leorio opened his suitcase.

"Kurapica, don't worry, I'll check him right now. But if you mind, could you leave the room? I saw Gon pretty anxious with all this and now he is outside in the kitchens all by himself. He practically thinks Killua is going to die or something."

"Well, with those bags under his eyes, I understand him" Kurapica yawned and stretched. "Good luck Killua" He eyed him and left swiftly.

Killua felt his death sentence being raised. A moment of silence followed. Leorio looked at him thoughtfully.

"Ok Killua… You are frightened, I can tell" He said seriously.

Killua sighed, his hands in his pockets. Some years of comradeship could do wonders.

But then Leorio grinned "Probably you've never been to a medical checkup, so I tell you, right now, there's nothing to worry. On this part there won't be syringes, or weird stuff. It's quite simple. I want to hear your heart and hear you breath, and then I'll take your temperature ok? In your case, I don't think anything more will be needed."

Killua internally swore.

"like that you'll let me be?"

"yes"

Killua thought. He did not know how to free himself of this one. What could he say? How could he-

Leorio had taken his shoulder and he'd instinctively cringed and pulled it away. Leorio released him disconcerted.

"sorry…I was distracted…." Killua muttered. Still a bit edgy it seems.

"Don't worry. I need you to sit down"

He sat on the bed hesitantly. He felt the fever clouding his thoughts. How could he get out of this. That's what you should be thinking. Not paralyzing. Leorio took from his suitcase a stethoscope.

"Ok, I need you to lift your shirt, or take it off"

No

It wasn't necessary for him to say it out loud, his aghast expression comunicated it all. Leorio thought it was quite familiar to the one the albino put when he'd tried something distasteful.

Leorio sighed " I'll be easier for me to hear your heart and your breathing. Particularly your breathing" the doctor pointed worried. Only then the albino realized he was breathing with difficulty. Bruised rib? Some boring shit of the sort.

"You know Leorio, all this is crap really, it's not necessary"

He stood again

"It is. If you don't take care for yourself, at least do it for the fan club outside. And for Gon. Now come, let me see" Leorio approached the boy. And for a moment Killua froze. Suddenly his only reaction was to retreat. And suddenly his steps swayed as the room spun dizzy .

He supported himself on a wall.

"Killu-"

"no"

"uh?why-"

"I'm sorry Leorio, I really want to sleep"

"But-"

"lets do this other day.. I don't think I feel comfortable with lifting my shirt. I get embarrassed easily heh"

"But I've seen you before, you don't seem to have problems with that when you fish with Gon"

"Oh, but this is different." Killua said desperately " This is a medical checkup!" it even came out funny

His heart was racing. It made him dizzier by the moment

Leorio grinned,

"ok now it's not so terrible!" those words, they started to sound as if far off. He clung again to control. But Leorio approached him again and Killua backed to the wall mechanically, alarm crisping him.

"what the...it's not like I'm going to hurt you" Leorio frowned.

Killua raced.. he had to invent an indifferent casual line, the kind of lines he always came up with.. But his eyelids were heavy, his mind so… clouded…

"I …don't want this"

Leorio observed him. He felt a certain lack of air.

"Why"

"I just don't"

"...Killua sit"

Leorio approached the boy… but he tensed up alarmed. The doctor's brow creased

" You're dizzy"

"I'm fine" he snapped

Leorio bit his lip.

"Ok. You win. I really need to check on your fever please, so you know what? lets do this: I'll put the stethoscope over your clothing and you can put the thermometer yourself . You won't have to lift your shirt ok?"

Killua hesitated. If it had to get done… then it was probably the only way of coming out of a checkup without… having to answer tedious questions that held no answer. Killua calculated…and felt the dizziness waving up.

But Leorio's eyes stood his gaze. And he slowly nodded. The doctor as if aware of Killua's alertness, approached slowly and motioned Killua to sit down on the bed.

He did.

The doctor then sat next to him

" Killu, I'll now hear you breath okay?"

Killua nodded. As if somewhere else. Get this done with. Get this done with.

Leorio passed one of his hands down the albino's back to smooth the wrinkles. His shoulder blades tensed under his palm. So he hastened to the stethoscope on his covered back and stood silent.

"Ok, Killu. Breath"

Killua breathed

His heart was racing.

fuck. Let him not hear it, don't hear it don't hear it"

"Exhale slowly."

Killua did so and felt some difficulty…

"breath again" and Killua breathed..

"...I'm sorry"

and Leorio lifted his shirt up.

Gon hadn't reached the kitchens... He was outside, by the ship's handrail.

Staring at the endless sea.

It was a brilliant morning

… the sky streaked by some faint clouds…

He'd began his trail of thought with the search of a cliff island but he'd ended up on other serious matters.

And now, after all the thinking he'd done, he'd settled only in deciding when had he started to like him… He tried to go back. Had it been when they'd been at the ring tower? Had it been that night at whale island? Or when he rolled on his skate the first time?

He'd been there, with Wing-San and Zushi in the stands, the day Killua fought for the first time seriously with one of the 200th floor masters. The other fighter had been on a wheel chair and seemed quite a nothing until he displayed the electricity.

Sincerely Gon had been excited. Both of them shared that; the thrill that comes of testing oneself when your life is on the line. And he knew Killua was having his toll of fun because of that. And yet, being at the other side- the spectator- he'd learned a new feeling he hadn't been able to place.

He hadn't been expecting- like the entire audience that Ooohed -the electricity. At the exact moment Killua was electrified and the crowed held its breath, he'd sprung to his feet in a wave of protectiveness. It had proven quite unnecessary, as Killua nonchalantly won the dumbass without even moving from his square meter. It was even more enjoyable- for Gon- that when he did that kind of stuff-win fights and kick asses- a darker side of Killua sprung playfully in the corner of his smirk.

Since then, too many battles had passed for Gon to count. He only knew with certainty that each time his friend fought, that feeling of protectiveness arose as clear as that first time. And yet the protectiveness faded the moment both played their life on the edge together. Honestly having fun. Like on Greed Island. Feeling the thrill. Then it was just like following a well synchronized pattern, where each other's move was anticipated, as they threw at each other helps and had fun while their lives could be never guaranteed…

A bet they always took together…

Now...It was as if..

As if Killua had taken a bet alone.

For a second, that was what he's sensed . At that moment on the room. When he'd stumbled with that... empty lost stare.

He felt cold inside his chest...

He sighed. And maybe he'd been wrong...to cast all under what he felt...

Kurapica had flopped at his side.

"hey Gon" he smiled

"hi Kurapica" Gon smiled back

"You know, there's an island you should really check…."

Gon expression changed, as his eyes brightened.

"why?" It always had been dangerous. How one-tracked could his mind be sometimes...

Kurapica laughed. "So not 'which one' first uh? Immediately to the why. Ok.."

"...I'm sorry"

No.

But Leorio had lifted his shirt up...

fuck.

Killua had quickly jumped away.

Paralyzed.

And Leorio had lifted his arms. As a guilty man.

But his eyes… Those eyes...

He averted his own. Unable to confront them. He was frozen.

A/N: Yeah...cliffie.

I corrected this like really late at night. Tomorrow I'll recheck it, but meanwhile, Im sorry if you find any mistake... If you're kind to point them out, I'll give you a hug

Poll: Who of you are reading the manga's new chapters now?
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Heh Killua