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Northern Waters	By : Domina_Ecca Category: +G to L > Hetalia: Axis Powers Views: 1538 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia - Axis Powers and I'm not making profit off of this story.

Chapter List
- 10
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He was breathing hard as he carried the heavy bundles of firewood back up the hill towards his house. The small puffs of air faded before he could step through them, though the cold didn’t touch him; chopping firewood was a lot of work. But, Berwald didn’t mind in the least, he liked to be outside and he appreciated the exercise. Since he wasn’t doing as much anymore, sometimes the lack of physical exertion led to a hard time sleeping. Not tonight.
Then as he came up to the crest of the hill where his cozy house was situated, he saw something that nearly made him throw the wood down and run towards his house; there was a car parked in the driveway. There was a moment of sheer terror, then it passed, and then he realized with a grunt at his own stupidity that it was his car.
He had loaned it to Mathias and Lukas so that they could get to the safe house, but apparently they were back. He frowned deeply, and marched a bit faster. He wanted to know what was going on. Not to mention he had no idea how the hell he was going to explain the fact that Ludwig wasn’t leaving. Berwald threw the wood down against the side of the house and clapped his hands a little before heading for the front door, hardly blinking. It opened, and as he stepped in he spotted Mathias and Lukas sitting on the couch, Mathias grinning as always, and Lukas looking like he wanted to hit him as always. Then, his heart thumped once, and everything fell into slow motion. Ludwig was sitting in his chair, closest to the fireplace and the window, looking fairly relaxed. However, as he followed his gaze, he spotted someone he couldn’t have expected to see.
Tino sat on the other chair, across from Mathias and Lukas. He smiled that same smile. It was him. He was back. He was just fine. Then, he realized he was speaking, and his ears opened to catch what he was saying.
“It was actually kind of nice, being home for a bit,” Tino was saying, holding onto a cup with both hands and looked down a bit, his soft voice growing softer. “But, ah, when I asked to come back, I didn’t think we’d come back here. I thought I’d stay with you two.”
Berwald’s heart must have cracked audibly. Everyone suddenly seemed to realize that he was standing in the doorway, and as they turned, he saw Lukas’ eyes close in a painful motion. Tino made that squeal of terror that he did when Berwald appeared in a way that he thought was sudden, and everything fell silent.
He needed to leave. Now.
“Ber! Wait!”
Someone shouted, but he wasn’t sure who. It didn’t matter. He just couldn’t be there, not now. It had been a long time since he’d actually ran, but that’s what he did. He whirled around and leapt out the door, flying down the hill at a pace that even shocked himself. It didn’t matter. None of it. He just needed to get away.
“Berwald!” that sounded like Mathias.
He didn’t care. He ran faster, heading for the trees. He knew his way around his land better than any creature. Weaving between the trees like a hunted animal, he tried to think, but it was futile. He wanted to be somewhere safe, but where was that? Not his goddamn house. When his legs finally began to weaken and he began to slow, he decided it would be okay to stop. If anyone bothered to follow him, they wouldn’t find him this far out. He was alone.
Slowing until he leaned against a tree to stop himself, his heavy breathing drowned out all the sounds of the forest, making it feel almost surreal, like he wasn’t really there. It was only then that he realized his eyes were struggling to hold back tears. Well, no one would see it here. He ignored the burning in his eyes and instead turned his attention to what had injured him so quickly.
So Tino had come back…but not to see him. He wasn’t happy with him, maybe he never had been. The thought was sickening, but not worse than the realization that Tino had left an apparently happy place to come back and be with Lukas and Mathias, but specifically not him. Everything about that hurt in ways he had no way of guarding against. He pressed his hand to his mouth and doubled over slightly, putting the other hand against the tree to hold himself up. He almost couldn’t feel the cold. It all just seemed to have come out of nowhere, and so fast. Berwald had been in brawls that hadn’t happen so fast nor hurt as bad. Trying to gather himself up a bit, he put his hands to both sides of his head as he sat back on his heels and began to breathe deep, shaky breaths.
Berwald swallowed and tried to figure out what he knew. Tino didn’t want to live with him. It hurt like hell knowing that he might never have known that, but he accepted it as best he could. That meant the small Fin wanted to live with Mathias and Lukas. Well, good. Maybe it would help keep the peace with them for a bit. He didn’t see either of them as much as he used to, so maybe it would mean he wouldn’t have to see Tino as much, either. Despite how much he had hoped to see him again, the thought of even standing near him now made him physically sick.
He grunted and shook his head. Alright. So that was that. What would happen now?
Well, he would have to drag himself back home. It was his home, after all. Lukas and Mathias might have already left with Tino once they saw his reaction, not to mention the roads were always harder to see this time of year after dark. If they were still there, then what? He tried to imagine walking back into the house, bypassing everyone in the living room, and going straight to bed. He was alright with how that looked in his head. Then, what about when Ludwig came to bed?
Oh shit. Ludwig. Berwald slapped himself in the face. He had no idea about Tino. How could he ever explain this? What had happened? As far as he knew, Lukas was the only one who was really aware of the way he felt about Tino; the Fin himself was too fucking scared to look at him and Mathias was too busy being obnoxious to notice. Lukas would never tell, would he? Would he explain to them why he ran out of his own house? Or how badly Tino’s words had hurt him? Lukas was quick and observant, and he wondered how long it would be until he realized what was between him and Ludwig. Would he feel Ludwig had a right to know?
Either way, in the disastrous mess of his mind, one thought was clear; he wanted to go to bed. He resolved that that was what he would do.
Pulling himself upright and wiping his eyes roughly though only a tear or two escaped, he settled his glasses on his face and began the trek back. No matter what happened, he would just march straight to the bedroom, change, and go to sleep. Nothing else.
The sun had set when he had been coming home, now the sky was darkening considerably, and he was nearly shivering. Winter was coming fast along with the night, he felt it in his bones. Everything else was too fucking cold to feel anything.
His house seemed to appear much sooner than it should have, and as he approached he saw that the car was still there. With a deep, terrified breath, he narrowed his eyes and went to the front door. It opened, much the same as it had before, but the sound of conversation didn’t reach his ears this time. He couldn’t stand to look towards the living room, so he entered, shut the door behind him, and marched down the hallway without glancing up. Lukas’ low voice mumbled something, but he ground it out and entered his bedroom, shutting the door loudly behind him. He kicked off his boots with a sudden and pointless irritation and then stripped down and put on pajama bottoms and t-shirt.
The front door opened, and he sighed quietly, glad that they finally took the hint that he didn’t want to talk to them. Then he climbed into his bed, subconsciously sliding over to one side as he had for quite a few nights, and stared at the wall. He didn’t close his eyes, as it would only reinforce his hearing, and he didn’t want to hear what was going on. It didn’t matter anymore.
There was relative silence for a moment, and then he heard the front door shut and lock. After that, a pair of feet he already knew to be Ludwig’s came quietly down the hall. They paused outside his door as if debating, but then the door opened. In a strange way, Berwald found himself relieved that Ludwig had come to him.
“Ber?” Ludwig’s accent wasn’t as thick now, after hearing the Scandinavians talk for what must have been at least an hour.
He didn’t know what to say, so he grunted in acknowledgement.
The German shut the door and approached the bed, climbing on, and then crawling over to him on his knees.
“I talked to Lukas, just a second ago, when the others were gone.” he said and swallowed. “He told me about Tino,”
Berwald didn’t speak or move; it was all he could do to hold himself together.
“I’m so sorry,” his voice fell to a whisper. “I didn’t know,”
“’S not yer fault,” he muttered, and even in those few words, it was easy to hear that his voice was broken.
Ludwig’s soft, warm hand touched his arm, and then he gasped. “You’re freezing,”
In a single motion, Ludwig had covered them both with blankets and was wrapping himself around him, pressing his chest to his back and conveying his heat to him. It was a simple but caring act, and it made Berwald want to cry even more than before.
Slowly, he reached around and clasped Ludwig’s arm as it rested around him. It was a stupid gesture, but, it was all he could think to do. The German curled up behind him sighed softly at the touch, and nuzzled him with his nose. He let out a heavy breath, feeling himself sink deeper into the bed.
“Hey, Ber?” Ludwig asked timidly after a minute.
“Mm?”
“Do…do I have to leave now?”
Berwald rolled over and faced him. “Huh?”
“Well, with the others, I mean, I just,” he looked down, stuttering.
Watching that strong man stutter and fumble was utterly adorable, and so Berwald decided to forget everything else for a bit, and wrapped his arms around Ludwig and pulled him to his chest.
“Ya don’t have to go. Ever.” he said into his nearly combed hair.
Ludwig sighed in relief and hugged him back, pressing his face into his nightshirt. “Thank you, Berwald.”
He grunted and then shyly pressed his lips to his head. He liked the way he could feel Ludwig’s cheeks get hot. Still, he felt the smaller man snuggle adorably against his chest, although he would have denied he did such a thing, and after only a few more moments, despite everything, he was able to fall asleep.
Maybe it was pure luck that he had been out cutting wood that day.
The next day Lukas called early in the morning. Ludwig had still been in bed. He apologized for the day before and Berwald simply grunted. It was strange, but somehow it felt as if the pain was taken farther away from him now. He couldn’t really explain it, but it just wasn’t as close anymore. Lukas said that he and Mathias, and another he didn’t name, would still be staying at the safe house rather than down in the village he lived next to. He said he knew that Ludwig wasn’t leaving, but apparently there was still reason to be wary. He encouraged him to remain inside, as he always did.
Berwald sighed when they got off the phone.
“Morning,” Ludwig appeared in the kitchen with a sleepy yawn and a stretch.
Berwald grunted and tried to loosen his shoulders and the grip on his coffee, unaware that he had become so tense.
As he was staring down at his pale knuckles, trying to remember how to go about getting them to let go of the handle, he felt a sudden brush of warmth against his cheek, and then realized that Ludwig had given him a kiss. A good morning kiss. His hand fell limply on the table with a soft thump.
The German appeared not to notice his surprise and got his own coffee, then he sat down next to him, scooted closer, and touched his hand.
“How are you feeling?” he asked looking into his eyes with genuine concern.
He was still rather stunned from the kiss, and so he just blinked stupidly, but then his brain caught up and he sat forward a bit, clearing his throat. “Better,”
Ludwig squeezed his hand but didn’t say anything else as they drank their coffees in silence.
Being quiet with Ludwig was nice, but a different kind of nice from when he had been quiet with Tino. He forced himself not to wince. With Tino, he could still feel tension, but it was as if they had simply gotten used to it. Now, there was no tension. He felt strangely at ease, and whenever he looked at Ludwig, he looked as relaxed as if he had been in his own home. Still, he felt something on his mind, and after a bit, decided they should just talk about it.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
Ludwig’s head jerked up, his eyebrows raised like he hadn’t heard him, but then they lowered to an understanding, if not sympathetic expression.
“Don’t say that. It all, is understandable,” he told him, if not with a bit of hesitation.
Berwald sighed and looked towards the window that he had pushed the curtains away from.
“Hey,” his hand was suddenly against his cheek, turning his face back.
Berwald was tempted to close his eyes and just melt away into the touch, but he allowed his eyes to be directed back to Ludwig.
“Don’t be sorry, for anything,” he told him, and then leaned forward and kissed his cheek again before kissing his forehead and then his lips softly.
That sweet German was going to be the death of him, and not in the way he would have expected from a German.
- 10
- 11
- 12
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Northern Waters