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Levi's Recollections	By : konokoz Category: +. to F > Attack on Titan /Shingeki No Kyojin Views: 1002 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin or any of the characters. This story is purely for entertainment, and I am not profiting from it.

Chapter List
- 10
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He never asked for help. I never offered it. He managed to do almost everything he used to do on his own with the same slow calmness. But when it was time for him to sheer that scraggly mess from around his bruised lip and chin, after they kept him locked up and beat him, I watched him struggle to get ready to shave. Trying to gather the wash basin and fill it with water, mix the shaving cream, and line out his tools.
It was pathetic.
“Sit down,” I said, giving in to this pitiful display. “I’ll do it.”
He looked genuinely surprised by my offer. “You think you can do it right?”
“Tch. I know how to shave. Plus, I see you do it all the time.” I got the bowl and other materials from him and put them on the table. I grabbed the thin retractable razor from the small shaving kit and opened the blade with a flourish. “I can handle it fine.”
I pointed to the chair at the table and he obediently sat. I warmed up a washrag before slapping it on his face and mixed the shaving cream.
“I like a close shave,” he said under the towel and patted his lap.
I removed the towel and spread the shaving cream around his mouth and jaw before I sat on his lap.
His hand was on my ass. It was still weird not to feel both hands.
Slowly I let the thin blade smoothly drag down a small patch of dark brown stubble on his cheek, making sure every hair was gone. Shaving was a relaxing process for me. I never feared cutting myself. I didn’t grow too much hair to begin with but when I shaved my crotch, I was precise and thorough in my work. The only thing I had to focus on was getting rid of the hair. Shaving him was the same. I did it slow and meticulously, seeing every hair and follicle on his face, careful not to nick his porcelain jawline. A little under five minutes, I was already done with his left cheek.
His face had drastically changed since the first time I met him. His blue eyes looked heavy and tired. That was how he seemed those days. Like a tired big dog. He was still bruised, a fading purple color around his eyes and cheekbone from those MP bastards roughing him up. It pissed me off.
Careful. I reminded myself.
I finished his other cheek.
Under his raised chin, his hair grew in different directions. I wonder if that was something only I knew about Erwin Smith.
Well I knew other things…
The blade effortlessly sheered down every hair as I dragged it down the length of his chin. I thought of how his skin was so white and his neck was so open. We humans really are delicate. I could end his life with my hands right now.
I connected the blade to his throat, applying more pressure where his artery lay thick and pumping with his life force waiting to be spilled out all over the wooden floor.
His worn-out blue eyes looked at me as if they read my mind.
Is this what you want Erwin? To end it all? To leave me? Well, I won’t let you go.
I continued to shave him, following the direction of the hair growth.
“Erwin,” I said, cleaning the blade on the towel. “Don’t talk. Just listen unless you want me to slit your throat by accident.”
He didn’t speak and neither did I for a few minutes, but I could tell he was waiting for me to start. I continued sliding the blade down his neck, carefully sheering off every little brown hair.
“Things are the shittiest they’ve ever been. Everything is confusing. Everyone is confused. And honestly, so am I. I’m good at reading the air. I’m good at reading other people. I have a sickening feeling that things are about to blow up in even more ways we can’t imagine.” I paused. “I’ve tried these years to live with no regrets and find something profound in all this hell I’m slicing and dicing through. Find something to cling onto so I don’t lose my sanity while watching everyone I care about get eaten in front of me, or now get killed by other people.”
I wet the blade in the lukewarm water and continued. His slump body underneath me was motionless, except for his hand petting my ass and the bulge in the front of his pants expanding more and more.
“I don’t have a dream or a vision of my own. Other than fighting titans, nothing is keeping me anchored to the cause of the survey corps, so I’ve just been latching onto you and yours. Humanity. Everyone here is fighting for something they want. Revenge. Honor. Freedom. Yet I don’t feel the need to fight for any of those things.”
“You’re basically looking for a purpose,” he said, his larynx bobbing up and down on my blade.
“I told you not to talk, idiot, unless you want your neck sliced open.”
He shut up with a cheeky grin on his face and rubbed my thigh. I wasn’t really looking for an answer to all I was saying, but if I did get one, it wouldn’t hurt.
“But I suppose I am,” I responded. “This whole time, to fight without a purpose. Does that make me a monster?”
His blue eyes blinked and carefully searched around for answer.
“There are two viewpoints to that question,” he answered, speaking as if he were in a room full of soldiers instead of sitting in a small chair in his room with half his face shaved and another guy on his lap. “First,” he said, “you only view yourself as a monster. Everyone else views you as hope, humanity’s strongest weapon. Your actions mean to save others. This whole time you’ve been fighting purposeless, but you’ve been risking your life for your comrades. That definitely doesn’t make you a monster,” he squeezed my ass reassuringly.
“Second viewpoint, if you are a monster, what’s wrong with that? As you’ve witnessed all this time, there are different types of monsters all over the place. The type of monster you are depends on what side you’re fighting for. You’re only a bad monster if you’re not on the right side. So, yes. I think you’re a monster, but not a bad one.”
“That’s still a cold thing to say.”
I was almost done.
“I think this whole time, you may not have been fighting with purpose, but you have been fighting with meaning, and I think that makes you pretty strong, not just physically,” he said. “And to fight without your own cause, because you’re selflessly fighting for other people instead, that’s pretty heroic of you,” he smiled.
“Tch. Don’t make me gag.”
“In fact, I think that really makes you the most dangerous of us all, the one that’ll make it through all of this chaos. That’s why I need you on my side till the end.”
“Is that the only reason you need me by your side?”
His smile faded a bit.
Thinking back, I suppose that was unfair to say, but hindsight is always easier to see your mistakes.
“I thought it was obvious,” he answered.
“To me, nothing with you is obvious.”
“Well if you don’t understand it by now, I guess you never will.”
He was wrong. I didn’t understand it then, but now, it was all clear.
I finished shaving him, his face was my best work.
“Done,” I said. “Want me to do the back of your hair? I promise I won’t shave you bald.”
“Maybe next time.”
But there wasn’t going to be a next time.
“But maybe you could help me with something else,” he pushed his erection against mine and kissed me.
That time, I didn’t object. No snide remark. No rebuttal. Just me and him together on his bed. Nice and slow.
- 10
- 11
- 12
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Levi's Recollections