Crash

Shuuichi was, unfortunately, awoken early by the sound of his family leaving for a day of farming. He frowned at the footsteps that seemed to be purposefully loud outside his door--probably his grandfather. //Well, at least he\'ll be gone all day. I\'ll be able to rest then.// Once the house was quiet again, he found he couldn\'t fall asleep. But...he didn\'t feel like leaving the room either. Instead he rolled over, finding his notebook and a pen.

Yuki took his time that morning; Shuuichi could use the rest anyway, he figured, and so could he. Once he was fully awake and dressed he made his way down to Shuuichi’s room, tapping lightly on the screen. \"Shuuichi? You awake?\" He let himself in before receiving an answer.

He glanced up. \"G\'morning, Yuki.\" Shuuichi quickly scribbled off the last few characters before rolling onto his side. \"Shut the door?\" //If they\'re gone for a while....//

Yuki blinked, shutting the screen behind him as he ventured further inside. \"What are you up to?\" He eyed the notebook warily.

Shuuichi grinned a bit. \"Writing,\" he replied easily. \"They woke me up early, and I was bored.\" He patted the futon, inviting the other down. \"How\'d you sleep?\"

\"All right.\" He hadn\'t slept in a futon in a while, but he\'d been reminded that he actually missed it sometimes. \"How about you?\" Still curious but apprehensive Yuki took a seat next to his lover.

He shrugged. \"Okay. It\'s a little strange.\" Shuuichi wiggled closer so his side rested against Yuki. His smile faded a bit. \"Yuki, I\'m sorry about yesterday. I\'ll try to be better tonight, okay?\"

Yuki snorted. \"It\'s all right. I just don\'t like you getting yourself worked up like that.\" He stayed still, letting Shuuichi lean against him. \"So what were you writing, anyway?\" //Though maybe I don\'t want to know.//

\"Well...some lyrics,\" he admitted, glancing up as if to see his notebook. \"They\'re not really any good yet--mostly just ideas and stuff. You know.\" Shuuichi reached out, just idly plucking at Yuki\'s sleeve. It wasn\'t even like he wanted to do anything at the moment--he knew how bad it would be if they were caught. //Not...that I\'d really mind. Grandfather would probably kick us out, and that wouldn\'t be so bad.//

\"Oh.\" Well, that certainly was the most harmless of responses he could have received. A little relieved, Yuki reached down to brush his fingers through Shuuichi\'s hair. \"Well, if you can get some work done while we\'re here, all the better.\"

Shuuichi shook his head, then stopped to keep Yuki\'s hand in his hair. \"It won\'t be any good until I get home,\" he replied. \"This...isn\'t exactly the best atmosphere for writing.\" //Keep touching me.// His eyes closed just a bit with a sigh. \"I\'m glad they’re gone now, though.\"

//Is that some kind of invitation?// But Shuuichi was right--this place had no kind of atmosphere, and he wasn\'t in any mood to start anything. He did, however, keep moving his fingers slightly, just to reassure the boy. \"It probably won\'t keep them as long as we\'d like.\"

Shuuichi sighed again and closed his eyes completely. \"Yeah. I know.\" He fell silent a moment, enjoying the calm, before he finally pushed himself upright. \"How about breakfast?\" he asked. \"They usually just have rice, but I\'m sure I could find something to fix it up better.\"

\"All right.\" Yuki dragged some of Shuuichi\'s hair over his eyes as he moved away for a moment, retrieving the boy\'s clothes so he could help him get dressed. \"It doesn\'t really matter to me, though.\"

\"Well, I want something nicer,\" he replied smartly, accepting the shirt and tugging it over his head as Yuki helped with his shorts. It took a little work, but Shuuichi managed to get himself upright, needing only to grab his lover\'s arm to help steady himself. Adjusting his crutches, he led the way out the door. \"They\'ll probably show up around lunch with whoever they have hired at the moment, but they won\'t stay long,\" he explained as he moved down the hall. \"Then they come back to clean up and rest before dinner. Pretty much, we\'re on our own until then.\" //Thank God.//

Yuki nodded vaguely as he followed Shuuichi into the kitchen. //At least I might be able to get some work done, then, if all we have to do here is rest and wait.// It didn\'t seem like such a bad thing after all. \"Did you have anything in mind?\" he asked as he started to pour water for the rice.

Shuuichi shook his head. \"I could doodle a bit with those lyrics, but I also brought some magazines and stuff.\" He hopped over to the counter holding a small bowl of rice, setting it down and resting a moment on his crutches. \"Did you want to work? They at least have electricity here, even if they don\'t believe in TV.\" Shuuichi stuck out his tongue at the idea. \"I can amuse myself if you want to do that.\"

\"That\'s fine. There doesn\'t seem to be much else to do, in any case.\"

The pair shared a breakfast of rice with pickled radish, and green tea--courtesy of Shuuichi. It was a little humbling for Yuki, being in such a traditional setting. It reminded him vaguely of the temple he\'d grown up in, with its stiff silence, and he was grateful when he and Shuuichi moved back to his room. Still, he could tell that it was affecting his writing, and rather than continue to alter his current project he decided to try writing something else, just for while they were there. Shuuichi, meanwhile, did everything he could to keep from getting too bored, with his magazines and idle doodling. Somehow, they managed to spend several hours that way.

They joined the family when they returned for lunch, sharing the meal with three other farm workers--a pair of brothers about the age of Shuuichi\'s dad, and one of their son\'s, who was closer to Yuki\'s age. Toshibuya lead the conversation, making idle comments about his grandson\'s laziness, but otherwise leaving the pair alone. Shuuichi found himself and Yuki again alone not too long after, and he chose to doze to the sounds of the author\'s keyboard.

Dinner passed rather uneventfully, to Yuki\'s surprise and relief. Shuuichi\'s grandparents were almost unusually quiet, for what little he\'d learned of them, and it made him a little nervous. He could almost feel what was about to come; someone was planning a \'talk.\' He\'d had quite a few in his experience, and already he felt a dull ache of sympathy behind his ribs when he glanced at Shuuichi. //He\'ll…be all right.// Once dinner was finished he excused himself, and as he\'d expected Shuuichi\'s mother called him back before he could follow.

\"Shuuichi.\" Tokiko stood to clear the dishes as her parents slipped out with a strange, almost excited kind of energy in their step. \"Can I have a word with you?\"

He closed his eyes, then met Yuki\'s gaze briefly. //I\'ll be...okay.// Turning, he leaned up against the wall near the kitchen rather than sit again. //I wonder what it will be this time. Probably a bit of everything, since it\'s been a few years.// \"Yeah?\"

Tokiko began to wash the dishes as she spoke. \"Your friend Yuki-san seems to be taking good care of you,\" she remarked, though there were no grateful sentiments in her tone. \"You were lucky.\"

He nodded cautiously. \"Yeah, I am.\" //Where is this going? It\'s not like he\'s got anything they can object to.// Shuuichi watched his mother\'s back warily.

\"I\'m not sure I can say the same for him,\" Tokiko continued stiffly. \"Even as a writer, it can\'t be easy for him to take this time off to look after you. It\'s been three weeks, hasn\'t it? And it\'ll be several more before you can even begin to return to work. Assuming you\'ll have a job to return to.\"

Shuuichi flinched, but a few deep breaths helped to keep his voice even as he replied. \"Yuki writes at home, so he doesn\'t need to take a whole lot of time for me.\" //I hope. I...I hope I haven\'t kept him from working.// His fingers curled around his crutches. \"And I\'m already working,\" he went on, strengthening already. \"I\'ve been writing lyrics and some new music, and I\'m even working with Sakuma-san on a new duet.\" //So there.//

\"Lyrics? Can you sing now?\" At last Tokiko turned, fixing him with a calm, serious eye. \"Shuuichi, now is not the time for your idle dreams. You should be thinking about the future, and what you\'ll do if your injuries don\'t heal fully. Even if you have some fans now, who knows where they\'ll be when you can finally come back.\"

He managed to meet her eyes for once--they weren\'t quite as cold as Yuki\'s could get, he realized. \"I can sing,\" he said. \"Maybe not for too long, but it\'s just a matter of strengthening my lungs up again.\" //I\'m not going to stay like this. I\'m not.// \"And I am thinking about the future--I will sing as good as I used to. And if my fans forget me, I\'ll *make* them remember. I worked for them before and I can win them back.\" He wished his leg wasn\'t so tired; he would have liked to put more weight on it, to be able to at least stand up straight.

Tokiko sno qui quietly as she returned to the dishes. \"You\'re just being foolish,\" she replied. \"You gup wup watching those ridiculous idols--you know how easily they can be forgotten. Fads like that never last. And when you\'re thirty--and when you\'re forty--you\'ll be nothing more than a former rockstar with debts that still need to be paid back. Not just for school, but for all the \'friends\' you keep relying on.\"

Shuuichi was glad his mother had turned away, as he shrank a bit beneath those words. \"Sakuma-san is thirty,\" he said quietly. \"And he just had a huge come-back--everyone is buying his records, coming to his concerts. I\'m going to be even better than that.\" He left it at that, not really sure how to reply to his mother\'s last accusation.

\"If you\'re lucky. I don\'t expect that will last forever.\" Her voice lowered a little. \"You\'d be better off coming home, Shuuichi,\" she said evenly. \"Where you have a job you can depend on, a place to stay. Where you have a future you can plan for.\"

\"But I don\'t wao beo be here!\" he protested, losing a bit of his control. \"I don\'t want to work on this farm--I never have. You *know* I don\'t like it here. This isn\'t my home.\" His fingers curled. //Relax--you can\'t get upset again. Yuki...Yuki will scold you if you get upset.//

Tokiko\'s shoulders rose a little as she turned, something in her eyes dulling. \"This farm,\" she stated, \"this home has been in our family for generations. You...are my father\'ly Gly Grandson. It\'s only natural that it will continue with you--it\'s your obligation. And it\'s much more reliable that some job in show business where you could find yourself penniless overnight. What would you do, then?\"

\"Then I\'d fight back,\" Shuuichi replied. \"I won\'t be penniless--I\'m not being stupid with my money. And I don\'t want to have the farm,\" he added with more strength. \"I\'ll go crazy here--I\'ll suffocate! And I couldn\'t leave my band; I couldn\'t leave Hiro and Sakuma-san and…and Yuki.\" //I can\'t do that. I don\'t want to be without any of them.//

Tokiko\'s eyes narrowed slightly. \"Yuki-san at least seems like a sensible boy,\" she conceded, though her tone was bitter. \"He learned manners, if nothing else. I can\'t imagine why he\'s friends with such a spoiled, naive child.\"

//Because I love him.// He nearly had to bite his tongue to keep from saying that. Instead, Shuuichi leaned a bit more heavily against the wall. \"We are friends,\" hid iid instead. \"We help each other out. I....\" //No--don\'t say anymore.// He looked away. //I can\'t say anything else, or she might....//

Tokiko regarded him quietly for a moment, sensing her son\'s hesitation. There was something here he wasn\'t telling her--she could always see it. \"You probably needed even more care when it first happened,\" she mused aloud, watching him closely. \"He must spend a lot of time at your place. That\'s some dedication he has.\"

He shook his head. //Damnit.// \"He didn\'t need to go anywhere,\" he muttered, already cursing himself for speaking. \"We\'re roommates.\" //Among other things, damnit.// Shuuichi still couldn\'t look at his mother and hated himself for that weakness.

\"I see.\" That...didn\'t sound right. He was still hiding something. She was sure if she pushed hard enough Shuuichi would admit to whatever it was. \"Roommates. Then I suppose he\'s paying for everything right now, since you\'re not working.\"

\"I buy the groceries,\" he protested smartly. \"And I cook.\" //Not that it even comes close to even, considering the size of his apartment, but....// Shuuichi winced, slowly setting down his left leg, just enough so he didn\'t have to hold it up anymore.

\"Of course you do,\" Tokiko replied wryly. \"And I\'m sure it\'s a big help. But seriously, Shuuichi, how long do you think it\'ll last? You can\'t keep depending on other people\'s pity forever.\"

He shook his head. \"He\'s not pitying me.\" //This I do know.// \"Yuki doesn\'t pity people--he\'s not like that.\" //Thing is...I\'m not sure why he puts up with it. Other than I never give him the chance to protest.// \"I never asked him to take care of me after the...the accident.\" He hated bringing it up like that, and somehow now was worse than usual. \"Dad and Maiko-chan actually came and visited me, and they offered to take me with them. Yuki told them I could stay with him.\"

Tokiko glanced sharply away at the mention of her ex-husband, as if hiding a wince, but she was still focused on her son; the story he was telling seemed...strange, somehow, and she couldn\'t quite put her finger on why. \"Then maybe he\'s just as naive as you are. His parents should have taught him better than that.\" She turned suddenly back to the dishes with a vengeance. \"You can leave now.\"

\"Fine.\" Shuuichi finally pushed away from the wall, but before leaving the kitchen he paused. //I shouldn\'t do this I know I shouldn\'t but damnit I....// He stood still a long moment before speaking again. \"You never came to visit,\" he murmured. \"When I was in the hospital--when I...couldn\'t even breathe on my own....\" He shuddered violently; he\'d never really spoke of that time, not even to Yuki or Hiro, and somehow admitting that it had all really happened.... Shuuichi clenched his eyes shut. \"None of yont mnt me here. None of you....\"

Tokiko paused, her hands still emerged in the soapy water. Her eyes slipped closed. \"You...wouldn\'t have wanted us there anyway,\" she replied quietly. \"You know your Grandfather--what he would have said and done. You were better off with your father.\"

\"Yeah...but you could have come.\" Shuuichi shook his head. \"No. You wouldn\'t have, would you. Even if you could get away from Grandfather.\" He straightened a bit, facing the dining room. \"You wouldn\'t have come at all.\" Shuuichi sighed to himself, starting from the room again.

\"Shuuichi.\" Tokiko turned, for the first time since Shuuichi had arrived her face betraying a look of real concern. \"I am still your mother,\" she called after him, her voice...shaking, maybe a little.

\"Only as far as Grandfather\'s concerned,\" he shot back, though his voice was strangthicthick. //Damnit mom--don\'t try to play the part now.// Shuuichi stumbled a moment on his crutches, too upset to swing them properly, and his left foot knocked against the table. Hissing, he quickly kept himself from falling, took a breath, and headed for the hall.

\"Shuuichi....\" But Tokiko fell silent and didn\'t follow. Instead she turned away, trying to return to her cleaning as she lowered her head.

Shuuichi hurried out of the dining room, and he wasn\'t surprised when he practically ran over his Grandfather waiting in the hall. Ignoring him, Shuuichi made his way quickly through the house to hide in the back bathing room no one really used anymore.

Toshibuya chuckled, moving in the opposite direction his grandson had gone. He met his wife just outside the boy\'s room. \"She really got to him,\" he told her. \"Little brat\'s been living off that fancy author friend of his--the guy\'s probably pitying him. He\'s run off somewhere.\" He laughed softly. \"Probably crying like a baby again.\"

Yuki, who had been waiting around for Shuuichi, was just around the corner and overheard. Scowling, he couldn\'t help but approach the aging couple. \"You don\'t know anything about it,\" he snarled at the old man. //Damnit, I can\'t do this, but--// \"You\'re supposed to be his family, and you don\'t understand anything--not a damn thing.\"

Toshibuya, surprised, blinked up at the blond man. \"What, you mean you actually like taking care of that baby?\" He straightened with a faint smirk. \"He\'s always been a bawling little brat--you gonna tell me he\'s changed? I doubt it.\"

Yuki should have known better--it was an old man, for god\'s sake--but his hand lashed out without him, snatching the front of Toshibuya\'s collar. \"Not a damn thing,\" he repeated icily, ignoring the startled gasp of Shuuichi\'s grandmother. \"So you leave him alone.\"

Though for a moment he was startled--and even a bit frightened--he recognized a \"tantrum\" when he saw one. \"He\'s *my* grandson,\" he reminded the author. \"And this is *my* house, so don\'t you think--\"

\"Father.\" Tokiko came out of the dinning room, glaring at the pair. She came forward, her face giving no indication of her previous conversation with her son. \"Yuki-san, perhaps we could speak elsewhere? My parents do need their rest before tomorrow\'s work day.\"

Yuki blinked, and when his eyes fell on Shuuichi\'s mother he felt something inside him falter; he released Toshibuya and stepped back almost guiltily. //After I told Shuuichi not to…damnit.// \"I apologize,\" he said shortly as he turned his back on the man, facing Tokiko to await her guidance.

Tokiko quickly turned towards the eastern side of the house, towards one of their small pleasure gardens away from the bedrooms. She didn\'t speak as the author followed her, waiting until they were in the peace of the moonlit garden. \"I do not think I need to ask that you not lay a hand on my Father again,\" she said bluntly, watching him with her sharp eyes.

\"Sorry about that,\" Yuki replied more quietly than he\'d intended. Because...he really did feel bad about it now. He shoved his hands in his pockets. \"Do you mind if I smoke?\"

Though she frowned, Tokiko nodded. \"You may, so long as you are not in the house.\" She folded her arms within the sleeves of her kimono, waiting as Yuki lit the cigarette. Once he seemed finished, she spoke. \"I understand you and my son are...roommates?\"

Yuki exhaled his first breath of smoke heavily. //I should have known. It\'s not…like it\'s hard to figure out. Two people like us.// \"That\'s right.\" He wouldn\'t add anything, though--he didn\'t want Shuuichi to have even more problems to deal with.

She watched a moment to see if he would offer more. Her eyes narrowed slightly. \"Why are you living with him?\" she asked bluntly, not in the mood for her usual stiff politeness. \"I know he could not be paying rent, so there must be another reason.\"

Yuki snorted. \"I should have known you\'d think of it that way,\" he murmured, though he was trying hard to keep his voice from dipping too cold. \"We lived together for weeks before the accident. He was paying rent. It was his idea, and I didn\'t feel like exerting the effort to tell him no.\" It was actually very close to the truth, though he didn\'t feel any pride in his evasion.

Tokiko frowned, though...she could understand the idea of Shuuichi forcing himself on a person. \"Then you don\'t really want him there.\" She glanced over the garden. \"Is that what you are saying, Yuki-san?\"

Yuki glanced up at her, suddenly...unable to respond as quickly as he\'d like. \"No. That\'s not what I\'m saying.\" But he didn\'t know how to explain it, not to himself let alone her. He took another breath of his cigarette to hide his hesitation. \"Like I said before, I wish I had his energy. We...help each other.\"

He wasn\'t going to say anything unless she asked him straight away, she realized. Tokiko faced the author, meeting his cool eyes with her own harsh gaze. \"Do not patronize me,\" she warned softly. \"Tell me; what is your relationship with my son?\"

Yuki didn\'t let his gaze falter this time. This was important, he knew, and it wasn\'t his business to meddle in Shuuichi\'s relationship with his mother. But something cold and rebellious rose up inside him, faced with this woman who knew and understood so little. He had never hidden, even when that truth had cost him so much. If Shuuichi really wanted to be with him...maybe it was about time he learned the same lessons.

\"We\'re lovers.\" Though his voice hadn\'t changed the words felt surreal, somehow, aey pey passed the short space between him and Tokiko. \"I fuck him.\"

Tokiko\'s hand snapped out, striking Yuki hard across the cheek with a loud clapping. \"You watch your language,\" she hissed. \"I will not have such things said in this house.\" Her eyes narrowed as she pulled back, glancing around as if afraid someone might have overheard his words.

Yuki didn\'t turn his head back for a long while, just letting his eyes wander over the garden, over the tradition-style house and the smell of old wood and night. He smiled dryly. \"How nostalgic,\" he muttered as he at last turned back. \"You hit like my father.\"

Tokiko felt her expression grow more severe. \"Disgusting,\" she muttered. \"Shindou-san always....\" She bit her lip, glancing away a moment. Once her face was controlled again, she returned her cold gaze to Yuki\'s \"I see then. He gets to live in your fancy apartment--and I am sure it is as fancy as your car--and you get \'sex.\' He cooks, and you get...his body.\" She hissed out the last words, clearly sickened. \"You have turned my son into a whore.\"

Yuki snorted. He was suddenly...outside himself, not caring. What difference did it make, what Tokiko thought of them? What anyone thought? \"That\'s right,\" he replied with a bitter smirk. \"I take care of him, and then I get to sleep with him. It\'s a convenient, cozy little relationship we have. But in case you weren\'t listening, Shuuichi came to me. Though again, I can\'t complain about his energy.\" His smirk vanished abruptly. \"He\'s a regular animal in bed.\"

Tokiko\'s fists curled, hidden beneath her long sleeves. \"How dare you,\" she said lowly. \"How dare you say such things--do such things to my son.\" She straightened. \"And you are arguing with my Father about how well you know him? Are you saying he is *happy* being your live-in prostitute?\" Tokiko shuddered, her face twisting with disgust.

\"I know him better than to think for a second he would give up his career to crawl back here and be your man-servant,\" Yuki retorted, though there was no bitterness in his voice. \"I know he wants to stay with me.\" He took a step forward. \"I know that he thinks he\'s in love with me--all things you didn\'t know about your own son, so yell ell me.\"

\"And you\'re playing on all that,\" she spat back. \"You are taking advantage of his situation and his personality for your own disgusting desires. I am thinking about his future. I am trying to give him a stable, fruitful life where he won\'t have to worry about debts to schools, hospitals, or perverted young men with selfish wishes.\"

Yuki snorted. And then laughed, quietly and hoarsely. \"This place is really starting to feel like home,\" he muttered, flicking the ashes off his cigarette. \"No wonder I don\'t like it.\" He met Tokiko\'s eyes again, and suddenly he felt a chill. It really was...too similar, and it made something behind his ribs ache. He sighed. \"I don\'t care what you think,\" he started anew. \"Because it\'s his decision, really, and you won\'t be able to convince him of anything concerning me.\" At last he had to look away. \"I\'m taking care of him. You don\'t have to worry about his debts or his future. He\'s out of your hands now.\"

\"Into your filthy, deceiving ones,\" Tokiko continued. \"Are you going to take care of him if he can never sing again? Are you going to support him if he chooses to go back to school? What can you possibly offer him?\"

\"I don\'t know,\" Yuki admitted, shaking his head. \"I...don\'t know. But it\'s been a long time now, and he still says he wants to be with me.\" His eyes glinted. \"Maybe I\'m good in bed, too.\"

Tokiko turned away with an uncharacteristic snort. \"You are completely foul,\" she muttered. \"Horrible.\" She stepped away as if disgusted. \"We\'ll just see,\" she went on, trying to regain some dignity. \"We will see. He may hate me, but I will not let him ruin his life--he is still my son.\" Tokiko started quickly forward, passing Yuki to return to the house.

For the second time that evening Yuki was reaching out, his hand closing around Tokiko\'s elbow before she could get too far. And…he faltered again, so that when his voice came out it sounded too soft, too thin. \"Your son is gay, Nokiro-san. Even if you don\'t want him to stay with me, that\'s the one thing you can\'t change. And if you try, you\'ll only end up hurting him more than you could possibly know.\"

Tokiko gave him a piercing look. \"His being a homosexual,\" she said darkly, warningly, \"is the least of my worries at the moment.\" She calmly pulled her arm away from him. Glaring for another long moment, she turned away and quickly slipped off towards her room. As she entered the hallway, she thought she could hear the sound of a door sliding shut.