The Key to My Heart

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 12 (re-posted)
Author: JadeHeart
Archived: Found on gurabiteshiyon.net. If anyone else would like it, please ask me first!
Fandom: Gravitation / Fake
Rating: R
Warnings: angst, bad language
Timeline: After the anime/manga finishes.
Characters: Yuki/Jim/Tohma/Ryo/Dee
Feedback: Feedback is always welcome! If I don’t get feedback, I don’t want to continue!
Summary: Just how far would Yuki go in search of Shuichi?
Author’s Notes: This chapter has been revised. I’ve put back in some portions that I had originally written, but took out at the time of posting. The reason I deleted parts was that a number of people hadn’t read FAKE so the characters from that story didn’t mean much to them, and this is a ‘Gravitation’ site; also the rest of the removed sections where just dialogue or thoughts that I enjoyed writing at the time, but didn’t really take the story any further
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they belong to the creators of ‘Gravitation’ and ‘Fake’, nor am I making any profits from this.


The Key to My Heart: Chapter 12 (edited)


The day was bright, too bright as far as Yuki was concerned. The day was too sunny, Tohma was too cheerful, and Jim looked too relaxed. As far as Yuki felt, this day already sucked!

He had woken up with a headache, a tightness that stretched from temple to temple, squeezing his skull. He had immediately taken two painkillers, but it had done no more than dampen it to a dull ache. It put him in a bad mood.

He had scowled into his coffee all through breakfast, responding to anything directed his way with monosyllabic answers, generally grunts.

“Okay, that’s it!” Jim suddenly snapped. “What’s your problem?”

Yuki glared at him. “Nothing!” he growled.

Jim rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. I can see that you are your usual sunny disposition!”

“Actually,” Tohma put in quietly, reaching for another bagel. “This is rather normal for Eiri.”

Jim looked at him with utter astonishment. “You’re kidding!” he turned to look back at the darkly scowling Yuki slumped in his chair. “/That’s/ normal?!”

Tohma nodded. “I’m afraid so.”

“Geesh!” Jim said in exasperation. “How the hell could anyone put up with /that/ on a regular basis?!”

“Shindou seemed to manage.”

“The kid must be a saint!”

“No. Just stupid.”

“Shut up!” Yuki snarled, picking up his coffee.

Jim began to chuckle quietly. “Hell, man! You are the most obnoxious, arrogant, self-centred, egotistical, bad tempered, cold hearted,” he turned to Tohma. “Have I left anything out?”

Tohma thought for a moment, then shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Alright. As I was saying, cold hearted bastard, that I have ever met.”

“Thanks.” was Yuki’s reply, and Jim went into gales of laughter.

“That’s great!” he said, wiping away tears. “I needed that!”

“Glad I could help.” Yuki groused.

“Anyway, what is up with you this morning?”

Yuki thought about not answering but then decided to do so. It wasn’t Jim’s fault. “Got a headache.”

“A headache? I’d hate to see you when it was something serious!”

Yuki just glared at him over the rim of his cup.

“So what do you suggest we do today?” Tohma asked Jim, directing them back to business.

“We’ll give Ryo and Dee time to check things out from their end. I think I’ll make a few calls myself and see what I can come up with also. It might be a good idea for you two to go and have a word with your Embassy to see if they had heard of anything. It’s a long shot, but we might just strike it lucky and Shuichi went there after all.”

“It’s certainly worth a try.” Tohma agreed.

“You might try asking them for a list of places in the city that they know are frequented by Japanese, both visitors and locals. It could be worth checking them out.” Jim shuffled the papers in front of him and pulled out a photo. “Is this the best photo you’ve got of him?” he asked.

Yuki looked at it and his heart clenched at that familiar face. It was a photo that he had carried in his wallet.

“Yeah. It was the last one that was taken.”

“I’ll run a couple of extra copies off, so we can show them around. I hope he hasn’t changed much since then.”

Tohma put his cup gently on the table, looking intently at Jim. “Why do you think he might have?” he questioned.

Jim grimaced, then spoke. “Look, we know he was pretty badly hurt, no matter how lucky he was compared to the others that made it out of that crash, but we never really asked if his face had been banged up. Something as simple as a broken nose or cheek, can alter someone’s appearance quite dramatically. We don’t even know if he had burns to the face. If there was any scarring, that would change things also.”

Tohma pursed his lips. “You’re right. We didn’t really check all that out. The doctor just indicated that all the injuries were on the mend, but we never asked if there was scarring or disfigurement.”

“Will the two of you just shut the FUCK UP!” Yuki snapped.

They both looked at him in surprise. He glared at them, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. Abruptly he stood and stormed away, leaving them staring after him.

He almost slammed the door to his room open, immediately lighting a cigarette and heading for the balcony. He took a deep drag, trying to calm his thoughts.

As Tohma and Jim had begun to speak of disfigurement, scarring, and changed appearances, Yuki had felt his stomach churn, and bile begin to rise in his throat. He didn’t want to think of Shuichi like that. He /couldn’t/ be like that! He would be the same, look the same, sound the same. He would still be Shuichi!

An image of Shuichi’s face rose before him. A face crisscrossed with raised red welts, torn and puckered skin, burnt edges blackened and charred…..Yuki ran to the bathroom and heaved his breakfast up.

Gods! He gripped the basin weakly, pulling himself to his feet. With unsteady hands he turned the taps and splashed water on his face. The coldness on his flushed skin snapped him out of his black thoughts. No, he wouldn’t dwell on something that they didn’t know was true. Surely if Shuichi had been disfigured that badly, Dr Karancski would have told them? Yuki felt certain that he would have. Therefore, Shuichi was still okay.

“Eiri?”

He turned to see Tohma standing at the doorway. Yuki reached out and grabbed a towel, drying his face, before brushing past Tohma. “I’m sorry. That was very callous of us. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Huh!” Yuki grunted, lighting up another cigarette.

“How about we get organised, then go and visit the Embassy?”

“I’m ready.”

“Then I’ll just be a moment.’ and Tohma disappeared into the bathroom.

Yuki moved out to the balcony, looking towards the horizon. He blew the smoke out, watching it drift away. So another day begins.

Most of the day for them was taken up at the Embassy. By the time they had made their way there, waited to speak to someone, explained the situation and requested help, the hours had ticked away. When they left, the sun had moved into mid-afternoon, and they had very little to show for it.

Tohma glanced down at the paper in his hand. It was a list of places that the Embassy had provided upon their request. “There’s a couple near to here that might be worth checking out today.” he said to Yuki.

Yuki grunted. “May as well, or this will have been a complete waste.”

When they returned to the hotel, they still had nothing. The three locations that they had checked that afternoon provided no further clues, and they had decided to make their way back to the hotel as evening began to fall.

As they entered, they saw Jim sitting in the lobby, papers spread over one of the coffee tables before him, phone to his ear. He spotted them and waved them over.

“Yeah, I know, Di.” They heard him say as they drew nearer. He motioned them to the seats across from him. “Yeah, it’s going to be slow going. Can’t be helped. What do I think of them? That’s a loaded question. I know you’re not asking if I fancy them! Though you’re right, that Ryo’s pretty cute! No wonder you’ve got the hots for him! Calm down, calm down! I’m kidding! I know you’ve only got eyes for one guy, even if he is a jerk! What? Can’t a guy have an opinion? Yeah, yeah. Look, got to go, I’ll talk to you later, okay? See ya.”

Jim hung up and leant forward. “So how did your day go?”

“Waste of time!” Yuki said surlily, slumping down.

“The embassy hadn’t heard anything, but did provide us with a list of possible places. We managed to check a few of them this afternoon but found nothing.”

Jim ran his hand through his hair, showing his own frustration. “Yeah, I know. I’m much the same. I’ve made some calls and got a few people checking some things out, but we really do need a lead to go on. We’re completely in the dark at the moment!”

“Have you heard from Ryo?”

“Not yet. Probably not until later this evening. They may have come up with something by then.”

“Let’s hope.”

“Until then, how about we go out and grab an early bite to eat? I know a neat place just around the corner.”

“Sounds good. Eiri?”

Yuki shrugged. “Whatever.” he said off-handedly.

“Man, you have got to loosen up!” Jim said to him in exasperation. “Try committing to something for once!”

He turned away immediately to walk to the door, and so didn’t see the expression on Yuki’s face. Tohma did though, and he pursed his lips in concern.

Commitment. Yes, Eiri had a problem with that. Commitment meant trusting, meant believing in someone, meant believing in a future. Commitment meant sticking to that, staying with that person, letting them be a part of your life. Oh, yes, did Eiri have a big problem with that!

Eiri had filled his life with his work and his casual dalliances. It couldn’t even be said that he was committed to his work really. He was committed to it enough to make certain it happened but usually pushed the deadlines, and in doing so pushed himself. Tohma often wondered if he didn’t do this deliberately, as a form of self-punishment, self-flagellation. Leaving things till the death-knock and so making himself physically ill and suffering for it. Tohma didn’t put it past Eiri to do that.

His constant stream of sexual liaisons was another form of avoidance, Tohma was sure. The casual flings, rough, ready, get it quick, and discard just as quickly. None leading to commitment, none having an ice cube’s hope in Hell of leading to such a thing. By doing this, Eiri could keep everyone at a distance, everyone became nothing more than a means to an end when he wished it to be.

Eiri believed that everyone was only out for themselves anyway, so why shouldn’t he be the same? In fact, why shouldn’t he be even better, so get in first. Do unto others, whilst they’re still /thinking/ about doing it unto you! That was definitely Eiri’s motto!

He refused to accept help or assistance from anyone. Not through work, not through his family. Any help given would be fought against, and fought against hard. He didn’t want to owe anyone, didn’t want to be beholden to anyone. Tohma knew that it still rankled in Eiri’s soul that once, a long time ago, he had desperately needed Tohma’s help.

It was right back then that Tohma realised just how ruthless he, himself, could be. When he had walked in on that carnage, realised what it had all meant, that was when he had wished that the men had still been alive. Just so he could then have the pleasure of killing them himself for daring to put his Eiri through that! Yes, that was the very first time that he had realised what he had buried in himself. He had learnt to put that strong streak of ruthlessness and possessiveness to good use in the business world. People so often under-estimated him. All they saw was the pleasant smile, the polite words, and the pretty face. Few people bothered to truly look, and see what was behind his eyes. Eiri knew, so did Mika. Jim knew; they had been through enough together for him to understand that about Tohma. Even Taki Aizawa knew – too late. What was his, was his, and would always be his. If anyone thought it could be any other way….well, let’s just say there was no-one living to say otherwise.

However, Tohma had thought that with Shuichi, Eiri had begun to understand the meaning of the word ‘commitment’, was even beginning to live it. Eiri was committed to Shuichi, in his own way. It had taken some time, and at the beginning Tohma hadn’t understood just how deeply it had gone with Eiri. Perhaps he really hadn’t wanted to see it, he admitted grudgingly to himself as he followed Jim and Yuki down the street. Perhaps he had just become so used to looking after Eiri and Mika, like a matched set, that he couldn’t picture a time when he wouldn’t be. So when he saw that Eiri was changing slightly due to Shuichi’s influence, it had felt like Eiri was slipping away from him. And that had hurt. He knew that he hadn’t fully let go. He probably never would be able to completely. However, he did finally acknowledge to himself that Shuichi now held Eiri’s happiness in his hands.

Which is why this all hurt so much. Shuichi should be here, with Eiri. They had come so far, and yet the boy still seemed to be no more than a whisper, a rumour that they were chasing. It felt as though all they were doing was chasing Eiri’s dreams, his hopes. How much longer could they keep going? How much could they really hope for?

“Here we are!” Jim’s voice cut into Tohma’s musings. They took a table and ordered quickly.

Yuki leant back and lit a cigarette. “So, how come you’re not staying at your apartment?” he asked Tohma.

Tohma sipped his water. “I had it rented out on a short term lease. I hadn’t expected to be here, and it didn’t seem considerate to try and expect someone to move just because I turned up unexpectedly in town. I generally plan things a little better.”

“Humph!” Yuki said.

“I was going to give Ryuichi a call since we’re here, but then I remembered he’s currently down in Florida filming a video clip.”

“Why would you want to call that nutcase?!” Yuki snarled.

“Hey, how’s that crazy kid going?” Jim interjected with a smile.

Tohma smiled back. “He’s doing well. Although you really should stop calling him a kid, Jim. He’s the same age as myself.”

“Well, maybe in age, but let’s just say that in mental capacity, there’s quite a gap. Or would you like me to compare your mental processes to his?!”

“Ah, no, thank you. Ryuichi is…..unique.”

“Aint he just!” Jim laughed. “Gods, I remember the first time I met him! He scared the bejeebies out of me! Him and that stuffed pink rabbit thing! You know, I had nightmares for weeks afterwards about that thing!”

“It was hardly Ryuichi’s fault.”

“How can you say that! He’s the one that put that damn thing there!”

“What did that idiot do?” Yuki wanted to know.

“Ryuichi just wanted to be friends with Jim, and so he wanted Kumagoro to get to know him.” Tohma said in his calm reasonable voice.

“Get to know me! If he wanted to be friends, trying to give me a heart attack is not the way to go!” Yuki just raised an eyebrow as he sipped his scotch and Jim continued. “The moron sicced that damn fluffy monster onto me!”

“You’re being a little harsh, Jim. Just because Ryuichi hid Kumagoro in the visor of your car.”

“Exactly! So when I pulled it down whilst I was driving across Brooklyn bridge, I had a pink stuffed rabbit falling through my vision into my lap!! I just about wiped out three lanes of traffic and put myself over the edge! Took ten years off my life, I swear! Luckily I managed to pull over to the emergency lane and get myself together so I could keep going.”

“Ryuichi was very upset to find that Kumagoro had been decapitated.” Tohma put in chidingly.

Jim just glared at him. “He was damn lucky the head was the only part that thing lost! It nearly ended up taking a swim!”

“Ryuichi would have been devastated.”

“So I gathered afterwards.”

“So what did you do?” Yuki asked, curious despite himself. “That moron’s so attached to that creepy thing I would have thought he would have screamed down New York if anything had happened to it.”

Jim groaned. “I had to take the damn thing and go and find a place for it to be sewn up so well that he wouldn’t really notice the stitches. It was fucking seven o’clock at night! I finally stopped at one of the fancy hotels and begged one of their night staff who handle alterations and laundry for the guests, for them to do it for me. I must admit they did a bloody good job with it.”

“Yes, Ryuichi was very pleased. He called it Kumagoro’s battle scar, suffered in the line of duty. He even said that Kumagoro was happy with it as well.”

Jim rolled his eyes at Yuki. “Which I understood later, meant that I was really honoured that Kuma-goo-goo, or whatever, thought that!”

“He’s a moron.” Yuki said, taking another drink.

“Yes, he is.” Tohma agreed, slipping his napkin into his lap as their food arrived. “But he’s an extremely talented moron.”

“I don’t know much about that.” Jim said, picking up his fork. “But I gotta admit, he sort of does grow on you after a while.”

“Yeah, so could mould!” Yuki growled.

“Eiri! That’s not kind at all. You know Ryuichi likes you. How can you be so harsh?” Tohma chided him.

Yuki glared at him. “Having an idiot savant like him say he likes me, is not a compliment in my books!”

“Aw, come on, Yuki!” Jim said with a smile, chewing his food. “You saying you’ve got something against pink rabbits? Watership Down will come and haunt you.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. Just a book that the whole story’s all about rabbits. I remember one of my work mates talking about it one time.” He shuddered. “Personally, I thought the whole idea sounded really creepy!”

“Great! Now they’re writing stories about fucking rabbits!”

“Well, I’m sure there was a bit of fucking in it!” Jim said with a leer. “After all, we are talking about rabbits, and you know the saying?”

“What, about breeding like rabbits?” Tohma questioned.

“Or bonking like bunnies!!” Jim laughed.

Yuki let out a snort, amused despite himself. His black mood was gradually lifting. The day had been discouraging, yet this casual banter was helping ease his tension. Good food, good drink, good cigarettes…..and, he had to admit it, good company. They all settled back to eat.

When they returned to the hotel, Jim found a message waiting for him. He glanced at the paper and smiled. “Great!” he said to Tohma and Yuki, motioning them to come and follow him upstairs. “Ryo phoned, so come in and wait while I give him a call back.”

As soon as Jim entered the room, he made his way directly to the phone. Yuki and Tohma settled into chairs, Yuki lighting up a cigarette immediately.

“Hey, Ryo. Jim Harris. Yeah, we were just out for some dinner. Yeah, my heart bleeds for you! What do you mean that I don’t sound sincere? How can you say that? You know I sympathise, I know what it’s like to pull a double shift. Not a lot of luck this end. We didn’t get anything definitive from the embassy, but we’ll be checking out a few places. Uh, ha. Yeah.” Jim scribbled a few things as he was listening. “Yeah, we can follow through on those. What else have you got? You think that would work? You sure, it sounds a bit risky for him. Really? Well, if you say so, but I’m not sure I’m real happy about this. Yeah, yeah, look that’s fine. I’ll call you tomorrow and tell you how it’s gone. Yeah, thanks for that. See ya.”

Jim turned to the other two. “Ryo said he and Dee have put a few things in motion. They’ve got a kid from that neighbourhood making some inquiries for them.”

“Is that wise?” Tohma asked.

Jim shrugged. “Ryo seemed pretty okay about it, so I guess he knows best.”

“Sounds a bit pathetic if they’re having to get a kid to do their work for them.” Yuki grumbled around his smoke.

“It’s pretty normal to use contacts from the areas we need to get information. I’m sure Ryo wouldn’t have done this if he didn’t think it would be the best way to do it.”

“Humph!” Yuki snorted.

“Anything else?” Tohma questioned.

“Yeah, he’s given us a couple of areas to check out, but most of them won’t be open till night, so we’re going to have to be careful.”

“So what do we do now?”

“Tomorrow we go back to checking out that list you have from the Embassy. Between the three of us, we should get through the list pretty easily. Keep your cell phones on so we can keep in contact. If any of us find out anything, we call the others straight away.”

“And after that?”

“Come evening, we start hitting these places.” and Jim held up the piece of paper he had been writing on. “And when we do, we make sure we take it easy. Some of these places are going to be rough.”

“How rough?” Tohma asked.

Jim looked at him steadily. “As rough as some of the other places you’ve been to.” Tohma said nothing, just gave a small nod of his head.

What is going on here? Yuki thought, noticing the interchange. There really has been something between Tohma and Jim that he doesn’t know about it.

“Well, in that case, I think we should call it a night and get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day, and I’d say we’re going to be just as busy for the night also. Things could start getting tough from here on.”

“Only from now?” Yuki said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

Jim looked at him. “Rougher, anyway. It’s going to be a lot of slow, long footwork, and there’s not really any way to rush it. You going to be able to handle that?”

Yuki scowled at him, and stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray before standing. “I can handle myself.” he growled as he stalked to the door and left the room.

Jim looked after him, then turned to where Tohma still sat. “Really think he can?” he questioned.

Tohma tipped his head. “He’s going to have to, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, he is.”

“Good night, Jim.”

“Yeah, night, Tohma.”

************

Yuki and Tohma stepped out of the bar and made their way down the street. It was an unpleasant street to say the least; dark, dirty, dotted with people that most would have called the dregs of society. Winos slumped against the walls, whores called out crudely, flashing their wares, darkened corners hid furtive movement as shady deals went down.

“It would be nice if one night we actually went some where decent for a drink.” Tohma said dryly, keeping a close eye out around him. Yuki just grunted, still walking.

Tohma sighed. For the past week, he and Yuki had roamed these streets, asking at every bar, shop, grubby boarding house, even the prostitutes that roamed these paths, if they had seen anyone like Shuichi, knew of him in any way. They carried a photo to show them, hoping that he hadn’t changed from it in this time. Hoping he still looked the same.

Fortunately, he was over his pink hair phase. Fortunately, and unfortunately. If he still had pink hair at least that would have made him very distinctive, and unlikely to be forgotten! However, if he had stayed with that colour it would have made him stand out as a target, like painting a bulls-eye to his forehead. So every night Yuki had headed out on this trek, and every night Tohma followed. And every night had been the same. No luck.

Ryo had even recruited his young charge, Bikky, in gathering what information he could from the streets. Tohma had been a little surprised when Ryo had first suggested it. Until he met Bikky in person. This brash, rude young boy startled Tohma completely, who was used to the far more sedate, and well-mannered Japanese children. He still didn’t quite know what to make of Bikky, but it wasn’t his place to tell Ryo how to raise a child. And the relationship between Bikky and Dee was an even more curious one. If ever there was a love-hate relationship, it had to be that one, he thought, drawing the collar of his coat up around his neck higher. He refused to consider that it was similar in any way to the triangle of himself, Yuki and Shuichi.

“So where to next?” he asked the silent Yuki.

Yuki nodded his head in a direction. “That way.” he said. “We haven’t been down there yet.”

They walked that way, stepping over the rubbish that littered the footpath. They turned down the side street and stepped into almost total darkness. The first few streetlights were dark, broken glass at their base signifying the reason why. Further down the street the lights still shone, throwing small pools of illumination around each.

Yuki felt the hair on the back of his neck rise with a sense of danger. He threw a quick glance towards Tohma and met his eyes. Tohma’s eyes had narrowed, and flicked from side to side. Yes, he too felt it.

Yuki looked down the street. All was quiet, the only sounds were distant indistinguishable noises. He looked back at Tohma, questioning. A slight shrug from his brother-in-law indicated that he would follow Yuki’s lead. Yuki squared his shoulders and stepped forward, Tohma by his side.

They walked with a steady pace, neither fast nor slow, even and firm steps. They soon found themselves in the darkness and continued. A scuff behind made them stop. They turned sideways, so they stood back to back. They could see the two men who had stepped out behind them, two others blocked them in front, and another stood on the kerbside. They all carried some form of weapon, a metal bar, what looked to be a wooden baseball bat, chains, a knife. Yuki was beginning to think that this had been a really bad idea.

“Well, well, well.” one said stepping forward, slapping the metal bar into the palm of his hand regularly. “What have we here? A couple of chinks wandering around, all alone. What’s the matter, monkey boys? Lost your way?”

Coarse laughter came from the others in the gang, the smiles on their faces were predatory like rabid dogs catching the scent of blood. The leader stepped closer again, stopping only a couple of feet from Yuki.

“So, pretty boy, what brings you to our little neck of the woods, huh? Looking for a good time maybe? If you don’t like the girls, I’m sure me boys would love to try a little bit of you and your friend.” He glanced over towards Tohma. “He’s sure a pretty one, isn’t he? Guess you’re both fags! You don’t mind a bit up the bum, do you? The harder the better, I’d guess!”

His face wore a feral grin, cold and hard with delight at the thought of inflicting fear and pain on another he perceived as weaker. “Come on, boys!” he called to the others. “Let’s show these pansies how to have a real good time!” and with loud laughter they all moved in, like a pack for the kill.

The leader shot out his hand to grab Yuki’s throat, only to be greeted by a hand clamping around his wrist. Clamping and holding, then squeezing until the bones grated together. He yelled at the pain, struggling, bringing up the metal bar to smash down on Yuki.

Yuki saw it coming and stepped in closer to the thug, using his other arm to capture the weapon wielding arm close against his body, trapping it so it was immobilised. With a last hard twist on the trapped wrist that nearly broke it, Yuki released it and rammed the heel of his hand upwards under the thug’s chin, snapping his head back violently.

As he fell backwards, Yuki caught the metal bar as it fell from the nerveless fingers, grasping it and bringing it around in an arc to his right, to intercept the chain that was whistling towards his head. Twisting the bar, he tangled the chain around it, yanking hard, so the second thug stumbled forwards, pulled off balance.

Yuki took that moment to take a quick glance to see how Tohma was faring. He was in time to see Tohma dodge the bat-wielding thug, slipping to one side and kicking the man hard in the stomach. The punk doubled over, and Tohma once more stepped to one side, as the chain from another, swung through the space where he had been standing just a moment before, and instead of striking its intended target, it struck his winded pal directly across the back. The struck man dropped to the ground, his grip slackening on the bat, and Tohma swept it up and faced his chain-wielding adversary.

Yuki turned back to deal with his own problems, confident that Tohma could handle himself. He hadn’t really been worried. Few people would think it of Tohma Seguchi, but the man could more than look after himself in a nasty situation.

Yuki’s opponent charged him, trying to grapple him to the ground and wrest control of the metal bar. They faced off against each other, each with both hands on the bar, teeth bared in snarls, staring at each other with faces only a hand-span apart. The thug lashed out with a fist, striking Yuki hard on the face. He tasted blood at the impact but ignored it. The man went back to trying to pull the bar from Yuki’s grasp.

Yuki’s eyes narrowed. He had just about had enough of this shit! He kicked out hard, striking the thug directly in the groin. He saw the man’s eyes widen in shock, almost bulging. His mouth opened, yet not a sound emerged. Then his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed bonelessly to the ground.

Yuki heard a grunt behind him and spun around, to see Tohma bringing the bat down hard on the wrist of the knife wielding thug, who had been intending to stab Yuki in the back. Calmly, Tohma swung the bat again, kneecapping him and dropping him, groaning to the ground. He turned and called out a warning.

“Eiri!”

Yuki spun around, dropping to a crouch and heard the sharp report of a gunshot. The first thug, the leader, had risen to his feet, having somewhat recovered from Yuki’s initial attack. Blood trickled from both his nose and down his chin where he must have bitten his tongue from the force of Yuki’s strike. In his hands was a gun.

Yuki snarled and leapt towards him, staying low. The man was still dazed and couldn’t focus quickly enough to redirect his aim at Yuki’s charge. Yuki swung with the metal bar, sending the gun flying as the wrist holding it snapped from the impact. The man’s high-pitched cry of pain was nothing to the scream that followed, as Yuki completed another sweeping strike hard against the shins, and there was an audible breaking of bone. The man collapsed like a tree felled, moaning and clutching his limbs.

Yuki got to his feet, breathing heavily. His heart was beating so loudly it pounded in his ears, as the adrenalin coursed through his veins. His vision had narrowed, nothing more than a dark tunnel focused on the figures of their assailants lying around them, some moving, some not. The glint of metal caught his eye.

The gun lay only a few feet from him. He walked over to it, picking it up. The weight in his hand felt almost familiar, although it had been many years since last he had held one. His hands almost caressed the metal, curving around the shape. He turned to look down at the men who had tried to accost them. He could still hear his own breathing, loud and harsh in the night air. Slowly, he walked towards the leader, moaning still and writhing on the ground.

“Eiri.”

He heard Tohma’s voice, but it didn’t really register in his mind. His whole being was focussed on the man at his feet, the man who had tried to hurt him, the man who had tried to cause him pain.

He slowly brought the gun up, lining up down the barrel so it was pointed squarely at the man’s forehead. The thug must have sensed his danger, for he was able to drag his mind from the pain of his broken limbs, and held up a hand in supplication, fear growing in his eyes.

“No, man! Please, don’t! I’m sorry, honest to god, I’m sorry!! Please don’t kill me!!”

Yuki’s hard golden eyes glared down, his finger began to tighten on the trigger. The thug’s voice rose higher in urgency, pleading, begging, trying to crawl away from the death that was creeping ever closer to him.

“No! No! No! Please don’t, please don’t…” his litany continued.

“Eiri!”

A hand closed round Yuki’s, pushing the gun downwards. Yuki swung his head around to glare to the person who had interrupted him, who had come between himself and his prey.

Tohma looked back at him, his eyes unflinching from the cold look of death that was there. His hand remained firmly clamped over Yuki’s on the gun, forcing the barrel to the ground.

“Eiri, it’s over.” He continued to look into Yuki’s eyes.

Yuki almost launched himself at Tohma, wanting to shake him away, so he could turn back to his original prey, but the force of Tohma’s grip and the look in his eyes, showed Yuki that he wasn’t going to back down. They stood looking at each other for a moment longer, glare for glare, force to force.

Finally, Yuki took a deep breath. His vision gradually widened, losing the tunnel vision of a predator. He looked down at the gun still in his hand, at Tohma’s hand clasped over his.

“Better give that to me.” Tohma said quietly, and removed it easily from Yuki’s now slackened grip. “I think we might want to take this with us, and go and see Ryo. I have a feeling we might have a bit of explaining to do.”

He looked around at the moaning, crawling bodies, then cocked his head to one side as the sound of sirens drew closer. “I think that is our cue to leave. Come on.”

Yuki followed, as they quickly exited down another side street, making their way back to the subway.

On the train, Tohma called Ryo. “Sorry to bother you so late, Ryo,” he said. “But we have a little problem.”

“What’s that?”

“We got into a bit of trouble just now, and have left a few….incapacitated persons in our wake. We didn’t wait for the local police to arrive to try and explain the circumstances.”

“How bad?”

“To be honest, I don’t really know. A few broken bones certainly.”

“Oh, boy! Look, where are you now?”

Tohma glanced up at the subway map, pin-pointed their location, and told Ryo.

“Head over to Dee’s place. I’ll meet you there later. I’ll call him to let him know to expect you.”

“Thank you.”

Yuki glanced over at Tohma, noticing for the first time the blood trickling from the man’s hairline.

“What happened there?” he said gruffly, indicating the wound.

Tohma reached up a hand and gingerly touched the spot. Obviously it hurt. “I wasn’t quite quick enough to duck.” he said with a smile to Yuki. “And you?” he motioned to Yuki’s face.

Reaching up a hand, Yuki could feel the sticky crustiness of drying blood on his chin and around his nose. “Same.”

Tohma smiled, then winced a little as the movement made the skin on his face pull at the cut. “Well, we both look a right pair, don’t we? We’ll be lucky if we don’t get thrown off the train for looking like this!”

“Looking like this, they wouldn’t dare.”

“Perhaps you’re right.”

Tohma glanced up at the subway map and motioned to Yuki. “This is our stop coming up.” and stood as the train pulled into the station.

They made their way out of the station, thankful that there weren’t a lot of people around to see their bruised, bloodied, and generally dishevelled appearance. Both Yuki and Tohma were familiar with how to get to Dee’s apartment. Over the past couple of weeks, they had spent considerable time at both Ryo’s and Dee’s places.

Yuki had been a little surprised to find that Dee still had his own apartment. He had assumed, from the obvious relationship that the two men had, that Dee lived with Ryo, or vice versa. However, over the past week, he had come to realise that although the two of them had known and worked with each other for a number of years, their actual relationship was rather new. Ryo admitted, that although Dee did still have his own place, he practically spent most of his time at Ryo’s, including having most of his clothes there.

To Yuki, it seemed then a little pointless for Dee to maintain his own apartment, but Dee had said that it gave them both another place to go. Either together, or if they needed a bit of time to themselves. There was also still the issue of Ryo’s charge, Bikky, to take into consideration, and they were taking it slowly there.

Yuki was glad he and Shuichi didn’t have kids around to worry about as well. Shuichi was enough of a child, and most of the time, more than Yuki could handle!

They knocked on the door of Dee’s apartment, and it swung open almost immediately. Dee ran his eyes over them both from top to toe, eyebrows climbing higher. He waved them inside.

“I know Ryo said that you’d got in some trouble, but, man, you two look like shit!”

“You should see the others.” Yuki said dryly, to which Tohma couldn’t help but chuckle, then winced.

Dee just shook his head. “What the hell happened to you?”

“Some thugs tried to ‘have some fun’.” Yuki said, peeling out of his coat and kicking off his shoes.

“Look, why don’t you go and have a shower. Then we can have a look at what damage has been done.” Dee pulled a couple of towels out, tossing one to Yuki and the other to Tohma.

Yuki looked over at Tohma. “You can go first.” he said. “I want a smoke.”

“You could always join me.” Tohma said with a smile, standing.

“In your dreams.” snarled Yuki.

“Always, Eiri, always!” and with a laugh, Tohma disappeared into the bathroom.

Yuki looked down at his hands, resting on his knees. They weren’t shaking. Why weren’t they shaking? He was shaking inside. He knew he was. Shaking hard. It had nearly happened. He had nearly done it. He had been so close. If Tohma hadn’t been there, he would have. He would have killed. Again. His stomach heaved and his chest tightened. It had been like the last time. The rage, the blinding rage that took over every thought. The fierce violent desire to fight back, to never let anyone be able to touch him, to hurt him again. It was just like last time.

He would have done it. He would have pulled the trigger. Put a bullet in the man’s head, splattering his brains across the pavement. He would have done it. Done it without a second’s thought. He had /wanted/ to do it! That thought alone made him feel sick.

He clenched his hands. Why was he like this again? He hadn’t been for so long. He had almost forgotten how this felt, how he had felt back then. He had thought he had finally put these demons to rest, turned his back on the past, moved on to a better future. But it was still with him, still buried deep inside his heart. Only till now, it hadn’t risen to the surface.

Shuichi! He cried out desperately in his mind. Where are you?! Why aren’t you here?! He needed the boy’s distracting presence, a presence that seemed to somehow calm him, even whilst it drove him crazy. He needed him to tell Yuki he was alright, that he wasn’t a cold-hearted killer, that he was just a normal person. He needed Shuichi to tell him that he was worthy of being loved. Worthy of Shuichi’s love.

Oh, how he needed Shuichi here with him! Somehow, he managed to always make the world seem brighter, as though life didn’t dare to darken the boy’s grand dream of how things should be. No matter what happened to him, Shuichi always came out smiling, somehow. Not always without a struggle, but he always came out of it. That is what Yuki clung to now. Shuichi was out there. Somewhere. He would be waiting for him. Just waiting for Yuki to find him. He /would/ find him!

Yuki lit up his smoke and leant back, relaxing.

“Drink?” Dee said, holding out a beer bottle.

“Thanks.” Yuki said, taking it and immediately drinking.

“So where were you when this happened?”

Yuki told him and Dee frowned. “Man, how many times do we have to tell you, you moron! You can’t just go wandering around those areas like that! You’re going to get a knife stuck between your ribs one night, then where the fuck would you be?!”

Yuki glared back at him. He knew that Dee was right, he knew that he was acting somewhat recklessly, but he was feeling so desperate. The time was slipping away, and they still seemed no closer to finding Shuichi. The hope he had been clinging to so hard was beginning to erode, fading with each passing day.

Tohma quickly rejoined them and Yuki took his turn in the shower, wincing as the warm water struck his bruised face. He gingerly scrubbed away the crusted blood. When he looked in the mirror after, the side of his face was already beginning to swell and darken. He grimaced at the sight. Great, now he really did look like a thug!

When he returned to the lounge room, he found Ryo there also. Ryo’s eyes widened as he took in Yuki’s ravaged visage.

“Well,” he said, obviously at a loss for words, then he turned to Tohma. “Okay, we know where the incident was, I picked up the report on the police radio and checked it out. By the way, three of them are in hospital with multiple broken bones, and the other two were found unconscious. So all five have been apprehended. That is all there was?”

Tohma nodded. “Yes. At least all that we saw.”

“Five of them?” Dee whistled, sounding impressed. “How did you two manage to take out that many?”

“They were rather disorganised, and really weren’t expecting any real resistance. That gave us the advantage.” Tohma replied calmly.

“Still pretty damn good. Didn’t think either of you were the violent type.”

“Oh, we’ve both had our fair share of….difficulties.” Tohma said, throwing a quick glance at Yuki.

“The only thing is, there was a report of a gun shot, and a slug was dug out of the wall nearby.” Ryo continued.

“Ah, yes, then this is what you will require.” Tohma unwrapped his coat to reveal the gun lying there. “It was they who fired the shot. However, Yuki picked up the gun after disarming the man, so you will find his fingerprints on it also. As well as mine.”

Ryo looked at Tohma, obviously realising there was more than what he was saying, but he let it go.

“Okay then.” Dee suddenly appeared at Tohma’s elbow with a plastic snap-lock bag. “Drop it in there.” he said. “Don’t touch it any further with your hands.”

Tohma lifted his coat and slid the gun from the material directly in to the bag. Dee snapped it shut and tossed it on the table. “We’ll take it into the office tomorrow and sort things out.”

“How are you both? Do you need to see a doctor?” Ryo asked, looking concerned.

“I believe we are both fine.” Tohma answered. Yuki nodded agreement. “It’s more just a few cuts and bruises. They’ll heal.”

“Then how about some coffee?”

“That would be greatly appreciated.” Tohma said thankfully.

“Come on, Dee, I’ll give you a hand.”

The two detectives disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Yuki and Tohma. Yuki leant back, smoking. His body felt completely drained, as though now the flood of adrenalin had gone, it had taken all the rest of his energy as well. His face throbbed. He was going to have to take some painkillers tonight if he was gong to get any sleep at all.

“How are you feeling?” Tohma asked him.

“Like crap.” he answered honestly. “You?”

“May I express the same sentiments?”

Yuki looked at his brother-in-law. “How’s the head?”

Tohma reached out and rubbed gently at his temple. “The wound is shallow. If I keep it covered, I don’t see it will be a problem. I do, however, have a headache of gigantic proportions.”

“Huh.”

Dee poured the hot water into the mugs, whilst Ryo grabbed the milk.

“They’re two pretty cool customers.” he said to his partner. “Not too many people would keep their nerve and be able to handle five thugs from that neighbourhood.”

“I think there’s a lot more to them both, than meets the eye.” Ryo replied, propping himself against the bench as he waited for Dee to finish.

“That Yuki is the one that worries me.” Dee said.

“Why?” Ryo asked, looking at his partner.

“Look at his eyes.” Dee said turning to face Ryo, face serious. “Those eyes have seen some pretty bad things. Both you and I know how to read that. But look closer. Those are the eyes of someone who’s taken a life.”

Ryo said nothing for a moment. “Think I’m exaggerating?” Dee questioned, sounding a little defensive.

“No.” Ryo said firmly. “I think you could be right. However, killing can be done in self-defence, or other similar circumstances.”

“True. I’m not saying he’s a cold-blooded murderer, but let’s just say I also wouldn’t want to be caught in a dark alley with him on a bad day.”

“Couldn’t we all be like that, if the circumstances warranted it?” Ryo said quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“You remember how you felt when Mother was hurt?”

Dee’s hands clenched for a moment. “What’s that got to do with it?” he snarled.

“Calm down, Dee.” Ryo said placating. “All I’m saying is that when any of us are really hurt, or someone we care about deeply is hurt, we could all potentially become killers. I nearly did once. I might have, if you hadn’t come along.”

Dee relaxed at Ryo’s calm words. “Nah. You don’t have it in you, no matter what.” he said. “You’re too nice. Me, on the other hand. If you hadn’t turned up when you did, I would have plugged the frigging bastard!”

Ryo reached out a hand and rested it on Dee’s cheek. “Don’t be so sure about me.” he said softly, looking into Dee’s eyes. “There are some things I know I would most definitely kill for.”

They looked at each other for a moment more, then Dee leant forward to brush a kiss lightly over Ryo’s lips. “Come on, let’s attend to our guests. The sooner we sort them out, then the sooner we can get rid of them. I have plans for tonight.” Dee’s eyes twinkled with mischief.

A broad smile spread across Ryo’s face. “Oh, really? Should I leave you in peace then.?”

“Do so, and I’ll hunt you down.” Dee growled.

Ryo laughed as he picked up two cups and walked back to the lounge room, followed by Dee.