Something In-Between

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation nor do I make any money from using the characters.

NC-17

If you have time, please review. Thank you so much!!


Note: Once again, my deep appreciation to Kri and AshCat. This story is a group effort by all three of us!

Something In-Between


Chapter 12
You Take My Breath Away


Look into my eyes and you’ll see I’m the only one
You’ve captured my love stolen my heart
Changed my life
Every time you make a move you destroy my mind
And the way you touch
I lose control and shiver deep inside
You take my breath away

You can reduce me to tears with a single sigh
Every breath that you take
Any sound that you make is a whisper in my ear
I could give up all my life for just one kiss
I would surely die if you dismiss me from your love
You take my breath away

So please don’t go
Don’t leave me here all by myself
I get ever so lonely from time to time
I will find you anywhere you go
I’ll be right behind you
Right until the ends of the earth
I’ll get no sleep until I find you
To tell you that you just take my breath away


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I opened the door to my suite and there he was, dressed in black from head to toe that smug look on his face. He had attempted to tame his long hair by gathering it together into a loose ponytail.

I glared at him.

He met my glare with a curious and penetrating stare. After a few moments he said, “If you are going to try and hit me, I wish you would hurry it up. I have people to do at home.”

Leaving the door open as an invitation, I turned away from him and moved across the room for my cigarettes. Removing one from the pack, I lit it and turned around again to see him scanning the room with suspicion.

“What?” I snapped at him. “Afraid I might kidnap you?”

He laughed then and stepped into the room, “Not really. Although I suspect you continue to harbor some resentment towards me.”

Silence was my only answer.

Moving across the room, I watched as he picked up Shuichi’s laptop from the floor, “This poor thing gets the worst abuse. When Shuichi tried to hit me in my flat, it flew across the room then, too.” With his fingertip, he traced the deep dent in the wall that the laptop had made on impact. He turned to look at me, “Although, it could be that perhaps this time, it is you who is responsible for its current location on the floor?”

I glared at him. Did I really want to do this?

He set the laptop on the table and pulled out a chair. Sitting down, he stared at me as he lit his own cigarette. Finally he smiled brightly, “Look Yuki-san, do you have something you want to tell me or not? I’m not in the habit of having staring contests with people.”

“Shuichi is sick.” I said.

He nodded, “Yes. Hiroshi, Suguru, and I, we’ve all noticed that. Although, I must admit with some chagrin, Hiroshi and I did not notice as soon as we should have.”

I took a drag and paused. “He called me earlier tonight. In fact, just before I called you.”

Quirking his pierced eyebrow at me he took a drag himself and waited for me to continue.

“He’s still with your singer, but he is very sick. I think,” I struggled with the words, “I think the idiot needs to go to the hospital.”

He gave me an irritatingly calm smile, “Is this your way of telling me that you are worried about him? And that you want my help? Really, Yuki-san, must you make even a simple request so difficult?”

“Shut up, Inoue.” I exhaled as I tried to locate my waning patience. “Tohma and K are…”

Ignoring my demand for silence he cut me off, “Yes. Speaking in outline form suits you. I’ll make it easier for you and fill in the details. Tohma and K are hunting Shuichi, I know. I am, too, if you haven’t noticed. But you are worried that Shuichi won’t come back because of those two?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe. Okay, now we are getting somewhere,” he gave me that smarmy grin.

“Look, you smug bastard, I’m doing this for Shuichi not because I like you!”

“Ah, there you go, hurting my feelings again,” he shook his head in mock disappointment. “Yuki-san, just answer the question, yes or no, do you want my help?”

After five heartbeats I said, “Yes.”

“With the least amount of Tohma and K?”

“Yes.”

He nodded, “So, what you are looking for is someone to take you to Shuichi when he calls.”

“Yes. I think so.”

“See, not so hard,” he smiled again. “Although, I have to warn you, getting past Tohma can be tricky business. Why don’t you just ask him to stay out of it?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Yes, you’re right. Of course, you’re right,” Inoue nodded. “He never was very successful at being magnanimous. Although, I’m not sure what he feels he would gain if he managed to find Shuichi and drag him back. That action would only serve to infuriate Shuichi and you both. Maybe it has something to do with always being first, always being the one that knows everything. You know, he always has been like that, even when we were kids….”

“Shut up already!” I snapped at him.

He started to laugh, “You are so easy.”

“Will you help me or not?” I snarled.

Tipping his head at me he smirked as he said, “Why Yuki-san, this is just so sudden!”

“Stop it. Seriously,” I glared at him. I was ready to throw him out and to tell him to forget the whole thing. But then I remembered the sound of Shuichi’s tortured coughing, his fear and dramatic certainty that he was dying. Shuichi was in trouble, so the least I could do was put up with one egocentric asshole for a short time.

Inoue studied me closely, “You are really worried about him, aren’t you? I suppose that goes without saying if you are desperate enough to ask for my help. Well, who knew? It appears you may have a heart after all. Although I have to ask, Yuki-san, what are your intentions when you do get him back? What do you really want from him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?”

I didn’t answer him.

He nodded, “So you don’t know what you want. Maybe you need to figure that out. Because, you know, I’m not enthusiastic about you hurting him again. But,” he shrugged, “maybe we’ve already said everything we needed to say on that subject.”

I continued glaring.

“Of course I’ll help you. After all, it’s for Shuichi and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him,” he chuckled as he watched my hand curl into a fist. “Oh, lighten up, Yuki-san! I’m only teasing you,” he pulled out his phone and spoke rapidly in some other language.

Once he finished his posturing I told him about my visit earlier in the evening from the crazy Sakuma, and about Sakuma’s information concerning Shuichi’s altercation at a local club.

“Really?” Inoue blinked at me and chewed on his lip. “Sakuma, huh? You can never tell what’s going in that guy’s mind. He exhibits far more ingenuity than Tohma could ever dream of. Well, I’ll check it out, although Tohma is probably all over that one already.” He shrugged and handed me a slip of paper, “Here’s my number.”

“I have it,” I grumbled.

Shaking his head he said, “You don’t have this number. If I don’t answer, then either Tony or Nakamura will.”

“Your thugs?”

“I suppose you could call them that,” he shrugged. “Although if I were you, I wouldn’t call them that face to face. Anyway, call that number.”

“I don’t even know…” I started. Why was I doing this? I didn’t know where Shuichi was, I didn’t know if he would even call again.

“It doesn’t matter. Call me if you need me,” he winked at me as he stood.

What a bastard. “Hey,” I shouted at his retreating form. “I don’t want anyone else to know about this.”

“I figured that,” he smiled. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“I mean it, Inoue,” I glared again. “That includes your… bedmates.”

“But I… they wouldn’t…” he shook his head.

“I mean it,” I growled at him.

Reaching to the door handle he huffed at me, “Oh, have it your way. But if Hiroshi gets angry with me, I’m blaming it all on you.”

“What about the other one? He’s the one I’m worried about,” I told him.

“Suguru? Well, that’s all very new,” he grinned at me. “About 6 hours new, so no worries.”

So he was sleeping with Fujisaki, I was glad that I brought it up. That little bastard was Tohma’s pawn. Nodding I said, “I’ll hold you to that.”

He shook his head in disappointment as he opened the door, “You are so rigid, Yuki-san. You need to relax more, it would do wonders for you. Just ask Suguru.”

I fumed as he closed the door behind himself. What a fucking asshole!

Sitting down at the table in front of my own laptop, I struggled to find the right words to send Shuichi another email. Even though email was an effective means of communication for me, it was still not easy. I continued to strive against my natural tendency to be guarded and embarrassed over anything emotional. I had to admit, I was better than I had been to begin with. I thought back to the first email I had sent Shuichi after he had gone to London. It had taken me two hours to compose the email and it had consisted of five words.

It was subtle and at times still very much a challenge, but I was changing.

I was exhausted and worn out, so what I sent him was probably more revealing that I would have liked, but I hit the send button before I could give it too much thought.

Inoue’s question continued to haunt me. What did I want from my relationship with Shuichi?

Wandering to the bed, I lay down. I really needed to sleep so that I could be alert when Shuichi called again. If he called again. I closed my eyes and I heard his voice.

“Do you know all those fanboys? And everyone else I was ever with? I used to cry afterwards. I used to take a shower after, scrubbing and trying to feel clean again, while I cried my heart out because they weren’t you. I hated them and I hated you for that. I couldn’t feel anything with them except anger that they weren’t you.”

My eyes opened and stared at the ceiling. Part of me was sick with jealousy over those words and part of me knew that I was at least partially responsible for it. Could I get past that? Because when I got down to the heart of everything inside me, everything we had done to each other, all the hurt that we had administered, nothing bothered me as much as knowing someone else had touched him.

I supposed it was the typical male testosterone laden reaction. My lover – don’t touch. But I had walked away from him, it wasn’t right that I was jealous over what happened after I had abandoned him, was it? But I couldn’t seem to stop my envy, the dark anger… was it hate? Did I hate him for that, just as he hated me?

But then again, there was something troubling me about those words, something on a deeper level. I used to cry afterwards. I was struggling to make sense of those words. In the past, even when I was at my cruelest, I could still enjoy sex. Or had I?

All those women I had bedded over the years were totally forgettable. My female companions were all beautiful and graceful yet vacuous and conniving at the same time. Always reaching for my wallet or wanting me on their arm or between their thighs like I was some sort of prize. They were all the same, they might have looked different on the outside, but underneath they all had the same dream of making me into something I wasn’t. So I used them, gave them what they wanted for a few minutes with false words and a false smile and then I fucked them and sent them on their way. It was always the same, so predictable, ridiculously easy and after a while, mind-numbingly boring.

I was cynical and bitter and as time went by, I could perform the ritual by rote. Smile now, laugh now, pretend to be interested now… none of those women even managed to scratch the surface of who and what I was and I could not have possibly cared less about them. When I thought about it, before Shuichi had come along, all of my bed partners had been little more than inflatable dolls. To me, they were empty, hollow pieces of flesh that amounted to nothing more than holes to satisfy my carnal lust. When I was finished, I discarded them just like the condoms I had used while I fucked them. In the long run, the used condoms and the used women, they held an equal amount of interest to me.

Before Shuichi had come into my life, I didn’t realize what love was – I hadn’t known any better. It had been something of a shock for me when I had actually felt something other than physical pleasure during sex. It took me some time to accept it and I spent the first six months of my relationship with Shuichi trying to disavow that what I felt for him was any different than what I felt for anyone else. But after a while, I could no longer deny the glaring disparity between sex with strangers and sex with Shuichi. Sex had gone from a meaningless, purely selfish act to something deeper, something transcendental and all because of Shuichi, because I… loved him.

I thought about what would have happened if Shuichi had come into my life first and then I had been left, empty and sad, trying to fill the void that had been left. I knew what empty sex was, I had lived it for many years. That was why I didn’t even pursue sexual partners anymore. I knew what it would be like. I couldn’t bear even the thought of it.

I sat up and lit a cigarette, watching the glow of the ash as it burned, feeling the wonderful swell as the smoke filled my lungs and the poison leeched another few seconds off of my life.

Shuichi hadn’t known sex without love until I walked out of his life. Sure, he understood the difference between violence and love. After all, he had been raped. But to willingly have sex with someone and then find out it was completely devoid of emotion must have been traumatic for him. I suspected that was what had happened to him. He had wanted to feel and he couldn’t anymore. What would it have been like for Shuichi not to be able to feel anymore? Had it been a surprise for him when he found that sex was not the same with people you did not love? Was that why he went on a sexual rampage, sleeping with anyone, including his friends? Shuichi was the equivalent of an emotional tsunami and that emptiness must have made him frightened and desperate.

Maybe what it meant was that he had become like me. If that were true, then perhaps no one had actually touched him. Of course they had touched his skin, his surface, but not his soul. Maybe that was the true reason he hated all those other… people, they were meaningless things to him. Just as all those women had been to me.

Was it possible that I still held all that was important of him? Was he telling me that his very core, his heart, was still untouched except by me? He had mentioned something similar to me when I had first returned to Japan and it had nearly brought me to tears.

But then Inoue had come along and Shuichi had delivered the ultimate slap to me. He had let Inoue… take my place. Shuichi let the one person he knew would hurt me the most have him. Inoue had partially filled the void after I had gone to New York, eased Shuichi’s broken heart and, in many ways, replaced me. Shuichi had trusted Inoue far more than he had ever trusted me and that thought alone made me physically ill. I rubbed my hand through my hair, trying to soothe the helplessness that threatened to overwhelm me.

But Shuichi had rejected Inoue’s continued attempts at having a more intimate relationship until I had hurt my lover. Ha! Hurt him, I had nearly killed him. My horrible action had pushed Shuichi into seducing and using Inoue, either out of anger and a need for revenge or because he was devastated and needed to feel loved. I suspected it was possibly even both emotions that drove Shuichi into Inoue’s arms. Emotions that I was ultimately responsible for.

I didn’t like what had happened with Inoue and it still made me insane with jealousy when I thought about it, but I did understand it. However, understanding it and accepting it were two totally different things, this was definitely something I would need to work through. It would take time, and Shuichi and I were bound to have some terrific arguments over it, but I could definitely see it as something that would get in our way if we did not work to resolve it.

I calmed my breathing and turned my thoughts to the intimacy Shuichi and I had shared together since I had arrived in London. It had seemed passionate and loving. It felt as strong to me as it ever had, maybe even stronger. I wondered if Shuichi felt the same way. Did sex with me finally fill that void in him and if it did, did he understand why? Maybe that was one of the reasons he was so confused, maybe that was why he rejected my attempts at being… nice to him.

So when all was said and done, where did that leave us? Did we love each other enough to move beyond hating each other? Or was hate part of the deal? He had asked me if I could forgive him. Could I? And what about him, could he forgive me? We both had much to consider.

I stubbed out my cigarette and forced my thoughts to slow as I exhaled, first I needed to be patient and see if Shuichi even wanted me in his life. I hoped he wouldn’t make me wait too much longer.




About four hours later, Inoue called me. I answered as I always did, “What?”

“Shuichi administered quite the beating to our promoter. Put him in the hospital, actually.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Well, I couldn’t say for sure, but the fellow looks a lot like you. His resemblance to you might possibly have something to do with triggering Shuichi’s violent outburst. You know, some deep-seated anger on your lover’s part. I couldn’t imagine why that might be an issue, could you?”

I sighed, “Get to the point.”

“Tohma knows about us and he’s watching you, Yuki-san. I think someone saw me go into your room.” He said softly.

Well great. Now I was the one being watched. Damn it, that made me angry, and quite honestly, it made me want to… well, disappear. Is this what Shuichi felt?

“The real reason I’m calling you is to let you know that I have a different car,” I swear I could hear the smarmy jerk grin.

“What?”

“A different car,” he said very slowly, making fun of me. “It’s a black Aston Martin. I had Nakamura pull it out of storage while we were talking last night. Or this morning. Whenever it was.”

“An Aston Martin?” I said, trying to keep the awe out of my voice.

“Oh yeah,” he said deeply, causing my hackles rise. I could hear the sound of a high-performance engine rev. “My getaway car. Just wanted you to know what to look for.”

“Huh.”

He hung up.

Aston Martin. Dear gods, those were beautiful. Why did such an egotistical bastard have to have amazingly good taste in cars?


A few hours later, after some fitful sleep I awoke in confusion and reached out for Shuichi. Of course I found myself alone in the bed. I got up and made my way to my laptop and checked my email.

I stared at the screen, Shuichi’s latest email was there.


Eiri,

Just wanted you to know, I’ll be coming home tonight.

Don’t worry, I wouldn’t ever make you wait as long as you did me.

I’ll call you.

Love,
Shu


I had my phone in my hand and I was about to call Inoue to let him know when there was a knock at my door. It was Tohma. I’m not sure what was going on, but he had that smirk and the self-satisfied air that he knew every move everyone was making. I wasn’t sure if it was a true fact or if I was simply being paranoid. I moved to the table in order to close my laptop. I didn’t need to give him any more provocation for his infernal curiosity.

We made small talk for several minutes while he watched my every move.

I wasn’t being paranoid. Finally, I told him that I’d had enough of him lurking about and wanted him to leave and quit irritating me.

“Well, I just wanted to make sure everything was satisfactory for you, Eiri-san,” Tohma smiled with that patient smile of his.

“I’m fine, Tohma,” I said evenly, trying to rush him out of my hotel room without rushing him.

“Very well,” he turned for the door and I breathed a sigh of relief. Just before he stepped out he paused, “Oh, and Eiri-san?”

I gritted my teeth, “Yes?”

“I spoke with Mika-san last night. She said to let you know that the cat is fine.”

I nodded.

He closed the door behind him and I raced over to lock it. I pulled out my phone. I had felt the vibration earlier, but refused to check it in front of Tohma.

Sure enough, a message from one pink and purple-haired idiot. I scribbled down the address and phoned Inoue on his “special, secret line.”

“So, you need me after all do you? I knew that you couldn’t resist my overwhelming charm forever.”

“How soon can you be here?”

“I’m just down the street, I’ll be there in five.”

“I’ll be outside the lobby,” I hung up and grabbed my coat.

I thought about this, Shuichi had asked me to come for him. This was it. Whatever he had decided, I would know the outcome in just a few minutes. I found that I was nervous. What if he told me he couldn’t do it? What if his answer was he couldn’t deal with our relationship anymore? His rejection of me was a real possibility, after all.

Taking the stairs slowly, I considered what I was running towards. Either I was about to have my heart ripped out of me, or I was about to make a lifetime commitment. Had I really thought this through completely? If Shuichi chose to stay with me, there was so much we had to get through. So much pain, anger and distrust, so many emotions, could I deal with that? Was I up for that?

I supposed it was a little late to be thinking about it now, but was I even capable of the kind of love Shuichi would need? Especially now that he was so… broken. Would he resent my emotional limitations after a while? Would I be enough for him? Could I heal him and, in the process, save myself as well?

My phone was still in my hand as I stepped out into the rainy, foggy London night. I was staring at it when I heard the unmistakable sound of the precision hum of that lovely Aston Martin engine. I looked up in time to watch the car maneuver a 180 and skid to a stop so that the passenger door handle was only inches from me.

I opened the door and slid in. “Show off,” I snapped at him. “I thought we were supposed to be covert.”

“Hey, you’re the one being watched, not me!” he snapped back. “Besides, he’s your brother-in-law.”

“Well, he’s your cousin!”

He nodded as the tires squealed to life, “Just goes to show, you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.”

“That’s certainly the truth,” I said in agreement as I handed Inoue the address and dialed Shuichi’s number.

“Once more unto the breech, dear friends, once more!” Inoue quoted Shakespeare as we narrowly avoided a dark colored sedan trying to cut us off as we screamed out of the parking lot. The Aston Martin was a thing of beauty, and apparently it was made for high-speed chases. Getaway car indeed.

My phone conversation with Shuichi while we were skidding and zipping through the London streets was terse and quick and I could not tell if he wanted me or not. When I hung up the phone, I realized that this really was the moment of truth for the two of us.

“Were you just arguing with your lover?” Shaking his head, Inoue continued, “You two aren’t even in the same room yet, and you are already fighting? Did you decide what you wanted from him because I’m not helping you so that you can continue to hurt him. I’m sure you remember that we’ve already had this conversation, correct?”

I ignored him as I watched in the mirrors as a BMW tried to keep up with us.

“All right, have it your way,” he smirked. “You can pretend you’re not listening, but I know you can hear me. You can’t hurt him any more, understand that? I may not be in a position to take him from you, but I am capable of making your life very miserable. And you must know how much I would enjoy that.”

Finally, I said to Inoue, “I’m sure that’s Tohma in the BMW.”

He smiled at me, “You heard me, right, Yuki-san?”

I sighed. I knew he would keep at me until I acknowledged him. “Yes, I heard you, you prick. Now, the BMW, please?”

Grinning and nodding, Inoue spoke what might possibly be Thai into his headset. I watched behind us as a Mercedes Benz pulled out in front of the BMW. “One of your thugs?”

“Mmm,” he answered. “By the way, Yuki-san, you’re looking a little peaked. In light of the little spat you just had, you’re not frightened of seeing Shuichi, are you? Maybe some cold feet over the situation? After all,” he smirked at me, “the little brat can be a handful.”

“Shut the fuck up, Inoue.” How dare he take such liberties and call Shuichi a brat! What an absolute bastard. “Can’t you be quiet for any length of time?”

“Hmm,” he considered my question for a moment as he studied the rear view mirror. There was a new car that had taken up the chase. “Well, if you really want to know, Hiroshi can tell you about a few things that can keep me quiet, but I don’t think you’d be too keen to know about them. So, to answer your query, no, I can’t be quiet for any length of time. Besides, I find that I attain a very deep satisfaction in exasperating you.”

“Must run in your family,” I grumbled.

He smiled and after driving like a well-trained stunt man for a few minutes while humming part of ‘Blind Game Again’ he managed to lose our last pursuer. “Well, now that we’ve managed to shake Tohma’s entourage, I’ll take you to your love. This place isn’t very far away. Once we get there, I’ll stay outside and watch for Tohma and K while you get Shuichi, okay? Nakamura will be at the back entrance and if for some reason Tohma finds us first, he’ll drive you to wherever you need to go. That way, you can be gone before Tohma even gets into the club.”

I nodded. “Inoue, I, um…”

“Don’t tell me you are trying to thank me, Yuki-san. If you do that you’ll blow the whole Yuki-san is a cold-hearted monster persona. I prefer you better as ill-natured and surly,” he shrugged as he cranked on the wheel and skidded into a parking spot. “Come on.”

I stepped out of the car and I immediately felt that something was wrong. I looked at Inoue and he definitely had a deer-in-the-headlights look on him. That in itself was unusual, but when he muttered the words, “Oh shit,” I really knew something out of the ordinary was happening.

I looked towards the entrance. Three people were getting out of a limo. Inoue moved across the parking lot at a sprint run towards them. What the hell was going on?

A moment later another limo pulled up and Nakano and Fujisaki stepped out.

I gazed at the entrance doors, Tohma stood in front of the double doors in some over-the-top ridiculous purple and white outfit. Noriko and K flanked him on either side. Tohma wiggled his white-gloved fingertips at me in greeting.

Fuck.

Inoue had been swarmed by both his boyfriends and his band. I wasn’t sure what had happened yet, but I was sure that Tohma was behind it. There was no running now, since he had clearly set the whole thing up.

As I neared the club, I strode past the ruckus that enveloped Inoue. I could hear various threats and accusations being thrown at my past nemesis. He was desperately trying to keep his band members from either quitting or killing one another. At the same time he was attempting to explain to Nakano and Fujisaki why he was at a dance club without them but with me, of all people. I believe that Nakano was intensely jealous.

Had sleeping with Inoue caused a sudden drop in the guitarist’s IQ? Did Nakano really think I would voluntarily be with Inoue? That I would fuck Inoue? I had to admit that I found Nakano’s jealousy particularly laughable. It should have been clear to even the biggest idiot; I’d rather poke my own eye out with a sharp stick then spend any more time with that smug bastard.

As I approached Tohma, I gestured toward the overwhelmed Inoue and said, “Your doing, I assume.”

Tohma threw his cape off of one arm so that he could tip his purple hat in acknowledgment.

The cape was royal purple and made of crushed velvet with a faux snow leopard lining. His suit was made up of matching purple brocade and his impeccable white silk shirt was overflowing with lace and silver edging at the collar and sleeves. And he carried a walking cane, of all things. I supposed it was his way of re-establishing himself as king, like a dog remarking his territory.

“You look like a pimp,” I told him.

Noriko burst out laughing, “That’s what I said!”

“So, you’ve known where Shuichi was the whole time?” I accused.

He shook his head, “No, but most of it. We were just keeping an eye on him until he decided to come back.”

“It looks as if Inoue was your true target.”

“I see that you are as perceptive as ever, Eiri-san. I felt that my cousin, amongst others, could use a gentle reminder of a few constants in the world,” he smiled brightly. He was truly enjoying himself. “But Eiri-san, you must not keep Shuichi-san waiting.”

I nodded and as I began to move past him, he grabbed my arm and leaned close as he whispered, “There is a limo waiting for you out back. The driver has instructions to take you to a private hospital. All the paperwork for Shuichi-san’s admission has already been handled.”

I nodded, suddenly overcome with gratitude. Tohma knew my limitations and he had taken all the steps necessary to help both Shuichi and me.

He smiled again, and griped his silver-tipped cane, “Any time I can be of service, Eiri-san. By the way, be sure to ask to see Shuichi-san’s new piercing.”

New piercing? My gratitude disappeared with his words, what an absolute bastard. As I stepped into the club I thought about what just happened. Tohma had used me to set up Inoue. My brother-in-law must be very angry to go to the lengths he had just to make Inoue’s life uncomfortable. Inoue, his own cousin, in fact, Tohma’s favorite cousin. It made me remember just how petty Tohma could be.

Making my way through the noise and the smoke, I found the bar and my wayward lover. He sat alone at a table near the railing watching the crowd with rapt attention. He was pale and slight and peaceful. He was breathtaking.

I felt my previous feelings of doubt and uncertainty melt away when I saw him. I knew what I wanted now, it was suddenly so clear. Shuichi was who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

When I reached the table, I realized there was a glass of scotch waiting on the table, “Is this for me?”

“Of course,” he waved at the chair. “It’s a brand called Lagadulin or something equally tongue-twisting.”

“Lagavulin,” I corrected as sat down and took a deep drink. The soothing burn of good scotch can smooth over just about any bad situation. I looked closer at him, he was pale and gaunt and his eyes didn’t have their usual sparkle. I was suddenly afraid that he was sicker than I originally feared. “How are you feeling?”

“Like hell,” he glared at me, “You’re late, by the way.”

“Not by much,” I explained. “There’s a brawl going on outside I had to get past.”

“Really?” finally, he smiled at me. “Anyone I know?”

I nodded, “Yes, I believe so.”

He stood up, he was so weak he had to hang on to the table as he made his way the few steps to me. When he leaned over to kiss me my arms instinctively wrapped around him, holding him steady and close, breathing in his scent like a drowning man starved for air.

“I’m sorry I made you worry,” he whispered to me.

“I’m sorry I made you wait,” I answered. He began to pull away but instead of releasing him, I pulled him onto my lap, his feet dangling off to one side. He was unbelievably light. I slipped my hands around him protectively, touching a ridiculous amount of skin. “There’s not much to these pants,” I stated. He always did dress provocatively when he went to the clubs. Or when he was on stage.

“Yeah, I got them because I thought you’d like them,” he smiled thinly at me. Then he winced as I continued touching his waif-like frame, “Careful, Eiri.”

“What is that?” I pulled up his shirt and saw what Tohma had been referring to, Shuichi’s new piercing. How did that bastard Tohma know about that? I reached forward, but Shuichi grabbed my hand.

“You can’t play with it yet,” he was still smiling. “When it heals, you can tug on it all you want, okay?”

“Okay,” I smiled back at him. When it heals, he wanted me in his life. I sighed with relief.

And then, after a few moments I thought back about what he said about making me worry. Regaining some of my usual irritation I said, “You did make me worry, you know. You told me you were dying and wouldn’t tell me where you were. What kind of idiotic stunt was that?”

“Did you come here to lecture me, Eiri?” he snapped. “Because I don’t need that right now.”

“No,” I answered, trying to keep my voice even, “I didn’t come here to lecture you.”

He leaned back so that he could look me in the eyes, “Then why did you come?”

“Because you… so that I …” I rolled my eyes at the sap I was about to say, “So that I could save you.”

His mouth hung open as he blinked his eyes at me.

“Do you want to go to the hospital now?” I said quickly to try and cover my embarrassment.

“Not yet, even though I’m pretty sure I’m hallucinating.” He smiled at me as he shook his head, “Once we get to the hospital, they’ll be tests and nurses and all kinds of interruptions, I just want to be with you for a few minutes without anyone bothering us.” He buried his nose into my neck and I heard him inhale, just as I had done a few minutes earlier.

“Eiri,” he said after a moment. “Do you… want to be with me?”

I rubbed his back gently, “Is it that what you want?”

He looked up at me, “Oh no, you don’t. I asked first.”

“Why else would I be in London, in some stupid dance club? What do you think, dumb ass?” I grumbled and cleared my throat, “What about you?”

He smiled, “Dumb ass. I like that. Maybe I’m not hallucinating after all. What do I want, let’s see. I know I want you, but I’m not sure how to do it. I’m not sure how to make us work.”

I hugged him a little tighter as I sighed, “I don’t know how to do that either, but maybe together we can figure it out.”

“Yeah,” he snuggled into me with a cough. “I hope so, Eiri.”

“Hey, is that Sakuma on the dais?” I asked quietly as I looked out over the crowd.

“Yeah, Miki is with him,” he sighed against me, coughing softly again.

“Well, here comes one of her band members and he looks mad,” I narrated as I continued to rub his back gently.

“It’s probably Ito-san.” Shuichi said dreamily and jolted with a start. “Ito-san?” He sat up in time to see the apparently crazy Ito-san leap onto the nutbar Sakuma. Watanabe began screaming and I could see Inoue and K desperately trying to make it through the crowd to the three.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Shuichi said softly as he relaxed against me again but continued to watch.

“That I’m glad it’s not us making a scene for a change?” I asked.

He started to giggle, “Yeah.”

Sakuma struggled free and ran for the circular staircase, rocketing down them at supersonic speed. It wasn’t fast enough however, and Ito-san caught him just before the bottom steps and the two of them tumbled down the remaining stairs, four or five feet to the ground. Watanabe threw herself onto both of them at the bottom of the stairs.

Inoue and K arrived, along with the rest of Suspended Animation and Bad Luck and they managed to pull the three apart. Ito-san swung like a madman and blind-sided K in what resulted in a sucker punch. K staggered backwards and Inoue grabbed Ito-san only to have Watanabe hit him squarely on his cheek. Nakano grabbed her arm harshly and wrenched it behind her back, causing the rest of her band to come to her aid. Fujisaki dove into the fray to defend Nakano and the whole mess exploded into a full out brawl only to come to a sudden halt when Inoue’s thugs showed up and K managed to free his gun.

The rest of the club attendees dropped to the floor in fear of the psychotic American and the Asian gang ruffians.

Shuichi was laughing uncontrollably and even I was smiling.

“I wonder why ‘Guru got involved?” he asked between his laughter. “He usually stays out of stuff like that.”

Leaning forward, I kissed his forehead and then said, “That’s because he’s sleeping with both Inoue and Nakano.”

“No…” he said, his eyes wide.

“Yes…” I answered as I rubbed my nose through his hair.

“That’s… not surprising when I think about it, really,” my lover said. “Kyo’s house, it was not normal…” he looked at me and shrugged, “it must have gotten to Suguru.”

“So when is anything about Inoue ever normal?”

“You have a point. Speaking of which, did Kyo bring you here?” He stared at me for a minute and then shook his head, “No. No. That I must have hallucinated. I could have sworn I heard his voice in the background when I talked to you earlier.” He began to cough gently.

“You weren’t hallucinating. I asked him to bring me.” I said as I rubbed his back again to sooth his coughing.

“Why?” he said between coughs.

I sighed, “It’s a long, complicated story. Can I tell you about it some other time?”

“Sure, Eiri,” he said quietly, without any energy. “Hey, is that Tohma?”

“Yes,” I answered.

“At first, I thought he was a pimp,” he coughed again as he laughed weakly.

“I did, too.”

“Eiri, I think I’m ready to go to the hospital now,” he said softly.

“Okay,” I helped him stand. He was so weak, there was no way he was making it out the door under his own power. “Here, put your arms around my neck,” I told him as I leaned over. Once he did I picked him up. He was so light.

“Eiri,” he whined as he tightened his grip around my neck and squirmed, “I’m not a bride, this is embarrassing.”

“Would you rather be taken out on an ambulance gurney?” I growled at him.

“No,” he said as he clung to me.

“Then be quiet and stop moving around.” I managed to hold on to my temper. “I’ve got you, okay?”

“Eiri, I… ” he choked and I felt the tears start to come as his walls began to crack.

“Try and hang on for a couple more minutes, okay?” I said quietly. “It looks as if we have one more obstacle to get through.”

At the back entrance, I was stopped by a policewoman. Apparently someone had called in the authorities over the club brawl.

“I’m sorry to detain you,” she said. “But do you know any of those people? Did you see who started the altercation?”

I smiled my phony, brilliant smile at her and in perfect English said, “We don’t know any of those people. But the man in purple, I saw him start the fight.” I looked at Shuichi who had caught enough of my words to know what I had said.

“The man in purple? The one with the cape?” She asked us both.

“Yes, he’s the one,” I answered as Shuichi nodded in agreement.

“Now, I really must get my friend to the hospital,” I smiled again and watched her melt a little as Shuichi moaned loudly and tossed his head dramatically as if he was in great pain.

“All right then,” she agreed as gave me a smile and waved us through the door.

We were both laughing as we slid into Tohma’s prearranged limo.

“I can’t believe we just did that!” Shuichi exclaimed.

“He had it coming. He used you, me, and Sakuma to get at Inoue. Don’t worry, he’ll weasel his way out of it.”

“Eiri,” he said quietly as he fought his cough. “Thanks…”

“Do you want to lie down?” I asked.

“No,” he shook his head. “The coughing is worse when I lay down. But I’m cold, can I…”

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him onto my lap, his legs once again to one side of me. He rested his head against my shoulder and I rubbed my cheek against the top of his head as I said, “You know, you’re not alone anymore, brat. I’m here now. Why don’t you just relax and let me take care of you?”

He exhaled and I felt his tears as they soaked through my shirt while I gently rocked him. We had a long way to go, but this was at least a beginning for us.


The hospital wasn’t bad, as far as hospitals go. Tohma had arranged everything, down to an extra bed for me in Shuichi’s room.

Shuichi was right, there were tests and nurses galore and he was oddly complacent. It led me to believe that he was in far more pain than he had let on. He did whine for me when he was done, but he had not insisted that I accompany him while the technicians were actually performing the tests. I appreciated that, I was not good with hospital settings in the first place. But then again, who was?

When they were finally done, the doctor explained to me that Shuichi had a serious bleeding ulcer. He was severely anemic, dehydrated, and had borderline malnutrition. He also had a case of viral pneumonia. The doctor was amazed that Shuichi had stayed on his feet as long as he had.

When the doctor and I were finished, I went back to Shuichi’s room. The sky was just beginning to lighten with the impending sunrise. He was hooked up to an IV and he had a few wires attached to him. They had drugged him with something to put him to sleep and curb the pain. I studied his slumbering face. He looked so frail and tiny, not like Shuichi at all.

This man was so different from the Shuichi I had known and loved so long ago. He was so skinny and his hair was different, even his taste in clothes had changed, but all of that was superficial and of little importance. What was key was what had changed on the inside. He was bitter and violent, mysterious and untrusting, but he was still Shuichi. He still had a smile that would stop my heart and he still knew me better than anyone else did. Now that his life had been filled with disappointment and pain, I could see that he knew me better than ever before. Of course, I could not deny that I had been the one to administer the disappointment and pain, the one who made him into this bitter person. I took his hand, and gently caressed it as I felt my own tears start to fall.

I had not realized how afraid of losing him I had been. Not until this moment did I feel the full terror of what my life would be without him. Even when I had lived my empty, pathetic life in New York, I had never been this afraid. At least when I had been in New York I had convinced myself Shuichi was alive and happy.

But if something were to actually happen to him… the tears came fast and furious and I felt myself tremble with my fear as I clung to his hand. I couldn’t, no, I wouldn’t be apart from him anymore. Shuichi was who I wanted in my life and I would never let him go again.

“Eiri?” he said groggily.

“Shh,” I said, grateful that the room was still in shadows, so that he could not see my tears. “Go back to sleep, okay?”

“What’s wrong, Eiri?” he said as he struggled to sit up. “You’re not leaving me are you?”

I had to smile. There was so much we had to get through, “No Shu. I’m not leaving. I won’t leave you ever again. So go to sleep, okay?” I gently pushed him back down and stroked his hair trying to soothe and comfort him.

“Eiri?” he said as his voice grew fainter with sleep. “Will you hold me?”

“I am holding you, dumb ass,” I said with a smile.

“No, not like that! I want you to really hold me,” he said impatiently.

“I’ll try,” I agreed, crawling onto the narrow hospital bed as he made room for me by turning onto his side and rolling to the opposite edge. It was tricky and I had to be careful of his IV and his monitor wires as I settled on my side and slid my arms around him so that we were face to face. “If we get caught, you are the one explaining it to the nurse. Just turn on those big puppy dog eyes of yours, that always seems to work.”

He smiled with his eyes closed as he snuggled against me, “Okay. Hmm, you feel good next to me. Warm and comforting, like I’m finally home.”

“You’re delirious,” I said but my heart swelled with understanding. I knew what he meant and I pulled him closer. I felt the exhaustion wash over me as I finally relaxed. I had found him, he was safe and we were together. We had a lot of hurdles to get over, but we were together. Right now that was enough. I rubbed my cheek against his as I felt the beginnings of sleep coming to me.

His eyes opened, “Have you been crying?”

“Like I said,” I smiled at him, “you’re delirious.”

“Yeah, I guess I am delirious,” he said with a soft smile as he brushed a tear off of my cheek, “You’ll stay with me, won’t you Eiri?”

I had to swallow the lump in my throat before I could whisper “Yes. I will stay with you.”

“Promise me, okay?” His eyes delved into mine with crystal clarity. “Promise me and really mean it.”

I kissed him gently and then I met his serious stare as I answered, “I promise, Shuichi.”

He nodded and closed his eyes. My eyes closed as well, my final thought before sleep took me was that I hoped at some point in our lives he would believe me.


TBC

Lyrics for You Take My Breath Away by Freddie Mercury



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