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Innocent Rain	By : saxonjesus Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 3947 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Chapter 12�Wake me up When the Memories End

�� Who did this to
you?� Lavi asked gently, repeating his earlier question as he rubbed the back
of Yuu�s head in soft, up-and-down motions.

�� My father,� Yuu
murmured gravely into the other man�s chest. He knew he needed to give more of
an explanation, and he began to recount the horrors of his life before the Dark
Order.

August 3, 1878�Kanda Household

�� He was in the
garden outside his house, just like he was every afternoon. His mother was with
him, and he was making little wreaths for her hair out of the lotus flowers
that stood proudly at the edge of their property. She laughed, her voice like
chimes in the wind, and Yuu felt his heart lighten in joy. He loved making his
mother laugh.

�� Yuu!� She called,
and he ran to her immediately. �I have to go inside soon, but promise me you�ll
stay outside, okay?�

�� Yuu nodded his
acquiescence and gave his mother a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She winced
slightly, and Yuu frowned. �Are you okay, okaa-san?�

�� She smiled
comfortingly and stroked Yuu�s cheek. �I�m just fine, Yuu, I just slept funny
last night.� Running her fingers through his shoulder-length hair, she stood
up. Her hands trailed reluctantly from the ends of his hair, and she turned and
walked gracefully back into the house, her light yukata rustling in the wind.
Yuu watched her go, hoping his mother would be able to come back out to play
with him later. He looked around for something to do, and he caught sight of
the neighbor�s cat. He chased it around the backyard and took a lazy nap with
it as the evening sun set. At last, his mother called him inside for dinner,
and he went in willingly.

�� They had sushi
that night. Afterward, his mother ran him a bath. He heard the telltale sounds
of his father returning home for the evening, and his mother left the room,
presumably to greet his father. Yuu sighed. He hated it when he had to wash
himself while his parents talked about their day. Today would be different�he
decided that he would take a bath after his father had eaten dinner.

�� Walking to the
kitchen, he was surprised when he heard a high whimper of pain. His heart raced
with worry, and he threw the sliding door open. He gasped at the scene in front
of him.

�� His mother�s white
yukata was ripped, and she was draped unceremoniously on top of the table. His
father stood over her, his pants down by his ankles. He brought up a hand and
slapped her hard enough that her neck snapped to the left.

�� Yuu was frozen,
locked in the doorway. He watched, horrified, as his father pounded mercilessly
into his mother. She didn�t make any more noise than small gasps of pain�that
is, until she saw him in the doorway.

�� Yuu,� she
whispered, her voice breaking. Tears formed in her eyes and fell down her face.
His father stopped his movements and followed his wife�s gaze. He pulled back
and grinned predatorily, showing his uneven teeth.

�� Yuuuuu-chaaaan,� he sing-songed. �Why
don�t you come over here?�

�� Yuu was fixed in
place, but that didn�t matter, because his father shuffled over to him, pants
dragging on the ground from around his ankles. Yuu�s father grabbed his
shoulders and forced him down onto the hard wooden floor of the kitchen.

�� You interrupted
my fun, Yuu-chan. I guess you�re gonna have to take her place now,� he leered
down at Yuu, and for the first time, Yuu was afraid of his father. Large,
previously friendly hands tore at his jinbei.
Those same, horrible hands grabbed his wrists, forcing them over his head. Yuu
screamed.

�� Yasuo-san, don�t
do this,� his mother pleaded, but his father paid her no heed, crushing his
lips on Yuu�s to silence him. Shifting Yuu�s wrists into one of his own hands,
his father brought back his right arm and punched Yuu in the gut. Yuu screamed
against the oppressive lips, and that earned him a slap on the cheek. Yuu
choked on the little air he had, opening his mouth in a desperate gesture. His
father�s tongue drove like a drill into his mouth, and Yuu gagged. He had no
air; black spots were forming on his vision. He screamed again, trying to
thrash under his father�s iron hold.

�� Something rough
and harsh went around his wrists, replacing the hand that had been there. Yuu
tried to separate them, but they wouldn�t move apart. He tilted his head back
and saw them tied to the leg of a chair with a thick length of rope. He
squirmed as he felt rough, calloused hands slide down his sides, bypassing the
waistline of his jinbei and slipping
it down his legs.

�� A hand squeezed
him painfully, and Yuu saw stars.

�� Don�t scream
again, Yuu-chan,� his father admonished, smiling as if he were commenting on
the day�s nice weather. �Or I�ll do something worse.�

�� Yuu didn�t mean
to, but he belted out a screech at the continued pain.

�� It seems you�ve
really left me no choice,� his father chuckled. Violent hands spread his legs
apart, and large fingers pushed deeply inside him. Yuu whimpered, trying not to
scream again. They moved rhythmically, in and partly out, in and partly out,
and with each movement came a fresh wave of agony. The fingers moved strangely,
hurting him more, until they were gone. Yuu breathed out a rough sigh of
relief, but then something larger thrust home, and this time, Yuu did scream
out. He got a punch to the ribs and then lips were biting at his chest. His
body arched and hit the floor repeatedly with the force of his father�s
thrusts, and he felt tears fall freely from his face. He didn�t care. It hurt.
He was allowed to cry when it hurt.

�� Don�t cry just
because it hurts, Yuu-chan. Don�t be a girl,� his father hissed through
clenched teeth. His facial expression was strange, and Yuu didn�t understand
it. His father�s eyes were dark, and his face was pinched in rage and something
Yuu had never seen before. He couldn�t place it.

�� Yasuo-san,
please, stop this,� his mother cried softly. His father didn�t seem to hear it,
though, and he pounded even harder into Yuu. He tried to stop the flow of
tears, but he couldn�t. Harsh hands squeezed painfully on his thighs, and for a
second, Yuu forgot about the other, larger pain. He yelled out as his father bit
him roughly on the collarbone, breaking the skin. Something scraped against his
bone, and his yell turned into a howl. Unforgiving lips covered his, and he
tasted blood. It dripped down his throat, burning it with its copper taste. Yuu
gagged as he tried to breathe and swallow at the same time, and something burst
in him as he coughed hard and loud.

�� A hand patted him
on the head, feeling more like his father�s touch. He looked up into the man�s
eyes, and that dark expression was gone. Fingers ran through the hair at the
top of his head and then mussed it before it fell.

�� That was fun,
Yuu-chan. Let�s do it again sometime.� He hauled up his pants, and the belt
accidentally hit Yuu as it was pulled into his father�s grip. He lay there,
shivering on the kitchen floor, as his father grabbed his mother and left the
room.

�� He never forgot
the screams that followed.

�� Lavi
stared, dumbfounded. He held Yuu even tighter, and he fervently hoped he wasn�t
choking the man.

�� How
old were you?� He asked.

�� I
was five,� Yuu said, his voice flat. The way he had reported the rape to Lavi
made him worried. He was repeating all the facts emotionlessly, and it reminded
Lavi of his unbiased reports to Bookman.

�� That
was just the beginning,� Yuu added before going on.

�� Eventually, he had
to get up off the floor, and despite the pain it brought him, he limped heavily
over to the furo. He stepped in, not
bothering to bathe himself first like he should have, and he grabbed a nearby
bar of soap. He didn�t particularly care that he was dirtying the water�he just
wanted to get clean. He lathered up a washcloth and ran it slowly, lightly, up
his left arm. He sat in a trance, watching the water slowly turn pink as he
attempted to rub away the dirty feeling he had.

�� The door opened,
and he cringed into a corner of the bath. He winced at the abrupt pain from his
backside, but he couldn�t quite stop the whimper.

�� It�s me, Yuu,�
his mother said softly. Yuu didn�t look up. �Do you mind if I join you?� Yuu
didn�t respond, he only held his legs to his chest, trying to make himself small
and unnoticeable.

�� The water shifted
and grew a darker pink as his mother entered. With careful and gentle hands,
she peeled the washcloth from Yuu�s grip and lathered it again. She began to
slowly and tenderly wash off his arms. When she was finished, she pulled at
their grip, and they fell to touch the wooden bottom of the traditional
bathtub. She extended his legs and washed both of those until she was halfway
up his thighs. Then, she pulled him forward and rubbed the washcloth over his
stomach and back. He cringed as her touch went dangerously close to his aching
spots, and then the washcloth was removed.

�� May I wash your
hair, Yuu?� His mother asked as she massaged his lightly throbbing shoulders
soothingly. He didn�t move, too afraid her touch was going to become violent.
�I�m going to wash your hair, ne?� He
nodded.

�� Soapy hands ran
through his hair, and he felt himself finally begin to relax at her touch. It
was so soft, so comforting, that he couldn�t help it. When her hands left his
hair and washed his neck, face, and ears, he relaxed further, so much that he
didn�t realize where the washcloth was headed until he felt a featherlight touch
on his aching regions. He whimpered and curled up as far back as he could, despite
the fresh waves of pain that followed his movement.

�� Relax, Yuu,� his
mother said, �I promise I won�t hurt you. I just want to clean you off, ne?�

�� Yuu quivered in
fear the entire time his mother completed washing his body. The second the
touch was gone, he curled his legs back up to his chest, and he encircled his
arms around them. He looked up at his mother for the first time, and he let out
an involuntary gasp.

�� The entire left
side of her face was swollen and darkly bruised. There were deep purple marks
on her throat, and there were open wounds over her entire body. More bruises
covered her ribcage, and Yuu saw her wince as she sat back. Her breath hitched,
but she calmly washed herself off.

�� When she was
finished, she grabbed two white towels from a shelf. She wrapped one around
herself and then turned to Yuu. She fished him from the water, and he stood
limply on the bathroom floor as she gently toweled him dry. He noted that the
towel was very pink before she grabbed a fresh one to wrap him with.

�� I can�t say
everything will be okay, Yuu, but I can promise that he won�t do it again.� Her
face was set, and she had a triumphant gleam in her eye. She pulled Yuu into
her arms and lifted him, carrying him to his futon, where she sat him down. Yuu
watched her every movement carefully as she went to his closet and produced a
pair of pajamas. She pulled them over him with the same light touch she had
used in the bath, and then she laid him down and pulled the covers up to his
chin. �Please, try to sleep well,� she said, rubbing his forehead
affectionately. Her expression was very soft, with hints of worry and sadness,
but she leaned down and kissed his forehead before leaving the room. She shut
the door on the way out, and before Yuu let himself fall asleep, he was sure he
heard a lock click.

�� Before sweet
unconsciousness crashed over him, he vowed to protect his mother, so that she would
never again suffer the injuries he had just seen. His own pain didn�t matter.
As long as his mother was safe, he would be fine. He would be the shield that
blocked his father�s blows.

�� But
it happened again,� Lavi said.

�� Yuu
nodded. �But not for a long time. A lot of other things happened first.�

�� A number of
factors led to him staying on his futon for over a week with a high fever and a
racking cough. It was probably partly due to the trauma, as well as the long
amount of time he had spent on the kitchen floor. It could have been from the
infection that purpled the deep bite-mark on his collarbone. It simultaneously
itched and throbbed, and Yuu had to repeatedly stop himself from scratching at
it. As his mother had said, it would only make it worse.

�� One time, when he
had been feeling better, he�d walked over to the kitchen, from which echoes of
voices had been coming. His hand touched the sliding door, about to open it,
when he heard his name being spoken.

�� I don�t know how
Yuu is going to react now, but I know his father will never let him alone after
what happened. Emiko, I don�t know what to do,� his mother said, her voice
heavy with an emotion Yuu could not place.

�� Are you sure you
won�t leave him?� Emiko, his mother�s closest friend, asked. Yuu stood,
transfixed, at the door. He needed to know why they were talking about this.

�� You know I can�t.
My body has always been frail, susceptible to disease. His family is well-off,
and now that he owns the restaurant, we are very wealthy. To leave him would
mean death for me.�

�� Fumiko��

�� I can�t protect
Yuu if I�m dead, Emi-chan,� his
mother said, her voice cracking. �If I die, his father will have to take care
of him, and I don�t know what he�d do. As long as I�m here, I can protect him,
if only to a certain extent.�

�� I would take Yuu
in, you know that.�

�� The law wouldn�t
allow it. Yasuo-san is his biological father. He has guardianship over him.�
His mother sighed, and there was a rustle of fabric, as if her friend had
pulled her into a hug. Yuu figured this was a safe time to walk in, as the
conversation seemed to have ended.

�� He slid open the
door, and he was elated to see that his playmate, Kosuke, was sitting next to
his mother. He saw his friend�s face light up.

�� Yuu-kun!� He
shouted, getting up and running over to him.

�� Kosuke!� Yuu
shouted back, feeling happy for the first time since the kitchen incident. The
other boy pulled him into a bear hug, and Yuu winced at the pain in his
still-bruised ribs.

�� Yuu!� His mother
said, shocked. He looked over at her as the other boy let him go. �What are you
doing in here? You should be in bed!�

�� Okaa-san, I�m thirsty,� he said softly,
not trusting himself to speak any louder.

�� I�ll get you a
drink if you go wait in bed,� she said gently, getting up to push him lightly
back toward the door.

�� But I want to see
Kosuke,� he protested, leaning back against her. It was the first contact he�d
initiated with his mother since the incident, but he was glad that it still
felt good.

�� I�m sorry, Yuu,
but you can�t see Kosuke right now. You wouldn�t want to get him sick, would
you?� Yuu reluctantly looked down, shaking his head. �Good. Go back to your
room, please, Yuu, and I�ll be there in a minute with some tea and water.�

�� He waited a moment
after his mother closed the sliding door behind him.

�� I�m sorry, Emiko,
but if you could never bring Kosuke back here� I know it will hurt both of
them, but I really don�t want your son getting hurt, too. I don�t know where
Yasuo-san will stop.�

�� I understand,�
Emiko responded.

�� Could you spread
the word to everyone else, too? I�m in no state to be outside right now, and
the only reason I let you in is because I don�t know what I�d do without you.�

�� Don�t worry,
Fumiko,� his mother�s friend reassured. �I�ll always be here for you.�

�� I know. Thank
you.�

�� Yuu walked back to
his room, suddenly a bit dizzy, though he didn�t know why. He lay on his futon,
and within moments, he was asleep.

---

�� Yuu shivered as
his mother laid a cool cloth on his forehead, smoothing back his fringe as she
did so. Her face was slowly turning the yellow of healing bruises, and when Yuu
looked at his stomach and chest, he noted his own marks were doing the same.

�� His father had not
come home since the day in the kitchen. Yuu shrank away from the memory. He
didn�t really know or understand what had happened to him, only that he felt
extremely violated and irrevocably dirty. His mother had bathed him twice more
in the furo, disregarding the fact
that they were supposed to bathe outside it. She told Yuu that she had always
thought it would be nicer just to bathe in the actual bath, like the
Westerners. She only washed his back and hair for him, a fact for which Yuu was
glad. He didn�t want his mother touching him any more than was strictly
necessary.

�� Three more days
passed before his fever broke. He spent a further two days recovering. His
bite-mark was now an angry, very itchy red, and Yuu had reluctantly gone to his
mother for salve to relieve the worst of the symptoms.

�� Yuu sat outside
his parents� room, knowing his father wasn�t there but wanting to protect his
mother from any potential attack. He dozed lightly through the darkest hours of
the night, but sometime in the early morning, he heard a rattling as the front
door opened. He quaked in fear but steeled his resolve. His pain didn�t matter,
he told himself. His mother must not be hurt.

�� He heard a
shuffling noise, and his eyes widened in fear. Exactly twelve days after his
father had hurt him on the kitchen floor, he returned.

�� The burning reek
that his father sometimes exuded at night reached Yuu�s nose, which wrinkled up
in distaste. His father always acted funny when he smelled like this, and it
often scared Yuu, even though he loved his father.

�� Yuu-chan, what�re
ya doin� ther?� His father slurred, leering down at him.

�� Okaa-san�s asleep, I don�t want you to
wake her up,� he said quietly, looking defiantly into his father�s eyes. His
father raised a mocking eyebrow and chuckled deep in his chest.

�� Protecting yer mother from-me? How
sweet, Yuu-chan,� his father said. �But I kinda wanna see m�wife, so yer gonna
haveta move, ne?�

�� Yuu shook his
head.

�� Looks like I
haveta teach ya a lesson, then,� his father said, and he began to hum a
haunting tune to himself.

�� Sakura, sakura,� his father sang eerily
as he pulled a hand back. At the sixth syllable, his hand left a stinging mark
on Yuu�s cheek.

�� Noyama mo sato mo.� A punch to the gut,
and kick in his groin. Yuu curled into a ball on the wooden floor. He could put
up with this�he had to, or his mother would suffer.

�� Miwatasu kagiri.� Three consecutive and
painful kicks to his stomach. They all hit, despite his attempts to protect
himself by curling up tighter. Tears of pain prickled in his eyes, but he
refused to let them fall. He let out a whine as a fourth kick hit him in the
solar plexus.

�� Kasumi ka kumo ka,� his father went on
singing, raining fists on his legs. �Asahi
ni niou.�

�� Putrid breath hit
his face as his father leaned uncomfortably close.

�� Sakura, sakura,� he sang, one hand
fisting tightly in Yuu�s hair. �Hana
zakari.� He pulled Yuu�s head back, making his neck crack painfully. He
yelled.

�� Sakura, sakura,� his father continued,
punching Yuu in the face. �Yayoi no sora
wa.�

�� Miwatasu kagiri.� Yuu tasted blood. His
lips were bleeding, and two teeth were dangling from strands in his mouth.

�� Kasumi ka kumo ka.� Why was it so hard
to breathe?

�� Nioi zo izuru.� His legs ached, and his
stomach felt like a solid wall of pain. He dimly registered his father kicking
his back in an attempt to force Yuu to uncurl. He sobbed softly and pulled his
arms tighter.

�� Izaya, izaya.� His back arched when his
father kicked between his shoulder blades, and Yuu felt his safe position
unravel.

�� Mini yu kan,� his father sang, finishing
the haunting melody. He kicked Yuu at the bottom of his ribcage and then keeled
over, still humming the song until he passed out.

�� Yuu breathed in as
best as he could, gritting his teeth against the pain. He had successfully
protected his mother. It didn�t matter what it had cost him. He knew he�d be
back here the next night, and the night that followed that. He would never
allow his father to hurt his mother again.

�� It
continued on in a similar manner for several weeks. Almost every night, my
father would punch, kick, and slap at me until I was bedridden. The worst were
the nights when I was too injured to guard the door, and I always heard my
mother�s screams. The next day, she would never leave her room, and after a
while, I gathered that she didn�t want me to see her as she was. The worst part
of those nights was that I couldn�t make any move to stop it. I�ve never felt
so guilty in my life.�

�� Yuu,
you couldn�t have done anything to��

�� I
know that, but it still hurt more than the physical pain.�

�� Lavi
sighed but dropped the subject. �What happened next?�

�� It
got worse.� That was all that needed to be said.

September 29, 1873�Kanda
Household

�� Yuu had fallen
asleep outside her door again. He was jarred into consciousness by a sharp kick
to the head. Looking up groggily, Yuu felt his heart falter at the sight of the
large man above him. The man�s foot was raised as if to deliver another kick,
but instead, it dropped swiftly onto Yuu�s outstretched arm, snapping it like a
twig. This time, he screamed out.

�� Iie!� He cried, his voice ripping from
his throat.

�� Don�t scream like
a fucking girl!� the man shouted, grinding his foot down on the broken bone.
Yuu saw stars, and he moaned and screamed again.

�� Otou-san, yamero!� He shouted, but of
course, the man didn�t stop. Later, when a doctor came to visit, she held his
hand silently as they pulled the bone back into place. His father had told the
doctor that he had fallen from a tree. Thus began Yuu�s reputation as Kanda
Yasuo�s clumsy son.

�� After that, he didn�t hesitate to break
bones. He didn�t do it often, but when it happened, they were never a simple break.
Sometimes, he wouldn�t call for a doctor until after it had partially healed,
just so that I could �enjoy� the pain of them re-breaking it.� Yuu shuddered
against Lavi�s chest.

�� What
about the scars on your head?� Lavi questioned.

�� Those
happened next. It was the New Year, the second time it was celebrated on
January first.�

January 1, 1874�Kanda Household

�� Yuu�s uneven,
short hair stuck out at odd angles, and Yuu found himself loathing it as much
as he was beginning to loathe that man. He had been sitting in the living room,
reading, when he felt a sharp tug at the back of his head. The smell of alcohol
assaulted him. It was too early for his father to be home, but defying all
logic, there he was. Yuu fought the urge to run�he needed to protect his mother.

�� You look like a
girl,� his father thundered angrily. Yuu looked around and gasped in horror as
the man pulled out a sharp kitchen knife from behind his back. �That�s a
problem. Men shouldn�t be girly like you.�

�� He pulled hard on
Yuu�s hair, ripping it out at the scalp. Yuu whimpered. He knew how bad it was
to scream.

�� Don�t snivel like
a girl, Yuu-chan,� his father growled. He brought the knife up to Yuu�s scalp
and began to cut, not caring if he nicked Yuu�s skin or not. Yuu nearly vomited
as he saw a lump of skin and hair fall to the ground at his feet. Blood began
to drip into his eyes, and behind him the man kept hacking away at his head.
Suddenly, the man stopped and kicked Yuu to the floor. Yuu knew what was
following and braced himself.

�� His father kicked
and punched him without mercy, leaving no spot without a bruise. Yuu felt a rib
groan under one of the blows, and his breathing abruptly became harder. He knew
that it wasn�t broken�he had come to be a very good judge of that�but it was at
least bruised, and it smarted when his father hit the same place again. He held
in his whimper, but it was replaced with a low groan.

�� Still making
noises, Yuu-chan?� His father asked menacingly, pushing at his ribs with his
booted foot. Yuu shook his head. At some point, any noise he made had become an
invitation for the man to hurt him further. He hadn�t meant to whimper earlier,
but it had come out anyway.

�� He gasped in pain
as the boot met the sore spot on his rib a third time, and this time he felt it
break. He gritted his teeth. He could get through this. Normally, his father
stopped soon after breaking something. He knew how to keep the authorities
away.

�� That snapped
awfully quickly, didn�t it?� His father questioned mockingly. �That�s the first
time I�ve broken a rib. Tell me, Yuu-chan, did you like it?�

�� Yuu hissed in
another breath. It was getting increasingly hard to breathe while his father�s
foot was placed atop him, bearing down on him like a heavy weight.

�� His father laughed
and walked away, and Yuu sighed in relief as his breathing became slightly
easier. It hurt to move, but he could survive for now. He tried to get up, and
his hand touched something slick and squishy. He looked down, and his stomach
roiled again. Clutching his chest, he stumbled over to the bathroom, barely
making it to the toilet before his stomach rebelled. Every retch brought black
spots of pain to his eyes, and the dry heaves that made him curl up on the
floor made his vision go black.

�� When the nausea
passed, Yuu stood up, shaking in emotional and physical distress. He couldn�t
manage to bathe himself, and he hoped he would be able to before his mother
walked in. Sighing, he looked in the mirror, gazing at his foul hair. He tried
to ignore his lifeless eyes and slack face. He did not smile. There was no
reason to smile, and he hadn�t done so in a long time. The bathroom door opened
behind him. His mother walked in, carrying a pair of scissors. Yuu tried to
hide his flinch. He knew that she would never hurt him.

�� Here, Yuu, let me
fix your hair,� she said, and he did. He didn�t even complain when she used a
cloth covered in sharp-smelling alcohol to sterilize his blood-crusted scalp.

�� When he had been
young, before all of this had started, his father had entertained him with
stories of the crazy Native Americans, who were said to be very violent,
ripping and tearing the settlers� hair from their very heads. It was called
scalping, and Yuu couldn�t help but feel that that was what had just happened
to him. Though his mother tried to fix it, cropping his hair short and evening
out the ends, there were still patches where he was obviously missing some. He
mourned its loss; he had always loved his hair. It reminded him of his
mother�s.

�� Okaa-san?� he asked as his mother put the
scissors away.

�� Yes?�

�� Otou-san said I�m girly. Do you think
I�m girly?� He looked up at his beloved mother.

�� No, Yuu, I think
you are young and have not yet grown enough for your father to judge you like
that.� She bent down to hug him, and the light pressure of the arm going around
his middle hit his broken rib. He yelled for a small moment. He was allowed to
yell around her.

�� Yuu, what�s
wrong?� She asked, her face immediately alarmed.

�� It�s� nothing,�
he muttered, looking away from her. The floor had suddenly become very
interesting.

�� Do not lie to me
about your injuries,� his mother said sternly, and she turned his thankfully
unbruised face back toward hers. She gazed intensely into his eyes, and Yuu
stared dejectedly back. He couldn�t refuse his mother.

�� Broken rib,� he
muttered, trying and failing to wrench his face from her grasp. He flinched as
the movement bothered said rib.

�� We will get you
to a doctor,� she said firmly.

�� It got even worse, of course. That year, I
got a very special birthday present, filled with love from my dearest father.�
Yuu�s voice filled with sarcasm, and he laughed humorlessly. At some point, he
had grabbed Lavi around the waist, and he held the other man tightly. He felt
the redhead�s arms squeeze him for a moment. It was comforting gesture, and
despite everything, Yuu felt better for it. A low, burning feeling filled him,
but it was extinguished the second he began recounting the next memory.

June 6, 1874�Kanda Household

�� Get outta my way,
Yuu-chan,� the tall figure of his father slurred out gruffly, trying to push
Yuu back. But Yuu wasn�t going to move. He knew what happened when he let the hated
man through that door.

�� No,� he said
insolently, his high-pitched child�s voice sounding loud in the quiet of the
night.

�� You heard me,
brat. Outta my fuckin� way!� His father intoned thunderously. Even from a meter
below him, Yuu smelled the alcohol reeking down to tickle his nostrils.

�� No!� He said more
clearly, crossing his arms on his chest.

�� I�ll teach you to
fucking cross me, boy!� The man�s right hand rose up, and Yuu knew what would
come next. He�d lost count of how many times he�d been guarding the door, but
he had come to expect a full-out beating before the tormentor would leave. When
he had first started guarding the door, there had only been a strike or two,
but over the last year, it had grown steadily worse. This time, flesh didn�t
meet flesh. Yuu found himself thrown backward as something hard and cold
crashed against his left cheek. Rank-smelling liquid dribbled down his face,
and he felt the sting of blood rushing from a wound. He put a hand to his
cheek, but something cut at his fingers as he ran them down the length of his
wound. He looked up fearfully at the man in front of him and saw his right hand
fisted over the neck of what had been his bottle of sake.

�� I�ve told you
what would happen if you kept blocking the entrance to my bedroom, but you
didn�t believe me, did you?� His father mocked, smiling widely. He paused, and
then his eyes went wide in some sort of realization. �Oh, it�s your birthday
today. How about a drink, Yuu-chan?� He left Yuu on the ground, walking away.
Yuu sat up, sitting against the door to his mother�s room once more. He knew
his father would be back, and he wouldn�t give the loathsome man the pleasure
of seeing him sprawled on the floor.

�� Not a minute
later, his father returned, carrying three bottles of sake that Yuu suspected
had been filched from his family�s restaurant.

�� Now, which bottle
would you like, Yuu-chan?� He asked, his voice the very parody of playful. Yuu
opened his mouth to respond with a firm �none of them,� but already his father
was uncorking the middle bottle. �I�m sure you�d like this one the best. I�ve
always found I love the strong flavors of muroka
sake.�*

�� He grabbed Yuu in
an iron-tight hold and wrenched his jaw open. Yuu tried to shout, despite the
consequences, but his voice was drowned as the beverage was dumped, too quickly,
into his mouth. He tried not to swallow, but his father noticed and pulled the
bottle back.

�� Don�t waste it,
Yuu-chan!� He hissed, slapping his son hard enough to leave a bruise. Yuu�s
hand twitched at his side, begging to reach up and touch the fresh wound. His
eyes watered as his father rubbed at his throat, making him swallow. The liquid
burned as it fell to his stomach. His father didn�t wait for him to recover his
breath, he just poured more of the foul-tasting beverage down Yuu�s protesting
throat.

�� He sputtered and
coughed, but still his father tipped the bottle, making Yuu drink. Even as he
started to choke, his father mercilessly continued until the bottle was empty.

�� Gone already?� He
asked, pouting. �But you seemed to like it. I think you should have some more,
don�t you?� He prepared the next bottle.

�� Yuu�s stomach
burned as he coughed harshly, spittle and alcohol mixing on the floor below
him. He couldn�t seem to get his breath back, and his throat felt raw, as if
someone had poured fire down it. He barely felt it as the second bottle was
held to his lips, and this time, he had no trouble swallowing it. His throat
was too numb to rebel against the hated, reeking sake. Thankfully, his father
kept the third bottle for himself.

�� He was stupid
enough to feel relieved when his father sat up after finishing his beverage. He
raised the bottle above his head, and Yuu was feeling too woozy to move as it
smashed down onto his left leg. There was muted pain, but he was starting to
see double. He felt another bottle hit his leg, but it looked like his father
was holding three. Something hit him again�his mind vaguely registered that it
must have been the third bottle. He felt a twinge as something tightened around
both his legs, but his mind was starting to shut down, and everything went
black. He heard something rap sharply on the ground, but all other noises were
muted.

�� He woke up
choking, coughing on something foul in his mouth. He turned onto his side, his
hand falling into a pool of something cold and wet as it tried to support his
weight. It buckled weakly, and he hit the ground, vomiting. Dimly, he realized
that he was in a pool of his own sick, but as another wave of puke rose up his
throat, the thought left his mind.

�� When he was
finished, he collapsed into the foul-smelling pool, unable to keep his eyes
open. When he next came to awareness, his mother was carrying him to the
bathroom. She washed his hair first, and then she moved on to his face,
removing the glass from his cheek. She spent extra time ensuring the deep cut
was clean. She moved to the rest of his body, and he screamed when she got to
his glass-filled legs; she gasped in horror at the sight. Grimly, she pulled a
candle next to him and used tweezers to remove as much of the glass she could
find. Yuu tried to stay still the whole time, and only his pained gasps belied
his suffering.

�� Lavi
looked sick. Yuu had pulled back enough to see the man�s face. He was surprised
the redhead had not left him, disgusted by how befouled he was.

�� That
only happened once. I guess the old man figured he didn�t want to waste anymore
sake. He liked to break his empty bottles over my legs, though. I�ve probably
still got glass in them, although my mother was pretty good at getting it all
out.

�� My
father always went to work at the beginning of the day, so I never saw him in
the morning. Whenever I was well enough, I would go outside. I never saw any of
my playmates again. I asked about them, but my mother brushed off the questions
each time. I think she was trying to protect them, since she couldn�t protect
me.� His voice sounded a little resentful, but he didn�t feel that way. He
loved his mother deeply. If he had the choice of going back in time, he wouldn�t
change a thing he had done for her.

�� Did
you hate your mother?� Lavi asked quietly as one of his hands played with the
ends of Yuu�s recently cut hair.

�� Never.
She was the only thing that kept me from running. I only tolerated it because I
thought I was saving her from the abuse,� Yuu said in a monotone.

�� You
thought?� Lavi questioned.

�� I�ll
get to that,� Yuu promised. �Other things happened first. Like when I was seven��
His voice choked out his last word, and Lavi hugged him back to his bare chest.

November 23, 1875�Kanda Household

�� He sat,
bleary-eyed, in front of his mother�s door, just as he did every night. His
father tended to spend many nights out, returning only for dinner before
leaving. Yuu didn�t dare to hope�he had stopped hoping a long time ago. He knew
his father would return, and Yuu knew he�d be the worse off for it.

�� A light moan came
from behind the door, and his heart clenched. His mother was sick, but the
doctor had said it wasn�t contagious. Still, he would never allow his father
near her in her weakened state.

�� A loud crash
followed by the stench of alcohol announced his father�s presence. There was another
small groan from behind the door, and Yuu sharpened his resolve. He heard
footsteps and another crash. There was a frustrated yell as his father fell
through the paper doors that led to the hallway from the kitchen. His father
stumbled to his feet and swayed around the corner. His eyes narrowed as he saw
Yuu.

�� Still here, boy?�
He asked, his speech somewhat clear despite his obvious drunkenness.

�� Always,� Yuu
vowed under his breath. His father didn�t seem to notice.

�� You�re gonna let
me through there today, gaki,� he
growled, the palpable aura of alcohol around him growing in density.

�� No,� Yuu said
defiantly. He heard another small moan from his mother�s room, boosting his
confidence.

�� He was slammed back
into the door.

�� You will let me
through, Yuu-chan,� he ordered.

�� Yuu looked
directly into his eyes. �No,� he responded clearly.

�� His father�s eyes
narrowed, becoming calculating. �I�ll show you,� he muttered. He threw Yuu to
the ground, and Yuu saw stars as his head hit it hard. He gasped as hands
ripped at his clothes, just as they had when he was five. His pants and
undergarments were gone before he could properly respond. He tried to get away,
but his father slapped him back to the ground with a large, forceful hand.
Yuu�s breathing became ragged as he started to hyperventilate. He couldn�t
break his promise, but he remembered that something horrible had happened to
him when he was five, and it had involved something like this.

�� Rough hands
twisted him until he was on his stomach, his face smashed on the cold, wooden
floor.

�� He felt the same
invasive feeling he had felt those two years ago, and he screamed shortly as
pain and memory mixed. A hand fisted in his hair, pulling his head up and back
until his eyes locked with his father. His head burned at the touch. He had
only had his hair cut a week ago, and many of the wounds were still fresh.

�� Don�t scream,
Yuu-chan. Only the whores scream�oh, and your mother, too.�

�� Yuu balked and
gritted his teeth, resolving to never make another sound.

�� His father�s
thrusts became too strong for Yuu�s frail, abused body to handle, and he went
crashing into the ground as the old, perverted man finished up in what was left
of his hair. He screamed again, and he heard a strange, almost hissing, noise
as he lay on the ground, letting the tears escape freely.

�� Sharp pain seared
his back, and Yuu screamed unintentionally.

�� Don�t scream,
Yuu-chan, or are you a whore?� His father yelled from above him, laughing. Yuu
felt another line of pain down his back, and it repeated once, twice� he
couldn�t remember how many times, just that it hurt worse with each blow. He
was a quivering mess on the floor when his father had finished, but he was
beyond screams at that point.

�� I see I�ve made
myself clear,� his father said, whipping him once more. Yuu flinched and
whimpered, but he couldn�t do anything more. He looked up with tear-filled
eyes. His father was holding a blood-drenched belt in his right hand. The end
with the buckle hung limply toward the floor, and as Yuu�s eyes followed it, he
saw small flecks of gore speared around the metal.

�� How many times did this happen?� Lavi
asked. He was shaking, and Yuu had a sinking feeling it was with rage, judging
by how clipped his last word had been.

�� Almost
every other night toward the end,� he replied flatly.

�� Did
he always whip you?�

�� Not
all the time. But two nights before the end, he used the wine bottle to�� his
voice broke off. He couldn�t say it�not even Lavi could make him say it.

�� Those
were the scars I felt,� Lavi stated, but Yuu felt he deserved confirmation.

�� Yes,�
he said, his voice soft and defeated. Lavi pulled him closer, gathering him
until only physics decreed that they could not occupy the same space simultaneously.
Yuu began to shiver a little, but it wasn�t out of cold. After a long moment of
silence, he continued on.

July 8, 1876�Kanda Household

�� He felt proud of
himself. His father hadn�t even tried to enter his mother�s room for a whole
week. Perhaps his presence was actually doing some good. Maybe it was the fact
he was now eight years old or the fact that his father seemed to be going
lighter on the sake, but it all equated to the same thing: his mother had not
been hurt for an entire week. She was good at hiding her pain, but now that Yuu
knew what to look for�that small tightness at the corner of her eyes, the small
hitches in her breaths when she stood up or sat down, the very slight winces
she gave whenever Yuu touched a tender spot�he understood just how good of a
relief the past week had been for her.

�� All pride fell
away like water into a drain when he heard the front door slam open. Alcohol
reeked like an aura around the foul man as he approached, and Yuu�s eyes
widened in real fear as the man grabbed him bodily and threw him into the
kitchen.

�� Your filthy hair
is too long again, Yuu-chan,� his father said, and Yuu heard the sound of metal
against wood as the man pulled out the usual knife. Yuu squeezed his eyes shut
in preparation for the horrible pain that would follow.

�� Open your eyes.
Take it like a man,� his father growled, grabbing Yuu�s short locks in his
overlarge hand. He pulled the knife uncaringly through Yuu�s hair. Yuu
whimpered, a tear falling from his right eye, as the knife caught his ear,
slicing partway through the cartilage. The man stopped his motions and grabbed
Yuu�s jaw with bruising force.

�� Oh, I�ll give you
something to fucking cry about, Yuu-chan. If you�re gonna be a girl, there
better be a good reason for it.� The man slipped from his view, and Yuu let out
a small, relieved breath. He knew something worse was coming, as that
invariably happened after such a comment, but for now, he was simply glad the
hair-cutting knife was gone. He was surprised his hair could still grow, but he
thanked his higher deities that it still did.

�� There was more
metal on wood, but the quality was longer, as was the duration. Yuu�s heart
stopped for a moment, fear dripping into his stomach and chest like an icy
beverage. He gasped as his father slunk back into view, carrying a tomato
knife. Yuu shrank back into himself in terror. His father threw him back on the
kitchen table, where he�d been sitting, and pointed the knife at Yuu�s face.

�� Since you wanted
something to cry about, I�ll give it to you, ne, Yuu-chan?� He wore a sick, gruesome smile that promised a
lifetime of agony. Swiftly, the man sliced down, going from Yuu�s collar bone
down to pelvis, cutting through his jinbei. Yuu tried to stifle his small whine
of pain as the double-pronged serrated knife slid through his skin. Another
tear fell from his eye, and a third one joined it a moment later at the other
side of his face.

�� His father opened
the top of his jinbei, spreading it
until Yuu felt cool air touch his chest. He shivered, more in fear than in
actual cold, but he froze the second he felt the blade on the left side of his
stomach. Pain. Screams�were they his? They couldn�t be, he wasn�t allowed.

�� Hot, burning,
scorching pain inched its way sickeningly slowly up in a curve to his ribs. Yuu
shouted, his scream becoming a guttural screech as the serrated blade sawed at
his ribcage. The cold metal of the blade left his skin, but the pain remained,
and Yuu looked down, horror-struck, at his stomach. His skin was flayed and
uneven, ensuring a large, deep scar. He drew in a sharp breath and winced as he
saw his stomach muscles move underneath. A wave of nausea engulfed him at the
pools of blood sheeting down like a waterfall from his open, gaping wound. He
looked at his ribs and felt bile pool at the back of his throat. He choked on
it, unable to swallow it back down. He could see his first two ribs clearly,
despite the blood, and they had a deep fissure in them. White hot pain emanated
from that area and Yuu fought against the unconscious oblivion his body was
trying to force him into. He couldn�t faint�he couldn�t. If he did, what was to
say he would ever wake up again? In the back of his mind, he felt the tears pouring
out of his eyes at the same fast pace of the blood from his stomach and the
cries and whimpers of pain as he tried to ride it out. He heard a laugh, a
sick, maniacal laugh, above him, and he looked in its direction. He saw his
father with a sickeningly large smile as he giggled over his pain-ridden son.
Yuu decided at that moment that he would never cry again. He would never give
that man the pleasure of seeing it.

�� He didn�t know how
hard it would be to keep that promise.

�� Yuu pulled back again, looking into the
other man�s face for any sign of rejection. He only saw Lavi�s pallor turn a
sickly green, and the man heaved a little.

�� Urgh,�
he said, his voice disgusted as he swallowed. �That�s fucking disgusting.� He
traced a finger across Yuu�s scar, and Yuu trembled under the touch.

�� He
used the tomato knife again later. I was just sitting at the dinner table�it
was a rare day when he was home early�and he pulled off my shirt and started
cutting off bits of flesh with it.�

�� Lavi�s
face turned greener, and he swallowed several times before speaking again.

�� I�m
sorry for ever calling you �Yuu-chan,� by the way,� he said softly.

�� I
don�t hate you for it,� he stated. �I told you before, I don�t� mind it when
you call me that.�

�� Why?�
Lavi�s face was openly curious, as if he couldn�t comprehend Yuu ever wanting
to hear that nickname again.

�� Because
it�s you,� he replied simply. Lavi�s eye softened, and he turned less green. He
smiled slightly at Yuu, but his expression sobered a moment later, all hints of
his earlier look gone. His face was hard again.

�� There
was more, of course,� Lavi said matter-of-factly.

�� Naturally.�

September 7, 1877�Kanda Household

�� His father leered
above him in that way that meant Yuu would be raped again that night. Yuu never
failed to flinch at that expression, though he was much better at hiding it
now. He�d long ago come to the conclusion that being unresponsive was the best
way to get through it. He�d perfected it like it was an art. Every time his
father began to touch him�and the touches began to last longer before his
father did his business�he would begin meditation breathing. It had been hard
at first, but after a while, he was able to go into a nice trance, his mind far
from his body. There, he could float safely above the excruciating pain and
humiliation of having his father pound into him.

�� Something was
different this time, though. As his father flicked a finger over his nipple,
something changed. A disgusting pleasure rippled down his spine, going low. His
father chuckled.

�� It seems you�ve
finally started to like it, Yuu-chan,� he said with a sickening smile. �Let me
help you enjoy it more.�

�� His father�s mouth
went to his collarbone, and Yuu felt the man�s tongue swirl sickeningly along
his old scar. His father bit it lightly, and Yuu felt that nauseating feeling
shoot through him again.

�� Yamero,� he muttered, and his father
responded with a light chuckle.

�� Not when we�re
both enjoying this so much,� his father whispered as his head trailed down, down,
down�

�� Yuu gasped as
something warm and wet covered him. A ghastly moan escaped his lips as his
father�s tongue darted out. He hated this, hated it, hated it�

�� But somehow, his
body was responding anyway, and Yuu didn�t have the presence of mind to go into
his meditative state. His thoughts weren�t coherent. All he knew was that he
hated it, hated the hand running up and down his length as his father gave him
horrible, open-mouthed kisses. A hand went to his backside, and Yuu screamed as
his father inserted two fingers.

�� You�re not a
whore, Yuu-chan,� his father clucked, wagging the fingers inside him as if in
admonishment. Yuu trembled. He didn�t want to be feeling this. The feeling kept
building and building despite his efforts to keep it at bay, and as his father
moved his fingers father into him, brushing on something deep inside him, he
rolled, kicking and screaming, over the edge.

�� Just from that?�
His father questioned. �We�ll have to work on that, won�t we?�

�� Yuu shook his
head, tears of complete and utter humiliation falling like rain from his eyes.
He wanted it all to stop, but his father continued to violate him until the
unwanted feelings were back, until the unwanted feelings crashed over him once
more.

�� That night, as he
was washing himself, the dirty feeling no longer dissipated. It pulsed, strong
and steady, at the front of his mind, and nothing he told himself made him feel
any better. Yuu hated himself. He didn�t deserve to live. But he had to,
because he had to protect his mother.

�� I
was afraid you�d gone through puberty early,� Lavi muttered, his voice
breaking. Yuu realized that the top of his head was wet, and when he looked up
at Lavi, he noted that the other man was crying silently. �It makes
sense�children who are abused normally mature faster out of necessity. I�m so
sorry you had to live through that, Yuu.�

�� I
don�t want pity,� Yuu growled gruffly.

�� It�s
not pity, Yuu. I am sad that you had to live through that, because it�s sick,
what he did to you. No one should have to suffer that, and it hurts to know
that you did.�

�� I�
don�t understand.�

�� I
love you,� Lavi said. �It hurts me to know you�ve been hurt. You know, that
clich� stuff about your pain being my pain and all that. I never really
believed in that until this past week. Seeing you in pain is really hard,
though. I�m so sorry for all I�ve done to you.�

�� You
didn�t do anything,� Yuu replied honestly.

�� I
fucking tried to commit suicide in front of you; how can you say I did
nothing?� Lavi asked tremulously, and Yuu realized that the man must have been
feeling extremely guilty about that.

�� You�re
alive, so it doesn�t matter,� he said.

�� But
it does,� Lavi whispered sadly.

�� No,
it doesn�t.� He continued his tale before Lavi could respond to that again.

October 26, 1878�Kanda Household

�� It was Saturday,
but his father was probably out whoring again. He always did that when his
mother was sick. The sickness had set in two weeks ago, and it didn�t seem to
be letting go. Yuu was afraid that this time his mother wasn�t going to get
better. Over the last few years, she�d been sick on and off. Mostly, she was
too contagious to be around, but this time, she wasn�t. This time, she was
simply too sick to be around.

�� The doctor had
been by the week before�while his father was out, of course�and he had given
Yuu the diagnosis. Malaria. Because of her weak immune system, it was unlikely
that she would survive this one. Indeed, in only two weeks, she had become
bedridden and extremely ill.

�� He walked into her
room with a glass of water and some light soup (if she could keep it down). She
was burning with a high fever, and Yuu replaced the cloth on her forehead with
a fresh, cold one. She gave a hacking cough, but as Yuu went to leave, she
reached out and weakly grabbed his wrist. He stopped moving at once.

�� Yuu,� she said,
her voice thin and soft.

�� Yes, Okaa-san?� He asked, hoping there was
something he could do for her.

�� When I�m on my
deathbed, I need you to come and see me. It�s very important�it�s vital that you come and see me, do you
understand?� Her gaze was piercing, and Yuu nodded immediately. �I need you to
promise me. Will you promise me, Yuu? Do you promise to come and see me, no
matter what, when I�m on my deathbed?�

�� Yes, of course. I
promise, Okaa-san,� Yuu said, and his
mother smiled and let her hand drop.

�� Thank goodness,�
she whispered, still smiling as her eyes closed. Yuu retreated from the room,
unsure of what had just transpired. His mother wasn�t going to die. If she
died, he would, too.

�� He sat outside his
mother�s room, waiting for another request, and he opened a book after an hour
or so. After three hours of nothing, he went into her room, but she was napping
lightly. Satisfied that she wouldn�t be needing anything for a while, he went
to his room, which was next to hers.

�� He heard the
telltale sign of his father coming home, and he sighed, closing his book. Walking
out of his room, he took his customary position in front of his mother�s door.
His father never came back during the day. He couldn�t remember a time when he
had. He thought back to all the afternoons he had spent outside. He hadn�t
heard his father there, although he had been too busy entertaining himself,
reading, or lying under the lotus bushes to pay attention to what happened
inside. A thought struck him. His mother always went inside at about three or
so. Looking at the clock across the hall, he noted that it was 3:12. Fear
wrapped around his stomach. Had all his efforts been for nothing?

�� He shook his head.
No, his mother just went inside because she had such a weak body. The excuse
sounded weak, even to his ears. Hadn�t she always told him to stay outside
until six o�clock every time she went in? Hadn�t he always nodded, glad that he
had more time in the fresh, peaceful air?

�� He went back into
his room, closing the door behind him, and he waited to see what would happen.
His father entered his mother�s room, and after a minute, the yells and screams
began.

�� Yasuo-san, stop!� His mother shouted, and Yuu burst
into the room. Just like when he was five, his father was overtop his mother,
doing to her what he often did to Yuu.

�� Otou-san, get off her,� he growled, not
caring what punishment he got. His father didn�t even look over at him, just
continued assaulting her. �She�s sick! You�re going to kill her!� He screamed,
hoping the neighbors could hear. Perhaps they could stop this. He screamed and
screamed until he felt something hard hitting the side of his face. He heard a
knock on their front door as he hit the ground painfully.

�� Kanda-san,
Fumiko, is everything alright in there?� He heard a voice ask timidly. He
looked over and saw his mother�s friend Emiko at the door. He saw her eyes
widen as she took in the scene. She looked past him, probably toward his
defiled mother, and added, �the police are on their way, don�t worry, Fumiko.�

�� Yuu scrambled back
as his father strode angrily over to his mother�s friend, stepping on Yuu�s
hand as he did so. He grabbed Emiko by the neck and threw her bodily into the
wall. Yuu heard a distinct cracking noise, and he saw blood staining the wall
as the woman fell a few centimeters. Her eyes widened in fear as his father�s
hand tightened around her throat.

�� YASUO-SAN! STOP!
STOP NOW!� His mother screamed, and she thrashed on the bed, trying to get up.
Yuu tore his eyes away from Emiko to look at his mother and saw her tied to one
of the bed posts with his father�s shirt.

�� His father didn�t
stop, not until Emiko had gone still, her wide eyes blank with death. Yuu
shuddered and dragged himself across the floor to his mother. He freed her with
shaking hands, and she pulled him into her arms.

�� His father stood
there for a while, hand still clenched around Emiko�s throat as if her body
would continue to breathe if he removed it. A heavy silence draped itself like
a blanket over the three remaining people in the room.

�� A knock pervaded
the thick air, and his father went to answer the door, checking to see that no
blood was on him. There was none.

�� Kanda-san, is
everything alright here?� An unfamiliar voice asked.

�� Yes, I�m sorry.
The neighbors must have heard Yuu-chan�s tantrum. I�m terribly sorry to have
accidentally brought you out here,� his father replied, speaking sickeningly
politely, as he did in the restaurant. Yuu hated the switch. It was as if his
father was a good man.

�� Ah, you�ve calmed
him down, then?�

�� Yes, he�s just
worried because his mother is sick.�

�� Ah, I�m sorry to
take you away from your wife. Have a good day.�

�� You too, officer.�

�� A moment of fear
passed, and then his father was stomping back into the room, face purple and
livid. As he reached them, he cuffed Yuu hard on the head.

�� I�m due back at
the restaurant. The rest will have to wait until tonight.� He turned to stare
directly into Yuu�s eyes. �You will not get in my way tonight, boy,� he hissed.
Yuu quivered in fear, and his mother�s arms tightened around him, despite her
weakness from fever.

�� They waited for a
long time after his father left before they moved.

�� We�re leaving
tonight, Yuu,� his mother said calmly. He looked up at her and saw a tear run
down her cheek. She let go of her son and walked over to her dead friend. �Oh, Emiko,� she said sadly, cradling the
dead woman in her arms. Yuu watched his mother cry until she was asleep. He was
too small to drag her back to the bed, so he rolled up his futon and brought it
to her room.

�� He packed clothes
for both himself and his mother, and he was shocked at the number of ruined yukatas in her dresser. He really had
been clueless. His father must have returned so many times to beat and rape her
while Yuu was outside, enjoying the fact that there was a world outside of the
house. Guilt berated him, beating him over the head like his father often did.
He hadn�t stopped his mother from getting hurt at all.

�� That night, he
cooked dinner. His mother sat, expressionless, at the table, waiting for the
simple dish he made. She looked at the lotus flowers on the table, and she
began to stroke the petals on one of them.

�� Wait�lotus flowers? I mean, you mentioned
them earlier, but do they have anything to do with��

�� Shut
up, Baka Usagi, I�m getting to that part.�

�� Lavi
shut his mouth, and Yuu heard the click of his teeth snapping together.

�� They ate in the
same silence that had surrounded them since his father had left.

�� His father was
home late, later than usual. As always, the stench of booze surrounded him like
an aura. He sat down at the table and started eating the dish that had been
left out for him.

�� What is this
slop?� He asked nastily. �Did the stupid boy make it?�

�� Yasuo-san, be quiet,� his mother said
sharply. He looked up at her.

�� Whaddid you say?�

�� I won�t tolerate
you talking to my son like that,� she answered, trying to sound firm, but the
weakness in her voice rather lessened the effect.

�� I�ll talk to my
son how I like, bitch.�

�� No, you won�t.
We�re leaving tonight. I just wanted you to know so you wouldn�t bother us
anymore. I will be going to my uncle�s house with Yuu, and he will care for Yuu
when I die. Do not come after us,
Yasuo-san. You�ve already ruined both our lives.�

�� His father reached
over the table, grabbing his sick mother by the collar of her latest yukata. With surprising strength, he
pulled her onto the table and knocked her down so she was lying on her back. He
ripped her yukata as he did whenever
he was too impatient, and he began to hit and kick her. She didn�t make a
noise.

�� Not in front of
Yuu,� she pleaded. His father reached out a hand and slammed Yuu into the
corner of the table. His head hit it sharply, and everything went black.

---

�� The first thing he
saw when he opened his eyes was his mother�s pained gaze. Her eyes were
squinting with distress, and tears fell freely from them. Her face was almost
unrecognizable, her nose smashed and her cheeks sporting large, swollen
bruises. Her breathing was labored, and Yuu wasn�t sure if that was from the
injuries or her illness.

�� He felt himself
being lifted, and he looked up, horrified, into his father�s terrifying eyes.

�� You�re next,
Yuu-chan,� he sing-songed, and Yuu gulped. He knew he would not survive this.

�� His father did not
hold back. Yuu had never known pain so horrible. His father came at him with an
already bloody tomato knife. He gasped. Looking over at his mother for a
split-second, he realized that she was lying in a pool of blood. His father
grabbed his too-short hair, and this time, the tomato knife cut into his head.
Yuu saw his hair fall to the ground. His father had gotten better at not
cutting off his scalp, but he didn�t seem to care tonight, and Yuu hissed as
one cut went past his hairline, causing blood to fall down his face and into
his eyes. Another cut went deeply down the side of his scalp, and he whimpered
at the feeling of knife nicking bone.

�� The knife was
suddenly gone, and Yuu screeched as a new, larger pain went through his left
thigh.

�� How many times do
I have to tell you to be quiet?� His father growled, and he shook the handle of
the knife that was now sheathed in Yuu�s leg. Yuu couldn�t respond, just shook
his head as unwanted tears fell. He was still whimpering, but he couldn�t help
himself. Not even the pain of being raped could be compared to this.

�� Does this hurt,
Yuu-chan?� His father asked in that hateful, almost-playful voice. That
horrible, predatory smile was on his face. �Should I make it go away?�

�� Yuu didn�t like
the sound of that.

�� His father ripped
the knife from his leg, and Yuu screamed. At some point, the blade had become
stuck in the wooden floor, pinning his leg to it. The force of the upward motion
threw his leg up, and small, wooden splinters embedded themselves in the back
of his thigh.

�� He felt his father
kick in three of his ribs, breaking them as if he were stepping on twigs.
Breathing immediately became difficult as one punctured his lung. He coughed,
and blood dripped from his mouth to the floor. A kick in the side threw him on
his back, and then his father had the belt out again. He had long ago learned
how to be silent when his father whipped him, but this time, it was impossible
not to make a sound. He cried out anew with each lash on his back.

�� An elbow hit his
back, and the tomato knife made a reappearance as it slashed through the back
of his pants and through flesh. He knew what was going to happen next, and he
tried to crawl away, but everything hurt,
and he couldn�t move.

�� Thankfully, Yuu�s
body was too injured to react to it, and some of the disgust that lay in the
pit of his stomach lessened at that.

�� His father took a
very long time, each thrust pushing his broken rib farther into his lung. He
finished up and left the room, leaving Yuu a sniveling mess on the ground. It
always happened this way. A few minutes later, he heard his father leave.

�� A sigh of relief
came from his mother, who was thankfully only a few centimeters from him.

�� Yuu,� she
breathed. She coughed for a while, and Yuu saw blood come from her mouth, too.

�� Okaa-san,� he choked back. His words
were thick with the blood that suffocated him. His rib throbbed in agony.

�� Yuu, you have to
live on. Can you promise me you�ll do that?� She asked weakly.

�� I don�t
understand,� he said.

�� There is a spell
that my family learned of, and it can heal you, keep you alive for a full life
cycle. It will keep you from getting hurt and sick. It ties you to the petals
of the lotus. It can only be invoked by someone who loves you deeply and wishes
for you to live.�

�� I still don�t
understand, Okaa-san.�

�� I am dying. I was
dying before this happened. The spell will take my life to invoke it, but I
only have minutes left, so Yuu, please promise me you�ll agree to let me do
it,� his mother pleaded, her voice fading.

�� Yuu nodded and
dragged himself next to his mother.

�� Will you get a
lotus flower from the pot on the table?� His mother asked weakly. He nodded and
stood, despite the pain. His left leg crumpled beneath him, but he managed to
grab the pot, knocking it over as he pulled the bouquet down. Gently, he put
one of the light pink flowers in his mother�s hand. She smiled gently at him.

�� It is invoked
with a promise. Yuu, I want you to find the one person in this world who is
special to you. The one who can protect you and whom you can protect. The one
person with whom you can share a mutual love, like I was never able to. At that
point, the Lotus will keep you alive, and your life expectancy will change to match
that of your partner. Will you allow the Lotus to do that for you, Yuu?�

�� I promise, Okaa-san,� he responded through sobs
that brought up an alarming amount of blood.

�� With this
promise, I hereby tie you to the lotus flower. May you live in good health and
happiness, Yuu.� The lotus began to glow slightly, and something strange
happened.

�� Their two separate
pools of blood mingled, and a thin line of dark red liquid rose up to face Yuu.
It stabbed at him, ripping his shirt to shreds as it came near. It hit his
chest with a pain far worse than the knife through his leg, and Yuu screamed
until his voice was gone. Even then, he continued to let out air, even though
it made no noise. His tears increased exponentially, and he couldn�t keep his
eyes open. His left breast was burning,
and it wasn�t stopping. He wanted to
die�but no, his mother had just told him to live. He needed to live, but the
pain was so awful. He wanted to lay
down and give up, but�

�� The pain stopped
as suddenly as it had begun, and when Yuu looked down on his chest to inspect
the damage, he saw a dark red mark on his scarred chest, just over his left
breast. The mark steadily darkened until it was ink black. The pain in his body
began to recede, as if the mark was pulling it in. He felt the rib his lung
snap back into place with the others. He felt the hole in his lung close.
Wooden splinters fell from his thigh to the floor as that wound closed,
scarring with alarming speed. Blood stopped flowing from the wounds on his back
and scalp, and one by one, the rest of his injuries, old and new, began to
heal.

�� His mother smiled
peacefully as death stole the light from her eyes.

�� He clutched the
lotus flower and ripped his eyes away from his dead mother. He ran over to the
small cabinet where they kept mementos of his grandparents. Dumping his
grandmother�s ashes into his grandfather�s urn, he took the deceased lady�s urn
and carefully placed the lotus flower inside.

�� He put on a new jinbei, wincing as each movement he made
hurt his barely-healed broken ribs and battered body. Pausing only to say
good-bye once more to his mother�s body, he left. He never once turned back.

�� So that�s how it happened. Bookman and I had
always wondered about the origin of that spell. This is the first time I didn�t
want to know something,� Lavi said.
He still held Yuu tightly in his arms, and Yuu was glad the other man was
making no signs of leaving him. �Where did you go?�

October 27, 1878�Japan

�� Yuu ran from the
household of his ruined childhood. He had no money, but dinner lasted him until
he reached the next town around dawn. He collapsed to the ground, panting. His
battered body had begun to feel better the longer he�d run, and now, he could
barely feel any of the pain from the previous evening. He allowed himself to
rest in a nearby alley, and a few hours later, he started to run again, pausing
only to get a long drink from the town�s well. He grimaced at the bitter taste
but was glad for the water anyway.

�� He continued on
his way, always keeping to the road so he could find the next town. He knew
from the maps he had sometimes studied in the afternoons that he would not
reach another village for a few days, and he hoped he�d be able to make it. He
was determined to live for his mother.

�� A raindrop hit his
face, and he put a hand to it. When was the last time he had felt rain? His
mother had never allowed him outside during a storm, saying he�d catch a cold,
and whenever the sky began to even hint at it, she would go inside. Yuu would
invariably follow her. Now he wanted to feel the rain. Maybe it could wash away
the dirt that he felt was inside him. The drops became more and more frequent,
and when it finally started to drizzle lightly, Yuu stopped running and turned
his face to the sky.

�� Hours later, when
the rain had stopped, Yuu stood up, and he continued on his journey. His feet
sunk slightly into the muddy ground, and the wet leaves made him slip several
times. He was covered in mud and sludge by the next time he chose to break. He
did not sleep that night�he couldn�t. He knew that bad things could happen in
the night.

�� He walked onward,
never looking back, even though he was exhausted, starving, and thirsty. By the
middle of the twenty-eighth of October, Yuu fell face-first into the soft ground
and passed out.

---

October 28, 1878�Japan

�� Something was
nudging his shoulder, pulling him from unconsciousness. He cracked an eye open
and yelled, scrambling back a meter or so.

�� There was an old
foreigner with frizzy, light brown hair leaning too close to him.

�� Are you okay?�
The mustached man asked in highly accented Japanese. Yuu could barely
understand him.

�� A sturdy teenager
came up behind the man and placed his hand on the foreigner�s shoulder.

�� His heart is
beating like a bird�s. He is scared,� the teen said, also in Japanese. The
foreigner raised an eyebrow.

�� Oh?� He looked at
Yuu, smiling pleasantly. �I won�t hurt you. Can you tell me your name?�

�� Yuu backed up
further and shook his head.

�� A green light
pulsed from the man�s strange gold and black coat. Surprise lit the man�s
features.

�� Int�ressant,� the man muttered to
himself in a language Yuu had never heard before. He reached into his coat, and
Yuu readied himself to jump up and run past these two crazy people. The man
produced a shiny, red apple and held it out to Yuu.

�� You look
famished. Would you like something to eat?� He said, placing the apple in the
grass next to the road. Yuu�s stomach let out a hungry growl, and he couldn�t
resist the offer of food. He slowly crawled forward, ready to back up if they
struck him, and snatched the apple. He retreated back to his earlier position
and tore into it, the juice running down his face in his haste.

�� I am an
Exorcist,� the man said as Yuu ate ravenously. �I am in an organization called
the Dark Order, and we are fighting an enemy called the Millennium Earl.�

�� Yuu didn�t
particularly care, but he listened anyway, as the man seemed to think this was
important knowledge to impart on him.

�� We fight with
weapons made from something called Innocence. Innocence chooses people to
accommodate with, and one of the pieces in my coat is reacting to you.�

�� Yuu looked up,
genuinely surprised. �So?� He said through a large chunk of apple. He despised
himself for his horrifying lack of manners.

�� I would like you
to come with us and train to be an Exorcist,� the man said, looking relieved
that Yuu had finally said something.

�� No,� he said,
backing further away.

�� I�m really sorry,
but you have to come with me. The Order doesn�t give people choices in the
matter.� His voice was heavy, almost regretful.

�� Yuu dropped what
was left of the apple and ran, hoping that he was heading in the correct
direction. He didn�t care, though, if it got him away from the strange
foreigner and the teenager. Something caught the back of his muddy jinbei, and he went flying up.

�� I�m so sorry
about this,� the foreigner said, sounding sincere, and Yuu felt something hit
the side of his head.

---

�� He awoke a few
minutes later, his throbbing head already feeling much better. He looked up and
saw up the foreigner�s large nose. He was held tightly in the man�s arms, and
he resigned himself to the fact that he was being abducted. He decided to look
at his surroundings, to see where they were headed. As he looked out, they
passed by the spot where his discarded apple was�so he had been going in the
wrong direction�and Yuu cried out when he saw his grandmother�s urn.

�� My urn!� He
shouted, struggling to free himself from the arms that carried him.

�� The bouncing of
the man�s walk stopped, and Yuu felt the man�s chest reverberate as he hmmm�d to himself.

�� Noise,� he said
softly, �would you grab the urn on the ground?�

�� A moment later,
the urn was placed into his hands by the large teenager. Yuu grasped it
tightly, holding it to his chest.

�� How are you awake
so quickly?� The man asked, and Yuu realized he was being talked to.

�� Magic,� he said.
It wasn�t a lie.

�� If you say so,�
the man replied.

�� The man carried
him to the next town, and they arrived long after the sun had set. Yuu tried to
remain as alert as possible but soon found himself drifting off, and he hated
himself for it.� He couldn�t even protect
himself.

�� When he awoke, he
was on a soft bed. Looking around, he flinched when he noticed the teenager
sitting next to him. His eyes were vacant though, as if he couldn�t see. Yuu
attempted to get off the bed, but a large hand reached out and pushed him back
down. He shuddered from the touch.

�� The teenager said
something in a language Yuu couldn�t understand.

�� Ego o hanashimasu ka?� He asked. Yuu
shook his head, and even though the teenager seemed blind, his face lit up in
understanding. �I don�t speak Japanese very well,� he added in stilted
Japanese. �My master does, though.�

�� The hand left
Yuu�s shoulder, and he bolted to the door. Before he could even open it, tiny
strings pulled him back. He didn�t yell out�that wasn�t allowed�but he did
start pounding his fists on the door. After a moment, the door opened, and Yuu
yelped and allowed the strings to heave him back to the bed.

�� Please don�t try
to escape,� the foreigner said. He looked at the teenager. �Noise, deactivate
your Innocence. We don�t want to scare him anymore than he is.�

�� Yuu felt the
strings go slack, and then they were gone. The foreigner pulled a strange,
glowing crystal from his jacket, and he placed it at the end of the bed.

�� I don�t believe
I�ve introduced myself yet,� he said, looking Yuu in the eye. �My name is
General Froi Tiedoll. That green crystal in front of you is your Innocence.
Will you pick it up for me?�

�� Yuu narrowed his
eyes calculatingly. This man was obviously crazy, but at the same time, he had
nothing to lose. It was not like he really wanted to live anyway. If he
accidentally broke his promise to his mother, she would understand, she would
forgive him. Carefully, he reached out a hand and touched the gently glowing
crystal. It flashed and changed form. It lengthened out until it was nearly as
long as he was tall. The glow dissipated, and in its place was a straight, black
blade that ended with a long, sturdy hilt. Yuu recognized it instantly as a
chokuto. He blinked as he heard a whisper in his ear: Mugen. That was this chokuto�s name, he knew immediately.

�� Turning the blade
in his hands, he was surprised by how light it was, as if it was crafted out of
rice paper rather than metal. He wished it was a bit heavier, and suddenly, it
was. It was a comforting weight, neither too light nor too heavy, and it felt
good in his hands. Yuu felt grateful for the foreigner for giving him such a
beautiful, elegant weapon. He brought the edge of the blade near the hilt to
his wrist and pulled it until he couldn�t drag anymore across. He didn�t scream
as his wrist began to bleed profusely. He barely felt the pain.

�� Putain!� Tiedoll grabbed his right arm
and pulled Yuu�s new weapon from him. Dropping it to the floor unceremoniously,
he reached over and seized Yuu�s left wrist. He spoke to himself rapidly, and
Yuu thought that perhaps it was good that he couldn�t understand the man. He gazed
up at the foreigner, but the man was already applying pressure to his wrist.

�� The man froze. �Quoi?� He said blankly. He twisted Yuu�s
arm around, and Yuu let it move, already meditating his mind beyond the present
reality. �O� est la blessure?� He
looked at Yuu again.

�� How did you do
that?� He asked.

�� Magic,� Yuu
replied in a monotone.

�� Pardon?� The man asked, and Yuu figured
he was asking for some type of repetition.

�� Magic,� he said
again.

�� Did you really
cut yourself?� Tiedoll asked in wonder.

�� Can�t you see the
blood?� Yuu asked rhetorically.

�� Ah, yes. Well,
you�ll be needing a bath. You�re horribly muddy, and now you�re covered in
blood,� the General said.

�� Yuu came crashing
down into the present, and he pushed himself against the headboard. He would
not get in the bath with this man. Baths were his own private affair. Even if
the man didn�t do anything to him, he still didn�t want anyone to see all his
scars. His mother had told him once that it was bad for people to see him, and
he agreed. He didn�t want anyone knowing what had happened to him. He screamed
out as the teenager�s arms heaved him over his shoulder. He squirmed, trying to
hit and kick anything that would make the teenager drop him, but the other
kid�s grip remained firm and steady, like a rock.

�� Would you kindly
do it, Noise?� The General asked, and the teenager nodded.

�� Yuu screamed and
flailed wildly as Noise�Yuu assumed that was his name�grimly peeled off his
disgusting clothing and unceremoniously dumped him in the bath.

�� Can you clean
yourself?� He asked bluntly in a soft voice.

�� Yes,� Yuu replied
hurriedly.

�� Good, because I
don�t want to do it. Damn Tiedoll.�

�� You hate him?�
Yuu asked in wonder.

�� He dumped you on
me when it�s obvious you�re old enough to be capable of at least washing
yourself,� he replied grumpily. Yuu decided this teenager wasn�t the worst
person he�d ever met.

�� Could you� not
stare?� Yuu asked, pulling his legs to his chest, hiding his scars and Lotus
Mark.

�� You�re not going
to do anything stupid if I leave, right?�

�� Yuu looked away.
He couldn�t respond, though.

�� I thought so,�
Noise said and dropped himself to the floor. �Besides, I can�t see anything
anyway, so you don�t have to worry.�

�� How can you move
around so well?� Yuu asked as he scrubbed away all the muck that had caked on
his skin.

�� You must have
noticed the objects on my ears?�

�� Yuu nodded, and
the teenager continued, as if he had seen the action.

�� They magnify my
hearing far beyond normal capacity. I see through sound waves, if that makes
any sense. They�re part of my Innocence.� He sounded almost proud, just like
Yuu had felt when he�d first seen his chokuto.

�� As Yuu slowly
washed himself, Noise explained as best he could about Innocence and the Dark
Order. Half an hour later, Yuu finished scraping away the dried blood, and as
he lifted himself from the bath to grab a towel, the door burst open.

�� I�m sorry! I
forgot that I really had to pee!� Tiedoll shouted, rushing in. �I can�t hold it
in any longer!� He paused, staring at Yuu.

�� Merde, mon dieu!� He breathed as he took
in each of Yuu�s scars. Yuu blushed heavily and lunged for the towel, wrapping
it tightly around his chest like�as his father had once said�a woman. �Je comprends� merde.� He turned to his
apprentice. �Noise, take him to the room. I still have to pee.�

�� Yuu was whisked
away and promptly dropped roughly on the bed. He saw Noise covering his face
with a hand and sighing in annoyance.

�� That idiot,� he
muttered. Yuu couldn�t help but agree and found himself nodding. �Do you have
anything else to wear?� He added to Yuu. Yuu shook his head.

�� I suppose that
means I�ll be washing your clothes. Sit tight.� The teenager left the room with
an aggrieved expression on his face as Tiedoll left the bathroom, looking
relieved.

�� He sat on the bed.
Yuu scrambled back, careful to keep the towel covering him. �You poor child,�
the foreigner said. There was something about the pity in the man�s voice that
annoyed Yuu.

�� They sat in
silence. Noise returned with Yuu�s washed clothes and an overlarge shirt, which
Yuu put on hurriedly as Noise hung up his clothes to dry.

�� Would you kindly
tell me your name?� Tiedoll asked softly.

�� Kanda Yuu,� he
said sullenly, picking at the baggy shirt absently.

�� Yuu-kun, will you
tell me what happened?� The man asked kindly.

�� No.�

�� Will you explain
the magic to me, then?�

�� It�s just magic.�

�� He grabbed the
bloody chokuto from the ground and ran the blade down his forearm, slicing it
open. He waited as the wound closed itself and healed steadily until even the
scar was gone. Tiedoll stared, transfixed.

�� How..?� He asked,
probably to himself. Yuu stood up and walked to the pitcher of water on the
bedside table. He rinsed his arm off before looking back at his abductor.

�� Where is my urn?�
He demanded. He needed to see the lotus, needed to see that it was undamaged.

�� It fell from your
grip and broke during the night, I�m sorry,� the man said, looking away.

�� Yuu�s heart
skipped a beat. �What about the flower inside it? Where is that?� He asked
urgently, grabbing the man before he realized what he was doing. He came to his
senses and backed up until he was against the headboard of the bed again.

�� The man reached
into his pocket and produced the lotus flower. Yuu leaned forward and snatched
it carefully from the man�s hand. He inspected it and noted one of the petals
was a bit rumpled, though the rest of it seemed undamaged.

�� Would you like
something to put that in?� Tiedoll asked kindly, and Yuu nodded. If this man
was going to offer him things, who was he to refuse it?

�� Tiedoll
and Noise took me out the next day and bought me clothes. We passed a glassware
shop, and I saw a large hourglass inside. Tiedoll bought it for me, and the
lotus flower has been in it ever since. We traveled through several towns
before we found Mugen�s scabbard, though. We never stayed in one place for very
long, so I didn�t have to worry about my father ever finding me. I still didn�t
trust them, especially Tiedoll.�

�� Did
they teach you to fight at that time?� Lavi asked.

�� No�they
were afraid to let me near Mugen. They knew I�d try to do myself in.�

�� How
many times did you try?�

�� Any
time I found a way, I tried it. By the middle of November, they knew better
than to leave me on my own. Tiedoll wouldn�t even let me bathe alone. He was
convinced I would have tried to drown myself.�

�� Would
you have?�

�� Probably.�
He snorted. �Not that it would have done any good,� he added sarcastically.

January 19, 1879�Port in Egypt

�� They had left
Japan a bit over a month and a half ago, and Yuu was thoroughly sick of the
sea. Tiedoll had said that they were heading toward the Dark Order�s
Headquarters, its main branch outside of London. Reluctantly, they had allowed
him to carry Mugen around with him, as they had noticed his decreased suicide attempts.
Not that he hadn�t tried to throw himself off the side of the ship a few times.
One time, he had almost succeeded, but a crew member had caught him as he
jumped up on the rail.

�� Are you trying to
kill yourself?� The man barked rhetorically.

�� Yes,� Yuu replied
matter-of-factly.

�� Where�re your
parents?� The seaman groaned, looking irritated.

�� Dead,� he said
flatly.

�� Tiedoll ran up.
�Oh good,� he panted, putting a relieved hand to his heart. �Someone caught him
before he jumped. I�m terribly sorry, sir, but Yuu-kun�s a bit�� He trailed
off. He quickly grabbed Yuu and threw him over his large shoulder, walking
swiftly away.

�� I�m just a bit what?� Yuu mumbled angrily.

�� I was going to
say �suicidal,� but I thought that was self-explanatory,� the man replied,
sitting Yuu down next to Noise.

�� Don�t let him out
of your sight, Noise�or, well, your range of hearing, anyway.� Tiedoll walked
off.

�� Yuu sighed as he
stepped onto the beautiful, yellow sand. He was glad to be back on land.
Vaguely, he wondered if there was any way for him to die from sand. He wracked
his brain but could think of nothing, so he resigned himself to another day of
life.

�� There was a huge
explosion, and Yuu turned in its direction. Some of the ship�s new cargo was up
in flames, and Tiedoll stood on the rail holding a large, shining cross in his
hand. Noise stood on the deck behind him, his arms outstretched. Something
glinted in the midday sun, and Yuu noted that the strings of the man�s
Innocence were extended. They had encountered many Akuma in their travels, and
each time, Yuu had had to hide. They killed people by turning them to ash.

�� It clicked.

�� If he was ash,
there was no way he could return from that, right?

�� He went to turn
around, to run toward the foreigner and his apprentice, but the only remaining
Akuma was right there. He didn�t move to get out of the way. It would shoot
him, right?

�� YUU-KUN!� Tiedoll
shouted, and the Akuma seemed to realize that Yuu was important to the General.
It cackled, and its guns primed. Maker of Eden shot out, whiplike, but it was a
fraction of a second too late.

�� Yuu was thrown
back several meters as the bullet struck his left side. Agony seared through
him, but he could handle it�it was nothing compared to what he had suffered at
the hands of his father. It was nothing like the tomato knife or the glass in
his legs or the wine bottle or the belt whip or the�

�� The pain was
receding. Tiedoll was at his side, holding him in his large arms, crying over
the death of his new pupil.

�� The pain was gone,
and Yuu groaned at its loss. Not even the Akuma could kill him? He screamed in
fury at the brightly lit sky.

�� Why can�t I die!?�

�� Tiedoll gasped and
stared down at him, tears hitting Yuu�s forehead. He squinted back up at the
man.

�� How are you�?�

�� Magic,� Yuu spat
out, furious that the Lotus Spell had saved him from completely certain death.

�� You will never
explain that spell on your lotus to me?� Tiedoll asked resignedly.

�� Yuu shook his
head. Even though he wanted to die, Tiedoll had saved him repeatedly. He felt a
small sliver of trust attach itself to the man, and he hated himself for it.
Trusting always got him hurt, just as caring had. He had loved his father,
trusted him beyond measure, and his father had destroyed all that. He had hurt
Yuu so much�

�� He wanted to die,
but one certainty became clear from the Akuma attack. No matter how hard he
tried, he would never be able to die. He sighed and resigned himself to the
fact that he would have to live a long life.

�� As they sailed up
to Italy, Yuu took out his lotus, gazing at it. To his surprise, a petal was on
the bottom of the hourglass. A thin hope swirled its way up his stomach and to
his heart. Perhaps, if he wounded himself enough� But his mother wouldn�t like
that, and Yuu was tired of pain. He was so tired of it. Perhaps, if he could
just seal it all away, it wouldn�t hurt so much�

�� He sighed again.
He could meditate on that later. He lay back on his bed in the small, cramped
room and gave up the idea of finding ways to kill himself. It would never
happen, no matter how much he wanted to die.

August 22, 2013, 1:37 AM�The Dark
Order, Kanda�s Room

�� Yuu,� Lavi
whispered, sounding heartbroken as he pulled him back into his chest. Again.

�� Hmm?� He asked,
too drained from relating everything to open his mouth.

�� You said you
wanted to die?� He asked, though it was more a statement.

�� Yes,� Yuu
replied, his arms sliding once more around Lavi�s waist.

�� Lavi pulled back
just enough to look Yuu in the eyes. Yuu was startled by how green the other
man�s solitary eye was. �Do you still want to die?�

�� Yes.� He tried to
say it flatly, without emotion, but his voice shook with his long-repressed
grief. He saw nothing but sad understanding in Lavi�s eye.

---

A/N: Holy shit. Not only did that take nearly a week to write, it took
nearly three hours to edit. Today.

*Muroka sake=non-carbon
filtered sake that has been pressed and separated from the lees. It is clear,
and it has a stronger flavor, because it is not filtered. (paraphrased-ish from
Wiki)

*Ego o hanashimasu ka? = do
you speak English?, Gaki = brat

*The French: Int�ressant=interesting,
Putain = whore, but in this case, it
is used to mean �fuck,� O� est la
blessure? = where is the wound?, Merde,
mon dieu = shit, my God, Je comprends�
merde = I understand� shit. :D

Anyway� now you know! Sorry for the long Kanda-torture. But this is his
turning point�from here, everything will eventually be a-ok! :D
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