Still Raining

Still Raining
Sequel to: On the Street of Dreams
Written by: chochowilliams
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Summary: Ayaka is used to getting what she wants and what she wants now is Eiri. And she’ll do whatever it takes to make him hers. Anything.
Chapter Summary: While Ryuichi comes clean about Shuichi’s birth, Shuichi sits down with the possible father of little Takanori.
Warning: fantasy, angst, drama, romance, m-preg, language, m/m, hentai, Ryuichi/Tatsuha, Eiri/Shuichi
Inserts: --
A/N: Thank you to kaname-luvr, Selina, CrimsonBlood363, ferler, KagomeGirl021, stoic-genius, secret hidden within me for your reviews. I know. I know. I keep saying Shuichi will confront Kizou about getting a DNA sample, but in the end, I keep putting it off. But it is turning out to be very difficult to write the scene for some reason.

+---+---+---+

Last Time

They rounded another corner and suddenly Kizou’s office was within view. It was the last door at the end of the hallway not more than fifteen feet away. His confidence suddenly evaporated. Shuichi lost his footing, but was able to catch himself before he made a complete spectacle of himself. The knowledge that with each (shaky) step forward, he was getting that much closer to his ex-lover and possibly the father of his son had his pulse racing. He gulped nervously.

This had been a bad idea. He should have stuck to his guns. What was the point of discovering whether Taki Aizawa was little Takanori’s biological father or not? Or whether or not his suspicions were justified or not? Eiri would, now and forever, be little Takanori’s father. That was it. End of story. There would be no prequel. No sequel. Nothing…

…But…

What about little Takanori? Was Eiri right? Would he want to know the truth when he was older? Maybe. Possibly. Or maybe Eiri was wrong. It was possible for Eiri to not be right all the time, whether Eiri wanted to admit or not. There was always the chance that little Takanori might not want to know who his biological father was. Maybe the truth wouldn’t matter to him. Not everyone wanted to know the details surrounding their birth.

“Are you sure?”

Narata’s voice drew him out of his thoughts. Blinking, Shuichi glanced around and noticed that they were in front of Kizou’s office. Already? Not trusting himself to speak, he could only nod.

“Shu…” Narata sighed. He wasn’t too sure about any of this, but if this was what the other man wanted, who was he to stand in his way? “Okay. Wait here a sec.”

Shuichi merely nodded.

Narata continued to watch him, study him, for several silent seconds longer, before turning to knock sharply on the office door.

“Yes,” the muffled reply barked.

Narata opened the door, stepped inside, and shut the door behind him.

Shuichi gulped. This was nuts. This was seriously nuts. The urge to just turn tail and return to Tokyo and forget why he made the journey all the way out here in the first place almost too strong to ignore. Almost. And that was just enough to keep his feet firmly planted.

The door opened and Narata, looking grim, appeared. He stepped aide and swung the door open. He waved him inside. “Kizou said he’ll see you.”

Sweating and a bundle of nerves, Shuichi squared his shoulders, took a deep breath and stepped into the office.

Here goes nothing.

+---+---+

Chapter 12: A Thousand Words Never Said

Sakuma-Uesugi Residence - Koishikawa Park Tower - Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo, Japan

It was too quiet.

Tatsuha glanced quickly over his shoulder. The door separating the hallway where he and his nephew (or was that step-grandson?) were playing from the living room where Ryuichi and Eiri were speaking was shut. He wished he knew what was going on in there. It was just too quiet. If he were in his brother’s shoes, he was not sure how he would react to such shocking news. Actually, scratch that. He did know because he had been where Eiri was at this very moment.

He had not taken the news very well, to say the least.

According to the contract Ryuichi signed with L8r Records, Ryuichi had not been allowed to reveal that he had a child while he was under contract (in any capacity) with the record company, so years before L8r Records collapsed had, technically, been a serious breach of said contract, but of course, what L8r Records did not know and all that.

Here it was, five years after he learned about Ryuichi’s love child, and Tatsuha was only just beginning to understand and appreciate what a huge risk Ryuichi had been taking by confessing the secret he was being cuckolded into not only accepting but also keeping. Even though Ryuichi had completely understood the risk involved at the time, he still came clean.

“I want there to be no secrets between us.”

Doing so could have cost Ryuichi everything, quite literally, had it leaked (most likely from Tatsuha’s fat teenaged motor mouth) that he had gone against the contract he’d signed that prohibited him from speaking about “the incident”, as L8r Records had referred to it.

“Me, too.”

At the time, though, instead of being sympathetic towards Ryuichi’s plight (who’d been stuck between the Devil and the deep blue sea), he’d been so angry with him for keeping something “this, this HUGE!” from him.

“I…I have a son.”

The red rubber ball bounced off his thigh and hit the wall.

From the opposite end of the hallway, Little Takanori started jumping up and down with a big, toothy grin.

“Ready?” Tatsuha called to the two year old.

“You have what?”

Little Takanori sat down on the floor and imitated Tatsuha by spreading his legs out in a v. “Ready,” he called back. At least that was what Tatsuha assumed was said. Sometimes, it was hard to tell. Shuichi never seemed to have any trouble understanding what his son was saying. Maybe it was a mother thing.

“A son.”

Using both hands, Tatsuha rolled the ball down the hall to little Takanori.

“Yeah right.”

At first, he hadn’t believed Ryuichi. Why would he? Everybody has secrets. It was inevitable. But pretending you liked a certain movie or food or something of that nature because you did not want to hurt your partner’s feelings was not the same as keeping the fact that you have a child a secret. Some lies can be worked through and around. Others not so much. When Ryuichi decided to ambush him with something as startling as “I have a son” after being together for over a year, really, how was he expected to react? With smiles and good cheer? He’d thought, at that point, the two of they had known everything there was to know about one another. Oh, how wrong he’d been.

“I was thirteen when his mother got pregnant.”

They’d been cuddling on the sofa late one night having a movie marathon of Inuyasha -The Movie one and two (at Ryuichi‘s insistence), Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, the Bourne Supremacy and Ryuichi had been trying to get him to watch the Notebook (which wasn’t going to happen even if what followed hadn’t of happened).

“I was fourteen when he was born.”

Call it by whatever name you wanted, but a surprise attack by any other name was still an ambush.

“I was forced into giving him up by L8r Records.”

He still hadn’t believed Ryuichi. There was no way he could. He did not want to know that Ryuichi had been lying to him all this time.

“…Not funny, Ryu.”

He’d heard horror stories before then from Ryuichi about what L8r Records had done in order to maintain such a “squeaky clean wholesome” image. Without the image, they believed they wouldn’t be able to compete in the music industry. At first, he hadn’t believed the horror stories either. Surely, Ryuichi was exaggerating. Why type of company would be capable to doing such despicable things? But at album release parties, both Nittle Grasper’s as well as ones Nittle Grasper was invited to, and other functions thrown by L8r Records, he heard similar stories from other artists, so he’d been forced into believing they were true after all. As they weren’t called horror stories for nothing, Tatsuha to this day hoped there was some exaggeration involved. Either way, knowing what he knew about the infamous record company, it wasn‘t such a farfetched notion that they would force one of their artists to give up a child for adoption or force one to have an abortion. What he hadn’t been able to believe was that Ryuichi had, (1), lied to him and (2), had previous sexual partners before him, and at such an early age.

“I wish it was.”

While he was still trying to wrap his mind around the very real fact that Ryuichi had lied to him for not only the year they’d been together, but the entire length of time they’ve known one another, Ryuichi told him everything: from catching a glimpse of a cute older boy backstage in New York City to when Yuki threatened to jump off the roof of L8r Records several months later.

“I’m sorry, Tatsuha.”

If only sorry was enough, but it hadn’t been, not back then. He’d been young, naïve and stupid. They say wisdom comes with age. It was a cliché saying for a reason. It was true.

That night had been the first and only time he ever laid a hand on Ryuichi in violence. The press had had a field day when they spotted Ryuichi sporting bruises. L8r Records had been none too pleased either.

But if that was how he had reacted to the news, he wondered how his brother was doing.

+---+---+

In bold, black script at the top of the birth certificate was “Kyoto Memorial Medical Center”, which was the name of the hospital in which Shuichi was born. At least that much had not been a lie. Below that, “Kyoto City, Kyoto”, which was where the hospital was located, was printed in the same flowing script, albeit in smaller font. A black and white photograph of what he was assuming was Kyoto Memorial Medical Center was centered underneath that. Unlike the flimsy, paper thin, yellow certificate of registration he had discovered his son drawing all over, this one was a cream color, possibly discolored by age, and was nearly twice as large. The paper was of a much sturdier stock as well. “This certifies that SHUICHI KARISHMA SAKUMA 7 lbs. 10 oz., 22 inches was born to MR. RYUICHI S. SAKUMA & YUKI O. KITAZAWA in this Hospital at 12:34 Pm on the SIXTEENTH day of APRIL 1992,” Eiri read. At the bottom were places for the signatures of the attending physician as well as the president of the hospital. The line where the attending physician was supposed to sign was blank. In the left hand corner was a gold seal with the name of the hospital etched in raised script around the outer edge and a year in the center. He was assuming the date was the year the hospital was founded.

Even though he had the evidence in his hand, he still could not believe it. He refused to believe it. It was too ludicrous to even dwell on. It should not even be a possibility to consider. It was like a story line from a soap opera. He was more likely to believe that this was Ryuichi’s idea of a sick joke then he was to believe this was an actuality. There was no way it could be true. Yes, he knew their situation was not a unique one. In fact, he’d heard something similar happened to actor Jack Nicholson. It was surprising how un-unique this whole affair was, but it was still one of those incidents that happened to other people and not you.

Next time on Maury, my brother is my father.

He could hear the redneck jokes now.

“Here.”

Eiri blinked up at Ryuichi when the older man shoved what turned out to be a photograph under his nose. It was a photo of a young Japanese male leaning against the side of a black sports car. It appeared to be a Mustang, but he was not certain. In the background was a brick wall covered in graffiti. He glanced from the picture to his brother-in-law (or was that father-in-law?) who was walking away from him towards the patio doors. “Who’s-?”

“It was June the first time I saw him,” Ryuichi interrupted as if he hadn’t heard Eiri. With his arms crossed over his chest, he stood before the sliding glass windows that opened onto a wrap around patio.

Him? As in the man in the photo? What did this guy have to do with Shuichi?

Wait!

Eiri glanced at the birth certificate he was still holding. Yuki O. Kitazawa. He’d seen the same name on the certificate of registration. Was this the Yuki Kitazawa in the photograph? Did that mean this man was Shuichi’s mother? If so, that meant Shuichi’s birth mother was a neutral.

“Just like mine,” he murmured.

“It was backstage at Radio City Music Hall for Ani-Con.”

“In New York City?”

Ryuichi nodded. The sun was out, but despite the sun’s rays that were washing over him, warming his skin, he felt cold. There was not a single cloud in sight. The sky was a deep blue that seemed to stretch endlessly. It should have been a breathtaking view. A flock of birds soared passed, vanishing out of sight, but what he saw was not Tokyo in summer, but events from eighteen years ago. “I didn’t get the chance to talk to him then. We were rushed out of the Hall right after our set. It wasn‘t until we were playing at Zepp Tokyo a couple weeks later that I actually got to meet him.”

Eiri’s head snapped up and around at that. There was a look of incredulity on his face. “He followed you from America to Japan?”

Again, Ryuichi nodded.

That should have raised a series of red flags. Obviously, it hadn’t given the events that followed. Seeing Ryuichi had been only thirteen at the time, Eiri could see why Ryuichi wouldn’t have thought twice about him just suddenly reappearing. “And he’s…?”

“Yuki Kitazawa. He’s…” Ryuichi ran his tongue over lips gone dry. His mouth was parched. “He’s Shu’s mother. His birth mother,” he corrected.

So he was right. “He’s a neutral?” It was more statement than question.

“I didn’t know that until much later though.”

Eiri’s eye twitched. He swallowed the retort that was clawing it’s up his throat. How could you not know? Those words were demanding to be let out, but he could not very well ask that question when he’d overlooked that very same fact when he first met Shuichi, Tohma still teased him mercilessly about that, and he’d been twenty-two at the time. Ryuichi had barely been out of diapers.

“There is a clear difference, is there not, Eiri?”

“We had one night,” Ryuichi whispered. “One.”

“That’s all it takes,” Eiri said back.

Ryuichi nodded. That was for sure. One night changed his life forever. Dropping his arms, he turned away from the breathtaking sight of the city. On a glass shelving unit against the far wall was a photograph in a faux wood frame. He crossed over to the unit and picked up the photograph. He ran a finger over the protective sheet of glass. Shuichi was one year old in the picture. Sitting in a brown cardboard box in the middle of his parents’ living room with a big red bow in his hair, it was the type of bow placed on top of presents, surrounded by a sea of familiar and unfamiliar faces. He remembered Shuichi had been more interested in the boxes the presents had come in than the cards or the money or even what was inside the boxes.

“Do you love him?”

Ryuichi shook his head.

“Did you?”

Sighing, Ryuichi set the photo back on the shelf. “I’m…not sure.” That was the truth. Sometimes he thought the answer was yes and other times it was a vehement no. There was one fact he knew for certain was true. “I was attracted to him.” Rounding the dining table, he stepped down from the raised platform and crossed the living room to the armchair opposite Eiri on the sofa.

He could still remember that night at Zepp Tokyo. After the show, he’d stepped offstage with Tohma and Noriko in tow, still riding the high from a very successful concert opening for Peace District (which eventually disbanded after four unsuccessful follow up albums), and there he was, leaning casually against the far wall, acting and looking as if he belonged. Their eyes met, locked and everybody else in that instant vanished. He’d walked up to that boy, not hearing Tohma or Noriko or their manager calling out to him, said hi and until the sun rose the next morning, there’d been nothing and nobody else other than Yuki.

“Then what?” Eiri prodded.

Ryuichi sighed. He leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling. “I left before he woke up.”

Part of him still felt guilty about doing such a cowardly thing, but he’d been a virgin before meeting Yuki, in every sense of the word and he’d been…He’d woken up after a night of passion and after the realization set in that he’d just spent the night having sex with some guy he didn’t even know, there’d been such an intense feeling of regret that he’d let his hormones do all the thinking and that he‘d allowed this much older boy to seduce him that he‘d felt literally sick to his stomach. Part of him had been ashamed that he‘d so such a thing with another man, ashamed that another man could make him feel this way. He woke a very different kid than when he walked into the hotel room and that had scared him. It was all too much too fast.

“Yuki…What I didn’t know at the time was that Yuki had become obsessed with me after that concert in New York so he wasn‘t going to just let me walk away. He started showing up everywhere I was and try to talk to me, but I just kept brushing him off, pretended I didn’t even know who he was.”

If only he’d known…!

…But what if he had known? Then what? What would he have done? Honestly, if he would have realized just how unstable Yuki really was, he might never have slept with him. But if he wouldn’t have slept with him then Shuichi…Ryuichi had to force himself to swallow around the knot in his throat. His son never would have been born. The horror of that scenario was not one in which Ryuichi wanted to dwell upon. He shuddered at the endless possibilities.

Go back in time and stop yourself from killing a fly and a tsunami washes an island nation out of existence.

Maybe if he would have confronted the changes taking place within him instead of running away…?

No. Even if he had accepted the truth of whom and what he really was back then, it wouldn’t have changed anything. Yuki was mentally unstable. That much was made crystal clear when he stood on that narrow almost non-existent ledge on the roof of L8r Records and threatened to jump if Ryuichi did not do what he said. Yes. Nothing would have changed. If he would have run away with him…if he would have taken the hand that had been outstretched towards him…if he would have given in to those large, pleading violet eyes, eyes their son had inherited…Eventually something similar would have happened again. The next time something happened that Yuki did not agree with, they would be back to where they started. Only things might not have ended the same way.

“I didn’t even find it weird that he seemed to show up everywhere I was. I mean, we were starting to make a name for ourselves and it’s not as if he was the only one. There was always a crowd of fans and paparazzi that seemed to pop up out of nowhere. It didn’t matter where we were. It wasn’t until later that I realized he was stalking me. At one point, he even tried blackmailing me into going out with him.” Ryuichi scrubbed his hands over his face. He was tired. God was he tired. Maybe it was a good thing the truth had been discovered. “Eventually, I grew tired of his crap and agreed to meet with him. I told him that I wasn’t interested. That we’d had one night and that was it. That I’d moved on…After that, I didn’t hear from him again. Occasionally I would find a letter or something on my doorstep, or it would arrive at the studio, and sometimes it felt as if I was being followed, but I never noticed anybody in particular and it never escalated, so I thought maybe I was just being paranoid, or something, and that maybe he’d actually gotten the message.”

Silence greeted the end of monologue, interrupted occasionally by the low murmur of Tatsuha’s voice and laughter from little Takanori.

“Seeing you didn’t know Yuki was a neutral, you didn’t know-?”

“That he was pregnant?”

“Yeah.”

“No.” Ryuichi shook his head. “I had no idea. It wasn’t until he showed up at L8r Records that January during a snow storm, six months pregnant, that I realized the truth.”

The truth being that not only was Yuki a neutral and expecting their child come April, but he was clinically insane. He was willing to do whatever it took in order to make sure Ryuichi’s eyes were always on him.

Standing there on the ledge hurling threats in the middle of a blizzard without shoes, without a coat or any sort of protection against the extremely, paralyzing winter weather except for a pair of jeans and a short sleeved T-shirt. One minute he was the boy he’d made sweet love with that night back in the summer. Just a boy pleading to be given a second chance.

“Love me Ryu! Please! Whatever I did, I’m sorry! I’ll change! I’ll-I’ll…I’ll do whatever it is you want. Please! Just give me a second chance!”

And then the next, Yuki would undergo a transformation. It wasn’t a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde sort of metamorphosis. Physically he would remain the same boy who had just been full of so much remorse. What would change were the eyes. There would be this crazed, insane look to them suddenly and it was in those moments that you knew. You just knew. He was crazy. He was most definitely crazy. The threats he was spewing were not idle ones. He means exactly what he is saying.

“If you don’t love me, Ryu, if you don’t say we can be a family, I swear in front of all these witnesses that I will jump!”

Though it happened so long ago, he could remember that dreadful day so clearly. Other than the day Shuichi was born, it was one of the clearest memories he had. One that he wished he did not have any recollection of. That day he very nearly lost everything before he even realized he had it all. He could remember thinking at that moment that he would say whatever it was that Yuki wanted to hear. He would do whatever was needed of him if it meant stopping Yuki from jumping. It wasn’t as if he had any special feelings for Yuki. Not really. Or at least that was what he’d told himself then (and still did); especially after Yuki had turned around at the sound of his voice

“Yuki! What the hell are you doing?”

and he’d seen first hand the pregnancy-swollen belly. There’d been no doubt in his mind that the child Yuki was carrying was his. After all, it was he Yuki had been obsessing over. Yes, he may have come to terms with his attraction to boys (he’d still refused to believe that he wasn’t also attracted to girls at this point), but one had nothing to do with the other. He just hadn’t been ready for that sort of relationship. Not yet. But that did not mean that he wanted Yuki to die. Besides, he’d been so confused! He’d thought, up to that point, that Yuki had been a normal male, but seeing his engorged belly…Everything changed in an instant.

“No! Yuki, please!”

He’d said it. The promise had been made and in front of half of L8r Records. Would Yuki believe him and come down from off the ledge or would he call his bluff? For an instant, when their eyes met and Yuki smiled, he truly believed Yuki believed him, but then….

Thank God for Eiji. If the aging security guard would not have been there when Yuki stepped off the ledge…

Ryuichi shuddered. That was something he refused to think about.

At first, he’d thought maybe Yuki had simply lost his balance. The ledge had been quite narrow after all. But that wasn’t the case. Looking back as the man he was now, he realized something that he hadn’t, or maybe refused to acknowledge, back then. Yuki really had been set on jumping from the very beginning. He’d gone to L8r Records deliberately, knowing that was where Ryuichi was working on Nittle Grasper’s new album. There’d been no bluff involved. It hadn’t been a scheme to simply garner his attention. To Yuki, it hadn’t mattered that he was pregnant. Nothing would have budged him from that ledge. Nothing. Not even hearing Ryuichi proclaim his love. He could have promised Yuki the moon and it wouldn’t have changed anything. In Yuki’s mind, his affections had been scorned and ridiculed and ignored and mocked one too many times. His heart had been torn out and ripped in two. Jumping, and making sure it was in front of plenty of witnesses that would know of the cold-heartedness that was Ryuichi Sakuma, would serve as a lifelong sentence for the crimes Ryuichi had committed against him.

It’d been the look in those violet eyes. The eyes of a madman had been looking back at him. It turned the smile of gratitude into a sinister smile. All Yuki had been waiting for was the signal and Ryuichi’s agreement

“I’ll do anything! Whatever you want! Just please, come down from there! Please!”

had been that signal.

“What happened to him?”

With tears he wasn’t even aware he was shedding, Ryuichi whispered around the lump in his throat, “The same place he’s been ever since. Yowa Hospital.”

The name sounded vaguely familiar.

“It’s a psychiatric hospital here in Tokyo.”

Eiri stared down at his husband’s birth certificate, but what he saw wasn’t the cream-colored certificate with its flowing, black script. His mind was elsewhere. At the same time, it was nowhere. It was a lot to take in and a lot to think about, but he did not want to think about it. The tale was so incredibly preposterous and nonsensical that he had no other choice but to believe it.

But there was one aspect Ryuichi hadn’t touched upon yet. If he truly was Shuichi’s biological father and this Yuki character who was locked up in some looney bin was his birth mother, then why was it that Shuichi believed the Shindous were his parents?

“Ya know…”

Ryuichi’s soft voice broke through Eiri’s thoughts.

“I’m not sure if Yuki set out to do this deliberately, but…” Once again, Ryuichi ran his tongue along his dry lips.

“Is that what you want, huh, Ryuichi Sakuma? Because I swear to God that I will jump and take your son with me! Do you want that on your conscience? Huh? Just one little promise Ryu! Please!”

Making that announcement with half of L8r Records on that roof behind him was the catalyst that eventually forced him into signing away his parental rights to his only child.

“What the hell do you mean you were forced to sign away your rights?”

Tired, Ryuichi sighed. It was going to be a very long day.

+---+---+

Shindou-Uesugi Residence - Koishikawa Park Tower - Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo, Japan

Mai was not sure how long she has been standing in front of the glass enclosed entrance or how many people have come and gone since she arrived however long ago it was. The same doubts and reservations kept plaguing her. They kept buzzing around her head like annoying flies, keeping her from taking those final steps needed to finish the journey she had started so early this morning. Like the flies they were imitating, she’d swat at them and for a brief moment, there would be a reprieve, but then they’d return with a bunch of their friends.

Would coming here turn out to be a huge mistake? She was so worried that when Shuichi saw her standing there at his door, all the misery, the feelings of abandonment and the extreme loneliness that used to possess his every waking moment would come flooding back just as he was finally learning to smile. From what she saw in the magazines and in the tabloids and on those various entertainment news programs, Shuichi seemed to be genuinely happy and she did not want to be the reason why the smile that had captured all of Japan was wiped from his face.

She could not be prouder of her son.

Ever since he was little, Shuichi wanted to be a singer like his big brother. Nothing else had ever interested him. He’d go around the house pretending his hairbrush was a microphone singing at the top of his lungs along with the radio or one of the countless Nittle Grasper CDs Ryuichi had given him. Of course, Morihiro had been none too pleased with Shuichi’s chosen ambition of walking in Ryuichi’s footsteps, but it had only been because he’d wanted him to not go without. There was no guarantees in the music business. Talented people like Shuichi were either trampled over or chewed up and spit out daily. But Shuichi had beaten the odds and here he was the lead singer of his very own band, a pop/rock band that was rising in popularity a little more each day. It was a dream come true. Not only was he living his dream, but he was also married to a wonderful man who seemed to worship the ground he walked on. They even had a son and were expecting another child sometime in the new year.

It was because he seemed happier now than she’s ever seen him that she was questioning whether this was a good idea. Maybe she should just turn right back around and head home?

“Funny. He always said his mother was locked away in some loony bin.”

That was right.

She had to speak to him, if for nothing more then to ask him what he’d meant by that. First, she had to know if he’d actually said it. If it turned out he had, then to whom was he referring? His birth mother? Or had it just been some lie spewed by an over protective neighbor? Or had it been a lie he himself told in order to glaze over the fact that they’d had a falling out? She’d never been told the details surrounding Shuichi’s conception and subsequent birth. She knew nothing of his birth mother. All she knew was what Ryuichi told her and that was very little. All he would say was that his boss at L8r Records was trying to blackmail him into giving up his son for adoption. No matter how much she pushed, he refused to say anything more about it. Therefore, she was not sure if Shuichi’s birth mother was actually locked up in some psychiatric institution or not. What if she was? How would Shuichi know? Had Ryuichi decided to tell him the truth? With L8r Records’ demise, Ryuichi was now free to do so, but he would give her a head’s up first…Right?

She shook her head to clear it. Either way, this was something she had to know.

Squaring her shoulders, she took a deep breath to calm her suddenly racing heart and strode confidently across the sidewalk towards the glass enclosed front entrance to the condominium complex. It did not occur to her that Tohma Seguchi had chosen this particular building specifically for its secured front entrance for his family as she reached the door, thus making it impossible for her to enter unless she had a key or was buzzed in, because just as she reached the doors, a gentleman in a black business suit stepped out into the humid afternoon. Seeing her coming, the man held the door open graciously for her.

She thanked him.

The man bowed politely in return before vanishing amidst the lunch crowd.

Mai stepped into the air-conditioned building, shivering at the sudden change in temperature, and walked confidently across the lobby with its gleaming marble surfaces for the elevator bank. The call button lit up when she pressed it. As she waited, she pulled out the crumbled piece of paper out of her purse on which she had written the address her daughter had given her. They lived on the eighth floor apparently.

A pinging echoed suddenly into the silence.

When the elevator doors slid open, Mai stepped into the car and pushed the button for her son’s floor. As the door slid shut, she prayed that Shuichi was home and was willing to see her.

+---+---+

Black Dragon Compound - Kita-ku, Kyoto, Japan

They were staring wordlessly at each other over the cherry wood desk when Narata entered fifteen minutes later with tea. Tension hung in the air so thick he could taste it. It coated his tongue and left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. It was almost like a rolling fog. The kind often referred to as “pea soup”. It moves in so swiftly and so quietly that before you know it, you find yourself lost in a white void of nothingness. It was a wall behind which everything vanishes and it was making him extremely nervous. Maybe agreeing to allow Shuichi to meet with Kizou had been a bad idea.

Clearing his throat lightly, garnering Kizou’s immediate attention, he entered the office carrying a black lacquered tea tray. On the tray was a teapot with taupe blossoms cascading down the sides from the lid. They stood out sharply against the plum background. Steam billowed out of the spout. Beside the teapot were two matching teacups.

“Ah! Narata,” Kizou greeted warmly. “Thank you.”

“Sir,” Narata inclined his head in return. He set the tea tray down on a free spot on the desk and poured Kizou a cup of tea first. Next, he turned towards Shuichi, but the singer shook his head. It was not lost on him that both Kizou as well as Shuichi looked relieved at his return.

This was going to be a long visit.

“Not thirsty?” Kizou asked.

Narata stiffened.

To those who did not know Kizou well, it would only sound as if he was simply asking a question in order to satisfy his curiosity. Maybe he was just concerned about the comfort of his guest. A host must be gracious to his guest after all. But to those who did know him, as both Narata and Shuichi did, they heard the carefully veiled underlining note.

Kizou blew gently at the steaming liquid. “Or is it you don’t trust me?” He took a tentative sip. “This is very good, by the way, Narata.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

Shuichi glanced down at his clenched hands in his lap through an abrupt blur of tears. A well of sadness engulfed him at the biting words tossed so casually at him. Did Kizou hate him? He understood now that what Kizou did two years ago, spewing those harsh words, dragging him bodily from the house and tossing him half-naked (and pregnant) into the street, had been for his own good. It was not because Kizou had truly hated him. No, it was not something Kizou had wanted to do, but it was something he had chosen to do because he’d felt it was necessary. Kizou had wanted Shuichi to separate himself from the Black Dragons and everything that came with the association. He’d wanted Shuichi to make a batter life for himself and the child he was carrying. At the time, Shuichi had not understood this. It was only now that he could understand and appreciate everything this man did for him. Kizou did what he did because he’d loved him and only wanted was best for him, but now, he was not so sure. Had the love Kizou use to have for him turned into bitter hatred?

Sniffling, Shuichi slowly lifted his head. He smiled at his ex-lover and possible father to his son.

He studied Kizou. In the two years since he was forcibly evicted, Kizou seemed to have aged. He looked more like he was sixty-five rather than the forty-something he really was (or claimed to be). There were lines in places there hadn’t been before, especially around those slightly pinched and up tilted golden eyes that were so much like little Takanori‘s. His mocha brown hair appeared to be thinning and even had sprinkling of gray throughout. There was several days worth of growth along Kizou’s chin and jaw. Even sitting down, it was obvious how tall Kizou was. Shuichi was not sure how tall, exactly, Kizou was, but he was definitely taller than Eiri and Eiri was six feet tall. Kizou really did look haggard and worn out, as if he was being stretched too thin. A rubber band can only stretch so far and that was what Kizou reminded him of now: a rubber band on the verge of snapping.

“Doctor’s orders: no caffeine,” he said, choosing to ignore the biting retort. He cleared his throat violently.

Narata glanced down at the younger man. Shuichi was trying to hide it, but it was obvious that he had been hurt by not so much what Kizou said, but by what was not said.

“Hm.” Kizou settled back in his chair behind the desk with his cup of tea. The look on his face clearly said he did not completely believe the answer he’d been given.

“Would you like some juice then?” Narata spoke up. “Or-?”

Shuichi shook his head. “No, thanks.”

Narata inclined his head. “If that’ll be all then…?”

“Yes, thank you,” Kizou dismissed the ex-police officer.

With a bow, Narata escaped as quickly as he could without it being blatantly obvious that he was doing so. He threw one last glance over his shoulder just before shutting the door behind him. “Good luck Shuichi,” he whispered.

---TBC---

(1) To check out the Asian Plum Tea Set go to: shopstashtea (dot) com (slash) 800315 (dot) html

A/N: I have out a poem based on a story I will be uploading after “Still Raining” is finished. The poem is called, “Whisper”. Check it out. I will be uploading an editted version soon called, "Fallen". The story itself will be called, “Whisper”. It’s a depressing piece about loss. Check it out and drop me a line.