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How to Save a Life	By : saxonjesus Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 4511 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
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Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Chapter
12�Eternal Snow

Love
begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.

---Anonymous

November
1

Steady warmth pulsed into Lavi's body with every rhythmic beat. His head was
heavy, stuffy, and he was very groggy. Every dog barking, every person yelling,
every car honking intensified the pressure until it came to a focal point in
the redhead's frontal lobe. Light filtered through his uncovered eyelid--oh,
how he wished for two eye patches right now--painting
it red and igniting every nerve from his neck up in a dry, roaring fire. Even
his lips seemed to hurt--or tingle at the very least. And now that he thought
about it, his body, so comfortable and warm and relaxed just a moment ago, was
throbbing with aches that he wasn't sure came from sleeping on a couch.

Lavi wasn't
quite sure he wanted to know why he was sleeping on a couch.

As the
morning light tore at his heavy lids and needy arms pulled him closer to that
indescribable warmth, the memories started to come back, regardless of his
will. It started slowly, with a few fragmented thoughts. I really want to
get Yuu drunk; it'd be really funny to see what he's like with no control.
And Nati Light tastes kind of like watered
down piss. Then, of course, more vital memories came, like Yuu holding onto
him, pulling him close, calling him "his." Like the speedy game of
croquet and the kiss that followed.

Lavi felt a
blush creep on his face as he remembered what followed that, and he knew
that he really needed a shower. Someone had tucked him back in, so though his
stomach was stuck to Yuu's (he hadn't opened his eyes, but he knew the other
boy by his scent and by the fact that his hair was everywhere), he
wasn't horribly sticky. Still, he needed to get clean. And then he needed to
forget this ever happened, because he was on his last chance. One thing that
Lavi hoped for more than anything was keeping that chance, and if Bookman found
out about this little stunt, he'd be killed.

Which, for Yuu's sake and for his own, could never happen.
He did not want to leave his roommate an empty husk. And continuing on to his own sake, what was he going to do when Yuu woke up? The
boy would probably murder him for what had transpired the previous night. He
hoped to whatever entity that watched over and screwed with this world that Yuu
didn't remember what had happened. But at the same time, he wished that the
Japanese boy would.

Opening his
eye and checking his watch, Lavi figured it was best to just face the music,
and Mugen, and gently shook his roommate. Yuu opened an eye and looked at him
for a moment, gaze still hazy. They obviously hadn't been asleep long for the
alcohol to still be affecting his roommate this much. The dark-haired boy
mumbled something along the lines of "home" and "now" and
"baka". Lavi followed, trying not to make too much noise and
wake the other people still sleeping on different parts of the floor.

It was cold
outside, and he shivered a bit, walking a little bit closer to Yuu to try and
steal some heat, but that failed because for some reason his roommate felt
colder than the air around them. He grabbed onto Yuu's arm in case his senses
were just screwed up because of the alcohol and found that it was slightly
warmer, though it had nothing to do with body temperature.

They made it
back to the dorm quickly, not a word spoken between them, which was exceedingly rare for Lavi, seeing as he should be
chatting away, hangover and all, but something just didn't seem right in
disturbing the silence of the morning. Yuu unlocked their door and switched on
the light, immediately collapsing onto his bed. Lavi grabbed his towel and went
to shower.

He returned
to find his roommate in exactly the same position as he had left him in, his
face smashed into his pillow and his arms and legs bent underneath him. The
redhead pushed the Japanese boy onto his side, moving his long dark hair away
from his face and removing his shoes. His roommate looked peaceful in his sleep
for once. Whether he was having a nice dream or not dreaming at all didn't
matter, just that he wasn't having a nightmare was a pleasant change. It seemed
like every time Lavi caught the dark-haired boy asleep, it would look like he
was reliving some horrible trauma. It took all of the redhead's willpower not
to wake Yuu, because he knew even though it was a nightmare-filled sleep, it
was still sleep, something he knew his roommate didn't get enough of.

He trailed a
hand down Yuu's cheek, for no reason in particular, just that he wanted to feel
how smooth the other boy's skin was, just so he could remember what it felt
like, because he knew Yuu wouldn't let him near after what had happened. So he
lay down, as close as he could get to his roommate,
and fell asleep, hoping that Yuu would kill him quickly and with a smile on his
face.

----

He felt Yuu get up and grab his stuff to shower. The weird part was that his
dark-haired roommate didn't even try to rouse him. He pretended to sleep until
he heard the door close and until he heard it open again fifteen minutes later.
He listened as Yuu rummaged around in his closet and got dressed. He was really
tempted to open his eye when it went quiet, but if he woke up now, he'd have to
deal with Yuu shouting at him, telling him what a pervert he was, how he
couldn't believe Lavi would take advantage of him like that, that he never
wanted to see the redhead again and that he didn't care what happened to him as
long as he never had to see Lavi again.

It hurt his chest to think about. So he decided to stay asleep until Yuu made
him move.

Another few moments of silence passed through the room, and then there was
movement, the quick sound of shuffling getting closer to him until there was a
firm jostling of his shoulder.

"Oi, Lavi, wake up," ordered Yuu's slightly-gruffer-than-usual voice.
The redhead pretended to have been jarred from a rather deep sleep, peering
upward at his roommate, who was standing over him, looking slightly confused.

"'Mornin' Yuu. What's
up?" He asked, faking grogginess. He still was slightly hungover, so it was easy.

"When did we come back here?" The dark-haired boy asked hesitantly.

Wait. Did Yuu remember what had happened? If he did, he would have immediately
started shouting and accusing. But it wasn't there, it
was just Yuu looking confused.

"This morning. Do you remember anything from last
night?" He asked, trying to keep the desperate edge from his voice and
succeeding completely.

Yuu paused and made a "thinking" expression. Lavi sat staring,
waiting for the memories to return, anticipation twisting his innards in
horrible little Celtic knots.

Yuu shook his head, and the redhead's intestines untwisted as if Alexander the
Great had just sliced through them like he had the Gordian knot.

"What happened?" Yuu's next question jarred him from his internal
celebration of relief.

Think, think, think, lie, nothing happened, nothing
at all. It was just a normal party...

"We drank and then you passed out on me, and then I passed out. We
got back here around eight fifteen, you were probably
still blacked out." Sometimes Lavi was thankful he was a Bookman, just for
the simple fact that it made you an excellent liar.

Yuu didn't question him at all.

The dark-haired boy sat back down on his bed, Lavi completely aware of the fact
that his roommate had neglected to replace his shirt. The heat from his shower
still radiated off of him, and it reminded the redhead of all that had
transpired the night before and all of the things that had been involved in
said activities. And he realized that he couldn't take it. He wished Yuu had
remembered. It was better than feeling this overwhelming guilt for having
betrayed someone who was so close to him in such a despicable way. He needed to
get away, he needed to get away from the reminders of
what he would lose if Bookman ever did find out about what he had done.

He grabbed his computer and his homework and went to the library, exiling
himself there until exhaustion overwhelmed his ability to decipher English from
Japanese--five in the morning on a school night. He could only hope that Yuu
would be asleep when he returned.

---

November 5

Lavi had been ignoring him all week. He knew the redhead had a lot of classes,
but Yuu had never once seen him study. The idiot always had his homework
done before his classes were even over, so why he was now spending all his time
locked away in the library was beyond the Japanese boy. It was already
Thursday, and Lavi hadn't once asked him to cook for him with that annoying-ass
face. For that matter, he hadn't made that annoying-ass face at him all week in
any situation. Hell, he hadn't even spoken to the redhead--besides minor
greetings on Lavi's part or the now common, "off to the library, see ya
later, Yuu-chan" that was now like a mantra.

Yuu wondered if the redhead was so paranoid about losing his last chance that
he didn't want to risk taking off his persona to be around the dark-haired boy.

It was around nine o'clock when the idiot limped back into the room, carrying
what looked like half the library on his back or in his arms.

"Evenin', Yuu!" The apprentice Bookman
shouted upon entering the room.

Yuu rolled his eyes at the annoyance.

It was a shame the redhead hadn't been looking to be offended.

"Panda should be comin' over in a bit, sooo..." He didn't need to finish the thought. They
both understood what that meant. It was the moment of truth the same as every
other week. Would the old man notice? Or would Lavi be around for another week
of idiotic rabbitness?

Then as always the same two rhythmic knocks echoed into the room. The door
opened, and the short man with strange hair hobbled in, the same piercing eyes
taking in everything they saw and categorizing it into the neat little
objective folders they most likely had somewhere in the archives of the man's
brain. Apprentice and Master spoke for a while, and Yuu, not having slept much
during the week, decided it was best to take a nap, because the two Bookmen had
exited to room and so it was safe, and when Lavi came back, he would hopefully
be smiling, not ignoring him like he had all week, and they would talk just
like they used to before the redhead had gone weird. Maybe Lavi would curl up
with him, like he had been recently, and it would be warm and not cold and
painful like so many of his days had been.

It wouldn't be cold... there wouldn't be any faces obscuring his view, they
wouldn't be forcing their way over everything good and safe and happy in his life.
He wouldn't remember exactly why all his dreams were about that small, dark
room, where there was always the sound of chains and dripping water. There
wouldn't be lotuses. There wouldn't be the man with the small eyes and wicked
grin who had been the first to hurt him...

It is really dark... too dark. And it is scary. Quiet. The
sound of water dripping on the hard stone floor. The hard bed and the
coarse blankets that are painful on his bare skin.

He is scared, so scared...

The light flicks on, and there is sound, loud sound, laughing. Horrible, terrifying laughter that doesn't belong in the quiet.

The man who had been kind to him stands at the door with another man, a
frightening, beady-eyed man, with a twisted smile that screams
"danger," "run," "escape."

Why is he coming closer to the only warm place, his only safe place?

Voices mumble words that make no sense, garbled and threatening.

Too close, too close, why is he so close?

Stay away... no, please, don't, no, stop.

Pain... what is happening? Why can't he see anything? Why can't he move?

Pain. So much... pain.
Panting sounds, breath in his ear, tickling it, teeth
on his neck. Agony.

Stop... please stop.

"Please... stop, no more. It hurts..."
There was someone shouting at him. Someone was touching him, and they had to
stop, because they were too close and it was too bright and there were too many
face and flowers and too many chains and it was freezing to the point where he
thought his joints might seize in place and he'd turn into that stupid tin man
from that stupid movie that dark-haired girl whose name he couldn't quite
recall at the moment liked so much. The voice that was yelling at him tightened
its grip on his shoulder, and his eyes shot open.

---

"See 'ya next week, Panda!" He shouted down the hall at his departing
master. Things had gone exceedingly smooth this visit, with not a single
mention of anything negative, save for a few coffee stains on his logs.

It had been so difficult sustaining his persona this week, nearly impossible
when he had been forced to stay in the dorm. It was just so tempting to let it
drop and to sit down next to his roommate and monopolize the dark-haired boy's
time. But that couldn't happen anymore. He had to keep a distance or else
something of the magnitude of Saturday night would happen again, and neither of
them could afford to have that happen while sober.

He entered the dorm room, prepared to just collapse onto his bed and sleep,
when he noticed something was off. Yuu was asleep, for one. That in itself was
odd, because the boy never slept on days when Bookman visited, but that was not
what made Lavi stop in his tracks, persona falling, completely forgotten, to
the proverbial floor.

Yuu's dark hair was strewn over his face, his fists clenched at his pillow and
sheets, his face contorted in a mask that was quite familiar to the redhead,
and he was mumbling in his sleep. No, he wasn't mumbling... he was pleading,
pleading for whatever was happening to stop, because it hurt.

He ran, or limped, over to his roommate and shook his shoulder roughly.

"Yuu, wake up, its okay!" He shouted into
Yuu's ear.

The object of his concern's eyes snapped open, and the boy flung himself
backward into the wall, an expression of sheer terror on his face.

---

There were so many faces, swirling around in front of him, trying to break into
his mind, trying to purge all the sanity he had left in his abused and broken
brain. They were trying to send him back to that small, dark room where he'd be
beaten, raped, and violated in so many different ways. Where
things were never coherent and the reigning thoughts were of despair and death.
And the memories were too close to the surface and there was a loud voice,
piercing its way through the darkness, marching past the lotuses and shapeless
masses and invading his mind, making him aware that he was pulling at his hair
and that his back was up against something cold and hard as hands pulled at his
arms, which were covering up his breaking facade. And it was so cold.

So cold.

And he wished someone was there to wake him up from this horrible nightmare,
someone to make him warm or at least to push away all the malicious faces, the
faces that wanted to hear him scream just like he used to. He wished Lenalee
was there, just like when he was twelve. He wished Lavi was there; the stupid
redhead would be able to help. He could always make the faces go away, even
though Yuu would never have told him that. But he wished he was there, more
than he had ever wished for anything in his life, more than he had wished for
his mother back when everything had been real and not just another
hallucination or dream. Back when his mind hadn't been destroyed, back when he
could trust, back when he was whole and untarnished, back when he hadn't been
disfigured.

"Yuu, wake up, its okay!" A frantic voice
reverberated through his consciousness, making the faces more indistinct and
the lotuses fewer.

"Yuu, Yuu, its just me, everything's fine,
please, look at me." There it was again. Clear as a bell over a silent
village in the country. Making it so that it was just
slightly warmer, functional.

"Yuu, hey, no one's gonna hurt ya." The
haze began to dissipate, and his vision blurred to red and green. His spinning,
incoherent mind began to calm and focus on the colors.

"Lavi?" He asked, somewhat appalled by how
horrid his voice sounded, ragged as if he were
about to cry, which he wasn't, because that wouldn't be manly.

"Hey, you okay?" His annoying roommate asked, his voice also cracked
and mangled from all the emotion, but there was still something off about him,
as if he wasn't quite himself. Yuu's mind, still wary and hypersensitive,
reacted to it, sending another shot of adrenaline through the dark-haired boy's
veins. Lavi wouldn't hurt him, he knew that, but "Lavi" could not be
trusted.

Yuu nodded, not wanting the idiot any closer than he already was, even though
he really just wanted to curl up in the redhead's warmth and fall asleep.

The dark-haired boy took a few deep breaths and let go of his legs, relaxing as
much as his stress-worn nerves could take.

There were a few seconds of silence as Yuu tried to compose himself.

"You okay?" Lavi asked, his tone sounding contemplative and
disturbingly curious. Yuu nodded and the redhead smiled, widely, and fakely, not having changed from his behavior before Bookman
had come. Yuu shivered slightly, as if a cold breeze had washed over him.

Lavi made one of his "I'm thinking about doing something that I'll
probably regret" noises, which should have been warning enough for the
Japanese boy, but seeing as he wasn't exactly in the best frame of mind at the
moment, he ignored it.

And then the redhead spoke.

"So, Yuu..." He began, moving so that he was straddling the older
boy's legs, "Who raped ya?"

----

"You okay?" He asked again, as he noticed Yuu's breathing had calmed.
Though his persona had fallen while he'd walked in, he knew he needed to stay
away from his roommate. Especially since Bookman would
probably hang around campus for a while, doing some digging on Lavi's behavior.
Plus, he was terrified--scared of what he had seen, how Yuu had writhed
under his sheets, eyes watering with the strength of his pitiful pleas. His
voice had been broken and cracking, higher in pitch than usual, and hopelessly
lost in his dream.

He liked Yuu, but such an emotion, like every other one, was completely
forbidden, and he had to keep it at bay. The Japanese boy seemed pretty calm,
so if he let his persona just slip back on a little, make a hasty retreat once
that horrible, haunted look began to diminish...

But it wasn't going away, and the further his persona spread, the more it
polluted his thoughts with awful temptations.

There's something wrong with him. You are curious. Find out. Find out, find
out, find out!

It was stupid to listen to those thoughts, but his persona was being insistent,
growing louder and louder in a damning crescendo. Especially since he was
pretty sure he knew the basic gist of what had happened to Yuu. This recent
dream and the boy's reaction to Lavi when he'd first awoken only confirmed his
theory.

But you need to know. Findoutfindoutfindout!!!!

He made a contemplative noise. The persona was taking over his thoughts, his
actions, until all that was left was Bookman, Junior, caped in the flowing fabric
of Forty-Nine.

No! Stop!

But his body was already moving.

"So, Yuu..." the redhead began. Yuu was against the wall, legs
outstretched, and Lavi's right leg swung swiftly over top of them. He sat down,
pulling himself a bit closer so that if they had been naked, they would be
pressed up against each other. "Who raped ya?"

No! He didn't want to ask that! But his soul was chained down. He wanted to
reach out to Yuu with his eye. Under his eye patch, his right eye was watering
with self-hatred, and his left eye would soon follow suit. Already, it swam
with salty tears. Lavi wished they would fall. A waterfall
into an ocean of regret. He wanted to move, to apologize as profusely as
he could. But he knew in this state, Yuu would not be reasonable. Already, the
boy was seizing up. His deep, charcoal eyes were wide with the repugnance of
betrayal.

It hurt, like a harpoon in a whale's side, like a hook in a fish's lip, like
the loss of the only love Lavi had ever experienced in fifteen years. Because Yuu would never forgive him for this. There was no
forgiveness for this.

"I'm sorry," he wanted to say, but his persona was still very much
occupying the forefront of his mind, directing his actions and speech like Lavi
had at one point allowed. But he couldn't stand for this. He had to gather his
strength.

Yuu pushed him off with the strength of a cornered lion and practically lurched
to the corner of his bed, where he curled up in the most defensive position he
could manage--knees to his chest and arms wrapping almost like they were
safeguarding his fragile heart, preventing it from further hurt. His forehead
was pressed to his knees, and Yuu shivered like a hypothermic. Horrible, deep
sounds came from somewhere in his chest, emerging from his throat like some kind
of small, rough parody of sobs. They were like tiny, low whimpers.

"No, Yuu, no, it's okay, it's me, please, please forgive me, I'm so
sorry," Lavi mumbled, crawling across to Yuu's position as he abruptly
regained control. His heart broke when the boy shuddered away from him, but he
firmly took hold of Yuu's wrists and pulled. He would not let the other boy
fall away from him, not when he needed the boy so much. Not when he knew
exactly what Yuu meant to him. No, he knew his feelings went a lot deeper than
he was acknowledging, but he wasn't ready to understand those ones yet. Still,
he needed the other boy to know that it was okay, that he hadn't meant to hurt him, that he really, really needed forgiveness or else he
might just cave into his persona for the rest of his life.

Lavi wanted to cry as Yuu fought against his hold, ripped and clawed at
whatever was in front of him. He took each new scratch with a sense of pride.
This was his repentence. Forgive me, Yuu. Hit me,
destroy me, tear me apart until I'm more broken than you, but please, please,
forgive me.

At last, the older boy's struggles began to cease, and Lavi's attempts to pull
him closer finally started to pay off. When Yuu was completely in his lap, he
held him with arms as tight as vices and let him shake and cry (which, dear God
in Heaven, he was. He was almost blubbering, snot pouring out of his nose as he
hiccuped and pulled in what little breath he could
between body-wracking sobs). The entire time, Lavi held him still, held him
together. Yuu needed to be held together. Lavi doubted the boy had ever had
anyone--besides Lenalee--who would do such a thing for him. Tiedoll would
volunteer, but it was about Yuu's trust. Even if Lavi had broken his into
microscopic shards of glass, the Japanese boy seemed to be forgiving him.

The sobs calmed relatively quickly, but the sniffles and hiccups didn't fully
go away for a long time. Yuu grabbed at Lavi's arms and held on with a grip
tighter than the redhead's own. They were saving his sanity here, his heart and
his mind and maybe a little bit of his soul, too.

When Yuu began to speak, it was in a low, haunted voice. He turned to face
Lavi, but he kept his head down, like he was ashamed of what had happened to
him. It wouldn't surprise Lavi at all if he was.

"I ran away from the police station after it happened," the
dark-haired boy began. It was obvious what the it
was. After all, why else would he have been with the police. "They wanted
to send me with this older couple, but they scared me. I was only ten, old
people scared me."

It sounded like Yuu was trying to justify what had happened to him, not to
Lavi, but to himself. As if he was trying to convince himself that what had
happened hadn't been his fault.

"I... was on the streets for a week or two, and I was really hungry. I was
sitting on the sidewalk in the afternoon one day when a young woman and her
husband came up to me and asked if I wanted some food and a warm place to stay.
They were really nice... and it was really cold, so I followed them. They fed
me and gave me clothes and a nice bed to sleep in. I stayed with them a few
days before... before..." Yuu trailed off and put his forehead onto Lavi's
shoulder, taking in a few deep breaths.

"You don't have to--" The redhead began to say, but he was cut off by
a rush of words mumbled into his collarbone.

"Then one day, the lady told me to follow her into the basement because
she had something to show me. It was really dark there, and she led me down
this long hallway with a lot of rooms in it. She took me to the end of the row
and opened the door. It was a really tiny room, with a bed in the corner and a
little bathroom off to the side. S-she pushed me into it and t-took my
c-clothes and... locked the door." It was strange
to hear such hesitant words come from Yuu's mouth. He was normally so strong
and sure, but it was almost as if he was trying to protect himself by being so
tentative, preparing himself for the time when he expected Lavi to just get up
and leave, too appalled by his tale to stay. So the redhead pulled the boy
closer, reassuring him that it was okay to continue.

"It was so cold and dark in there... and so quiet. I was terrified of
every noise I heard. I was alone in there for so long that it almost became
comfortable, lying on the hard bed. But then someone turned on the light."
A shiver swept up Yuu's back at the memory, but he didn't falter in his story.
"The man that had been with the lady opened the door and walked in. He was
talking with another person I had never seen, and they were speaking in a
language I didn't understand. It made me nervous because they kept looking over
at me. Then they walked over. The man I didn't know was scary. He had small
eyes and a tiny nose and a crazy smile. He said something I couldn't understand
and then put a hand over my eyes. Then he spread my legs. I panicked and kicked
and trashed because he was touching me in bad ways and... oh god, it hurt, and someone was
holding my arms back. And I didn't understand why. But when the man was finished,
they both left and turned the light off. I was bleeding and no one came to help
until too many hours later."

The way Yuu described what had happened to him was so clear, so coherent, as if
the events he was explaining had only happened days, not years, ago. And it was
so objective. As if it hadn't happened to him, but to someone else. It was
frightening to think that was what the redhead had had to do for most of his
life. It appalled him now to think that there had been people who knew what had
been going on and had just watched. In some ways that was worse than actually
being a part of it. That is what made him such a horrible person, undeserving
of all the trust Yuu was obviously putting in him in, telling Lavi the truth.

"How often did that happen?" Lavi asked, afraid to find out, but too
damned curious not to.

"Almost every other day toward the end, not so often at the beginning, but
still often enough so that I was always in pain," Yuu answered quickly.

"How many people were there?"

"I don't know; I'm missing a lot of time in the middle and at the end.
They drugged me because I kept fighting back. I just couldn't... let myself
ignore what they were doing. In then end, that's
probably what saved me..." The dark-haired boy trailed off and was silent
for a moment.

"What do you mean, Yuu?" The redhead asked, hoping to keep Yuu
talking so that he wouldn't have to think about everything just yet.

"I was always getting really hurt, so they would always have to call their
doctor in. He was the one that promised to get me out. He was the one that got
everyone out. He was the one that gave me the Lotus. It was toward the end, I
think. I had started to build up a resistance to whatever they were giving me, and I woke up in the middle of one of the sessions
and fought back. But the guy was stronger and I was chained down, so I didn't
stand a chance. I was dying, so the doctor took me to a hospital. They fixed me
up, he gave me the Lotus, and then he took me back."

"He took you back?" Lavi exclaimed, wondering why the fuck any
nurse or doctor would have allowed Yuu to be taken anywhere when he was
obviously in an abominable situation.

"It was so he could convince the police to come and investigate. He'd been
trying to get them to investigate for months, but there hadn't been enough
proof. A week after I came back, the police raided the house and took everyone
away. The doctor was arrested for aiding and abetting, and I was sent away with
Lenalee and Tiedoll."

"How long were you there?"

"Two years."

Lavi felt like he was going to be sick. How could the boy have suffered so much
and still be able to function? In the back of his mind, he wondered what sort
of condition his roommate had been in when he had first been freed. He'd have
to ask Lenalee about it. But that would be later. Right now... it was
obvious by the slight shaking in his limbs that Yuu still needed someone to
hold on to, so Lavi squeezed just a little tighter.

The boy reached out to clench his fingers in the fabric at Lavi's sides.
Pulling hands softly through the ends of Yuu's hair, the redhead brought his
lips to the other boy's ear.

"I won't ever leave you, Yuu-chan. If Bookman tries to make me leave, I
won't. I... I..." like you, but now wasn't the time to say that,
"...I won't leave your side. You're my best friend."

Those long-fingered hands clenched harder, threatening to break the fabric, and
Yuu nodded with small up and down motions into Lavi's chest. Those slight
movements, the soft words whispered into delicate minds, that was all it took
for the promise to be set. It fell like a warm blanket around their shoulders
and kept them cozy as Lavi rocked back and forth, much like one would do to a
sleepy child, until Yuu finally fell back into a light sleep.

He didn't know how long he stayed that way, but maybe an hour or two--a minute
or two?--later, two rhythmic knocks echoed from the other side of the door.

Lavi's heart froze, and Yuu stirred.

"Shh," he whispered, taking Yuu's blankets
from the end of the bed and covering the boy up. Lavi smoothed Yuu's fringe and
kissed his forehead lightly before putting some shoes on and going to the door.

He would not answer with his persona.

Stepping out into the hallway, he didn't greet Bookman until the door had
closed. He would not wake Yuu--the boy didn't need to be conscious for the
struggle that would ensue. Most likely, Lavi would lose his life, but...

They were walking, walking to the forest behind the residence hall. Early
November snow hit the top of his head, making him shiver. The journey didn't
take long--only a minute or so--but the apprentice Bookman was shivering by the
time they reached the cover of the trees.

There was no heartbeat around him, no comforting warmth, only mattress. And
that wasn't right. Lavi wasn't supposed to leave him. Hadn't he promised? Yuu
cracked an eye open. It was really, really dark. Safe.
Only now the darkness felt foreboding.

"Lavi, when I took you off the streets, I saw in you a good apprentice, so
I'm willing to let you explain what I found on the internet."

Oh, fuck. Someone had probably taken pictures at the last party and posted them
on Facebook. Lavi gulped inwardly and waited for
Bookman to take out his battered old iPhone. They
were given to the entire clan as a donation from Apple, but they were rarely
used. Bookman detested his, and he obviously didn't care if it was dropped onto
hard surfaces.

With intent eyes, Lavi tried to follow what website the old man was typing in,
only he failed. The keyboards were touchscreen and
too compact, so that wasn't surprising. No one could ask him to follow that,
especially if there were no tones associated with each letter. Lavi missed the
days when phones were easy. And not as portable. Or cellular. Good days, those had been.

Lavi was missing from the room, which wasn't right. Though
perhaps he was in the bathroom. After all, everyone had to pee.

"Can you explain this video to me, Lavi?"

Redtube.
Redtube was the site. And moaning as they moved
against each other on the little tiny screen were him and Yuu. The Japanese
boy's hair was falling everywhere at once as he kissed Lavi with a passion the
redhead hadn't noticed at the time. Of course, he also didn't remember having
his hands on Yuu's ass, squeezing and kneading until the boy hissed very loudly
in what was obviously pleasure.

Lavi couldn't move. His eyes were glued to the screen, because damn, that was
hot, and also, Yuu seemed very aware of what he was doing. It was obvious that
they both meant every kiss, every subtle caress.

And maybe that was the final nail in the proverbial coffin.

But no, he was taking too long. Donning a sweatshirt--the halls were cold
from the frigid air sifting in from the kitchenette down the hall--Yuu padded
over to the bathroom.

"Lavi?" He called, but there was no answer.
He looked under the stalls, but there were no feet. The showers were also
empty. He didn't need to panic, but for some reason, Yuu felt like he should.

Bookman's glare was ominous. "You meant that, didn't you?" He asked.
Lavi couldn't shake his head to deny such an allegation. He had, after all. Oh God, had he. He craved more of that touch.

"I did," he said instead. The old panda was suddenly very, very
electric. Like lightning, miniscule hands came out and punched him in his gut.
Lavi tried to block, but not even rudimentary martial arts could help him here.
Each blow rained down on his soon-to-be battered body. Needles started joining
the fists, and his back stung, and tears came to his eyes, and he was on his
knees...

Desperate to keep his pace unhurried--and failing miserably at that
endeavor--Yuu went to Lizzie's room. It was possible the girl's mother was
over. Also, he'd heard she'd been having a lot of arguments with Skin lately,
so it was possible that maybe she'd been hurt. She would have enlisted Lavi's
help in either case, so it was possible he was there.

He knocked on her door.

Lavi screamed. The pain was horrible. Something sliced across his middle.
Bookman pushed him backward, and as he fell into a suspiciously deep pit--had
the old man given him a grave?--his arm hit something and cracked. Lavi
screamed again, turning right so that he could cradle his arm and scaring away
what few birds had stayed in the bare canopies of the nearby trees. Agony like
he hadn't experienced since the time he'd hurt his eye spread down to his arm
and settled there. Each heartbeat, so fast, so fast, pumped more of the
scalding burn into his elbow until it was nearly numb with the sensation. He
wanted to cry, just like he had when he was a little boy, and his eyes
responded by tearing up. It wasn't a relief, not really, especially when
Bookman's next blow hit him in the back of the head.

Dimly, he heard something heavy hit the ground. As he swooned forward, he
thought he saw a brick, but his vision was getting kind of blurry.

The leaves all around him were red.

"Lizzie?" He called, knocking harder on the door.

"G'way!" Came a muffled shout.

Yuu knocked again, even though he knew Lavi wasn't there.

"Whatizzit?"
Lizzie asked, opening the door and looking horrifyingly girly in a loose pink cotton top and matching short shorts. The
outfit did fit her well, but that didn't really matter when Lavi couldn't
be found.

"Have you seen Lavi?"

"No--go away."

She was kind of mean when she was tired, Yuu noted, but he wasn't thinking
about that either, because where in the hell was Lavi? He ran back to the room
and grabbed a coat. What if their room had been broken into and Lavi had gotten
kidnapped? He was probably in Tyki's clutches, being groped or something worse.

When he came to the outside of the building, he realized it had been snowing
lightly for a while. He saw vague footprints in the snow and followed them
without hesitation. It was obviously Bookman. Only he would take Lavi to the
forest out back.

He coughed and coughed and coughed, but the burning in his arm and the pain in
his head and the aching warmth in his stomach made it hard to breathe. It was
so very cold, and Lavi felt like he was drowning in it. A boot caught him in
his chest, and he fell onto his back. More pain erupted, but his nerves were
all worn out. It was even harder to breathe, but that was okay, because he
welcomed death now. Anything was better than this excruciating coldness.

"What a waste," someone said. The sound of strings snapping very
close to his face and the sudden iciness on his eye were confusing, and Lavi
very keenly felt the impact of something heavy, maybe dirt and leaves, on his
stomach and legs--he hadn't had his boot on, and his ankle was throbbing again,
too--and chest.

He was drifting in the agonizing world, shivering and feeling something warm
pool around him. It chilled, coagulated, and then it was followed by more.
Someone was calling his name. The voice sounded worried, but Lavi was probably
imagining it. Everything was all blurry and cold. Frigid.
Hypothermic. Was this what Eskimos felt like all the
time? Bookman had never taken him to the Arctic, so he didn't know the answer
to that. Maybe it was even colder.

"Lavi!"

The imaginary voice faltered as something impacted his side. Frantic hands tore
at the dirt and leaves, and the voice said his name again, this time with
surprise.

Something moved him and he screamed once again. His throat was also hurting
now, though it didn't compare at all to the pain in his chest and head. He felt
something being pulled from his back, and it was suddenly a lot harder to
breathe, as if all the air was escaping before it could be absorbed and pulled
into the now leaking system of veins and arteries. His back felt a little
warmer as the imaginary person shifted him again.

The voice was still there, more frantic than it had
been when Lavi had first heard it. It was closer, and he felt heat on his
cheeks. Then something impacted with his face again. Would whatever was there
just let him die already? The object hit him again and his vision cleared
slightly. There was a very blurry mass leaning over him. The mass was glaring.

It was also speaking. Which was a very strange thing for a
mass of that size to do. It was a very familiar mass, though the redhead
had no idea whether they had met before or not. His limbs were going a bit
numb, which was nice, seeing as it didn't hurt quite so much.

"Oi, Lavi, stay with me, the ambulance is on its way," the very
familiar voice said. It sounded a bit like Yuu-chan, but it couldn't be,
because the boy was still asleep in their room and no one had seen Lavi and
Bookman leave, so this nice mass must've been a very vivid hallucination. Which was okay, because at least he got to see his best friend
before he died. Sensation was disappearing rapidly from his lower body,
and his vision cleared a little more because of it.

He looked up at his hallucination, who was slightly
stained with that odd red color that seemed to be everywhere except where it
needed to be. "This is a nice hallucination," he commented.

His imagined figure scoffed at him. What a thing for a figment of his
imagination to do. His mind really had gotten Yuu's personality down. Because
now it was trying to tell him that it wasn't a hallucination. But how could it
not be? He tried to shake his head to tell his mind that what it was saying was
ridiculous and that it should just shut up and let him go to sleep because he
was getting tired and maybe if he just... closed his eyes for a few minutes,
the pain in his chest would lessen and he would be able... to breathe a little
better.

But appearently, his mind was a lot more stubborn
than he had previously thought, because the hallucination slapped him, the
cheeky bastard.

"Hey, idiot, stay awake, you fall asleep and you die, now stay with
me." His mind could even replicate Yuu's voice perfectly. Sometimes he
amazed even himself.

He barely felt it as something draped over his torso. It felt like a jacket,
but imaginary people didn't wear jackets, so that option was out, but seeing as
he couldn't think of another explanation, he decided that maybe his
hallucination did.

There was a loud noise in the background of his mind. It kept getting louder
and more annoying, so he decided that was his cue to close his eyes and go to
sleep, because for some reason it had become very, very hard... to focus on his
strange illusion.

He wondered if it heard him say goodnight.

---

A/N: Sorry if any crappy grammar was left in this chapter. Em1 read too fast
for Em2 to keep up properly with the changes. Uuum... other than that, sorry for
the cliffie. We'll update soon, though, 'kay?
And to those of you who thought they were getting together already, HA HA, they aren't. Sorry. ^^;
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How to Save a Life