How to leave the closet

Arthur was all quiet on the ride towards the bar. He just kept staring at his hands as if he couldn\'t make himself look at anything else – which might just have been the case.



Alfred had borrowed some of Arthur\'s clothes since the other insisted that wearing an expensive suit to a bar was a bad idea. But Arthur was tinier than Alfred in every way, and so Alfred found himself in a very tight band-shirt and a pair of tight-fitting jeans. \'It\'s okay,\' Alfred had said, \'tight clothes are the best at a gay bar! Ya have to see the muscles, right?\' Arthur had not said it out aloud, but he doubted it was just all about seeing the muscles. He could practically see everything on Alfred. And his eyes always slipped to that certain area-



"Are you excited?" Arthur woke up from his thoughts and gave Alfred a bewildered look. The other grinned. "To go to the bar, I mean. First time, right?"



"Y-yeah…" He nodded, fiddling with his tie.



"Just get rid of that already."



"No, I want to feel neat."



"It\'s not like people will be looking at your tie."



"I don\'t care, I\'ll be wearing this." Alfred sighed and shook his head with a little smile. Though Arthur was blushing slightly, he felt that he had won that discussion.



Alfred had wanted for him to wear revealing clothes. He hadn\'t wanted to. Therefore he was now sitting in a white shirt, with a black tie and black jeans and black shoes, and as he\'d dressed up he\'d felt young and nice. But Alfred had thrown one look at him, laughed and went:



"It\'s a gay bar, not a restaurant!" Arthur had had to defend his sense of fashion and had told the other off. Which had only been half successful since Alfred had just kept laughing.



But now they were on their way. Arthur bit down onto his lower lip as his gaze went to the window, taking in the change of surroundings. The boring buildings became bright, the music started playing louder and the men outside were no longer just discussing business with their mouths, but with their whole body pressed up against each other, tongues lost in the wrong throat.



\'Will I survive this? What if someone tries to rape me? I am not bad looking after all, they might! Oh dear, it\'s not about looks, is it? Gays will do any male! …No, stop, Arthur, you\'re gay yourself, and you wouldn\'t do anyone. Pull yourself together!\'



"Where will we be going, then?" Arthur asked, trying to lead his thoughts off of the gay-couple standing outside the window, hands down in front of the pants. Alfred was watching them from the corner of his eye. He licked his lips.



"Uhm, I was thinking of \'Pink Polly\'. It\'s not that wild, but still fun, so it\'ll suit you I think. Both gays and lesbians come there." Arthur nodded. Lesbians. But would he be able to tell the difference between the men and the lesbians? Weren\'t most lesbians really manly?



"Sounds good," he however ended up saying, smiling a little. Alfred leaned in and pecked his cheek.



"Let\'s just go for a fun evening, right?"



"Right."



"Brought the card with you, by the way?"



"What card?"



"The one daddy gave you." Arthur took forward his wallet and slipped out the card from it. Alfred smiled. "Just so he won\'t get suspicious at you for not using money on Matthew at all, let\'s use it in here." Arthur raised a brow.



"Are you sure that\'ll be okay?" He looked at the card, almost wanting to slip it back into the wallet, but Alfred snapped it from his hand and grinned:



"It\'ll be fine." He put it in his pocket before turning around a corner. "There, it\'s down that street," he suddenly exclaimed, pointing towards a street lit up in pink. Arthur looked at it with wide-open eyes as they passed it.



"…looks like some street for prostitutes," he mumbled. Alfred snickered.



"Some of the costumers are just that. Ya\'ll see." Arthur tried to smile, but it was half-heartedly.



\'Prostitutes? In the bar? Not good…\' Alfred found a free spot to park at. While Arthur was undoing his seatbelt, Alfred was making sure every strand of hair was correctly placed on top of his head.



"What is Matthew doing by now, by the way? I should be looking after him…" Alfred shrugged his shoulders.



"He\'s probably with those boobs that are attached to his girl." They both snickered at the thought.



"Oh, when you put it that way-"



"I\'ll but it anyway you\'ll want, baby." Alfred winked at him. Arthur pulled a face.



"That\'s just nasty."



"I know." He took a hold of Arthur\'s back head, leant down and kissed him warmly on the lips. Arthur hesitated, but the thought of being at a gay-friendly place made him relax quite easily, and he returned the kiss shortly before pulling back.



"Uh-uhm… To the bar before anything else, right?" Alfred rolled his eyes and got out.



"Sure thing."



----



The music wasn\'t music, just sounds thrown in a bunch, being played at once. There was people shouting and talking and whispering and it all mixed with the constant loud rhythm from the speakers, making Arthur\'s ears dizzy. He grabbed tightly onto Alfred\'s arm, not wanting to buck under in the chaos he felt that was going on around him. Alfred grinned and leant down to yell into his ear:



"If we go to the back, it\'s better there." Arthur nodded and allowed Alfred to guide him on their way.



Dancing, sweaty men. Girls French-kissing openly. And rather normal-looking guys in their twenties hanging around a table, sharing drinks and stories. The closer they came to the back and the bar desk, the less scary it all seemed. With the wilder dancers left behind, Arthur could sigh in relief and even smile as he settled at the desk. Alfred withdrew the card and smacked it down on the table.



"Gin and tonic for me, and-..." Alfred looked at Arthur. Arthur fiddled with his tie, cleared his throat.



"U-uhm... Just... Cosmopolitan." Alfred hesitated.



"...seriously?"



"Yes?"



"That\'s a girly drink." Arthur grunted and settled himself at one of the chairs with a pout.



"I like it, shut up." With a grin Alfred ordered and took the seat next to him, watching Arthur as he took in the surroundings with awe.



"You like it here?"



"Yeah, it\'s okay..." He leant back against the desk, tilting his head a little to the side. "It\'s much like a straight bar, actually."



"That\'s because I chose a pretty down-to-earth one for your sake," Alfred smiled, "normally you would be looking at scenes with drags and funny singers and stuff. But I guess the toilets are the same." His smiled turned smug, and he grabbed onto the glass the bartender offered him. Arthur looked at him with confusion.



"What do you mean, the toilets?"



"You\'ll see, Art\'." Arthur opened his mouth to ask, but a pair of arms suddenly locked around him and ripped him into a hug.



"There you are, old man!" the man cried with a voice Arthur couldn\'t recognize. He sent Alfred a helpless look, but the other just smiled.



"Gilbert, hey." Gilbert? From where had he heard that na- ...oh. Arthur leant back and looked up into a grinning face and a pair of dark, red eyes.



"You\'re the one who tried to pick me up from the street." Gilbert nodded eagerly.



"I am indeed! Fuck, it\'s so nice to see you, man! I knew you were gay from the moment I saw you, I just knew it!" Gilbert sat down on the other side of Arthur, eyes widening as he saw the drink the bartender placed in front of him. "Cosmopolitan? Yes, you\'re super-gay."



"That\'s what I said."



"Shut it, both of you." They both giggled and watched as Arthur took a sip of his drink. Gilbert was wearing an open, black shirt, revealing his chicken-tattoo completely. Underneath it said: \'For bigger chicken, go down.\' Arthur wasn\'t sure whether he found it funny or disturbing. He placed down the drink, sloping his head a little to the side. "You\'ve got other tattoos?"



"What?"



"Besides that one." Arthur pointed to the chicken. Gilbert grinned widely.



"Yes, from Australia!"



"Where?"



"Down below, of course!" In the background Alfred sighed and mumbled something about an old, worn-out joke. Arthur just couldn\'t help but smile.



"And I thought straight men spoke a lot about their cocks."



"That\'s all gays speak about," Gilbert informed him in a preaching tone, as if he was about to introduce Arthur to the wonders of being gay. Arthur sipped at his drink:



"Oh, really?"



"Really. My mom does get tired of it-" Arthur gagged on the liquid.



"Y-your mom! You tell your mom about such stuff?" Arthur stared at Gilbert with eyes wide open. The other shrugged his shoulders and looked down with a little blush.



"It happens."



"Good Lord..."



"Hey, Arthur, wanna dance?" Arthur turned to Alfred who was smiling the smile of an abandoned child. "Just while the music is still calm." True, the beat had slowed down while they were talking. Arthur had to think that one through twice.



"Uhm, I\'m not really a dancer..."



"Sure you are, come on!" Alfred grabbed his wrists and led him out on the floor. "Come, just step close to me so no one else runs with you meanwhile." Arthur quickly took a step in closer.



"What, they do that?"



"If someone sees anything they like, they try to get it. That\'s why people go out, you know."



"Yeah but... At a straight bar you would just ask. And never try to get someone else\'s partner, for that would end in blood and broken bones." Alfred snickered and slipped his arms around Arthur\'s waist.



"We fight too, but we\'re normally too drunk to care." Arthur sighed:



"Young people of today..." He placed his arms around Alfred\'s neck, and they swayed slowly, way too slowly to match the rhythm of the music, but Arthur felt that Alfred did his best to make him feel comfortable. Which was nice. Had he suggested for them to dance like madmen, sweat and orgasms all over the floor, he would surely had grabbed the keys to the car and driven home immediately. But this he could accept. People around them didn\'t seem to mind, though, after some time, Arthur noticed some of them were sending Alfred rather long looks.



"Wow, you\'re really popular," he mumbled, eyeing the guys over his shoulder. Alfred smiled a little.



"Yeah, I\'ve got looks and money, what more can one ask for?"



"Personality?"



"Got that too."



"That and a huge ego."



"Hey! I know my price," he grinned. Arthur chuckled.



"Whatever you say."



"I wasn\'t at all popular when I first started coming here." Arthur wrinkled his brows in disbelief.



"You weren\'t?" The other shook his head.



"Not at all! I was 15, too young and inexperienced to be bothered with. No one talked to me, no one wanted to dance with me or do the dirty. I started to think that there might not be any gays out there for me."



"Then what? Something big must have happened," Arthur stated. Alfred nodded.



"I met this guy, this really sexy bastard. Bright hair, red eyes-"



"Gilbert?"



"Yeah. We talked, and I invited him over, and he came with me just to humour himself. He\'d never guessed I lived that greatly! So we fucked, and he taught me a lot."



"You got it on with Gilbert!"



"Yeah, gays have each other, you know." Arthur glared over his shoulder at Gilbert, but the man was busy flirting with the bartender.



"Wow..." Alfred laughed.



"Yeah, he\'s hot. Anyway, rumours came that I had had Gilbert, and then everyone liked me too. Soon they figured out I was pretty cool as well, money and all that too. So now I\'m even more wanted than him."



"Does that mean that people seeing me with you is going to make me wanted?"



"Yeah! Cool, right?"



"No." Alfred raised his brows in surprise.



"No?"



"I don\'t want to be wanted. At least not for being seen with you."



"What\'s wrong with me?"



"There\'s nothing wrong with you," Arthur assured with a smile, "it\'s just... Do you really think it\'s nice if they want you for the money and fame, and not for liking you?" Alfred seemed completely lost with the question. He stared at something at the ceiling while he took a good while to think.



"Uh, I... Never thought of it that way." Arthur almost felt like giving him a fatherly slap.



\'How can you not think about that? You learn that in school! The child with the expensive pants is cool, but he might also be the one, who\'s a jerk. How come he hasn\'t realised that just yet?\'



Arthur looked at Alfred. Then it hit him:



\'He has probably been popular most of his life, so he has never had to think about it the other way around.\'



"Well, then I guess there\'s nothing else I can say..."



"Eh-eh, eh-eh." Arthur stared at him.



"...what?"



"Wasn\'t that a Lady Gaga reference? \'Nothing else I can say, eh-eh, eh-eh,\'" Alfred started singing.



"N-no! What\'s Gaga?"



"A singer!" Alfred beamed with a wide smile, "she\'s cool. I\'m not too sure about her music, but she\'s got a high level of acceptance towards the minorities. So I think she\'s cool."



"Ah..." Arthur just nodded slowly. He then cleared his throat. "That beside-"



"What music do you listen to?" Alfred interrupted him. Arthur wetted his lips with a pondering look crossing his face.



"A mix of classical and punk rock."



"Punk rock? You?" Arthur grinned.



"Everyone thinks it\'s weird, but I used to be a punker." Alfred\'s smile widened.



"Oh, really? That\'s so hot! With mohawk and all?"



"Yes, a blue one, and I had several piercings in my ears; I even made one in my lip! Luckily, it has almost grown to be unseen." Alfred leant down and checked out Arthur\'s lips. As he took a closer look, he could see how the lip had a little hole in the right side, but it wasn\'t noticeable if you didn\'t know what to look for.



"Nice. I never knew you used to be that hardcore."



"I wouldn\'t call it hardcore. I was an angry, rebellious teen. Then I turned shy and quiet and very invisible." Alfred gave him a cocky smile.



"Yeah, why\'s that?"



"My father was a cop. At a demonstration I went to, it all got out of hand and the police arrived, and he was with them. I saw him being hit by my friends, and he saw me. With the most hurt eyes I have ever seen. As if he was asking: \'What are you doing here, son? Didn\'t we raise you to become more?\' And I fled like some child." Arthur leant his forehead against Alfred\'s chest, watching the floor as they slowly swayed.



"The next morning we ate breakfast together. Mom knew of my style of course, but not of me going to violent demonstrations. She was rambling about how dad had gotten a broken rib and a blue eye from the evening\'s fight with the \'nasty kids\'. That\'s what she called us, \'nasty kids\'. Dad said nothing, he just stared at me and nodded and said: \'If one of those kids were mine, I would blame myself for having been a bad father figure.\' The same day I cut my hair short and started dressing normally."



Alfred was quiet, so very quiet like at lunch when Arthur had told him about his miserable marriage. He never thought about how others could have lived differently from him, it just never really occurred to him that things were that way. He spent every day in party and sex and fun – why should he think those people around him did anything but have fun, too when at home?



Alfred tightened his grip around Arthur, leant down and kissed his forehead. "Well, never mind, \'cause you\'re all good the way you are now!" he beamed heroic. Arthur grinned.



"Don\'t take me for a child."



"I don\'t! I\'m just saying..." Alfred smiled. Arthur sighed and kissed him shortly. Alfred wasn\'t a fan of short things and took a hold of Arthur\'s back head as he deepened the kiss. And Arthur just went along with it. He didn\'t really consider the many eyes staring. Why should he? It was true. He used to be a punker. A violent bastard. He couldn\'t care less about others, right?



Alfred\'s lips tasted of gin, and his tongue still held the tonic. Arthur couldn\'t help but wonder if Alfred could taste his cosmopolitan too. If he liked it. He blushed at the thought.



\'You shouldn\'t be thinking about that! That\'s madness! That\'s ... A hand touching my butt? Two hands, oh, just Alfred... Wait... one of his hands is at the back of my head, and he hasn\'t got three hands...\'



Arthur wristed himself free of Alfred and turned around to find a bloke standing with both his hands forward, holding them in the air where Arthur\'s butt had been seconds before. Arthur stared at him.



"Just what do you think you\'re doing?" The guy seemed to think.



"...participated?"



"This is not an open game!" Arthur said, taken aback by what he found was clear rudeness and sexual harassment. "This would never had happened in a straight bar!" The man rolled his eyes.



"Oh, you\'re actually just a straight man living out some kind of weird fantasy? I should\'ve known... You look too boring to be gay."



"Boring?"



"Old. And that clothes-" Smack. Arthur\'s hand made contact with his cheek in a swift movement, making the guy flinch. He placed a hand slowly on the hit chin, looking rather surprised. Arthur was all red. Fuming.



"Yes, sorry about that, but really, that wasn\'t polite at all! You can\'t just go and touch people like that and make rude comments!" He drew in air. Then he took a step back. "Uhm, I mean, really, sorry... It\'s not nice to hit people." One more step back. And he turned around. And fled to the bar. Left the laughing Alfred with the guy.



"What the hell, Alfred?" The man sent him a bewildered look. "Normally your guys like to have a threesome?" Alfred held in his laughter and sent him a wide smile.



"Arthur isn\'t one of my normal guys, that I\'ll assure you." Alfred turned to follow Arthur, but threw a short look over his shoulder: "Oh, yeah, and he is straight. Just, totally trying out new stuff. So leave him alone."



At the bar, Arthur had emptied his glass and ordered a new one. He was halfway through it as Alfred approached him.



"So cool! You really showed him that you\'ve got balls!" Arthur sent him an embarrassed look.



"I\'m not a violent guy. You know that. I didn\'t even touch that man back in the park! But... you can\'t just molest people like that!" Arthur looked down into his glass. And emptied it again. Alfred snickered and slipped an arm around his shoulders.



"As I said, I just think it was cool." He pecked his cheek. "Wanna go to another place?"



"Yes! Away from him!" Alfred grinned.



"Sure thing. Let\'s try some place... wilder." Arthur looked at him. And then nodded eagerly.



"Let\'s."