Choices

AN: Wow, I never thought the fic would be this long by the 10th chapter. It has surpassed all my word expectations so far. Damn. (and I don’t even know how long it really is, as I stopped keeping track after chapter 11.)

Its actually kind of fun to edit these chapters, as I am so far ahead I kind of forget the little things that I wrote it. *shrug*

And let me tell you, you will LOVE chapter 14, and probably kill me for 16. ^_^

Suggested Listening: When The Sun Hits (Slowdive Cover) by The Gathering; Addicted by Enrique Iglesias (listen to the lyrics, that's what drew me to the song, and some of the lyrics kind of fit Matt)

Chapter Ten: Surprise

Matt let himself lay there a moment longer and bask in the absolute shock of the dream. He had wanted to know why he was becoming so odd around his friend... and he certainly had an answer now, if his sticky boxers were anything to go by.

And there was absolutely no way he had misunderstood the dream, despite how easy it would have been to claim that...

Matt felt glued to the spot as his eyes locked briefly with Mello's. Had he been talking in his sleep? Or worse, moaning, possibly even the blondes own name? Had Mello heard him?

Judging from the look on Mello's face, he'd certainly heard something.

Matt swallowed hard and forced himself from the bed, and quickly grabbed clothes, eager to escape the awkward situation. Made worse by the fact that Mello had been utterly silent the entire time with an almost confused expression.

With his goggles back in place over his eyes, Matt headed to the bathroom with the intent to shower. Though he hesitated when Mello caught his eye, and gave him a rather weak smirk, “Enjoy your dream?”

“Not particularly.” he responded flatly. Mello's smirk instantly faded and Matt took the time to shut the bathroom door and lock himself inside. It really wasn't Mello's fault... well not entirely.

He turned the water to hot and stepped under the spray the second his clothing was gone. He grabbed his bar of soap and roughly dragged it across his skin and sighed. He really didn't want to think about... it.

Not at all.

In fact Matt wanted nothing more than to deny it.

He rested his head against the cool tile and closed his eyes. If only he could ignore the dream, pretend he couldn’t feel every touch, every emotion… but it was impossible. Everything was fresh in his mind, and would probably stay that way for quite some time.

And it wasn't even the dream that was the problem. No, the dream just brought everything to light. Matt realized that he would have come to the same conclusion eventually, even without the dream there to wave around a giant banner.

He was in love with Mello.

It made sense. Horrifyingly, perfect sense.

The way his eyes lingered on the blonde far longer than necessary. The way his heart sped up when he was around him, the butterflies in his stomach. The crazy thoughts concerning the mission... everything that had to do with Mello.

Matt knew what lust felt like, and this wasn't it. But damn if he didn't wish it was. Things would have been so much simpler if it was only lust...

Would he be able to leave, once the mission was over? It had already been hard to think of when he'd still thought of Mello as just a friend. Could he... back out of the mission? Matt clenched his fists at the thought.

That was just idiotic.

Light would murder him for even suggesting that. And once that was done, he'd find some other way to get what he wanted, though nothing Matt thought of would be good for the residents there.

Light already knew the location....

Was that all he thought about, running from his problems? He sighed heavily. Matt hated having to deal with anything complicated, and emotions took the cake in that category. Mello, Mello, Mello. Everything began and ended with Mello.

Why did the one person he finally allowed himself to get close to turn into a love interest?

Now completely disinterested in his shower, Matt quickly washed his hair and shut the water off. He'd been in there long enough anyway...

Matt caught a blurred glimpse of himself in the mirror and wiped away some of the steam.

He stared at his reflection for a long moment before he shook his head. There was nothing special about him. He wasn't breathtakingly attractive, having rather average looks in his opinion. He wasn’t motivated by hardly anything in life, and his personality was rather skewed in a cynical way.

It didn't matter what he felt for Mello, because the blonde could never feel the same.

He dressed quickly, more than a little irritated with himself, and stepped out of the bathroom to find Mello still in bed. It wasn't that odd considering the coolness of the room. Though the atmosphere between them was once more at odds.

He found that he couldn't look at Mello, not without the dream coming back to the surface. It was hard, now that he knew why he felt so strongly towards him.

“I'm going to see if our stuff has come in.” Matt told his roommate. He really hadn't even thought about it until the words had already been spoken. It was a good enough excuse to escape.

“Alright. I'll get ready then; classes start in just under an hour.” Mello's voice was soft and had an almost injured quality to it, thought Matt couldn't even begin to guess why. He didn't say anything more and instead left the room and closed the door gently behind him.

He was always the one that messed things up between them, wasn't he?

Matt pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to ward away the oncoming headache. He couldn't tell if it was because of the mornings events or because he needed a cigarette. At least he could remedy one of those problems.

Thankful that he always had his smokes on him, Matt headed outside first. Rodger could wait; it wasn't as though he were expected either way. The air outside was neither warm nor cold, and Matt wondered at that.

It was colder inside that it felt outside. “Rodger really needs to stop being such a miser and turn the damn heat up.” Though Matt had a feeling that once the man did actually turn it on, it would end up being too warm. Perfect if they wanted him completely useless as excessive heat put him straight to sleep.

Just as excessive cold did if he were exposed to it long enough.

He took his time since the weather was good, and lit up a second and even third cigarette, before he turned back inside. It seemed that more people were up finally, as soft sounds floated around from different rooms; the ones awake not wanting to make too much noise just yet.

He knocked once on Rodger's door before he entered. The older man looked up from his paper work and looked a little surprised to see him. “I was not expecting you to come here this early.” Rodger than put his pen down and heaved himself from the chair and walked to a small area beside his desk.

“It came only an hour ago, but everything is in it.” Matt took the box with a curt nod and left the room. He never liked being in any of the places that had cameras for too long. For whatever reason, he never felt comfortable on camera.

The box in his arms was heavy and he hoped that this time there was an equal amount of everything. Last time Mello's chocolate had taken up more space so he had one less carton of cigarettes, though the story was still that Matt needed the chocolate to stave off cravings.

And Matt knew that Rodger still didn't believe that.

The room was quiet when Matt entered, the bathroom door open and light off, and no Mello in sight. He dumped Mello's chocolate on his bed and put away his cigarettes and set the empty box by the trash bin as it was too big to fit.

He took out his PSP, stuck a cigarette in his mouth, and went to breakfast. He was just the slightest bit miffed that he'd been left behind, despite the fact that everything was awkward just a little while ago.

Matt was aware of the eyes on him, though it probably had more to do with the cigarette than anything else, and ignored it while he took an orange. He really didn't feel up to a full meal at the moment.

Breakfast was...odd.

Mello continually glanced at him, with a blank expression, while he ate his chocolate and Matt pretended not to notice. Despite how obvious it was. Near had, his own version, of a thoughtful expression on his face. Which really was just the slightest curve to his lips and quicker movements when he played with his hair.

At least Near hadn't asked any of his questions yet. However, Matt knew that he would eventually if things remained weird between him and Mello. Which really made him wonder just what, exactly, Mello had heard.

Just when Matt thought things between them had gotten better, his brain had to supply that lovely dream. He picked idly at the orange peals, having quickly eaten, and replaced the unlit cigarette between his lips.

He was going to have an orange flavored cigarette when he finally smoked it. He couldn't decide if that was good or bad. He had never been fond of the flavored ones...

Breakfast had ended with Mello practically sprinting from the room and Near staring at himas if he had all the answers. Which he did. But Near wasn't going to hear them. Ever.

Moring classes were pure hell. Matt was bored, as well as distracted. A horrible combination; witch wasn't at all helped by the fact that Mello was in his classes. He couldn’t even begin to concentrate during the lesson; though he knew it wouldn't really be an issue later on as he could easily catch up.

Not even his games provided relief.

He should have taken one of Mello's chocolate bars, it might have provided some form of entertainment, as it couldn't possibly have distracted him any further. Time seemed to go irreparably slow, and he could hear the damn ticking for once, before lunch.

Matt decided, as he walked to the dining hall, that he needed a backup form of entertainment, something that would distract him from being distracted. If there was such a thing.

He sat down at their usual table, with some sort of soup and a pear; because fruit completely goes with soup. Near was already seated there and had begun to stack, what looked like individual creamers, into a pyramid. Mello joined a few minutes later with two sandwiches, though he looked completely irritated.

“Matt what did you think of-” Matt turned to look at the blonde, who had asked him something about one of their lessons. He seemed to have gotten over, or at least decided to not dwell, on whatever he'd heard.

“What?” Matt honestly had no idea what Mello had asked. “Did you even pay attention during the lesson?” Mello asked. At the blank look he received he rolled his eyes and went on about some mistake the teacher had made during literature, and it somehow morphed into a rant about Rodger.

Matt was suddenly noticing things he hadn't before, or hadn't allowed himself to, like the way Mello tended to gesture frequently with his hands as he talked. Or the way his eyes lit up and his expressions became more animated during a heated discussion such as now.

He found it utterly absurd that he was only now beginning to notice those things. Though it may have had to do with the fact that he was finally letting his thoughts go down that path instead of pushing them away into a dark corner.

It was as though the dream had opened floodgates to everything; had he really not wanted to ‘see’ this that badly, believed his own lies about why he was so… relaxed around the blonde?

“-and now your ignoring me! Why do I even bother with you?” Mello huffed irritably. “Because I get your expensive chocolate?” Matt supplied without looking up.

When no reply was given Matt glanced to Mello only to find him looking away, chocolate paused between his lips. He couldn't see the blonde’s face but the 'confused' look Near had made him wonder what was going on.

But before he could even attempt to ask, everyone, including Mello, had begun to unseat themselves. “Come on Matt, just because you don't pay attention doesn't mean you should be late.” Mello's voice was a touch softer though Matt knew the window of opportunity to ask anything had long passed.

The rest of classes flew by; though Matt did hear mention of a new project, which he was unsure if he actually wanted to complete as it involved research. Mello did say that class grades didn't matter all that much...

Matt had no doubt that Mello would make sure he had it completed and turned it in, at any rate.

With nothing left to do for the time being Matt decided to go to the common room; he didn't exactly want to go back to their room just yet. And the common room did have a PS2 hooked up.

The halls were currently crowded with children all leaving their classes which made it hard to maneuver. Surprisingly though, the common room was relatively empty. Save for three people around a chess board, two who played and one who watched, and two girls who occupied the PS2.

Matt sat down in the corner of the room, easily in eye shot of the big screen TV that the game was hooked up to, and watched as they played. The level ended and both girls cheered as they had apparently beaten their high score of 1250.

“Amateurs.” he muttered under his breath. He took out a cigarette, as well as his own game, and waited a small while longer. When it became apparent that they would not be leaving anytime soon Matt stood from his seated position on the floor and left.

There really was no point in waiting there any longer. If they hadn't stopped playing yet, they were unlikely to do so in the near future. Instead, Matt headed outside and lit the cigarette that was already in his mouth.

He shivered and rubbed his arms.

Matt had to wonder why he didn’t just get a jacket for himself; he’d be able to smoke more without the threat of getting sick like before. But the more he thought on it, the quicker he decided to leave it alone. He had a feeling he already knew the answer anyway.

Mello was at his desk when Matt entered the room; the soft sounds of typing permeated the small room. It seemed that Mello wanted to get a head start on their project.

“Where were you?” the blonde asked without having looked up. Matt raised an eyebrow. “You know, you always seem to need to know where I’ve been, any reason for it?” anytime Matt was gone for any length of time, Mello asked him his whereabouts.

Mello was silent for a long moment. “I'm just curious.” Matt could tell by Mello's posture, the slight tension in his shoulders, that he was lying. Though he honestly couldn't think of a reason for it.

With a silent sigh Matt pulled out his desk chair and sat backwards on it, and faced Mello who tensed even further. Matt’s fingers itched to brush aside that stray piece of hair from his face, so instead he pulled the PSP free of his pocket.

“I went to the common room because I was bored. I was going to play on the PS2.” Matt placed another cigarette in his mouth, still unlit, and wondered if he should get some sort of chewing gum as a distraction.

Mello looked up from typing. “And you’re not bored now?”

Matt smirked and shook his head, “No I came back because I was bored.” Mello snorted and muttered something that sounded like 'you're hopeless' before he continued on typing.

The room lapsed into silence, though it was a comfortable one, and Matt found himself finally being able to relax and concentrate solely on his game. He was down to ten hit points, the final boss only three, and was defending against an attack when a loud 'bang' startled him.

His finger slipped just enough that his character didn't move in time and was fried by the electrical attack. Game Over. That had been the final level, the final boss, and his last save point was over ten levels ago.

Matt narrowed his eyes in irritation and looked up. Mello stood there, hand on his hip, and a look of obvious amusement that tugged at his lips. Matt sighed as he felt his anger melt away. There was just no way he could even possibly stay irritated with the blonde when he looked like that.

“Now that I have your undivided attention, get your ass up. I'm hungry.”

Matt watched as Mello stuck a chocolate bar somewhere inside his pants and tapped his foot impatiently as Matt stood. It was decided, Mello was officially bad for his health.

“Demanding much?” he asked as level fifteen was started again. He didn’t even have his sword in that level.

“Yes very much. Now can we go before I start eating things that aren't food?” Mello said blandly. And in no way meant as a sexual innuendo. Though Matt's face still heated up as the images from the dream popped up fresh in his mind.

Mello stared at him oddly as he quickly brushed passed him and out the door.

“Damn.” he swore and tried to clear his mind, focus on the game, and get rid of a rapidly rising problem. He really needed to control his reactions better, this could not happen every time he thought about Mello doing that. Not that he should even think of Mello doing that...to him.

He groaned.

Matt was lucky enough to have everything in control by the time he entered the dining hall. He didn’t really feel much like eating after that, more to his own embarrassment than anything, so only took a few light items.

“Geeze, you certainly got here quick for someone who would have missed dinner had I not pulled you from your games.” Mello stated, with a slightly suspicious tone, as he sat himself down next to Matt.

“If I eat I can get back to beating the game. Which you messed up when you distracted me.” Matt said around a bite of salad. “And how did I distract you, oh game addict?” Mello asked.

“Slamming a book, perhaps?” he mumbled.

“Ok, fine. What would you have preferred. Slamming the book on the table or getting hit with the book?” one look at Mello's face suggested he was completely serious.

“Can’t you just throw wrappers? They're softer and you leave plenty of them lying around.” and Mello seemed to have an endless supply of them.

“I could... but your reactions are more amusing this way.” Mello shrugged as Matt shook his head. He would need to start saving every time he could. Matt never had to save every level before, but unless he wanted to repeat his games twenty times before he even finished them he would.

He hadn't learned to do this yet, why? He'd only had four months to get used to the blonde's antics...

Matt finished off the salad, which had begun to taste bitter towards the end, and watched as Mello pulled free a chocolate bar and tore into it with a loud snap. Matt was amazed that anything could fit in those pants with how tight they were.

Matt quickly pulled his gaze away from Mello, as it had started to drift, and returned it to his remaining food. He picked absently at the mixed fruit; not really intending to eat it as he pushed it around the small bowl.

“Matt seems rather distracted, why?” Near questioned him. Matt, despite himself, jerked his head up to look at Near and felt heat rise to his face. Why was it that Near always seemed to notice everything? Mello had now turned to look at Matt, while he still glared at Near, with a curious expression.

Not for the first time Matt had wished Near kept his questions to himself.

Matt quickly popped a piece of fruit into his mouth, which left him unable to reply, only to choke and spit it out. “Ack! Pineapple, I hate pineapple!” he gagged and drank down the remainder of his soda.

Mello stared at him for a few more seconds before he began to laugh. Matt held the empty drink in his hands and watched the blonde.

Mello's nose was scrunched up cutely as his head tilted to the side, eyes shinning brightly with mirth. If Matt hadn't figured it out before, he definitely would have questioned his feelings now.

The blonde was just too amazing not to.

“If you hate pineapples why didn't you pick them out before eating? Not that I didn't enjoy the show.” Mello asked, lips stretched into a wide grin.

“I'm glad my pain amuses you.” he stated dryly while he glared at the offending fruit. Mello cuffed him lightly in the arm with a small laugh.

“You're not hurt so yeah it's funny. And though it actually pains me to agree with the little freak, you do seem a little distracted. Any particular reason?”

Matt blinked silently at Mello and glanced at Near, both who seemed to wait for a response from him. Of all the times for Mello to actually listen to Near...

“Not really. Just thinking.” Matt shrugged a shoulder while he quietly wished for the end of dinner. Mello raised a slim eyebrow, disbelieving in a way, while he stared at Matt. He appeared about to say something however seemed to think better of it after a glance towards Near.

By some stroke of luck, at least by Matt's standards, mostly everyone began to get up and leave. Dinner was over, though Matt had long since lost track of time.

With a sigh Mello stood up and waited for Matt to do the same. Matt rather hoped that Mello would not press things. He didn't want to lie to him anymore than he already had to. And with the blonde so adept at being able to spot his lies, it would no doubt hurt him.

But this was not something he could tell Mello. Certainly not...

Once back in the room, Mello seemed contemplative. As though he had not yet reached a decision about whether or not to pursue his question. Whatever question it had been. He paused in his movements, to perch carefully on the edge of the chair back, as he bit into his chocolate again.

Mello sighed heavily in defeat as he glanced at Matt one last time. Matt felt a little relived, Mello wouldn't be asking anymore awkward questions that night. Or at least not about that subject.

Matt kicked off his boots, as Mello grabbed a textbook and settled onto his bed with the PSP. “Don't study too long.” Mello looked up with a smile and nodded. Matt turned onto his side, face away from the blonde, and pulled his goggles off.

“Hey Matt...” Mello began, a while later. Matt looked up, eyes strained in the yellowed light of the room. Mello hesitated, as he glanced at the clock, before he shook his head with an odd smile on his face.

A forced smile.

“Never mind. I do think we should go to sleep though, it’s not like it’s the weekend.” Mello closed the textbook a second later and left to change in the bathroom.

Matt sat up on the bed and looked at the numbers that glowed brightly on the clock. Eleven forty-three. It was seventeen minutes until Mello's birthday. Had the blonde actually thought about telling him?

“Mello...” he breathed quietly with a small smile. Wouldn't he be surprised tomorrow.

-End Surprise-

AN: K first, don't tell me you can't fall in love with someone in 4 months. It happens in real life. Lol. (it's not like I did three days or love at first sight so don't b***h at me. Well you can, but i'll send it to Lady Hiroko and we'll laugh at you ^_^)

Other than my rant, what did you think?

Also, I just put out the first chapter of a new fic (was only going to be a oneshot but its over 12,000 words so its a two parter) that deals with Mello and Matt and a virus... its called 'Dead is the New Alive', check it out, I think you'll like it. :)