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Gone Forever	By : Nayru774 Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 3479 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Warnings: Angst, Yullen talk, sexual themes, some lemony-stuff.

~Gone Forever~

Chapter 12: Worst hangover ever

Water... Was the first unspoken plea that came from Allen the moment he came to his senses. He's never felt such thirst for something to drink in his whole entire life before, he admitted to himself in his dazed state.

The next thing that registered in his brain was the headache. It wasn't as painful as it was unnerving, though. But the totally worst part was probably the feeling in his gut; the feeling of sickness to his stomach – overwhelming and intense, almost making him want to vomit.

Hell, he felt horrible.

Purring in dissatisfaction and wrinkling his eyebrows, Allen shifted to the other side, not bothering to open his eyes just yet. He was attempting to recall the reason behind his current state, when–

Wait, didn't he just brush his hand against something warm? Something that definitely wasn't a wall of a bed sheet. It almost felt like...

The boy opened his eyes. Then blinked a few times, trying to register the sight before him.

Oh my God...

Allen's mind started to scream at him, slowly comprehending everything.

Oh my God... Oh my... God.

Yes, that's exactly how Kanda's sleeping face looked like.

He didn't need to wait any longer before he pulled his hand from the other's naked chest away, praying to God that his movement didn't wake the Japanese up.

"Ow–" Trying to get into a sitting position, he stopped in his attempt at any further movements, feeling the sudden jolt of pain that flashed though the lower part of his body. Dear God, don't tell me... We didn't...

Even more horror struck when he noticed that he was actually naked.

Not looking forward to any of it, the boy lifted the bed cover up, just enough to be able to look underneath it. And just like he feared, the sight he witnessed under the sheets left very little to the imagination.

Okay, maybe he wasn't entirely naked – he still had his socks on.

We so did... Allen finally admitted to himself, groaning. For a moment there he hoped it was just a messed up dream, but the sight of his thighs was enough to confirm him wrong, still covered in dried trails of... something red and white.

He remembered almost everything that happened during the past night. Or at least he thought that he did.

Dear God, I did... And then... And Kanda... And I...

"What's with that face?"

Allen's heart almost jumped to his throat, making his insides twirl, when he heard the all too familiar voice. Kanda was awake? Dear Lord, what was he supposed to tell him now? How was he supposed to face him? What was he supposed to do?

"K-Kanda..." Was all the boy muttered out before he abruptly threw himself back to the bed, pulling the covers over his head, as if trying to hide himself from the other's presence. God, he felt so ashamed of himself...

"Oi, what the hell are you trying to pull?" The older male asked irritably, though his voice sounded surprisingly calm at the same time. He tried to jerk the sheets away, though not putting much heart into the attempt. "Stop acting like a five year old."

When no further response came, Kanda started to pull even harder, though Allen still wasn't giving in. Then the man started to wonder why the hell he gave a damn in the first place. If Walker didn't want to talk to him, then why should he care? And here he was, actually trying to be considerate for once.

"Che." The Japanese hissed before he laid back down on the bed, turning to the other side, so that he was facing the boy with his back now. He suddenly started to feel angry, both at Allen and at himself somehow.

"K-Kanda, I..." Allen muttered after a moment of silence, sticking his head out a few inches, so that only his eyes emerged from behind the covers. He turned in the other man's direction - only to be greeted by his back. But truth to be told, the fact actually made Allen more relieved. It was... easier this way. "I'm sorry."

The Japanese grunted in irritation. "You'd better be."

Awkward silence followed.

"Are you asleep?"

It's been somewhere around twenty minutes after both of them fell quiet and not even dared to move an inch.

"I just woke up, why the hell should I be asleep?"

Well, so much for trying to make the situation any less awkward.

"I need some water... Or I'm going to die." Allen whined.

"Go get some, then."

"...Right." The boy agreed, hesitating a bit. Finally moving, he tried to get into a sitting position, apparently forgetting not to go too abruptly while at it. "Ow–"

"Che." Kanda suddenly hissed, growling. "Stay where you are."

Allen blinked in surprise, wondering if he was hearing things or did his yelp really bring an unexpected reaction from the dark-haired man.

Next thing he knew, Kanda was getting to his feet. The only thing that terrified him, however, was the fact that the Japanese wanted to take the bed cover with him while at it. There would be no problem if they had separate two of those.

"H-Hey!" Allen blushed, pulling the fabric back towards himself, praying that Kanda would get the idea. He didn't want to leave him naked here like this, did he? And–

The boy shivered. He noticed just now how chilly the air in the room actually was.

"What the hell are you so embarrassed about?" The dark-haired man snapped, pulling on the cover even harder. And for the very first time since they woke up, he actually turned in the kid's direction and looked him in the face. The action seemed to have put Allen a bit out of track, because he went still at it.

And they stared at each other for a few seconds in silence.

"Jesus fucking Christ." Kanda was the first to move, muttering the curse under his breath, as he averted his gaze elsewhere. He let go of the goddamned sheet and turned to the other side, bending himself. He apparently looked for something on the floor.

The rustle of fabric told Allen that he had found what he was looking for. And then Kanda was finally on his feet with the Exorcist uniform tangled around his waist, making his way towards the bathroom.

It didn't even take a minute before the dark-haired man was back, approaching the boy with a glass of water.

"Here." Kanda almost threw it him in the face and sat back on the bed, with his back turned to the boy again.

"Ah..." The younger male was dumbfounded from the gesture at first, but accepted the gift without hesitating too much. "Thanks..."

And with one go, he swallowed the contents of the glass quickly.

Suddenly, Kanda sighed irritably. "So, where the hell have you been?"

Allen raised his face up from the glass and looked at the other man in awe. Now this he truly didn't expect.

Was it just him, or was Kanda really acting kind of... nice – as far as the word 'nice' could go along with Kanda – ever since he woke up today?

"I've been to a night club." Allen admitted, choosing to submit to the question and not attempt to start another fight for the moment. It was weird enough for the Japanese to try and start such a conversation in the first place, so he didn't want to mess things up. "...Earning money."

"What?"

"Um, playing poker." The boy quickly added before the other could get any weird ideas.

"You can't be serious..."

"I am."

"Che." Kanda went silent for a moment before he added: "And the alcohol?"

"Uh, that..." Allen hesitated, feeling mortification kicking in. "Wasn't planned..."

"Someone got you drunk?"

The more Kanda went on with the questions, the more surprised Allen became.

"You could, uh..." The white-haired started, but then decided that it was no use in lying. At least not when the other was asking him this with such sincerity in his voice. "No, not really. I... I didn't want to turn their offer down, for they would have stopped playing with me."

"You did it all for money?"

"Well... yeah?"

"Are you an idiot?"

"What's so idiotic about it?" Allen frowned, angered by the remark. "We need money to go on, if you haven't noticed yet, BaKanda! Just because you get some from the Order doesn't mean I still can!"

Well, maybe the kid did have a point. But still... "Ever considered telling me about it? Instead of running away to God-knows-where and doing God-knows-what, leaving me to wonder what's going on in that messed up head of yours?"

The younger male fell silent, blinking at the other in disbelief.

"The Order provides me with money that would last for more than the both of us with ease. There are just a few of us Exorcists left by now, if you haven't noticed yet. They higher-ups aren't as stingy as they used to be. Not after we became so crucial to them in the past few months." Kanda explained, slightly surprised with himself alone from getting so talkative all of a sudden. But anyway– "You could have just asked me, you know."

Allen's mouth was agape by now, looking as if he'd seriously just seen a ghost. Was Kanda for real? "...I can't believe you just said that."

And he meant it, because he couldn't recognize the Japanese right now. Compared to the three days back, where Kanda acted way, way more rude towards him than ever before, he threw something like this at him now? Allen was seriously confused. He didn't understand the man's mood changes in the slightest. No, seriously, was Kanda for real?

The boy kept staring at him not any less dumbfounded when the older Exorcist turned back in his direction, looking him in the eyes. Kanda still had his usual frown on his face, but it was... different, though Allen wasn't sure how to describe that difference altogether.

He looked... more gentle, maybe?

And then, all of a sudden, Kanda's features changed back to his usual ones as he narrowed his eyes, giving the other a suspicious look.

"If it's sex you wanted–"

Allen didn't even think before he reacted to that, eyes going wide even more than they were before, blood rushing to his cheeks at the speed of light. "N-No! Of course not!" He yelled, frowning and not averting his gaze from the other, though it was hard. "Don't be stupid, Kanda!"

The dark-haired man's seriousness didn't lessen even the tiniest bit. "Why are you blushing like a goddamn tomato right now, then? Did I hit the nail on the spot?"

Walker seriously wanted the bed sheets to swallow him whole, or let his body disperse how it almost did at the Asian Branch not that long ago – anything to make him run away from the other male right now. He didn't like where this conversation was going. If he didn't watch out with his reactions, things might get really uncomfortable.

"No! And it's because you keep asking me such embarrassing questions to begin with!" Allen fired back, his voice angry. "Who do you think I am! Not everyone's such a pervert like you!"

Definitely over the line, but the boy wanted for it to go there.

"What the fuck–" Kanda snapped, more than offended from the remark. "Who are you calling a pervert, you twisted little–"

Allen stiffened when the other suddenly flew at him, pressing his wrists to the mattress, deeming him immobile. Dear God, he wanted to die. "See what I'm talking about? Let go of me, you bastard!"

"You're the one who provoked me yesterday, if you don't remember!" Kanda roared back, sitting on top of the boy's waist, and Allen thanked all that was holy that there was the Exorcist uniform and the thick bed cover separating them right now. At least from his hips and below. "You fucking seductress!"

"I'm not–" The snow-haired started to struggle and grinded himself against the other, creating a friction that was far from welcomed at the moment. "Ugh...!" Allen wanted to die, he seriously wanted to die! "I-It's not my fault you got turned on by a stupid Moyashi, you asshole!" And he did it again, despite himself. Bloody hell– "Get off of me!"

"Goddamn, are you even aware of what you're doing...?"

The question made Allen open his eyes, realizing just now that he even closed them to begin with.

He went still, noticing that his breathing was sped up and ragged - just like Kanda's was... And he looked at the other male, but his eyes were closed and he seemed pissed, teeth pressed together tightly and an anger vein visible at his forehead.

What the white-haired wasn't aware of were the thousands of questions and statements running through the other's head.

"Ngh..." Suddenly, Allen moaned, feeling as the dark-haired pressed into him in return, making his brain go all fuzzy around the edges. "K-Kan- Agh...!" Dear God, what the hell was going on, he didn't get any of it anymore!

The older Exorcist grinded into him again, making him moan even louder from the friction – which was far from unpleasant, mind you – but still–

Allen didn't know when his legs even ended up tangled around Kanda's waist to begin with, but they were there, with all the fabric still between them, and– "Ah... Aah...!" He breathed between moans, grinding into the man, answering the other's thrusts with his own.

They lost themselves in the pace – filled with moans, gasps and hisses – Allen throwing his arms around the dark-haired's neck somewhere in the process, bringing him closer, but not kissing – not daring to kiss him right now – only hugging tightly, holding on to the other as if his life depended on it.

And it was over faster than he thought it would be.

Orgasm kicking in, Allen moaned loudly as waves of pleasure overtook his body mercilessly. And for a few seconds he had no idea what was happening afterwards, his mind going completely blank from the overwhelming sensation.

When he came to, Kanda was still lying on top of him, Allen's limbs tangled around the man like they were before. Both boys were trying to even their breathing out.

The dark-haired suddenly moved, pulling away abruptly, but since the boy didn't let go, he brought both of them to a sitting position.

Resting his chin on the Japanese's shoulder, Allen stared at the wall in front of him.

Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.

"God, how I hate you..." Kanda was the one to speak first, the words flowing through clenched teeth, apparently regret getting the best of him after all was said and done.

"Likewise." The younger of the two only remarked half-heartedly in return.

Half an hour later the two were lying apart from each other on the bed again (Allen shoved away from the Japanese, as usual), their backs pressed together. Both were lost in their own thoughts, engulfed in silence as minutes passed by.

Allen had no idea what to think anymore. What the hell had happened just now? Was he the one who started it? Or did Kanda start it? Did they both start it? Why did they start any of it in the first place? No... He pressed me onto the mattress first. He's the one who started it! Why did Allen feel even more guilty and mad at himself while thinking that, he had no idea. Moreover, even if Kanda had started it, why did he... go on with it?

The Japanese suddenly sighed, loud and irritated. Hand pressed against his forehead, he had his eves closed, obviously mad at himself way more than the boy was.

"I'm not..." Kanda suddenly started, and Allen wasn't sure if it was just his imagination, or if the man's voice really sounded as uncertain as he thought it did. "Like that..."

The white-haired boy blinked a few times, trying to comprehend the actual meaning behind the words. And it seemed that he was right about the uncertainty thing. Kanda himself was apparently confused by the topic itself, though Allen was surprised that the man started it all by himself in the first place.

Did Kanda want to... talk about it?

"Me neither." Allen admitted in return, then turned silent for a short moment, as if thinking about something. "It's just... I don't mind if it's you, I guess."

The boy could feel an abrupt motion at the remark. "The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Ah– Um..." The younger Exorcist stammered, suddenly realizing that he definitely put too much honesty and information in that statement. Kanda might get the wrong idea– or rather, get the right idea, which was something Allen wanted as the last thing in the world to happen right now. "I mean– You're like a girl, anyway." He added without thinking.

"The fuck?" To Allen's dissatisfaction, the words caused the other man to move again. And the motion was way more daring than last time.

Black orbs locked with the boy's silver ones, and butterflies started to flutter inside of Allen's stomach all of a sudden.

There was something... different in Kanda's gaze. Something Allen couldn't define (curiosity? intrigue? ...affection?), and the moment he realized it, he wished that he never did. Because it couldn't be true, Kanda would never look at him that way – especially not after what happened last night – and now...

"Which part of me do you consider girly, Moyashi?"

The boy was suddenly at a loss for words, knowing full well that his remark was more than inappropriate. The dark-haired man was anything but feminine, now that Allen thought about it; with his masculine body, harsh treatment, and most of all: 'in-your-face' attitude.

"Um... Your hair?" The younger male asked rather than stated, throwing the only thing that actually came to his mind beside the former.

Kanda raised an eyebrow. "Like you're the one to talk." One of his hands traveled to the other boy's white locks, tugging on them lightly. "Haven't seen yourself in the mirror lately, have you?"

A few minutes later Allen was left without doubt to the ambiguity behind that statement.

Before he brought himself to say anything back, he dark-haired man moved his hand from the boy's hair to his right wrist, bringing the boy's hand in front of both of them.

"Hasn't your wound healed yet?" The Japanese's voice turned sharp again, making the other widen his eyes at the question.

He still had the piece of cloth wrapped around his hand, after all - and in all honesty, he was lucky that Kanda didn't ask him about it earlier. Still, Allen couldn't help the sudden panic the topic had caused, making his heart race like crazy.

"Ah, no... It hasn't..." Allen answered, trying to sound calm, but not really succeeding.

Well, he did tell the truth, actually...

"Let me see it."

The next moment, the white-haired boy tried to yank his hand away instinctively. "No." He said, though Kanda seemed far from satisfied with the answer, the grip on the wrist not weakening. "I said no– Let go of me, Kanda!"

"Show it to me." Allen tried to free his hand even more forcefully, but the Japanese wasn't intending to have him any of it.

"Let go!" The boy struggled even more, shifting on the bed altogether, though the moment he tried to escape, the other pulled him back in place again. "Ah– Stop it!" Allen grimaced, closing his eyes. "You're hurting me–"

"Stop trashing about, then I won't!" Kanda growled, pressing the younger boy with his hands down to the mattress, making him immobile, and looked him straight in the eyes. "What are you trying to hide?"

Allen only made an angry face, shifting his gaze to the side. "Nothing."

"Stop lying to me."

For a short while the boy's face expression didn't change. But then he blinked a few times, his features turned into more puzzled ones, then uncertain – confused? – finally to be filled with what Kanda figured was... sadness?

Allen relaxed more, as if giving the sign that he wouldn't fight back anymore.

And so, without hesitating too much, Kanda started to untie the black fabric from the hand in question.

...Right, he should have known it would come to this sooner or later. Was he a fool? How could he even hope to hide this secret from his friends forever? He was just postponing the inevitable. And now, of all the times, when maybe, just maybe, things started going in the direction he'd like them to go in...

He should have said something. Warn the other before he saw it, explain himself, anything–

You'll hate me even more...

But his lungs felt heavy all of a sudden, making it hard to breathe. No, he wouldn't cry over something like this. What was he, a crybaby? It was stupid.

"What the hell..."

There. His hand was finally free to see. And now...

"Moyashi, what the hell is this?"

Allen couldn't even look at the other as he spoke. "What does it look like, BaKa-?"

Before he could finish, the Japanese was at his throat, while his other limb was still griping the hand that had a beautiful stigmata carved onto it. Allen wasn't sure whether the man wanted to choke him on the spot or if he just wanted to keep him firmly in place, deeming him harmless.

"If you were trying to seduce me just to–"

"Of course not, you moron!" Allen burst out like a volcano, catching the other by the hand with his Innocence. Seriously now, he couldn't believe that asshole! Did everything in his deprived brain revolve around sex or what! "Stop jumping to idiotic conclusions so fast all the goddamn time!"

The boy yelped when the other pressed against his neck with even more force, cutting his air circulation off.

"Look at me." Kanda hissed in such a low voice that it sent a chill down the boy's spine.

And Allen did, opening his eyes and turning them to the other's, showing a pained scowl on his face. What he was surprised to see in the older Exorcist's features was the lack of disgust and hatred – if anything else, Kanda looked simply confused. Well, and maybe a little bit pissed.

"Now start explaining or I'm going to cut your fucking head off!" The white-haired stiffened at the words, but then the lack of oxygen made itself apparent way more than before. His lungs burned. He couldn't catch a breath. Was Kanda seriously intending to choke him to death? "Are you a fucking Noah, Walker?"

"No–" Allen couldn't even speak properly anymore. "And I would– If you'd let– me–" Before he knew it, his vision was being consumed by black spots, shortly followed by complete darkness.

Don't die on me yet, Walker~

Eyes going open wide, he breathed in – so hard that it hurt his lungs as if it was molten lava flowing in, not air – then he breathed in again. Panting so hard that it almost sounded as if he was moaning, Allen tried to even his breathing out with difficulty. Suddenly, he started to feel lightheaded and weak.

"Dear Lord..." Did Kanda just try to kill him?

Wait– Why was he lying on the floor?

"Breathe."

Allen looked up, only to confirm that the voice indeed belonged to the dark-haired man, who was currently looming over him and staring at him with a blank expression on his face.

"What was that for... You asshole, you almost..." The boy couldn't stop himself complain, speaking between breaths. "Kanda..."

"I believe you."

Allen went still. "...Huh? What?"

"If you were a Noah, you would have tried to kill me by now." The Japanese said in a calm voice. Then, getting up to his feet, he marched into the bathroom, just like last time.

The younger male blinked a few times, slightly out of it. Kanda wasn't trying to tell him that he nearly killed him just to check if a goddamn Noah would awake in him and stop the man in his attempt, right? Was the idiot for real? Seriously, did Kanda always have to do everything the extreme way? Because, really, he could have fucking killed him there. Like, for real.

On the other hand, maybe he did have a point. If Kanda wasn't taking any of his words for granted, now he had... more concrete kind of proof.

Suddenly, Allen felt himself being pulled up, a hand pressing into his back, bringing him to a sitting position. The Japanese was back by his side again, another glass of water present in his hand.

Oh, water was a good idea – his throat did feel unbearably dry.

"But you still have a lot of explaining to do." Kanda remarked, as he watched Walker swallow the contents of the glass hastily.

The boy inhaled and exhaled deeply when he was finished, waiting a few seconds for the burning in his chest to subside a little more.

"Yeah... I'll tell you everything."

Maybe things wouldn't go as bad as he assumed, after all. Or maybe they would.

Hell, only time was bound to tell.

Nayru's Note: The more I read other people's fanfiction and look back to the previous chapters of this story, the more I think that I suck at writing. Seriously, some of the writers out there leave me in awe of their writing style, ideas and portrayal of the characters, not to mention the pace they write in.

But it's a good kind of motivation, making me want to improve all the more myself, I guess. Because it does work that way. Well, I never considered myself to be a writer in the literal sense of the word to begin with, but still... It involves Yullen, and I'm always passionate about my work when it comes to, well, things I put a lot of heart into. And Yullen ate my soul.

About this chapter, I can only say that things went totally out of control at one point for me, and I made something happen that wasn't supposed to happen. Now I'm mad at myself for it, because it is bound to influence the plot later on. On the other hand, I couldn't bring myself to change it after I made it happen already, so to hell with it.
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Gone Forever