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Heh Killua	By : Dadou Category: +G to L > Hunter x Hunter Views: 4595 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money for the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Hi guys. How are you doing?

This chapter was awfully long to write too. I do think though that from now on action will be a bit faster, i hope :) Ah give me strength guys.. i'm dealing with a lot of stress and not so many good things x.x In moments like these though I do thank that i love to write...

I couldn't hold it and added a flashforward. enjoy!^^

CHAPTER XII: x Precarious Balance x

I...must...go on standing

You can't break that which isn't yours

I...must...go on standing

I'm not my own

Its not my choice...

Regina Spektor

There are moments in life that get frozen in our retinas. Those photograph like moments that one revisits and revisits late at night... or during a long journey with dim light. Moments one wonders what was the first movement one did wrong, or what else could have been done. It can be addictive, just to fathom all the possibilities of how one thing could have turned out, had one turned left instead of right...

Had he not chosen these islands or to take Netero's mission at all ... had he not followed his brother that day at the deck...had he not been born on that family ...had he not been born at all. Had he not met Gon...had the shirt not been lifted at the medicul checkup or had he told the truth from the start...had he lied better, he could have done so much better, had he never spoken at all. Or had he ran away in the beginning, the beginning of beginnings...

Or just rolled by on his skate without asking his name before it all ended so messed up...

...Now his hands, sticky with blood grasped tightly the rail as he stared. He was calling him, extending the vowels...but the frenzy, the fear, it was now all washed away in numbness, he was finally dead inside- He'd finally pulled the trigger, he'd finally took the bullet, and knew what it tasted like, the loss, and now only something twisted could end it all...

And at the moment he'd dared to look at him. in the eye ..."Im sorry"- he'd said...

"I'm sorry" Leorio had whispered.

And he swiftly lifted Killua's shirt up.

Fuck

It only lasted a second, Killua quickly jumped away and moved backwards paralyzed.

Pain crushed him in the motion. So fucking much the world seemed to sway but he suppressed it.

He tried not to meet the doctor's gaze. And failed.

His eyes...

Leorio lifted his hands as a guilty man.

And Killua had a Dejavu. The four of them playing, and Leorio making that same gesture. That time, he could remember, it had been funny. You could tell his arms were too long for his suit when he lifted them…

But now in Leorio's eyes he could read the shock.

So this was serious. So it was happening. So he'd seen…

"I'm s-sorry I know I said but you were acting weird and- what the hell happened to you? Wh y are you injured, who did this, did you fight with someone? What the hell! Why were you hiding it?"

Leorio seemed really disturbed.

Killua tried to process the new situation. But his mind only took him to meaningless details like Leorio's sleeves, like the pain that crushed him, like the heat weighing his own forehead down and the cold floor at his feet as his friend ranted asking and asking. He didn't want words to form what he already knew, but there the scene lay. And he could only watch: the precarious balance he'd tried so hard to keep… crumbling down like Hisoka's card castles. He'd failed. He'd… failed.

"Killua! what happened to you? come on speak"

The boy was unresponsive. Leorio paled by the second.

"Killua" dark bruises, dried blood, the deep cuts slashed against the pale skin as if a canvas-

But maybe he just wasn't used to see a small body so damaged. Maybe this had a rational explanation, this was Killua, used to whatever since childhood, this was-Maybe it been his family? but they weren't in the ship so-

He tried to reach eye level with the boy placing a hand on the the albino's shoulder.

Wakening at the contact, Killua retreated indifferently, frowning...

"It's none of your business Leorio" he mumbled coldly. He walked away nonchalantly, as if annoyed.

"It is. Then someone did hurt you, who-"

"No, no one did, and anyways Not Your Business" he snapped.

"But if no one did then how- then you're telling me-"

Killua now glared " Have you a hearing disability? Not your fucking b-"

"THE HELL IT IS! You're hurt! Have you seen your back? Because I can show you-"

"AND WHAT IS IT TO YOU!" Killua yelled, his eyes now glaring dangerously "I didn't ask for your help! I didn't invite you to come in, and I'm in no mood to keep your pretense- noble doctor -playing, so place your butt in your own room and learn to let others be!Or better, I'm leaving"

He pushed past him aiming for the door. But his wrist was taken

" Don't you walk -"

"BACK OFF"

But Leorio abruptly stopped, aghast and not letting go "your….its broken. Your wrist- Killua your –this is the same one that- and its broken" he said startled, as his eyes went from the hand he now held carefully to the- boy's face, but Killua pulled it away angered, and hissed.

"Killua who-"

"it's nothing for heaven's sake!"

But as the albino moved backwards he tripped and supported himself in a wall loosing balance. He felt crushing pain, oh pain in his every move. He shut his eyes tight he could not think straight. The world was swaying and Leorio's eyes were alarmed, gaping

"Killua, if someone hurt you we-"

"shut up!" He closed his eyes.

" You're dizzy"

"Idiot, just shut up!"

There was a silence.

"Killua sit. I'm going to look for the others right now"

"…don't…" His voice was hoarse. And he felt the rush of dizziness to his head.

A hand took his shoulder again. Keeping him in place. And suddenly all his capacity was now focused on not losing consciousness. He could not risk passing out with Leorio knowing, he had to control the situation… but his head felt heavy and breathing made him dizzier by the second… He felt himself slowly edging to the ground, his back against the wall... Leorio had seen him… he was a step closer of Gon…knowing… and if he…knew… then he'd... Illu...mi…and…

Leorio felt his heart reach his throat. All his protective instincts triggered at the image of the frail boy in his hands slipping to the ground.

As he closed his eyes the albino's mind was racing, and racing on excuses and plausible lies, but he kept messing up, as breathing got harder, he could not find a good explanation for the wounds, let alone his bizarre reaction… He felt the world moving and a hand to his shoulder keeping him in place.

"Where are you hurt, you have trouble breathing, are you dizzy-"

"Stop it"

Leorio grasp tightened "Killua be reasonable, if someone hurt you I can-"

"you can't" Killua was putting all his effort in not letting the pain get to his eyes. Where was his dissociation, where where where Wtf

"then did someone hurt you? Does Gon know'?" Leorio murmured.

"Don't tell Gon" Killua snapped his head alarmed, his voice strained. And felt the world spin dangerously at the brusque movement.

"who did this to you-"

"no one did."

"was it a battle? I'm calling Gon" Leorio reached for his cell phone with his free hand.

"No"

"I am, you let me no choice"

"No" He stabilized the wavering in his voice. And Killua inhaled, mustering strength as he lifted his own arm. Leorio at first thought the boy was trying to steady himself. But then he let two fingers press lightly the elder's neck as he locked eyes with him. Behind his extended arm, those dark and empty eyes. He was breathing hard.

"Leorio…. I am a killer… You know it." He stared darkly from half lidded eyes as his tongue whispered "I could pluck each artery of your neck out. So I'll tell you what you'll do. You'll put that cell phone down. You'll leave me alone… You'll go to your room. And… you'll forget about this. Don't… make me …regret it" His voice a low feral growl.

The pail fingers gently applied more pressure on the two vital points on his neck, a cold dead darkness gazing through his violet eyes. Knowing the appropiate pressure could cause Leorio to go from feeling light headed to pass out in some seconds.

Leorio's eyes had widened in horror.

"You're so desperate your resorting to that?" He said in disbelief. "oh so what, you're going to kill me if I don't leave you to swoon in your fever? Kill me then, Killua"

And for a moment Leorio saw it, the flash of pain in the violet eyes before he hid his expression under bangs. He still held his arm… now pressing with more strength. And Killua knew…oh, he did...

The 100% certainty he would have been able to do it…

not a second of hesitance...

He'd be able. A human is by nature breakable. Slicing skin, flesh and bone, as if cutting through butter. He could have summoned the bloodlust even. He could have..

...Before he'd met Gon…

Of all of this he was aware and so he closed his eyes.

That 's the monster …you're trying to help ..Leorio…

Slowly he let his arm fall down to grasp at the floor for some solid ground, refusing to look up. Anyways the heat at his temples was fogging his vision.

Right now he wanted to die.

A hand placed on his forehead.

From afar he heard Leorio cursing under his breath. Moments later a couple of pills were shoved into his mouth.

"swallow"

Ice cold water burnt his lips. He swallowed. Feeling the pills raw against his throat.

"I have to take you to a hospital. You're burning"

"No." He whispered.

Leorio cursed again. Killua heard him pacing on the room… And then going to the bathroom. He heard the water running. And Leorio back

"You get in there now"

Killua closing his eyes, tilted a weak grin

"…I was …just… there"

"and now you're going back in there . I need to lower your fever." Leorio said, alarm thickening his voice. He knelt and swiftly flipped open the buttons of the albino's pajama shirt. "this is dangerous, you're burning-"

But he saw Killua's eyes widen. The boy had tensed almost painfully under his grasp. And next thing he knew, Killua's foot had made contact with his stomach and had sent him across the floor.

OOW He knew how to kick. The doctor curled in pain. But he quickly knelt to stand, ready to snap out. But he was frozen at the image

Killua, eyes shut tight, had lifted his head as in sheer pain. His shirt was open. And you could see, not only the many purple bruises against the so pale skin… one which was black...but the long cut that went from his navel down… and the horrible gash on the hip. It was what looked the nastier. Leorio suddenly felt sick.

It was a second before Killua covered himself, crossing his arms, his grimace masked by feral anger.

"FUCK OFF!"

"Killua-I'm-sorry-I"

"Fuck off Leorio, just Fuck off! " He said breathing hard.

" Im sorry but I need to lower your fever. It's dangerous! You need help!"

"I DON'T"

"YOU DO!"

Suddenly Leorio stood and approached the albino, not caring about what the boy thought anymore, he had to do something

"Don't dare come near me" Killua hissed suddenly feeling panick.

"are you BLIND?"

"I'm not letting you near-" he breathed fast.

"And I'm not letting other friend DIE SICK if I can avoid it!"

Silence fell heavily between them.

The boy looked started...

Leorio breathed slowly, trying to grasp the situation.

"Killu…ok...look" Leorio paced the room. "ok I need to lower your fever"

The boy just stared emptily ahead. "Ok, Killua, I know, let's make a deal"

Killua winced at the word. He felt about to throw up... but kept silent.

"Look, You don't need to explain yourself to me. And I won't tell anybody about what I see…Nor will I tell anybody if you want to tell me something." he said desperately "I won't tell Gon nor will I tell Kurapica." He spoke slowly, as if handling the weight of his words in his hands.

"In exchange you'll let me take care of you… and of those wounds properly." Leorio knelt in front of the boy "I won't ask… Just... let me help you... please"

The albino remained silent for some seconds. Just focused on breathing. Concern was drawn on the doctor's every feature. Killua hated it. But then he hated it all.

"Killu…please"

"Can't trust you"

Leorio looked at him long, but then nodded in acknowledgment.

"…ok. I understand. Look. I did not do it before, but now, I give you my word. And I have never and will never break my word to anyone I care for." he said determined.

Killua bit his lip.

"…I don't want your help" He shoved the doctor away. The world was starting to spin off its axis again. He determined he needed sugar so he stood up slowly. He gave hesitant steps across the room. and he let himself fall on his knees in front of the minibar. No chocolates. In a second a can was against his lips.

"Killua…please… I don't know how you're able to speak now. I need to lower your fever…please"

Killua drank and sighed with apathy "leave me alone, Leorio"

"Killua...I'm...scared to do so. You need help..."

"You...don't understand. You don't need to be involved" his voice was low

"But I'm already involved"

"No"

"Yes. From the moment I came to care about you. Wouldn't you help me in such a situation if it was the other way round? What would you say if I were injured?"

There was a silence. A silence where he abhorred the doctor...because he was right.

" I won't stop Killua. Else I'm telling, so choose. You. Need. Help; Let. Me. Help"

"ARGH" The can in the albino's hand crushed and spilled its contents on the rug… Killua looked at the ceiling and inhaled.

"Why" he hissed lowly "Why are you so stubborn?" He sighed heavily. " You must have learned it from Gon"

" Maybe. I did learn this from him too, so stick it in your head: Its because you are my friend".

The emphasize strictly based on experience. He knew Killua had problems with identifying stuff of the sort.

Killua closed his eyes...Yep. That was Gon talking through him..

Leorio smiled weakly.

Killua sighed... He felt his hands and feet growing number. His mind...it should be racing...but somehow it felt off and slow.

"No questions" Killua was willing his voice to steady itself … what was he doing, what was he doing…"Not one. and no telling. Anyone." Suddenly he realized he was leaning almost all his weight on the minibar. Defeat? He opened it again to take out a small bottle. Much better.

He felt the edge of not knowing at all what he was doing at the moment, this wasn't part of the plan...

"…I swear, I give you my word" Leorio said gravely. Killua frowned eyes closed.

"...No questions"

"Yes"

"No telling anyone…"

"Yes"

"This did not happen"

"...ok..."

"No telling…Gon"

Leorio felt sadness as he stared at the boy in front... Killua did not return the stare as he opened what appeared to be a small whisky sample. He tossed one at Leorio who automatically grabbed it.

His way of saying thanks.

The Zoldick looked at his broken wrist a second… and exhaled heavily.

"I seriously hate you right now" he mumbled.

Leorio smiled, approaching him.

"I know.."

"Nope. You don't know how this will hurt" He gulped dryly from the bottle shutting tight his eyes.

"What?-" Leorio had asked while Killua had already tossed the empty whisky away.

"why di-" But Killua, in a grimace of pain, extended his broken wrist, and attempted- Oh, and succeeded- in transforming his hand it into a claw.

Broken wrist and all…

A chill ran the doctor's spine

"KILLUA"

"…ah fuck…." He said frowning at the throbbing pain. He felt dizzier by the second, but without hesitation he looked at Leorio directly "Then I guess you treat this wound first." He tilted a devious smile, sweat pearling his forehead. And his claw dived at his own back. He scratched deeply over the skin where he knew he had imprinted that damned word.

"What? NO!" But Killua was done already…feeling in delay his wrist disturbed painfully. He stood hesitantly, and a little dot of red inked his shirt, that slowly spread into a blossoming red flower at the small of his back. His hand was back to normal and he couldn't move it now.. at all.

Leorio closed his eyes taking a hand to massage the bridge of his nose.

"why..?"

"already...breaking the rules uh? No..questions" Killua smirked. Dark spots were dancing in his field of vision "And here I was...hoping Gon... would interrupt us ...and save the day..." He was having trouble breathing.

"Killua-"

He took hesitant steps towards the bathroom. Black spots sparked in front of him.

"I'm sorry you saw that…But..now I'm ready for the...medical checkup...Now you...want…. me in the…bath...tu..."

And suddenly the boy swayed dangerously…

Before falling dead weight to the ground.

"KILLUA!"

Gon was walking determined under heavy foliage. You could barely see the light because of the greenery of the treetops above.. .

Kurapica had smiled "You know Killua wasn't the first one to discover those caves no? The captain told us about the tribe that left them behind…but he didn't tell us about his discoverer. I wonder why..."

Gon tightened the clasp of his fishing rod.

Biscuit eyes shone like two blue gems "I heard that by age 13 he began developing Greed Island. By age 29 he'd already founded the Luluka ruins and found a way to breed two-headed wolves…"

It had been rumored that one of Gin's famous discoveries, the two headed wolf-breeding, had been done on a small unknown island. He never told the exact location to the Hunter Committee. He just brought the hybrid specimen with himself to prove his existence before letting him free again some months later.

If he was the one to find the caves… then maybe… actually, quite probably…he'd found them here, on this particular island, whose natural fauna were regular black furred wolves…

He wanted to see them. Although it took him a day to find their nest, he wanted to see them with his eyes.

He was running. He felt it, the determination rushing oxygen to all his muscles, the pent-up energy bouncing him forward. He felt the defiance driving him mad, for just a second, irking him somewhere along his chest. From there blood pumped across his limbs energy, energy enough to make him cross the entire island twice if he wanted, being it the size of York Shin City.

No…he hadn't forgotten Killua… He just needed to do this first.

But suddenly he stopped dead and turned back, the sole of his shoes sliding across the ground to a halt.

His heart beat loudly in the unusual silence…

Don….don…don…

For a moment he could have sworn someone had been following him. Kurapica? No. He'd accompanied him, but he was looking on the other side of the island. And it hadn't felt like the kuruta at all.

He swung his fishing rod. But nothing could be sensed around. He waited in case that something chose to make an appearance.

But as nothing came…and the minutes past, he felt more inclined to believe it had been his imagination.

He kept on running.

He remembered Kurapica's last words

-I'm going with you Gon

-I'd rather do this on my own- Gon had beamed with dark determination

Kurapica had laughed

-I know that… But it seems I have my own affairs too on that island…- He sighed heavily.

-is it… the spider?- Gon had suddenly stood up alarmed.

-For the last three islands we've landed, I've been given quite an unpleasant surprise…- He opened his hands. There laid three joker cards. Gon felt a familiar sinking feeling

-Yes.. Hisoka. It's as if he's leaving these toying messages where I happen to wonder alone. They're always stuck in the tree trunk of an old tree- Kurapica looked far ahead.

-Gon… you know he may be following you..- The blond had looked at Gon from the corner of his eye, and Gon couldn't help but nod.

-But.. I think his last target was…Kuroro. And so it is of my interest to speak to him…after all he is wishing to do so as well it seems…

He was floating so comfortably in clouds of warmth…

But annoying consciousness slowly began reattaching body parts to his awareness; a neck to his head, then some hands to his arms, toes tangled in the sheets belonging to a foot… bones weighing him down, sinking him into the bed … But he still felt like floating in cotton, his limbs pleasantly resting…

He tried to stretch, overwhelmingly feeling that glowing haze through his muscles..

mmm…

That's when he realized something was wrong

The absence of pain.

He opened his eyes alarmed. Ugh light! He squinted and simultaneously noticed his body wasn't obeying his commands. He tried to sit, but it was as if each of his arms weighed individually more than the seven gates of entrance at the Zoldick residence… together…

" Killu! you're up" a relieved and weary voice murmured to his right… How are you feeling now? Are you better?" Killua still squinting, tried to assimilate the room. White walls. Oh no. White sheets. Oh noooo..An IV to his left wrist-

"You didn't" Killua felt the fear attempting to narrow his senses as he tried to sit. Failing. His voice was fogged by a lack of strength.

"I knew you'd say something along the lines…" He saw Leorio's blurry face, kind and smiling. The albino noticed his right hand was in a cast.

" You… took… me to a.." he breathed hard, realizing his words were slurry.

"fuck, what …did you… gave... me" His eyes tried to focus Leorio's eyeglasses. He was sitting on a chair very close to the bed.

The doctor seemed drained as he explained.

"I gave you a dosage to kill seven horses together… it seems that's the adequate amount for the drug to act as a painkiller on a Zoldick" Leorio tilted his head.

Killua grasped the sheets and tried to sit. He arms trembled at the attempt, as he cursed under his breath

"no…"

"No Killu, stay back…you need to rest" But the boy had managed to lean into a sitting position. Leorio took a hand to his head "you shouldn't be able to move at all" he sighed.

"what did…you… do?…." Suddenly Killua had looked at him. Directly as he hadn't done before. His violet eyes were still sleepy. And there was pain in them…but of another kind. And Leorio realized he was actually staring at the bare emotions, unmasked.

This was new.

"Killu, it's ok…" he whispered " you fainted in your room. Remember? You really had me going crazy down there, your fever was dangerously high, you could have accessed a seizure…" Leorio trailed. "So I came to the infirmary, showed them my pro-hunter license and rented a room in here. I asked the necessary tools and implements… and shooed all away from this room…and treated you…"

Killua was now looking at his white hands clasping the sheets…

He didn't want to think about it…

"what…time is it…" It was as if he was slowly wakening…all seemed a bit more clear in his vision. He wasn't staring at the doctor though.

"it's dusk…I've been here the entire day…I haven't even lunched!" Leorio laughed, trying to lighten the atmosphere… But Killua's eyes had widened alarmed for a second. So he'd slept the entire day.

"I'm sorry…Leorio…" He was still facing his hands. An entire day he'd lost control. An entire day, and Gon? what about- but Leorio answered his thoughts.

" I called Kurapica… I told him you were having a weird flu with a horrific fever, and that we were at the infirmary. And then I just told him you needed to rest for the day here. He passed the news to Gon. They are both out into some kind of exploring"

"They're…together?"

"yep, that's what I got"

A feeling of double nature settled in his chest. Gon wasn't there… He'd never returned for breakfast.

But he wasn't in danger either…somewhere relief had soothed his heartbeat. That prick probably was running behind something related to Gin. That selfish little bastard.

"Your cell phone's here and -" But Leorio suddenly realized Killua had weakly lifted his hand to place it loosely over Leorio's wrist, over the bed.

He was not looking at him but at his lap…

"…thanks.." he barely whispered.

Leorio smiled tiredly... He observed the boy for a few moments before he finally murmured.

"For a moment you really had me worried"

The boy looked so young and pale, silver hair falling over his brow. Colour was coming back to his cheeks... The shade under his eyes had decreased... but certain hollowness on the violet eyes stared ahead, gaze lost. It made Leorio swallow with difficulty.

"Killua... I…took the liberty to patch you up" Leorio eyebrows furrowed. He noticed how Killua had tensed. And quite frankly he could understand, he'd be freaked out in his position, and so he added quickly "You should see your face! I only took your shirt off. " The elder laughed " I was hoping you'd tell me if you had any cuts or broken bones in your legs when you woke up"

Killua slowly shook his head.

"good" the doctor smiled.

There was a silence..

"Killu…. are you going to tell me...what the hell happened to you"

The boy remained silent. But he closed his eyes frowning as if a familiar headache had stung again his forehead. Leorio exhaled.

" Who… did this"

"No one"

"Killu… I….patched up the cuts on your back and front…I bandaged your broken wrist.." he muttered feeling out of breath"and I stitched up that…cut at your hip.." His voice had darkened "The one that cleanly reaches your bone.."

That didn't include how he'd had to hydrate the boy as well as sedate him… The reason he'd passed out was because he'd had a major blood loss –Leorio had deduced from the gash.. and he'd still been at fast that morning. The gash itself was probably the origin of the fever...

Leorio remembered how he'd had to suppress himself at what he saw. After Killua fainted, he'd run to his unconscious body…

He'd been burning…

He'd taken him to the bed and softly pulled out his shirt…

He'd unconciously held his breath. He tried to forget this was Killua. He tried to focus on the clinical aspect of it all... He examined his back…and he could see in detail the dark straight cut, the edges a bit swollen. Without Nen treatment it would leave a scar…

Slowly he took the time to examine the multiple bruises, on different shades of purple and black that looked like fists. There was a visible huge bruise on his lower back, very dark and a bit swollen. Right beside where Killua himself had left a small wound were he could have sworn he'd seen the first time something like a word. His heart had shrunk by the minute, his mouth had gone dry. He'd been able to examine the deep long gash near the pale hip. Leorio had swallowed hard at this…

But maybe it unnerved him even more the cut on Killua's front. Images of wonder at how that got there intruded his mind…Persistent and troubled thoughts were the background music to his pacing at the infirmary all day long.

He applied nen to each of the wounds for a faster healing as he'd patched Killua up. How could he not ask? What should he do? He was in front someone who had been visibly injured by violence.

He could picture a fight of the sort. Sometimes as he thought, he came to the idea a torture scenario was closer to the evidence… but he couldn't imagine how. His family?

He should take into account this was not any boy. This was Killua.

None other than Zoldick heir…

None other but his friend...For the last years, part of the hunter family they'd created.

Now, as a Zoldick he'd killed and known torture since childhood..Why then... and maybe that was what worried him more...why then he seemed so vulnerable?

He'd never seen that expression on him before.. fear, defeat...He looked up again.. and there it was... hollow eyes, staring lost...

Leorio suddenly stood up, and slowly he placed his hands on Killua's shoulders. Quite softly he leaned him against the bed, so that he rested again. He felt his resistance on the tensing muscles. But then the boy seemed to space out, just staring at the doctor above as he arranged the pillow underneath and then brought to his mouth a glass of water

Details, sounds, Killua felt like standing in front of an edge... and the lightest hand could push him to a dark dark place.. So he focused... Focus in the doctor' eyes, their colour... They were tired. There was a concern wrinkle in between the elder's eyebrows . And somehow he looked older like that, and not the juvenile dude he always was. He looked so much like a professional doctor…

The dark abyss just at the corner of his mind made him giggle at the thought, Leorio, he was proud of Leorio. He giggled again

" I'm proud of you" He slurred a little

"uh?"

But the boy lifted a hand slowly to pat the doctor's hair in response. Leorio chuckled

"So the meds are kicking in finally!" he thanked the heavens.

"So you saying i'm...high" Killua closed his eyes. Leorio then decided he would take advantage of the situation.

...

"Soooo say Killu, how old are they?"

The albino lifted an eyebrow serious.

"So you also play dirty Leorio... they all do...You filthy rat... You should know I can handle high"

Also? Ah, the wishful thinking had left unaccounted that Killua had probably been trained to hide information in whatever state..

"Killu...who..." Leorio gently took one of his shoulders. Killua slowly took Leorio's hand away… and somehow he giggled softly. He extended one arm weakly into the air

"Did you…know that..when lying on his … on his back while talking..Gon always traces patterns in the air….as if he was drawing" he giggled again. "How stupid is that.."

"Killua.." he sighed. "Killu, I can't stay and do nothing. Please let me know who-"

"you won't get anywhere. I… won't tell you." His voice was tired and weak, but at least it wasn't as hoarse…

"Killua stop! Don't you see yourse-"

"I see clearly" he whispered. " I scared you. Sorry…" Killua tilted his face"I ..just got beaten up" His eyelids dropped. "I deserved it"

"beaten up? Killua, you could have passed out or died from the blood loss done with that gash to your hip. This…is serious-"

"It only means that I need more training"

There was a heavy silence. "you don't mean that"

"I do" .

"who did this?"

"leave it. It's nothing"

" This is not nothing. Killua, this morning you were a wreck"

"You don't get tired easily… But we had a... deal. No questions"

Leorio suddenly took his shoulders and wheeled him.

"Killua! Stop! Stop acting like nothing happened" Killua tensed frightened under the grasp

. Leorio softened. It was hard to keep control. He was doing things the wrong way. He inhaled.

"Killua I can't stay and do nothing, you have to tell me who-"

"I can't'" barely audible

"and I can't leave you like this-"

"I can't"

"and I won't let you-"

"my life goes on it"

"what?"

Killua stood silent.

It had run from his lips …. He'd almost said Gon's life, which was the truth but it was better this way... Maybe Leorio would get worried now, too worried to move.

Leorio stared in disbelief. He probably had heard wrong. Killua's expression was blank… but suddenly the albino rambled under his breath.

"I.. needed so much…so much to know no one else would know…" Killua curled to one side . A weak bitter giggle escaped him "But I couldn't think with the fever, it was terrible" his voice was drowsy " I think I cannot think with drugs that clearly either… All I know its that its better if this did not happen. It just didn't. Tomorrow…I'll act as such…Leorio"

"what-"

But seriousness imprinted the weight of his words " I have important reasons...But I understand I scared you. So I compromise that nothing else will happen to anyone. I can give you guarantee no... more attacks" That empty stare far off knowing it was a lie " You finding out.. you see, it was not planned... But I have it under control" The swift monotone fainter by the second... "But I have not lied. My life hangs in you ...keeping the promise."

You could translate Gon for my life… His superego was in total absence under the circumstances, so he let the words echo in his thoughts …ah…he was so fucking tired.

"You were threatened?"

The boy slowly nodded, eyes closed.

"please..." please don't ask...more...please...don't ask...why...

"Killua I swear to you ... but… oh god" Leorio was at a loss of words, suddenly grasping the bigger picture. As if having received a cold shower. As if being burnt. He could visibly feel the barrier he could not cross around the boy. Someone had threatened Killua to silence. His life went with it.

"Cant' I even tell Kurapica, to ask for help-"

"No" Killua's suddenly opened his eyes alarmed "Leorio-" But suddenly he was out of breath. He'd incorporated but it was as if all his body was made of cotton.

"Shh, lay back Killua...ok. I get it.."

Leorio was forming too many plausible explanations. It was sad that none of them were close…but you see, back then he hadn't had a way of knowing…. He'd only known- Now by heart- the injuries the kid sustained. Trying to decipher through them a tangled story, as if they were traces, signs that bore meaning, words he couldn't unlock. He only had the certainty that underneath his own doctor tie and shirt, his heart raced.

Leorio felt his mouth dry

"Killua.. I need to know if your.. hurt… anywhere else" .

"…I'm not" Killua said calmly.

"your legs..or"

"Leorio…I'm ok"

The doctor was looking into his eyes…and there was humbleness in the violet depth. It was so different to see this, such a change from the usual poker face…

"Killua...then...i'll take care of you...Kay?"

"I'll be fine on my own though...no more of this..."

"ok...you sleep now. You need it..."

Killua's eyes closed tired… His whole frame relaxed..

"Leorio I..."He inhaled..." I owe…you… a chocolate..." he mumbled as his eyes dropped..

Maybe it'd been a vendetta, Leorio tried to calm himself. He was a Zoldick after all…And probably Killua had more people on line to kill him than Justin Bieber had fans on a concert….

So maybe it had been something like a vendetta….and maybe Killua had let the person get away with it. Yeah, it could be like that. He'd willed himself to a vulnerable position possibly out of guilt, or more probably out of his characteristic sense of responsibility. And if that was the case then he, Leorio, should just let it all be...

Past being something so tricky and burdensome…
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Heh Killua