Echoes of Humanity

A/N: This so begins a set of rather short parts. Also, the next one is kinda Milo-heavy for a fic where Milo is supposed to be no more prevalent than Aldebaran or Aiolia. That is to say, somewhat important, but minor. This is supposed to be Mu and Shaka\'s story. However, because of my interest in working with Milo, I found that he was falling quie nicely into the role of the catalyst I needed to get Mu and Shaka rolling, since my brain abjectly denies that they would EVER do so on their own. So I apologize for the overuse of Milo as a plot device. Please forgive me.

Part XII

When he came to the deepest part of the temple without finding Shaka, Mu assumed that he could reach any of three conclusions. First, Shaka had actually left from the front door, and he just hadn’t noticed; second, Shaka was avoiding him; or, third, he was subconsciously avoiding Shaka and so had not noticed the Virgo Saint as he passed. He couldn’t decide which of the three he wanted to hold true, so instead he waited a few moments for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, then went and sat on the edge of the temple. What small amount of light there was present almost lost in the shadows cast by the pillars and various sculptures of the hall. Mu contemplated those shadows. He felt slightly on edge, the adrenaline coursing through his mind playing tricks on him as he imagined that they moved. So when one of them actually did move, a figure melting out from behind one of the larger statues, which he had passed on the way in, Mu shoved himself against the wall, instinctively adopting a defensive stance. He did not relax when the figure spoke.

“Damn,” Milo said with amusement. “You’re doing worse than the Virgo Saint.”

“What’s wrong?” Mu asked quickly, voiced deeply tainted with worry. “Is Shaka alright? Where is he?”

Milo just smirked at him and said nothing.

Mu gritted his teeth. “What happened to Shaka?”

“Nothing happened to him. He’s just hiding.”

“Milo. Please don’t play around like this. What is wrong with the Virgo Saint?” He asked again, slightly desperate.

Milo looked at him for a long moment, and his expression turned from one of surprise to one of knowing satisfaction.

“It’s alright, Mu. He really is okay. He was just taking a break from the crowd is all.” He said, voice gentled only slightly.

“I understand that.” Mu replied, only slightly appeased. “Please don’t make matters seem more serious than they are.”

Milo stared at him. “I wasn’t. You were the one who made the assumption. Do you truly think I would laugh if something had gone truly wrong?”

Mu sighed. “Seriously, Scorpio? I don’t know what to think of you half the time.”

Milo shrugged. “Which is why I joke about spiking punch with Aiolia, and you discuss philosophy and duty with Shaka.” He said.

“Why are you here?” Mu asked tiredly, not caring to carry on a conversation.

“Part of it is for the Goddess. She kept looking this way sadly, obviously troubled by the disappearance of two of her Gold Saints.” The words were said with a tone that seemed to indicate that it was a minor reason, and that there was more weight placed upon the remainder.

“And the rest of the reason?”

“You. And Shaka. Running out on the party. To tell the truth, I was somewhat worried.” The Scorpio Saint adverted his face at the last and Mu had the feeling that if Milo were one to blush, he would have.

Mu looked at the Scorpio Saint for a moment.

“Why do you suddenly care?” He asked, the question honest. It made Milo smile, the same slightly self-deprecating and oddly savage smile that seemed so strangely contradictory to itself, and yet fit the blue-haired man’s personality perfectly.

“I tried apathy. It doesn’t suit me as well as it does you, and ended up blowing up in my – and your – face.”

Mu nodded slightly. “It really doesn’t suit you. You’re far too much of a fighter to pretend that you don’t care.” He mused quietly, as much to himself as to Milo.

Something about the words made Milo laugh, and he looked at Mu wryly. “We’re all fighters, Mu.”

“Battles can be fought on many levels.” The Aries Saint countered. He had the feeling that he was being engineered to bring the conversation to something Milo wished to speak about.

“Yes. And we are constantly fighting them, in one form or another.”

“I disagree. There are many opportunities for respite.” Mu replied.

“Respite, but never an end.” Milo said. “We’re either living to fight or fighting to live. I’ve never been able to figure out which.”

Mu shifted under the Scorpio Saint’s gaze, slightly uneasy over the cold intensity of Milo’s scrutiny.

“Do you think we’re pathetic?” The blue-haired man asked suddenly, the frank curiosity in his voice slightly shocking.

“We?” Mu asked carefully. He didn’t pretend to understand the question.

“Yes, We.” Milo confirmed. “The Saints. As men, do you think we’re pathetic?”

“It would be rather narrow-minded of me to group us into one, would it not?”

Milo smiled. “Why? We all define ourselves by the same word, after all.”

Mu thought for a moment. “You mean Saint, do you not?” Milo nodded, and Mu continued. “It is our station and our job. Does not everyone define themselves by such?”

“Most people can add a few more words to their definitions, though.” Milo said, his tone still dangerously conversational. Mu sighed, not sure what his own emotions were. He hesitated only a moment, and it was truly only so he could word his response properly, but Milo jumped on the opportunity.

“You should try it.” He said quickly.

“Try what?” Mu asked, confused again.

“Define yourself with a word other than Saint. I’m sure you’ll find it hard. It takes a great deal of work.”

“It is not necessary that we do so.” Mu replied, voice strong. He was completely sure.

Milo stopped for a moment, and then started laughing. There was no madness to it, for which Mu was glad. The one time he’d driven Milo over the edge of his control had been enough, and he had no desire to do so again.

“And that, Mu, is why you’re having so much trouble with this party. See, we do not need to have another definition, this is true. However, we are far better people if we do. A…friend and I did an experiment once. You’d be surprised how much stronger you can be when you’ve added a definition such as ‘lover’ to your list.”

Footsteps sounded on the stone floor of the temple, as someone neared the area when they spoke, and Mu remained silent while they passed, more so he could form a proper response rather than any matter of privacy.

“Is it not a trade-off, such a definition?”

“No. I have it on a first-person account that passion comes in many, many forms. The more you care about, the harder you’ll fight.”

“And if you’re in danger of losing what you care about?”

Milo smiled. “That, my friend, is not something we need worry about. The first definition is far greater in power than anything that might come after. We do what is necessary, because we must.”

Mu took a deep breath, trying to read the Scorpio Saint. He had traveled dangerous ground with Milo before and nearly been swallowed up but, somehow, the situation seemed to call for the question.

“If that is true, than why have you been so…difficult…recently?”

Milo smirked. “I believe that the description you’re looking for, Aries, is ‘such a bastard.’” He paused. “But, to answer your question, I would say it’s because I’m in pain. Doing what is necessary does not necessarily mean doing what you want to do. I lost many things in my fight with the Bronze Saints, and I was forced to give up more than that.”

‘But…” Mu hesitated, and looked at Milo for a long time before he risked his next words. “You shouldn’t suffer for it either, Milo.” He murmured. “He wouldn’t want that.”

Milo laughed bitterly. “I wish I were hurting because of him.” He said. “Unfortunately, I am not that altruistic. I got over the fact that he was dead a long time ago. Everything you have seen is because I am a bastard, and a selfish one at that. I lost something that I wanted for my own, and I’m angry about it.”

Mu opened his mouth, then snapped it closed, thinking for a moment. “Aren’t you arguing against your own case, Scorpio?”

Milo shrugged. “Hardly. Any man, woman or child can tell you that a person fights far harder for something that they are in danger of losing.”

“And now that you’ve lost it?” Mu plowed on.

“Now that I’ve lost it, I can still define myself as a Saint.”

“You have no desire to join him?” Mu asked quietly. Milo truly did start laughing, then.

“Do you know what he would do to me if I tried, Aries?”

Mu said nothing, unsure, and Milo answered his own question.

“He would kill me again. I would lose everything, and become something I am not at the same time. I am foremost a Saint. It is who I am, it is what I am, it is everything that I am. I have no desire to join him, and it changes nothing about who I am, that I possessed what I did.”

“Possessed?”

“Like I said,” Milo replied with a slightly mocking smile, “Selfish bastard.”

“You realize,” Mu said, “That people generally aren’t supposed to realize that sort of thing about themselves?”

“It’s hard to pretend that you’re better than everyone else if you can’t accept your own weaknesses and shortcomings.”

Mu raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t quite sure that Milo was kidding, and that disturbed him greatly. He asked a question that had been troubling him.

“Are we alright? After what happened after Athena’s first visit?”

Milo smiled again, meeting his eyes with a gaze that was dark, but calm. “Please don’t ask that, Mu. I would like to think that I haven’t completely shattered any trust between us.”

Mu wondered what trust that was. He couldn’t remember having any with Milo before but, then, he didn’t actually think that he’d lost any of it, either. “I just…want to know whether you’re….” He trailed off, searching for a diplomatic response. None came to him.

“You want to know if I’m liable to attack you and rape you in the dark?” Milo asked, voice low and slightly dangerous. Mu tried to deny it, but couldn’t find the strength of will or the ability to actually do so.

Milo watched him for a long moment and then sighed, the breath sending a shudder through his entire body. “I would like us to be okay, Mu. It…I know what I did is unforgivable.”

That was something Mu could deny, and he jumped at the chance to reassure the Scorpio Saint. “No. You stopped. I don’t care what you think, you did nothing that harmed me.”

“Maybe not. But my thoughts were stained red that night.”

“Then it is a tribute to your strength of will that you did stop.” Mu said seriously. Milo just stared at him for a long moment, eyes wide with shock.

“You...are absolutely amazing.” He said, awe in his voice. “At least I know I’ll never have to be the bigger person when you’re around.” He laughed slightly. “I think we are alright, Aries.”

Mu felt the weight lifted off his shoulders, and wished that he could get the weight with Shaka’s name emblazoned across it off his chest. “So,” He said, not sure if he was trying to lighten the mood or get a serious answer. “I don’t have to worry about you molesting me again?” He asked, tone flat since he couldn’t quite how he wanted to say the words. Milo raised an eyebrow, looking at him.

“Not unless you want me too.” Came the reply, and the tone mirrored Mu’s own. The Aries Saint stared, unsure what to say. Milo laughed again.

“I’m kidding, Aries. I realize that I’m not the one you want. It wouldn’t work, anyway, and you’d make a dramatically tragic one night stand.”

Mu barely processed the last sentence. He was too busy trying to find a response for the first. “I don’t want anyone.” He said quickly.

“You are a terrible liar.” Milo replied. “But I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why you seem to think that you have to lie. Or why Shaka seems to have adopted the same lie.” He smirked at the look Mu tried not to give him. “Yes. I talked to him about the same thing.”

“Why?” Mu asked, voice cracking slightly from both hope and fear.

“Because watching you two is quite an interesting game, and I want to see where it goes.” Milo said. “You are the most pathetic pair of people I’ve ever seen. And I’m including myself in that count.”

Mu tried to process what Milo had just said, and didn’t even think about being offended by the insult.

“At least my emotional eunuch,” Milo continued, his cocksure grin melting into a sad and wistful smile. “Was willing to talk.”

“There is nothing to talk about.” Mu replied flatly. He had lost the argument. Milo knew as well as he and Shaka the attraction that existed between them.

“Dammit, Mu!” Milo snapped, and Mu tensed at the anger in the Scorpio Saint’s voice, an echo of the last time he had angered the blue-haired man. “Just let yourself feel. It isn’t so damn bad. It’s a lot of work, I won’t lie. It also has a tendency to hurt like hell, with everything that can go wrong. But it’s a lot better than running like a coward.”

Mu couldn’t think of anything to say. He stared at the scorching, sincere emotion in Milo’s eyes, and tried to think of anything that would make the situation better. He wished that he and Milo had just continued with the tense silence that had lain between them like a stone. The raw emotion that formed the essence of the Scorpio Saint was threatening his carefully composed walls. The worst problem was that Milo had no right to say any of this. Mu’s own eyes blazed as he met and held Milo’s gaze.

“You have no right to call me a coward. I will do what I want and what I feel is right.”

Milo looked strangely triumphant, even as he backed down. “We should be getting back. Aldebaran is coming looking for us, anyway.” He said quietly, glancing over his shoulder to where the Taurus Saint had just come around the corner. “But Mu,” He added, “If you’re planning on doing what you want, I suggest that you get on with it before something bad happens. It’s amazing how damn fast ‘too late’ can run up on your heels if you aren’t watching.”

He turned on his heel, walking past Aldebaran with only a slight nod of greeting, leaving Mu staring at his back, and Aldebaran looking at Mu curiously.

“Mu?” He asked gently. “The Goddess sent me to round you two up.”

“Is it urgent?” Mu asked, too tired to hide how little he wanted to return.

“I don’t think it’s terribly so. You should return soon, though.”

“I understand. I’ll be there in a few minutes. I promise.”

Aldebaran looked at him for a moment. “I will tell her.” He said, and hesitated for a moment. “Mu. I have no idea what Milo just said to you, and I’m sure it wasn’t tactful. However, I have a strange that he’s right, simply because of the look on your face.”

Mu snorted. “I think that he believes that he is.” Mu didn’t add that he hoped, desperately, that the Scorpio Saint was not correct.

Aldebaran shrugged, then reached out and laid a kindly hand on his shoulder. “Differences of opinion are allowed. But don’t get so hung up on your own beliefs that you forget to take the truth into account.”

“What if I don’t know the truth?”

“I find it’s often easiest to figure out the truth by simply giving into the situation.”

“Yes. And do you know how hard your Cloth was to repair?”

Aldebaran laughed. “I apologize for that.” He stopped again. “I guess I will not intrude on your thoughts any longer. You should know that the Goddess expects your return, though.”

“I understand.” Mu replied. Aldebaran looked at him for a moment longer, and then left, leaving Mu alone with his thoughts. His unpleasant, disturbing thoughts. He only knew one thing for certain: He was either utterly blind and a complete fool, or he and Shaka were the only sane ones around. He had no idea which was the actual truth.