To The End

Disclaimer: I don’t own Gravitation or any of its characters. Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami, I’m only borrowing them temporarily for entertainment purposes. I don’t make money off this. I just love the characters and enjoy writing.

A/N: Sorry again for the delay. Only one more chapter after this. The song title of this chapter actually was the inspiration of this story. Why I didn\'t call the story The Reason, I\'ll never know. Anyhow, just thought I\'d let you have some insight behind the story.

Reviews:

TricksterGoddess: Thank you. One more to go. I really need to think of a possible sequel. =D

Kerurie-dono: Now you don\'t have to wait. Here\'s the update for you. Yes, being sick is no fun.

--------------------------------------------------------------------



The Reason
Week 12
Day 81 of Eiri’s absence

Eiri sighed as he shut down his computer. He had been sitting there for over two hours, typing. He had spent the time writing three different versions for the ending of his novel, but somehow he wasn’t happy with any of them. His original plan for the couple had been that the hero would leave the heroin. He may have loved her, but he wasn’t willing to give up everything for her.

His second thought was more intriguing. Although the couple loved each other completely, the differences between them had been too great for them to be together in that lifetime. He knew it would be a great idea to work on the sequel. He could reveal at the end that the new characters had in fact been the hero and heroine from the previous book reincarnated and were finally able to find love.

Every time Eiri had written the ending, it just didn’t fit the two lovers. After writing the previous two conclusions, he felt that the only way he could finish this novel was for them to end up in each others arms. It was no secret that Eiri had never been fond of happy endings. Truth was, he had never believed in them and had only written one novel with a good outcome: just to prove to himself he could do it. Now, he was contemplating letting his newest characters share the wonders of a happy outcome.

Eiri sat back into the desk chair, removing his glasses and setting them on the desk next to his laptop. He rubbed his face, sliding his hands down his cheeks. His latest attempt at the ending had been a joyous one, for the couple. He had given up and let the characters take control.

There had been a problem with that ending, too. It was well written, but it was lacking something. It had been absent of passion. The conclusion of this novel was going to end up being the death of him. The sad ending didn’t feel right. The tortured love that wasn’t able to connect in the characters’ lifetime was bad and the happy ending was lacking deep emotion. What else was there?

Eiri growled to himself and snatched his pack of cigarettes from the desk, he expelled one of them and brought it to his lips to light. The taste of nicotine soothed him.

Eiri was certain his editor was going to start calling again, since as she had only just received his latest chapters last week and those had been late by over a week. He needed to somehow collect himself and keep focus. Too often, he found himself led astray with thoughts of a certain pink haired singer.

Yes, the brat was often the distraction that Eiri found himself fighting the most. Honestly, he found more often than not, that he didn’t really try fighting the distraction. As days and weeks went by since he had left home, Shuichi often infected his mind and Eiri found comfort in it. The beautiful pink haired boy could light up an entire stadium with his smile. That boy’s bubbly enthusiasm could be dangerously contagious. His laughter could lift even the most melancholy of souls. How Eiri missed those things.

Eiri shut his eyes, letting his mind drift to Shuichi. He could see the singer’s large, sparkling eyes filled with love and trust, his pink full lips that were always coated in some ridiculously sweet lip gloss and that pink hair. Such soft, sweet smelling locks that gracefully kissed his creamy white neck; Eiri felt himself shudder and his chest grew tighter with the though.

Before he left home, Eiri wouldn’t have admitted to himself that when the bouncy teen left- even for the day- the writer had missed him. Looking back now, Eiri could tell he had though. Now, he had been away from his Shuichi for almost three months and Eiri missed the singer like crazy. There was a space in his chest that was empty. The blond hadn’t noticed it at first, but after time, the hole had become bigger and more painful.

Eiri thought back to what Tatsuha had said about his feelings for Ryuichi. “I like who I am when I’m with him.” Eiri finally understood the statement in its entirety. Without Shuichi, Eiri was miserable. He could barely eat, sleep or even function without the teen in his thoughts. As inconvenient as it may have seemed at the time; running into Shuichi that night in the park couldn’t have come at a better time. Shuichi would call it something sappy like destiny or fate. Eiri thought it was more like luck.

Eiri smirked. Luck. Yes, that was it. Ironically, Eiri used to think Shuichi was exactly what the singer called his band. Bad Luck. How off the mark could he have been?

The writer stared forward. He searched his memories. Was it coincidence that for the previous New Year he had wished silently for freedom; freedom of his past, from his life and from everything? Yet, somehow that had all been given to him by the least likely person.

It hadn’t been an easy road. Eiri, himself had fought everything having to do with love. But, why? Eiri shook his head. He knew the answer to that question. He was still that scared sixteen year old boy in New York. Still, even that had changed over time. Shuichi accepted him before and after he knew of Eiri’s sordid past.

Tatsuha’s words again flowed through Eiri’s head. “Do you love Shuichi? Does he love you? How could he love you? Do you think it will last? What if it doesn’t? Will he betray you?”

The first question he pushed aside. Did Shuichi love him? Eiri sighed. The singer always spouted off the words that he loved the writer, but could such a young boy really know the meaning of true love? The writer heard his own voice as a memory.

A young Eiri had asked his mother what the meaning of loving someone was. It took her a few moments deep in thought but then she replied softly, “Well, it means you would do anything for that person, no matter what.” The blond could remember feeling so excited about the idea of finding someone who would love him as his mother had explained.

Eiri blinked. He had been seven years old back then. It was one of the few memories he had of his mother. If her definition was correct, then Eiri deducted Shuichi did indeed love him. Shuichi had done so many things that proved he would do anything for Eiri.

Why on earth would he love me, after all I’ve done, Eiri thought. To steal a line from one of his own lovesick novels, Eiri answered himself out loud, “Love is blind.” The blond nodded. That couldn’t be truer in Shuichi’s case.

The last of Tatsuha’s questioned rolled around in Eiri’s brain. “Will it last?” How could anyone know the answer to that? There are too many factors that could interfere. “What if it doesn’t? Would Shuichi betray you?” No, Shuichi was too loyal to betray him. It was another virtue that the teen had proven time and again.

“Will it last? What if it doesn’t?” Tatsuha’s voice echoed in Eiri’s head over and over. Was Eiri looking for a guarantee that it would last? It would be nonsense to believe that any guarantee could even exist. Eiri guessed that it would be a good excuse to use to avoid admitting how he felt. If Eiri could let go if of an unobtainable guarantee, then he would never have to let his emotions out to anyone.

The problem was that his emotions were already deeply embedded in the situation. Somehow the little brat that smiled all the time found a way to unwrap the cold steel from around Eiri’s heart and breathed heat into it. The singer had done it without Eiri even knowing it. The writer had lost his control. Maybe that was the reason he was scared. Eiri needed be in charge and Shuichi made him lose that.

Eiri punched out his long forgotten cigarette. Did he really mind the loss of being in control? More importantly, did he love Shuichi enough to lose the control on his feelings? Eiri blinked at his last thought.

“I… I just said I loved him,” he whispered in surprise. The writer felt his heart race with the sound of his own words. Somehow, he had inadvertently admitted to himself he had loved Shuichi. Could it be true?

Eiri felt himself tremble. What was this realization? It was like he was being freed from a cage after being locked away there for seven years. Again, it was his Shuichi that had freed him from his last captor; himself.

The writer bolted up from his chair; grabbing his cell phone, he dialed quickly. His hands trembled violently as the other end began to ring. “Come on… come on. Answer, damn it!”

After a few moments a voice answered the other line, but Eiri cut the speaker off.

“It’s Eiri. I need your help.”