On the Street of Dreams

Chapter summary: Shuichi lifted a face as white as a ghost and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Snapping his mouth closed, he turned his head away as his jaw started trembling and tears leaked down his face.

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More Keeps Coming Unglued


Tatsuha and Ryuichi were cuddling on the couch watching an old episode of Iron Chef when they heard the apartment door open. Glancing at each other in confusion, Ryu sat up, dropping his feet to the floor. Tatsuha’s arm fell from his shoulder. They heard movement in the hall followed by two muffled thuds. Tatsuha grabbed the remote from the coffee table and muted the television. Ryuichi stood up and walked to the living room door as he heard someone hurry past. A few moments later, a door somewhere in the apartment opened and then slammed shut. Pushing the living room door open, Ryuichi glanced out into the hall and spied Shuichi’s sneakers sitting by the front door

“Was that Shu?” Tatsuha asked, coming up behind his boyfriend. He grabbed the door and leaned out.

“Yeah.”

“What’s he doing home? I thought he was going to be staying at a friend’s house?”

“I don’t know. I hope he didn’t get sick,” Ryuichi commented in concern.

Tatsuha watched Ryuichi as the singer walked down the hall towards Shuichi’s bedroom, his brow creased in thought.

Ryuichi knocked on the door and called softly, “Shuichi?” He waited, but heard nothing from within. “Shuichi?” He tried the door but found the door locked. He pressed his ear to the door and thought he heard muffled sobs. Frowning, Ryuichi knocked harder and wiggled the doorknob. “Shuichi open this door. Shu?”

“Go away, Ryu,” Shuichi sobbed his voice thick with tears.

“Shu, what’s wrong? Why’re you home so early? What’s going on?”

“I just want to be left alone right now.”

“I can’t do that Shu,” Ryuichi told his brother through the door. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” the boy sniffed.

Ryuichi would believe in Santa Clause faster than he would believe his baby Shu-shu was all right. “Then why’re you crying?”

“Ryu,” Tatsuha said softly as he moved up behind him. “I think we should just leave him alone for now.”

Ryuichi frowned. “Tatsuha-“

“Have you ever,” Shuichi’s soft voice whispered through the door, “found out something about someone and wished you hadn’t?”

Ryuichi turned back towards his brother’s bedroom door. “Huh? Like what?”

In his bedroom, Shuichi sat huddled on the floor against his bedroom door. His arms were wrapped tightly around his legs. He rested his chin on his knees and did not bother to wipe away the tears that tickled down his cheeks. “Something…that scared you.”

Ryuichi did not like where this conversation was going. “What do you mean?”

Shuichi sniffed and rubbed his face against his jeans, trying to dispel the tears that continued to flow. “What if…you found someone you thought you could trust, someone you could love, someone you thought could possibly be, might actually be…the one,” he sobbed, his voice dropping. He blinked rapidly and tilted his head back in an attempt to keep fresh tears from falling. “What if,” he continued, “you thought you finally found someone who could love you for who you are, someone who wouldn’t judge you or hate you or look down at you because you are this…this freak,” Shuichi bit harshly.

“Shuichi,” Ryuichi said softly.

His jaw trembling, Shuichi burst into tears. “What if you were worried about telling this person something,” the pink haired singer continued, his sobs becoming hysterical, “because you were not sure how he would react! What if before you could gain the courage to tell him you’ve been lying to him all this time, he makes a comment! What if this comment shatters your entire world! What if…what if you realize that by coming clean with him, you may end up losing him?”

Ryuichi felt tears in his eyes. “Oh, Shuichi,” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly. He felt his heart breaking for his little brother.

Tatsuha laid a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Eiri, what have you done, he mentally asked.

Ryuichi said softly, covering Tatsuha’s hand with his own, “I think it’s best to be honest.”

Shuichi scrubbed his face with his hands. “But I can’t,” he sobbed, crying uncontrollably.

“Shu-”

Tatsuha squeezed Ryu’s shoulder. “I know you love him very much.”

Shuichi sat up with a startled gasp. Was Eiri right? Did Tatsuha know about them? His jaw trembling, he tried to blink away the tears blurring his vision, but failed miserably. “Yes,” Shuichi chocked, resting his head against the door.

“I can see it,” Tatsuha admitted. “I’ve never seen you as happy as you’ve been since you started seeing him.”

Shuichi sniffled and could not contain a giggle and a blush.

“I know you’ve tried to hide it, but I know you’ve been severely depressed until recently, probably thinking about committing suicide, right?”

Shuichi sat up with a gasp.

Ryuichi’s head snapped around. He stared at Tatsuha in shock. “What!?”

“You were hanging out with those no good punks, doing God knows what. You were heading straight for the danger zone, but virtually over night, you seemed to change! You started smiling and laughing! You glowed!” Tatsuha shook his head, smiling himself. “I know you love him and I know he loves you, too. And you want to honest with him, right?”

“Yes,” Shuichi sobbed.

Tatsuha nodded. “Then you have to tell him.”

“But I can’t! If I tell him I’m this…freak then-“

“Shuichi,” the monk shook his head.

“If after you tell him that you’re a neutral, he wants nothing more to do with you then he really wasn’t the one,” Ryuichi told his brother. “Besides, Shu, you’re young! You’re only sixteen! You have all the time in the world to fall in love and get married!”

“I can’t,” Shuichi sobbed. “I don’t want to lose him! I can’t! I can’t! I can’t!”

“Shuichi.”

Tatsuha took his lover’s hand and led the singer back into the living room as Shuichi sobbed quietly. Pulling him down onto the couch besides him, Tatsuha wrapped his arms around him, hugging them tightly to him. Kissing Ryu’s head, Tatsuha leaned his head against his boyfriends. “I think we should just leave him be for awhile.”

Ryuichi wrapped his arms around Tatsuha and hugged him tightly. Why was his baby brother always suffering? Why could the boy not have a normal life? He buried his face against Tatsuha’s chest and let himself cry. He felt so very helpless.

*

The next morning, Tatsuha was in the kitchen pouring water into the coffee maker when he heard a door open and the sound of pounding feet racing across the hall. A door slammed closed and moments later, the sound of retching echoed throughout the apartment. Tatsuha placed the coffee pot in the coffee maker. With a sigh, he leaned against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest, glanced at the closed kitchen door, deep in thought.

*

Shuichi stood on trembling legs and flushed the toilet. After washing his face and brushing his teeth, he stepped out into the hall and came face to face with his brother-in-law leaning against the opposite wall and gasped.

Tatsuha smirked. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. Are you alright?” he asked seriously.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Shuichi started walking around him to his bedroom, feeling the beginning of a headache. His stomach felt like it was on a wicked roller coaster ride. All he wanted to do was crawl back into bed and hide. He was not in the mood to face anyone right now.

“Two weeks,” Tatsuha said suddenly.

Shuichi blinked, pausing his stride. “What?”

Pushing away from the wall, Tatsuha repeated, “Two weeks. That’s how long you’ve been doing this.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do. Here,” Tatsuha said, pushing away from the wall.

Shuichi grabbed the small white plastic bag that Tatsuha produced from behind his back. “What is it?” Tatsuha said nothing as the singer peered into the bag and brought out a thin narrow box. Shuichi turned the box over and gasped. His eyes bulged out of his head. His head snapped up and he glared at the man in shock and disbelief. Then he started laughing. “Funny, Tatsuha.” He dropped the box into the bag and shoved it back into his chest, but Tatsuha shoved it right back. Shuichi blinked at him. “Tatsuha-?”

“Go.”

“What? You’re not serious!”

Tatsuha grabbed the boy’s shoulders, turned him around and marched him back into the bathroom. Pushing him inside, he stepped back out and shut the door, leaving a stunned boy staring back at him as if he had grown a second head. “Do it, Shuichi or I’ll tell Ryu,” he threatened through the door. He smirked when he heard the boy growl. “Hey, don’t blame me. I didn’t do anything. You’re the one who did the crime; now see if you have to do some time. You’d better hurry up before Ryu gets back from the bakery.” He snickered as heard Shuichi mumbling angrily under his breath. He went back into the kitchen.

*

“Today at four?” Tatsuha marked appointment on the dry erase board next to the phone. He lifted his eyes when he heard a board creak and saw Shuichi standing in the kitchen doorway. His eyes were down cast and he was holding the application stick in his shaking hands. “Alright. Thank you. Goodbye.” Hanging up the phone, Tatsuha turned towards the singer. “So?”

Shuichi lifted a face as white as a ghost and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Snapping his mouth closed, he turned his head away as his jaw started trembling and tears leaked down his face.

Tatsuha had a bad feeling. Grabbing the white stick out of the boy’s hands, he checked the results for himself. Gasping, his eyes widened in shock. He stared up at the boy.

Just then, they heard the front door rattle. “I’m home,” Ryu cried as he stepped into the house.

It was all too much for Shuichi. With a sob, he buried his face in his hands and dropped to his knees, crying.

Ryuichi shut the door, set the bakery box on the floor and stepped out of his shoes. He looked down the hall towards the kitchen and when he saw his brother, a deep frown crossed his face. “Shuichi,” he called worried. “What’s wrong?” Straightening, he carried the bakery box into the kitchen, catching Tatsuha’s eye, but the monk kept his face carefully blank. He set the box on the table and crouched besides his brother. “Shu?”

Tatsuha held out his hand.

Catching sight of something in his boyfriend’s hand out of the corner of his eye, Ryuichi turned his head and frowned at the thing. Taking it, he glanced up at the monk. “What’s this?” He stood up and studied it. His eyes got huge. “This’s…” His head snapped towards Tatsuha, who was making sure to keep his face as blank and empty of his thoughts as possible. Ryuichi turned towards Shuichi, who was still on the floor crying. “Tell me this is a sick joke!”

Shuichi wished it were. Unfortunately, it was all too true.

“Goddamn it, Shuichi,” he yelled angrily. Running his fingers through his hair, he paced the kitchen. He looked down at the stick again. Spinning around, he threw the stick on the floor before his brother. “You’re only sixteen! Sixteen!”

Tatsuha stepped forward to try to calm his lover down, but Ryu wanted none of it.

“You barely passed middle school! You never went to high school! You were just signed to NG! And now this? What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re just a child! How the hell are you supposed to support a child, especially if Bad Luck doesn’t do as well as we all thought? Jesus Christ! How stupid can you be?”

Each word his brother said was another stab in Shuichi’s heart. He knew how careless he had been, how stupid and thoughtless. He knew it had been foolish to think something like this would not happen to him just because he was only sixteen. He knew it, but having his brother say it aloud made it all the more horrible. Ryuichi’s harsh words made him feel like a total loser and ingrate. All he wanted was to crawl into a hole and die.

“Ryu,” Tatsuha said softly, laying a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

Ryuichi shook his hand off. “Tell me you at least know who the father is,” the irate singer demanded.

That was the hardest and most upsetting thing about finding out he was going to have a baby. Because now he had to tell Eiri that the boy he fell in love with was the one thing he hated in this entire world. There was no chance Eiri would understand or forgive him for deceiving him. And what was he supposed to tell him? You have a one in three chance of being the father? Goddammit! That made him sound like he was a fucking slut! Eiri would never forgive him. Never.

Shuichi sobbed louder.

Even if the child was Eiri’s, there was no guarantee that he would stick around, or even accept responsibility. He certainly did not want Eiri to stick around out of a sense of obligation either. That would hurt worse than being rejected by the father of his child.

Then there was the possibility that if it got out, Eiri could get arrested and go to jail for three years for having sexual relations with a minor. That was the last thing he wanted.

Shuichi’s heart and head hurt. He had no idea what he was supposed to do.

Jumping to his feet, he fled the kitchen to his bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. Flinging himself onto his bed, he buried his face in his pillows and sobbed himself to sleep, his heart and his world shattering around him.

*

A couple of hours later, Shuichi woke to the sound of raised angry voices. Groggily, the singer rubbed his eyes and yawned. Blinking, he glanced blurrily at the alarm clock. He cursed and threw back the covers when he saw that it already past noon.

Tossing on the first things he saw, Shuichi ran a comb quickly through his hair and grabbed his bag off the floor. Shouldering it, he flung open his door and rushed towards the front door. The yelling grew louder but he could not make out what was being said. He was not too concerned, though. Tatsuha and Ryuichi argued all the time and besides, it made it easier for him to sneak out without being seen. The last thing he wanted was to be confronted by Ryuichi again. He needed time to think.

He halted when he heard his name. Silently, he crept back towards his brother and Tatsuha’s room and pressed his ear to the door.

“I had my suspicions,” Tatsuha was saying calmly.

“And you never said anything,” Ryuichi snapped angrily.

“It wasn’t my place.”

Ryuichi laughed, but it was not because he was happy. “Not your place? Bullshit!” There was silence and then, “You should have said something!”

“And that would have changed matters how,” Tatsuha snapped.

“My sixteen year old brother would not be pregnant right now!”

“You don’t know that.”

“What? Of course I do!”

“Did you forget what he told us a week ago?”

Shuichi did not want to hear any more. Sniffling, he wiped away tears he had known he had shed and after sliding into his sneakers, left the apartment, shutting the door quietly behind him.

***