Fallen Neko

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I’m not sure where the last review came in for the latest chapter so I’ll start here and I’m sorry if I missed you!

Nanami-chan-lol you just wanna see ‘um boink until there is no tomorrow,

Jassy- Just breathe at some point please I can’t have a reader dropping dead or anything it’d make me sad

Ky0kichi- thanks! *hive five back*

Paradiseboy-Yes I left them out on purpose cause I have enough drama with the characters I have now. If I added any I don’t know if the story would ever end lol.

inuficcrzy- thank you very much. *blushes slightly*

so sad- I’ve know them and have been one of them. But that’s the point, they all leave but Haru so that he makes the biggest impact on Kyo’s life. For a couple chapters in the beginning I was going to kill Kyo after he jumped because of the reason but I know far to many people who would have killed me in my sleep if I had. And no they can’t understand his pain cause they were never the cat. The rejected sign. It goes hand in hand really. But I do hope you keep reading and reviewing cause really that’s my fav. part is seeing what people have to say. So thank you for leaving a review.

*written while listening to “I bruise easily by: Natasha Bedingfield*
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Haru thought quietly to himself as he wondered back to his home in search of Hatori and for once in his backwards life he didn’t get lost. Confused he blinked up at the large wooden doors that greeted him. Still very confused he pushed the doors open and walked through before closing them again. Sighing he walked down the cobble stone path watching the dull grey stones pass under his feet. Easing around a corner he walking up a small set of stairs into a door and made a sharp left. Haru looked around him and blinked again. If was as if he was dreaming this. He never made it to any place in one trip unless someone else was walking with him. Looking down at his feet he realized they were the culprits they were functioning without his command which in turn left him confused again. Deciding it was to much thought he dropped it and stopped at Hatori’s door. Heaving a large sigh he raised his hand and knocked sharply on Hatori’s door. Listening to some scuffling and a soft laugh he raised and eyebrow and slid the door open to see Hatori half dressed and Shigure in a towel laughing at him with an immeasurable amount of love in his eyes.

“Ahh Haru.” Was wall Hatori could get out before looking almost frantically at Shigure.

“Ha-san.” Haru said softly and closed the door. “Why are my memories gone?” There wasn’t anger in his voice only curiosity as he stood there leaning against the now closed doors looking down at his feet again. “I don’t understand how memories are gone.” He continued not looking up but hearing the soft plopping noise of Hatori’s shirt hitting the wooden floor.

“Haru.” He started and then stopped as if something cut off his voice.

“All I know is that Kyo told me to come find you , that you would tell me what I’m missing.”

Shigure looked at Hatori who stood stunned by Haru. “It’s complicated.” he answered when he could finally get his vocal cords working.

Shigure mean while pulled on his robe and secure the belt loosely

“Just tell me please.” Haru said before looking up. “All I know is that Kyo’s hurt and his hurt has something to do with my memories being gone. I said I’d give him a chance, he said he didn’t deserve one, that he was afraid he’s mess up all over again cause he doesn’t know how to have a relationship.” He looked at Shigure who was now looking at him with sympathy. Before he turned his eyes down again to his toes. “But he seemed so small sitting there like he was the worst thing of the face of the planet , and I didn’t like it. He screamed he hurt me, and when he screamed.” Haru paused and rubbed his chest right over his heart. “It hurt again, here in this spot but when he whispered I thought.” He paused again before looking up. “I thought I’d die.”

Hatori looked at the youth and felt a piece of his heart twist in a familiar ache that had nothing to do with Haru and everything to do with a beautiful girl he once loved just like that. When she smiled his world was bright and nothing felt as if it could go wrong but when she cried, when her eyes became wide and tears filled them before spilling over her eyelashes, down her flushed cheeks to drop off her chin with a soft splash as it hit her clenched hands. He thought his heart would stop and the world would shatter and nothing would ever be bright or wonderful again. The thought and feeling proved to be right when she left him in a dark world of self-hatred and despair.

He looked down at Shigure who was looking at him worried before looking at Haru who was still looking at his toes. “What do you want me to do?” He asked softly and clenched his hands into white knuckled fists.

“I want them back.” Haru said, slowly looking up at Hatori. “I want the memories and feeling’s back.”

Hatori looked away hiding his face behind his bangs as he had grown used to when uncomfortable subjects’ were brought up. “I can’t.” He said keeping his face hidden only to hide his anguish of not being able to give Haru something he wanted. “I can’t give them back.” he paused. “I can only take them away.” They heard his voice quake and a diamond tear fell from behind his bangs. “I’m like a dark monster in the night that takes you precious things away. I’m the boogieman, I take your joy and happiness away to replace it with sorrow or emptiness.” he whispered and stopped.

“Kyo said you could bring them back though.” Haru said taking a small step away from the door.

Hatori withdrew into the room further stepping slightly onto his dropped shirt. “Kyo was wrong. I can’t give them back.” He whispered and kept his face hidden.

“Isn’t there something you can do?” Haru asked in a soft voice. “Anything at all?”

Hatori stood his head down and silent only the shaking of his body betraying that he was human and not a statue he so wanted to impersonate. Finally gathering some courage he looked up at Haru and shook his head. “I’m afraid not.” His voice was soft. “All I can do is take these memories from you but, if you saw Kyo again you’d get the same unknown feelings again and again.” He paused. “Why do you think I stay far away from her and not even let her see me?” He questioned and dropped his head down. “I’m sorry.”

“Can I get the memories back at all?” Haru asked searching. “Is there anyway to remember?”

Hatori shook his head saying nothing. He simply watched Haru’s face wondering what emotion would come out of the boy next. Haru looked down and then back up at Hatori. “But I want to remember.” He said equally as soft. “I want to know why it hurts, why Kyo looked so small sitting there, why he felt like he had nothing so he jumped off a cliff trying to feel better.” Haru said and took another step towards Hatori.

“Haru.” Shigure said and stood from the floor in his loosely tied robe. He looked at Shigure and waited for him to continue. “Haru, the reasons for that are simple. It hurts because you love him, He looked small cause he was never a child and when he’s scared or hurt you see it more then any other time, And he jumped off a cliff for the exact reason that you said only it was mostly he felt like he had nothing to live for. There was no reason that he could think of to stay.” Shigure explained all this in a manner a mother would explain to a child why their father isn’t going to be coming home anymore. That he was happy in heaven with patches who had gotten run over by a car. And that neither of them felt any pain anymore.

The love and compassion in his voice nearly drove Haru to tears along with the gentle hand that was placed at his lower back. “But.” He started only to have Shigure shake his head and make a shushing noise.

“He can’t give you answered and I can’t either. You have to understand, Hatori was only trying to help you.” Shigure answered his eyes landing on Hatori. “He didn’t want you to feel and understand the pain that still eats away at him on the inside, because of a lost love.”

Haru looked at the silent man in the room with him and felt a great swell of pity for him. “I’m not angry at him.” Haru said turning his eyes to look up at Shigure’s soft ones. “I just want an answer or two.” He continued as he looked at Shigure. “I want to know why I forgot him.”

There was a silent moment before Shigure took a breath and from across the room Hatori said “Because he broke your heart.”

Haru looked at Hatori. “I know but why?”

“Because in that situation I can give memories back. If I take them myself with my hands.” He said lifting them and looking down at them. “I can’t give them back but, if there is an accident I can give them back for safety sake.” He looked up and there was an slow death that seemed to be creeping over Hatori’s eyes. “you remember who and what you are, you simply don’t remember him.” his voice started to take the edge along with his eyes. “Kyo didn’t remember therefore I had to remind him. It was the fall that took his memories away not me. I took your memories away and I can’t give them back.” He said and gazed at Haru like he was completely dead on the inside.

Haru took a step back and Hatori simply watched him. “Why can’t you give memories back.”

“Because I take them for a certain reason.” Hatori answered and turned towards him. “I took kana’s memories away cause she was dying in front of me. I took yours away because you were becoming like me. The tears and the pain were fresh and new.” He explained. “I could spare you from this.” He said and put his hand over his chest.

“Ha-san.” Shigure said softly.

Hatori looked down. “It’s empty in here.” He patted his chest. “It’s broken. I am exactly like Yuki said. “I’m as cold as snow.” He whispered. “I only wanted to save you.” Hatori said and dropped his hands. “Only wanted you to be happy.”

Haru watched the man in front of him and felt the pity swell in his heart again. “I’m not angry at you. I understand that Ha -san.” He watched as dead gold eyes looked at him. Thinking sadly to himself as he watched him “How can the world be so cruel to one man.”

Shigure moved away from Haru to stand behind Hatori and wrap his arms tightly around him. “I’m here.” Shigure whispered in a gently voice again it was almost like the soft cooing your mother would make when you were sick and crying. “I’ll protect you , you don’t have to worry.” He rubbed his hands softly over Hatori’s stomach trying to calm him and warm him from the outside in. “All the pain in this family isn’t yours to bare Hatori.” Shigure continued in a sweet coo.

Haru watched the scene in front of him with a small question in the back of his mind but soon forgot it in lull of watching Shigure sooth someone who had never seemed hurt before in his eyes. Hatori simply sagged into Shigure’s arms waiting and watching to see if he would catch him if he fell and Shigure didn’t let him down. He only wrapped his arms more tightly around Hatori’s chest to keep him up right.

He stepped back and watched as Shigure turned Hatori to him resting his chin on his head while he rubbed his side and Hatori wrapped his arms around Shigure’s chest and tried to hide himself. Shigure looked up at Haru and watched him. Haru nodded his head before turning and slipping out of the room. Quietly he walked down the hall not noticing anything else around him until he ran into something solid.

Blinking up from the hard wooden floor he found himself looking at Ayame. Ayame was looking rather dazed and confused but other wise ok. Haru took in what he was wearing because it wasn’t his normal red outfit it was a suite and his hair was pulled up and away from his face. Small wisps of hair curled down and around to gently caress his face. He reached out a hand and offered it to Haru who took it great fully and stood. “Why are you wearing a suite?” Haru asked.

“Had to go get a license to have the store.” Ayame said with a flourish and a smile.

Haru nodded and went to step around Ayame but stopped at the last second and grabbed his arm.
“Aya-san.” he paused.

“Yes?” He turned and looked at Haru.

“I’m sure Yuki would kill me for telling you but.” He paused and pulled on his arm. “Follow me.”

Ayame confused and worried about his younger brother followed after Haru wondering what he had to say about him. “Tell me what?”

“When he was little Akito.” Haru paused and turned to look Ayame in the eyes. “Beat and molested him. That’s why he reached out to you when he was little.”

Ayame’s eyes widened and he stepped back. “That’s.” He stopped his own voice and thought around it. That would have explained why he was never able to see him and soon he felt an indifference towards him. It was planned.

Haru watched as the horror of what happened to his brother sank in. “He wanted your help but, was to afraid to ask.” Haru answered. “But when he couldn’t take it “Haru trailed off.

“Oh my god.” Ayame whispered.

“After you got Akito’s attention more.” Haru said. “I'm not sure why but Yuki was great full.”


“But.” Ayame said softly and looked down. “I never knew. If I had.” He started but then stopped and looked at the stone path.

“Maybe you should tell him just that.” Haru said softly. “He doesn’t hate you, he just doesn’t understand you.” Haru said but was talking to air as Ayame had run towards Shigure’s house.

Smiling slightly he turned and walked to other direction towards the hospital where Kyo was.

Ayame ran as fast as his legs could carry him towards Shigure’s house. Tears gathered in his eyes over and over again only to be pulled harshly from his face by the wind that whipped past him. The small tears floated in the air for a moment before falling to the hard ground. “Why didn’t I know?” He thought over and over as he feet pounded against the pavement. Panting he turned and slid down the hill getting his black suite covered in dirt before running up the porch toeing off his shoes quickly and opening up the door and running in. You heard Ayame’s socked feet against the hard wood floor. Yuki came down the stairs after hearing the door slam open.

Seeing his brother he stopped. Ayame turned and saw Yuki standing on the stairs looking confused. One socked foot on the step behind him.

“Yuki.” He whispered and swallowed hard trying to get his heart to stop beating so widely in his chest. I was starting to give him a cramp in it. Walking over to him he stepped onto the bottom step.

Yuki stepped onto the step behind him. “Ayame.” He said back and watched him.

Ayame’s eyes covered in tears as he looked at him and then he took a step back. “I’m sorry.” He whispered and looked down before turning to leave.

Really he should have known that Yuki would never let him near him. In honesty he couldn’t expect him to and wouldn’t. He hadn’t been there when he needed him so why would he want him to be here now, when he was finally happy and living as normal life as he could. He didn’t need him. He paused and looked back at Yuki a tear slowly rolled down his face. “I never knew.” He whispered before turning to walk away further only pausing to slide his feet into his shoes.

The tongue of his shoe slide down into his shoe so he reached down, with shaking hands and he pulled at the laces only to curse softly when he stopped being able to see them. Feeling his way around his laces he untied them before putting his foot in his shoes and ting them again. Standing he turned and headed for the door opening it silently and slipping out acting as quietly as his sign allowed him to.

Yuki stood stunned on the step watching his older brother shake and cry loosing all of his grace and effervescent personality. His personality became quiet and sluggish as if something was going to snap in him at any moment. Something was that just tethered so slightly that if any weight was put on it, any slight pressure would cause it to break and nothing would ever make it right. Stepping off the steps and sliding the door open he grabbed the cold long fingered hand.

Ayame curled his fingers around Yuki’s smaller ones and squeezed it slightly before letting go. He turned and smiled weakly. “Haven’t you learned you shouldn’t run after me.” he tried with a flourish that failed greatly. “I always let you down.” His face fell and the smile that was just barely staying on his face faded.

“Why are you here?” Yuki asked and watched Ayame.

“I’m sorry. If I had known. If I knew what had been going on.” Ayame kept trying.

Yuki looked confused. “What are you talking about?” he asked and crossed his arms over his chest.


Ayame got closer to Yuki and raised his hand to touch his cheek. “Haru told me.” He whispered and dropped his hand. “I never knew that’s what happened. No one told me.” Ayame answered. “I was separated from you on purpose.” continued.


Yuki’s eyes went wide. “No.” He took a step back.

“Yes.” Ayame said back. “Yuki you have to believe me I didn’t know, I wasn’t suppose to.”

Yuki looked at him and watched his eyes. “You really didn’t know.” He said more then asked.

Ayame shook his head causing his hair to fall around his face more. “They only told me I had a younger brother. Akito kept telling me you were sick when I asked if you lived around here randomly. When Haru was telling me I figured it out. He wanted to keep me from you so that I never emotionally bonded with you. It worked I never knew you so I didn’t hate or love you. You were like a stranger.” Ayame said and touched his face.

“But why would he?” Yuki asked and looked at his brother.

And for once instead of a joy and brightness in his eyes there was a deep caring. “But when I saw you later when you had gotten older I didn’t know how to react to you. I can only be myself and that drives you away.”


Yuki gazed at his brother. “I don’t understand you.” he sighed. “I didn’t understand why you pulled away. I assume it was because you didn’t love me, that you hated me.” Yuki paused. “I guess I was half right.”

Ayame couldn’t say anything. “I wish I could tell you different.” Ayame hung his head.

Another piece of hair slipped from his tie and swayed in the soft breeze. Yuki reached up and pushed it back behind his ear. “You saved me though.” He whispered. “Even though you never knew, when you talked to him or when you were in the room he’d stop.”

Ayame looked up. His eyes wide and hopeful. “I never hated you.” Yuki continued.

“You just didn’t understand.” Ayame whispered only to have Yuki nod at him. “I’m sorry that I can’t make it better.”

Yuki smirked a little and stepped closer to his brother grabbing his coat with a shaking fists. “Are you going to pull away from me now?”

Ayame reached up and ran his hand over his hair. “No.”

Yuki looked up and then leaned into his brothers hug. “I had always wanted this.” He rested his head against his shoulder and rested his hand on his chest over his heart.

“Really?” He asked softly.

“Yes.” Yuki nodded and sighed closing his eyes.

Ayame smiled and wrapped his arms around his younger brother and held him tightly. “I can do this.” He whispered.

Yuki smiled and leaned against him. “I want you to.” Yuki answered back softly before leaning back and standing on his toes to kiss Ayame’s cheek.


Ayame leaned into the kiss and then rubbed his back. “I want to do this.” Ayame said and laid his head on Yuki’s shoulder.

“I already forgave you.” Yuki whispered softly. “Years ago.”

Ayame curled around him more and covers the tears on his face with Yuki’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t have.”

“It’s no use being angry at you, specially now that I know you didn’t know.” Yuki sighed. “I didn’t know that.”

Ayame stayed quiet and listened to his younger brother talking.

“What’s with the clothes.” Yuki said pushing him back.

“I had to get a license for the shop today.” Ayame said and looked down at the clothes. “I feel stupid in them.”

“You look nice but, I still like red on you better.” Yuki said off-handedly.

“Why?’ He asked looking up through his hair.

Yuki pushed it out of the way and smiled. “Cause it looks better on you.”

Ayame smiled and crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you want to come back to the shop with me and talk maybe?” He asked and it sounded almost a little shy.

“Sure.” Yuki said and turned to walk with his brother before slipping his hand into Ayame’s.

Ayame smiled at Yuki brightly and swung their hands a little. Yuki laughed behind his hand and they held their first conversation ever as they walked down the small dirt path towards Ayame’s interesting store. And for once Yuki smiled at his brother and Ayame basked in the glow of it. Ayame was never happier in his life then in the moment of time with his brother.

Meanwhile Haru walked down the hall and knocked on the door before opening it completely seeing Kyo sitting in the bed still his eyes closed.

“Yes Haru?” Kyo asked lifting his head.

“He said he couldn’t give me back my memories.” Haru said and sat on the bed. “I watched him Kyo, I watched as he fell apart.” He said in a whispered voice that was almost lost.

“Hatori?” Kyo questioned and reached out and touched Haru.

“Yes.” Haru nodded. “He started talking about how he was a monster.” Haru answered and held Kyo’s hands.

“I’m the monster.” Kyo whispered and hung his head in shame. “Not him.” He shook his head and pulled his hands away to play with the beads. “No one’s a bigger monster then me.” he stroked the beads harder.
“Your not a monster.” Haru said.

Kyo pulled back. “I am Haru.” His voice broke under the pressure of the feelings.

“Why?” Haru asked and pulled his hand away from the white and black colored beads that where bound around his wrist. “Why are you a monster?”

“Because I am.” Kyo answered in the same despair. “I turn into a monster when I take these off. These beads keep me locked into this form.”

Haru sighed and looked at them. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Kyo nodded. “It hurts so bad when it happens.” he used his arms to pull his legs up and hold them to his chest. “It’s like my skin is ripping apart and it hurts so badly I want to scream as loud as my lungs can go. I can feel my bones breaking and going back together and it feels all wrong. It feels like I'm disjointed and then everything they say about me the rumors and the whispers.” He brought his hands up to his ears. “They’re all true in the horrible moment, they’re all true.” He shook his head. “Everything they say about me all the curses they fling at me all the anger and hatred it’s all true.” Kyo’s useless eyes dropped tears onto the ugly blue hospital blanket to seep into it and darken it.

Haru watched as Kyo cried and it was the quietest he had ever heard. He’d heard others cry loud and take big breaths, others hiccupped but Kyo’s was so very quiet. “What did they do to you?’ He asked as he pulled his close after wiping of his face.

“Nothing more then what I deserve.” Kyo murmured into his shoulder.

“You don’t deserve this.” Haru’s voice was firm.

“My mother said she loved me, I must have been such a burden. I’m the reason she’s dead. Everyday was the same she’d check to see if I was wearing my bracelet, I’d ask if I could go play and she’d say no. No one loved me more then her.” He mumbled incoherently.

It was as if he was rambling to get things out. It didn’t have to make sense all it had to do was slip between his lips. Sitting there and listening to the word that tumbled out of his mouth was all Haru could do.

“They’ll throw me away again. They’ll make me disappear, just like all the other neko’s. They’ll beat me till I cry, they’ll hurt me more then I can take and laugh. They like to hurt the neko. They like to watch the monster cry. It makes them happy.” He sobbed quietly against Haru. “I can’t let you get close. They’ll hurt you too but I'm so lonely.”

Haru sucked in a sharp breath at the last statement as it rang true in his heart as well.

“I’m so lonely.” Kyo whispered again and shook his head against Haru's shoulder.