Unchained Memories *complete*

Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: bad language.
Summary: The last days of Nittle Grasper after the New York incident with Kitazawa; Ryuichi’s dark past that changed him forever and the introduction of Kumagoro into his life; and the bonds that tie Tohma and Jim Harris together. (Side story to ‘The Key to My Heart’)
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, apart from Jim Harris, Kerryn Middleton and Brian Turner; the rest belong to the creator of ‘Gravitation’.

-oOo-

Unchained Memories: Chapter 13


Click. Click. Click.

Tohma glanced over at the man leaning on the other side of the window, the only illumination in the room from the dim lighting that came through the glass and filmy curtain from the street lights outside.

“You could go into the kitchen and smoke,” he said quietly, thinking that was the cause for the constant fidgeting.

“Nah, it’s fine,” Jim answered absently, bending to peer through the telescopic binoculars set up.

Click. Click. Click.

Tohma sighed, loudly enough to catch Jim’s attention.

“What’s up?” Jim asked, sounding surprised.

“Jim, you haven’t had a cigarette all day that I have seen so if you feel the desire to smoke, please just go and have one.”

“I said it was okay,” Jim replied, sounding peeved. “What’s your problem?”

“That constant clicking for one,” Tohma answered a little sharply.

“Huh?”

Tohma rolled his eyes, knowing that Jim wouldn’t be able to see it and tried to keep his irritation under control although after nearly eighteen hours of this close confinement even his normally calm temperament was beginning to fray.

“You have been doing nothing all day except continuously open and then close your cigarette lighter. It has become a most annoying habit.”

“Oh,” Jim looked down at the lighter in question in his hand. “Oh.” He pushed it into his pocket out of sight. “Sorry.”

“Is that really going to solve the problem?” Tohma asked.

“What do you mean?” Jim looked over at him again.

“Well, you are obviously wanting to have a cigarette so why don’t you just have one. Then you would be less likely to feel on edge.”

Jim shook his head. “No. I’m trying to quit.”

“Since when?” Tohma asked in surprise. From the time they had first met Jim had always smoked. He wasn’t exactly a chain smoker but he did smoke fairly regularly.

“I promised Kerryn that if we had kids I’d give it up.”

“But you don’t have any children yet?”

“No, but if we do I would rather not be trying to go through the withdrawal right at the same time. It’s better if I’m already over it before they come along.” He turned and flashed a smile towards Tohma. “I think kids are going to be stressful enough without quitting smoking at the same time!”

“That’s probably a wise choice,” Tohma acknowledged, thinking of how difficult it had been for Mika to take over the raising of her younger brothers.

“Let’s grab a quick break,” Jim suddenly said, turning and making his way towards the darkened kitchen.

Tohma followed and closed the door securely behind them. It had been carefully modified so that when closed rubber strips sealed the entire edges between door and frame so when Jim clicked on the tiny single globe not a sliver of light could leak to the outer room to reveal their presence.

Tohma immediately filled the kettle and turned it on, rinsing their two cups and drawing the milk out of the fridge.

“So do you think we’ll find this man tonight?” he asked, spooning coffee into the cups, and some sugar for Jim.

“I hope so,” Jim answered.

He sounded tired which didn’t surprise Tohma. His friend had been playing a stressful and extremely dangerous game over the past couple of days, enough to fray anyone’s nerves. That was why it had surprised Tohma so much to realize that Jim hadn’t been smoking. The pressures over the past forty-eight hours had been enough to almost make him wish he had the same habit. Anything to take away the stress.


After retreating to Tohma’s apartment, Jim hadn’t been exaggerating. They had stayed up that entire night, reading through every page Jim had brought with him, comparing notes, discussing possibilities. Tohma had watched in amazement as Jim stuck blank sheets of paper to one of his walls, almost plastering an area approximately six foot high and almost as wide across which he then proceeded to draw up charts on, each symbol containing a piece of information; a name, a date, a location, then arrows and lines of different types such a solid, broken or wavy ones, joining these all together and each having a different meaning. Tohma could only look on with wonderment as Jim seemed to effortlessly create a picture from these seemingly unimportant and unrelated facts, bringing them together so the puzzle slowly became clearer. Tohma was definitely gaining a far greater appreciation of just what it took to carry out Jim’s job.

By the middle of the next morning Jim seemed reasonably satisfied, looking tiredly down at the list in his hand of names and places he had decided where their best options. Tohma was just glad to note that Jim seemed more focused and stable once again, and certainly thinking more clearly.

“This gives a good starting point,” he explained to Tohma. “If we can get any of these people to talk we might just start getting closer to what we need.”

“Will they talk to you?” Tohma had asked, rubbing at his itching eyes. “You said that they would be very scared of retribution if they did.”

Jim looked at him with a nasty smile. “You’ve just got to make them more scared of you, than what they think might happen to them later on.”

Tohma wasn’t sure he liked the way Jim said that but he was too tired to try and continue to argue the point at this stage.

Suddenly Jim’s phone rang, vibrating on the table top. They both just sat there and watched as it rang again, and then continued. Jim reached out and picked it up, answering “Yes?”

That harsh look crossed his face and Tohma knew it was Kerryn’s captor again.

“I’m doing it,” Jim answered shortly. “You’ll hear something by the end of today as proof.” There was obviously some further words spoken to him and then he hung up without saying anything further.

“And?” Tohma queried quietly.

“They wanted to know where I was,” Jim said, looking down at the phone.

“Does that mean there is someone at your station working for them?” Tohma asked worriedly.

Jim shook his head. “Not necessarily. It could just mean that they’ve got someone watching the station and would see that I haven’t gone in yet. They probably know my car as well.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“I could call in sick,” Jim said, running a hand through his hair. “There’s nothing pressing for me to do for anything else and I’ve got plenty of sick leave owing. But if I don’t go in it may look like I’m trying to renege on the deal. Or be trying to counter them.”

“Which you are,” Tohma reminded him.

“Yeah,” Jim said with a strained smile. “But I don’t want them to think that. So I think I will go in, put in an appearance, make certain those couple of calls have got things moving and keep the bastards guessing.”

“What did you mean when you said they would know by the end of today?” Tohma wanted to know.

“Just that the lawyer for the perps would have to be called by the end of the day for the requested stay in proceedings, pending some further enquiry by the prosecutors. It’s the only thing I could do on such short notice that would produce some results. They’ve got enough lawyers in their pockets to know that it’s about the only thing I could do so quickly without screwing everything up. If I do anything to mess up this case too obviously and too quickly the courts will just still hold the perps and try and go ahead with the trial on the grounds that they are trying to subvert the course of justice. They need it to be definitive enough that the case can’t proceed, and quietly enough that their own people can’t still be caught in any backlash.”

“So you think they’ll be satisfied with that?”

“For the time being, probably. That should hold them for at least two days. After that...” Jim shook his head. “After that, all bets are off and I had better have come up with a damn good plan at that stage.”

Jim picked up his jacket which had been dropped on the floor at some point during the night. He gave it a good shake and then looked down at his crumpled clothes, running a hand over his stubble, grimacing.

“Why don’t you have a shower and freshen up before you go in?” Tohma offered.

“Thanks, but no,” Jim ran another hand over his roughened chin. “If they do have someone watching the station my turning up looking like this might just keep their suspicions down.”

“I don’t follow you,” Tohma said, frowning.

“After kidnapping Kerryn they would expect me to look like shit,” Jim explained, shrugging into his jacket. “They probably know I haven’t stayed at the apartment and they ruined all my clothes there so I wouldn’t have anything to change into. Looking like this gives the impression that I might have been driving around town all night, and most likely slept in the car. If they think that I’m desperate and homeless, they’ll think I’m more malleable to their demands.”

“That’s all well and good to fool them,” Tohma agreed. “But aren’t your colleagues going to wonder about your current state and won’t that arouse their worries?”

“Don’t stress,” Jim said, making his way to the door. “I’ve got a change of clothes in my locker so I’ll shower and change as soon as I get in before pretty much anyone there sees me.” He opened the door and stepped out. “Oh, and I’ll check into a hotel after work so if they are tailing me I don’t lead them back here. I’ll call you from there.”

“Okay, be careful.”

“Thanks. If anything strange happens around you, call me immediately.” He fixed Tohma with a hard stare. “I mean it, Tohma,” he stressed. “The slightest thing that seems out of place or odd in any way let me know. It might mean that you’re compromised as well and I don’t need anyone else being made a target.”

“I promise,” Tohma agreed.

“Good. Talk to you later.”

Tohma watched until Jim had disappeared from view down the stairs before closing the door. His eyes wandered back to the lines and symbols intertwined on the paper stuck on the wall. Oh, what a tangled web we weave, he mused absently, his eyes trying to follow each path way and frequently being drawn from the original line. Now I understand when they talk about a tangled skein.

He turned from the wall diagram and carefully gathered up all the papers strewn across the coffee table, couch and floor, stacking them together, bagging them and securely tying them with string before placing them inside the coat cupboard out of sight.

Now he was going to have a decent coffee and finally go to bed.


The whistle of the kettle quickly brought him back to the present and he filled the cups, stirring them vigorously.

“Here you go,” he said, handing one over to Jim.

Jim immediately took a deep swallow finishing with a sigh. “That’s good,” he murmured. “Hopefully it’ll keep me awake for a while longer.”

“How much longer do you think we are going to have to wait?” Tohma asked.

Jim shook his head. “No idea,” he answered honestly. “I’m hoping we’ll get lucky as all things points to this guy knowing something. He’s one of their main ‘gophers’. Does anything they want and knows just about everything about them in some way.”

“He sounds like a dangerous man to leave loose if they are so concerned with secrecy.” Tohma stated.

“Nah, he’s completely gutless. That’s why they know they can control him. As long as he gets paid he’d sell his soul, and his mother’s, to the devil, plus take out collateral on it. He’s a weasel through and through. But if something’s gone down he’s the most likely one to know about it and what he knows should lead us right to where we want to be.”

Tohma blew on his coffee, cooling it a little before taking a sip. “So it might all be over soon.”

“Hopefully,” Jim nodded. “I damn well hope so.”

Tohma looked at his friend and gave him a small smile. “I’m sure you will succeed. You have great tenacity, and obviously a true gift for this type of work. You will be a great credit to the FBI I am sure.”

Jim grinned wryly. “Why thank you,” he said with a mock bow. “As long as they don’t call me out on some of the cases I’ve been involved in lately that have a few, shall we say, not so glowing moments.”

Tohma leant on the counter top to take some weight off his tired feet. “What would those be?” he asked out of curiousity.

“Oh, the fact that a civilian turned up at a shoot out in the Sakuma case for one,” Jim said in an off-hand manner.

“Oh yes, that,” Tohma looked at the ceiling as he took another sip.

“Yes, that,” Jim confirmed, narrowing his eyes. “I could still get into strife over that if anyone finds out about it.”

“Well, that is just one small incident and it was all satisfactorily resolved in the end so surely they could not complain too greatly about it?” Tohma half-protested. “And it was not like you actually knew that I was there so I can’t see how they could place any blame upon you.”

“You would be surprised what they might think,” Jim said darkly. “They probably would say that I should have kept a closer eye on you to make certain you didn’t meddle.” He frowned at Tohma. “Which is exactly what I should have done if I had known for one minute you would pull such a stunt!” He shook his head at the memory. “My heart still nearly stops whenever I remember how damn close you came to being nothing but another stat in the morgue.”

Tohma grinned at him. “Sorry. But it does touch my heart to know how much you care.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jim replied, rolling his eyes at the remark. “You’ve been a rather nasty thorn in my side for some time now,” he said, shaking a finger at Tohma.

“Now that is hardly fair,” Tohma denied. “Apart from that one incident, I haven’t been involved in anything else that could have caused you difficulties.”

“What about that small case of a supposed drug deal gone wrong, a dead tutor, and a mysteriously absent minor at the time, hmm? All with very strong connections to you.”

Tohma stiffened. Damn it, Jim was doing it again. Did he never give up?

“That case has been settled, if my knowledge serves me,” he replied evenly, not letting any emotion apart from calm enter his voice.

“True,” Jim said in an off-hand manner as though they were discussing nothing more than the weather. “At least the local authorities believe so. They have this thing usually about not upsetting people with clout if they can help it.”

“That seems a little derogatory of you towards your fellow officers,” Tohma said. “Are you implying they are swayed by money and fame?”

“Nah, not really. There’s plenty of honest cops in the city. Just the higher you go, the more complicated the politics get.” He looked Tohma up and down for a moment. “And you did play the media to your advantage, not ours in that case. The quicker that case got wrapped up, the happier the big boys were gonna be.”

“However, from the inquest I do believe that all the evidence and facts gathered were presented more than adequately for a valid judgment to be made,” Tohma countered.

“Oh, it certainly was,” Jim agreed. “Except we couldn’t exactly lay our hands on someone who could have been a very important character witness, could we? And some of the facts, well, they really didn’t all quite match up. At least not in my books.”

Tohma licked his lips briefly, startled to find them so dry. He was obviously a little more nervous about this conversation than he had realized.

“So if you were not so sure, why was there no further investigation?” he asked, actually really wondering about this now.

Jim stretched, rolling his neck from side to side for a moment. “Because there didn’t seem any point in trying to follow it up. I couldn’t make anyone else think that there was more to the whole thing than what they had come up with, and I wasn’t the official case leader on that one so I couldn’t make that call. Not to mention that I had no luck finding anyone prepared to submit a summons to get a Japanese minor back into the country.”

Tohma sucked in his breath in surprise. He hadn’t known anything about that. Jim caught his eye and nodded slowly as he said, “I know. Because I tried.” He held Tohma’s gaze a little longer. “So that’s how it all went down. Of course, if it had become a Federal case I’m not so sure that it would have all been so neatly wrapped up so quickly though,” and he gave a half-shrug. “Who knows, perhaps it still would have. The FBI are only human after all.”

Jim topped up his cup from the still steaming kettle, seeming to ignore the silent Tohma.

“So, in the end, it’s still case closed,” he said, throwing a glance towards Tohma. “I’ve just got one question.”

“What?” Tohma said with a strained voice.

“Did you do it?” Jim suddenly said, facing him directly now.

Tohma stared at him, surprised at how forthright Jim was being when up till now he had always done nothing more than allude to that incident, and also that he truly did still suspect him directly. Did Jim truly think he was capable of murder? Well, in truth perhaps he was a better judge of character than he knew, Tohma thought silently. Twice now he had found himself in almost killing rages; the first with Eiri, the second with Ryuichi. Truly, if the opportunity had been there for him he may very well have killed at either time. Yes, perhaps Jim knew him better and what he could be capable of more than he even knew himself.

“No,” he finally said firmly. “I can tell you, in all honesty, I did not kill anyone.”

Jim looked back at him steadily, not breaking his gaze. Then he nodded. “Yeah, I believe you.” He finished the last of his coffee and walked to the sink to rinse the cup, turning it over to drain.

Whilst his back was turned he spoke again. “Did your ward do it?”

Tohma looked at Jim’s back, not wishing to lie to this man whom he counted as a friend yet nor he could he ever tell him the truth.

“What do you want me to say?” he finally said softly. “Either way, will you truly know if it is a lie or the truth?”

Jim remained where he was, hands resting on the edge of the sink then he slowly turned to face Tohma.

“You’re right,” Jim said then. “You keep your truth. And I’ll keep mine.” He grinned then, lightening the mood. “No good will come of it either way now, will it?”

Tohma smiled back, stepping forward to rinse his own cup. “That is very true,” he agreed.

“Turn the light off and let’s get back to our post,” Jim instructed.

“You just want to get me in the dark,” Tohma said in a simpering voice.

“In your dreams, buddy,” was Jim’s answered as Tohma flicked the switch and the room plunged into darkness again. “In your dreams.”

-oOo-


Tohma shrugged his shoulders in his thick jacket, lifting his hands to turn up the collar against the draft that ran through the room. The nights were definitely getting colder. He was sure that come morning he would be aching all over. Oh, what he wouldn’t give for a soft, warm bed right now was his thought as he covered a yawn.

“We’ve got movement,” Jim said quietly, eyes still fixed to the binoculars.

Tohma peered through the window towards the street but could make out nothing more than a shadowy shape that only was visible as it crossed the dim light spilling over the pavement from the lights.

“Is it him?” he asked.

“Yep,” Jim said straightening up and swiftly walking into the other room, and opening the window. This one joined onto the fire escape and they both quickly made their way down to the street level.

“Can you still see him?” Tohma asked.

“Come on,” Jim simply said and ran across the street and continued along the pavement, only slowing when he came to the corner.

Tohma pulled up behind him as Jim looked around the corner carefully. “Bingo!” Jim said with satisfaction. “We’ve got to be careful now,” he cautioned, stepping out and beginning to walk again.

Tohma fell into step beside him and now he could see the figure of someone walking ahead of them, heading in the same direction. There were a few people still on the streets, although it was the now the very early hours of the morning, but not too many so they could easily keep track of their quarry.

They turned around another couple of corners and now Tohma began to notice a change in their surroundings. The streets seemed narrow, although that could have been a trick of his mind, and they felt older. Or perhaps, more used would be a better description. He didn’t know if this was an old part of town or not but there definitely was a change in the atmosphere.

“Watch yourself now,” Jim’s soft voice said, confirming Tohma’s thoughts. He didn’t expand further and Tohma felt no need to ask more. That one warning was enough.

There seemed more people now, here in this area, although many of them weren’t upright, nor was he even certain all of them were breathing. The smell of urine, alcohol and a dozen more unsavoury aromas assaulted his senses as they cut through alleys. He had to step over more than one body sprawled across the ground or propped up against the wall, although he could never fully discern the garbled shouts that followed them.

A few streets along the atmosphere changed again, now with tired looking females smoking on street corners, the glitter of their skimpy clothes falsely promising delights that he was sure few of them could deliver. As they passed them, he could see some were far younger than should be here, others much older and trying to conceal it behind heavy make-up. He and Jim ignored the called invitations and offers to sample the wares – at a discount price due to the late hour.

Only a block further and around another corner more of this continued, although now the denizens were male. Despite the cold the youths wore little to no clothing on their torsos, baring midriffs and chests for their clients to view, usually only sporting collars and chains draped over their skin or piercing nipples. They passed more than a few locked in embraces and to Tohma’s brief glance it wasn’t with a client but with each other. He guessed that was one way to keep warm whilst you were waiting. He turned his head from one couple as one hand pushed trousers lower to bare the top of pale buttocks and the hand continued to slide lower beneath the material before the recipient of that caress arched back with a moan.

Jim and he continued walking and Tohma wasn’t even certain if Jim had noticed anything of their surroundings or if he was so completely focused on his target all else had faded from his view. Perhaps Jim was so used to this environment that it didn’t even register any more.

“Shit!” Jim suddenly said under his breath. He stopped and turned to face Tohma, hunching his shoulders.

“What?” Tohma stopped as well.

“He’s coming back, damn it!”

Jim furtively looked around them but there was no where they could go easily without obviously drawing attention to themselves. Now Tohma could see the man they had been tailing drawing closer. They had to do something - fast.

Deciding quickly, Tohma shrugged his coat from his shoulders, letting it slither to the ground around his feet. Underneath he was wearing what he could call ‘normal’ clothes yet he knew it would be considered a little flamboyant to others. The white long sleeved shirt had a frill around the neckline which came in a v-shape midway down his torso. It hung loose over his low slung trousers around his hips. He had only worn such a loose shirt because it had been stifling during the day in the unaired room they had been locked in till now.

Reaching out he grasped the lapel of Jim’s coat, pulling him hard so he was jerked off his feet, almost falling against Tohma who stepped back so his spine was pressed up hard against the wall. Jim’s hands both came up to slap against the wall on either side of his head so the taller man didn’t crush him. Tilting his head up he pressed his lips against Jim’s, his other hand sliding around his friend’s neck and gripping his hair hard at the nape to hold him in place.

He heard and felt the startled gasp from Jim as their lips met, plus the tensing of muscles but he just held on tightly, keeping his eyes open and fixed on Jim’s, trying to warn him to not make a scene. Jim still remained tense but made no further move to break away and so Tohma let his half-closed gaze drift over Jim’s shoulder to watch their suspect.

He had no way of knowing if the man suspected them or not. He watched as the man drew nearer to where they stood, saw his gaze settle on them for a moment and the brief sneer of distaste that curled his lips, before he turned his head to spit into the gutter, mumble something of which the only world Tohma caught was ‘fags’, then he crossed the street and headed down the alley there.

Tohma held Jim in place a while longer, watching carefully to be certain the man wasn’t coming back. When it seemed that they were safe he released his grip and Jim immediately stumbled backwards, one hand coming up to his mouth.

“Fuck you!” he snarled, scrubbing at his lips with the back of his hand. “Did you have to do that?!”

“Be thankful I didn’t use tongue,” Tohma said mildly, reaching down to retrieve his coat, giving it a shake and slipping it on. He was already shivering now that Jim’s body warmth had left him.

“Gah!” Jim half-gagged at that thought. “If you had I would have cracked your nuts!”

“Now that would have given us away completely,” Tohma pointed out.

“I wouldn’t have cared!” Jim gave his mouth another rub, closing his eyes for a moment with a shiver. “You could have warned me!”

“There was no time. Are you saying you would have been fine with it if I had given you some notice?”

“No! What the hell made you chose that as our cover?” Jim turned and looked across the street.

Tohma came to stand beside him. “Well, considering the area we are in and the activities of some of the other….inhabitants, it seemed the only thing that wouldn’t be considered unusual.”

Jim glanced down at him and grimaced. “You’re probably right about that,” he admitted grudgingly. He turned back to the alley. “He went down there?”

“Yes,” Tohma nodded.

“Come on then. We don’t want him to get too far ahead of us.”

Jim crossed the street with Tohma beside him.

“Do you think he suspected us?” Tohma asked. “Is that why he came back?”

“I don’t think so,” Jim answered. “It might have just been a normal precaution of doubling back in case he was being followed. Or he might have just missed the turn.” He shrugged. “Either way I don’t think he spotted us as tailing him.”

“Well, that is a good thing. I don’t think we could convincingly pull that move off again if he sees us a second time. I think even he would become suspicious of a gay couple who always seemed to be locked in an embrace where ever he was.” Tohma skipped delicately over a puddle of liquid that he really didn’t want to know what it was considering the foul smell that arose from it.

“You’re damn right about that!” Jim said, throwing a glare at him. “There is no way I’m going through that again!”

“Then I think you are quite safe.”

They walked in silence for a moment more when Tohma spoke again.

“Was it really that bad?” he asked quietly.

“What?” Jim responded absently, still looking ahead.

“The kiss,” Tohma pressed. “Did you really dislike it that much?”

“Why would I…” Jim began, turning to look at Tohma with an expression of exasperation but then paused, halting what he had been about to say.

Tohma raised a brow. “A kiss is a kiss, with either male or female. It is only about the meaning and intensity that is given to the kiss which changes it into something else.” He tipped his head to one side as he continued to look at his friend. “Was our kiss so terrible?”

“This is not the time or place to talk about kissing?!” Jim said, beginning to turn away.

“Why?” Tohma quietly asked, halting Jim’s departure. “Isn’t it a simple answer? Either yes, it was terrible; or no, it wasn’t. Which is it?”

Jim didn’t speak for a time, nor did he try to walk away. Tohma just looked at the broad back presented to him. He was far more used to these ambiguous feelings which could be directed at either a man or a women, or both. He was equally sure that Jim had never had to deal with such things before.

“If I answer you will you shut up about it, and never raise it again?” Jim asked suddenly.

“If that is what you wish,” Tohma answered.

The silence settled between them again.

“It wasn’t bad,” Jim said almost breathlessly as though he had to try and force the words out in a rush or not say them at all. “Now hurry up!” and he began walking briskly away so rapidly that Tohma was forced to jog to initially catch up.

“Thank you for being so honest,” Tohma said when he fell into step beside Jim.

“No sweat. Just don’t ever ask me again.”