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Moon and Stars	By : Monddame Category: Sailor Moon > General Views: 5134 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon in any way shape or form. I am not given money or any other compensation (not even hugs) for my writing. All I get is the satisfaction of knowing that it's out there somewhere for others to read.

Chapter List
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Usagi settled on that plan of action and called the girls that night. As she walked down the street to the restaurant for lunch the next day she had that same nervous feeling she�d felt before confiding in Shingo, like she was meeting someone important for the first time. Minako and Makoto were there already, talking in hushed tones with apprehensive looks on their faces as they waited for her.

�Hi girls!�

�Long time no see blondie! It�s been almost two weeks!� Makoto was put at ease by the smile on Usagi�s face. It was timid, but it looked more genuine than any smile she�d seen from her friend in a long time and it brought her hope that this meeting was for happy news.

�I�m pretty sure it�s been longer than that since you�ve really seen me.� Minako tilted her head to one side; what was Usagi talking about?

�Well, you�re here now. Shall we order?� The girls placed their orders and sat in awkward silence for a few moments, none sure what to say.

�I want to say something, and I�d like it if you�d let me finish before you ask any questions or say anything, okay?� Minako and Makoto looked at each other in trepidation at the tone of their princess� voice, but nodded anyway. �When Mamo-chan died, I fell apart. And when I needed you, you girls were there for me. But then, I didn�t get better. I let myself die inside. Since Mamo-chan was dead, I wanted to be dead too. But I can finally see clearly. I have been so incredibly selfish. I have pushed our friendship beyond any reasonable expectation of aid. You would have been fully justified in kicking my butt to the curb a long time ago, but through years of torment, you guys stuck with me. You�ve taken care of me when I couldn�t even take care of myself. You�ve put your own lives on hold just so you could make sure I was okay, especially you Minako. What I wanted to say is that I am so, so sorry for how much pain and worry I�ve caused you. I was so wrapped up in myself that I couldn�t see what I was doing to you, my friends. I love you girls so much, and I wanted you to know that I think I�m finally turning a corner. For the first time since he died, I can think about Mamo-chan without bursting into tears. I think I�m going to be okay.� Usagi brushed away the pool of moisture gathering in her eyes, angry at herself that she couldn�t seem to say anything without crying even an apology for crying so much.

�Can we talk now?� Makoto asked, her own eyes brimming.

Usagi nodded. But instead of words, the two girls simply launched themselves at her, crushing her in between them. After they�d calmed down a little, and righted their overturned chairs their questions began.

�How did this happen? What finally reached you?� Minako vowed to lavish kisses on whoever or whatever had brought her friend back to her.

�Believe it or not, it was Shingo.�

�Shingo?� Makoto didn�t have siblings, actually Usagi was the only one who did, but even to her Shingo hadn�t seemed like a sibling all that worth having.

�Yeah. I went home for my vacation, and he�s grown up so much since I moved out. It was the first night I was there. He followed me up to my room after dinner and he hugged me and told me he loved me and he hoped I was getting better. I guess I just never expected him to care about me that much. It kind of shocked me into seeing how much I was hurting everyone around me if even Shingo was concerned about me.�

�Well, I guess I owe Shingo a face full of kisses since he�s the one who brought you back to us.� The girls laughed at Minako�s exuberance, and Usagi was sure Shingo would not mind such a reward in the least. She�d always suspected that he�d held a secret candle for her blonde friend. Now that the important news was out, Usagi tried to redirect the conversation.

�Now, tell me everything that�s happened recently in your lives that I probably missed.�

The girls spent their lunch laughing and talking, though Usagi mostly listened in wonder at the achievements of her friends. She could see them relaxing, their sidelong glances at her quickly disappearing as they reveled in her returning spirit. Minako and Usagi laughed as they forced Makoto to describe her most recent encounter with Motoki, her almost-boyfriend, while the brunette blushed up a storm. Their time was nearing an end, and Minako couldn�t keep herself from asking the question about the only thing that was still worrying her.

�And what about your dreams, Usagi?� The mood instantly sobered and Usagi couldn�t help herself from dropping her gaze to the napkin on her lap.

�I haven�t come to any conclusion there as of yet. I still feel like it�s wrong to think about him that way, especially him. But, maybe someday, there will be someone who can convince me that it�s okay to think of someone besides Mamo-chan. Besides, Seiya is millions of light years away so it doesn�t really matter.�

It wasn�t the response Minako was hoping for, but there was room to change inside that explanation. Now wasn�t probably the best time, but maybe sometime soon one of her crazy schemes would be necessary in this situation.

As they departed the two scouts hugged their princess with joy and hope in their hearts. Their friend was returning to them after a long absence. After years of futile attempts to save their princess from her own grief, their leader was taking control of herself and exhibiting that strength they all knew she possessed. They agreed not to contact the other scouts until after she had talked to them herself, and Usagi hoped they would be able to hold in their excitement for a few hours at least.

Usagi was amazed at how fast time at the office went when she could work without the constant buzzing of her threatening emotions in the background. She kept up her extra effort to interact with her co-workers and soon the day was over and it was time for her dinner with Rei and Ami. She hoped it would be as successful as her lunch date, but she knew that Rei and Ami would probably ask her a great deal many more questions, and thoughts of their reactions had her feeling nervous again.

She was the first to arrive at the restaurant, and she sat there nervously sipping her water as she waited. The other girls arrived together and Usagi waved them over to her table.

�Hey girl, what�s up?� Rei slid into the circular booth on Usagi�s left side.

�Hi Usagi.� Ami slid in on the other side. �How was work today?�

�Oh, it was pretty good actually. I have a lot of catching up to do since it seems Hasegawa-sama didn�t have anyone covering the things that weren�t absolutely urgent while I was gone, but I should be caught up in the next day or two. How were your classes today?� It took Ami a minute to respond. She couldn�t remember the last time Usagi had volunteered so much information.

�They were pretty dull actually. There�s a lot of overlap between a few of my classes this term so it seems like I�m learning the same things over and over.�

�Alright, enough chit chat, what exactly is all this about?�

Leave it to Rei to get right to the point, Usagi thought to herself, while Ami gritted her teeth at her fiery friend�s abruptness. Usagi was saved from reply, however, by the arrival of the waiter who took their order and retreated with a bow. Rei folded her arms and kept her focus on the blonde girl, not allowing for any deviation from the topic at hand. Usagi sighed and tried to figure out how best to broach the topic with her two nearly polar opposite friends.

�Well, there was something that I wanted to say to you girls, something I wanted to tell you. I think I should start by apologizing. I realize how much time and energy you all have expended in caring for me and worrying about me these past few years. It wasn�t fair to go all to pieces for so long and leave you guys to try and hold me together. I�ve been so selfish in allowing myself to get so bad. I�ve been the cause of so much pain, so much hurt. It�s inexcusable really, but I�m hoping you�ll forgive me anyway. I�m so sorry. And, I wanted to let you know that I�ve turned a corner. I think this past week has really helped me to see things clearly and I think that I�m getting better.� Usagi smiled already anticipating Rei�s reaction by the skeptical look on her friend�s face.

�Sorry I�ve been such a crybaby but I�m okay now? That�s all we get after years of sulking?�

�Rei! It�s our job to look after each other, Usagi. That�s what friends are for. And all of us have a special duty to you, princess. You don�t have to apologize, at least not to me.� Ami shot Rei a dirty look. �I can�t imagine how hard it was for you to lose Mamoru. No one expected you to recover overnight. But, I�m so glad that you�re feeling more like your old self again. We�ve really missed you.� Ami�s voice descended to a whisper as she hugged her friend.

�Thanks Ami.� She turned to Rei, and knowing her friend well, she could tell that the jet-haired girl was masking her hurt and worry with anger. �Rei, I am so sorry that I made you worry about me. You were right. I wasn�t trying at all. I know that there isn�t anything I can do to repay you for looking out for me these past few years, but I�m going to try anyway by never giving you a cause to worry about me like that again. I love you Raven.� Rei�s frown held for a moment before it melted and her eyes filled with tears.

�I thought I�d never get you back, Usagi. It hasn�t been the same without you.� She hugged the blonde fiercely, and then gripping her by the shoulders looked her right in the eye blinking furiously against her tears. �Don�t you ever do that to me again! Next time I won�t be so nice.�

Their food arrived, and the girls avoided eye contact for a few minutes as they each gained control over their tears. Rei was the first to voice a question.

�Are you sure you�re over it? This isn�t some temporary change that will expire next week is it?� Ami grimaced once more.

�Honestly, I don�t think I�m completely over it yet; I don�t know if I�ll ever be completely over it. But I�m definitely done moping around all the time. I think this is a permanent change for the better.�

�Do you mind if I ask how this came about?� Ami was surprised by the sudden alteration of Usagi�s state of mind.

�No, I don�t mind. It�s kind of funny actually. I went home for my vacation last week. And after dinner the first night I was there Shingo followed me up to my room and he said he loved me and he hoped I was getting better. I never expected something like that to come out of his mouth. It sort of shocked me into seeing how much I was hurting everyone. And that combined with just being sick of being sad all the time sort of propelled me forward.� Usagi hesitated, but she knew Rei was the best person to confide the rest in. �Plus, in my dreams Mamo-chan had been pushing me to let go of my sadness.�

�Mamoru always was smarter than you Usagi, even in your own dreams.� Rei smiled at her. �What about the other man of your dreams? Has he been pushing you to give up Mamoru too?�

�No, usually all he says is my name and I wake up � well, his nickname for me, really. But, if you girls don�t mind, I�d rather not talk about that right now. It�s the one piece of this emotional puzzle that I haven�t figured out yet.�

�Of course, when you�re ready we�ll be here to listen, just don�t wait so long this time.� Ami patted her friend�s hand, registering an absence. �Oh, Usagi, what happened to your ring?�

�That�s part of the reason I know this isn�t a temporary improvement. I sort of knew it was time to let Mamo-chan go already, but Shingo�s concern gave me the courage to actually do it. I put the ring in the box with all of my other things from Mamo-chan and I put the box in the attic with all my other old stuff. I said goodbye.�

Rei smiled. She knew that her friend was strong, stronger than she gave herself credit for. And it had hurt to watch Usagi deny that strength for years. Rei was proud of her for finally beginning to turn herself around. It felt like the sun was coming out after trying to see through the dark for so long.

After dinner, before parting ways Usagi repeated her request that the girls allow her to speak with the outer scouts herself before they shared anything with them. She was out of practice of being so involved with her surroundings, and two emotional encounters in one day left Usagi quite tired. So, she bid her friends goodnight and made her way to her apartment.
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Moon and Stars