Gold & Guns
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Death Note › Yaoi-Male/Male › Mello/Matt
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Adult +
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14
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Category:
Death Note › Yaoi-Male/Male › Mello/Matt
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
14
Views:
1,725
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own or make money from Death Note
Part 13 ~Dialysis~
Suggested Listening: Dialysis by It's Alive
Part 13
~Dialysis~
Mello hadn't remembered getting onto his motorcycle, hadn't remembered even leaving the room. He had left so damn quickly, his body responding to his thoughts before he had even processed them. He honestly wouldn't have been able to answer if asked where he was headed, because he didn't know. He only knew he needed to think.
He drove on, racing invisible opponents but it did nothing to calm him and had only made him tenser by the time he had stopped. He thought it was oddly fitting that he had stopped there, in the mostly deserted parking lot, of that place.
His boots clunked on the pavement and even more so as he stepped inside of the well worn church. None of the few scattered people inside looked up at the sound of the door closing, and the room was once again bathed in the half darkness.
He found a dark corner to sit in, well away from the other people, and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. He closed his eyes with an inaudible sigh. Things were always so complicated... and Matt had made them more so...
Did he care that much about Matt's well being that he could he simply... give up everything... for him? Could Matt be enough for him.. when he obviously wasn't enough for the redhead?
And who was to say that Matt honestly would stay away from that club, or other clubs? That he even could stay away?
Was it even right for him to ask that of Matt after everything he had done to him, after what Matt had become because of him...
And what of the Kira case and L?
He felt guilt surge within him and was grateful he was already sitting. How could he even think of leaving the case...it was absurd.
A decision had to be reached, what ever what the outcome, otherwise he wouldn't be satisfied no matter what he did.
He cared for Matt. He really did. So much so that it made him ache, sometimes unpleasantly so, in pain. Mello fisted his hair in a gloved hand, face pressed close to his thigh as he leaned further.
He was in love with him, wasn't he, if only a little?
Could he really abandon Matt again... after getting him back, no matter how many pieces his personality seemed to be shattered into...
But equally, could he abandon the Kira case after everything, being so damn close to victory, getting his scar... could he take the loss to Near...?
He was so damn conflicted, and both options were bad. Left him stuck at the bottom. If he left Matt, he knew he would regret it even if he lived through the case. And if he chose Matt, he would forever be haunted by the what if's regarding Kira and Near...
Heart or mind, heart or mind?
He yanked on his hair in frustration and withheld a snarl. For once, Mello had no idea what to do, what to choose.
He found words summoned to his lips, ones he hadn't said in what seemed like forever, and mouthed them silently to himself, running through them thrice over before his posture relaxed and he sat up straight, hands untangling from his hair.
He breathed in deep and was up and back out the doors in a flash.
His decision was made, and it was absolute.
He only hoped he could be forgiven, in time.
-End Part 13-
AN: Ahhh! *dodges thrown objects*
And next chapter is the last. And its going to be interesting to say the least XD Um. But I have been in an odd mood lately (so freakn tired ALL THE TIME) so I'm not sure when I'll get it written XD
Part 13
~Dialysis~
Mello hadn't remembered getting onto his motorcycle, hadn't remembered even leaving the room. He had left so damn quickly, his body responding to his thoughts before he had even processed them. He honestly wouldn't have been able to answer if asked where he was headed, because he didn't know. He only knew he needed to think.
He drove on, racing invisible opponents but it did nothing to calm him and had only made him tenser by the time he had stopped. He thought it was oddly fitting that he had stopped there, in the mostly deserted parking lot, of that place.
His boots clunked on the pavement and even more so as he stepped inside of the well worn church. None of the few scattered people inside looked up at the sound of the door closing, and the room was once again bathed in the half darkness.
He found a dark corner to sit in, well away from the other people, and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. He closed his eyes with an inaudible sigh. Things were always so complicated... and Matt had made them more so...
Did he care that much about Matt's well being that he could he simply... give up everything... for him? Could Matt be enough for him.. when he obviously wasn't enough for the redhead?
And who was to say that Matt honestly would stay away from that club, or other clubs? That he even could stay away?
Was it even right for him to ask that of Matt after everything he had done to him, after what Matt had become because of him...
And what of the Kira case and L?
He felt guilt surge within him and was grateful he was already sitting. How could he even think of leaving the case...it was absurd.
A decision had to be reached, what ever what the outcome, otherwise he wouldn't be satisfied no matter what he did.
He cared for Matt. He really did. So much so that it made him ache, sometimes unpleasantly so, in pain. Mello fisted his hair in a gloved hand, face pressed close to his thigh as he leaned further.
He was in love with him, wasn't he, if only a little?
Could he really abandon Matt again... after getting him back, no matter how many pieces his personality seemed to be shattered into...
But equally, could he abandon the Kira case after everything, being so damn close to victory, getting his scar... could he take the loss to Near...?
He was so damn conflicted, and both options were bad. Left him stuck at the bottom. If he left Matt, he knew he would regret it even if he lived through the case. And if he chose Matt, he would forever be haunted by the what if's regarding Kira and Near...
Heart or mind, heart or mind?
He yanked on his hair in frustration and withheld a snarl. For once, Mello had no idea what to do, what to choose.
He found words summoned to his lips, ones he hadn't said in what seemed like forever, and mouthed them silently to himself, running through them thrice over before his posture relaxed and he sat up straight, hands untangling from his hair.
He breathed in deep and was up and back out the doors in a flash.
His decision was made, and it was absolute.
He only hoped he could be forgiven, in time.
-End Part 13-
AN: Ahhh! *dodges thrown objects*
And next chapter is the last. And its going to be interesting to say the least XD Um. But I have been in an odd mood lately (so freakn tired ALL THE TIME) so I'm not sure when I'll get it written XD