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Gone Forever	By : Nayru774 Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 3479 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Warnings: Bad language, blood like WHOA, the usual angst and... omg, some fluff?

~Gone Forever~

Chapter 13: Cold December

"...Kanda, how did you know the mark on my hand was a stigmata, anyway?" Allen asked, as he looked at the tray of food on his lap, holding two loafs of bread and some soup.

"Does it look like anything else to you?" Kanda deadpanned.

"Well, I mean... Sure, the Noah have stigmatas on their foreheads, but… Did you ever see it on their hands?" The boy asked, trying to make a point. But the moment he formed the question, he stopped in his attempt at eating.

Just then it came to him; how could've he missed it? At the time when he fought with Tyki Mikk back at the Ark, when the Noah changed his appearance... Stigmatas appeared on his hands, too, didn't they? He could recall all the black blood that poured from the cross-shaped wounds.

Allen noticed that Kanda was giving him a suspicious look, so he decided to shake it off by starting his meal as if nothing.

"I've read about it in the books found in the Order's library." The Japanese answered after a moment, resting his chin on his hand. "There's not that much information in regards to it, and most of it is superstition, anyway... But it did say some stuff about it."

"Oh... Wow, I never thought about that." It would make sense, actually. What place would have books in regards to the topic if not the Order? "You probably know more about it than I do, then..."

"Right, whatever." The Japanese growled, apparently not pleased with Walker's response. "I'm still waiting for an explanation. And you're not going anywhere once I get one."

"Right, so..." Allen trailed off, pausing for a moment, as he put away the food on the tray. "You remember the white room in the old Ark? The one where the piano stood..."

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Everything started there, I guess..." The white-haired sighed, turning silent for another moment. "Once my Master threw me in there... That's where I've seen the Fourteenth's shadow for the first time, reflecting in the window's surface."

"The Fourteenth?"

"The Fourteenth Noah. The Noah of Creation. The Musician. Call him what you want... He's the Noah who betrayed the Earl and turned against him."

"What the hell does he have to do with you?" Kanda asked impatiently.

"Ever since I entered the Fourteenth's room... I've been able to see him. Or his shadow, rather. It's... It's looming behind me, whenever I look in a mirror, or some kind of other reflective surface."

Allen stopped, waiting for some kind of reaction from the dark-haired man. But the moment he looked at said person, Kanda was simply staring at him with an raised eyebrow.

Well, that would certainly explain why Walker tended to cover mirrors whenever he saw one in a new room they arrived at, the dark-haired noted.

"Keh." Kanda made a weird noise while he looked away, closing his eyes. Allen had no idea if that was supposed to be something akin to a laugh or not.

"You don't believe me." The white-haired concluded. He should have seen it coming, really. "Well, I can't blame you..."

"No, I can't believe... how much in common we actually have." The man's voice was bitter.

"Huh?" Now Allen seemed confused.

"We're both cursed, we both see things that weren't supposed to be there. How messed up will this get?" He asked, speaking more to himself than to anyone else.

"Kanda, you..." The younger male blinked, startled. "Do you see the Fourteenth as well?"

The Japanese remained silent for a moment before he finally spoke. "No."

"You see something else, then?" Allen tried again.

"No." The man denied. "Continue your story."

"That's not fair, you know?"

"Life's not fair, Moyashi."

"No way, really?" Allen growled in dissatisfaction. "You've started it, now finish it."

"You're also in the middle of something, brat."

A short moment of pause. "Equal trade?"

"No, you owe me this explanation. I owe you shit."

"I could argue with that."

"What?"

"Nothing." Allen added quickly, looking away. "So, anyway. Like you already know, after I left the Order, I met with my Master by coincidence."

"By coincidence?"

"Yes, I came to Britain in order to visit someone, and my Master was already waiting for me there in this person's stead. He predicted that would be the first place I'd come to..."

"Way to go for being unpredictable." Kanda remarked. "What did Cross tell you?"

"A lot of things..." Allen trailed off, saddening a bit.

Well, this was it. And the faster he let it all out, the better, the boy figured. There was no turning back on the subject anymore, anyway. Let Kanda think what he wanted, it would be the truth and the truth alone.

"That the Fourteenth and Mana were actually brothers... That Mana implanted the Fourteenth's memories in me..." The white-haired started, deciding to explain everything in one go.

"Who−"

"That I'm necessary for his revival. That I−" That I will kill someone I love after he awakens...

"−the fuck is Mana?" The Japanese interrupted Allen angrily.

"My father... My foster father." The white-haired explained immediately. "The man who adopted me when I was still a child. The one I turned into an Akuma after he died, not long before Cross found me..." A sad smile appeared on the boy's face, and it was apparent the words were hard for him to say.

"Stop." Kanda demanded, closing his eyes, suddenly remembering something he wanted to long forget himself. "Back to the Fourteenth, because you hardly made sense with him just now."

Allen looked at Kanda with a blank expression, only to avert his gaze elsewhere a second later, clenching his fists subconsciously. "Supposedly... The Fourteenth will take over me eventually."

The Japanese frowned at the boy, looking angry as hell. "What do you mean, 'take over'?"

"I'm turning into a Noah, Kanda." Allen said it out straight in a surprisingly sharp tone, as if he were pissed at the matter himself. "Well, not yet, but—"

"You−"

The next moment, Mugen was being pointed in the white-haired's direction, making him frown.

"For the love of God, would you stop with the constant weapon threatening?" Both of the boys' eyes met in a fierce gaze. "Because I'm not going to kill you anytime soon, honest."

Kanda gritted his teeth, staring at the other male cautiously. "You were lying to me back then."

"No, I wasn't." Allen countered the words with equal bitterness. "Because neither Mana nor the Fourteenth had foreseen one small detail that would make the whole plan unworkable."

The Japanese narrowed his eyes, seeming actually calm in regards to the situation. "And that would be?"

"Innocence, Kanda." The white-haired answered as a matter-of-factly. "Innocence and Noah oppose eachother, don't they? They destroy oneanother."

"That they do." Kanda admitted, getting the point. "But a person can live without a fucking arm, Walker."

"True, but a person can't live without a functioning heart, can they?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's kind of ironic, actually... Because this is all Tyki Mikk's fault." A slight smile appeared on the boy's lips as he said it. "Remember the time when I was missing in action and you arrived at Edo with everyone else? Before the Asian branch found me and took me in, I had a small encounter with Mikk. He destroyed my Innocence and tried to kill me by letting the Tease feed on my heart." It was astonishing how Allen could talk about it so easily by now, he was surprised with it himself. "But my Innocence saved me then, by patching the hole in my heart and becoming part of it."

"That's…" The Japanese was a loss for words, looking startled by the information.

"Now do you understand? If the Fourteenth took over me, he'd probably die on the spot."

"But… This is just speculation, isn't it? Is he even aware of this?"

"Yeah, I managed to talk to him about it already… And he admitted me right."

"You can actually talk with him?"

"Yeah, I know it sounds fishy, but either way... What I want to say is that I won't be of a threat to you guys, as things stand." The white-haired Exorcist explained, looking Kanda straight in the eyes. "The Fourteenth won't take over me if he's not stupid. And if he is and still tries to, I won't let him do it. If he still manages to do it somehow, he'll die. Whatever option, the Fourteenth loses. That's all there is to it."

Silence fell upon the room, and Kanda apparently wanted to take a moment to process everything properly.

It worried him, actually. He was suspicious in regards to the fact whether what Walker assumed was really true; whether he didn't overlook any details. It was still all theory, was it not? What if the Noah somehow managed to find a way to take over his body without getting killed? What also worried him − as much as he hated to admit it − was the fact that once it happened… Allen would actually die, too.

They were both cursed, they both saw things that weren't supposed to be here... They both killed someone dear to them in the past. And now… Kanda realized both of them had a fucking time limit that was devouring on the time they still had as they spoke.

And as much as Kanda could control his curse by either slowing it down by not getting hurt, or quickening it by whim while healing his wounds, could Allen actually postpone the process of a Noah taking over him?

Closing his eyes, the Japanese sighed tiredly. "On who's side is that son of a bitch, anyway?"

Allen frowned at the question. "That's also something I'd like to know. He hardly answered any of my questions so far, and…" The boy's gaze turned unnaturally dark. "I swear, he gets on my nerves, the way he acts."

We have another thing in common, then… Kanda thought to himself angrily, cursing the stupid lotus flowers he's been seeing ever since he could remember.

"I've talked to him only twice or thrice, and only during the last conversation did I manage to stop myself from breaking the mirror."

"So you can talk to him through mirrors."

"Or any other reflective surface, actually." Allen added. "But I couldn't hear him at first." The boy turned to look at his right limb. "The first time I started to hear his voice was when the stigmata appeared on my hand..."

"When did it happen, anyway?"

"Oh, yeah, speaking of which..." The white-haired started, averting his gaze to the floor. "Right before we left the Order, when you found me in the bathroom. That's when. That's also when I could hear the Fourteenth for the first time... And for whatever reason, he was crying back then. I guess his sorrow affected me as well... I felt so sad and pissed then, I couldn't control myself."

Kanda fell silent for a moment. "Well, that would explain some things. And that would also explain why the Order wants to lock you up. I can't blame them."

"Yeah, if my Master knew about it... Then Komui and Central are probably aware of it by now as well."

"And they haven't told us a word about it." Kanda gritted his teeth in annoyance.

"With Rouvelier in the picture, why doesn't that surprise me?" Allen only shook his shoulders.

"Moyashi..." The dark-haired man looked at the other with seriousness in his eyes. "What are you planning to do now?"

"That's a good question." The boy yawned and fell with his back down to the bed, stretching lazily. "I'm a tad lost, to be honest. I'd like to look for my Master again, but I don't even know where to start with that. Tim doesn't seem to sense him anymore."

"Didn't he leave you any clues?"

"None."

"You're so fucked."

"...Tell me about it."

There was a moment of silence.

"You never planned to go back to the Order with me to begin with, did you?" Kanda asked the question in a surprisingly calm voice.

And more silence followed, as Allen opened his eyes lazily, looking at the ceiling above him. "…Sorry."

The moment Kanda left the room, the boy saddened and started to worry. Shifting to sit on the bed, he looked at the closed door of the room, wondering where the dark-haired took of to. And whether he'd even come back.

He knew he lied to Kanda again. But because of the circumstances, could the Japanese really blame him for it? Even though he was used to not telling the whole truth all the time, the realization of lying to the dark-haired like that made a pang of guilt rise in his chest.

He didn't want it to end like this.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

Allen went still as he gripped the door-handle of the outside door and looked back over his shoulder, noticing the Japanese.

"Kanda… You're still here. I thought you left."

"Are you stupid? After all you have told me, you expect me to leave you alone?"

The white-haired turned silent for a moment. "Right, The Fourteenth. You're going to keep watch over me."

"It would be stupid to ignore it."

"Kanda, you…" Allen took a deep breath. "Can I ask something of you?"

The dark-haired stood still, staring at Walker intently.

"If the Fourteenth somehow manages to take over me after all… And he proves to be a threat to the Order…" The boy trailed off, looking away from the other man.

Kanda couldn't help but grit his teeth unconsciously, understanding where this conversation was going. Sudden flashbacks of a past encounter assaulted him. They weren't as painful anymore, but the sole thought of letting this situation repeat itself pissed him off to no end.

"I−"

"I will kill him with my own hands." The Japanese's voice was sharp like a razor, just like his gaze was. "I can assure you of that."

Allen kept staring Kanda in the eyes, a small, sad smile appearing on his lips. "Okay. Thanks."

With that, the older of the two turned away. "For now… Let's hope it won't come to the worst case scenario." His voice sounded surprisingly reassuring all of a sudden.

The boy could only nod. "I won't go down without a fight."

The two Exorcists have taken their leave from the hotel sometime in the afternoon. Kanda suggested they should travel by night, since the probability of being spotted by anyone (anyone as in either someone from the Order or the Noah) at that time was smaller than it would have been by day light. In all honesty, Allen couldn't argue with that.

The white-haired boy breathed into his fists, the gust of air warming his numb hands. The month of December was particularly cold this year. Well, it was winter, after all, but the fact that they were currently in Britain made the low degrees a bit unusual. From what Allen was aware of, England wasn't usually this cold.

Looking at the street before him, the boy took in all the snow-covered roads and buildings. He knew that it wasn't the best of times to admire environments, but the sight was so lovely that it didn't let him pass any of it unnoticed. And somehow… It reminded him of something, but he couldn't figure out what.

Suddenly, Allen stopped in his tracks.

Alerted by the gesture, Kanda ceased to walk as well, turning in the boy's direction. Walker was frowning in confusion, staring at the road before him, giving the impression as if something wasn't right.

"What's wrong?" Kanda asked instinctively, frowning as well.

But he didn't get an answer; the boy just stood still.

No, no, please don't let it be it... Allen's thoughts started to scream at him desperately. Just now he noticed a weird kind of tingling in his feet, which was far from a good sign. If he guessed right what was about to come, he sure as hell wasn't looking forward to the upcoming turn of events.

"Kanda, we need to find some shelter." The white-haired finally spoke, his voice dead-serious. "And we need to do it fast."

The boy tried to resume his walking by moving forward, but the moment he tried to make a step, he fell to his knees with a surprised yelp.

"Oi!" Kanda approached the other without hesitation, kneeling beside him, placing a hand on Walker's shoulder. "Moyashi?"

Allen didn't move. He felt so mad at himself now. He knew such a thing could happen, and yet, he didn't warn Kanda of the possibility. Just because he dearly hoped it never would actually happen.

The boy suddenly winced, gritting his teeth.

There it was, the feeling as if someone just pierced through his flesh with a blade, sharp and merciless, and the sting could only remind him of a feeling he was very well familiar with by now. It was the same as last time, when the cross-shaped stigmata appeared on his hand.

The way the boy kept staring at his legs didn't leave Kanda clueless to the fact what was going on.

"Ow−"

A sudden push made the white-haired fall backwards, his behind pressing to the cold carpet of snow lying on the road. Without saying anything, Kanda started taking one of his shoes off.

"Kanda?" Allen looked at the man in confusion.

"You idiot, why aren't you telling me anything?" The dark-haired cursed, as he saw the clear-white snow beneath him take on the color of crimson, blood pouring from the feet so immensely that it made him worry.

"It didn't− ow−! It didn't happen to my legs before..." Allen tensed as a particularly sharp wave of pain flashed through his feet. "Ow, ow, ow−"

Kanda took out a scroll of bandage from his bag and tended to Walker's feet immediately. Allen breathed heavily into the cold air, letting himself fall, back pressing to the cold street. He made all effort not to scream out loud as the pain intensified.

The Japanese's treatment didn't hurt as much as the actual stinging in his flesh did, and by far the pain seemed even worse than the one that assaulted his hand. Whether it was because of the fact that his feet were more sensitive, or whether because the pain took liking to both of his legs at the same time, Allen wasn't sure. It still hurt like a−

"Agh!" The white-haired yelped as another wave of numbing pain flashed through him, making his eyes water. Messy memories of his last assault came, making him worried and scared, if not terrified. If he was bound to go through all of this for another hour or so − like he did when his hand was involved − he... He seriously wanted to die now.

A sudden pull made him snap out of his thoughts and next thing he knew, he was being raised into the air.

"K-Kanda?" The boy looked at the other man, startled, realizing that he's just been picked up by the Japanese, bridal-style.

"I look for shelter. You try not to pass out on me while I'm at it."

Allen probably would have complained if the circumstances were different.

"Ghh..." Allen hissed in pain for the n-th time that minute and Kanda was positive that Walker's not-so-gentle contact with the bathtub wasn't what had caused it. A few seconds later the clear-white surface of the tube was anything but clear and white. The sight made Kanda feel even more uneasy and helpless − though he tried not to waste his energy on thinking on worst case scenarios and do what was necessary at the moment.

They managed to find an inn not that far from their started point of search. It didn't seem to be the most luxurious place on earth − with a wooden, creaking structure, messy carpets and dusty wardrobes − but it was more than enough for the time being.

A small room on the first floor was what they got access to, and even though the innkeeper showed signs of shock as Kanda carried the heavy-breathing white-haired boy up the staircase on his own, he must have understood that the situation they were in was critical. No unnecessary questions were asked − Kanda appreciated it.

And figuring that getting the whole floor in the room bloody would obviously make the innkeeper not pleased, Kanda carried Allen inside the bathroom, straight into the bathtub.

Blood seemed to pour out of the white-haired boy's feet even more intensely when Kanda took Walker's boots off, though it was probably − hopefully − just an illusion caused by the overflowed footwear. The Japanese tied some small towels (which he found right next to the sink) around Allen's cross-shaped wounds, intending to slow down the flow of crimson. It seemed to help a bit, at first.

The boy let out another suppressed scream when the stigmata on his right hand started to bleed as well, making Allen start to trash about and swinging his hand up and down, in end hitting with his fist against the hard wall of the bathtub. And again, and again, and−

"Oi!" Kanda caught Walker by the wrist, stopping him in his further attempt at hurting himself. He then kneeled beside the tube and hooked a hand around the boy, so that he could keep him firmly in place.

The Japanese managed to place a towel in the young Exorcist's mouth when the latter tried to scream again. Walker bit on the piece of material without protesting too much. It was bound to help him muffle the sounds that escaped him and make it less possible for him to bite his tongue off, after all - so it was overall a good thing.

All that was left was to hold on for the ride.

"Ugh..." Allen let the towel fall from his mouth, tense muscles relaxing. "I think... It's over..."

"Fuck, Walker..." Kanda's voice sounded both relieved and worried at the same time. "Are you alive?"

"Yeah... I'll be fine." The boy inhaled shakily, closing his eyes. Saying that he felt dead-beat and tired would be an understanding.

Kanda shifted, noticing that his legs went totally numb. "This is insane. Just how many buckets of blood did you lose?"

"Still not enough for me to lose consciousness, it seems…" Allen almost felt like smiling, for whatever reason. "Stupid body wouldn't spare me a little bit of pain."

"It's good it didn't. Don't even think about dying on me, Moyashi."

"Yeah, I know… Sorry."

"Can you move?"

"I guess…" Allen felt like anything but moving at the moment, though. "Ow−"

Kanda finally let go of the other, trying not to make any abrupt moves. "Let's clean this shit and call it a day."

"Splendid idea."

Kanda opened his eyes, taking a look at the bed next to him. And like for the past ten minutes, Walker was still shivering under the cover. And it seemed to only get worse. Well, considering that the temperature inside the room was anything but high, combined with the boy's earlier blood loss, it was really no wonder that Allen was freezing his ass off.

"Idiot, you're shivering." The dark-haired remarked in slight annoyance.

"I'm not an idiot for being cold, am I?" Allen's voice sounded so weak that it seemed that he didn't even have the strength to talk.

"Che."

That's all apparently Kanda had to say regarding the matter, as another few seconds passed in complete silence. And the white-haired boy was already set on trying to fall asleep somehow, snuggling into the thick bed cover. But it didn't seem to help at all.

Goddamn it all, first he goes through literal torture, and then he can't even get a proper rest because of some bloody low temperature. Did somebody up there really hate him this much or what?

"...Come over here."

Allen opened his eyes at the words, his heart skipping a beat. And for a moment he had to wonder if he didn't actually fall asleep, after all. Did he hear right just now? The boy couldn't help but turn in the other man's direction. "Huh?"

"I said, come over here." Kanda repeated, pulling on his blanket, as if making place for another person to fit. Allen could notice the motion despite the lack of light inside the room.

"Um... Are you sure?" There was both uncertainty and bewilderment in the boy's voice.

"How many times do you want me to repeat myself?" The dark-haired sounded annoyed by now.

Not asking anything anymore, the younger boy found the strength to move and shifted towards the other.

Allen couldn't help but tense up as he felt Kanda throw an arm around him, covering him with the blanket and pulling him closer towards himself. Suddenly, the boy started to feel a weird kind of tingling in his cheeks, noticing how his face grew warmer. The dark-haired's body felt so warm against him…

The white-haired closed his eyes, snuggling closer.

Human warmth is so nice…

Allen had no idea what to think of Kanda's sudden kindliness, but he was too tired to think about any of it right now. Whether this actually meant anything to the Japanese or not, the sole gesture made him feel content and unbearably happy.

"Kanda… Thanks."

"Shut up and sleep."

For once, Moyashi didn't feel like complaining.
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Gone Forever